Network News

X My Profile
View More Activity

Beware of Moose

I cannot reveal at this time the precise assignment that has me in the Granite State, because it would be unwise to let the competition know how desperate the newspaper has become for material. Better to let them worry that I'm onto something big, rather than bottom feeding. Ninety percent of the game is keeping the other guy guessing.

Also one's own supervisors. The key to success in the modern economy is to create confusion among the management. This was how I was able to disappear completely during 1998. Totally gone, and no one noticed.

The presidential candidates are getting thick around here. I saw Obama yesterday at an apple orchard, and he was, I thought, in midseason form. Very relaxed in his pale blue shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbow. I may file something to The Trail about that, but maybe everyone has heard enough about Obama already. What I noticed was that his answers tended to be so nuanced, so thoughtful, that I wanted to shout, "Too substantive! Come one, this is supposed to be POLITICS."

And I caught up with Hillary today at the opera house in Derry. She talked about economic issues in front of a huge banner saying "Rebuilding the Road to the Middle Class." I viewed those words as a direct threat. Though an objective observer might categorize me as on the snobby upper end of the Middle Class, my goal has always been to leave the Middle Class far, far behind. I want to shed all cultural Middle Class artifacts. My Honda Accord. My strangely proliferating pairs of Dockers. My lawn obsession. My grumpy opinions about These Kids Today. My favorite chair where I read Scientific American and The Wall Street Journal.

My reflexive desire to put everything into index funds.

Although Obama and Clinton were both impressive, the politician who really stole the show this week was Doris "Granny D" Haddock, who ran for the U.S. Senate in 2004 at the age of 94. A new HBO movie tells her story, and its premiere was Tuesday night in Keene. I'll definitely write something about it later -- if you're interested in citizen activism and long-shot politics, or just want to know what it's like to be a nonagenarian running for the Senate, you'll love this flick.

The drive back from Keene was dicey. It was raining. The two-lane country road meandered through the mountains. Eighteen-wheelers would materialize in the darkness and seemingly occupy the entire road. But the traffic wasn't my concern. I kept thinking about something I was told before I left Keene:

"Watch out for the moose."

It was unclear if this referred to a single moose or multiple moose. The word on the street was that someone had been killed by a moose collision on the Turnpike. I wondered to myself, "What was a moose doing on the Turnpike?" and instantly realized the answer: "About two miles an hour."

"Keep an eye out for any black shapes in the road," one of my traveling companions, a state official, told me.

But the road was black, the woods were black, the sky was black -- the night was black.The number of photons reaching my rods and cones numbered in the low two figures.

It wasn't even my car, but I wanted to drive, and take my chances with my own hands on the wheel. Though not technically nervous (I've driven in tough conditions in New Hampshire many times), I did ponder the kinetic energy that would be dispersed and dispensed and dissipated should car collide with moose. One calculates inertial forces, vectors, trajectories, frictional resistance. How much would depend on the age of the animal? Or when it comes to moose, is there not a lot of variability? A moose is a moose is a moose, one guesses.

I do not fear death, but hope that when it comes the circumstances do not strike people as slightly silly. "Death Be Not Silly" is my mantra. Please, let the end not involve an escalator or an elevator or -- I hesitate to type the words -- lawn darts.

By Joel Achenbach  |  October 10, 2007; 4:14 PM ET
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Grubby Campers and Human Evolution
Next: The Primary Decider


Can I be... first?

Posted by: Yoki | October 10, 2007 8:59 PM | Report abuse

'Pears so, Yoki.

Posted by: Kim | October 10, 2007 9:02 PM | Report abuse

I remember reading about Granny D in The Post some time back. I want to love her. I really do. He cross country walk to support the admirable cause of campaign reform is truly epic.

And I guess I do love the *idea* of her. A woman doing so much in her 10th decade is profoundly inspiring. It's just that the specifics of some of her stated beliefs and bizarre conspiracy theories leave me curling my toes with discomfort.

But I guess that's why she is called colorful. As in a vivid glowing maelstrom of psychedelic hues.

And I suppose she has certainly earned that right.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:19 PM | Report abuse

Why did Jumper say Wilbrod would be alone in the woods rustling leaves? There be bears, wolves, and deer out here, man. It's in my contract I always go along on any woodsy stuff, to hear and sniff and all.

After all, how else will I finish my grand opus: "Leaves of Trees V: Stopping along the snowy woods for a sniff and a tinkle?"

What does Jumper know that I don't know? I mean, we were just out on a walk just now, and I was on top form, and the gnome seemed normal...

Man, my brain is smoking, I better go vent my ears with a hind paw or two.

Posted by: Wilbrodog | October 10, 2007 9:23 PM | Report abuse

My apologies, apparently Wilbrodog ate some funny-smelling plants recently. He was saying the walk earlier was "way groovy".

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 10, 2007 9:26 PM | Report abuse

Lawn darts, man. They was cool. My grandfather had a set called "Jarts." We would spend many a happy summer afternoon playing with them. The fear of imminent impalement just added to the excitement.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:29 PM | Report abuse

Good kit Joel. I've driven many parts of Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine and New Brunswick. I've seen tons of Moose Crossing signs. I have never seen a Moose. This upsets me, as I would love to see one, but I don't want to collide with one as I know who'll still be breathing afterwards and it won't be me. I do love your comment about dying silly and I agree, but I also don't want to die boringly (is that a word?).

Posted by: Bad Sneakers | October 10, 2007 9:30 PM | Report abuse

Moose are just inherently humorous animals. I think it is that long drawn out vowel, such as found in other whimsical words like Altoona. Or Autumnal. The thought of an autumnal moose near Altoona will keep me entertained for hours.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:35 PM | Report abuse

RD, argyle gargoyle.

Posted by: Bad Sneakers | October 10, 2007 9:38 PM | Report abuse

These Dockers of which you speak. Are they pleated?

Just wonderin'

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:38 PM | Report abuse

BS - as in the Gargling Gargoyle Angus McGonickle as they gargled Gershwin?

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:41 PM | Report abuse

Mark Hamill on the Muppet Show. Sadly though, no moose were involved.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:42 PM | Report abuse

My personal road kill encounters do not include a moose, but two deer, one buzzard in the windshield, a tire ripping 'gator, numerous armadillos, a few 'possum and very nearly, a republican.

Posted by: S | October 10, 2007 9:45 PM | Report abuse

Oh, my!

Posted by: Yoki | October 10, 2007 9:45 PM | Report abuse

"Roadkill Republican" is available as a boodle name.

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 10, 2007 9:52 PM | Report abuse

RD, not sure, was he wearing socks?

Posted by: Bad Sneakers | October 10, 2007 9:53 PM | Report abuse

"Moose Free or Die"

Gotta go . . .

Posted by: bill everything | October 10, 2007 9:58 PM | Report abuse

I vaguely recall seeing a Moose loitering by the road in British Columbia's Fraser Valley sometime in the summer of 1969. There was something distinctly disdainful in the way it watched us as we drove by. I guess it possessed that innate sense of superiority common amongst all large ruminants.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 10, 2007 9:58 PM | Report abuse

Driving hazards on the black, moonless roads of rural America increase from south to north. Ruminants grow larger in proportion to colder climates, and the reverse is true of reptiles. Global warming may balance the road hazards.

Posted by: S | October 10, 2007 9:59 PM | Report abuse

If whitetail deer, which are what we have around here, can total a car in a collision (which they do), I do not wish to contemplate what a moose would do to a vehicle.

I saw a herd of moose walking on the outskirts of town at Estes Park, CO one September evening. Magnificent animals. Not to be trifled with, in any way.

Posted by: Slyness | October 10, 2007 10:20 PM | Report abuse

I think I saw a moose in Maine - Baxter State Park. It's so long ago that I might be making it up. I know I wanted to see a moose, and we had been camping for a couple weeks before we did. Guess we were very dirty and quiet by then.

