The Achievement Season

Am I really first? My accomplishment for the season.

Translation:

The PTA at Joel's kids' school has asked him to be the celebrity host at the fall fundraiser and he doesn't want to do it. They even assigned his columns to the entire remedial English class trying to butter him up.

He also didn't quite finish (or even start) that blockbuster novel about a journalist that gets sucked into the intrigue of International Astronomical Union's plot to rule the universe.

JA writes: "You haven't grasped how much effort goes into persuading someone to publish it, or the long hours of writing and rewriting, or those difficult moments when you doubt the wisdom of having a plot that pivots on the discovery that the Earth is hollow."

Sorta like having a military invasion that pivots on finding threatening WMDs and an invaded populace that welcomes the invaders with garlands of flowers and parades. Whoops.

bc

yellojkt, you know I already started that novel on my blog, where the IAU develops their Planet Buster weaponry and demostrates it's destructive capabilites on Pluto.

Not sure if the IAU wants to rule the universe or to just be able to sell the naming rights to Everything.

WARNING, CRUDE JOKE APPROACHING. THOSE WITH SENSITIVITY PLEASE AVERT YOUR EYES FROM THIS ITEM NOW:

"Uranus, powered by Tucks."

Sorry, folks.

bc

Several years ago, enmeshed in a web of civic responsibility, I activated my own Terminator function. Now my default response is "no", often couched in an "I'm so sorry" with a sweet smile. This frees me up to do things I really want to do, or to do things that I don't really want to do but can see some benefit in doing, or to do things that I don't really want to do that won't help me but the person asked so nicely, or . . . excuse me. I need to repair my Terminator.

I also have on occasion performed this function for organizations. I find the most effective way is to suggest that it is a splendid idea, and ask the originator of the scheme to take complete charge of it. Usually never heard from again.

And I will NEVER NEVER do a school auction. Life is too short.

Actually...Over the years I've been so worthless to various PTAs that they've learned to ignore me. I guess I did "emcee" the auction last spring, but that required precisely 5 minutes of work. My bigger concern today are editors who might decide, post-vacation, that we need to do the biggest story of all time, like a 17-part series, on (for example) Entitlement Reform. Or: Inside The Farm Bill. Or: String Theory Explained At Last.

Joel, you just never know about this novel business and where it might lead.

Last Friday morning, I exchanged e-mail with Steve Hodel, author of "Black Dahlia Avenger." I initiated the volley to discuss Ellroy's "Black Dahlia" movie, to open in theaters in the U.S. on Sept. 15. Brian De Palma's thriller is based on Ellroy's 1987 fast-paced, twisted fiction which contains a number of real-life characters involved in the Black Dahlia murder and investigation.

Yes, Hodel knew my LAPD Det. Cousin Bill H. and worked with him for a brief time within the Hollywood Detectives unit.

However, the news is that New Line Cinema, a Time Warner company, has picked up the rights to film Hodel's book, "Black Dahlia Avenger." Also, A&E will be air an hour's show on the "Black Dahlia" investigation, including an interview with Hodel, this coming Saturday evening--so if you're interested, you may want to check your local listings.

Hodel's 2003 book--though Hodel is not the polished novelist that Ellroy is, tells a story that is just as twisted and depraved as Ellroy's is, in which he alleges that his father is the "Black Dahlia" killer. Now that I've had a chance to become more familiar with Hodel's work, Hodel also alleges that his father's friend Fred Sexton is the alleged murderer of Ellroy's mother.

You never know where a written work will lead. And for both Ellroy and Hodel the motives for their efforts is extremely personal.

Didn't Nancy Reagan tell us to "Just Say No"?

If you want to bring all the bad ideas together in one place, but not to have do anything about them, hold out for a seat on the Board of Directors.

That's what I do, negotiate with a counterproposal.

bc

My great salvation from school auctions is that I can offer myself for sale. One hour of storytelling work, and I throw in a CD. I also attend the auction and buy some things I don't need (one-hour hot air balloon jaunt coming up in 1.5 weeks!). This clears my responsibilities. Plus, our PTA has a whirlwind person who is one of those who is terminally incapable of delegating squat and rubs the wrong way those people who had hoped to actually be able to contribute. Thus, the PTA becomes a personal fiefdom with a few ambitionless cronies, and the rest of us are left to feel disaffected and carp from the sidelines. It works out great!

Ivansmom, your rebound theory for dealing with bright ideas proposed works on so many levels.

JA's strategy of hiding has its own dangers for the next few weeks, since the time honored tradition for projects that actually must be done is to assign them to Those Not In Attendance.

Hollow-Earth plot problems?? Never stopped Verne...

Then again, JA would have to approach it as hard science, meaning asbesetos undies for the whole cast.

Nobody asks me to do anything anyway, BTW.

:-)

I have found that income taxes can be very effective as well. Most nonprofits take a stab at fundraising around tax time, figuring that tax benefits and tax-deductibility will be on your mind. The serious fund-raising, however, happens later in the year, around Christmas and Thanksgiving. You can tell them "I'm sorry, but we've already made our decisions about charitable giving for this year, back in April." I get to feel like I've made a moral stand, without seriously thinking about it, and I feel like I haven't told the world that I'm a monster who cares nothing for his fellow man. Except for the people who really needed that money, it's a winner all around!

I suspect that few organizations are more adept at intimidating people into giving up their time and money than our local public school. Despite living in one of the richest areas in the nation, I am given the impression that all that is preventing the school from degenerating into a pathetic conglomeration of destitute paupers with shoddy band uniforms is my purchase of several square miles of fancy wrapping paper. My wife suggests that this phenomenon is driven by a surplus of hyper-aggressive stay-at-home moms who are redirecting their thwarted corporate ambitions into the local cookie drive. She has learned not to cross them.

