Oscar Night: Bring on the Catty Comments

Well... I won't be batting any eyelashes at Billy Bush on the red carpet... for obvious reasons. Yuk.

Wait, Heath Ledger and Michele Williams are now MARRIED?? With a baby??? But I thought he was, you know...oh wait, that was ACTING. Right. Got it.

I am rooting for Brokeback to win Best Picture, for the record. Secondly, I am rooting for myself to stay awake to the end. I usually fall asleep during the award for Best Set Catering.

Is "bat they eyelashes" a typo? (Or am I already out of touch with American conversational style?)

[My catty comments this Oscar night will be limited to matters of spelling and grammar.]

I hate the way Ryan Seacrest always refers to himself as just "Seacrest" as though he's a horse or a brand name or something. [See, I can play the catty game!!]

snore

Copy editing from Hong Kong: Talk about a small world. Thanks T-fan.

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock? Together? What are these people thinking?

(you know... she's from Arlington. Went to W-L High School with my cousin)

Me, I'm rooting for Capote for Best Picture and Philip Seymour Hoffman for Best Actor. (I heart him.) (My husband thinks he's gay, just because of that role he played in "Boogie Nights.") (My husband pretty much thinks everyone is gay.)

Perhaps I'd be rooting for Brokeback if I'd actually seen it, but for some reason I never got around to it (maybe because, as someone who may have been a man in a past life, I wasn't sufficiently comfortable with my masculinity.)

Married? Ledger/Williams are parents (Oct. 28, baby Matilda), but not in the married way...best I know.

My husband has neither insisted that we turn this off or gone to bed yet. Maybe 23 years is the magic number.

Maybe having a 12-year-old girl in the house makes a difference too. She has set the Tivo for all the red carpet stuff and the actual "ceremony."

LindaLoo, we all know that Joel is very old fashioned. He wants his girls to hear the word "married" when babies are discussed.

Siren, if you're not a)at Brokeback sighing in relief, b)at Errors checking out the plain but clean wineglasses - go back to Gay Cowboys. \
Am posting a nice excerpt from Hub McCann's "What every boy needs to know about becoming a man" speech.
Just for you and Nabokov. But it's not a private party if anyone else wants to come.
RD thanks for the illuminating update.
Mama

Instant catty-gal assessment of P.S. Hoffman: Creepy. Consternation at possibility that actress from Crash is wearing the SAME DRESS as Michele Williams.
Verbatim chick-assessment of Felicity Huffman: "Look at the boob stretch! The lines are pulling down the breasts!"

OK, so if the catty gals think P.S. Hoff is creepy, and I heart him, then maybe I'm not a Real Woman? (Where's my friend Sirin when I need her . . .)

On Sandra Bullock: "She's hanging out in motorcycle shops, inhaling fumes. She's not looking good."
"Updos are hip. Nicole's not looking hip. She doesn't have an updo." [Like Reese Witherspoon! "She has an updo, she has some beads, some glamour."]
George Clooney: "He's just too handsome."

Haven't seen so much creative use of duct tape since we remodelled the bathroom.

Same thing in regards to silicon.

If you are going to insist on typing all during this broadcast may I suggest you go watch in the den.

Is Jennifer Aniston there alone? Wow.

And someone please tell Billy Bush how to tell which camera is on. I guess idiocy really does run in the family.

I wouldn't last one second on the Red Carpet -- I've never even considered the possibility of boob stretch. I've probably been walking around in public with stretched boobs for years, totally oblivious.

[Is it really OK to say "boob" on the A-blog? Or should we say B-double-honey-drops-B?]

"I think she had the botox. She looks very tight." [Name of actress elided for legal reasons.]

On P.S. Hoffman: "He's got a beer belly!"

Snore

b double honey drops b? on a hot blog like this?

Thats hot dog BB. Dog

Of course he's got a beer belly -- like many of us, he has a Small Weight Problem. But he's a Really Nice Person.

speak fo yoself Loretta, you got way to much competition tonight. Take some Wild Turkey and go on down to the laundromat and see, if it ain't too late to get a seat that is.

definitely snore

That's right mama it's a real sleeper.

I see some of my spells and incantations worked quite well. Wonder how they'll hold up after midnight?

Sorry, make that wonder how they'll hold up the b double honey drops bs after midnight

Shake a leg woman

we're at a very revealin moment and no one is talkin, just droolin or pukin

Bah, y'all it's been borin.

Good reviews at the chickfest here for Stewart's opening monologue, but cynics say he's not "inside" enough to really please the Hollywood types. He didn't bring down the house like Billy Crystal with his song-and-dance numbers, but certainly not a dud. Not a Letterman.

