Why I'm Not Blogging Today
The reason there's no blog today, or at least nothing that deserves the exalted and grandiose label of "blog," is that I had to work on a column about Mexico and didn't want to keep dribbling away all my best material, squandering it here on the Select Audience of Fifteen. I'm under strict orders: Don't waste anything good on the blog. That's why everything on the blog has that uncanny "just barely adequate" feel to it.
Routinely I take active verbs and make them passive in order to bring the literary quality down a notch. Those typos? Inserted at the last minute when the text looks too clean.
Also I had to go to my youngest daughter's school event, the annual 4th grade STATE REPORT SHOW, in which they get up and talk about the different states of the United States, such as California, Georgia, and Alberta. My progeny was a marvel of elocution and enunciation (are those two different things?). One of the other kids did a tap dance routine that belonged at the Kennedy Center, no lie. Another student played the piano like Horowitz. Another sang a fabulous national anthem. I was very proud of all the children and, indeed, was so moved by the proceedings that I decided to turn off my cell phone COMPLETELY.
Tonight is the school picnic, which is always scheduled for whenever the thermometer hits 92 degrees. Many years we've had to cancel the picnic at the last minute because the organizers felt the weather just wasn't sufficiently humid. The rule seems to be, "You can't really enjoy potato salad unless you're drenched in sweat."
A few commenters asked what I was doing in Mexico, and maybe somewhere along the way this week I should have explained that. I was working on a freelance story for National Geographic. I love working on the side for National Geographic, because it's such a quality publication, and, more importantly, is just a block from The Post. I think we should merge publications. At the very least we should install a tunnel, so I don't have to walk all the way over there in the heat.
Another reason I didn't blog today is that I had to check my messages, and that takes hours and hours and hours. FACT: I have more than 22,000 unread email messages. You think that is another of my trademark lies, but not so. Most are spam. But just killing spam is a major undertaking. We need to have a National Deletion Day in which all anyone does is delete things. Throw things away. Purge files. Jettison the junk in the various in-baskets of our lives. Simplify. Prioritize.
Most of the stuff around us, let's face it, is unnecessary, is noise, is junk. And then there's that kid on the stage doing her report on Hawaii: Solid gold.
By
Joel Achenbach
|
June 10, 2005; 3:52 PM ET
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Posted by: not of the said 15 | June 10, 2005 3:59 PM | Report abuse
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx
Posted by: Anonymous | June 10, 2005 4:08 PM | Report abuse
Don't be so hard on yourself. There are at least 17 of us in the Select Audience. And I was always taught that 17 is way more than 15.
Posted by: allie | June 10, 2005 4:29 PM | Report abuse
Those tap-dancing, state-reporting kids could be Indigo children.
(OK, now that I've made a comment like that, I know I will DEFINITELY be excluded from the elite 15.)
Posted by: Dreamer | June 10, 2005 4:41 PM | Report abuse
"The rule seems to be, 'You can't really enjoy potato salad unless you're drenched in sweat.'"
And bonus, the potato salad, drenched in MAYONAISSE ... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.
Posted by: jlessl | June 10, 2005 4:47 PM | Report abuse
It's kind of funny to see "Why I'm Not Blogging Today" listed with all the other column titles on washingtonpost.com's home page. It sounds so lofty, as if you're opposed to blogging in general and are making some sort of a statement. People will be outraged when they find their way to the blog and learn the truth.
Posted by: Achenfan | June 10, 2005 5:47 PM | Report abuse
"Most of the stuff around us, let's face it, is unnecessary, is noise, is junk. And then there's that kid on the stage doing her report on Hawaii: Solid gold."
I've seen this device before. It's the same "sweet spot" ending you used in a Rough Draft piece on skiing w/ your children. All sorts of dangers lurked--a stalled ski lift, a tree situated right in front of you, boots designed to snap your shinbones if you should fall. In this piece, the dangers were reduced to annoyances--the heat, the humidity, spam--but the ending was the same. Oh, those kids! Look at 'em go! Look at 'em go, indeed.
Getting a little teary here. Gotta watch that. Bringing tears to the eyes of your readers threaten your day job as a humorist.
Posted by: Careful Reader | June 10, 2005 6:53 PM | Report abuse
Even if there is nothing to blog about it is still interesting. This is so addictive.
Posted by: fdg31 | June 10, 2005 7:30 PM | Report abuse
Freelancing for National Geographic, eh? That would have been my dream job at age twelve--getting to see all those topless women in person instead of in photographs. Seriously, my dad has had a subscription since the late 1940's, which I maintain now. I look forward to your article. Please include interesting pictures. At age 45, my life has come full circle.
Posted by: InvestiGator | June 11, 2005 10:46 PM | Report abuse
This blog is read by more than 15 people, but perhaps only 15 are routinely moved to comment.
Posted by: parrotmom | June 12, 2005 8:46 AM | Report abuse
This sucks Joel. If you're not going to blog, then don't blog. Don't give us seven paragraphs on why you're not going to blog.
Posted by: Ryan | June 13, 2005 8:42 AM | Report abuse
The real important idea in this "piece" (I guess it has to be in quotes since the real piece shouldn't be wasted on the blog) is the National Deletion Day. I think you need to get serious about this one -- a good blog "piece". Personally, I didn't read this until today because I was spending my Friday cleaning up my file cabinet (remember paper?) after three years of neglect/throw it in there filing.
Posted by: KC Teacher | June 13, 2005 2:22 PM | Report abuse
So you went to Mexico -a hot topic this day everywhere you turn to- for the National Geographic? And I thought working for the Post makes you a Democrat!
Posted by: surfecalavera | June 13, 2005 4:27 PM | Report abuse
The comments to this entry are closed.
Excellent no blog although slighly sleighted with:
"I'm under strict orders: Don't waste anything good on the blog"