Of course, I suspect that a lot of this obsession with achievement is a Pavlovian response to the academic calendar. For I remember how I would begin each new school year convinced that I was going to find a way to be popular, scholarly, and a Natural Student Leader. Sometimes I made it to Halloween before giving up.

I must admit I felt a vague echo of this idealism as I sent my offspring off to school this morning. I told myself that just as they were starting a New Chapter of Life, so would I. I would come to work and single-handedly remake the entire community upon the lines of Science and Reason.

Instead, I am typing this.

Off topic:

Mrs. D. has finally posted the photos from Peru, which can be seen here:

http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLandingSignin.jsp?Uc=9lnla4cp.4v6ru41h&Uy=-wfne9k&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&UV=807760280545_740486960405

I'm the bearded guy comparable in size to the whales, but not skeletal.

The trip went like this:

Day 1--arrive in Lima around midnight, check into hotel

Day 2--visit the Natual History Museum at the University of San Marcos

Day 3--Take the bus from Lima to Ica, check into hotel, visit the Ica Regional Museum (an archaeology museum).

Day 4--leave early, drive to Paracas, and take a boat offshore to the Islas Ballestas wildlife preserve. Afterwards, drive across the dune fields to the ruins of a pre-Incan city. The drive to laguna Moron for lunch and sandboarding, then back to Ica for dinner.

Day 5--drive to Ocucaje, the into the desert to Cerro Blanco and Cerro Ballena to look for fossil whales and study the sediments. More sandboarding in the afternoon, then back to Ica.

Day 6--Back to Cerro Ballena to excavate a whale skeleton for Ocucaje's visitor center, exploring for more whales, then more sandboarding (with the dunes getting progressively larger).

Day 7--To Ocucaje, then to Cerro la Bruja to look for more whales and unusual sedimentary deposits. In the evening, a ride in dune buggies across the dune field, then night sandboarding.

Day 8--Leave early, then drive across the desert looking for more whales, finally ending up at a remote beach. It was supposed to be for relaxing, but when we arrived we found a bunck of igneous rocks that weren't on the geologic maps, so we ended up working. Fresh caught fish and Pisco for lunch.

Day 9--Drive to Nazca, then charter planes to fly over the Nazca lines. Apparently the pilots were betting which passengers would get sick the fastest (not realizing some of us can understand Spanish). Fortunately I don't get motion sickness. Afterwards, stop at a pottery shop.

Day 10--Visit two bodegas in the morning, to buy wine and Pisco, then the bus back to Lima. Most of our group (except the Dooleys and the students) left then.

Days 11-14--In the museum, working on fossil whales that have already been collected, then flying back to the US on day 14-15.

All in all, a fun and productive trip. We mapped the locations of 40 whale, seal, and sea turtle skeletons.

The big thing about employers coming back from vacation is that the do tend to come up with things for you to do. They as a matter of course forget that you had the 'regular' work that you do.

Be careful because the next thing that will happen is that another staffer splits your job, only instead of having less to do, you end up with more to do because of the new stuff.

I should have been a superuser like my sister. For a job title, you just con't beat it.

I'd like to see a novel about a hardworking employee at the International Star Registry who becomes involved in a web of international astronomical intrigue (international intrigue always involves the web, you know) created by turf battles between rival star-namers. Ultimately, it leads all the way to the top, to the "elected" Officers of the International Astronomical Union, who have been employing leg-breakers and protection-racket policies to "unionize" the world's observatories and gain a stranglehold on astronomical information of import, such as the location of Near-Earth Asteroids and alien spaceships hiding in comet-tails (should any be discoverd). Our hero is aided in his quest by a plucky and deliciously attractive mainstream astronomer who has turned from the dark pull of the IAU to strike out on her own. In the novel's exciting culmination, as the Green Bank radio telescope grindingly turns toward yet another radio-bright active galaxy for more of the same damned incrememntal science, threatening to crush our hero, the plucky astronomer cleverly reprograms the unified target list of this and the world's other "Unionized" radio telescopes, rescuing our hero as the telescope drives toward a different azimuth, and inadvertently discovers radio signals from an extraterrestrial intelligence in the vicinity of Alpha Centauri B (the Alpha Cen that nobody ever thinks about). Because all the telescopes have become Unionized, but cleared crews were not on hand (since the IAU only anticipated another damned active galactic nucleus), the news immediately leaks to the world. The IAU is forced to disband, and responsibility for astronomical nomenclature and interstellar communication is put into the hands of the only ogranization left with the necessary competence and moral authority: the International tar

In the sequel: What They Said, and How It Affected Drycleaning Worldwide.

I'd like to see a novel about a hardworking employee at the International Star Registry who becomes involved in a web of international astronomical intrigue (international intrigue always involves the web, you know) created by turf battles between rival star-namers. Ultimately, it leads all the way to the top, to the "elected" Officers of the International Astronomical Union, who have been employing leg-breakers and protection-racket policies to "unionize" the world's observatories and gain a stranglehold on astronomical information of import, such as the location of Near-Earth Asteroids and alien spaceships hiding in comet-tails (should any be discoverd). Our hero is aided in his quest by a plucky and deliciously attractive mainstream astronomer who has turned from the dark pull of the IAU to strike out on her own. In the novel's exciting culmination, as the Green Bank radio telescope grindingly turns toward yet another radio-bright active galaxy for more of the same damned incrememntal science, threatening to crush our hero, the plucky astronomer cleverly reprograms the unified target list of this and the world's other "Unionized" radio telescopes, rescuing our hero as the telescope drives toward a different azimuth, and inadvertently discovers radio signals from an extraterrestrial intelligence in the vicinity of Alpha Centauri B (the Alpha Cen that nobody ever thinks about). Because all the telescopes have become Unionized, but cleared crews were not on hand (since the IAU only anticipated another damned active galactic nucleus), the news immediately leaks to the world. The IAU is forced to disband, and responsibility for astronomical nomenclature and interstellar communication is put into the hands of the only ogranization left with the necessary competence and moral authority: the International Star

In the sequel: What They Said, and How It Affected Drycleaning Worldwide.