Saw John Edwards on the Lehrer report tonight - good interview - he makes so much sense. (Did anyone else see NCIS last night, with the Tom Lehrer song clue? And did you notice how blue Mark Harmon's eyes are?)

dbG, I love your "bear with furniture" phrase - that describes us perfectly! And believe me, I was glad I had been honest when boodling about my house and environs. No illusions of grandeur here. I'm sure you and Yoki will have a great time, and the weekend BPH should be a blast. Wish I could be there too!

Posted by: mostlylurking | October 10, 2007 10:27 PM | Report abuse

SCC - Should that be "delusions" of grandeur? Sigh.

Posted by: mostlylurking | October 10, 2007 10:28 PM | Report abuse

Slyness I think it is fair to say that there is rarely a good outcome when a vehicle and moose collide. I saw one once in a marsh on the highway leading from Jasper to Lake Louise. We stopped to watch, such beautiful creatures - but very very large.

We too had lawn darts at my grandparents, I have many many cousins, it is quite amazing that we didn't have any "accidents".

Posted by: dmd | October 10, 2007 10:39 PM | Report abuse

Yes, they are beautiful the way Yak and Muskoxen are. And they'd sooner stomp you to death than look at you. Never mess with a moose (this comes from sad personal experience).

You know the old Canadian joke?

A FOB Scotsman walks into a tavern and sees a stuffed moose-head over the bar in Montreal. He does a double-take and then exclaims to the bartender, "What in the dear lord's name is that?!"

The bartender says, "That, my dear, my old son, is a moose."

The Scotsman contemplates this for a bit, and then replies, "Well, if that's a moose, I'd hate to see yer rats!"

Posted by: Yoki | October 10, 2007 10:50 PM | Report abuse

I like that apt phrase, but I doubt a bear would have furniture for long, the story of Goldilocks notwithstanding.

Rabbits would, and I understand they like to decorate with clutter. Ask RD.

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 10, 2007 10:50 PM | Report abuse

Do tell about your personal experience. I understand moose frequent a golf course in Canada and can be downright dangerous in rutting season, which should logically make it the toughest golf course-- moose hazards and all.

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 10, 2007 10:52 PM | Report abuse

If I'm not mistaken, "I saw a herd of moose walking on the outskirts of town at Estes Park, CO one September evening" was a line from Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London," wasn't it?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 10, 2007 10:54 PM | Report abuse

A golf course? *A* golf course? No no no. In my land, golf courses are frequented by moose in the east, and grizzlies in the west. It is a small price to pay to play in the land where moose and antelope play.

Most golf clubs in the Rockies have "Bear Drills." We learn to high-tail it to the club house when the bears are on the green.

Posted by: Yoki | October 10, 2007 10:56 PM | Report abuse

In other words... I will visualize your place, dbG as a honorary Bunny Bunker, complete with friendly black lab-types as sentries.

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 10, 2007 10:57 PM | Report abuse

'Mudge, you cracked me up.

Night all. See some of you tomorrow, and the next day.

Posted by: Yoki | October 10, 2007 10:57 PM | Report abuse

Then my work here this evening is done, Yoki. Good night and, as Ingrid Bergman once whispered in my ear, Swede dreams.

Good night, mein Boodle.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 10, 2007 11:04 PM | Report abuse

'Night 'Mudge.

Posted by: Yoki | October 10, 2007 11:24 PM | Report abuse

I'm watching Moose: Shy Monarchs right now. So THAT's what moose are. They look awfully scary, muddy, and smelly. I think I prefer giraffes.

Posted by: Wilbrodog | October 10, 2007 11:55 PM | Report abuse

So I get home after a long night and evening at work,turn on the tube and there is a program on about Moose. Come back and check the boodle and you guys are talking about Moose. Pretty ironic if you ask me. Now if I could just figure out what it means?

Posted by: greenwithenvy | October 11, 2007 12:25 AM | Report abuse

hey boodle night owls and west coast peeps.

i saw a moose mother and child in the middle of two lane highway in the grant tetons area. fortunately an 18-wheeler coming the other way had seem them first and come to a complete stop, so our car was able to see them easily.

Posted by: L.A. lurker | October 11, 2007 1:12 AM | Report abuse

i forgot to say that i wish i could be in philly. please post some pics y'all.

Posted by: L.A. lurker | October 11, 2007 1:17 AM | Report abuse

Just visited Thing 1 for a few days. A really good trip.

RD, I loved that description 'a vivid glowing maelstrom of psychedelic hues.' Mind if I use that one?

Wilbrod/Yoki, when I was at the Banff Springs Hotel in the late 80s/early 90s, the moose were a big problem on the golf course (yipes!). Shoot, they were everywhere. But that a long time ago.

Another thought...up here, deer are everywhere. But you always know it's never alone...if you see one, there's another one you're not seeing. Is that the same with moose? Always? Or do they just not blend in that well?

Hope to catch up soon, and hope all is well.

Posted by: LostInThought | October 11, 2007 1:27 AM | Report abuse

We don't have moose around here but I quite often see iguanas trying to cross the 4 lane highway I frequently travel. They take their own sweet time crossing highway like it belongs to its grandfather. Wait. A few years back it did belong to its grandfather.

Posted by: rainforest | October 11, 2007 1:27 AM | Report abuse

Yipes! SCC: Visited Thing 2, not Thing 1!

Posted by: LostInThought | October 11, 2007 1:29 AM | Report abuse

i meant to say grand tetons not grant tetons, although technically it should be the tetons or grand teton national park or whatever.

Posted by: L.A. lurker | October 11, 2007 1:52 AM | Report abuse

Today might be the last day Ramadhan. It will depend on whether the moon is sighted tonight. If the moon is sighted tonight (Thursday), tomorrow (Friday) will be Hari Raya Adil Fitri, a public holiday for us. If not, Saturday will be Adil Fitri.

According to the ethnic Chinese here, there is no moon to be sighted on the 1st day and the 15th day of the lunar calendar. For those working people who want to know if the next day might or might not be a holiday, they'd check with a calendar that has Chinese lunar dates on it (some Gregorian calendar has both Islamic dates and lunar date on them). According to the lunar calendar, today (11 Oct 07) is the 1st day of the 9th Moon. So tonight should be a moonless night. We'll see. The last few years, moon sighting dates for ramadhan and Adilfitri fell on the 1st day of the lunar month. Out of curiosity and just to see if what the Chinese said is correct, I tracked it and it seemed to be correct - no moon on the 1st day of the lunar calendar.

I'm glad Ramadhan is coming to an end. If it last for another week, I'm going to need a new wardrobe becuz of all the food I ate.

Posted by: rainforest | October 11, 2007 2:13 AM | Report abuse

Wish you were here too, mostly, LA!

The phrase *living like a bear with furniture* comes from Rita Rudner, and it refers to living without drapes, pictures, a minimum of decorating. Clutter might be some part of it, but minimal decorating is key. :-)

Posted by: dbG | October 11, 2007 4:01 AM | Report abuse

Good morning,friends. I'm up,not moving about. I've been up for a long time. Don't know why sleep eludes me tonight. Hands look like if I stuck a pin in them, all the air would come out. Better not try that.

Will the Republican candidate win the nomination by referring to Ronald Reagan a hundred times? The man is dead, can't these alive folks do their own work?

We don't have moose here, but we have deer. And families of them usually take to the roads and highways. Hitting one is like hitting a train, so I'm told, never experienced that and don't want to. I am very aware of them when driving, especially at night.

I have a friend that lurks here sometimes, and she is getting ready to do the walk for cancer. I believe it is a 60 miles walk and camping in between(not sure about that number). She has asked me to ask my friends here to pray for her that she is able to do this. I believe the walks are wonderful and the cause is without question a good thing.

Got the official numbers on the mayorial race in the community I talked about yesterday. Only five votes between the incumbant(?) and the other guy running for that office. Sounds like another vote might come up.

Morning, Mudge, Slyness, Scotty, and all.*waving* Good to hear from you Martooni. And you, Raysmom. I need a vacation real bad. I do, just can't do it now.

