Kurt Vonnegut and the Tool of Last Resort

Wasn't it Weingarten who said that the true value of a good sense of humor is the ability to laugh at that which hopelessly depressing?

This is why angry people make the best comedians.

Dennis Leary

Vonnegut and Thomas Harris.

You've made my day.

Harris' 'Red Dragon' is still the only book that I've ever lost sleep over.

Vonnegut's the only guy that ever made me laugh over what some would euphemistically call "collateral damage".

bc

Kurt Vonnegut seems like the type of person who would talk to ANYONE who knocked on his front door, if only because it's kind of a ballsy thing to do. Didn't he do a stint at Wellesley or Smith? And didn't all those young women just love their crotchety and lecherous prof? Just an absolutely original person, and my favorite modern satirist. Twain's response to the French review of "The Jumping Frog of Calavaras County," and his critique of James Fenimore Cooper's novels still has Vonnegut beat.

Vonnegut still posts stories for InTheseTimes.Org from time to time, and is still a master of his craft and an inspriration to read. One of the kinds of writers that speaks a very special kind of truth - someone with a great grasp of irony.

He's one of those guys that's at the top of my "if you could have drinks with any one famous person" list.

I think he's at the top of every well-read person's list. I know he's at the top of mine.

touche

Actually, GW was quoting Dave:

Gene Weingarten: Well, here is Dave Barry's seminal definition of a sense of humor:

"A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which you realize you are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how you express the anxiety you feel at this knowledge."

Vonnegut was my first really memorable exposure to satire. I read Harrison Bergeron in 8th grade. It's the only thing I remember reading from high school.

Since then I've been a big fan of Kurt and read just about everything I can get my hands on that he has written.

Thanks for the InTheseTimes.org info LP.

Actually, the "Three Democrats" comment came from the judge in the trial of Alferd Packer, notorious cannibal from Colorado. The grill in the student center at the University of Colorado is named in his honor;sure says something about our sense of humor in America, doesn't it? Always order your burger rare at the Packer Grill!

Sorry, I wasn't belittling his place on your list, I was just saying I think that you share some good company in that respect.

Sorry, that was from me. To LP. Gosh!

Vonnegut and Twain would have loved each other. Like no other literary duo, they both had an incredibly ironic, dark sense of humor, with the intelligence to understand what is truly important in life ame time. By commenting on the worst the human race can do, they shed light on the best human life has to offer.

*at the same time, sorry

I'm so confused.

My theory is that they are actually the same person...they look exactly the same, they were both journalists, and they were both born in November. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!

I loved Vonnegut in "Back to School".

Joel, did you ask him about what it was like to work with Rodney? If so, why isn't it in this blog item?

bc

And so at last it is confirmed. Democrats are the party of good taste!

It occurred to me, just now.

I wonder what Voltaire and Swift would be writing if they were alive today?

Literature majors may feel free to persecute me for using 'Volatire' and 'Swift' in the same sentence.

bc

kurosawaguy, ha!

The key to the puzzle is the puzzle itself.

Haha! That's the best joke I've heard all day, kurosawaguy.

JA - i think we can safely say there are more than 15 people who lounge in the kaboodle daily -

love the column today - it paints such a wonderful picture of vonnegut. he is also at the top of my list of co-guzzlers. after i read cat's cradle i was hooked! read everything i could get my hands on but i have to admit maybe i was too young (high school age) to fully understand "slaughterhouse five" - it went over my head - tho now i have an excellent excuse to re-read it (after i finish the new harry potter - yes, i love harry potter) *hangs head in shame*

Vonnegut may be known to many as the guy who wrote "so it goes" (a phrase later co-opted by Linda Ellerbee), but I think of something else when he comes to mind -- a small, smart bit of dialogue in Slaughterhouse Five.

"Why me?" asks one person in the book. wondering why he has been selected for punishment or something bad (I forget exactly what).

"Why anybody?" is the reply.

and kurosawaguy - ROTFLMAO!!!! TOO TRUE! TOO TRUE!

mo, most here like Harry Potter. We've talked about it. No need to be ashamed. I'll happily volunteer the information that I got my book at midnight on the 16th. And then I finished it by 8 o'clock on Saturday night. I told people I couldn't go out because Harry Potter had just come out--they would have to wait until Sunday night to enjoy my fine company.

as for artists that make me feel alive i'd have to say Vin Diesel makes me feel alive - but that may be for more carnal reasons!

Thank you for the memories and the chance to consider things that shaped my world. Vonnegut was one of them as was Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski and more. But I was thinking this week about the Flip-Flop flap in the WH And what has shaped them (20 somethings).

I have a business and have hired 'them' and could not fathom what challenges them in life. What to they want or want to fight for? They have no burning passion or curiosity for anything. Talk on the cell, look for split ends, and complain. All they learn is from CNN and indulgent parents. They read Harry Potter and study Paris Hilton. Text messaging is an art form. Would they ever struggle to embrace and understand Vonnegut or Kosinski? Or consider visiting the WH more then a board walk.

Thank for remindig me what shaped my world and my life. Sorry to sound like an old fart.

re: Kurosawaguy humor

...and a clever allusion to Joel's ivory-billed woodpecker post...

There are some who will remember what it was like to climb the harrowing two-lane Donner Pass road (highway), out of the Tahoe basin, in the 1960s. I remember the steep granite face, the grueling switchbacks, the bridge at the top before the top of the grade and the incredible height! And the supreme gratitude for having successfully scaled the summit! All in our family's '57 Chevy station wagon!

Old memories of this annual treacherous end-of-summer trek has remained as a stark reminder of why the Donner Party got stuck in the deep winter snows--the Sierra drifts being just one of the problems these sojourners faced.

For a better sense of the horrors of the Donner Party, the opening of the fictional work "Rabbit Boss" deals with a first-hand account from a native's perspective. This Thomas Sanchez work, "Rabbit Boss" is pretty old (I think it was reissued in the late 1980s), but a read not to be missed.

hey marko - as sara said WE read harry potter too!! and i cringe that paris hilton even exists! "that's hot" NOT!
as for the flip flops - completely and UTTERLY inappropriate. I just hit the 30 somethings and look at the 20's and wonder "do they just not get it?" tho to be fair - i'm sure there are a TON of 20's that are like us - we just focus on the one's that aren't - we 30's have plenty of cell phone, split ended, breast augmented, vacuous individuals - i should know, i went to school with them!

Good job on Vonnegut, one of my heroes for many, many years. He comes across exactly as I would expect, and I'm immensely pleased with the fine details because I'm sloppy, I smoke, and I don't tie my shoes either.

The bit about cannibalism is troubling. Don't know how many neo-cons read this blog, but the idea that democrats can be eliminated by that means might prove to be just too tempting.

So this is how you-JA- are dealing with the cureent state of affairs,quoting an ironic/ gallows humorist? Very interesting

I think every generation believes younger generations to be more frivolous than their own, and every generation has its own version of Paris Hilton.

Some Vonnegut trivia comes to mind. Didn't he name his son "Mark," after Mark Twain?

LP, I agree. And every generation also complains about the music, clothing and such of the following generation.

Kurt Vonnegut of Indianapolis, IN? If so, does he live there still?

Thanks much. HLB

Ahh, Vonnegut--I remember my dad reading us bits from "Welcome to the Monkey House" at bedtime when I was a kid. (That's when he wasn't reading us Asimov. My dad is weird.) I never could quite get into his longer books, but I dearly love his short stories.

Black humor's a great thing. You either laugh or you cry, and crying give anyone a headache after awhile....

Whoa Marko, back off. You should meet my daughter, kurosawachick. She reads Nabokov and John Barth and Vonnegut and Tolkien and Harry Potter too. She's about to turn 21 far from home studying architecture and furniture design in Denmark and Finland. She's had a job every summer since she was 14. I am myself an old fart and don't appreciate you giving us O.F.s a bad name with such comments about da yuts of today.

You got it, LP. The eighties had Madonna - the boy-toy, the sixties had Jane Fonda (I'm thinking of her Barbarella schtick). I don't remember the seventies being anything other than frivolous.

I hope I'm not one of those who thinks that about the generation below me. I don't fit the stereotype that people like Marko give to 20-somethings. I'm an avid Vonnegut reader but I also keep up on things like Harry Potter. Someday I'll have kids, I'd like to know what is out there for me to read to them and for them to read. And I thoroughly enjoy everything that I read because I just take joy in the act of reading. Except the Grapes of Wrath, I need a drink just thinking about it.

But I already find myself looking at teenagers and thinking, "Hillary Duff? What are you people thinking?" I need to stop that.

The fact that we all know about Paris Hilton and mo's "that's hot" reference makes me upset. There are some fads that I understand, but Paris Hilton, I just don't get it. I know that this country has a bizzarre obsession with celebrities, but how she ever became a celebrity is unbelievable. I am sad that her name has now "graced" a forum such as this.

So who would your 1990's version of 'Paris' have been Madonna, Myriah...?

I visited my past and found it wasn't there and neither was I. I visited my future and found it wasn't there and neither was I. So, I must be here.

toady, I can't comment on your Dad's wierdness just because he read Asimov to you.

