Submerged in DC

It's like that here today. The sky looks more like a gray ocean than a sky.

I haven't slept upstairs in my room in several days because the AC doesn't work well enough upstairs. Too humid. I've been sleeping on my couch downstairs. I actually look forward to work in the mornings because it's a respite from the heat. Pathetic.

We should drain several thousand of these "over 10,000 lakes" in this state (I don't see how we have room to live in MN) and hopefully it will decrease the humidity.

And you will say "Rigth . . ."?

Same thing here in Iowa. Humid as all get out. I actually had a tee time this morning, and cancelled it. I'm the ultimate fair weather golfer.

A reader named "nooneinparticular" posted this last night:

"Back to the comment about the Mystery of the Czar of the Style Invitational. I suspect....
THE MYSTERIOUS CZAR WAS JOEL!!!!
Fess up! Double super-secret background cover time is over. Once you're retired from czardom, you can come out. What are you waiting for?
It wasn't Gene Weingarten. Weingarten was writing another column in the Post magazine during those years, plus he was busy writing a book.
But what was Joel writing then? It was during a time period between his old "Why Things Are" column and his current one.
Would the Post have cut him slack all those years and given him a long sabbatical? I think not. Yet, his family probably likes living indoors and three squares a day, so he needed to get paid. A motive!
What other suspects had the ability, the time, the motive?
I rest my case."

Dear Nooneinparticular: I am not and never have been the Czar. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to discuss the identity of the Czar or the Empress. As much as I'd love to take credit for the Invite, you should know that it started when I was still doing Why Things Are (and for a brief period a column called Washingtology) and that since then I did several hundred Rough Draft columns online for this website and a bunch of Style feature stories and took two book leaves to write books and so on, plus moonlighted for national geographic and whatnot. So I've been gainfully employed, or at least employed, semi-gainfully. The Czar is much funnier than I am, too.

Joel-

Might as well pitch Sydney the other Spring, Fall, and Winter as a package.

This way you only need to think up 49 more RD columns to get you to Mid-July next year.

Hey, don't knock summer in Washington.
It's fanfungustastic.

With that, time for lunch.

bc

I'm right there with you. I normally order well. My dad usually doesn't, so my childhood consisted of meals where my dad was constantly in everybody else's plate.

Fall is my favorite season. The weather is more consistently fair, and there is the attitude that we must make the most of each sunny day because we don't know how long it will be before we have another. Plus, I really enjoy Sunday snoozing on the sofa to Buffalo Bills games.

Pretend I edited that last comment's first sentence so that it made sense.

bc

My husband is a terrible orderer. He always ends up with little dried-up things on a plate. No matter where we are, what ethnicity, how familiar with the menu. Always little dried-up things.

Totally off topic: Does anyone think it's funny that the debate tomorrow between Virginia governor hopefuls Tim Kaine and Jerry Kilgore is in WEST VIRGINIA?

TA wrote: "Fall is my favorite season. The weather is more consistently fair, and there is the attitude that we must make the most of each sunny day because we don't know how long it will be before we have another. Plus, I really enjoy Sunday snoozing on the sofa to Buffalo Bills games."

Dear TA: I completely agree about football. I love all sports, except NASCAR, which I don't get, but football has the best childhood associations for me (being from Gator Country and all that), and I always liked going back to school in the fall, etc. But nothing beats the long days of summer -- now I'm contradicting myself, but whatever -- and the abundant opportunities for porch hanging, smoking stoges, etc...My brother is in town and I'm hoping he'll blog on the concept of "beer drinking weather."

Ah, and you will say "Right . . ."
Now that it's been made rigth, I feel like a rigth doofus for bringing it up.

It's a beautiful day here in Maine

Joel's brother is in town, Gene's brother is in town. Is something going on we need to know about?

I do tend to fall asleep at times watching other NFL teams. Does the third quarter even count, why play it? But I'm too busy throwing things at the tv when the Chiefs are blowing leads in the Fourth to fall asleep.

TBG:
They're all going to go to Costco together, to buy $12 pants, wigs, and ladies' cardigans. Except Gene won't need the wig.

I for one really enjoy DC summers. First off, they are hot - "who put the burning embers in my bones" hot. Second, they are humid, which contributes to the feeling of being soaked through with heat. You can cut the air/smog from the SUVs with a butter knife this time of year. Also, DC summers provide more than your usual banter on the various TV news programs and around the cubicles at work. In summer, the complaint is about the heat and in the winter, about the cold. All told, much hilarity ensues and without it we would have to talk about our feelings and such...

Think of what us guys would do if we got together on a summer afternoon to barbeque and had no weather to discuss? Would we be forced to talk about what Bob said to Julie at work? Would we have to discuss how Pablo felt about what Jake said to him at lunch 2 months ago? Oh the humanity...