Hmm, I must have hit some funny keyboard shortcut, since I wasn't ready to post that at all, much less twice. It was supposed to say "...the only organization left with the necessary competence and moral authority: the International Star Registry."

bc,

That's exactly why Joel is so despondent. His IAU idea was stolen. I've had one idea for a novel in my entire life. When living in the Philippines, I often heard rumors and legends about a lost shipment of WWII gold loot hidden in the jungle. It would make a great Indiana Jones style adventure.

Neal Stephenson used that legend as a major plot point in Cryptonomicon. I can't possible compete in that league. Now I got nothing.

Go right ahead with that novel, ScienceTim. It sounds exciting, and just like a good fall project.

RD, the worst thing about the wrapping paper fundraiser scourge (common to both public and private schools here) is the low rate of return. Our information tells us, breathlessly and with pride, that the school gets 50% profit on all orders! I'm going to see whether I can write a check that the Boy's school, rather than the system, will actually get. If so, I'll just write a check in lieu of sales. They'll probably make more money than they would if I took the sales packet to work and choir (our version of Boy Selling), and can keep it all. That's also my strategy for school auctions -- buy a ticket but don't go.

Good morning, friends. Well, JA, I'm the consumate sucker for doing the "school thing", and anything else that I can think of or someone else might think of. My weeks for the upcoming months are full. The only free day I will have is Friday and the weekends. I'm tired already, and have not started. I like what I do though, and don't enjoy sitting around doing nothing.

And I probably get on people's nerves, can't help it. Yet always willing to apologize, always.

Do hope your holiday was fun, and you got to do the summer thing to the max. Fall is on the way, and a little chilly air, although this morning during the walk the air was so thick I could hardly breath.

Will post the reading list Friday. Hopefully everyone will have their list together.
Science Tim your comments concerning how we might leave this world were funny, although the subject is not. I couldn't help but laugh.

Pat, this morning the lake look like a mirror, and the gray of the sky was three or four shades of gray. The sun was hidden, but one could see streaks of light trying desperately to come through. And the air was thick and muggy one almost had the urge to try and push it back with both hands. The grayness of the sky and the bright mirror shine of the lake moved me to pray and thank God for all His many creations in this world. I do wish I could tell you more Pat, but my skill at language lacks a lot, but hope this helps.

Have a good day, friends, and may God's blessings be many in your life. And hopefully you will come to know that God loves you so much more than you can imagine through Him that died for all, Jesus Christ.

Terminator function: the pop down list of responses first seen when the Terminator encountered the punks, and he dropped the f-bomb. I find myself mentally doing this opn those selected we-need-help-with-this occasions. Instead of dropping the f-bomb, simply say "How nice...but...(fill in your own previous commitment here). Intonation is key tfor the proper effect; a southern accent, with a tad of verbal acidity helps...

I have written four novels in my life. One is an absurdist science-fiction parody that I like. One is a humorous detetctive yarn that I wrote for my mother-in-law. One is a fantasy about dragons and horses for my daughter. The last is about a technical prodigy I wrote for my son. Unfortunately, outside of their target audience, their market appeal is very small. I learned the hard way that to get published you need an agent. To get an agent, well, you need to be published. Either that or really brilliant.

dooley -- will look at all those pics later. I did go to the slideshow but don't have time right now to look.

I'm extremely envious.

I am faced with having to pack up my few possessions, plus all my D%$N books (the hard part), rent a truck and pluck them all down in another apartment a few miles away. This is my September responsibility.

I'm starting to be a bit depressed that I could not go straight to Albuquerque from this apartment - but timetables and possible medical "stuff" precluded that.

Cassandra -- I don't have any children's books -- what other types of books could you use?

Gotta go -- (pick up a friend who will help me start boxing books)

Speaking of novels, I finished Dan Brown's Angels and Demons on the weekend.

I agree with the conventional wisdom that it is better than DVC. Like DVC, it reads somewhat like a novel rushed out following a successful movie, but I readily concede was a real page-turner for the last 1/3. Apparently Angels and Demons is in production to be a movie, and its storyline will lend itself very well to the big screen (as in, its already in screenplay format).

Readers that like their story lines and plot twists subtle are encouraged to find something else to read. By the end I would not have been surprised by a "Dallas" class plot twist indicating that the entire book to that point had been a dream.

Also like DVC, the travelogue aspect to the novel is fun. The setting to A&D is primarily the Vatican and the streets and monuments of Rome.

I have about 30 ideas for stories and novels on file, which is depressing in itself.

Better to claim that I ran out of time to write them, than to start one and run out of talent.

*Tim, don't forget the inventor who develops a plasma management system (PMS), and can use it to finely control atmospherics on the gas giants. With PMS, the gas giants can be used as huge billboards for (e.g. "Eat at Joe's", glowing on the side of Saturn). A huge battle erupts between Procter & Gamble and Pfizer over the Naming and Advertising rights to Jupiter.