Dr. A was a friend of the family (rather, my family), and a pretty funny guy in his own right. And I'm not just talking about his hair.

bc

I don't think Mariah Carey counts. She never achieved iconic status like Madonna for good reason. Madonna is more 80's than 90's however, although the woman has staying power.

I agree that Paris Hilton should not be mentioned on this blog. I cannot possibly discuss her without using four-letter words. But I sometimes wonder whether the American public is really that into her or if the tabloid journals just push her into our faces because she is so extremely vulgar.

the nineties had the boy bands. and the spice girls. It doesn't have to be one lone woman, it's just fame caused more by good publicity rather than any inherent talent. This goes back much further than the nineties. Remember the Monkees?

I remember the Monkees. They were gross. I much prefer Hillary's Duff.

Kurosawaguy, your daughter sounds cool. I'm also about to turn 21, away from home and I'm also studying architecture (in an art historical context, though). And Nabokov. I'm impressed. I've never read him, but someone suggested him to me when they found out I was reading Dostoyevsky. I'm not sure how they compare because I haven't taken the time yet to do any comparing, but I know that Nabokov isn't as interested in social commentary in literature as F.D. is. Which would be a nice change. Though a person can take F.D. at face value and just read it as a story (especially something like The Idiot), but I get sucked into comparing it to Russian culture at the time.

hey, mike nesbitt was hot.

Mo: There are many more than 15 people lurking about in this Kaboodle. Most of us just get a daily laugh reading your conversations amongst yourselves. That and I'm a little afraid of the spelling Nazi.

I might have to read some Vonnegut over again. I guess that I missed a lot of the satire and irony. Because of that, I found him to be incredibly depressing and lacking something.

As for the generational shaming...what's new? I don't see anything especially awful about today's teens compared to the previous generation or two. Hell, most of my friends growing up would make the typical kids today look like well-rounded, scholarly acolytes (hyper ones, but not so reprehensible).

...lost my head in the last post. I meant I much prefer Paris Hilton. Yes, she's really vulgar and slutty and dumb, but that insouciant smile and slick trashiness are one in a billion.

I'm hoping Paris Hilton will follow up on her "I just want to be a mother and be out of the spotlight now that I'm getting married" comment. There's no reason for her to be in the spotlight. There's no talent or anything there. And she even talks in a somewhat monotone voice. All around, she's boring.

Mo, Kurosawaguy: I will admit that I am tarring a generation with a fairly wide brush and that was not right: sorry. I guess what I was saying is that since I am old ready to take a dirt nap with no children to find my decomposing body I want to look back and see kick ass passion and questioning minds with a drive to know, experience, live and fight. If not I am going to suck down all the natural resources I can. (Humor)

The Monkees were definitely frivolous. But (now I'm showing my age here) I remember seeing Michael Nesmith perform solo at UCLA (he was the only actual musician in the band). He was a good singer and folksong writer. He'd transcended frivolousness and became respectable - and therefore nearly annonymous.

Way to go, Marko....I can understand what you're talking about. I have to work FOR some of those people. Overindulged, spoiled, whiney brats. Brittany Spears wannabes with every toenail perfectly polished. I have far more important things to worry about and I'm counting the months until I can retire.

Kurosawaguy: Thanks for listing a distant cousin in your daughter's reading material. I'm flattered every time someone mentions him in literature.

Like Marko, I also have not sired any of the offsprings, but I do get the opportunity to interact with kids and teens through relatives, neighborhoods, church and the like. Kids today ain't so bad really. Society today is pretty bad at times. Parents today can be pretty bloody awful. But all this is the same as it ever was.

If we hang around long enough, some of today's young, avid Harry Potter and Lemony Snicket readers will surprise us old farts with future contributions to American Lit. There is a lot that is going on in this world to be written about. It is an interesting, depressing, yet encouraing time to be alive. The kids that are coming of age with a love of books (thanks to the aforementioned works) may have a keen eye to see and understand the world in ways that will surprise.

On the subject of fame, here is an excerpt from one of the essays in "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim," by David Sedaris, which I'm currently reading and thoroughly enjoying:

"If there are, in fact, billions of other civilizations, where does that leave our celebrities? If worth is measured on a sliding scale of recognition, what would it mean if we were all suddenly obscure? How would we know our place?

In trying to make sense of this, I think back to a 1968 Labor Day celebration at the Raleigh Country Club. I was at the snack bar, listening to a group of sixth-graders who lived in another part of town and sat discussing significant changes in their upcoming school year. According to the girl named Janet, neither Pam Dobbins nor J.J. Jackson had been invited to the Fourth of July party hosted by the Duffy twins, who later told Kath Matthews that both Pam and J.J. were out of the picture as far as the seventh grade was concerned. 'Totally, completely out,' Janet said. 'Poof.'

I didn't know any Pam Dobbins or J.J. Jackson, but the reverential tone of Janet's voice sent me into a state of mild shock. Call me naive, but it had simply never occurred to me that other schools might have their own celebrity circles. At the age of twelve, I thought the group at E. C. Brooks was if not nationally known, then at least its own private phenomenon. Why else would our lives revolve around it so completely? I myself was not a member of my school's popular crowd, but I recall thinking that, whoever they were, Janet's popular crowd couldn't begin to compete with ours. But what if I was wrong? What if I'd wasted my entire life comparing myself with people who didn't really matter? Try as I might, I still can't wrap my mind around it."

Dear WASP, why worry?

RA,
You're safe for now, as the spelling nazi only pops out of me at moments when the situation is absolutely desperate. I mean, there were three mistakes glaring out at me at the bottom 1/16 of the blog that I simply could not let go.

Maybe we could come up with an arrangement where I only point out your every other spelling mistake. I can't speak for Tom fan, however.

TA:
Now that we have the SCC, I'm pretty much obsolete.

The Monkees were marvelous--they were the only show on Sunday mornings worth watching (for those of you who remember the days before cable).

I think WASP was referring to worrying about toenail painting. I can relate to that. But you're right -- why worry? Don't worry, be happy.

Well, we appear to be safely off topic...

For those of you who are still trying to figure out why the terrorists hate us so much, here's an article from yesterday's Aljazeera.net page that might help you a little. If nothing else the article is well crafted and introduces the concept that the terrorists are robbing the (good) Muslims of their "victimhood", an idea that may be very important or just nutty... I haven't decided yet.

http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/25D45C98-471B-4A36-8253-F2120BEA180F.htm

Be sure to read the comments on the article. A little wilder than the comments here, but they stay on topic better.

JA, have you thought about adding a spell checker or would that take the fun out of it?

Tom fan,
Thanks for the David Sederis. He read a different excerpt from his book at Georgetown last fall that I was lucky enough to attend, but I still haven't bought the book, which I should.

One of the best parts of adulthood, I think, is the lack of a popular crowd. I never thought anything could matter so much when I was pre-teen and teen. When I went away to college, it was such a profound revelation to know find happiness making friends with people who liked me for who I was, who I was free to like back. Time and again, my mom would tell me that popularity wouldn't matter when I was older, but I could not believe it.

the vin diesel comment was mine - don't know why my name came off of it...
sara - i've read Dostoyevsky and other russian writers and they kinda make me really sad cuz the russian culture back then was so grim - like Chekov plays -
and marko - i sometimes feel like that too but then look at someone as brilliant as Dakota Fanning - i know she's far less than 20 but she's just so... brilliant!

"Long Pig," now there's something new. Thanks!

MOVE OVER
From the 1970 release "Monster"
Words and music by John Kay and Gabriel Mekler

Things look bad from over here
Too much confusion and no solution
Everyone here knows your fear
You're out of touch and you try too much

Yesterday's glory won't help us today
You wanna retire?
Get out of the way

The country needs a father
Not an uncle or big brother
Someone to keep the peace at home
If we can't get together
Look out for stormy weather
Don't make me pay for your mistakes
I have to pay my own

Yesterday's glory won't help us today
You wanna retire?
Get out of the way

I ain't got much time
The young ones close behind
I can't wait in line

If we can not wake you
Then we'll have to shake you
Though some say you'll only understand a gun
Got to prove them wrong
Or you will lose the battle
Don't you know we'll start a war
Which will be won by none

Yesterday's glory won't help us today
You wanna retire?
Get out of the way

I ain't got much time
The young ones close behind
I can't wait in line

Move over
Come on, Move Over

JAG, Thanks for the aljazeera link. I thought it was illuminating. The writer is clearly not a fan of the Western (military) approach to fighting terrorim, but she's no Islamist either. I tend to agree with one of the comments (but for different reasons): Islam needs leaders - good, honest leaders, who respect secular governments and cultures.

OK, I'm done. Back to the Monkees.

Mo: I agree -- Dakota Fanning and others with lower Q ratings are brilliant. I wish I didn't have to dig through blogs, east village readings, WMFU, and portland ME, OR to find minds that question and want to learn and think and inspire. Clear channel, Infinity, ABC, CBS, Fox, etc etc hand us vapid and we accept it. The revolution has been televised in HD with sponsors.

okay, this is completely off topic, but....

I think my state rep. is stalking me. I have no idea what to do about this.

I'm not joking. Anyone have any ideas as to how to get rid of an overly-eager middle aged state rep? anyone?

JAG,
I liked the article, too. Her idea that the moral high road has now shifted to the oppressors (U.S.) is incredibly profound. So many (untraveled) Americans refuse to believe that America has made terrible foreign policy choices, and Bush's black and white view of the world does nothing to illuminate the debate into one that could be constructive.