Instant review of John Stewart: Too droll, too subtle, too nervous. I don't know what Clooney sees on him.

but wait!
"he felt she'd upstaged him. Their costumes weigh / fifteen pounds apiece; they're poached in sweat / and smell like fermenting pigs"
homage to Bill Matthews A Night at the Opera

Spotted: TEARS for the Clooney speech: "Proud to be out of touch." People like that battle cry.

Giamatti was robbed! Besides, Clooney was far too good looking and tall to play that role.

Joel, this is your gig, so I'm gonna stop hornin' in. Sorry, but that Western Montage done got me all confused.

I've been in love with George Clooney ever since he wasn't afraid to look like a total fool in "O Brother Where Art Thou?"

Hey, cool! This is like a pajama party at Joel's house!

*Arriving late at the party, though, but I brought ripple chips and onion dip.* My prediction for best supporting: George Clooney. Oh, wait, that already happened. Never mind.

well I'll be darned: [very loose paraphrase]
just like heroes at the wax museum: / they know they are on camera, the coyness, the frippery, the plunging necklines, the b double honey drops bs, the fit of their tiny size 3 diamond shoes / their over-all circulatory health and latest hotstone massage/facelift/uplift/duct-tape job/botox injection / just PR BS, like the currently hot star next to them in bed, and not the face without fixing / and certainly not the capitalTtruth / which is the single body alone in the universe running for its life trying to beat its own best time /

homage to Sharon Olds Sex Without Love

Oh,m I gotta get me a bowtie like that!

Matches your 'bund perfectly Mudge!

Naomi Watts: Washed out. Hideous dress.
"She's shiny. What's wrong with her skin."

I really don't get the "dress to match my washed-out skin color" theme going here.

And make sure you get a nice 'bund to go with it, 'mudge.

Shouldn't the theme from "TransAmerica" been, maybe, "L-O-L-A, Lola"?

RD this is a fine example of 3 things:
1) someone has defintely been useful helping these gals find their elusive image
and
2)I've noticed a certain amount of tolerance on this blog and
3)very much appreciated

Just what percentage of Ms. Parton is still biodegradable?

Hah! Joel was just ahead of me there!

[Boodled out of order. (B-triple-honey-drops.)]

Speaking of sets - doen't those weird curly things look like leftovers from the original Alien movie? Or just Nautilus shells that failed their steroid tests.

Ol' Dolly's looking pretty good, there, but I hate to think how many right whales died for all the whalebone in that corset she's wearing. That's like, what, an 18-inch waist?

Really mediocre song.

Now, now, folks, you already KNOW I've got the 'bund!

Google reports that Dolly Parton is 60. Just in case you wuz wondrin.

Off topic. TBG - I am delighted to see your photograph made the Post!

I think we've got ourselves a 'boodle on the loose here. Yee-haw!

Mudge... quit hoggin' the chips and dip. Achenfan looks hungry. Who brought the beer, anyway?

TBG, since Kidman and Watts both had the washed-out look, there's a theory going around that it's an Australian thing.

At least parts of her are.

Live short action? I'm sure lotta heavy betting going on on that one!

Maybe it's just me, but I thing Peggy Stern looks hot.

I think it to.

The good thing about having Achenfan here is it's pretty convenient for her to run out for some Chinese.

Live short action: sounds like my honeymoon. *Rimshot*

Thanks RD. They don't call it WILDwood for nothing!

57 right whales at least

Achenfan, what time is it there? What day is it?

Since it's actually tomorrow, don't you already know who won these things?

Actually, I'm looking a little washed out too.
It *is* an Australian thing! Or, it could be jet lag. G-honey-drop-D, I hope so.

Russell Crowe came on and there was a STAMPEDE of smokin' chicks from the porch back into the living room to see him. I swear I'm the only male here, it's like field research. Also more than I wanna know.

I see Russell Crowe is bringing back the Betty Boop spit curl look.

Joel is just gonna learn SO MUCH tonight! And he'll have kit material for six months.

The make-up thing with Carell and Farrell is even funnier than the special-effects thing with Ben Stiller.

"It's my eyelashes."

6 mo, please, no,

My daughter just pointed out that Russell Crowe looked no different in the before/after pictures.

TBG:
Right now it's around 10 a.m. As far as I can tell, the only way for me to watch the Oscars is on E!, which we foolishly neglected to subscribe to -- we never watch that channel, but I forgot about the Oscars. I could be watching the ceremony at this very moment! Next year . . .

For now, I'm switching between the 'boodle and Jen Chaney's chat to keep myself up to date on who's looking washed out and who's got boob stretch (apart from me). It's all worked out rather well, though, since I'll be stuck at home for most of today waiting for my husband's office furniture to be delievered. (He himself is galavanting around Indonesia.)