Pfizer wins, and uses Jupiter to advertize their Visine product. Thir first step is to use their PMS to break up the oldest storm in the Solar System, and replace it with the slogan: "Visine: We got the Red Spot out."

bc

Thanks Cassandra, every little bit helps. Maybe when I write my book, I'll title it "What Color is the Sky?". I asked my daughter that question during sunrise on our last day in NC. She answered "It's pink with purple spots. No fever though" Maybe that's one reason creative people can find me amusing. My imagination is somewhat like a blank slate where you can paint your own thoughts. And I appreciate that.

My supervisor got a promotion and left the agency 2 weeks ago, so I inherited all his duties and responsibilities. Which means, of course, that I've been unofficially promoted to "dead wood" status.

SCC: too many misspellings in my 12:15 PM post to enumerate here.

Please trust that I didn't misspell them in my head. Its all my stupid fingers' fault.

bc

bc, LOL! You should never have given that story to WaPo's copyright mongers.

Um, actually, I think that Isaac Asimov already beat yiou to that particular idea with "Buy Jupiter." Aliens come to the solar system to inquire about renting the night side of Jupiter as a billboard. Hilarity ensues.

Don't worry, Dooley, I can make more.
I still have 29 more of 'em at least...

BTW, I checked out the pics from your trip, those are some spectacular photos, and I totally dig, er, like the fossils.

And the bones in the ground, too.

Ha, just kidding, Doc. That looked like a teriffic trip. Yes, I'm jealous.

bc

*Tim, wouldn't surprise me a bit if I inadvertently cribbed from Dr. A.

Can't recall the story per se, but with as many stories and books as he'd written, 'twas darn near inevitable that I'd get round to stealing from him at some point.

bc

Thanks, bc and Gunde. The boy on the donkey is my son. While we were loading supplies in Ocucaje, one of the local farmers gave him the donkey ride.

..way interesting photos, dooley. First prize to the "boy with donkey." Send that one to a Smithsonian contest, their annual contest.

I think Dooley's going to comment on the wormhole...

:-)

Incidentally, SciTim, I'm glad you posted again after your novel idea. With the abrupt ending I was wondering if those thugs at the IAU had got to you.

Great photos Dooley. Those dune photos were my favorites.

I see the time warp wormhole is alive and well.

I have tons of stories on file. One novel idea I think I need some actual skill first to write... not sure how to tell it yet. I got a novel I started 3 years ago, which my friends like. However, as RD padouk says, it can be challenging to be published.

The best route is likely to look for what fits you absolutely, write short stories for mags etc., so you feel like you know how the publishing game plays. I've written a little non-fiction for pay, but have not worked up the guts to complete a story and cold-submit it to a sci-fi magazine.

I couldn't imagine completing a novel after a few years and then going "oh, this is how the game works?" Even a tiny rep for being a published writer helps, I would hope.

By the way, Sci fi has moved on from the ray gun and spaceship genre.

(Joel, get with the times! I ain't gonna read no alien kidnapping stuff. Watching "Close Encounter of the Third Kind" ad nauseum has turned me off the "Aliens visit earth" concept.)

One recent Hugo winner (or nebula winner) is a story that I liked reading very much called "The Empire of Ice Cream", it's based on synthesia, ironically enough.

Unfortunately two novel ideas I do have are alas, space operas.

Robert Heinlein (I think in "The Man Who Sold The Moon") also suggested using colored dust to inscribe the moon with "8+" (read "7-Up") as a permanant visible billboard.

I am such a geek.

Maybe we should name the time warp wormhole (though I personally contend it is a small tear in the continuum - get out the needles and sew people)?

Achenrift?

Dooley, those were fantastic pictures. I am going back to them when no one is hoping I am working.

An excellent book, set in Jerusalem, is "Damascus Gate" by Robert Stone.

The protagonist is a down-on-his-luck freelance journalist who is in writers' block. He gets hooked up with a millenarian cult started by two mental patients. One is supposed to be the Jewish Messiah.

It's much more intellectual than Dan Brown's stuff. A lot of Kabbalah mysticism is involved in the millenarian cult; his accounts of the Palestinian refugee camps is heartbreaking.

Zionist fanatics bent on blowing up the Dome of the Rock (based on the actual attempt by a zionist fundamentalist group several decades ago) -- also figure heavily.

Anyway -- it's a great read.

No advertising space on Jupiter involved though.

Just finished "Sowing the Wind: The Seeds of Conflict in the Middle East" -- a very detailed history of mostly British involvement in the Middle East starting at the end of WWI after the whole area was pried loose from the dead Ottoman Empire.

It can be a bit dull in some places; every single treaty signed, every White Paper promulgated is described in detail -- but all this background clearly gives one a comprehensive view of how the mess that is the Middle East came to be.

The author, John Keay, a Scottish academic, tosses all this deadly history out with an irreverant, cheeky tone.

So, Dooley, is that a Cab or a Merlot you're drinking out there in the dunes?

It's not enough to just say no, even to repeatedly just say no. You have to lie. Big lies. The kind of lies that may land you in hell.

When my kid's swim team asks me to sign up to work the all weekend swim meet I always tell them I can't. My excuses range from my community service sentence to chemotherapy. If the team wants me to drive them to the out of town all weekend swim meet I remind them the community service sentence is for multiple DUI convictions.

You must be willing to tell huge lies. And write checks. They will always take a check.

SCC for clarity's sake, "get out the needles and sew, people"

Achenrift. Very nice.