LP,
What state? Stalking physically or by phone or e-mail?

LP, if it's a guy, then throw him a copy of the Paris Hilton video....

but marko - look at all the success of the discovery channel and all of it's spin-offs - tlc, discovery health, animal planet - those are absolutely my favorite channels and wonderful learning opportunities (ok, ok - i'm hooked on american choppers - not exactly educational but hey, i know how to assemble a custom chopper!) I don't have any rug-rats either and it's funny when i buy gifts for my nephews or other kids - i refuse to buy anything that's not educational - whether toy or book...
and look at the phenomenon of harry potter - it's the top selling book of all time - which means kids are READING!!!!! millions and millions of kids are reading - ok, it's not vonnegut but it could be, all you gotta do is get that seed of the love of reading to root just a little and it takes offfffffffffffffff
and JAG - VERY interesting article!!! my fav comment was:
A martyr dies for others. A murderer kills others. Indiscriminate mass homicide is not martyrdom. The people of the world must stand for this principle as one.
-- Theo Clark, Australian in Britain
i mean, how much plainer can it be said??

There's Hope Department: My 21-year-old son just returned from a year's internship in Germany. He had pix from Dresden and many of the remains of the firebombing. He has found my old copy of Vonnegut's Catch-22 and is reading it. He said he tried it earlier and couldn't get into it, but having seen Dresden he had a new appreciation of the book.

bc--I meant "weird" in the most complimentary way possible, you understand! To me, it's high praise. However, it did startle my little sister's kindergarten teacher when she said that Isaac Asimov's Robot stories were some of her favorite bedtime books....

Paris Hilton--uugh. It annoys me to be vaguely group-able with her age group.

Nothin intrinsically wrong with painting one's toenails, though... (discreetly hides feet under desk)

Do you work for him? As in is he looking for you to do actual work on a Friday? For shame on him.

Open query to all. Why is Friday a work day? Could we not just stay home so we could underperform there?

LP - No politician needs this kind of bad publicity (remember Chandra Levy?). Confront him directly, advise him that you are not interested, and (if he's relentless) let him know that if he pursues the matter his constituents may read about it in the paper.

I was inferring that I have such things as a mortgage, an elderly sick parent, bills, and obligations to pay. These flip-flop wearing, vapid youngsters have had everything handed to them on a silver platter with no effort on their part. All they need is rich parents. Heaven forbid they should have to put forth some effort.

Speaking of popularity in high school -- I used to watch the Buddy Deane show out of Baltimore in the early 1960's. John Waters' "Hairspray" is based on that show. The resident teens who danced daily on the show actually had fan clubs of their own! One was Mary Lou Raines, another was Joe Cash. Back in those days there were only two kinds of teens -- Joe College and Greasers. I didn't belong to either. Came from a blue-collar working class background, not a chance in hell of going to college, left home at 19 to support myself without a dime from parents. And I'm proud to say I've done pretty well for myself. Blogging with intellectual eggheads in a flaming left-wing liberal rag. I can speak in complete sentences, too. Can those flip-floppers say anything without inserting "like" in the sentence?

Bill Bryson writes some funny stuff, too. Read "From a Sunburned Country" about his trip through Australia.

Lunch hour is over -- get back to work if you have jobs.

LP, that's a disturbing stalker situation...did you vote against him? That could make it worse. Or did you vote for him? Maybe he just needs a friend and he figures the best place to find one is among his voter pool.

Become apathetic about absolutely everything while in his presence--have no opinion. He'll get bored and decide you're not worth stalking, whether he's angry-stalking or friendly-stalking.

lunch hour?? SCHA! i do this all day!!! fortunately my job requires that i be at the computer all day!

re: TA's comment about world travelers.

I get your point and think it is a decent one, but I think you are missing wide left when you cite untraveled Americans as the ones that do not believe that Bush has made poor foreign policy choices.

Hear where I'm coming from on this. I'm a conservative, but I don't really care for the choices made under the neo-conservative foreign policy. What concerns me about a lot of this side of conservatism is that the most strident and steadfast supporters of this foreign policy are VERY well traveled, as is a significant portion of their base. Granted, there are wide swaths of the base that are not traveled, but it is this sort of fundamental misunderstanding that I think hurts the debate. It is also an untrue stereotype, I believe, that the left is well traveled and the right not so.

The stalking has occured via post. He's a really nice guy and all, but I don't think any other state rep writes personal letters inviting plain-jane constituents to his offices in the state house, like, once a week. Of course, the stalking thing is a little bit in jest, a little bit serious. Last year at a CSA meeting he just made me right nervous by proclaiming, as he met me, that I should take his card and "call him for anything at all" which would be fine if he had said that to anyone else at all.

I just need all the mail to stop! argh!
(really, I just find the whole thing a little bit funny. The guy who opposed him in the last election also saw me half naked, as he knocked on my door to introduce myself and I just thought it was going to be my roommate. I have an odd history with local politicians.)

Okay, I'm over it......

Paris Hilton is possibly the most talented self-promoter in history, which I think is an achievement of some sort. I mean, most people have SOMETHING to work with--some talent or claim to fame. I wouldn't be surprised if Paris Hilton is really a genius with no sense of scruples who is playing a very successful trick on all of us. People are posting here about how they are so above matters such as Paris, but, well, you brought her up.

I think if you looked carefully at the people throughout history who were famous just for being famous, you'd find a group of very shrewd, mischievous people.

LP - Now please don't take this wrong. But I'm just thinking that opportunity sometimes takes strange forms: You might want to consider becoming a lobbyist.

toady, I was just pulling your leg a bit.

One of my daughers in Middle school startled a teacher with the declaration that Carl Hiaasen is one of her favorite authors. And all she's read is "Hoot" and some of his work at the Miami Herald - no "Skin Tight", "Double Whammy", "Stormy Weather" etc.

Here's hoping that the movie version of "Hoot" is more like "Holes" than "Striptease".

bc

Right on! I was thinking my destiny was to work for something like the Enquirer. When I was a photography student one of my first published photos was of a local city coucilor, quite drunk, riding a huge squirrel that had been carved out of a tree trunk.

You couldn't make this stuff up....

Irregardless (It's wierd starting an entry with this blog name; it sounds like I'm continuing some other thought)...Anyway, Irregardless, I'm with you. What appears to separate educated and "well traveled" liberals from conservatives (and greens and neocons) is a difference in world view and perceptions of human nature.

Hahaha. What was the caption for that photo? I would think that it didn't really need one, but editors always have to muck things up, right?

I'm with jw. Shameless self-promotion is a form of talent. Just look at Joel's clever book plugs.

Also to mo: I agree about there being superb television out there to balance the putrid. For every 'Fear Factor' we have 'Without a Trace' and for every 'Bachelor' we have 'Inspector Lynley.' And there is absolutely nothing in the world wrong with enjoying the chopper shows. The mass production of shows about trades and the art of skilled labor is the best thing to happen to television in my lifetime. I was a skilled laborer for many years and will become one again soon. There is beauty and life in working with your mind and hands to build something like a chopper. Now, if you just watch it to hear the bickering, then fine you should feel ashamed (kidding, I like that too, funny stuff).

You are right, irregardless. But I cannot help but think that it tends to be the people unexposed to other cultures who buy the "black and white" argument hook, line, and sinker. And I guess I should have elaborated on my definition of travelling. I don't mean staying at the Ritz or some other very-protected residence wherever you may travel and having guards and drivers to insulate you from actually having to deal with the locals. I mean going through the hell of working in or travelling through what to you may seem a very backwards country, making your way, dealing with culture shock, and finding locals who will befriend you and open their homes to you so that you realize their humanity. My parents never did any of that, and although they profess to yearn for the romanticism of it, they have not had the experience, and so see the US as squeaky clean and other nations less so to varying degrees.

My parents met me in France while I was working in West Africa (and wouldn't come visit there) and the first meal they ate, they thought they had gotten salmonella. And I was living with amoebas and giardia!

irregardless - lol - yes, somewhat for the bickering but mostly for the pure ART of what they produce, i mean some of those bikes are the most amazing things ever!!! i'm also hooked on monster house and all the home improvement shows but also on the real life er shows... reality tv is a GREAT thing - when done right that is!!! (ok - i admit i never missed an episode of american idol - even tvo'd it - and salivated over constantine - but then again i was a performer for several years - i look at it as keeping an eye on the industry! *sheepish grin*)

Captions?

"Drunk City Council Member Gets Squirrelly"?

"Intoxicated City Council Member Rides Tail."

"Drunk Rides Trunk; Squirrel Site of Embarassment for City Councilman."

I dunno...

bc

Kurt Vonnegut may be an illustration of one of my favorite bumper stickers:

"The more you complain, the longer God lets you live."

(sorry to go off-topic by going back to the topic; I've been away)

Ha! to both LP's picture and bc's captions. Only on the Achenblog...

the caption - geez, my memory isn't so good. I had no control - i think it was just his name and the event. Which I will not divulge, cuz he's still in office.

My, my! With all this Paris Hilton talk, and LP's half-naked and squirrel riding stuff, I'm getting...er...distracted and may skip lunch.