Tom Fan - you are a rigthous dude!!

The summers here are good because they make you appreciate the 2 hours and 17 minutes of fall we get before the weather careens directly into the miserable, rainy, slushy winter.

Ah yes, golf in Iowa....

Luckily, there are a few shrubs on the courses and the occasional river. Otherwise, if you mishit a shot, it could end up in another state.

Farmland with flags and tee boxes...

I miss Tama.

Tom fan is righteous, but a dude? I pegged Tom fan for distaff. anyway i LIKE it when Tom fan catches typos. I depend on Tom fan.

And whoever complained about the weather in Iowa should know that he is not fooling anyone. Everyone knows that Iowa has no weather, and about 76% of the world isn't even sure it exists. I personally think that the caucuses are held in a giant soundstage somewhere in LA. And that whole "Iowa" thing is just a front.

Achenbach is right -- I ain't no dude.

Re: climate
I was once at a business/social function in Miami, chatting with a woman from Hong Kong. I asked her what the weather is like there, and she said, "It's a lot like Miami, but humid."

Re: seasons

I have always loved summer, and I never liked school until I went to college. Still, fall inevitably got my hopes up, every year: a new beginning! New possibilities! But just as inevitably I would soon be reminded WHY I love summer so much. I really love the climate in south Florida (can't be too hot or too humid) and every time someone whines to me "I miss the seasons" I just want to tell them, "They still have seasons up north--hurry on up there and enjoy!" The only thing I don't like about south Florida is that it is full of New Yorkers. But there are advantages to that too--it leads to improved bagel availability, and we do have boar's head deli meat at the supermarket.

Mea culpa - Tom Fan you are a rigthous distaff, doofi, dudette - whatever, I like your style!

I meant Boar's Head, it is kind of disgusting if it's not capitalized. And come to think of it, what a terrible brand name that is for something you want people to eat!

Why, thank you, Posted by: |

Wouldn't Joel as the Czar mean that Gene has slept with Joel's wife? (I believe Gene makes the claim - check Wikipedia).

And I second your thoughts about today, Joel. Was it ever this bad in Miami? I lived in Florida for a few years and think Washington summers are worse than Florida's. At least in Florida there's usually a breeze, there's ALWAYS the sun, and the beach is never far.

heavy Maine summers are like a drug that lulls you into a soft snooze for three months, then BAM winter hits and your buried under ten feet of snow and you're left wondering why the heck you moved to maine in the first place.

Maine summers also suck. Two words: BLACK FLIES.

I once went running, and a black fly followed me for FIVE MILES!

But hurricane season (June through November) really sucks.

Not that DC weather isn't an absolutely fascinating topic, but will someone please explain why Novak almost seems to be a secondary actor in Rovegate?

I understand this controversy well (I think anyway), but I'm baffled by the attention given to Cooper and Miller but not Novak. In keeping with the "beans" motif...has Novak spilled his already? Maybe I don't read enough blogs...

"Thomas Jefferson refused to live in Washington during July and August"

Where did he spend his summers then?? Charlottesville aint no better, current temp and humidity:

charlottesville 81 degrees, 77% humidity
washington, dc 82 degrees, 71% humidity

was dc still swampville back then?

I have this great image of a blurry jw (since I have no idea what anyone here looks like) running from a fly through Maine.

Novak was always second fiddle.

Wasn't EVANS and novak?

Bob needs his own Shemp.

Please insert an it ... a normal it, not a Clinton it.

Our black flies are specially-trained commando forces, trained to spot the tourists. They don't bother the locals.

DCer: All I can hear is "Weather...blah blah." No more Rove, please!

Black flies have to be experienced to be understood. Imagine something the size of a F-16, and about as fast, that wants nothing more than to sink it's fangs into you. And when it can't do that, it's content to "buzz the tower" TopGun-style and drive you absolutely crazy.

I wish Minnesota mosquitoes didn't bother the locals.

That's exactly what I was picturing you (as a blurry blob) running from. My imagination is wonderfully accurate.

Minnesota obviously doesn't have a high enough concentration of tourists to keep the bugs happy. I would write a letter to your bureau of tourism.

But I've got local blood in me!

[By the way, I just got beamed into the Achenverse again. There is a link at the bottom saying "Add me to your TypePad People list." I'm clicking on it...]

[It needs a password...hmmm. Achenbach, porch doesn't work.]

[There is also an "email me" link. hal.straus@wpni.com. I am so tempted...oh, what the hell.]

You need to have actually lived here for a few years before it begins to take effect. Y'know, it takes awhile to get the "away" stink outta ya.

Maybe we don't have enough tourists...good thinking, LP. Anyone want to come visit Minnesota? We have some really great lakes!

