Countdown to Lunch Drama

My sympathies to Hungry. I worked next to Union Station for four years and there is not a damn thing to eat except the pan-Asian place upstairs and how many times can you eat salmon stirfry? And don't even get me started on the stress of trying to get through crowds of confused tourists blocking the hallways.

If you're willing to walk a few blocks and eat more calories than a chocolate cake, there's some halfway decent Mexican nearby, but that's pretty much it.

Mind you, these days I'm at home with my baby and I'm lucky if I *get* to eat lunch. I'm actually beginning to miss the bad fast food.

Nah, not really.

Sweet! Best columnist on the Post now confined to Locals Only page, what a great allocation of resources. Kind of like the Nats trading for another overrated 'offensive powerhouse' whose ability will be magically sapped whenever he's NOT playing at Coors. Which is a lot,now that he plays for us. See, that's the kind of inside baseball commentary you get on the Achenbach Goes Local blog. Up next, coverage of DC area residents attempts to warn Union Station tourists by stuffing FBI hats and flip flops into the grills of our vehicles to let them know that, yes, we will run you over when you cross against the light!

I have to defend the national readers, like myself. Take pity - I live in maine, ferchrissakes. Local news here are things like "Mrs. O'Grady's cat stuck in tree for Harrowing 3 hours. Fireman Bob Local Hero" and then the clam festival is on the front page for a month. Please don't take away my link to civilization.

LP, I have you beat. Who the Johnson's had over for dinner is regularly in our paper. And the "Spam Jam." Yup. A week-long celebration of Spam, the king of mystery meats.

I think we both need this link to civilization.

Spam Jam?

and I thought I had it bad. It's like Joel should realize he's doing a kind of community service here.....

The headline for the Chickasha Daily Express a few years back was "Dead Pig Found in Ditch" That one was so good the Washington Post picked up on it. They actually poked fun at it.

oh, wait - I forgot about the Moxie Fest.

Moxie is the official state drink of maine. We actually spent tax dollars for that to happen

I have to defend local papers for a momment. Nobody else is going to write about the crap they put in there, so they are filling an information void.

Please tell me they show Monty Python during Spam Jam Sara?

For "Hungry":
I always head for Burrito Brothers when I'm at Union Station. In addition to enjoying the food there (regular spinach burrito with black beans and guacamole, no cheese, no sour cream), I find that the tourists don't seem to go for it as much as they go for the places that serve fries, etc. (Have you ever noticed that however good a food court is, the most popular station is always the McDonald's?)

I am in deep trouble for blogging too much, am under strict orders to do my job, but I loved LB's "Dead Pig Found in Ditch" headline and think we need a BEST LOCAL NEWS HEADLINE contest. I'm sure Gene and Dave have already done this a million times, but still. Why not copy the best.

I can't say that I've ever attended the Spam Jam, Dawaldg. I've been to River Rock Jazz Fest, Green Giant Days, Fun Days, and all sorts of other fests, but I've avoided the Spam Jam. An assortment of Spam and different ways to serve it doesn't sound like my type of scene. Green Giant Days has roasted corn on the cob, though. It's amazing.

I don't have a headline, but I would nominate the Key West Citizen as the best terrible local paper. My husband worked there for a few weeks once, and during the time he was there they once published the paper with the wrong date (!) Plus they have wacky stories every day, what with the drunk tourists and the drunk locals and the feral roosters and so on... If the headline contest goes official, I'm sure we'll have some entries from the Citizen.

are any of us doing our jobs? nope, didn't think so. carry on, achenbach.

Slightly off topic, but not too far: the big news in our local paper was consistently who 'motored' where. Oddly enough the local reporter was the featured traveler more often than not.

Bought a bag of dry soup powder to send to my brother-in-law yesterday: Cock flavor soup! Also, bought a bag of Fish Tea soup. Don't they sound yummy?

you can have salmon stir-fry thirty-seven times.

Feral roosters? I've heard of feral pigs, but not feral roosters.

Does anyone else think it's weird that Joel can blog about a turkey sandwich and generate almost as many comments as when he blogs about Karl Rove?

I think that has more to do with the tsao15's ability to yap about anyhting in order to avoid doing actual work

Best to dine at Cafe Phillips on 14th between H and I _ freshly carved ham, chicken, turkey and Grouse (well, no grouse). Best to avoid Butterfield 9, where the fish is vile and the service's only saving grace is that they take forever before they bring you your vile lunch.