Now that man takes his mustaches seriously. And the poor lady didn't get to speak at all!

I think Stewart is calming down and getting way funnier. Also, not coincidentally, I think he's starting to tick off more people in the room.

That time of year we may behold the worst in us / when yellow skin, or none, or few, or more do hang / upon these boughs that cringe in fitting room mirror/ bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet b double honey drops bs sang

Predicting: Williams

On Rachel Weisz: "Horrible speech: She's pontificating."
There is a strong earnestness streak cutting through the speeches this year.

Just what percentage of Ms. Parton is still biodegradable?

Sweet Jesus, I'm headin out for some beer n peanuts.
I can't take it no more.

Oh my goodness = something weird is happening and my posts are recycling! They were bad enought the first time!

AMEN

She had to speak earnestly so the audience would stop wondering how she got her cleavage to look like that.

Lauren Bacall! Oh my gawd! I hate it when they bring out the dead actors.

For those wondering, David Strathairn played the guidance counselor (or whatever it was) in the Sopranos who has the fling with Edie Falco:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000657/

The guy has been in everything for 25-sumpin years. Great to see him get a nomination.

I heart David Strathairn.
And he doesn't even have a beer belly.

RD: (nudge nudge)
Our three honey drop orbs therefore which are two / though I must gawk, endure unto recycling / not a breach, but an expansion / like a golden oscar to hairy thinnessbeat.

Is it just me, or does that "78" look just plain silly everywhere?

well someone's got to add some class to this blog:
If we are two "orbs" we are four so / as stiff twin basketballs are, whew / the one, the fixed b ooh b, doth glow / and the other does steal the show

You know the Penguins have it sewed up

What is memwha?

WHY IS THERE A GIANT TRUFFLE OR --- GOITER??? -- ON CHARLIZE'S SHOULDER???

Now who feels silly for bringing a huge stuffed penguin to the Oscars?

I have never been able to figure out why people find it interesting to watch a bunch of movie people congratulate one another. Had a similar thought this afternoon at the market, looking at the magazine rack by the check-out stand.

Full disclosure: My next door neighbor is an academy member and won an Emmy as Max Headroom art director; he's not like a "movie star" at all.

OK, well the olive-skinned "dress that matches skin tone" looks AWESOME!

desperately attempting to inject some class into the rapidly deteriorating stale smelling locker room :

And though one bdoubleohb in the center sit / Yet when the other far doth roam / It leans, and harkens after it / and grows
right out of the tvset / "oh take me home"

Ok. Charlize Theron is merely one of the most beautiful women in the world. WHY would anyone dress her in an outfit such that one's eyes are constantly distracted by the enormous .... excrescence....on her shoulder?

Catty enough for y'all?? I rest my case

Worst. musical. number. ever.

For a guy who doesn't speak English well the MOTP director made a very elegant point.

Somebody should tell this woman the set's on fire.

Cheeshead, a blog that includes the word "excrescence" is just ooooozing class.

Mudge, there were fears here that the people sneaking up on the singer were going to murder her.

> Lauren Bacall! Oh my gawd! I hate it when they bring out the dead actors.

Well, she's 10 years younger than my mother. Or maybe she has an excellent taxidermist.

Oh my goodness!! Something wonderful is happening and my posts are recycling! They were good enough the first time!

Our three honey drop orbs therefore which are two / though I must gawk, endure unto recycling / not a breach, but an expansion / like a golden oscar to hairy thinness beat.

If we are two "orbs" we are four so / as stiff twin basketballs are, whew / the one, the fixed b ooh b, doth glow / and the other does steal the show

And though one bdoubleohb in the center sit / Yet when the other far doth roam / It leans, and harkens after it / and grows
right out of the tvset / "oh take me home"

Yeah, Joel, I was actually looking forward to that possibility.

Good news, bad news: The pre-production humor has been very good this year (the "campaigning" for Best Actress, in particular, though the Gay Cowboys at the beginning was good, if a bit obviously STOLEN from my column today), but...but...but...the problem is that Oscar is supposed to be a live show, and the canned stuff is cheating, a bit. It is stealing from what otherwise might be excruciatingly awkward and even disastrous live TV.

Is that Sandra's bra showing?

we should definitely do this more often.
I need some new material. And as a bonus I can add excretescense to my list of classy words too!

TBG, this isn't the Weingarten chat. Get with the program.

Mudge, I didn't mention Charlize's VPL! That's why she had the excrescence on her dress. They call it "dressexcrescence."

I like the Aaron Copland medley.