I also liked the exhortation to get out the needles and sew people. It has the clarity of the type of ideas mentioned in the Kit, and also seems to fit in pretty well with my work flow on this might-as-well-be-a-Monday.

Hmmm, Ivansmom - I like your idea of just donating the profits. Sort of like protection money.

Pat, congratulations on your "promotion". This morning's early cloudy sky was gray, but lovely pink tendrils began to curl around the puffy little clouds. Now they look like fat white sheep without legs (okay, but really they do) and the sky is a nice unremarkable blue. It is no longer the washed-out faded blue of extreme heat, but we're not yet to that deep, sparkling blue of cooler weather. Thanks for giving me a chance to describe this without feeling unusually foolish. Normally I reserve this sort of thing for trips with the Boy.

might as well be a monday? come on, ivansmom, it's only 4 days till the weekend. that's fully 20 percent closer than a vast majority of mondays.

and in regards to achenrift, methinks that such a thing is probably much more complicated than the jump to the left and step to the right involved in avoiding the time warp wormhole.

Protection money is exactly right, RD. Remember, these things are run by folks who didn't use the Terminator function and are stuck doing the work for someone else's good idea. And yes, a big lie never hurts -- except that it gets them used to justification from you. I say, make no excuses, say "no" and hand over the cash.

I chop wood like a girl. There might be some females who can pitch and throw very well, but most of us just toss like, well, girls. This is how I chop wood.

However, when needing a new hatchet, and finding only the really pricey kind, I am a whole new wood chopping person.
http://www.fiskars.com/CA/en/Garden/Product+Detail?contentId=78663

I can chop the big unsplit hunks of wood they leave in the wood bin, no more picking the little stuff for me, I can chop through knots. I can make kindling fine enough that if pressed I could make you a toothpick. I can make shavings fine enough so that my usual entire-newspaper-to-start-a-fire will be no more. My grandmother, who cooked on a woodstove all her life, would be proud of me. I can confidently say I now can split wood like a GIRL.

If this is achievement season, I am woman, hear me roar.

Actually, the earth is hollow. There's been a huge government conspiracy to hide the truth.

I always volunteer to be the line judge for my kids' soccer games. It's the thought that counts, right?

Loomis, for some reason I can't remember what I was drinking! It was probably Pisco and Coke, but I ate and drank a number of things for which I never discovered a name, or an adequate description.

Mrs. D. once got an axe for Christmas, and used to be a softball catcher--and a good one, because she could make the throw to second so effectively.

She no longer plays softball, but every winter at the first snowfall a snowball fight ensues, in which Mrs. D. mows down everyone in site with a barrage of frozen projectiles thrown with the velocity and rapidity of a fully automatic cannon.

Rather than an insult, I tend to think of "she throws like a girl" to be a warning to run for cover.

Heads up, folks. We're on the home page. Y'all play nice now.

Dooley, don't drink too much of that stuff in Peru, wouldn't do for you to go careening around the Peruvian countryside completely Piscoed.

bc

I thought the worm hole was up this a.m, when all of these funny squares suddenly popped up at random on my screen, then just as mysteriously disappeared. It always happens that way, then the posts go whacko.

My own, self-imposed acheivement for the fall is to find a job. I quit my job at the end of July to spend time working on this house. My plan was to do what needed to be done in August and then job hunt in September. Things haven't worked out exactly as planned, but then, when do they? I still have a lot to do here, plus the kitchen remodel is scheduled to start the end of this week. I want to be around to keep an eye on it as I have learned from past building projects that things tend to go awry if you aren't around to oversee them. So this morning I worked on my resume by changing present tense to past tense in my last job description. My plan for this afternoon is to write up some sample cover letters while waiting for my kitchen cabinets to be delivered. I'd rather be stripping wallpaper. Whoops, cabinets came before I could implement my plan, decided to go with stripping the paper, after all, it needs to be done before they start work in the kitchen and now I can say that I have dared to do less!

Since Joel opened the floodgates on this achievement/volunteer thing, I'm putting my "dibbies" in:

For Cub Scouts, Joel will be my Wolf Den leader, with Scottienuke as the assistant. By the end of the year, that Den will be teaching Navy Seals how to do survival hikes. The Tiger Cubs Den could use Ivansmom, she's got Den mother written all over her. Besides, you need to be a Philadelphia sea lawyer to deal with first grade boys. We'll make it a real A-team here, and have PLS be her assistant. I've got the Bears and Weblos Dens covered.

Now for the Popcorn fundraiser. This sounds like a job for Loomis. Somebody with that drive, that energy, that don't-take-no-for-an-answer moxie. She'll do great. I've already got Storyteller Tim lined up for the Blue and Gold Banquet; gotta get a contract out to him, pronto. Wew, this PackMaster stuff just plain tuckers me out. Gotta go rest up while I'm looking like I'm working.

Speaking of work. Did anybody see that little filler piece by Vicki Evans in the print edition of the WaPo business section, right next to the Dilbert cartoon? It says that the average American worker wastes 2.09 hours per day, not counting lunch etc., in non-productive tasks, like blogging. Of all the nerve!!! Accusing me of working 6 hours a day. Who does she think I am? 'Mudge?

Well, Don, you're getting to the point you sound as good as Mudge does!

And I mean that as a compliment...like your idea for a scout den. I'll help with firefighter badge, I can do that!

Don;

Just think how easy it'll be for the Cubs to earn their Atomic Energy badge!

*LOL*

I think the flip side to the original kit subject is having to deal with the zealots. They're the ones who have been on the board/panel/committee forever (maybe even helped found it). They are some of the ones who do in fact get the work done. But they also belive that they are the only ones who know the True Word and will try to run rough-shod over any new-comer who might have the temerity to suggest new ideas. See also, the current resident at 1600 Penn Ave.