Next blog item:
Sara, jw, and LP get fired; Achenbach implicated in blogging scandal

My boss has been out of town all week. It's the end of the weerk (that's "typo" for "work week"), I'm completely out of work to do...I've even finished the filing. And reorganized the library. And dusted my desk.

if i get fired because of this blog, i'm gonna go crash on achenbach's porch.

LP,
I grew-up on the Maine coast (Rockport) and moved to the DC area after college. I long for a Maine summer (all two glorious weeks of it)... bring on the black flies.

The very thought of Tim Sample's "Black Fly Festival" story still cracks me up!

Enjoy the beautiful day!

I'm writing a report to Congress that was due at 1. So I'm not really too busy.

Yes, there is nothing quite like it, ME native. And being "from away" makes me appreciate it even more.

Sara: Our entire sales office has been mobilized for a three-hour collating project this afternoon--the result of a failure of the printing company to meet our mailing deadline. Too bad you can't come over and help. (my desk could use dusting, too...)

Sigh...

I guess posting my question on this particular blog topic was a mistake, since the TSA15 are suffering from a nasty bout ABOS (all blogged-out syndrome).

Summer and football...

Hmm. Two-a-days in full pads in the sweltering humid Washington DC summer.

No thanks.

Re. Maine, in my experience the black flies are annoying, but the mosquitos were astonishing.

"Hey, it's foggy here today - wait, that's not fog! Everybody back inside! Aiiiieeeee!"

bc

DCer-in-exile:
Not blogged out, just ROVE-ed out.

kbertocci, even if I could come and help, I don't know that I'd want to. I've had it up to here with engineers missing deadlines and creating havoc for me this week. Today is a nice respite. A calm in the middle of a storm. No engineers breathing down my neck trying to get me to salvage their botched deadline debacle. I'm going to enjoy this day.

And I actually enjoy dusting sometimes...is that weird?

My mentor died at early in a July in 1999. I fulfilled the first of two promises about her upcoming death -- that I would attend her funeral.

I flew in from out of town after work, navigating the next morning from a hotel near the airport to St. Matthew's Cathedral on public transportation. I stepped into the cool of the red stone building early enough that about the only people there were the widower and his closest friends.

To borrow a Dave Barry phrase, it was already so hot that some of the statues outside already had armpit stains.

After the Mass, we walked to the reception after. It was a steamy hot that could only happen in DC. At the restaurant hosting the reception, the AC was cranked up on high. It was an oasis.

Sitting down after circulating, I looked at a couple of people who were there and said, "I heard it was supposed to snow." The two popped up to run to get TP, bread and milk before the city shut down.

At the door, the two were blasted backwards by the heat and humidity.

I raised my glass and looked up with a smile. I had fulfilled my last promise to my mentor -- a promise she knew would help me to have closure in my own way.

On some hot and steamy mornings in Chicago, I take a moment and stop at St. Peter's. I leave with a wistful smile and a small tear that can't seem to evaporate in the humidity. That's my excuse, anyway.

Hey folks, kwitcherbitchin. This is a lovely place to live in many many ways. Think of the cherry blossoms, screen on the green, fall colors in Rock Creek Park, fireworks on the mall on the fourth, the breeze on the Potomac downwind of Blue Plains, oops, scratch that last one. People here like to complain about the heat, but really. New Orleans is worse. Houston is waay worse. I have seen three straight weeks over 100 in north Texas and Oklahoma many times. I drove through Yuma Aridzona once and it was 98 at midnight! And no whining about "it's a dry heat" either or any of that "humiture" crap Bob Ryan flings about. One hundred and eight is hot, eighty eight is not. God, I started out to be all upbeat and bright sidey and somehow I've slipped into full geezer mode... now where'd my store teeth get to this time?

Speaking of "Screen on the Green," they're showing The Big Sleep. I could be wrong, but doesn't incest and some relatively taboo hanky-panky factor pretty largely in the plot? Does the religious right know about this?

Woohoo! Screen on the Green starts next week!

I love going out to the Mall with a few hundred (dare I say a thousand) other DC-ites for dinner and a movie...

Not to gloat (which means for certain that I am about to gloat), but you should solicit some of the Achenbrother's input on summer here in the Denver/Boulder area.

Dry. Dry. Dry. We once had a day with 25% humidity and it felt like I was going to melt. Granted, your skin turns to leather after about age 30, but the occasional melanoma is a small price to pay for summer comfort. Did I mention 60 degrees and dry at night?

Well, you say. DC has culture and restaurants and a wonderful big-city, multi-cultural feel. And the first place Nationals. Denver is nothing but Des Moines + the Rocky Mountains.