COMPLETELY off-topic - what do you guys think about the random search of people with bags/backpacks on nyc subway, buses, trains and ferrys???

Window dressing, but even window dressing has a purpose.

mo: a guy in my office was actually in a reality show that aired on the Learning Channel called "Escape from Experiment Island." We watched the video the other day and it's hilarious!

jw - experiment island??? eeep!!! what were these experiments? of a human nature?? i'd escape too!!!

Wasn't it Vonnegut who wrote "Science marches on..."?

A good read for anyone who finds Paris Hilton, cable news and spin detrimental to society is Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman. His book, published in the late 80s talkes about how the television era is destroying our ability to see what is actually "educational" and "informative". I don't agree with all his points, but the book changed how I look at the media in a big way. Comment if you have read it.

I go to a liberal university in DC (yeah that sure narrows it down) and there are plenty of kids who have just what you described, life handed to them on a silver platter. However, there a LOT of us who have worked since we were young to get the grades to go to college and who value every minute we spend in classes with amazing professors and thank our father's for driving a truck or delivering mail so we have all the help they can give us. There are a lot of us who've been raised to have manners, respect other's cultures, read the newspaper and learn to argue a point without being offensive.

It's just as closed-minded and vapid to insult an entire generation you're only exposed to through the media as it is for some teens to base their life around what club Paris was making out with her fiance in this weekend.

Cow Town,
Can you elaborate on this?

"What appears to separate educated and "well traveled" liberals from conservatives (and greens and neocons) is a difference in world view and perceptions of human nature."

Are you perchance from Davis, CA?

Ah, the Chopper /Chop Cut /Slash build shows.

As much of that stuff as I've done in my life (and continute to do now), those shows don't hold my interest.

I guess "Monster Garage" is about the most I can tolerate, though I used to enjoy "Junkyard Wars" before they Amercianized it. Building "catalog trailer queens" are a lot less interesting to me than things that actually work.

I haven't seen anything yet on those shows that are as funny or as interesting as some of the stuff I've Observed in person.

bc

i also have to thank JA and every last single one of you - as is normal on a fri afternoon - it is DEAD, DEAD, DEADINSKY in my office, i'm the only one here and i'd be BORED out of my SKULL if it wasn't for the kaboodle!!! sorry if i have an overflux of postings... it's the only thing keeping me sane!! well, relatively so... well... if it weren't for the meds... hah!

mo, it was a little like a cross between "Survivor" and "Junkyard Wars." They had to build a concrete canoe to escape the island, and along the way they had little missions which would give them a head start at the end. Having him there commentating was like being at MST3K Live.

By the way, is Mystery Science Theater 3000 still on at all? I miss it! I guess I could buy the dvds.

bc:
I'm assuming, as a fellow Observer, that your capitalization of the O in "Observed" is no typo.

Dreamer, you assume correctly, Your Majesty.

bc

They only keep my office open on friday as a formality. I do get to leave early, though.

MST3K was the best show ever, i also wonder if it's still on tv. One of my roommate's mother used to videotape it and send him tapes with a whole marathon of shows on them, and I still have a bunch of those tpaes. They never get old!

LP, re the Stalker- fight back. Get his name onto the mailing lists of every aggressive Amway salesman, every religious zealot, every Nigerian scam artist going. If he is single, offer to fix him up with an aunt or a co-worker, someone you obviously consider age appropriate for a man of his advanced years. If you have a lesbian friend with sense of humor (most in my experience do), ask her to "butch up to the max" and let him see you together. All of this advice comes with the more sober proviso that if there is any hint of aggression, bug out of there pronto and report the situation to the cops.

A couple more Observations:

1. bc's 2nd known entry for the SCC today from 1:51 PM post: "continue". Bah...

2. Do you think that Dave Barry's just a bit jealous about the comment activity on this blog over the past few weeks?

3. Would Gene W admit it even if he were?

bc

bc

More on world-travellers:
I'm a lefty, but I agree with irregardless that travelling is no guarantee of comprehension of the world. I once saw an American woman screaming at a Russian kiosk attendant in Russia for not being able to speak English. If her travels couldn't even help her get it through her thick skull that Russian is typically the language spoken in Russia, how on earth could they lead to a more enlightened understanding of international politics?

JW: "Concrete canoes"??? Granted, I'm a historian not a naval architect, but wouldn't those, um, sink?

bc, who wouldn't be jealous of someone who has his very own Kaboodle. And not just any old kaboodle, but a kaboodle with a capital K.
You know, I think the fact that we've evolved from TSA-15 to a Kaboodle is a positive development. The Kaboodle is so much more egalitarian; no-one is excluded.

kurosawaguy great advice! i'm laughing so hard - if you knew what the little gumbah looked like - i mean, he's in his forties or so, and only lives with his little chihouhau (sp?) mix. He is actually a very nice guy, stalking is probably an extreme word, and he definitly does good things for this state.....but I DO know how to get a bunch of mormons to go to his house for 'recruitment' purposes.

(no offense meant to any mormons out there)

LP, I don't mean to over look your plight regarding unwanted attention from the State Rep.

My suggestion (and I have no experience of being a woman, so take it for what it is) it to tell him up front that you think his attention is inappropriate and that he's making you uncomfortable.

You may also casually mention in conversation that you know some people at the Washington Post...

If he's a Bright Boy, he'll figure it out.

You can't control what's going on in his head, hopefully you can manage how it affects you.

bc

Maybe we've invented a whole new concept: a kaboodle of bloggers, like a pride of lions, a murder of crows, or a gaggle of geese (actually "gaggle" is probably more descriptive of this blog, especially on Fridays).

Nah, it's all about displacement. If the volume of the canoe displaces a volume of water with a greater mass than that of the cement used to make the canoe, it will float.

I once sent Gene W. a very long email on the nature of displacement and whether a tampon could keep a boat from sinking, but he ignored it. It even had a highly scientific diagram!

Re Kaboodle: I saw a reference to something called a moblog today. I think that's what we are. This is definitely no conventional blog.

the captions by 'bc' are hilarious! "Rides Tail," ha!

TA, I hate to keep debating this travel thing (ok, I lied, it's fun like picking a scab!), but I have a subtle point to make by way of example. I do the whole 'mission' thing, as has my family for many generations. The ones that I've done have mostly all been non-denominational christian. A few were the whacko jacko kind and I bugged out fast. The vast majority of the rest have been relatively non-religious outside of recreational activities of the group (ie, no proselytizing). I've gone everywhere that is anywhere. I've met thousands of similar folks. Most of them would fit the bill of a well traveled conservative. Hardly a one would ever qualify for the stereotype of the posh traveler. These people work themselves to the bone to try and help people in dire need. They often subject themselves to pestilence to try and change another person's life. There are lots of folks like this that can range from sophisticated yuppies to blue collar trades to high school teachers. Generally, the spoiled, demanding, and ungrateful travelers that give Americans bad names get under the skin of these missionaries as much as it does the Peace Corps crowd.

jw, grtc-
If you've ever been to the southern tip of Cape May, NJ, there's a very famous concrete ship just offshore there. I think it was a wartime experiment to conserve "war materials" like steel...

Oh, wait, here's a link: http://www.sunsetbeachnj.com/concreteship.html

bc

bc--what, you got a thing for frog legs?

My adopted granddaddy goes by b.c. This is disconcerting.

Ditto on the displacement--basically, the ship has to mass less than the volulme of water it displaces. However, I probably got something wrong there, physics was awhile ago and I took it pass-fail. I like it, but it was never my thing.

Are you sure we aren't a "murder" of bloggers? I can only imagine what would happen if my boss walked in and read the bits about the tampon and the boat....

I do enjoy seeing words like Kaboodle and Kaboodler right up there in the Kit, masquerading as standard English. Imagine the confusion of first-time Achenbloggers. To whom I would say, What, you're telling me you don't know what a Kaboodler is?

Thank you for the explanation, JW; I am officially in awe over your vast scientific expertise. I also will be sure to bring along a tampon the next time I go on a cruise.

Why are people so upset that a woman's sports team wore flip flops to the White House? Have you SEEN the tourists in line for the WH tour? In line to meet the President? Walking through Arlington Cemetary in cut off shorts, black socks, mesh tank tops and oversized sunglasses????

Actually, I like the black sock/short short combo. It's weirdly compelling.

Cool picture, bc -- but the best part is the typo on that web page: United States **Sipping** Board.

Toady: good point re your boss ... Perhaps then we'd become a corpus of bloggers.

irregardless-
I seem to be punnier, er, funnier in small doses.

With my friends and co-workers, all we have to do is pass a word or arched eyebrow when a certian word is said, and we giggle like schoolgirls for 20 minutes.

My wife gets the Full Exposure, which may partially explain why she runs off to foreign countries a couple of times a year.

I think she's de-toxing.

bc

Just to clarify, I don't usually contemplate using tampons as emergency patching devices, but it's from a commercial and was mentioned in Gene's chat. Some aerospace engineer wrote a very wronge explanination for how it would work, but I guess she was funnier or something. My diagram was really good though.

Dreamer: I admit that the second or third time I read it (it is a thrill to be mentioned, after all) I wondered what some people would think upon being told that I was a "frequent Kaboodler". My daughter might be reading this!!