I just love it when somebody waxes poetic about how important the writer/storyteller is--which is why writers are always paid crap --and are crapped on-- wherever they work. (Except, of course, on the Achenblog.)

State of Heart film-making? Ouch. That's gonna leave a scar. And TBG - I wondered the same thing about Sandra.

Anyway - Good night all. Drive safely.

We're in that hostage-situation part of the Academy Awards show. They aren't going to give any awards that you care about for another hour. There's going to be, instead, a 20-minute Tribute to Past Winners of the Thalberg Award, or something of that sort.

just what i say, Mudge, just what I say.
Thus, I wax poetic. Thanks for the definition of excretescense.

"This is supposed to be quiet nap time."

"It's the Yo Yo Montage."

Achenfan, if you're using this lull in the action to order out, I'll have the cho-cho and then the orange beef with fried rice. Anybody else?

a brainstorm on the last line:

If we are two "orbs" we are four so / as stiff twin basketballs are, whew / the one, the fixed b ooh b, doth glow / but the other knocker steals the show

s'whaddya think? Don't choke on your pork fried rice now.

Well, I was wrong. Not a Tribute to Thalberg Winners. A "Tribute to Epics." Rounding Error, if ya ask me.

will someone please give the noxious creep a hand? Then maybe he'll leave

Rounded error accepted. What irked me was--some of those flicks weren't exactly "epics." Black Hawk Down? Jaws? Speed? Nah.

Speaking of writers being excresciated on, 'mudge, here are some amusing excerpts from Joel's book "It Looks Like a President Only Smaller: Trailing Campaign 2000":

"No sooner did the column go up on the site than the raging e-mails came pouring in. Apparently the Bush supporters found my message unamusing. The column was posted at far right Web sites. My words spread through the Net, a thought contagion, a viral explosion of liberal Washington elitism. I was a bad man, I was vile -- but I had readers."

*******

"Over the past month a lot of my e-mail has arrived in Caps Lock mode. This is one of the side effects of the amazing presidential election. A typical message says something like [in caps] *hey idiot how do you get paid for writing that stinking guano I bet your parents are ashamed please shut up moron bye*." [Wasn't that nice how the person added "bye" at the end?]

Others are more personal, along the lines of *Dumb haircut. You look like dog barf*."

*******

"[the column is published] on the Web site at 1:00 P.M. By about 1:15 P.M. I get the first e-mail saying that I am scum, the lowliest slime on the planet, a detestable putrescence. The process has a beautiful, natural rhythm, culminating at about 6:00 P.M. when suddenly I can't remember what I wrote that morning."

I've always sort of hated the Oscars because they're such a HUGE waste of time. They go on forever and aren't really that entertaining and there are all these awards for Best Gaffer or Best Best Boy or Best Agent or Best Craft Services or whatever.

I am going to bed. Soon. Will shutter this blog. Turn out the lights. See ya in the morning.

there is a reason men cannot write poetry while watching the oscars (swimsuit competitions etc) - the elevator's stuck in the basement.

I think that DP had her lips done like Barbara Hershey...that and the sportsman's gap on a gal that is 60...whale carnage to get the waistline...dude...

Oops! I was using the lull to be obsequious, when I should have been ordering Chinese takeout. Let's see -- that's two orders of chicken feet, three pickled jellyfish, one tripe . . . McDonald's, anyone?

More like a tribute to epochs.

Oh that word-repetition thing is really starting to stick in my craw. Should have used a hard return after "Oops!"

Before you brush your teeth and put out the cat, Joel, something to think about. I'm reading the mystery novel "RThe Rule of Four," which is set a Princeton, your alma mater. It mentions the dread senior thesis, the sophomore year Nude Olympics (!), and eating clubs. So you know what's coming:
1) Did you read the book?
2) What was your senior thesis?
3) Did you participate in the Nude Olympics?
4) I don't give a rat's patoot about the eating clubs. Tell us more about the Nude Olympics.

Oh, before you turn out the light, I hope all the smokin' babes are still up.

G'night.

scum slidin slum dwellin crawdad, execresciently putrid ....oh i forget the rest but, yes, the right hates me too

I guess I'm crazy, but I don't see any word repetitions. Never do when folks mention them here.

Achenfan, here's another paragraph from that book, tell me what it reminds you of:

"When online writing is effective, it creates the sense of being at a dinner party with a lot of smart, loud, opinionated people who are still several drinks away from being completely soused."

And, hey, I love the Oscars, but I do get sleepy about this time of night. I'm planning to watch the show tomorrow night, sans commercials, and if I get sleepy I'll watch the big finish the next night. The magic of videotape.