Karl Rove/turkey?? I rest my case....

Joel - There a pretty good fresh roasted and hand carved sandwich at 3rd and Eats (corner of 3rd and E, NW). Close to the court house for when you're in need of one last turkey sandwich before you go into the pokey.

The last time I ate at 3rd and Eats (which was a decade or more ago) the service person actually dripped sweat into the food. Never again.

Best headline I saw was in a small paper in North Georgia

"Men arrested for lewd act on Chunky Gal"

Chunky Gal turns out to be a state park in North Georgia... not a woman of excessive girth....

As far as those small town papers go, don't be too harsh. After all, I'll bet the pig in the ditch caught your eye and you read the story. As a former resident of Route 2 Box 13 Noble Oklahoma, I can testify that there ain't a lot goin' on and you gotta make do with the material you're handed. The task of the headline writer is not an easy thing.
On a slightly related note, the strangest real book title I ever saw was "Dwarf Rapes Nun, Flees in UFO". Spotted it in the library and HAD to read it. It is a novel about the supermarket tabloid business.
.

Can't believe I'm writing back. Avoided Union Station today when a co-worker offered to drive to Dupont for kosher deli lunch at Eli's Restaurant. Not bad - I ordered the Freundel (named for the Georgetown Rabbi, Barry Freundel) and was not that dissapointed. Hot Corned Beef, Brisket, and Pastrami on rye - coulda used a slice of swiss (but don't the Rabbi!). And before anyone complains that I capitalized the deli meats, you would too if LOVED THEM AS MUCH AS I DO.

Can't believe I'm writing back. Avoided Union Station today when a co-worker offered to drive to Dupont for kosher deli lunch at Eli's Restaurant. Not bad - I ordered the Freundel (named for the Georgetown Rabbi, Barry Freundel) and was not that dissapointed. Hot Corned Beef, Brisket, and Pastrami on rye - coulda used a slice of swiss (but don't the Rabbi!). And before anyone complains that I capitalized the deli meats, you would too if LOVED THEM AS MUCH AS I DO.

sorry about the double posting.

What about this one? "Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over"

funny headlines: the Panda mating gets my vote if it ended now.

I found myself a pulled turkey sandwich for lunch. Yum.

And the Panda headline definitely gets my vote. So many interpretations...

Googled the previous headline and found a bunch more...I laughed at some of these:

# Police begin campaign to rundown jaywalkers.
# Drunk gets nine months in violin case.
# Prostitutes appeal to Pope.
# Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over.
# British left waffles on Falklands Islands.
# Stolen painting found by tree.
# Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter.
# Enfields couple slain; police suspect homicide.
# Red tape holds up new bridges.
# Typhoon rips through cemetery, hundreds dead.
# Man struck by lightning faces battery charges.
# New study of obesity looks for larger test group.
# Kids make nutritious snacks.
# Chef throws his heart into helping feed needy.
# Local high school dropouts cut in half.
# New vaccine may contain rabies.

Several years ago the Kent County News in Chestertown, Maryland, had this headline: "Irradicate Illiteracy".

It still makes me smile.

The play called The Vagina Monologues was performed in our town a few months ago, and the local university paper had a howler of a headline. I don't remember it, of course, but I thought I'd tantalize everyone anyway. Perhaps that could be the next contest -- coming up with what that headline could have been.

Is the Spam Jam held near the upper midwest town that has a Spam Museum? (Although now one thinks the museum curators would be cataloging particularly noteworthy examples of spam for toners, African fortunes going unclaimed, desperately needed personal hygiene assistance, etc.)

Also, I take it that since I am in a zip code area outside the DC/Mar/Va area, I am now seeing a different WP web page than the locals. Is that why the home page text now appears in a funky Courier typeface that is hard to read and clashes with the headline typeface?

My response from the Post this morning:

Thank you for your feedback regarding our new homepage experience on washingtonpost.com. We do not currently have a way to switch back and forth between the local and national pages on our homepage, but I am happy to forward the suggestion to our Editorial staff for consideration.

Thanks again for taking the time to write to us. We appreciate your interest in washingtonpost.com.

I love part about "homepage experience."

Love "kids make delicious snacks"! Now Tom Sietsema has something to tell all those people in his chat who are always complaining about noisy kids in restaurants...