Very well, I say. How many of you are willing today to trade dinner at Chili's for some dry summer comfort? And 65 degrees and sunny in January (but don't tell anyone. Most people think that it just snows all winter here).

/end gloat

There should be a cool acronym for second-tier, fly-by-the-night Achenbloggers like myself. Rule is you have to post at least once every two weeks. How about FBN (number)?

We don't want to be comfortable. That's why we live here. The constant kvetching about the summers is one of the areas oldest traditions.

Even in winter, standing in 3 feet of snow, commentary will be made, "Bad winter. Probably going to be a hell of a summer."

I am sooo way-off-topic today, aren't I?! I should just have a conversation with myself...

Here in Seattle, it's a beautiful, sunny blue-sky day. It's going to top out at 80 degrees, and about 60% humidity. As one who spent several years in DC, and several years before that in 110-degree Fresno, I can't tell you how nice it is (and no black flies, or skeeters or anything.)

On the other hand, summer started on Monday, and probably will last until Aug. 30.

Dave R, nice posting. This part was especially brilliant: Sitting down after circulating, I looked at a couple of people who were there and said, "I heard it was supposed to snow." The two popped up to run to get TP, bread and milk before the city shut down.

So what, specifically was the second promise to your mentor? I'm a little slow...

What is "distaff?" I have never heard this word. I assume you're trying to say female, but what is distaff referring to specifically?

Joel: If you are going to add to the blog, why not just make a new post? I thought I was crazy until I found a long-forgotten window open from earlier today with your original no-mention-of-brother-Keven post.

C'mon, give us a thrill ("There's a new post!") or are you just trying to bump up the number of comments? If that's the case, we're wise to you. Not that it matters.

Aaah, the Big Sleep. Plot makes no sense whatsoever, but Bogey and Bacall play a mean game of mixed doubles entendre discussing horse racing, and there is the classic scene in the bookshop. Mousy bookseller checks out Bogey and she likes what she sees. The glasses come off, the hair comes out of the bun, and she's a babe! Who'd a thunk it?

Another note: My spouse, who was with me in the hotdog steamer that is DC, and the dry roaster that is Fresno, is now complaining about how hot it is. She's become like the locals, who have about a 15-degree (60-75) comfort band for temperature. Damp is just fine with them, though.

Sara,
I got to clean my desk off today, too! I was very satisfying, although my dusting consisted of running my hand over the desk and brushing the month-old crumbs into my hand. I also found two pens, which is exciting because I've had to subsist on my pencil for who knows how long. This is a problem if your boss really likes to write numbers down on his hand to take back to his office.

i am still working on this stupid community potluck poster. I went back to the old illustartor's rule of thumb, "when in doubt, give food a face"

AW,
Chili's? You might as well have said Applebee's.

I never heard "distaff" used that way, either--thanks, Joel for widening our horizons once again.

Here's the definition:

distaff: A staff that holds on its cleft end the unspun flax wool or tow from which thread is drawn in spinning by hand [i.e., it's a part of a spinning wheel, but not the wheel part]
2. A woman's work and concerns.

3. Woman, or women in general.

Distaff side: The female line or maternal branch of a family. Compare "spear side"

well, better the original big sleep than the remake. i think my all time screen on the green favorite has to be "the thin man" last year. quality flick, that.

Sara: Enjoying dusting is not a bad thing. In certain moods, I enjoy collating. But I'm not in the mood today.

In Memphis, it's always either really hot or really cold, punctuated by monsoons, during which the television stations broadcast "weather updates" so often they have to repeat prime time in the wee hours. You have to really be on your toes to catch that one spring day or one fall day that pop up every few years. And the mere suggestion of snow sends loaves of bread flying off the shelves of supermarkets everywhere.

I'm only here for the blues and bbq.

Have to add to what kurosawaguy said about Oklahoma summers. In Tulsa, we've already gone over EPA Ozone standards twice this summer and we're only half way through July! But to try and describe a typical Oklahoma summer, just think 100+ degrees, with 100% humidity, and it isn't raining (which I guess technically makes it 99.99999...% humidity). On the plus side, we do get some AWESOME thunderstorms, and contrary to popular belief, tornados aren't AS common as many believe. We've actually just recorded the longest "tornado drought" on record for Oklahoma, we went almost a year without one.

What is this Screen on the Green thing? It sounds fun. This is why I shouldn't live in small town Minnesota. I'm not meant for small town Minnesota. I'm meant for turkey sandwiches, big cities and whatever this Screen on the Green thing is.

TA: Congrats on finding the pens! I know how excited I get when I find something that I've been missing. I've taken to keeping around 50 pens in various drawers and in a coffee mug on my desk because I had a really hard time holding on to/keeping track of my pens. Now I'm always knocking that cup over, though.