Thanks, Don from I-270, but I'm just not sure I'm den mother material. Don't you have to like other people's children for that? Or approve of the Boy Scouts? Really, I'm more the "settle disputes among yourselves because nobody will like my solution" type -- in fact, it works really well at sleepovers. Now, if you throw in PLS as Den Attorney, I'll be glad to act as Den Of Counsel.

I'm glad Don didn't tap me. I spent four years as Assistant Den Leader. That's the lowest rank you can have in Scouting and still wear the snazzy uniforms. I was really disappointed they make male Cub leaders wear the scouting khaki. For years I had dreamed of wearing the blue and gold demn mother outfit with the matching scarf.

That may be sharing too much.

yelljkt, hiding in plain sight.

Well done, sir.

bc

P.S. I think it was the cape that was too much, yelljkt. Well, maybe with the blue and gold saddle shoes.

Hey, Dooley, thanks for the photos. What a great trip! Like others who have posted, I'll view them later after catching up with all the stuff that I didn't get done last week. [pant, pant]

SCC: I meant to say "den mother". It was not a Freudian slipped attempt to bypass the Worty Dird Filterâ„¢.

btw, I have now been promoted to Band Booster Vice President In Charge Of Fund Raising. Anyone want to buy entertainment books, chocolate bars, cheesecakes, Tupperware, fruitcakes, or frozen turkeys? I also have plenty of openings for foursomes wanting to play in a golf tournament in Howard County. Date and location tbd.

yellojkt, for this year: "You are just the person I need to head this cheesecake committee." "I'm so glad I caught you at work -- I need your expertise on the book project." "With your connections, I know you can help me with site and publicity for the golf tournament."

For next year:

"No." "I'm sorry, I really can't this year." "I'm flattered by your confidence, but I just can't take on that obligation."

Repeat.

Whoops. Please don't make the cheesecake committee comment to an attractive mom. Then the Tiger Cub Den legal partnership would have to spring into action on your behalf. Also you might have trouble getting other volunteers.

Ivansmom, although arguably it might be worth the trouble for the future benefit of not being put in charge of cheesecakes anymore.

This is the part where I am really really glad that my kids are out of school, and that I have no grandchildren. I purchase dutifully from the neighbourhood kids, as their parents did for mine.

This is the nicest part of being the parent of kids out of school, even if some of them are currently suffering failure to launch.

I suffer from Only Child Guilt. Any activity of his I do not support is because I am too selfish and would prefer to have my free time remain free. I'd be going to all these outings and band competitions anyways. I might as well have a say in what happens.

Those are my rationalizations and I'm sticking to them.

I was Boy Scout troop popcorn chair for about three years until my son quit going. It took six phone calls and three e-mails to get un-volunteered. I had to take the firm stand that it was not my job to find my replacement.

Yello, you are the hoot of the day. If you really like that Den Mother / scarf stuff, you could consider joining the Brownies. :-)

Why I'm in Cub Scouting, the good Lord only knows. I don't have a son. We raised two girls, and decided to be an "all Girl Scout" family. So, I took all the Girl Scout Leadership classes, and my wife and I were troop leaders for our girls troops for a while. They have a bonafide men's leadership group, "Men in Green". Good stuff, great people.

I still get some really wonky looks when it comes up in conversation, "Oh, yeah, I was a Girl Scout . . . . . . . . Leader"

Aaah, back to reality. What a lovely weekend we had down in South Carolina...sun..sand..waves... my daughter thoroughly enjoyed herself, which I've come to find is the hallmark of a good vacation. My favorite moments were watching her discover the tidal pools as the tide went out, how excited she would get in the mornings getting ready to go out on the beach (jumping up and down and exclaiming, "bathing suit! bathing suit!") and seeing her running around until she ran out of breath and dissolved into fits of giggles with her 3-year-old cousin. This little beach vacation has put our San Francisco/Napa/Mendocino excursion of a few weeks ago to shame. :-)

Don,

You are what I call a "lifer". The noble people that maintain continuity to a volunteer organization long after their children have passed through. I admire these people, I just never intend to be one.

My son is a junior in high school and we are counting the months until our extracirricular involvement is over.

The Boy has engaged in several activities as he ages, and I'm sure it will just get worse. So far I'm happy to transport him to practices, and attend plays, games, fencing tournaments, etc., but I've neglected (benignly) to take positions of responsibility. My excuse, should anyone ask -- these are HIS activities. So far, everyone has bought it.

Wife again insisted I dump the audi caller ID on the phone. I told her no way, the other day the March of Dimes called, and thank God I could know that and have the presence of mind not to answer.

One year the MoD persuaded me to be their neighborhood canvasser and ask all my neighbors for money. All I had to do was send everybody a personalized bilking notice and wait for the money to come pouring in. I agreed. People started pestering me about the pay-to-the-order-of. They dropped off checks in the darnedest places. I vow I would never, NEVER, etc.

So every year they call and ask me to come back. And every year, feeling like a creep, I say, I'm sorry, I just CAN'T. Until this year and the audio caller ID. YES!

Once, when my son and I were dabbling in Cub Scouts, I was volunteered to be one of two Camp Naturalists who would take the kids out for nature walks and show them, er, things. The other Camp Naturalist was the real deal, and her kids got to know all about polliwogs and plantar's warts. My charges -- well, it was a nice, quiet walk.