Message to Twinsmom: Joseph Heller wrote Catch-22 (your 1:01pm post), not Vonnegut, for goodness sake.

***

I'm going to take a print of this blog, a few books and pix of Paris Hilton that one of you must have handy, and then bulk up my backback.

I meant for that e to be there. That's the, um, British spelling.

silly British...

I think you should be proud of your Frequent Kaboodler status, kbertocci. Maybe one day it will be possible for us to accrue Frequent Kaboodler miles, or points that we can redeem at any Starbucks.

irregardless,
I think you and I are on the same page, but that you think I am reserving my idea of the "experienced traveler" for liberals only. If I implied that in my earlier message, it was not my intent. You pointed out that you disagree with Bush foreign policy and probably other conservatives do as well, and travel experiences may play a part in their reasons for doing so. Unfortunately, I do not know many conservatives who feel that way, just as you may not know so many liberals willing to loudly state their disagreement with the Democratic Party platform. This is all fear on both sides of the aisle. The moderates always get silenced in order for the party to differentiate itself.

Oh, yeah--I truly am proud and want to run around to everyone I know and say, "I was mentioned in the Kit!!!!" But more than that, I want to avoid being Baker Acted. So I'll just keep it here. "We Know Who We Are."

toady-
I like my frog legs Buffalo-style.

Pretty hot, with some Bleu Cheese, some carrot, celery and a good pint of beer.

bc

Why does nobody eat toad legs?

Eating toad legs makes me thing of that Far Side about where beef jerky comes from.

You know when you hit Post, and it takes a few seconds, and that entire time your typo is sitting there staring you in the face and you can't do anything about it? I hate that.

To grtc,

Yeah, concrete boats actually do float. I once owned a concrete sailboat, but sold it cause it reminded too much of my doublewide on shore.

Yum, a good pint of beer sounds delish right about now...

So, JW, I read Gene's chat and I thought that engineer's explanation sounded logical. What was wrong with it? And I'm sorry your post got overlooked there -- I'm sure all the 'Boodlers here would love to see your diagramme [the British spelling, as a shout-out to you].

JW, funny observation! Use JA's technique. First post a simple, before-the-fact retraction, then your main post.

hey jw - what's an "explanination"? more british speak?
and to those that eat frogs legs - you should be ashamed of yourselves!!! now all i have is a mental picture of all these frogs tooling about in wheel chairs...

Beer and wings sound good. With lots of bc (blue cheese). *(winky emoticon)

hey jw - what's an "explanination"? more british speak?
and to those that eat frogs legs - you should be ashamed of yourselves!!! now all i have is a mental picture of all these frogs tooling about in wheel chairs...

darn it! my first double post! i SWEAR i didn't hit the post button twice!

and stop with the beer and wings (it's ok to eat chicken wings cuz they still have their feet - besides, like they need them to fly! right!) i still have two hours to go and i'm salivating!!!

Her explanation had something about a pressure gradient through the tampon, but in a static state a gradient isn't possible. The water will always continue to flow UNTIL the forces equalize, and that can't happen when the level of water inside the boat is lower than the level of water in the lake. As to what happens then, it depends on what the boat is made out of.

that double post what the antigravity irony filter I installed in the blogging software. That's what you get for pointing out my bad typing. Although, reading 'expananination' out loud is fun.

Can you tell it's Friday?

that double post what the antigravity irony filter I installed in the blogging software. That's what you get for pointing out my bad typing. Although, reading 'expananination' out loud is fun.

Can you tell it's Friday?

Hey! What's going on here? I blame Moi Moi.

TA - wow, I don't know whether to be flattered or humiliated, or both.

You have a real way with guys.
If you have a siginificant other who happens to be of the male gender, he's a lucky guy.

Seriously, if Joel ever has a book signing anywhere within 50 miles of Washington DC (that is, if Joel's agent and publisher would like to see a decent sized crowd treat him like a rock star), I'd be happy to hoist a pint and share some wings/legs with the lot of you.

This of course defore we stumble drunkenly into the book store with our "Hi, I'm (your Kerboodle name here)" name tags, demanding of people, "Do you know who I AM?".

Joel, your agent and publisher have thought of this, haven't they?

bc

I would so be there! Total dork-fest!

That sounds like quite a party. But instead of wearing "Hello! I'm ____" tags, we could play Guess the Kaboodler.

Ooh...that would be great. I have to admit, I spend quite a bit of time imagining what everyone looks like. Especially Sara, my little cupcake.

TA ("Are you perchance from Davis, CA?") HAHAHA! Actually, I probably sounded like I'm from Marin County, CA. My point is, I don't think traveling necessarily changes one's perspective of life, the universe, and everything. You take whatever baggage you have with you. Some people experience an epiphany while on the road to Bankok. Others simply sweat and complain about the room service. Whether you're a liberal, conservative, moderate, wild-eyed leftie, or red-meat neocon, it depends on the belief system you've developed over the years. Traveling can influence that system, or not.

Time for the spelling Nazi!

bc,
Don't blush or anything, I actually eat enough blue cheese to where I abbreviate it. But then when I saw what I had written, I decided to roll with it.

I like my bc purely on the side, by the way.

Oh, and just so you know, I don't wear a kaftan, or have bells on my toes, or anything weird like that, in case some of my posts may have led you to picture me that way.

Since it's Friday and Joel has obviously gone out onto the Achenporch for a cervesa and a cigarillo, I'd like to get people's thoughts on the subject of porches. There was a recent piece in the WaPo real estate section on porches and how they add value, yada yada yada. Here are my thoughts on porches. Front is better than back, open is better than screened, big is better than little, high is better than low, wraparound is best. Must have swing. Plants are good, fans are good. Crannies for small birds to nest are good(but messy). Rockers are very good, but rundown wicker is OK too. All furniture must be compatible with dirt, sweat, grass stains, animals, and kids. Sleeping dogs are very very good(preferably large and shaggy). If you can get a good house with a good porch in a neighborhood with sidewalks and large trees, you are in homeowner heaven. No mere deck can compare.

Cow town,
Yeah, I realized afterwards that Davis was completely inconsistent with your statement, but I asked because I went to Davis for a while and people from the urban mecca of Sacramento always called it a cow town.

OK, on the porch, but screening should be optional. If you live in Fairbanks, Alaska or Bangor, Maine the mosquitoes would drag you off an unscreened porch.

Oh, and about those bench seats out of the minivan? They're OK on the back porch, but not in the front! We have our standards. They're low, but we have them.

Nope, I'm from a flyover state kind of cow town.

And Kurosawaguy, front porches only work in the Midwest, South or East. In L.A., where there are rarely any setbacks, your front porch would put you right on the sidewalk.

Oops, that TA post (about cow towns and porches) wasn't TA's, it was me. Sorry.

since i'm an avid wearer of black (actually that's all i wear - will i be easy to spot at the dork-fest or WHAT?) so i'm not big on sitting outside in the sun and heat. in fact, i hate being hot... wait let me rephrase that... i HATE HATE HATE being hot... i like winter and snow and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. That being said my mother's house has a lovely back porch (deck? what's the diff?) with a high privacy fence lined on the inside by cyprus trees and in-ground lighting and two huge oak trees on either side of the porch/deck. at night with the lights on it makes me feel like we are back in Venice (i'm a liberal world traveler and have seen the seedier sides of the world). i usually only porch in the fall or spring when i can sit comfortably outside and not be to hot. btw - did i mention i HATE being hot??

JA, have you tried Maytag bc? It is made, as I understand it, by a black sheep offspring of the Maytag of washing machine fame. Quite good, but, of course, milage may vary.

yeah, cow town - i agree with the front porch thing - Midwest, South or East - i lived in LA - you don't want to front porch in la cuz you might get hit in the drive-by!!! i have dreamy daydreams about big old houses in georgia with wraparound porches and southern belles in big hoop skirts sipping mint julips... (course in my daydreams the outside is air-conditioned cuz i hate being hot)

Do we really want to start calling this shin-dig a dork-fest?
(Well, maybe the name fits, if the only better term I've come up with is "shin-dig.")

MO: Black is the preferred clothing color of urbane, cultured, city dwellers and celebrities. So perhaps you would be attending the celebrity dork-fest. I too prefer the back porch only because I'm less likely to hear the boom cars passing by.

Personally I'm a fan of a big front porch, inhabited by a broken down goodwill sofa and a dorm fridge filled with MGD.

How about "Kaboodler's Ball?"

HAH! cap girl - you've been hanging out at too many frat parties! LOL

and yes cowtown - i'm an urban, cultured, city dweller who's a celeb in my own mind - sheesh i graduated from NYU - i think i'm mandated by law to wear only black...

hey dork-fest, shin-dig - i'm comfy with being a dork... maybe we should call it an achenfest???

btw - did we get ditched by our fearless leader?

But we wouldn't have to dress up or anything. And I actually like the idea of playing "Guess the Kaboodler", although I'm not sure how we would put that into practice.

I remember a bit from "Jurassic Park" - Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) is wearing black in the jungle, claiming that it's actually cooler than white. Something to do with black body radiation. If you're not in direct sunlight, maybe ... maybe ...