LP: When all else fails, dancing hamburgers are always people pleasers.

Sara-
Maybe it would be fun to make the potluck poster look like Soviet propaganda.

Or give it a fun current events feel:
- Make it look like BORF graffiti.
- Promise that no cats were harmed in the making of the poltluck dishes, and further state that experienced food tasters will be at the potluck to assure that no one tries to sneak any in (note: this is a wonderful opportuninty for an office team building session to play a "guess who knows what cat tastes like" game).
- Call the table with all the junk food the "Saddam Hussein" section.
- Set up a blog to advertise the potluck, and make sure that Google links to your "Karl Rove Potluck" item. Don't forget to leave a plastic bucket in the room, hand lettered in black Sharpie for "Contributions to the Karl Rove Legal Defense Fund"
- Mention that the potulck will feature "Best Friggin' Turkey Sammiches in TOWN!"
- Advertise that you will have a dehumidifier in the meeting room where the potluck will be held.

bc

very good sara, as a matter of fact there IS a dancing hamburger.

I feel like such a sell out.

We also have a screen-on-the-green type thing, in the middle of town. Last week they showed "Tron"

Sara, Screen on the Green is a giant movie screen on the Mall here in DC. They show movies from Mid-July through Mid-August on Monday nights. Thousands of people show up to watch really old (and therefore zero royalty) classic movies.

BB - If you took away all the weather statements, local news in DC would be 5 mintues long...

very tempting suggestions, bc. That'll teach 'em to ask me to participate in anything "communal" again. Actually, I've already thrown my markers down and declared that I cannot work under these conditions. I demanded to be compensated for my blood and sweat. My boss just reminded me that she bought us pizza for lunch.

I get no respect....

Crap, that message was meant for T'LP, not Sara.

I wish that comment edit feature was working.

bc

Dancing hamburgers aren't "sell out" material. For some reason, people like dancing hamburgers. They've liked them since the 1950s I think. It screams "fun" and makes people want to go to wherever the dancing hamburger will be. I am strangely drawn to the image of dancing hamburgers--a dancing hamburger looks carefree, and that's what I would like to be. This is why I suggested it.

I can pass the message on to him for you though, bc.

I second (and third) all those who say that it's not DC summers aren't really that hot (although the humidity can melt your soul). If you want to feel burning embers in your bones, stop in central California for gas one summer afternoon. I'm sure proxl can attest to that...

dcer in exile: get with the program...

dc weather: i grew up in tornadoland but never had so much fun with weather as I did when I lived in Dupont. The last January I lived there, sick with a cold and bronchitis, and the BLIZZARD hit--you remember the one I mean?? The one with 20" of snow to slog through to the Soviet Safeway, which I didn't have to do because some friends had stocked me up?! Anyhow, I'm sitting there Sunday morning watching those huge flakes and laughing about how everybody who works for the gummint will be off for a week, when my doorbell rings--and it's my wood guy going, "we've got your firewood." What a riot--I rushed to open the door saying, "I can't believe you guys came all the way in from bum-f@$#k Virginia to bring my wood" and the kid said, "well, the snow was only up to the bottom of the truck and we knew folks would like to light a fire with the snow and all...." Ah, Jesse, we hardly knew ya--oh, my wood guy's name was Jesse...

And Denver--don't give me that crap about
your beautiful weather--your second heaviest snow month is April, for good's sake, when DC is absolutely glorious with
cherry blossoms and azaleas....My clients' roof in Golden collapsed last winter from the weight of the snow...so don't even go there....

Oh shoot, the phone's ringing...

Dancing hamburgers.....

well, it ain't exactly MOMA, but whatever. Personally, i find food with a face a little disturbing. My opinion seems to count very little round here, though

Re the dancing hamburgers: I read somewhere that you can tell how good the BBQ is at a BBQ restaurant by how personified the pig on the sign. If he's wearing a hat, pretty good. But if he's wearing pants, an apron, a neckerchief and holding a spatula, too--well then, you can expect some darn good BBQ!

I just love the Soviet Safeway...

As for Denver, 65 degrees year round sounds like a descent into hell! Kind of like San Diego. I love the heat of DC in the summer and insanity that is winter around here (75 degrees one day - 10 degrees the next). I like seasons, which is why I don't live in Miami!

I went to a churrasco place down in Brazil called the Porcao (The Pig) and he (the pig on the sign) was very personified. And the food was to die for. I think TBG is right.

LP, you could have a faceless dancing hamburger. It might dance into some walls, though.

too late.

i like dancing food. it seems to be saying, "it's ok if you eat me. in fact, i'm pretty darn happy about it.'

slow dancing food, on the other hand, gives me the creeps. they really should leave room for the holy ghost.