I think both candidates(Hillary and Obama) need to pay more attention to the folks here in the South, and particulary African-Americans. If by some chance we go to the polls and vote, and that has been known to happen, our vote might very well put that person in office. Of course, most candidates think they have our vote locked in, don't need to exert the energy. We're sort of confined in our choices. We know the Republicans want nothing to do with us, so that kind of leaves them out, and limits our selection to some degree. The reference to Ronald Reagan does not make us warm and cozy. He's the guy that offered to stand in front of the school house door.

Got to go. I'm going back to bed when the bus leaves. I cannot fight the laundry room this morning. Too tired, and too sleepy.

Yesterday, I did the spray and candle thing for the community room. It sort of worked, just a slight lingering odor of the rats. That building probably needs to be torn down, and that whole spot cleaned with some chemical. I'll bet if one tore the building down, one would find a city of rats under that slab of concrete.

JA mentioned in the kit dying, and the form he prefers to go in. I don't know if we have much control over that. Yes, one could take a gun and do the job or use some other deadly means, but ruling that out, what's left but taking your chances with what God has in store for you. We know these bodies are going to give way on us, we're just not sure how fast and with what. I suspect some of us would prefer to just sleep away, and miss the sight of it coming on. Others of us may want to meet the death angel, and be very aware of what is going on, as if we're going to write a book and tell everybody about it. I think I would just like to not be afraid. This is my prayer, to trust God and Christ even in the terrors of death.

Enjoy your day.

God loves us so much more than we can imagine through Him that died for all, Jesus Christ.

Posted by: Cassandra S | October 11, 2007 5:00 AM | Report abuse

It's amazing the news one finds at this hour... *L*

Runaway trains (I've actually been at that yard, and I can't really say it's "downhill" the way they describe):

And runaway journalists!

Amazing they can't see the problem... *SIGH*

*almost TGIF Grover waves* :-)

Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 5:04 AM | Report abuse

Hey Cassandra!!! *HUGSSSS* :-)

Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 5:07 AM | Report abuse

Cassandra, good to hear about your friend. If she's still short of the $2K+ she needs to raise for the walk, send her web donation to me or all of us? I raised over $5K for this last year.

It's a 3-day, 60 mile, camping every night for Komen?

Posted by: dbG | October 11, 2007 5:16 AM | Report abuse

Cassandra, go back to bed and rest up! You deserve to do that today.

G'morning, everybody. It's very quiet at my house this morning, as Mr. T is in Denver. He was not flying his airline of choice so he was in the cheap seats. This particular airline has a program that provides 5 extra inches between rows for $30 more, so he jumped on that for one leg of the journey and was much more comfortable, he said. On the other leg, he was in the cattle section and a woman in front reclined her seat almost into his face. I thought about Weingarten's comments. Fortunately, the flight wasn't overly long.

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 7:07 AM | Report abuse

LostInthought. I am flattered that you enjoyed the phrase. You are, of course, quite welcome to use it. Naturally I must point out that one day, and this day may never comes, a favor may be asked of you.

And to those who get the dead wood edition of the WaPo. Check out the picture of Hillary's Derry speech on A4. Somewhere in that crowd might be our intrepid ringmaster, Joel. It is sort of like "Find Waldo" but with flyaway hair.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 11, 2007 7:30 AM | Report abuse

Morning all

Lit I think that was probably Elk on the Banff Golf course, Elk are everywhere in that area in large herds and they care little for people, not unlike the Canada Geese here.

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 7:36 AM | Report abuse

Hi Rainforest,

Your animal sightings always charm me. In the foothills of the Sierra Nevada in the 70s I saw a slew of spiders, furry Tarantula-type, walking across the road. We stopped and watched, but didn't feel like getting out of the car.

You may be interested to know that a group of students joined in the Ramadan fast for one week. Toward the end, they were invited to break the fast for the evening with a Muslim group who worship near campus. I wonder if next year, I might do that with them. I am used to Friday fasts and simple, limited meals, but have not fasted in that strict manner.

Posted by: College Parkian | October 11, 2007 7:47 AM | Report abuse

And the Nobel for Lit goes to:

Doris Lessing.

Posted by: College Parkian | October 11, 2007 7:48 AM | Report abuse

JA: I did ponder the kinetic energy that would be dispersed and dispensed and dissipated should car collide with moose. One calculates inertial forces, vectors, trajectories, frictional resistance. How much would depend on the age of the animal? Or when it comes to moose, is there not a lot of variability?

There is also the issue of aspect. If the moose is facing the car, you have a chance of an heroic death - impaled on an antler. If it's facing the other way, it's the other thing - you know.


Posted by: strum | October 11, 2007 8:11 AM | Report abuse

Tips for avoiding Moose while driving,

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 8:16 AM | Report abuse

Imagine bc and Mudge in an MGB (it might be red, it might be yellow) racing down a two lane rural back road and threading through the moose's legs like Luke Skywalker would an Imperial Walker in a snowspeeder.

Oh wait, we already did this whole moose thing. Apparently it is a recurring theme on the Achenblog....

Posted by: omni | October 11, 2007 8:42 AM | Report abuse

In Banff or thereabouts, elk have their very own lane on a local bridge. They use it.

Thinking of death, I wonder whether moose sometimes get swallowed by peat bogs and end up nicely tanned and preserved, like the bog men from places like Denmark and Ireland.

Posted by: Dave of the Coonties | October 11, 2007 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Moose are just giant deer. And deer are just Rodents Of Unusual Size. With Antlers. For many years my commute took me through Patapsco State Park. The end of Daylight Saving Time coincided with deer mating season, making the drive home in the dark particularly treacherous. Despite some close calls I never hit any, but there was frequent roadkill evidence of drivers not as fortunate as me.

Hopefully WaPo pays for the car rental and covers moose damage.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 11, 2007 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Couldn't resist this story of a Moose/Car collision in the news today, driver survived.

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 9:19 AM | Report abuse

Posted by: omni | October 11, 2007 9:20 AM | Report abuse

That link I gave is a moose warning sign from NH.

Posted by: omni | October 11, 2007 9:24 AM | Report abuse

There was a very obscure Zevon sequel song called "Weremoose of Bangor"

I saw a weremoose with a lobster roll in his hand
Walking through the streets of Kenenbunk
He was looking for a place called Allison's Wharf
Going to get himself a big bowl of clam chowder
Weremoose of Bangor

He's the big-antlered bloke who ran amuck in York
Lately he's been overheard in Gardiner
Better stay off the backroads
He'll rip your car apart, Joel
I'd like to meet his barber
Werewolves of Bangor

Posted by: yellojkt | October 11, 2007 9:24 AM | Report abuse

The hubby was golfing in Big Sky, Montana a couple of years ago and was having a difficult time close to some trees and bushes. He heard some rustling and turned to find a "gargantuan" moose arising out of the brush. He said he did not get a warm fuzzy from their eye contact. He gave up on the ball and sauntered away, although he says he probably wasn't really sauntering.

rainforest - it's always interesting to hear about the goings on in your neck of the woods.

dbG, Yoki and all - have a wonderful time, I wish I could be there.

Cassandra - I'll keep a good thought for your friend's endeavor. Very impressive.

Last but not least, the boodle seems to be on topic all the time. Some Norfolk folks discovered the unpleasantness of fires on boats.

Posted by: Kim | October 11, 2007 9:26 AM | Report abuse

SCC: Change "wolves" to "moose" in the last line.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 11, 2007 9:27 AM | Report abuse

According to our favorite source, Wiki, the moose range is virtually all of Canada, most of Alaska, portions of Washington and Oregon, and most of New England. So there might be moose sightings in Banff, but not in Estes Park. That's elk country. Elk can get almost as hefty as moose.

Posted by: ebtnut | October 11, 2007 9:39 AM | Report abuse

All that (camp)fire and no marshmallows, what a shame. Another s'mores anyone?

Posted by: Don from I-270 | October 11, 2007 9:42 AM | Report abuse

Another campfire-related seagoing conflagration, Kim. And you guys probably thought I was kidding.

