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Achenkid responds!

This just in from Miss P. Achenbach, age 14:

"And now a word from a "ridiculous" kid - a.k.a. your sponsor.

"I would like to congratulate you for being able to spot a rich kid by looking at their teeth. In the old days I hear that's how horses were selected. But I am thankful to not have to live with my inheritance of snaggle-teeth. So thank you and Dr. Tigani.

"I don't deny that I love my Grandmother's old Lexus. But it's just that - my Grandmother's. Really, I'm not picky. Anything European and convertible is fine with me.

"As for being a "preppie," how dare you! Don't go lumping me in with my little sister--who is just going through the 'phase', by the way. You think that anyone who goes shopping is a prep. Just face it, Dad - you have no idea what you're talking about.

"I would love to become a do-gooder, work for the Peace Corps, or some NGO. But before I can do any of that, I'm going to have to work really hard and study to get a decent-paying job so I can afford to support your ridiculous self in your retirement. So just watch out who you go callin' a rich kid."

Dear Achenkid: I am thrilled to hear that you are going to support me in my retirement, since, as we know, Social Security will be bankrupt and I will have squandered hundreds of thousands of hard-earned dollars on your COLLEGE EDUCATION. I am glad to know that my own family is not so elevated and elitist as to be immune from the phenomenon of kids talking back to their parents. I never knew you were a back-talker, much less a back-blogger. But I love you anyway. Now do your homework.

By Joel Achenbach  |  May 22, 2005; 9:15 PM ET
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Send her to Princeton!

Posted by: Mom | May 23, 2005 12:09 PM | Report abuse

Personally, I have no delusions about my future once I'm done paying for my daughters' braces, 1st cars, college educations, and weddings.

My genentic, behavioral, and finanical obligations are completed.

My favorite color is blue, go ahead and dump me into the Soylent processor.


Posted by: bc | May 23, 2005 1:51 PM | Report abuse

You really should be saving up your money to put your daughter on a train through Yugoslavia. Forget Princeton, Harvard, or Yale, or George Washington University (? or any other of the elitist schools on the East Coast. Stanford, USC and UCLA are out, too.

I took a return trip through Yugoslavia by train (an unexpected outcome of a disbanded/abandoned car trip of three foreign language students that were supposed to have been bound to southern destinations in Greece and Turkey) from Thessalonika to Yugoslavia's northern border in the spring of 1973.

My girlfriend and I, both in our early 20s, spoke English and German and were put into a car with an old woman who happened to speak German along with her Yogoslavian language or dialect. In the car were two very rough laborers from the countryside. There was much drinking of beer by most men on the train including the men in our compartment; the smell of urination once we stepped into the hallway was strong and grew stronger as the train pulled further northward.

The old woman, who we sensed was our guardian angel of sorts, translated parts of the conversation between the two men for us young women. Apparently, the men had picked their brides when the women were about 14 years old. One of the things that the men did in picking their prospective mates was to check the state of their teeth!

Your daughter should be so lucky! Forget Princeton, Mom! Does not a woman's future and fate lie in the alignment of her most prominent calcium feature--her teeth? It is to the person who aligns the teeth that comprise smiles, fills cavities, overcomes genetics that praise must be given.

Posted by: Orient Express | May 23, 2005 2:00 PM | Report abuse

My Dad lived through the depression, he lived on a chicken farm in Ohio while my grandfather was sick with TB. We used to joke that we were going to put "Eat the brown bananas they taste best" on his tombstone. As a child he would walk up the railroad tracks to pick up pieces of coal thrown from the trains on the curves. My mom lived in rural West Virginia during the depression, her father was a mining engineer and her mother was a school teacher. They lived through poverty that I never had to live with and they are the classiest people I know.

Posted by: Chris | May 23, 2005 2:38 PM | Report abuse

Maybe you can get your kids to help write the blog, (I'm thinking Tom Sawyer's fence, but also Gene and Gina). Great synergy possibilities!

Posted by: kbertocci | May 23, 2005 3:10 PM | Report abuse

I really enjoy your blog about class in America. Maybe you can teach your kids the importance of earning what they have. So that they don't become preppie kids living from their parents fortune. I tell you because I know several cases of it.

Posted by: FDG | May 23, 2005 6:52 PM | Report abuse

Brava to "Achenkid." Quite a witty response, and I like the self-satire and the comment on Social Security. It will be you supporting your father whether the government acts as middleman or not.

And bravo to Achendad, too, if you helped teach her to write that well. As a second-generation writer myself, I suspect you did have an influence.

Posted by: Alexander | May 23, 2005 7:58 PM | Report abuse

My heartfelt sympathies and congratulations to you. I also have a daughter (age 13) who can rip the fabric of space-time by manipulating her eyebrows while simultaneously making her father beam with pride. It really makes life interesting -- and I wouldn't have it ANY other way.

Posted by: Joe | May 25, 2005 2:01 PM | Report abuse

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