Ah, here's a relevant link - wear silver reflective clothing! Or does this only work if you're dead?

http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/newton/askasci/1993/physics/PHY35.HTM

i like achenpalooza.

cause you can't have a party without your achen pals.

you don't have to frequent a frat house to enjoy the simple pleasures of goodwill sofas and MGD, the champagne of beer, on the front porch. but it helps if you do.

Achenpalooza! I like that a lot. (I like Kaboodler's Ball too, but I have a terrible feeling someone would try to make something dirty out of it.)

Wow. I went to lunch and took an hour to buy an air conditioner and I had to catch up on over 100 comments or so.

Regarding the Guess Which Kaboodler name-game, I'm pretty sure I'd be horrible at it. I might be able to pick out jw. I imagine he's dreamy. And if he held a gallon of Rocky Road and I held a cupcake that might make recognition easier.

We should start an "I'm an Achenblogger" picture website. Then we could devote even more time out of our lives to this little slice of heaven on the internet.

Black is supposed to be better in the sun because it absorbs UV radiation, while white clothing allows it to travel right through to wreck havoc with your tender white skin. That is, if you have tender white skin. And, I've always considered black t-shirts to be dressier, like for church.

Over 181 comments and counting...topics far and ranging...deep and not so deep...summer Friday on the Web in blog land...

Pssst just opened a cold frosty one

Screen dispensations are granted for Alaska, Maine, Minnesota, and anywhere else where they can eat faster than you can slap. Goodwill sofas are welcomed as long as they don't stink too bad after the wet dog lies on them. My condolences to those who live in unporchable environments and those unable to distinguish between a porch and a deck.

I'm quite the fan of black. It's my color. That and coral. Not to sound conceited, but I look good in coral. Put me in coral and black and jw wouldn't be able to resist.

Joel is surely our finest contemporary expert on the porch, no?

Not to brag, but what about a house that has as much porch sq ft as house sq ft. Full front and full back. Wide, elevated, eyeing my domain, with beadboard ceilings and swinging furniture. Granted, the house is mostly half junk, but the porches are world class. Now if only I could deal with humidity. I'm with mo on that subject.

I just got to remembering this old porch at a Colorado moutain inn that I once visited. Can't remember the name, but the porch, oh heaven. Curling up on a sheltered porch in the rocky mountains, listening to the rain on the tin roof, drinking coffee and reading a good book. That's where my mind is right now...

More tidbits from the web on the subject of black clothing in hot weather - it seems there are many variables involved.

http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/gen01/gen01173.htm

btw, whenever someone says "(x) is the new black", I wanna scream - black will never be replaced!

What would constitute an "unporchable environment," kurosawaguy? Antarctica?

There should be "I'm an Achenblogger" T-shirts, and bumper stickers, and fridge magnets -- the whole kit and kaboodle. (Ha!)
[Now I'm laughing at my own "jokes"; definitely time to go home.]

There should be an entire "I'm an Achenblogger" franchise! Website, coffee cups, games (Guess the Kaboodler), t-shirts, books written by us (for us). It'd be great!

oh my what have i started? i spose i always thought from what i could remember in high school science that black absorbs heat in direct sunlight - so it wouldn't make a difference if i was say, inside, or in the shade - my mother's porch isn't covered only shaded by the trees so i'd have to adjust my porching according to the path of the sun should i porch on a sunny day - well, a warm sunny day...

ah irregardless - that's a lovely dreamy daydream! even better than my georgia one! can i borrow?

i vote for achenpalooza!!

and the "i'm an achenblogger" t-shirts would have to come in black!!! i have my standards you know!

Pin the Tail on Achenbach! (For ranters and ravers only)

Sara,

And you think JA isn't on that? He's meeting with venture capitalists this afternoon.

JAG, you're my hero for providing me with this information. It made my day!

*gasp* i actually had to do a moment of work just now! oh, the humanity!!!

Has anyone seen fdg31 lately?

Oh man, I go do some real work for a bit and see what I've missed! Geez, you guys!

bc--that sounds deliciously treif. And just before Sabbath, too!

kbertocci--people don't eat toad legs. Why? We don't know. The French (damn frogs!) invented it. Waitaminnit. Maybe this all ties back into cannibalism!

Frog legs, cheese (mmm cheese) and now a cupcake (that'd be Sara!)--I'm all hungry!

I'm gonna miss this next week whilst I vacation on the sunny Carolina beaches. How pathetic is that? Makes me want my very own "I'm an Achenblogger" visor (or maybe a bikini).

Sara:
I just saw fdg31 over in the Toads Kit. I said "Hi," but I think she's gone again.

We'll make you a bikini with "I'm an Achenblogger" across the butt. It'll be like those pathetic "Mrs. Timberlake" t-shirts, only cool because it's the Achenblog, not Justin Timberlake (who sounds like a woman when he sings).

Okay. Just wondered if she was on vacation. Haven't seen her lately.

There should also be "I Survived RoveStorm 2005" T-shirts.

Definitely. That was a monumental sort of day for the blog.

"Unporchable environment" was just my snotty Right Coast way of referring to Kalifornia, where we are told that porchin' ain't possible. Although they got lots of bungalows in Kalifornia and every bungalow's got a porch, so I don't know about that. Maybe you have to be a millionaire to buy a bungalow in L. A. Come to think of it , you got to be a millionaire to buy a bungalow here these days. Oh, and put me down for Achenpalooza.

I have this awful feeling that JA has sneaked off to his favorite bar in Alexandria, and is chuckling wickedly at the thought that we poor saps are doing his job for him - entertaining the masses quietly reading the Kaboodle.

I'm votin' for Achenpalooza, too.

Poor, quiet masses who silently just read the kaboodle.

My job is excrutiatingly slow this afternoon.

sara - YOUR job... i'm DYIN' over here... every minute an eternity - every second seems like the unending period of ellipses...

hey, can i plug my blog?? www.mortiifera.com

is that shameless of me?

Maybe we're kidding ourselves by believing there are "masses" who quietly read the Kaboodle -- and that we are "entertaining" them.
It's all true, though.

i have a feeling there are precious few of us left at work yearning for some distraction from the tortorous boredom!

I just checked out your blog, mo. Den of Darkness, eh? That explains the black clothing. I was pleased to see the Taiwanese dinner-in-a-toilet-bowl story there.

awwwww thanks achenfan! yeah, i'm what you would call a grandma-goth...

I'm still busy. How about if I email some of my work to fellow Kaboodlers (that sounds really dumb, a real Ned Flanders kind of word).

Does anyone else feel the comments here are too frivolous (including most of mine)? After all, JA sets a high standard in his column, so shouldn't we be following his example? Suppose we had a rule that, say, one of ten comments has to be serious, and appoint Moi Moi as the arbiter of seriousness. Would that work?

Awaiting flames from a remarkably flame-free crowd....

As cautionary note: I start drinking Dewar's just after lunch and get a bit confused by 5:00 o'clock.

JAG - it's friday afternoon and some of us are still at work! FRIVALITY (sp?) RULES! keep it up and we'll cut you off! besides, JA abandoned us so we get to trash the place!

JAG my friend, the beauty of the Kaboodle is that it changes from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute even. The mood goes from serious to fun. I think we're all still recovering from RoveStorm 2005, so there will be pointless (well, every comment has value) comments for a while. I think the extreme use of "Kaboodler" today is what might be bugging you. After all, it is a made up word. But Joel made it up, so I guess that means it's acceptable.

And mo, what is a grandma-goth?

I think we just have to go with the flow, JAG. Yesterday was pretty intense. We need this frivolity to help us renew our energy.

a grandma-goth is what the kinder-goths call those of us that are over 30 and haven't grown up and are still doing the goth thing tho i have tuned it down since i work for the gubment

Okay. And I'm guessing kinder-goths are people my age? 20 somethings?

Am I pathetically out of touch with my generation's language or what?

Awsome blog, Mo. The Tiwanese toilet restaurant story was weird. I do remember eating ice cream out of a small hog trough at a strange ice cream theme restaurant in San Fernando Valley.

You're all too, too kind!

Mo, I checked out your web site. Is "pretty brunette" you? Wait! Don't tell me. I chose to believe it is you. Dang, you're hot!

I like horror movies and dark comedies, and for a long time my favorite word was "macabre," but I like to dress in bright colors. Do you think there's a place for me in the goth world? I'd probably stand out like a sore thumb in reds and lime greens. Maybe I could paint one toenail black.

kinder-goths are teens - early 20's so yes, sara, you would be a kinder-goth if you were indeed in the goth scene... and put that drink down! you aren't even legal yet!

JAG - sorry to bust your bubble, but sadly pretty brunette is not me... the photos are work that i've done from my portfolio... tho there is a pic of me in the blog... i'll let you find it...

and i'm outta hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee like fred flinstone the bell has rung, my work day is up and i'm sliding down the tail of the dinosaur to my car to prolly pick this up when i get home... *sigh* i'm an achenaddict...

I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ME, MO!

sorry jag - but i couldn't comfortably continue our kaboodle relationship with that lie between us... it would be the purple elephant (pink elephant) lounging in the middle of the room! i respect you far too much for that! now, it could very well be sara! LOL - sara, are you a brunette?

sorry jag - but i couldn't comfortably continue our kaboodle relationship with that lie between us... it would be the purple elephant (pink elephant) lounging in the middle of the room! i respect you far too much for that! now, it could very well be sara! LOL - sara, are you a brunette?

oops double post! BAD MO!