Sweetiefur: Yup, gassing up in Fresno was an experience: The gas would evaporate as soon as it hit the dry, super-heated air and aim for your lungs. I could do a Gene Simmons if I didn't worry about blowing up the entire station....

On the other hand, it did drop down to 80s at night there, which it doesn't do in Swampville... Our equivalent of Screen on the Green in Fresno was the drive-in (they still have one) on lawn chairs in the bed of a pickup truck. (you could hide the keg in the cab)

have a good weekend, all, i'm going to try not to have nightmares about dancing hamburgers tonight.....

Yeah, we called it the Soviet Safeway because the shelves were always empty and the lines were always long....

Never saw any dancing burgers, though....
They were probably over at the Social Safeway in G'town...

LP--

Don't hold back--have a Star Trek theme!

Ok, I just laughed out loud at the dancing food chain.

What's with the Safeway names? I've never actually LIVED in the District, and to be honest it kind of scares me. I like to stay over here in Viginny.

what about a "charlie and the chocolate factory" themed poster??

Best Beer Drinking Weather:

You are sitting on a porch in the southwest or Rockies after a long hike. The afternoon thunder shower just passed by and there is that smell, the after rain herbal scent. It's close to sunset, the thunder is rumbling in the distance and the sun has shone through. It's so calm around you that you can hear rabbit feet. At most it's 75 degrees, but 1 hour earlier it was 85 or 95. You've just put the Carne Asada on the grill and the chips and guacamole are on the table. You get to choose between Fat Tire and Magic Hat #9. Beer glasses optional.

That is good beer drinking weather.

I laughed out loud at the Star Trek reference when I thought about it in combination with dancing hamburgers.

I don't know...I just know that the one in
Dupont was incredibly crowded and empty at the same time--but it was people and food, respectively.

And in G'Town I heard that singles used to hang out there on Sat nites hoping for a hookup...

DC is an awesome place to live.....Virginia might as well be the moon, for all I knew. I was a real Dupont snob I think, because I really got lost anyplace north of U Street... When I come back to visit and have a rental car, I'm totally confused!!

I live in Pennsylvania and we still have several drive-ins. I think they are the best. You can see two newly released movies for $5. I don't think you can get that anywhere else.

is the guacamole smooth or chunky??

We have $1 theaters here. It takes about 3 weeks for the movies to get there, but I'll wait 3 weeks if it'll only cost me $1. Or $0.50 on Tuesdays. It's a really great date if you're cheap.

ok, like in amish country, do people drive their horses and buggys to the drive-in??

can we all just agree that beer makes any kind of weather more tolerable? in the summer, a tall frosty makes you feel like an extra in March of the Penguins. And in winter, it makes your tummy warm. Like bacos, beer makes everything better.

Except feral cats.

here's the partial list of the top of my head:

soviet safeway - 17th st and corcoran?
social safeway - wisconsin ave north g-town
secret safeway - 19th st and S st?
unsafeway - columbia and 18th
spy safeway - mclean, va
ghetto giant - 9th and o st.
the "new" giant - rhode island ave
the "really new" giant - next to the tivoli

I don't live near amish country. Although I do go to school near central PA where they actually have buggy parking only signs at stores.

If you don't mind going to the moon, there's a drive-in near Winchester, only about an hour out Route 66 from Fairfax. It's a fun Sat. night adventure. They even have two screens, which is weird: you choose which way to face your car (well.. there are two lots each facing opposite directions, but you decide once you get there).

If you don't feel like driving back to town, there are plenty of cheap, nice motels all along I-81 out there. The kids love the whole package.

Well, i believe that the weather in there by summer can be extremely wet whit high temperatures, but if you had 40º Celsius as we have in some parts of my country you would get "roasted". Or try yhe beautiful Azores islands where the sky allways theams to have a grey helmet that suffocates you (it feels like you´re high-but not on Pot).

and by of, of course, i mean off

i hate those damn feral cats. how many house/cats should an old lady be allowed to have, anyway? you'd think the combination of the open-carry gun laws and lack of cat legislation in virginia would work out nicely. you'd be wrong.

The drive-in that is about 10 minutes away from my house just put in a second screen. I haven't had the opportunity to experience it yet.

ha, i just posted something as "grocery stores". when is the edit feature coming online, joel? we don't want it, we NEED it.

The promise I made was to poke fun at DC weather and DC folk's tendency to panic at two snowflakes falling in the same day. Saying the line in DC heat was an added bonus.

We had a blowing blizzard with -40 wind chill in Chicago that closed our office early, much to the delight of the put-upon DC office that seemed to close early on a frequent basis.

I shovelled out the car the next day and took an "American Gothic" picture showing the snowbank over my head.