It was great that my son got to go with the other naturalist so he could learn something, but having this work to do all day, I couldn't spend any time with my boy. (Not to mention take even ONE trip with the other naturalist to get some ideas!)

With limited time available to be with my boys, wife and I decided to gravitate toward groups and sports and activities where we could be genuinely together and get to know one another. This meant playing tennis over baseball, figure skating over hockey, chamber music over band practice. Worked well, and o so few calls to volunteer!

One more quickie. I'm not a community activist, but I play one at community meetings. A developer was proposing 93 homes on a 10-acre plot across the street from my house. Years of being ineffective at work paid off and I was able to put together a rag-tag group of neighbors, many of whom were great at suggesting things I could do to fight the development. I would always say, what a great idea, but I don't have that kind of time and would you please follow up on that? Within the space of two meetings, no one suggested anything anymore to me. It was great.

I returned the favor. I wrote short newsletters on our progress and delivered them door-to-door -- not a bad way to get some fresh air and say hi to some nice folks. The newsletters always stated the very minimum I would like people to do for the cause, like show up at county Planning Commission hearings and stand when asked. (While they were standing, I'd say to the commission, "You know, all these people would like to tell you how they feel, but I persuaded them that only I would talk. Is that okay with you?" Have you EVER seen a planning commissioner smile?? It's heart-stopping. We won every battle.)

We lasted seven years before the first trees fell to make way for the new homes. But only 17 homes are being built now. And nobody wasted their lifetimes fighting the developers. Because in each battle, we just cut to the chase. No wasted motions, no pointless activity.

Wow, that wasn't a quickie at all...

I'm empowering myself to be unempowered.

"With limited time available to be with my boys, wife and I decided to gravitate toward groups and sports and activities where we could be genuinely together"

Gene you struck a chord with me when you said this. Too many of us are busy taking young people here and there for all kinds of activities, when what our kids really need is our time. Sure they have fun, and enjoy all those things, but the gift of yourself to them is worth so much more in the course of their lives.

If life came with a do over, I'd prefer to be eating legumes, and playing in the dirt with my boys. Few things in life were so fine as watching my boys playing with their dinky toy cars in the old strawberry patch's good soft soil. That is, if I'd have had a choice.

"consummate"

Watching Katie do her thing with the news. Perky at six something. She just reminds me of perky, and for some reason perky is not what I like in the news. Yet I think it is great that she is doing the news solo. Another first for the ladies, and I always support such efforts.

Nelson, children's books are great, and if you don't have that, just plain old story books. Nothing too complicated, but something that tells a story. Perhaps after I post the list, you might get an idea of what I'm trying to say.

Pat, glad you enjoyed the description. It helps me too. We take so much stuff for granted, and we really shouldn't. My mother was blind, so I did a lot of talking and telling her about things. I miss doing that, as I miss her so much.

Nelson, most of the children I work with have a hard time reading, so something simple is what I'm still trying to say. I need some sleep, I'm getting so loopy. Maybe I've always been that way.

Hello Nani and Error.

I don't do the PTA thing at the schools, but I do try to buy the candy and other stuff they sell. It's hard to say no to the kids. Plus I like the candy, but don't need it. I keep candy in my purse because of my g-daughter and the little kids at church. It's a distraction. They love it, and so do I.

I'm supposed to go to one of my parent volunteer gigs tonight (a "board" meeting) but I'm really too busy with another volunteer gig to attend.

I'm afraid to stay home, though, because I might end up being assigned too many tasks if I'm not there to point to someone else.

Quick! Send a 'must read' mention with a reference to this blog to the current tenant of Le White House lest he gets another dumbass attack and follows Ronny the Menace and Crackpot Cheney into Persia, hot on the heels of Alexander The Great. DO LESS OH GREAT DECIDER!

Also tell him to please disinvite that Kazakh fascist from his personal maison. Thank you. Bon dieu!

Memo: Corporate Masters of the Washington Post
To: Joel
Re: Assignment

Joel, we've decided that what we really want you to tackle next is the innate absurdity of life as manifested in the inescapable conclusion that those with the most life experience are correspondingly doomed to have the least amount of time in which to apply this knowledge. We figure you can adequately explore this temporally-mandated conundrum in about 3000 words.
Please make it funny.

I respectfully submit that as of tomorrow when I go back to work after my vacation, my Achievement Season/Holiday will thankfully come to a close. In future I vow to say no to moving, say no to using holiday time to move. While we are thrilled with the new house I am exhausted from working around the house, battling to get phone, internet and TV installed, fighting monstrous vines that surround my house and yard. I have taken four bangs on the head, a small one resulting in a small cut.

At this moment works is looking pretty good and hopefully in the next few days I will get to read the previous kits and comments and laugh and REST!

Hope everyone enjoyed their last week of August despite the numerous annoyances the vacation was good.

I also need a little advice is anyone is available my youngest just instert some sort of pin in both holes of an electrical outlet, she is fine but is it safe to take out. I am a chicken with electricity.

dmd - in a perfect world you would identify which household circuit the outlet is on and then either pull the fuse or flip the circuit breaker to cut off the electricity. Then you would use pliers to pull out the pin. In a less than perfect world you would just put on a pair of rubber gloves, or wrap the handle of the pliers with heavy dry cloth, and pull out the pin.

dmd... congrats on the move. This has been a tough summer for you. I'm glad there's a new house to enjoy.

I'd say use some rubber gloves and pull the pins out but don't really listen to me. To quote my dad, "what the he11 do I know?"

dmd, congratulations on the new house! May it be a happy home.

Turn off the breaker to that circuit before you try to take the pin out. You are right to be chicken with electricity.