The Spam Jam is in the midwest town with the Spam Museum. Austin, MN I believe. They had some very catchy cruise-ship-type songs sung by a cruise-ship-type singer this year for advertising.

Irradicating Illiteracy is a bigger problem than I realized. The google responses on this are astounding in their number!

Ok - My officemate and I routinely share the weird things people do in public bathrooms. Until today, my favorite has been taking a business call while in a stall, um, TCB. Then, on my way to lunch (the reason I'm linking here), I found the remains of some bing cherries on top of the tp dispenser. This means the culprit either walked in to the stall while eating the cherries and found the location convenient or, God help me, she was eating cherries while TCB.

Makes the Union Station food court seem absolutely glorious.

Found this title in my local paper: Teen Took Limo Ride With Stolen Check

C'mon, Joel, bite the bullet and make your own lunch! I've done it since 8th grade (lo, these many years ago). Just today I had a homemade BBQ pulled-beef sandwich, Girl Sprout cookies, carrots, cashews.... mmm. (I'm currently stuffed!) Keeps me from eating fast-food junk, it's cheaper too, and it means I can spend my whole lunch hour outside watching the turtles'n'geese (or thinking up elaborate jokes that involve "pulled turkey," "Cock soup" and Karl Rove).

You should try the sandwiches at Firehook Bakery. Here is a link to their locations. http://www.firehook.com/locations.html
Locally-owned business, amazing bread and great cookies--what more could you want? I am partial to the roast beef on olive bread, but my wife likes the curry chicken salad and turkey BLT

Capitol Girl,

Ha! and EW!

You should repeat that story for Weingarten on Tuesday, he'll devote an entire chat to the subject...he practically does so most weeks anyway.

By the way, how did you know that they were "bing" cherries?

You should try the sandwiches at Firehook Bakery. Here is a link to their locations. http://www.firehook.com/locations.html
Locally-owned business, amazing bread and great cookies--what more could you want? I am partial to the roast beef on olive bread, but my wife likes the curry chicken salad and turkey BLT sandwiches

cloudy, funny!

Teen: Was it good for you too?

Interesting change on the homepage. You can manually switch back and forth by changing your profile preferences. Which reminds me it's time to change careers and location. Got keep the number crunchers and ad execs on their toes, and make them consider privacy issues. I think I'll stop being and aerospace engineer from Bhutan and become a CEO in Niger. Or maybe a yellowcake salesman?

toady, "Girl Sprout cookies?!"

For great headlines, I suggest you find yourself a copy of Bob Levey's Washington column from Friday, November 22, 2002.

Some of the great ones:

- Journalists Aren't So Bad After All
- Alcohol Ads Promote Drinking
- Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
- Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men
- Beheading Can Cause Kids' Stress
- Transportation Department to Hold Public Meeting on I-49

A couple more...

- Court Rules Boxer Shorts are Indeed Underwear
- Bundle Up When Out in the Cold
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

The challenge earlier by "anon" was to find the headline related to the Vagina Monologues.

Question for anon, was the newspaper at Murray State?

Several years ago I was staying at a YMCA camp outside of Parsons, WV when lightening struck a major electrical transmission line nearby. Not only the campground, but the entire city of Parsons (population 1463 and deep in the Monongahela National Forest) was without power the entire night. The weekly newspaper headlined the power outage in their next edition with a picture taken during the outage from a hill overlooking the town. The picture was titled "Parsons in the dark", Yup - it was all black!

Favorite headline, seen in a small-town Red Cross newsletter: Volunteers Attend Funeral as a Body

Irregardless: Specificity = funny.

Who is Weingarten? Is he an expert on "stall fruits"?

Who is Weingarten? The Post's resident humor/comics expert, purveyor of a weekly on-line chat that has attained truly legendary status, dispenser of both medical and romantic advice, taker of polls on eclectic topics, much "hearted" object of young women's affection, and longtime friend of Dave Barry (and also of the eminent Joel Achenbach).

Don't forget, Gene W is most certainly an expert on stall fruits, as well.

Hey Hungry, I didn't know there was a kosher deli in DC these days. Man, when I worked downtown, I'd have shlepped to Dupont via Metro if it meant I could get a good corned beef sandwich. Well, considering that I keep kosher, it was the only way I could get *any* corned beef downtown.

Mind you, since I live a few blocks from Katz's, uh, I mean Koshermart, I really don't have any cause to complain. Mmm, maybe I'll walk down there and get some deli for lunch tomorrow. Heck, maybe I'll splurge on calories and get a shwarma plate.