This little chatfest has been amusing to monitor. Thanks to all.

SCC: "The Rule of Four." Don't know where that R came from. Must be hunger pangs. When will the Chinese takeout guy get here?

smokin here Mudge. Still up. you got your wish honey

If the world has to be repopulated with Jessica Alba, I volunteer. Even if she didn't win my contest for Best Movie Stripper:

http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com/2006/02/movie-stripper-awards.html

two orders of chicken feet, three pickled jellyfish, one tripe

a Lent Fest for sure

TBG, you don't see "should have been ordering ordering..." in A-fan's post?

Oops. I was wrong. This one is the worst. musical. number. ever.

Well, I know what I'll be humming tomorrow morning at the bus stop.

This is weird and interesting in a nerdy sort of way. When I blocked the text of Achenfan's message to copy it to my comment, it only blocked one "ordering"--so the second one was only virtually virtual, if you see what I mean.

Joel & Hal, I'm afraid that this is the sort of thing that would tend to drives some types of delicately balanced people over the line into the land of the loony. Not that I'm saying we have any of those types here in the boodle.

This has "tune cootie" written all over it!

Maybe so...the 7th avenue street sign makes me long for Shattered to be up for this song

SCC: would tend to drive

Nope. I see no repetition. I see: "Oops! I was using the lull to be obsequious, when I should have been ordering Chinese takeout..."

BTW... I LOVE Queen Latifah. Best-looking woman in the room if you ask me.

And I bet Queen is her real name, that she grew up with it, right? In my home town there was a woman who was called QV--her actual name was Queen Victoria. Leroy is a name after that same tradition--it means "the king" in French. Isn't that right, Joel?

"They always pick the loudest of these for Sound Editing."

mo is also a fan of Queen Latifah. (But I'll say no more about that, because I don't want to give away a BPH Achensecret.)

Good night. I'll leave you with these words of wisdom from my daughter:

"Oh my God, I don't care who wins--I'm too tired."

Queen's real name is Dana Owens. And under that name she has a pretty good album of torch songs, etc. (called "The Dana Owens Album"). I'm a Queen Latifah fan, too, TBG. She has a great face.

Why in the Montage of Death did they not mention the great Don Knotts? "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" gets no respect?

Thought Joel went to bed. He's probably muttering curses about "The Rule of Four."

Died in 2006, not 2005, didn't he?

Mudge, that was easier than Google! Thanks for the information.

I think I first saw Queen Latifah in Living Out Loud, which is a great movie starring Holly Hunter (I heart Holly Hunter, too.) Latifah is great, has very positive energy. I wasn't very happy to see her do that Steve Martin/Eugene Levy movie (I have blocked the title, oh yeah, Bringing Down the House)--it was somewhat beneath her, I hope they paid her a lot of money to do it.

Motherhood has been very good to Jennifer Garner. She now has breasts bigger than Ben Affleck's. Is that catty enough?

I liked her in "The Bone Collector" opposite Denzel Washington, and in "Chicago."

Closet Watchers™: Jake Gyllenhaal's date is his mom.

And poor dumb Jake cannot read a teleprompter. Who did he have to sleep with to get that job?

Who knew catty could be so much fun?

Mudge, haven't read Rule of Four, but did read This Side of Paradise 20 years after graduation.

The chicks loved the Foreign Language guy, fyi.

I think the night would go much quicker if they didn't keep giving out the Best Film Editing award every 45 minutes. This guy should thank the guy who won Best Film Editing at 9:30 tonight. Seriously they just give the same award over and over.

Hilary Swank: "Looks like she rode there in a convertible."
HATRED of her dress.

Hoffman!!!!!!

Charlize was great in that movie. But the shoulder excrescence tonight will prevent her from winning.

This underlying music is horrible.

Achenbach, is it possible that one of those
catty gals is the Lonemule?

"We've traced the post, and it's coming from inside the house!"

"I'm just trying to matter." Another line of the night.

Nodded off for an hour or so during Witherspoon's speech. Achenfan, any moo goo gai pan left? Any fortune cookies?

They should try harder.

That bow on Ms. Theron's shoulder is insidious...Ms. Pac Man???

OK, i'm out of here. Blog now closed. Thanks everyone (ok, so it was about 6 people) for tuning in. See you folks in the moaning.

OK, what am I missing here? Why do I want my cell phone to play scenes from "The Sporanos"?

Not staying for Best Picture?

DV

Hey, somebody needs to stick around and tell me the winner for Best Picture!

I'm here for the long haul. Oscar comes but once a year.

Ah, Uma went with the matching skin and gown style as well...