Yikes! Crushed twice.

If Kaboodlers was really Ned Flanders-ish, would it not be Kaboodidlyoodler?

I mean if we are going for serious and correct here.....

Joel this is the first time I stumbled onto one of your editorials, how insidious you are. The Oracle Porch Dweller warned us about extremist like you whose first proclivity towards the grandma- goths would be to excoriate normal goth behavior. Your demagoguery "In childhood I think we're fascinated by gory stories, tales of torture. My father had a picture book of the First World War, bodies piled on one another. It's porno. " How did you become so anti-goth? Your ramblings are so pivotal to the extreme goth haters and hatred for The Oracle Porch Dweller. Please try to read some magazines regarding speed metal bands, medival clothing, and black makeup, so as to be somewhat knowledgeable and be able to expostulate your beliefs with some facts instead of fallacious rantings....oh, crap, I dropped my thesarus.

Speaking of lies in the Kaboodle relationship, I need to get a couple of things off my chest:
I have behaved very unethically by posting under more than one handle here in the Kaboodle. It didn't seem like a problem before the kaboodle was the Kaboodle as such, because it was all so anonymous. I changed my handle to suit my mood and my message. It was all good fun. But now that we're a "virtual community," as Joel once said, and there is even talk of an Achenpalooza, I feel the time has come to 'fess up.
Let's just say I'm gonna need three of those "Hello!" tags at the dork-fest. If I'm still invited to the dork-fest.
Oh, and "Achenfan" is the handle I use when my jackass side wants to talk. That's why I'm being a wimp and making this confession at 6:00 on a Friday afternoon when the Kaboodle is likely to be empty. Although, if I'm the jackass, why are the other two (do you want to know who they are? do you care?) sitting back and letting me do all the talking?!
Maybe they'll help me out next week. And maybe they'll help me come up with a unifying handle -- apart from Cybil, that is.

This is good, Achenfan. Let it go. Let it all out. It's all part of the healing process. I'll share this with you (and the millions quietly still reading this blog): My evil alter-ego, Bovine Truth, just posted on this blog. I share your pain.

That's OK, Achenfan. I'm secretly Mo so I forgive you. (See, Mo, you shouldn't have messed with me!)

Well, the Dewer's is gone and so am I....

That would be "Dewar's". Funny, it looked like an "a".

I haven't noticed anyone suggesting "Achenstock" yet.

For the dorky set, "AchenCon"? Dreamer, I imagine you in velvet robes with a clear space helmet, and a crown perched on top of the helmet. Radiant, yet ready for anything else NASA can throw out there. Ok, maybe with bells on your Space Boots.

"I like my bc purely on the side, by the way."
Consider me blushing again, TA. Made me laugh, too.

When I'm motivated, I make my own Bleu Cheez (ahem) dressing. I prefer it over store bought items, but I don't make it often.

Sign me up for a "I Survived RoveStorm.." t-shirt, too.

Did I mention I'm having a nice cold Sierra Nevada right now?

A publisher friend of mine asked me to blog for one of his titles' sites, so I've started getting my feet wet in this stuff. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to plug it here, since it's very narrowly focused and not funny (yet).

But I appreciate what Joel's been doing a little more; it's a bit of a tightrope when you're blogging for somebody, and trying not to upset any of the advertisers...

bc

bovine truth (cowtown) the grandma-goth curtsies to you! you are now an honary goth member!

and JAG - payback a *ahem* witch and you never know - i could be one too!!! they DO have a tendency to run in the goth scene... be afraid, be VERYYYYY afraid! LOL

I have a confession to make. I've been double posting some of your posts just to entertain myself. I'm very, very sorry. Or at least I'm pretending to be. I will stop. Maybe.

Kaboodle Catharsis: All are Welcome!

And Mo, I'm very pleased to be a member of the goth people. But, I'm not wearing any black lipstick.

irregardless - you are the devil incarnate!

i like you!

s'ok cowtown - neither am i! *wink*

Hee hee. Sara thinks I'm dreamy!

Good Heavens! I've become an Achenaddict! I've been following the blog for two weeks solid, and finally decided to post. (for the second time today) TA made sure I wasn't too intimidated. Today has been so busy, funny, entertaining and informative I almost forgot I was at work. Of course I'm not now, east coast gets to drink before the west. Way to many high IQ's here. Got to keep that issue of Mensa handy. Keep the high brow humor coming. Oh, and the best porch I've hung out at, is the front porch of the Grand Hotel Mackinaw Island, MI. Cognac, a cigar and the sunset...

Damn it, damn it, damn it, why do I lurk here. I don't really have anything else to do, but I know I shouldn't be here... it can't be healthy.

Hey, Mo, I found your picture on your site. You're the one on the left in "bubbles 1" and you've been lying about your age! Dang, you're precocious!

JAG: Lurking is good. (I think) It's probably not healthy, but what can we do with us? We've got members with multiple personality disorder it seems, as well as addictive personalities. This is going to make work so much more fun! As for those with the multiple personalities, shouldn't the Rovestorm taught us all to be truthfull? (ish?)

joel,

i'm funny and i like kurt vonnegut a lot.

how can i get washington post to pay me to write a blog?

Haha! jw is funny. And dreamy. Oh my gosh, what a combination! And we've only have one e-disagreement (Rocky Road flavor of the week--I felt horrible) throughout our e-relationship.

And yes mo, I am a brunette. With blue eyes (not that it's relevant, I'm just helping jw's imagination.) But no JAG, I'm not the one on mo's blog. Though there are quite a few pictures of me lurking around the internet. Not THOSE kind of pictures. Just pictures. mo, which picture is you? (I won't tell JAG.)

MY favourite quote from 'timequake' is when he says man was put on Earth to 'Fart around.'...

I too had the privilege of meeting the Great man... Set the wayback machine to about 1982-3, I was in high school reading 'Cat's Cradle' for about the 20th time and went to see him speak at Colorado University. The title of the lecture was, 'How to Get a Job Like Mine'... Afterwards, there was alittle recption across campus...

Lost in my thoughts and wishing to do a little illicit smoking, I took the sceninc route across the darkened lawn. I percieved a figure about 50 meters ahead of me: Yup, the Man his own self, also taking the long way there (none-too-eager to get to the glad-handing,I imagine)... I couldn't believe my luck: There he was, in the flesh, shrouded in a cloud of slightly-less-fragrant cigarette smoke whioch was visible each time he passed under a street light... I could easily catch up with hom and talk to hm about anything, well, EVERYTHING!

What to say? How to introduce myself? I spent the next 15 minutes following him across campus until the rception hall was upon us... I rushed forward and-- held the door open for him...

"Thank you," he said.

Later, I waited in line with hundreds of other misfits ro shake his hand and say a couple of words. This time, I blurted out (I still blush a bit in recalling this): "Mr Vonnegut, what's the most important thing when writing a story?"

Oh the self-hatred and embarraddment which descended on me, which only fellow high-schoolers can truly understand...

But god bless him, the great man hesitated, loked me right in the eye and gave me a simple piece of advice that I never fail to think of and use in my writing to this very day:

"Always give your character an immediate goal, somethinghe wants. Even if it's as simple as a glass of water."

And with that, I shuffled on, and he turned to the next in line...

enjoy the width of topical pathways
always here at the achenblog.......
it is a friendly place true to that
"on the back porch" imagery so often
suggested..........................
............... for those who think
often or too much about the state of
affairs..a strong narative can be
found in k vonneguts words...........
mankind is on the one ride available
...this planet...the roughshod and
ruinous exploitation...so often for
a short gain...causes some to feel it
pointless...world ecological and social
exploitation surely risks very real
over the cliffedge endpoints.........
a single life at times seems to be of
little worth....so am thankful for
those who find a voice and words to
lend humor to the mayhem..and a smile
of hope here and there................

Something to report: I am en route to Oklahoma for two weeks, to a small town, visiting people with no internet connection. Achenaddict crisis! But we are resourceful here at the A-Blog. I told my employer that my job is too complex to explain to a temp and too essential for them to do without for two weeks. End result: they provided me with a laptop, a remote desktop setup and an 800 number for internet access. All I need is a phone line. (Here in the Ft. Lauderdale airport, I don't even need that--I'm using the free WiFi) They'll pay me for vacation, and then they'll pay me for any time I spend doing my job. I probably will not charge them for my Achenblog time. ("We have our standards. They're low, but we have them." Thank you, Kurosawaguy.)

sara - go to the feb archives and scroll down - don't tell JAG!!!!!

Late to this thread, but I need to get my three cents in:
1. My first date with my wife was seeing "Slaughterhouse Five."
2. My favorite Kurt V. line was the letter from his sister that started (as near as I can remember), "Here I am, shit all over everything." I think it was in one of his forwards. The sister had a new baby.
3. Girls sports teams live in flip flops, whether at the White House, Buckingham Palace, whatever. Geez. It's just clothes. Get over it. I have two twenty-something kids and my view is they will grow up starting now when they need to make their rent.

test

irregardless:
Ha! That's funny about the double-posting. I believe you, I really do, because I know what it's like when one's confessions aren't taken seriously. (And thank you for not double-posting any of MY posts -- I mean OUR posts.)
I wasn't kidding about the three personalities thing. I'll assume, since nobody seems too bothered by it -- not even veteran Kaboodlers kbertocci and bc -- that I haven't committed such an unforgivable breach of Kaboodle etiquette (Achenetiquette?) after all. No-one has seen fit to make an Achengate or Kaboodlegate out of it. What a relief! (I've been tormented by guilt for weeks.)
Except I still need to decide who to "go as" when Achenpalooza night rolls around.

bc: Yeah, I thought of Achenstock too, but I think that would be confused with those Achenstocks that are currently being snapped up by savvy investors.