I just had a thought/question pop into my head: does a weremoose come around at night and suck all the lichens off your antlers?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 9:43 AM | Report abuse

But ebtnut, everyone *knows* there's no such thin g as a wereelk.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 9:44 AM | Report abuse

I think I saw a moose once but it was probably an elk. Since everyone else seems to have resisted the temptation, let me just say, Rocky & Bullwinkle.

I initially sympathized with Joel's fear of End by Lawn Darts, but on reflection I'm not sure that's a bad way to go. At least I'd be sure that, in future, when speaking of my untimely demise people would have a smile on their faces (however involuntary).

Posted by: Ivansmom | October 11, 2007 9:45 AM | Report abuse

Posted by: Anonymous | October 11, 2007 9:48 AM | Report abuse

Posted by: Anonymous | October 11, 2007 9:49 AM | Report abuse

Backskimming. Jarts were a blast. My bro's and I would take turns seeing who could throw downward hardest and bury one furthest into the ground. Alternatively, throw one highest upward, sometimes with multiple Jarts. Mumbledy peg was another option. I understand that Jarts were taken off the market because these uses were deemed dangerous. Feh. Just fun.

Posted by: jack | October 11, 2007 10:07 AM | Report abuse

I thought all wereelks were named Lawrence for some reason...


Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 10:08 AM | Report abuse

Lawrence Wereelk? Wasn't he the guy who had the Lovely Lemur Sisters on his show every week?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Doris Lessing wins the Nobel Prize! Yay! And she's still alive and writing. I first read "The Golden Notebook" back in the 70's and it, more than anything I have read before or since, made me think that I knew a little about what it feels like to be a woman. Richly deserved honor.
As far as the topic of the day, after encounters on foot with moose in Wyoming, on Isle Royale in Lake Superior, and now Alaska, I have to say that moose are one of the very few animals which as adults and even as juveniles have not a smidgen of cute. No "Awwwwwwww" factor at all. Zip, zilch, nada.

Posted by: kurosawaguy | October 11, 2007 10:20 AM | Report abuse

A character in Palahniuk's "Fight Club" was called "The Big Moosie". There might have been a connection to the Portland police chief by that name, the one who later migrated to Montgomery County.

Bullwinkle. Could an elk be a bullwinkle? Never.

Then again, people don't usually swim at marshy lake edges where they might encounter moose. I just don't see a Jaws scenario.

Posted by: Dave of the Coonties | October 11, 2007 10:33 AM | Report abuse

I would not discount the possibility of moose in Colorado. I have had moose encounters in Yellowstone and while canoeing the Snake River in Grand Teton NP. Although both are in Wyoming, Estes Park is not that far or that different.

Posted by: kurosawaguy | October 11, 2007 10:37 AM | Report abuse

I dated a moose, once.

Posted by: Don from I-270 | October 11, 2007 10:38 AM | Report abuse

Play that funky moose-ic, 'Mudge...


Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 10:44 AM | Report abuse

The Star Wars/Cannonball Run mash-up from last year:

There do seem to be some perennials here on the Achenblog.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 11, 2007 10:45 AM | Report abuse

dbg, it is the three day walk for breast cancer. I think she has raised the money for the walk. I can't remember, but I will find out. And thanks so much for the offering. I miss walking. The g-girl and I go down the street in the morning and walk back up. Not far, but it is exercise, and it is walking. Of course, she runs sometimes. I don't try that. It would be my luck to fall trying to run, and then someone would come outside and say, what's with the elephant in the robe? You know what I mean?

Can't sleep around here. I tried to get a nap, and the door bell rang. My neighbor with her coffee cup, talking about grits and eggs. She's looking for breakfast. And after she left, the phone rang, and rang. Still ringing.

I have an appointment with the hearing-aid guy this afternoon. I hope he doesn't push me out of the office. The last time I was over there, he seemed to be in a big hurry. And he had the door locked too.

Posted by: Cassandra S | October 11, 2007 10:46 AM | Report abuse

CP, I fast from 8:30pm to 8:30am daily. :-)

It's on the news. Tomorrow will be a working day. Hari Raya Aidilfitri will be on Saturday. It's a clear moonless night with 2 tiny lonely stars. Hari Raya is a 2-day public holiday. Monday will replace Sunday so I'll have a 3-day weekend. Whoopee.

Posted by: rainforest | October 11, 2007 10:46 AM | Report abuse

Joel, while you're wandering around admiring the foliage and dodging the wildlife, try to work in a side trip to St. Johnsbury, Vermont and take in the Fairbank Museum and the Athenaeum. Both built by 19th century magnates in an effort to uplift and educate the community, both architectural gems inside and out. The museum is a wonderful example of the Victorian "cabinet of curiosities" style of exhibit. Most of cases haven't been changed in 100 years and contain everything from stuffed birds of New England to an autograph letter from RL Stevenson to a local missionary's young daughter.

Posted by: kurosawaguy | October 11, 2007 10:51 AM | Report abuse

A møøse ønce bit my sister.

Posted by: PythonTim | October 11, 2007 10:52 AM | Report abuse

"The key to success in the modern economy is to create confusion among the management" is worthy of enshrinement as a law. If modesty prevents you from eponymizng it, I suggest it be dubbed Pulver's Law, after Ensign Pulver, a character in the WWII melodrama "Mister Roberts," who doesn't meet the captain of the small cargo vessel he serves until he's been aboard for 14 months and then tells the captain he's the officer "in charge of laundry and morale."

Posted by: bookishly | October 11, 2007 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Møøse bites can be very bad.

Posted by: PythonTim | October 11, 2007 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Whew. For a second there, Scotty, I was afraid you might be goin' with "Play that funky moose-ic, Wide Boy."

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Yes, there's moose in Colorado

Posted by: Dave of the Coonties | October 11, 2007 11:13 AM | Report abuse

We have a boodler/lurker whose handle is Moose. And, she (I think that is right) lived in my fair city.

Rainforest: funny!

Posted by: College Parkian | October 11, 2007 11:14 AM | Report abuse

Good one, Tim. Lucky I didn't have a mouthful of coffee.

Posted by: jack | October 11, 2007 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Mudge, I had to laugh when I read that post to Scotty. I thought that song was something else during its time. It had a good beat, even though the words were strange.

Where is every one today? Out looking for the beast?

Posted by: Cassandra S | October 11, 2007 11:19 AM | Report abuse

Was your sister bitten only once, or is she two-bit?

Mornin' Casandra. *Big smile*

Posted by: Don from I-270 | October 11, 2007 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Moose may not be too good looking but they can be funny. The greatest hockey quote of all time is from André "Moose" Dupont, after demolishing the Canucks early in his career when his command of English was still shaky.
*told with a Jean Chrétien accent*
"That was a lot of fun, we don't go to jail, we beat up their chicken forwards, we score ten goals, and we win. And now de Moose drinks beer."

Posted by: shrieking denizen | October 11, 2007 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Good morning, all.

Thanks for that link to the MooseWalker/Rallye mashup from last year, yellojkt.

If you cannot avoid hitting a deer, you're supposed to release the brakes just before the moment of impact, to raise the vehicle's nose and push the deer aside or below the vehicle, rather than putting the front bumper on the pavement and giving the deer a runway up the hood into the front seat with you.

Unfortunately, I was able to employ this tactic last week, and while it didn't do my car much good, it's still driveable. Sadly, can't say the same for the deer.

Now, if you're going to hit a moose at any rate of speed, I believe the recommended action is: don't. Bullwinkle's BIG.

I think that a Death by Misadventure with lawn darts/Jarts would be preferable to anything involving a curling iron, hot wax of Personal Areas or backs, or a Micro Touch hair trimmer. Anything involving personal grooming, really.


Posted by: bc | October 11, 2007 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Glad you are OK bc, I was in a car that hit a deer - we were all OK but a frightening experience and unfortunately fatal for the deer. Car took a beating as well.