::drools all over keyboard:: Anyone who hasn't had shwarma hasn't truly lived. Of course, the stuff you get at Koshermart in Rockville or Max's in Wheaton is only a pale shadow of the shwarma from any streetcorner stand in Israel.

I think I need an afternoon snack now.

His porchness: If you're ever in the San Jose area, the best deli around is the Country Deli in Mountain View. They too have real turkey, roasted each day on site.

Irregard--yeah, girl sprout cookies. They sound healthier that way! (I routinely tell people that I used to be a girl sprout. Interesting to note who pays attention enough to blink....)

On Weingarten: I believe he's also strongly suspecting of being the elusive and sorely-missed Czar of the Style Invitational.

Good thing the proverbial "starving children", who actually have nothing to eat for lunch, probably have this web site censored by their totalitarian government.

I only have one cat but I took an opinion poll anyway and my cat says that she would love a pressed turkey sandwich for lunch. I told her to quit reading the Post and start catching mice. I am a firm believer in tough kitty love.

WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING IN CAPITALS?

Brackets are enough delineation for the digressions, please.

Starving children can afford a computer and Internet access but not a turkey sammich and girl sprout cookies? What a strange world this is.

The blog has a really weird feel to it today. We are obviously part of some bizarre social experiment.

I'm feeling that, too. But I think it's because a few of the other regulars are missing. Which could be part of a bizarre social experiment aimed at testing our responses to the loss of friends. E-friends, actually.

I agree. The achenfriends seem to be in a strange mood

Sorry for the weirdness. It follows me wherever I go. In fact, my first house is so overrun by weirdness that I have moved into a second. Just hope the neighbors don't complain. I would hate to see them all euthanized.

Cap Girl, nice weird cat lady ref. Funny.

About the overall blog weirdness.

Two things:

Joel got in trouble at his "real" job for hanging around here too much. That there is a nice little spring board for craziness among the kaboodle. Second, the basic topic of the threads is what "turkey sammiches, golf, Rove's liquor store, the Cat Lady, and the BORF kid?" Those are some odd topics.

Finally, I think the offshoot of all the attention the past few weeks is that there are folks like me that have lurked around for long time but not joined the action of the coveted 15. Something broke when Joel was away, can't say what, and it seemed ok for others to add their voice.

I hope it all shakes out into something enjoyable for all.

a) I know exactly how your feel -- lunch choice is a daily trauma; and

2) More importantly -- you call it "The Good Pain", too ?!?!?!? My colleagues and friends look at me like I just provided the lame voice-over for America's Un-funniest Home Videos whenever i call it that. I feel vindicated.

OK
new topic:
Michael Bolton's hairpiece.

Thoughts?

I'm against. Bring back the curly, shoulder length mullet with the hole on top.

A headline I had posted at my desk for many years:

Normal Woman Marries Oblong Man

(Normal and Oblong are towns in Illinois.)

I have to say: Best batch of comments on meaningless blog item EVER. Creates huge disincentive to write anything profound. [Note that Rove item trailed badly in comments...that Rove thing is dead...No one cares anymore...yesterday's news...]
[Tomorrow's blog topic: "What exactly IS pastrami???]

Wow. I missed a big day! Unfortunately I was bogged down with a congressional report. Stupid congress!

What's with the brackets?

I love Key West, and the fact that chickens are their pigeons plays no small part.

When I travelled a lot for work, I used to go to McDonald's once in every country I was in. It was like a cultural baseline. It's a chain, so they should all be the same, right? But every country's McDonald's are a little bit different, and that can tell you a lot.

For instance, take Ukraine. In Ukraine, the food was infront of me before I had even finished speaking my order. I kid you not. I said, "Big Ma-" and there was already a Big Mac in front of me. And the crazy thing was, this Big Mac LOOKED like the ones on TV. It was Perfect. The key was the paper ring that surrounded it and kept everything tidy. Another astounding thing was that these kids were HAPPY to be working at McDonald's, which makes sense if you think about it. Probably a pretty great job for a Ukrainian kid, since the alternative is being a runner for the mob. They had no ketchup though. That was my only complaint.