Thanks for the tips, this is one of those rare instances where I will say we will leave it till your Dad gets home, hopefully we can locate the fuse without having to shut down all the power.

It has been a long eventful summer and right now I am not going to take any unnecessary chances. I have had a tough time the last few days there was so much rushing around after the funeral to get ready for the move that dealing with loosing mom got pushed aside and I think that it is starting to catch up with me, time to relax and start dealing with the the void. My mom and I were never the type to call each other frequently but I always new I could. I so wish I could show her this house.

Nelson good luck with your move.

I got an email today from Dan Steinberg (which I almost deleted because I thought it was spam). He had the Turin blog during the Olympics, wrote a lot about cheese and curling (dr!). He's back, and he's pretty funny (sorry, Joel, no pressure) -
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/

Yes, it's the Sports "Bog", and he explains why in the first post.

Listening to Dylan's Modern Times, which I like a lot - some of it strikes me funny, although if I figure out the words, they're probably deep and dark. But the music is quite lively.

Hey! You guys better watch this slanderous and or libelous stuff about me working only six hours a day! Why, I could sue the pants and garter belts off some of you folks for defmation like that. Just because I'm on vacation and taking a much-deservedd break from my grueling daily workload doesn't mean I'm not checking in here from time to time, ya know!

In point of fact, most days I put in a good hour to hour and a half before lunch. My scheduling being tough as it ease, I usually eat lunch at my desk (reading Kurtz, Weingarten, Froomkin, Priest, etc.), nap a little, and put in another half hour to a full hour (!!) before knocking off for the day.

Six hours a day, my *^$@^$#. Hrrrmph.

Hey, Dooley, they got a lagoon named Moron? Sounds like just the place I should keep my boat.

The answer to the problem (hah!) of the boss coming back from vacation full of cockamamie ideas is to do exactly what I'm doing this week: take your vacation the week immediately following the week the boss goes away. That way, when the boss returns and starts trolling for people to make miserable, you'll be out of town and sipping beverages with umbrellas somewhere. No boss has the patience to say, "Just wait til Smithers gets back--boy, haved I got a project for him/her."

Now, to report in from the road: we really liked Beaufort, SC, and would consider moving there in a heartbeat. Neat little town. Two restaurant recommendations: in Beaufort, right on the river in the heart of town and a block from the bridge is a little joint called Plum's, on a side alley off Bay Street and facing on the riverwalk promenade they're building/renovating. Great sandwiches.

In a Charleston suburb called West Ashley (near Rt. 17 and Rt. 256) there's a great little place called The Triangle on Savannah Highway. Great food, great prices, and you can eat indoors or al fresco.

Caught the last 20 minutes of the "House" premiere, which looked good. Am now about to go jump into the hotel pool before bed; may also dip the Curmudgeonly corpus first thing in the morning before setting off on an arduous day of sight-seeing and shopping.

I don't know who killed the Black Dahlia, but my wife has ruthlerssly slaughtered a couple of Norfolk Island pines, and I rather callously neglected some sort of plant in a giant coffee cup that someone had given me for my office (I won it in a company Xmas trivia contest). CoD: either too much water, or too little water. And yes, I did too talk to it, but I don't think it appreciated my sense of humor and the occasional sarcasm I subjected it to. Because god knows, I sure wasn't working too hard to give it the inattention it deserved.

I missed Katie's debut; how was she?

Joel, as the person charged with naysaying around here, I can tell you right now your next idea for a kit, whatever it is, is just not going to work. Forget it. It sucks. Try something else. There, I've got that out of the way. Time now for that moonlight dip.

'Night, boodle.

Katie was ok - but for me, a few too many "new features". She started with Lara Logan in the debacle that is Afghanistan, then chatted with Tom Friedman about what the heck happened - then spent more time on Steve Irwin than on a Boeing bigwig going to Ford. She wasn't too gussied up - kind of "looked her age" - but she has a way of tilting her head that kind of bugs me. Have I mentioned how much I liked Bob Schieffer?

BTW, there's a typo in the first line of the Kit - you can tell the copy editors are on vacation!
"and so no inflexibly"

Sigh.

mudge asked "I missed Katie's debut; how was she?"

Orange. They left her in the oven too long.

Great pictures, Dooley! Thanks. Of course, what I want to know is, what are the blue flowers in the first picture (ageratum?), and what are the purple ones in the group photo near the end? And were those penguins? Fabulous sand dunes - and the Nazca lines - wow. Looked like your kid was having a great time.

As they aren't dandelions, I have no idea what the flowers are. But some of the birds are Humbolt penguins, which live in small populations along the coast They're protected, and apparently not seen all that often--we were lucky. This was my third trip to Peru, but the first time I've ever seen penguins (other than fossil ones).

Hilarious, incredibly great point.

great pics, dooley. and sandboarding...for me another "learn something new every day" moment.

This isn't terribly surprising, but make of it whatcha will...

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/06/us/06florida.html?hp&ex=1157601600&en=f99603a1c3c461bd&ei=5094&partner=homepage

:-)

I think I'm typically a day late (or more) and a dollar short, but happy birthday, scotty.

I think we all took care of that stuff last week, 'Mudge. But thanks. :-)

Hey 'Mudge, you didn't tell us you were being syndicated!! *L*

http://money.cnn.com/2006/09/06/technology/bc.media.google.history.reut/index.htm?cnn=yes

I guess you'll be picking up the BPH tabs from now on...

:-)

Hmmmmmm. I may have to consult my lawyers!

Joel, you wrote i.e. when you should have written e.g. Sorry.