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 11:45 AM | Report abuse

My only encounter with a moose was in Yellowstone. They have signs and rangers telling you as soon as you get to the place not to get out of your car when you see wildlife like Moose, elk, bear or bison, but what is the first thing people do when they see these? That's right, they start thinning the herd. A traffic jam begins on the two-lane road and people start getting out and going over to the animals. They get as close as they can until the animal runs away or the person gets gored, whichever come first.

Posted by: Gomer | October 11, 2007 11:46 AM | Report abuse

LOL, bc. We'll remember that about personal grooming.

Sorry to hear about your encounter with a deer. I had not heard that tip about releasing the brake. I'm afraid I wouldn't remember in time to do so, should I have such an encounter. I hope the vehicle is repairable.

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Is it true that if you are bitten by a moose, someone has to cut little X's over the bite, and then suck all the poutine out before the fat globules shut down your respiratory stsem? Do you folks up north and west routinely carry around moose venom kits? (Hey, I'm a city boy and a sailor--I don't know from these things.)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 11:47 AM | Report abuse

oh yeah, sure, yellojkt simply provides a link and gets all the credit.

I'm goin' for a walk...

Posted by: omni | October 11, 2007 11:50 AM | Report abuse

I humbly apologize for the oversight, omni. Props to ye.


Posted by: bc | October 11, 2007 12:02 PM | Report abuse

We were told in drivers ed many years ago that if ann anumal strides in front of your vehicle, don't brake, just hit it. the car'll win every time. Similarly, if a head on is unavoidable, speed up just before impact. Something about f = ma, resultant vectors, momentum and other such stuff. Maybe that would explain the origin of the "I speed up to hit small mammals" stickers.

Posted by: jack | October 11, 2007 12:02 PM | Report abuse

I was about to ask whether moose get and carry rabies, but then I remembered an old movie from about 30 years ago (it was in black-and-white), called "To Kill a Mocking Elk." It was set in a small town in backwoods Idaho, or possibly even Saskatchewan Medicine Hat or some other foreign country, and the hero was a small-town lawyer. One day a rabid moose came wandering into town, foaming at the dewlaps and looking to spread mayhem and headbutts to anyone foolish enough to come close to try and read his moosetag collar. The lawyer, Atticus Bullflinch, went out into the street and shot that rabid moose dead.

If I'm recalling all this correctly. I think later in the movie Robert Duval killed somebody. Or got kidnapped on Christmas Eve by an Italian drug dealer, one or the other.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Slyness, I should be specific here.

I'm a believer in personal grooming.
To JA's comment in the Kit, I'd just prefer to avoid My Personal Demise while engaging in such activities.


Posted by: bc | October 11, 2007 12:05 PM | Report abuse

That's OK bc, it was faux umbrage and time for my walk anyhow.

Posted by: omni | October 11, 2007 12:12 PM | Report abuse

When I moved to West by god and had my insurance switched over to the local branch, they naturally gave me a gift. Not a calendar or a stationary, but a deer whistle that I put on the front of my truck. It did the trick I have never hit any deer in that truck. I don't have one on my Subaru and have hit 2 the past 6 months. Thankfully I was going less then 20 when I hit them. They both got up and ran away, with very little damage to my car.

Sorry to hear about your accident BC.

Posted by: greenwithenvy | October 11, 2007 12:14 PM | Report abuse

bc, your beautiful car! Glad you're okay.

Weather update for Philly BPH. It's very chilly and rainy today. Thunderstorms, fog. I almost never open the blinds @ work because of sun glare but they're all open today and I'm wearing a jacket.

Just want to point out that dmd & dmdspouse, TBG and Mo are staying near the racetrack, which also boasts 24-hour slot machines. Yoki could twist my arm and we'd go too.

Posted by: dbG | October 11, 2007 12:14 PM | Report abuse

omni, I suspect bc knew that; he was just faux-hunting.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 12:14 PM | Report abuse

'Mudge, if'n I'd been feelin' REALLY silly I would have said, "Play that funky moose-ic, Blue Bottom."

But that would have been mixing metaphors. Or something.


Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Good points, jack.

Mudge, was that moose named "BooWinkle?"

I wonder what the Clinton campaign folks are thinking when they read this, wondering how Joel's blog item and commentary regarding the Road to the Middle Class lead to a moose.

And I prefer "Death be not Humiliating."

Re. moose bites: if my body is completely consumed by moose (mooses?), bear, or any other dangerous carnivorous animals, please don't bother going into the woods and stopming around trying to locate and recover anything for burial.

I probably ended up exactly where and how I deserved to.


Posted by: bc | October 11, 2007 12:24 PM | Report abuse

Lessing nobely answered the call of her moose.

Posted by: MedallionOfFerret | October 11, 2007 12:40 PM | Report abuse

ebtnut, don't know how many, but there are moose in wyoming, montana and maine as well.

Posted by: L.A. lurker | October 11, 2007 12:41 PM | Report abuse

I'll bet a moose hickie is incredibly painful.

bc, LOLed at BooWinkle. Very nice.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Death be Humiliating is fine by me. I just want it to be something that will cause conversation and family amusement/embarrassment for decades to follow.

Posted by: ScienceTim | October 11, 2007 12:45 PM | Report abuse

Joel's "Death be not Silly" reminded me of the Mary Tyler Moore episode, Chuckles Bites the Dust. In which Chuckles the Clown, dressed in a Peter Peaunut costume, it trampled by a marauding elephant. "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants."

Posted by: Raysmom | October 11, 2007 12:49 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, Atticus is our venerated hero. There's not many professions where your client ends up dead at the end of the retainer and you still come out looking like a star.

On more mundane civil matters, I will be mostly off-boodle for about a month, having been drawn into a trial.

I am but a humble missionary, spreading the good news of frostbitten that the Plaintiff should not have sued.

Posted by: SonofCarl | October 11, 2007 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Either that or just get the gravestone with the Mickey Mouse ears on top of it.

Posted by: dbG | October 11, 2007 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Sorry, BOO-winkle indeed. Mine was in response to *Tim.

SOC, no wireless so you can follow our antics mid-trial? (Or is that considered bad form with the client sitting next to you?) We'll miss your witty commentary.

Posted by: dbG | October 11, 2007 12:53 PM | Report abuse

A few years back a large tree fell on the outhouse at a friend's cottage and properly splitted it in two. We often wonder if would have been "funny" if someone had been on the holed plank at the time. Most certainly a humiliating death.
The fear of deer collision is one good reason not to drive a low vehicle with a sloping hood.
Last year I saw an old Civic with a pick-up truck wheel embedded in the windshield on the passenger side, the result of a low speed accident in which the truck's big tire climbed the little car's hood.

Posted by: shrieking denizen | October 11, 2007 12:56 PM | Report abuse

SoC, good fortune with your trial. Is it something we can follow in the newspaper?

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 12:57 PM | Report abuse

In the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should state forthrightly that no moose (aka: møøse) has ever actually bitten my sister. To the best of my knowledge, she has never actually seen a moose in its wild habitat, although she lives in Massachusetts and has visited sectors of Haute Maine on occasion, so it is conceivable. I can, however, confirm that I have a sister and that I have informed her of the Achenblog's URL. I have no evidence to confirm, nor deny, whether she has lurked here or even posted. While I have no specific evidence, I do not doubt that a moose bite would be very bad, estimating from the size of the animal and the tough cellulosic food that they are reputed to favor.

Posted by: ScienceTim | October 11, 2007 1:19 PM | Report abuse

I'm a blackberry holdout, so sadly I will have to listen to the witnesses' prattle.

Slyness, thanks. There won't be any coverage on this one. Just another one week trial crammed into four. If it goes well you'll never get me to shut up.

Posted by: SonofCarl | October 11, 2007 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Let the lawyer jokes begin.

What do you give to a lawyer whose buried up to his neck in cement? More cement.

Maybe this joke thing is a bad idea. Never mind.