Union Station's the worst for lunch. Try White Tiger ($10 Indian buffet), La Loma (probably the 'good mex' reffed earlier), Banduccis at 2nd & F NE has good chicken sandwich on Uptown bread (and I don't even like chicken salad!). Pan Asain place... yeah, it gets darned old darned fast. When B. Smith's is your upscale expensive choice, you know you're in trouble.

What's "The Good Pain"?

Ah! Au Bon Pain. I just got it.

And what's this local nonsense.

I'VE MISSED SO MUCH!

[I'm so confused about the brackets. They make me feel like I'm on drugs.]

Wow - been away from the blog for two days and it has veered wildly. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hello to so many strange new achenfriends (credit LP for the term).

And thank you, jw, for not writing "catsup." Prentious spelling is a pet peeve. Like "grey" and "colour."

Of course, even pretentious spelling is better than misspelling...sorry.

first, I had no idea there was a local page and a national page...though growing up in washington, I just assumed that everyone read about congressional hearings in the morning paper! Six years in Wisconsin has taught me otherwise. (which is a crying shame-everyone should know if the morning press briefings at the white house were a shoutfest!)

My six years in Wisconsin are quickly coming to an end and now I'm seriously questioning my decision to move back if the food situation is as dire as everyone says! But I suppose it can't be any worse than where I am-Friday Fish Fry gets real old, real quick.

Birdie -- Please understand that Washington is a world-class restaurant town. We have some of the most innovative and skilled chefs in the country and the awards to prove it. Joel just works in an area where there are few good lunch spots for those without expense accounts. And, by his own admission, he is far too lazy to walk more than a block or two ISO of better food.

Fortunately for me, I work down the street from a Whole Foods. Excellent lunch daily. But shopping there, I do feel like I've succumbed to some sort of cult.

Someone I used to work with once said this to me. I think it might only be funny if you hear it out loud though. "I hate it when my wife does the grocery shopping, because she always buys catsup instead of ketchup."

I thought, "Huh? Yeah, that makes sense!"

We can't help but notice that 99 percent of the postings to this blog occur during business hours. After 5:00 p.m., it's as dead as a government office building in here. As I'm sure your handlers have noticed, Joel, for every frequent, employed poster, there are ten coworkers industriously trying to get a share of their work done. I'm all for job creation, but if it comes through slashing in productivity, it loses its luster.

Oops. Where is that editorial function?

Too true. I had to catch up on two days of postings, so here I sit at 8:22 p.m., a lone figure in the land of the empty cubes. A lone blogger posting into the ether.

Actually, I am picking up a friend at DCA in a bit and we're headed to Zaytinya for lots of any beverage ending in "tini."

Keep on posting that kind of stories. For a foreign person it´s good to see how normal people live in there and compair whit our daily routine.

Back to the comment about the Mystery of the Czar of the Style Invitational. I suspect....

THE MYSTERIOUS CZAR WAS JOEL!!!!

Fess up! Double super-secret background cover time is over. Once you're retired from czardom, you can come out. What are you waiting for?

It wasn't Gene Weingarten. Weingarten was writing another column in the Post magazine during those years, plus he was busy writing a book.

But what was Joel writing then? It was during a time period between his old "Why Things Are" column and his current one.

Would the Post have cut him slack all those years and given him a long sabbatical? I think not. Yet, his family probably likes living indoors and three squares a day, so he needed to get paid. A motive!

What other suspects had the ability, the time, the motive?

I rest my case.

Back to Michael Bolton's hair piece...What? He has a hair piece? Can't say I've seen him lately (which is crazy because he's huge nowadays). Where can I see this hair piece?

Oh, and in response to foreign McDonald's: Brazil has the best chicken nuggets. And they come around to your table and take your dessert order. It's great.

But no one spoke English and I didn't speak enough Portuguese at the time to know that the "h" is silent on hamburger, so we couldn't communicate "hamburger" to each other. The entire kitchen came out to try to take my order...it was like a bad dream. At least I wasn't naked. I eventually pointed to a McChicken meal on the counter display.

i was refering to the recnt UN nominee. like, have you seen that guy? I'm surprised anyone can keep a straght face around him....

Ha! Oh. That makes more sense. Yes. I've seen that. Reminds me of this engineering guy that I know. He has gray hair with an almost black hair piece...I mean, wow.

Sorry, I'm just such a huge Michael Bolton fan that when that name comes up it's all I can do to keep myself under control.

Re. M. Bolton.

I'm surprised that there hasn't been an "Office Space" reference yet.