Oh, and one more thing: I didn't mean to insult Joel when I said I use the Achenfan handle when my inner jackass wants to speak. It just kind of worked out that way. I use the handle for other things too. (I like to think that Achenfan makes SOME non-jackass comments.)

Oh, and bc and kbertocci? I didn't mean to insult you when I said "veteran" -- I'm not trying to imply you're old or anything. I'm not exactly a kinder-goth myself. I just seem to remember that you guys have been a part of this Kaboodle from day 1. (Even longer than jw and Sara, I think?)
When oh when will I be free of this self-castigation . . .

No offenses taken about any of it, Achenfan.

I understand the use of a "Mr. Hyde" alter ego, even if I don't use one on here myself.

Maintaining multiple identities is too much work for me.

bc

bc:
Velvet robes with a clear space helmet, and a crown, and space boots? You must tell me where I can purchase such an outfit!
And yes, it is indeed difficult maintaining multiple identities.

Your entry on Vonnegut restored my faith in reading blogs. It made my ISP charges worth the cost. Thanks so much. And as Camus reminds us, one must imagine Sysiphus happy.

Your entry on Vonnegut restored my faith in reading blogs. It made my ISP charges worth the cost. Thanks so much. And as Camus reminds us, one must imagine Sysiphus happy.

I'm fine with alter egos Achenfan, as long as you aren't jw . . . that might be a little too weird for me. And I think bc, kbertocci, you and jw have all been here longer than I have. I was a lurker for awhile, though. Then one day I decided I was cool enough and smart enough to join this little Kaboodle-group. And seeing as I was accepted, I guess I was.

Dreamer, you need to visit my online store for all your royal multi-dimensional EVA needs.

Sara, we're here now, that's all that matters.

Ah, when a discussion of Vonnegut starts, Camus is going to come up sooner or later, just like Sophmores follow Frosh.

bc

Achenfan, I was glad to see your confession about the alteregos. I have used pseudonyms many times on the blog when the comment I wanted to make didn't support the persona I wanted to project. I'm doing it less and less as time goes on.

And on a previous subject (the correlation or the lack thereof between travel and political viewpoints), here's a contribution from one of our faves, Mark Twain:

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely. Broad, wholesome, charitable views can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of earth."
--Mark Twain
Innocents Abroad, 1869

Ha ha, I forgot to put my name--is that Freudian or what?

The above comment with the Twain quote is from me.

Hi, kbertocci,

Good stuff from Twain. You in Oklahoma yet? I see you lonely, sitting in your hotel room, taking advantage of your employer's lagress.

JAG

That, of course, would be "largess". Where's the spelling Nazi when you need him?

Hi, JAG--

No hotel for me, I'm at the old homestead, where I grew up and where my parents still live. I tried to find that Twain quote on the internet on Friday, but failed. My mother has it taped to the closet door in her bedroom, so I was able to copy it today. The town is boring, but my mom and dad are interesting conversationalists.

Great!

Have a good two weeks. We'll try to keep the home fires burning, and hope to hear from you from time to time.

I'm going to take over the end of this post, so as not to clog up tomorrow's. A close friend of mine from back home whom I've known practically all my life just finished hiking the Appalachian Trail. He's been sending emails along the way, some short, some long, some serious and pongiant, some funny and irreverent. This is his last one. Is this kid good, or what? If you're wondering, he majored in physics (or math or chaos or something). He just got rejected from a bunch of graduate schools. Are they crazy? Can anyone hook this kid up with a job, because I think his parents are going to kill him if he doesn't get one. Anyway, I hope people take a minute to read this, because it made me all tingly.

__________

It's six thirty A.M. and I am awake. I can't remember when last I was home and I could say that I actually got up this early of my own free will. Yesterday when Dad woke up in Baxter State Park he was shocked to hear that I was already awake, talking to a red squirrel trying to eat our food. I'm never up before him. It never happens.

Maybe it does though. Now. Maybe?

So it's not over. Just like it didn't start on the top of Springer
Mnt. in Georgia. I knew it wouldn't end on Katahdin, not exactly, but I hadn't thought of this. I think it started when I got out of the car at Logan Airport, when it was freezing, too cold to be snowing. When I walked away from the folks in hiking gear, just walked. Being looked at strangely in Atlanta was part of it. Someone saying, "must be hikin' the AT," was part of it. I've still got the beard, maybe when I shave it that'll mark the end.

Probably not.

Four days ago I was hiking across Rainbow Ledges in the Hundred Mile Wilderness. It was late, I had had a long day, I was getting close to crashing for the night. The trail sign on the top said that it was twenty miles to the top of Katadhin. It wasn't right. The distance to Katahdin is measured in hundreds or thousands of miles. It is a constant goal, too far away to imagine. For a hiker twenty miles just isn't that far. It's a day, not even a day. I thought to myself, "I could just go, get there now. How many batteries do I have for my flashlight?" I didn't. Not yet. I took a shower from a water bottle and a stream. I ate rice and cheese and gorp. I slept. All the next day, I kept thinking that it was over then. Over already. The trail was backloaded, I could feel the weight of well over two thousand
miles behind me, and the puny substance of the fifteen, ten, five to go was nothing in comparison.

Time, however, is a strange measure of anything.

It seemed an eternity to get to the base of that mountain. Fifteen miles. It'd take three hours. But as I walked, it was still three hours, it was nothing to the length of the trail, nothing to all those miles behind me, stretching back into the woods, across ledges and fords, across range on range of hills. Time moved no faster though. And those three hours remained long.

When I got to Katahdin Stream Campground, it was over, but I still had one last hill to climb. I checked in the register and read all the entries of everyone whom I had hiked with, all the people that were, by that time, already finished. A bunch of people I'll probably never see again. I went back and slept. Dad and Aunt Laurie came back, we talked, we ate, we built a fire, we played guitar. The last hill loomed above us, obscured by the clouds. In the morning I got up and packed the pack again. No sleeping bag this time, no tent, no cooking kit.

Up we went, up the rockiest, hardest thing I'd seen yet. Up this
thing that they called Kette-Ahdin, "Greatest Mountain." People only call Katahdin, Katahdin. Springer Mnt. is Springer Mnt. Mt. Washington is Mt. Washington. Katahdin is just Katahdin.

They let me walk the last mile alone. Up to the lonely summit where no one was yet, too early for the rest of the world, we had left at five thirty. I got there. On the top stood a big wooden sign that marked the end of the trail. I'd seen it a hundred times, hundreds of times, in pictures, in books, in all things about the trail. The end.

But not.

I still had to climb down, there is no ending on the top of a mountain.

We went down.

I still had to go home, there is no ending on the road.

We got home.

And nothing is the same. And everything is the same. And it all looks different, and it all is different. And I don't know how long it'll last.

I'm not sure it'll ever be over.

And I'm not sure that it ever began. I'm not clear that all this
hadn't been going on for a long, long time; I'm not sure that this isn't just a longer stretch of hiking, and longer time between shaves, and showers, and a softer place to lay down.

We used to joke when we were on the trail. We'd wake up in the
morning and ask, "What do you feel like doing today?" "I don't know, you want to head north?" "Sure, why not?" And we would. And now there is no "North." There is no one direction in which you walk toward the same thing, the same un-summitable mountain that's always hundreds of miles away, until you finally get there.

But, if anyone's interested, if anyone wants to, this thing isn't over yet. Give me a few zero days for my knees to heal up a bit, let me grab a few meals, and then, yeah, I'll pack the pack again, I'll put in the cloths and the sleeping bag and the tent. We can go whichever direction you choose.

I really like this hikin' thing I guess.

jw, that is lovely, thanks for sharing.

I'll second that.

Thanks for that, jw, and please thank your friend for me.

"Time, however, is a strange measure of anything."

I REALLY like that.

bc

Sara:
Don't worry -- I'm not jw.

kbertocci:
That's funny, your mentioning that you too have used alter-egos, and that you did it less as time went by. I actually started out with more than three handles (in the beginning, it was pretty much a different handle each time I posted a comment, depending on the topic), but now I seem to have settled on the three.
Thanks for the Twain quote.

jw: Thanks for sharing that story -- truly beautiful.

bc: I (we) also really like that quote about time.

I love Vonnegut's writing as much as the next guy, but if Vonnegut's such a "lover of life," then why did he try to commit suicide? I still remember the quote, from Fates Worse than Death, something like "this wasn't a cry for help. I was tired. Too much coffee, too many cigarettes, too many jokes. I wanted out."

LP: MST3K is available via Netflix.

LP: MST3K is available via Netflix.

Yes that is correct. I liked your comment. I too belong to the same profile and this was of great help.

Brian Fitzpatrick
http://www.hotelsmackinawcitynitelife.com