DV

I have one of those truck stop compendiums of Johnny Cash recordings that span the early years of his career...the difference between the original Big River and the subsequent cover by the Dead made me wonder what was magic about the song...orignial music is such a joy.

Or, I could just look on one of the other ten zillion websites that are chatting about the Oscars right now. It's been great, guys--see you later.

Boodled out of order, that didn't make any sense. DV and Jack, the night owls and dedicated movie mavens are here.

jack, I didn't forget to ask my friend the name of her family's restaurant in Syracuse, it just took a while. It turns out not to be an Italian restaurant, as I had thought, but mainly a banquet hall, called Lemoine Manor. As far from tonight's topic as I could get. It is definitely past my bedtime.

Ang Lee wins best director. That should seal it for best movie.

OK, Ang Lee got it for Best Director, and here's hoping his writers get some coffee. She was yawning as she accepted for Best Screenplay.

I'm wide awake. It's lunchtime here.
I just had a nice toasted cheese and tomato sandwich (made with Aussie cheese!) and a cup of green tea.

It's gonna be brokeback.

Jack is still the coolest in the room.

DV

"Crash" wins!

Wow! Huge upset.
"It's a shock Oscar!"

OK, who saw that coming? Crash's producers look like they don't believe it either.

Scratch my boring lunch comment.
Yay for Ang Lee.
Double yay for Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Dolly Parton got the most jokes

OK, I checked the tape, she just thanked her husband and her wife.

DV

Much applause here among the chicks. Apparently this is a popular (if surprising) choice.

Personally I've been in a funk ever since "Narnia" didn't win Sound Mixing.

I have severe 'boodle lag.
Yay for Crash, too -- at least I've seen that one.

It's the 8-year-old Soccer League Oscars: Everyone gets a trophy!
Best Pic: Crash
Best Director: Brokeback
Best Actress: Walk the Line
Best Actor: Capote
And so on. There was even that posthumous Thalberg for Jim Varney!

G'night.

I'm glad I already saw Crash, because if I hadn't seen it, and I went to see it thinking, wow, this is the best movie of the year, so I better go see it, I know I would have been VERY disappointed!!

You saw it here first:

CRASH CRASHES OSCAR BASH

You saw it here first:
"Joel Achenbach: The Boy Who Cried 'Bed'"

kb: I knew you wouldn't forget...can't say that I ever went to Lemoyne Manor, but I did go to soccer camp at Lemoyne. Also rode my bike up and down Thompson Road so many times I'd be rich for all of the proverbial nickels. The coolest part was tackling the hill on the Erie Blvd. side the literally racing down the DeWitt side, through the turns near the elementary school, then through the esses near the dry cleaners. Someone cut me off near the elementary one night...had to ditch the bike, with me strapped in at the toe clips...rough ride; cracked the beautiful Bocama hand cut lug at the headset tube/top tube joint on my Raleigh Competition. Bums me out to this day. Just stuff though...sweet dreams everyone.

Crash director Ryan Phillipe is married to Reese Witherspoon. I'm guessing tonight's celebratin' has got to be the next best thing to make-up celebratin'.

DV

"Achenfan Wins in 'Lamest Comment' Category"

Worse discussion of the Oscars on a news program: ABC News' "This Week with George Stephanapoulos" with roundtable featuring George Will, Robert Reich, and Bill Sammon

Most shameful plug of ABC Oscar telecast on a news program: anchor Dan Harris on Sunday ABC News' evening's broadcast

Stupidest question posed to a star by an interviewer on the red carpet: to Paul Giamatti: "Have you ever gone into the ring?"

Worst lapel pin worn by a film critic during tonight's broadcast: Leonard Maltin: Mickey Mouse

Worst dressed male on the red carpet: Tim Burton

Best joke of the evening: Dick Cheney shoots Bjork.

Person I would most like to have a conversation with: Lauren Bacall on what it's *really* like to work at Tuesday Morning.

Best spoof: Political ads

Best portrayal of Ben Bradlee in a film clip montage: Jason Robards

Boodler most likely to have attended the Oscar ceremony: Mudge disguised as Mickey Rooney

Worst part of the night during the awards presentation: Husband holds remote and channel flips during the ads

Best Academy Award to a person from Archer, Texas: Larry McMurtry

Person who will be happiest when the night is over: Wolfgang Puck

Academy Award that would have made by maternal grandmother the happiest: Since she was born at Spring and Hill in Los Angeles in the 1880s: Crash

Biggest flabbergast of the evening: Crash

LindaLoo writes,
"Boodler most likely to have attended the Oscar ceremony: Mudge disguised as Mickey Rooney"
Ha! So true!

John Stewart: Everything I wanted to know about a dreidel but was afraid to ask.