Posted by: Don from I-270 | October 11, 2007 1:37 PM | Report abuse

Once, in the early morning mist, walking back from an overlook with its view of Old Faithful, I heard a bullhorn not far away: I Wouldn't Do That If I Were You.

Someone was getting close to a bison, someone who presumably would never clamber over a fence to pat a bull.

Posted by: Dave of the Coonties | October 11, 2007 1:41 PM | Report abuse

A bison-- isn't it just like a dog? With horns? And bigger? Wait, that's not like a dog at all...

Posted by: Gomer | October 11, 2007 1:47 PM | Report abuse

Yikes, Dave, that IS a scary thought. I've been up close to bison once, and was glad I was in a car. They were bigger than the vehicle, and looked to weigh twice as much. This was in a campground at the Great Salt Lake, and the bison were free. Don't think I would have spent the night in a tent there.

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 1:51 PM | Report abuse

give that elk another e and you've got a one hot babe.

Posted by: omni | October 11, 2007 1:56 PM | Report abuse

Two fatalities in a week near here, involving motorcycles and deer:

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 1:56 PM | Report abuse

Death by bison hickie. Now there's a coroner's ruling I want to avoid.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 1:58 PM | Report abuse

A moose, an elk, and a caribou walk into this bar...

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 2:09 PM | Report abuse

I once had an encounter with a moose in Idaho. Being naive I thought it was neat but was later told it probably wasn't the best encounter to have in the wild. We were on an elk-deer hunt in the Idaho wilderness area (Fly in from Salmon to the old Wallace Berry ranch then horseback in thirteen miles to camp for seven days of hunting.) I was leading my horse back to the ranch one night - my horse was packing my friend's buck - when suddenly my horse stopped and wouldn't come along any further. It was snorting and pulling back on the reins so took out my flashlight and there was a moose in a little bog about fifty yards off the trail. It was just munching away while looking at us . When my friend came along a little later we were able to get my horse moving again while the moose just looked on.

Posted by: bh | October 11, 2007 2:11 PM | Report abuse

I'm thrilled that Doris Lessing's Nobel Prize. How fabulous! I've read almost everything she's written. I think she shaped my generation of women profoundly. A friend of mine, who wrote about Lessing for her doctoral dissertation, agrees with me.

Posted by: Maggie O'D | October 11, 2007 2:13 PM | Report abuse

A moose, an elk, and a caribou walk into a bar looking for a brewski and maybe a little "action." It's a Saturday night and the place is crowded--but there are no other moose, elk or caribou in the joint. The caribou turns to his buddies and says, "C'mon, fellahs, let's go somewhere else. This place doesn't have enough ruminant."


I'll be here all week. Try the venison.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 2:16 PM | Report abuse

Bisons have huge blue tongues. We've been to this drive-through nature park near Montebello a few times with the kids and they have a herd of bison. One bison once stuck its humongous head in the car and tried to get to the carrots with its huge blue tongue. I pushed the head back with my shoulder and rolled up the window, fast, almost catching the beast's tongue. It let a long streak of slime on the window. Bison's tongues are really, really yucky. They have elk and moose too by the way. The moose are not allowed near the cars.

Posted by: shrieking denizen | October 11, 2007 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Shriek we debated going to that park when we were at Montebello, but it was so hot we declined. We live close to African Lions Safari that also has some native animals so we did feel we were missing much.

My brothers car once broke down in the Lion area of the Safari, mid summer, car with power windows. They sat in a stiffling car for about a half hour until someone could get a truck out to help them.

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Agreed dmd, the park is at his best on crisp automn days. On the other hand we visited the Toronto zoo in 35C weather (mid nineties in Christian units). The animals were just resting in the shade. Even African animals like rhinos and zebras looked like they were bothered by the heat. Sales of ice cream must have been pretty good that day if my family is a good indicator.

Posted by: shrieking denizen | October 11, 2007 2:35 PM | Report abuse

Another place best on cool days Shriek, that is a lot of walking at the Toronto Zoo.

The photos on Parc Omegas website are fantastic.

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 2:38 PM | Report abuse

SCC its, of course...

Posted by: shrieking denizen | October 11, 2007 2:42 PM | Report abuse

I also had an encounter with a bison (we called them buffalo.) A man in our liitle town near Shasta Dam was setting up a road side stop on old Highway 99 by Shasta Lake called the 'Buffalo Ranch'. He had about dozen buffalo in a tight high barbed wire fenced area in his back yard while he was getting his attraction ready. He fed them hay and us kids would go over there after school and throw hay across the fence to them. One evening I was over there feeding them some hay and they were all along the fence waiting for more hay. I bent over with my rear end close to the fence and a big bull got impatient I guess because it butted me in the rear right through the fence.

Posted by: bh | October 11, 2007 2:43 PM | Report abuse

Very nice, MedallionofFerret! Thanks for the moos-ical interlude, yellojkt, and keep 'em coming, Mudge et al. (that's a legal term).

Good luck to you, SonofCarl. I'm assuming you are on the side of the righteous (well, one of them has to be righteous, right?). If not, even more good luck. Make 'em pay by the word.

Posted by: Ivansmom | October 11, 2007 3:07 PM | Report abuse

I've never read anything by Doris Lessing, but at least I know of her. Bill Moyers interviewed her some time ago. I tried one of her books, but didn't have time to read it before the library wanted it back. I'll have to try again.

Susan Butcher had an encounter with a moose during the Iditarod one year, and did not fare well. She lost several dogs (that is, the moose killed them), I think, and had to drop out of the race. Not sure if moose bite much - I envision more stomping action.

When I visited the alpaca farm, at one point I was surrounded by several, and even they made me a bit nervous. They're not terribly big, compared to a moose, but I wasn't sure what they would do with a stranger. They seem very gentle, but those long necks kind of gave me the willies. I'm way more comfortable around horses because I know what to expect and how to act, more or less.

Posted by: mostlylurking | October 11, 2007 3:11 PM | Report abuse

A couple of buffalo walk into this bar, looking for a brewski and maybe a little action. It's a Saturday night, and the bar is pretty crowded. The buffalo look around, but don't see any other buffalo, nor any bison, nor indeed any other kind of ruminant. Just then, someone in the crowd notices them, and yells, "There they are!" And then the entire crowd descends on the buffalo and beat them to death for loosing to the Dallas Cowboys with one second on the clock on a 50-something yard field goal second attempt after blowing the recovery of an on-sides kick, after whipping those SOBs for 59 minutes and 59 seconds.

I never said this one was going to be funny. I DO have my dark side, ya know.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 3:17 PM | Report abuse

What does it say about me that I found that very funny Mudge?

Posted by: dmd | October 11, 2007 3:24 PM | Report abuse

That bar must have been in Philly, the city of brotherly love.

Posted by: shrieking denizen | October 11, 2007 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Mudge, it just proves that this is one happily insane, loving community.

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 3:36 PM | Report abuse

It says that you have impeccably good taste and discernment, dmd. And you, too, Shriek and Slyness.

Which I never doubted for a moment.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 3:43 PM | Report abuse

Achenbloggers, HELP! The Virginia bar exam results are due out literally any minute now. They have come out on the Thursday or Friday after Columbus Day for the last four years in a row. That's today or tomorrow. I'm a nervous wreck, and I just finished a couple of work assignments so I don't have a whole lot distracting me from the constant refreshing of the VBBE's results page right now. Quick, help - distract me!

Posted by: PLS | October 11, 2007 3:55 PM | Report abuse

*making general distracting motions at the edge of PLS' peripheral vision*

*noting no reaction, proceeding to place banana peel in front of a herd of moose*

*suffering great disappointment when moose eat peel instead of slipping on it*


Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 3:59 PM | Report abuse

In the early '70s one of our town's local barflies used to size up the envirotourists and mention to the blondest babe in the bunch that the stuffed buffalo head on the wall "came from the last buffalo to be shot on the Minnesota prairie." Then he'd stare off into space as if reliving the wild and reckless overhunting of the buffalo in the 1800s. Never mind that we are in the heart of the northern forest not prairie, the buffalo was a family pet who was put down in the late 1950s after a very long and pampered life, for a bison.