I apologize if there was one and I missed it.

bc

Wait...Isn't the UN Bolton named John Bolton?

I'm getting dizzy.

woops.

hey, i never claimed to be smart.

it's really not my fault. I grew up on long island, ny. The water is toxic. It warped me.

It's completely understandable. Like I said, just the name "Bolton" brings Michael to mind. I'll bet a lot of people think that Michael Bolton (the singer) is the UN nominee (romantic 40-year-old women everywhere are swooning). Especially with all the satirical news items out there about it. At least you know it's not the singer that's up for it.

Sorry about the water.

Headline update:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/07/14/AR2005071402115.html?nav=hcmodule

"Dick Says Karl's Okay."

Could part of the problem with the WasPost's view of the Achenblog be that writers there like Al Kamen might be reading it during working hours?

bc

Hmm. I sense a headline theme here, Mr. Spicoli.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/07/14/AR2005071402115.html?nav=hcmodule

"Mr. Rove's Leak"

You know, this is about as low as I'll go just to get the comments up to 100 for Joel's blog items.

Taking text out of context is fun.

bc

Hey, Sara, I'm almost 40 (I'm 39 -- yes, *really* 39, not "39 again" 39), and there is *no way* I would swoon over Michael Bolton. My mother would, maybe. (Actually, maybe not -- she's more of an Engelbert Humperdinck kind of chook.)

Sorry Achenfan, I meant no offense to you. But I was referring to those crazy 40-year-old women who still think Michael Bolton is the cat's meow. I've never pegged you as one of those women. You seem too level-headed for that type of schlock.

I apologize for introducing michael bolton to the conversation. mea culpa.

Thanks, Sara; none taken. And thanks for the nice compliments.

I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".

that seems like an "inside voice" kind of thing, jw

I almost said that exact sentence earlier in jest. Then I realized it was an Office Space line and for some reason changed my mind.

Ya know, Office Space is a lot like my job.

I used to have a little red stapler on my moniter, until someone stole it. I ranted about my red stapler for awhile. Not everyone got the joke; but it was ironic that somone stole the stupid thing.

Random fact I got from IMDb. Swingline didn't even make a red stapler until after that movie. Someone in marketing was apparently on the ball and they rushed it into poduction.

"Ya know, Office Space is a lot like my job."

Indeed.

bc

LP, you should have burned down the building.

My desk keeps getting moved.

Not because I'm being fired or anything. We're tiling the floors right now (the carpet is ragged) so people are being moved temporarily. But, still, my desk keeps getting moved.

You know, this blog could use a little more flair today.

bc
It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't care.

Back from a boring conference--wow, I feel like I have missed a lot. I do enjoy discussing local topics, but hope we won't disclude non-locals from them.

WRT Union Station eating, I worked next door to the place for four years, and I must say that having the options there was much better than not having any options other than the cafeteria at my current location. As far as eating at Union Station, I recommend CORNER BAKERY. Nice sandwiches and salads, they will toast your bagel in the morning (unlike Au Bon Pain), soups are tasty, reasonably-priced, and come with bread if you request it.

Also, there is a nice little cafe on the street behind Irish Times that offers carved turkey, chicken, beef sandwiches. Very tasty! I can't think of the name of the place off the top of my head, but take a walk over near IT and you'll find it.

careful, achenfan! my internet activities are monitored.....

Don't forget McDonald's in Germany - you can order Lowenbrau! Plus the odd thing (although you get used to it) is if you are at a table for, say 4, by yourself and it gets crowded, someone will ask, "Ist hier frei (is this seat taken)?". If you say yes, they will join you. It's very common to share tables with complete strangers at McDonald's.
Also, the McD's in Rome at the base of the famous Spanish Steps is the most marvelous McD's I have ever seen. It had marble floors and walls and even a waterfall inside the restaurant. They also had a delicious salad bar. It was GORGEOUS and CLEAN!

What's even weirder is when you're in Germany and someone comes and joins you at your table even if there ARE empty tables nearby. I was tempted to go see a movie in Germany once, but I was worried someone might come and sit in my lap.

That sharing tables thing happened to me when I was in Chicago for work. Only difference was it was the cosmetics department from Nordstrom. So, I wasn't complaining.

speaking of nordstroms, does anyone else get the overwhelming desire to set up shop behind those little makeover stations and give the glitter treatment to the Nanas who wander by?

sorry, doing research, disregard.