"THAT's snow that closes and office -- not like you folks that can't handle it at all," she said as she passed the picture to the worst offenders/biggest wimps in DC.

Admittedly, my mentor had lived in Moscow for awhile -- she had the gear to handle just about anything.

being from winchester, i suppose i should defend it from you urbanites...

suffice it to say that in addition to a drive-in theater, we also have an apple blossom festival every spring where people dress up in neon pink and green plaid clothes and drink heavily. needless to say, it's a good time all around.

Omigosh! The Achenverse just attacked me! I got this message:

"Access to the weblog you have requested has been suspended."

Maybe I should get back to work. *sheepish grin*

Oh, I love Winchester. Pretty there.

Why neon pink and green plaid? I think that might make Winchester less pretty.

you forgot the formerly 'unsafe safeway' at 14th street.

I was just reading and re-reading the irregardless comment and thinking that the beer is totally superfluous in that situation. I would love to be there. But then, I wouldn't be HERE! (I walked to the beach on my lunch break--it is gorgeous out today) That is the problem, so many great places and you can only be in one. When I win the lottery I'll have a cabin in the mountains and a condo in Georgetown and a cottage in Key West. I know my odds: 0%, since I don't buy lottery tickets.

#9 is not Magic Hat's best work. Personally, I like Fat Angel. Although you gotta love Mother Lager's label.

I haven't been able to find any Magic Hat products here in VA, and I miss them so. I once played in an ultimate frisbee tournament sponsored by them up in VT, and they provided LOTS of free kegs. Well worth the drive from Boston.

Edward: My description of Winchester as being on the moon was in response to jayhawk, the self-described "Dupont snob" who said that "Virginia might as well be the moon, for all I knew." You don't have to defend Winchester. I used to twirl baton in the Apple Blossom Parade!

14th and what? it's slipping my mind...

TBG: you rock.
jayhawk: at least those mooninites have representation in congress, eh? just like i used to before i moved here...

sara: pink and green for apple blossoms (which are pink) on top of apple leaves (which are green)

jw: several places in dc and md sell #9. i believe you can get it also at total beverages in the commonwealth. bars in dc that serve it include st ex and rfd.

14th and Kentucky NE (I think). We tried to update the name by calling it the Relatively Safe but Somewhat Grotty Safeway but it doesn't have the same ring as the Unsafe Safeway.

edward, those are still some extreme versions of those colors. Very Barbie-esque. But fun, still. I'm intrigued by the Apple Blossom Festival. At least it seems more refreshing than the Spam Jam.

Yeah, but #9 is too fruity for me...I've always kind of thought of it as Magic Hat's sell-out beer. Like Weezer's Green Album. I miss being able to pick up the Magic Hat variety 12-pack, that had a little bit of everything plus a secret surprise beer.

cap girl - i always write that word "grody" rather than "grotty". i wonder what word it actually is taken from?

edward - i had assumed grotesque but how would i know? i'm just a small town girl tryin' to make it in the big city.

ah yes, the spam jam....how about that for the poster?? it would be easy to make a face on the spam shape?!

So you drove to work but then walked all the way up to the Rhode Island Ave. Caribou Coffee to blog? Was this just so you could test the air quality or don't the post employees support any decent coffee outlets closer to your office?

Representation? What's that?? i'm feeling very blue in a red state these days...

Hey, has anyone noticed that Joel's not around any longer--oh, what am I thinking...Friday afternoon in DC--let's face it, noone on salary is around anymore. They're probably all over at the achenporch trying on "magic hats"...

This blog is going crazy today! I can hardly keep up.

Edward:
You forgot Ghetto Safeway in Capitol Hill.

Correction: Cap Girl mentioned Cap Hill Safeway. At 14th and Kentucky SE.

Oh, I'm here. Trying to write a column. Failing.

How's that NASCAR column coming, Joel?

bc

Wait there is a Caribou Coffee on the corner of 17th and L Sts, why would someone walk from the Post (15th and Lish) to the Caribou Coffee at the intersection of Rhode Island & 14th when the other is much closer...

For the beer drinkers, Lancaster Brewing Company - Milk Stout! Do yourselves a favor and get some today!

Joel: Of course you're failing if you're reading all 135+ comments here. Boy, imagine if you had actually started a "chat" on something "important" enough to make it to the national/international front page. None of us is getting any work done around here. Is it time to go home yet?

i imagine joel doesn't like being surprised by fellow members of the fourth estate; hence his desire to go to a farther one.

that or he's not really going to the caribou coffeeat all, he's actually making a run to the barrel house...

Dear Kevin,

Joel's porch sounds like a nice place to visit, but you might start missing Boulder.

