Why I'm Not Blogging Today
The reason there's no blog today, or at least nothing that deserves the exalted and grandiose label of "blog," is that I had to work on a column about Mexico and didn't want to keep dribbling away all my best material, squandering it here on the Select Audience of Fifteen. I'm under strict orders: Don't waste anything good on the blog. That's why everything on the blog has that uncanny "just barely adequate" feel to it.
Routinely I take active verbs and make them passive in order to bring the literary quality down a notch. Those typos? Inserted at the last minute when the text looks too clean.
Also I had to go to my youngest daughter's school event, the annual 4th grade STATE REPORT SHOW, in which they get up and talk about the different states of the United States, such as California, Georgia, and Alberta. My progeny was a marvel of elocution and enunciation (are those two different things?). One of the other kids did a tap dance routine that belonged at the Kennedy Center, no lie. Another student played the piano like Horowitz. Another sang a fabulous national anthem. I was very proud of all the children and, indeed, was so moved by the proceedings that I decided to turn off my cell phone COMPLETELY.
Tonight is the school picnic, which is always scheduled for whenever the thermometer hits 92 degrees. Many years we've had to cancel the picnic at the last minute because the organizers felt the weather just wasn't sufficiently humid. The rule seems to be, "You can't really enjoy potato salad unless you're drenched in sweat."
A few commenters asked what I was doing in Mexico, and maybe somewhere along the way this week I should have explained that. I was working on a freelance story for National Geographic. I love working on the side for National Geographic, because it's such a quality publication, and, more importantly, is just a block from The Post. I think we should merge publications. At the very least we should install a tunnel, so I don't have to walk all the way over there in the heat.
Another reason I didn't blog today is that I had to check my messages, and that takes hours and hours and hours. FACT: I have more than 22,000 unread email messages. You think that is another of my trademark lies, but not so. Most are spam. But just killing spam is a major undertaking. We need to have a National Deletion Day in which all anyone does is delete things. Throw things away. Purge files. Jettison the junk in the various in-baskets of our lives. Simplify. Prioritize.
Most of the stuff around us, let's face it, is unnecessary, is noise, is junk. And then there's that kid on the stage doing her report on Hawaii: Solid gold.
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