Did "Crash" really win or are you guys just messin't wit me?

I was flippin' back and forth from Poirot and um, sort of missed most of it.

Rounding Error indeed.

Must do this one before finally heading off to bed:

Biggest failure of nerve by The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences: Academy Award for Best Picture to "Crash" after giving the film the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Director

SCC:
Biggest failure of nerve by The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences:

Academy Award for Best Picture to "Crash" after giving the film "Brokeback Mountain" the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Director

I mean "C,mon"...I didn't even pay box office to see Crash in the theater but waited until it came out on DVD

Another Dolly Parton joke I heard on the radio: Why is her waist so small? Nothing grows in the shade!

bdl

("Nothing grows in the shade"! Ha!)

Before I forget:
Tip o' the hat to Curmudgeon for alerting me to a book called "Golden Boy: Memories of a Hong Kong Childhood," by Martin Booth. I've just started reading it, and I can't stop chuckling.

The Author's Note reminds me of the discussion we had here about knowing one's parents:

"It had never been my intention to write an autobiography. To do so smacked of arrogance: it was not as if I were a rock star, an explorer, a footballer or a member of the miscreant aristocracy . . . . Then, in October 2002, I was diagnosed with the nastiest type of brain tumor around. . . . Whilst I was convalescing, with a metal plate and half a dozen screws in my head, and most of the cancer still in situ, my two children -- both in their twenties -- asked me to tell them about my early life.

"Having tried, without even a smidgen of success, to persuade my father to do the same for me . . . I decided I would tackle the task of writing about my childhood, which was spent in Hong Kong."

Booth describes his father as "a stick-in-the-mud with little real sense of humour and and all-abiding pedantry. Furthermore, he had a chip on his shoulder which insiduously grew throughout his life. He came to hold all relationships at arm's length, considering himself a cut above most of his contemporaries."

Booth portrays his mother in a much more positive light, such as when he describes their arguing over whether he should be allowed to eat some fresh dates purchased from a stall in Algiers:

"'How can you tell where they've been?' he remonstrated with her.
'They've been up a date palm,' my mother replied.
'And they picked themselves, I suppose?'
'No,' she responded, in the same tone of voice as she might have used to a dog sniffing at the Sunday dinner table. 'I expect they were plucked by a scrofulous urchin and thrown down to his tubercular aunt who wrapped them in her phlegm-stiffened handkerchief.'"

[Ha! Scrofulous! Urchin! Tubercular!]

SCC:
and AN all-abiding pedantry

I think omni"Shanghai Baby"bad
might like this book, too:

"Inside the shop stood a sailor, his arm round the waist of a young Chinese woman wearing a very tight dress that shimmered under the shop lights. The sides of the garment were slit from the bottom hem to the top of her thigh. When she moved, almost her entire leg was visible. I had never seen anything like it -- the dress of the female limb."

[Can you tell I'm still waiting for the furniture guy???]

SCC:
the dress OR the female limb.

("the dress of the female limb" makes no sense. Sorry, omni.)

I think I'll quite writin' for now and get back to readin'. Achenlater.

I think Beyonce should have won for something... isn't there some award

(why did that send before I was done?)
... wasn't she in Pink Panther or something?

Watched Oscars last night, read boodle this morning. Best Comment on Both: Loretta, in "Snore," an epic in a word.

Larry McMurtry is from Archer City, Texas. He used to own a used book store there , but I don't know if he still does. IMHO the quality of his writing has deteriorated since he teamed with Diana Ossana.

Crash wins- what a shock. The safe, shallow choice sweeps the AMPAS! It's not a bad picture, and would have deserved this award if it had been made 30-40 years ago, maybe.

I heart Larry McMurtry because of a story he tells about growing up in small-town Texas. He loved books but there weren't any bookstores, just the local drugstore that had a revolving rack of paperbacks. He was starved for books, and dreamed of books, and when he grew up and got rich enough he had a huge warehouse full of books.

Okay, there's a special circle in hell reserved for people like me who take a beautiful story and summarize it like bad journalism. Sorry, Larry!

My favorite McMurtry book that I have read (and I haven't read that many, maybe three or four) is Sin Killer. It's a very unusual tale, strange and unforgettable.

Morning all. Just wanted to say the Achenblog Oscar Party was a lot of fun. Sorry if I over-posted a bit. It's like eating peanuts. Anyway, when I got up this morning and saw Crash had won best picture I was pleased. Yes it is a bit contrived, but at least it tried to push out new ground in both technique and content.

RD Padouk:
You think *you* over-posted? Look at all *my* posts! I Achenbloghogged, BOOO'd, and SCC'd the night away.
It *is* like eating peanuts!