All towns should have model bike paths everywhere like Boulder.... no road built without one. Very intellectual, Nobel prize winner, MacArthur genius, etc. hang out there, as well as sporty types, hippies, everyone fits in. Swell. I like it.

Hope you don't mind this town for a few days... there are a few more people wearing ties.

Jayhawk: When I was in DC for 5 years, I kept my voter registration as Oklahoma so that I could at half-way feel like someone represented me. Considering my district in Oklahoma was represented by Steve "I played football" Largent, and now John Sullivan, emphasis is on the HALF of being represented. At least I still had someone to send a letter to.

Luckily I have better representation on the state level, I live in one of two islands in the state where my state rep. and senator both voted against placing gay marriage on the ballot, they also support gay couples being able to adopt.

colorado rocks. going hiking there this weekend. there is no other place like it in the US.

Joel's Porch sounds like one of those home improvement shows. Do we know if Joel has significant handyperson skills? Did he build his own porch? Is it a wrap around porch or more modest structure that just occupies one side of the house?

Stef: I write a lot at Java House because it has a good wireless connection, and I can file a column or blog directly from the counter, and sometimes I write at the Caribou at 14th and RI mainly because there's easy parking around there. But I've also probably written in every Starbucks in town. I usually can't get any work done in the office for reasons I can't quite fathom.

there is no other place like it in the US.
------------------------------

True, as long as you don't mind a little "Focus on the Family" and "Promiskeepers" with your Rocky Mountain scenery.

Stay north of Co. Springs. I may be a little right of center, but Colorado Springs scares me. It's the reddest of red. (What's more red than red? Scarlet? Vermillion?)

Now that you mention it, twinsmom, I think Tim Allen would be a good person to play Joel in "Achenblog: The Movie."

AW: Indeed colorado can be a little right-wing sometimes but it makes up for it in hippies.

sorry...just read this whole thing and i have comments:

I left DC for phoenix - don't even talk about hot summers, thought the weirdest was when i was driving home in a rain storm and on the radio they were saying the humidty was 54%. how is that even possible?

i lived in dupont for 2 months before my wife moved up from nc. i was used to the soviet safeway and the lines. we stopped there one evening after work to pick up some groceries. she got in line after the first 3 people (that space that is created to allow people to move between the registers and the food aisles)
i said, you can't get in line there, she said "why not?"... i just turned and pointed down aisle 3.... and the line of people that ran all the way to the back of the store...

that's why it is the soviet safeway

Hello - I've been lurking reading this blog and ALL the comments the last few days, because I love Joel's column (and yes, it is disturbingly hard to find since I'm not in DC, but some of us have learned the subtle art of bookmarking). If y'all are getting as tired as I am of sandwiches and weather, go see this site:

http://derenegade.blogspot.com/2005/07/laura-and-jenna-do-kigali.html

Maybe everyone else in the world has heard of Tigerlily and her captions, but I just saw them today for the first time.

Sue

Sorry - her name's Watertiger, not Tigerlily.

So sue me!

I can't say that I've read the 149 preceding comments, so maybe someone has already brought this up. (In fact, I HOPE TO GOD ABOVE that someone has.) But as a Colorado resident, I have trouble with the notion that any Coloradan could enjoy a porch experience in the general D.C. area, if indeed the area's air is as gooey as Joel indicates.

That is all. Thank you for reading comment number 150.

(Joel: If you ever make it out to Colorado to visit your brother, stop on by thelooneys.com world headquarters for a real porch experience.)

This blog is Seinfeldian. It's about nothing.

That being said,

(1) Joel could still be the Czar emeritus on deep cover even though he's a desk jockey now (perhaps his employer requires him to lie about it?). If not, give us clues about who it might be!

(2) I can't believe an article about Costco made the Post's Top Twenty E-mailed Articles list. You pay them to shop there? no express lane? Long lines, bad parking, drive 20 minutes to get there when a Giant down the street has similar prices and doesn't require my home to become a warehouse? Store things in a store, not a house.

(3) Boulder, Colorado, is so lovely, it's hard to imagine anyone leaving even for such a fine porch as Joel's. No road is built without a bike trail. Mountains, stimulating intellectual university atmosphere (Nobel Prize winner! MacArthur Genuis!). When do all the blog readers get to go there?

Enough....

Why can't I post a comment on the new entry?

Can anyone else not comment on the two new blogs for today? I get error messages...

And I can't see my last post asking if anyone else is having a hard time posting . . . what is going on?!

Woah. I've been taken to that Achenverse . . . maybe this post will show up then . . .

Anyone want to pursue a career as a meteorologist?

http://www.ocouha.com/cur/ooh020601.htm

test

comments #151-155 are invisible!

you forgot the Underground Safeway in Rosslyn and the College Safeway at the Watergate...