SofC-best of luck. Too bad there is too little material to keep the NOT SUING blog updated very often, but I'd need a large paid staff to keep up with a "shouldn't have sued" blog.

Posted by: frostbitten | October 11, 2007 4:00 PM | Report abuse

These three law school graduates who have just taken the Virginia bar exam and are anxiously awaiting the results go into this bar, looking for a brewski and maybe a little action (well, two of them, anyway; the third is happily married). It's a Saturday night and the bar is pretty crowded. They look around and notice that in addition to people, there are many species of animals, all peaceably drinking and chatting--lions, muskrats, dogs, cats, otters, dolphins, orcas. Finally one law student turns to the other two and says, "C'mon, let's go somewhere else. This place doesn't have any ruminant."

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 4:04 PM | Report abuse

I guess you already heard that one.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 4:05 PM | Report abuse

PLS-was this on the bar exam?

Leaving a suicide note, a depressed man giving up all hope climbs out on a ledge of his highrise office building and leaps. As it happens, another man on another floor in the same office building is preparing for a SCUBA diving trip and has ordered a new crossbow to do a little spearfishing. New to this particular set-up he fires the spear through his open balcony door spearing his depressed neighbor. What is the proximate cause of death?

Answer: I don't know, but the widow should file a wet suit.

Posted by: frostbitten | October 11, 2007 4:07 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for keeping me giggling. :-) I should google "bad lawyer jokes" - that would keep me entertained for a while.

Posted by: PLS | October 11, 2007 4:14 PM | Report abuse

PLS.. maybe someone called to ask about the results. Uh oh

Posted by: TBG | October 11, 2007 4:21 PM | Report abuse

PLS, do you think the bar exam people would tell me how you did if I filed an amicus curious (liternally, "nosy-parker friend") brief?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 4:25 PM | Report abuse

SCC: nosey-parker, your honoratrix.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 4:28 PM | Report abuse

For anyone not familiar with the work of Doris Lessing and wanting to get a feel for her work I would recommend "The Marriages Between Zones Three, Four, and Five" from the series Canopus in Agros. It's sort of fantasy-fable, not too long, and quite enjoyable. Re: MNF and the Dallas Cowboys- it's better to be lucky than good (but if you can be lucky AND good, that's the best). I refer you to Sept. 2005. Dallas dominates Washington for three and a half quarters, Mark "Empty Tank" Brunell completes two long passes to Moss and Washington wins 14-13. Without those two plays, it is a demeaning shutout. It's better to be lucky than good.

Posted by: kurosawaguy | October 11, 2007 4:44 PM | Report abuse

OK,guys, I guess it's time to va-moose.

Posted by: ebtnut | October 11, 2007 4:45 PM | Report abuse

I didn't know there were any moose in VA.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 4:48 PM | Report abuse

Sorry to inject a little non-levity, but SciTim, I defy you to read this Ann Coulter nugget and not turn purple with rage, like I did.

To paraphrase Henry II (in re Thomas Becket), "Will no one rid us of this nutcase psychob1tch?"

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Were it legal, Mudge, I'd be at the head of the line to do away with her. She has set back equal rights, civility, and other things I can't think of, back about 10,000 years.

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Re the Ann Coulter flap-I know it's relatively difficult in comparison to being "born again" but I think Judaism just won a lot of converts.

I have discovered a new tactic with Mr. F when he seems to support one of Pa Frost-in-law's ultra-right Rush inspired comments/quotes. "Rush Limbaugh? Talk about irrelevant." (punctuate with giggles or harumphs as suits your personality) I will try the same with Coulter, but in Pa Frost-in-law's defense she seems too shrill even for him.

Posted by: frostbitten | October 11, 2007 5:04 PM | Report abuse

PLS -- ah, I do remember those days, vaguely. Wanting to know and getting kinda itchy -- worried about what would happen if it didn't happen this time. I do wish you success. As a veteran of two different bar exams, I can tell you that I am sooooo glad to be on the other side.

You'll do fine. We in the legal profession welcome you with open arms. And those who do not are just simply crazy. And there are far too many of those. You'll be in the "good" crowd and will do our profession proud.

Besides, Ivansmom and I need some more company. Hang in there.

Posted by: firsttimeblogger | October 11, 2007 6:07 PM | Report abuse

I get the feeling Coulter's awfully conflicted...

Over her choice of witch or skeleton for Halloween, I mean.

Posted by: Scottynuke | October 11, 2007 6:40 PM | Report abuse

It's hungry for attention. Ignore it and it will go away.

Posted by: Probationboy | October 11, 2007 6:44 PM | Report abuse

PLS, nice to see you! I'm sure you aced the exam.

Lessee, how about a good tune cootie:

Well, I went home with the waitress
The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the Russians, too

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad, get me out of this

I'm the innocent bystander
Somehow I got stuck
Between the rock and the hard place
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck

Now I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The s--t has hit the fan

Send lawyers, guns and money...

Posted by: mostlylurking | October 11, 2007 6:46 PM | Report abuse

So I was in a bar examining it, you know, I wood pass water on it if I could, but I was faded from all the labrador I was doing that day, retrieving bottles and putting drinks away, so I scratch myself instead and shake a rag over the counter.

Anyway, a moose a horse, and a buffalo come in, and ask for some water. Now, I led them right to the big guest water bowl, thinking that trough do it, you know.

Noooo, the horse refuses, cussing that he wants a big apple martini with a carrot in it.

Then the big moose asks for a swamp lagoon with a stick of cinnamon bark. We're all out, soI offer him a bark and stick with that. He offers me antlers in return, so I get outta there before it gets uglier than that moose's face.

I left so quick, I don't know what the buffalo wanted, but I heard everybody in the bar made him really tender for losing.

I'm staying fur from any bars now. It ain't worth the cussing customers you get. I prefer no holes bared by moose, thanks.

Posted by: Wilbrodog | October 11, 2007 7:09 PM | Report abuse

So a dog went into a boodle and killed it...

Posted by: Wilbrodog | October 11, 2007 8:27 PM | Report abuse

It's okay, W'dog, we'll wake up eventually.

Posted by: Slyness | October 11, 2007 8:36 PM | Report abuse

A moose, an elk and a caribou...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 11, 2007 8:58 PM | Report abuse

Hey, wake up! Joel's on page 1!

(With an Oct 12 date - I guess it's close enough.)

Posted by: mostlylurking | October 11, 2007 9:46 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, mostly--nice way to go off to sleep, pondering New Hampshire politics, and of course, moose.

Posted by: kbertocci | October 11, 2007 10:02 PM | Report abuse

Good thing the moose stayed away from the New Hampshire Secretary of State and Joel.

Would a primary in mid-December disrupt everyone's parties, or would people just add candidates to their guest lists? Might we see a candidate wearing a blinking plush set of moose antlers? Opinions on cherry pie made with sucralose?

Posted by: Dave of the Coonties | October 11, 2007 10:40 PM | Report abuse

What's wrong with pondering a nice juicy steak instead?

That's what I'm going to be dreaming of tonight.

Posted by: Wilbrodog | October 11, 2007 10:41 PM | Report abuse

Come to think of it, Chanukkah's last candle is the evening of December 11.

Posted by: Dave of the Coonties | October 11, 2007 10:44 PM | Report abuse

Indiana continues to lead in elementary education motivational techniques:

Makes a guy proud.

Posted by: bill everything | October 11, 2007 10:53 PM | Report abuse

Actually, Mudge , I'm very comfortable with reading that article about Coulter. Coulterites are so bathed in their own nonsense that there is nothing that a rational person could say to dissaude them that would not result in making them believe her nonsense more firmly. She is now entering territory that even her Fox "News" fellow travelers fear. Hannity and his mutant sidekick won't go there, nor O'Reilly. She has to constantly increase her level of insanity in order to satisfy the cravings of her junkies, but this time surely she has gone so far that none but the toothless inbred yokels with fantasies of white superiority will continue to believe in anything she has to say. Please?

