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The Blogging Tool

     Jim, the new guy at, says we may already have the new blogging tool in house, which is a huge thrill. I don't know what a blogging tool is but it's probably really nifty. Every person should have the pleasure of possessing a blogging tool. Can't wait to get my hands on it. Though you know what they say: If you spend too much time with your blogging tool you'll go blind.

    My other piece of technology is this laptop, which I worry is already hopelessly outmoded -- so very 2004. It has only 80 gigabytes of hard drive and 512 of memory, which, though surely more powerful than all the computers of the Apollo program combined, may brand me as hopelessly pedestrian in the eyes of any visitors from California (who are so advanced they now communicate with their computers and with each other by mind power).

    Dropped a couple thousand on modems and converters and wireless network gewgaws at Best Buy, arranged for the professional installation from the cable company. But when the cable guy came, things went haywire (etymology, someone?). The cable guy said there's a "wall garden" back at the home office that prevents the modem's operation, and that to get the "wall garden" sundered or violated or whatever I would need to talk to some mysterious unnamed woman at the cable company, who tragically was not scheduled to report to work for another half hour, but who would call me and deactivate or obliterate the "wall garden." Never heard from her or the cable guy again, then the holidays hit, went out of town, and a month later we have this little modem by the TV that's full of lights and doing nothing. World's most expensive nightlight.

     It is a slightly malevolent presence. It is implying something about my intelligence. Hey, stupid, it says: We machines will take over from you humans the moment you figure out how to get rid of the wall garden.

-- written Jan. 7, 2005

By Joel Achenbach  |  January 17, 2005; 12:57 PM ET
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