And now I've over-asterisked.

kbertocci, you're starting at the wrong end of Larry McMurtry! Read his early stuff- Horseman, Pass By (made into a movie as Hud), Terms of Endearment, Last Picture Show, and his masterpiece, Lonesome Dove. All have been filmed, and all filmed well. The mini-series of Lonesome Dove with Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones is one of the best things ever made for TV.

"Lonesome Dove" was far and above the best of his work. Everything else pales by comparison.

I thought the incredibly humiliating Ben Stiller bit was going to have at least one Ang Lee/Hulk joke.

After I had learned that Samuel Colt was on the family tree, I became curious what it would be like to hold an actual Colt in my hands (never having fingered a small arm before). There had been a traveling historic gun exhibit about six months earlier at the Buckhorn Saloon downtown (admission fee required) but all the collectors' pistols were under glass.

Then a Texas collector of movie memorabilia and a supplier of various western artifacts to Hollywood set decorator decided to give up, to sell his collection of *everything*--he had either gotten so old or he had died--I don't remember. What he had owned and collected over a lifetime of working behind the scenes of Western movies filled an entire auditorium in Boerne, Texas (not far at all from San Antonio) that day just several years ago. I took my Loomis genealogy tome with its picture of Sam Colt prominently featured and spoke with the head of the auction. I was allowed to heft and hold the Colt (reproduction) used in the "Lonesome Dove" series and used by actor Robert Duvall. I was also able to pick up and peruse a number of other authentic Colts that first day, a Friday, when the public was permitted to look at all the items that would be up for sale for many hours on the weekend.

My husband and I went back on Sunday as the two-day auction was just winding down--as I had been interested in the fate of a particular carton of books. The item from the auction that had fetched the highest price? The Colt pistol reproduction that had been used by Duvall in "Lonesome Dove." The auctioneer staff wouldn't tell me who precisely had purchased it--a private collector in Houston--but the price that it had fetched was $10,000--possibly give or take a few dollars.

So, I have the smallest of connections to Robert Duvall, Tommy Lee Jones, and Larry McMurtry. (And there is a McMurtry Loomis on the family tree. Hmmmm...)

k-guy thanks for the encouragement. I have read Lonesome Dove and Last Picture Show, the road book (America's Great Highways) and also some nonfiction, including the bookstore story and another tale about how McMurtry has a t-shirt he likes to wear that labels him a MINOR REGIONAL NOVELIST, or something like that. I like his sense of humor, and he's a good writer. Your enthusiasm encourages me to keep him on my list.

My favorite road book is "Blue Highways" by William Least Heat Moon. It was my travel companion for a long time.

The double word post phenomena is disconcerting. Has anyone figured it out?

Shales this morning in a paragraph:

Film buffs and the politically minded, meanwhile, will be arguing this morning about whether the Best Picture Oscar to "Crash" was really for the film's merit or just a cop-out by the Motion Picture Academy so it wouldn't have to give the prize to "Brokeback Mountain," a movie about two cowboys who fall reluctantly but passionately in love.

I'm still waiting for a film critic con cojones to give us a fuller dissection of how the vote for Best Picture went south--out of Wyoming to Los Angeles--and a more comprehensive post-mortem regarding "Why?".

Joel writes:
They all love Jon Stewart and will probably rave about his performance even if he pulls a Letterman.

According to Shales, Jon Stewart's "performance," didn't even rise to the level of warmed-over meatloaf. I missed Billy Crystal's song and dance schticks as host, whether Crystal was tent-camping or not. Note to Stewart: Stick to your night gig on cable.

OT- for those of you don't live locally, the only thing in this country rising faster than GWB's deficit is the assessment on my house. Just got the tax news for this year. In the first ten years we owned our house the assessment rose a total of 32%. Since 2000, the increases have averaged 20% a year. This is a 1400 square foot 100 year old brick bungalow in a formerly funky now uber trendy Alexandria neighborhood called Del Ray. I can see the day that my house will be valued at ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Amazing. We would sell (before the garage falls over), but then where would we live?

FYI, new kit.

Hey kguy - check out www.zillow.com
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
What does it mean when you caould no longer afford to buy your own home?

*bleary-eyed, at work, haven't had my coffee yet, just got out of a meeting*

Disguise? Don't need no steenkin' disguise to look like Mickey Rooney. Put a buxom blonde tootsie on my arm and no one would think twice.

Salma Hayak is perfect looking. She's even better looking than Charlize Theron, though once you get into their area it is ridiculous (but fun!) to compare.

yOUR BLOG IS NOT WORTH READING EITHER

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