Posted by: ScienceTim | October 11, 2007 10:59 PM | Report abuse

1. Moose pickup line: Hey baby, I'm in a rut, and I'm not talking about my job.

2. Meanwhile, methane showers on Titan. Discuss.

Posted by: SonofCarl | October 12, 2007 12:29 AM | Report abuse

The main problem in yer car/moose wreck is that the moose's legs heft him just over the body of the family's sedan so that body of the moose takes the passenger compartment off clean as a whistle.
'Cept fer the guts 'n the blood 'n all.

Posted by: OldGummer999 | October 12, 2007 1:13 AM | Report abuse

All I have to say about Titan, I said in "Sea Flatus".

However, I'll add this Coleridge-ish newsreport from Titan.

"IN Xanadu did rains methane
A tin-plated science-dome decree:
Where Whiff, the foul zephyr, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

So twice five isles in oceans drowned
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there teemed gardens full with alluvious chills
Where blossom'd many an bean-o-bearing tree;
And here were odors ancient as the hills,
Enfolding earthly shacks in jubilee.

But O, that deep romantic pour which panted
Down Titan's chill under a cloudy cover!
A savage storm! as holy and enchanted
As e'er upon a waning moon was haunted
By siren wailing for her sailor-lover!
And from this flume, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if Titan in fast thick chants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced;
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing drops at once and ever
It flung up momently the foul zephyr
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through cloudy veil the foul zephyr ran,
Then reach'd the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult methane blurred from far
Geophysicists' prophesying star!

The pilots of the dome of science
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard compliant measure
Of the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
An earthly science-dome in caves of ice!

A machine on the ice climbing
In a vision once we saw:
It was Japanese-made
And on her ice-picks she weighed,
Clinging to Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me,
Her long climb and cling
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,
That with rumble and loud ring,
I would rocket domes to there,
That earthly dome! those caves of ice!
And all poor nerds should smell them there,
And all should cry, Methane! Methane!
In oxygen, instant flare!
Weave a circle round tanks thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For Titan her methane has wed,
And brewed her milky atmosphere."

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 12, 2007 1:34 AM | Report abuse

Just finished watching the Rockies beat the Arizona Diamondbacks. The Rockies are one totally together hot team. Wow. Baseball has never been more fun for me with a winning home team.

Finally I am logging on and haven't been able to back-boodle much. I will!

Myself and Mr. birdie just started a 12 day long-overdue vacation for total R&R. I will NOT log on to work. I refuse. Will not happen...I hope. Help me.....!

We drove through much of New Mexico and Arizona today. We saw a huge hot air balloon festival in Albuquerque, NM. The balloons were like jewels hanging in the sky. Hundreds of them. So colorful and cheerful. Among them were a pink bunny with floppy ears, a panda bear, and a mexican lady with a fruitbasket atop her head. Quite the hobby.

Our goal is a week at a resort in Lake Havasu, Arizona where my brother-in-law lives. We are staying at a local resort. Yes, I heard about the brain-eating bacteria in the lake thus we will be spending most time at the pools or hiking. Just our luck although I blame it on global warming...comes in so handy.

Joel, headons with large four-footed animals is a scary possibility. Your fear is justified although I know you do tend to over-worry. However, it almost happened to us early this morning...we narrowly missed hitting a large elk with a full rack who was crossing I-25 just before dawn. Wow. Impressive in so many ways. So glad we all made it.

We also hiked the lip of the Meteor Crater near Winslow, Arizona. Double wow! It hit the earth 50,000 years ago in the middle of this high desert. It's huge--most impressive. I'd attach a link but sheepishly not sure if it will work as I am not yet an expert with links on the boodle. Look it up!

Posted by: birdie | October 12, 2007 1:37 AM | Report abuse

birdie, glad you heard about the brain-eating things - that was what flashed through my mind when I read Lake Havasu, and I was wondering if I should mention it (whew, all in a nano second!) - so I was relieved to see that you knew and I didn't have to wrestle with an ethical dilemma at this time of night. Hope you have a great vacation - sounds wonderful so far - don't login to work!

Just copy the url, then paste it here:

Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow Arizona
Such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
take it easy

Posted by: mostlylurking | October 12, 2007 2:29 AM | Report abuse

Nice song. For the song-impaired, who wrote/sang that?

Posted by: Wilbrod | October 12, 2007 3:20 AM | Report abuse

'Morning, Boodle.

Wilbrod, that's the Eagles' "Take It Easy." The actual writers were Jackson Browne (who wasn't an Eagle), and Glenn Frey, who was and who sang lead on it. The actual corner in question is North Kinsley Avenue and West 2nd Street (eastbound State Route 99). Today there's a small monument there because of the song. It's was the Eagle's first hit.

Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | October 12, 2007 5:46 AM | Report abuse

Well, Mudge, seeing as I'm a Dolphin, I was sort of looking forward to getting a good look at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NY, but, if they listen to Al Gore, I might not get the chance.

Anyway, I think that the committee is, in some way, making amends for the fact that Brownie won the Medal of Freedom for his work in NOLA ...

and it's a reminder that the faux president gave the Medal of Freedom to Tenet for the calls he assisted on ... you know understanding the facts ... the Iraq war and our general fight against terror to Tenet that never would have happened if Gore had somehow slid in the front door as President.

I'm just sayin.

Posted by: Dolphin Michael | October 12, 2007 6:21 AM | Report abuse

Just to suggest a topic, but Al Gore is the leading Democratic politician in a poll in Michigan. What happens if many of the voters in Iowa and New Hampshire wrote in Al Gore?

Posted by: Dolphin Michael | October 12, 2007 6:40 AM | Report abuse

New kit. Al Gore and the Sirens of Titan.

Posted by: yellojkt | October 12, 2007 7:01 AM | Report abuse

What's up, friends. I am for sure. Heading to the laundry room. Oh, the horror.

bc, so glad you're okay. If one lives to get a ripe old age, I suspect some aspect of personal grooming may show itself in the end, don't you think?

Al Gore won the Nobel Peace prize. I think that is so great. How will this win impact the Bush legacy?

School is out today for all the kids, and the fair is still in town. The g-girl went to the fair last night. She didn't want to leave. She was sleep two seconds after she hit the bed.

Slyness, I've been hearing that Mr. Smith has threatened to leave Concord and take his race empire with him because they did not give him the land he wanted to build a drag strip. Your thoughts. Now it seems these folks are worshipping him in hopes that he will remain. Didn't someone realize before they made that move that rich people are easily offended, and drop the hammer on those that offend? I can understand them not wanting to hear the noise, and I can understand their vote in that consideration, but there were other considerations too. Didn't anyone bring that up?

Read Eugene Robinson this morning, and his take on the Ronald Reagan "wanna-be", Fred Thompson. It seems Mr. Robinson was not impressed that much. Perhaps Fred Thompson believes he can slid into the White House without talking. You know just ride in on Reagan's coat tail. Oh, that's right, Ronald Reagan is dead!

I read the article about Coulter's recent outburst. I think she just likes to say outrageous stuff because it puts her in the spotlight. I don't think she "thinks" before she says some of that junk. I agree with Slyness's point about Coulter. Perhaps she's addicted to being in the spotlight. She is not a real beautiful person in the sense of warmth and humanity.

Got to go if I want to be first at that laundry. It will take me some time to get all of it done.

Morning, Mudge, Scotty, and all.*waving*

Have a great day, folks.

God loves us so much more than we can imagine through Him that died for all, Jesus Christ.

Posted by: Cassandra S | October 12, 2007 7:04 AM | Report abuse

The problem with hitting a moose is the same problem as hitting a camel. The tall, top heavy beasts tend to break off at the knees, destroying the grille, while the body comes through the windshield and the driver.

Posted by: J. B. Moore | October 12, 2007 8:36 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

RSS Feed
Subscribe to The Post

© 2010 The Washington Post Company