Best thing since sliced bread [updated]

Inscrotable? Snort. That's the best word since Cherry Nibs.

Let me point out that nocturnal activity is considered a preference. When needs must, humanity is ready to rise to the occasion.

I think the Pill is better than sliced bread. But then, I slice my own bread. And yet, I am so darned lazy that I purchase the canned DICED tomatoes. I already know that any tomato I purchase within a canned configuration is not destined to maintain a tomato-like form, so why not get them ready-mangled for the same price?

Joel, back when you were doing Why Things Are, why did you never the testicular beat?

Not to mention Red Vines from the American Licorice Company. Much better than that "Twizzler" stuff.

And then there are dark Wilbur Chocolate.

Good n' Plenty's.

Utz Barbecue Chips.

Doritos when consumed with any manner of Red Ale.

Sleepytime tea with milk.

Bananas foster.

My Grandma's Plum Pudding.

(Heck, just about anything edible with fire.)

Fresh warm pumpkin bread.

Cold pumpkin pie - made from canned pumpkin the way God intended.

Peppermint ice cream with crunchy bits.

Tulley's Coffee Americano.

"... never COVER the testicular beat."

Typographical errors are the bane -- or the source -- of written humor. At least, I blame it on the typo.

From wiki:

Sliced bread is a loaf of bread which has been pre-sliced and packaged for convenience. It was first sold in 1928, advertised as "the greatest forward step in the baking industry since bread was wrapped." This led to the popular phrase, "the greatest thing since sliced bread".

Otto Frederick Rohwedder of Davenport, Iowa invented the first loaf-at-a-time bread-slicing machine. A prototype he built in 1912 was destroyed in a fire and it was not until 1928 that Rohwedder had a fully working machine ready. The first commercial use of the machine was by the Chillicothe Baking Company of Chillicothe, Missouri, which produced their first slices on July 7, 1928. Their product, "Kleen Maid Sliced Bread", proved a success. Battle Creek, Michigan has a competing claim as the first city to sell bread presliced by Rohwedder's machine; however, historians have produced no documentation backing up Battle Creek's claim. The bread was advertised as, "the greatest forward step in the baking industry since bread was wrapped."

St. Louis baker Gustav Papendick bought Rohwedder's second bread slicer and set out to improve it by devising a way to keep the slices together at least long enough to allow the loaves to be wrapped. After failures trying rubber bands and metal pins, he settled on placing the slices into a cardboard tray. The tray aligned the slices, allowing mechanized wrapping machines to function.

W.E. Long, who promoted the Holsum Bread brand, used by various independent bakers around the country, pioneered and promoted the packaging of sliced bread beginning in 1928. In 1930 Wonder Bread, first sold in 1925, started marketing sliced bread nationwide.

The phrase "the greatest thing since sliced bread" (and variations thereof) is a commonly used hyperbolic means of praising an invention or development. Sliced bread appears to be something of an arbitrary selection as the benchmark against which later inventions should be judged. It has been said that "the phrase is the ultimate depiction of innovative achievement and American know-how," although it is commonly used in the United Kingdom as well.

The popular use of the phrase derives from the fact that Wonder Bread, the first mass-marketer of sliced bread as a product, launched a 1930s ad campaign touting the innovation.

Ooh just one more.

Fresh pod peas picked just seconds before from your back yard and consumed in the living room from a paper bag..

Rapture.

Finally, the scientific explanation for 'shrinkage.'

I can't believe I didn't do the dangle item for WTA.

The nocturnal question -- isn't it that night-time is when people drink, relax, party? As opposed to, you know, go off to work? I'm just not sure you need the ambient temperature explanation. Seems to be a form of overexplaining and hyper-reductionism.

And re #10 above: they also didn't have sliced bread in 1943. From the same wiki entry:

During 1943, U. S. officials imposed a short-lived ban on sliced bread as a wartime conservation measure. The ban was ordered by Claude R. Wickard who held the position of Food Administrator, and took effect on January 18, 1943. According to the New York Times, officials explained that "the ready-sliced loaf must have a heavier wrapping than an unsliced one if it is not to dry out." It was also intended to counteract a rise in the price of bread, caused by the Office of Price Administration's authorization of a ten percent increase in flour prices.

In a Sunday radio address on January 24, Mayor LaGuardia suggested that bakeries that had their own bread-slicing machines should be allowed to continue to use them, and on January 26, 1943, a letter appeared in the New York Times from a distraught housewife:

I should like to let you know how important sliced bread is to the morale and saneness of a household. My husband and four children are all in a rush during and after breakfast. Without ready-sliced bread I must do the slicing for toast—two pieces for each one—that's ten. For their lunches I must cut by hand at least twenty slices, for two sandwiches apiece. Afterward I make my own toast. Twenty-two slices of bread to be cut in a hurry!
On January 26, however, John F. Conaboy, the New York Area Supervisor of the Food Distribution Administration, warned bakeries, delicatessens, and other stores that were continuing to slice bread to stop, saying that "to protect the cooperating bakeries against the unfair competition of those who continue to slice their own bread... we are prepared to take stern measures if necessary."

On March 8, 1943, the ban was rescinded. Wickard stated that "Our experience with the order, however, leads us to believe that the savings are not as much as we expected, and the War Production Board tells us that sufficient wax paper to wrap sliced bread for four months is in the hands of paper processor and the baking industry.

So glad you're a fan of King Arthur Flour - but since we've been around since 1790, we actually pre-date sliced bread, too. :)
Happy baking!

RD,
While those are all delicious foods, none seem to carry the industrial awe of a true innovation, like microwave popcorn.

And the circadian rhythm theory doesn't quite explain the phenomenon of morning wood, which played a part as a major plot point in Kilgore Trout's 'Venus On The Half Shell.'

Dazzle 'em at the gym!

"I'm working on my cremasteric muscle flexes."

Oh yello. I beg to differ.

I mean, have you *tried* Tully's Coffee Americano?

But I do see your point.

How about grind-at-home coffee in general?

Microwave anything.

And, of course, premixed chocolate chip cookie dough.

I'm reasonably sure that the words schnarfigrade and cremasteric have never before appeared in the same sentence, the same page, the same Boodle, indeed, the same newspaper, ever before in our proud nation's history.

Methinks Joel could do an entire new book simply called "Why Things Dangle." Christmas tree ornaments, earings, bats, sloths, stalgmites (tites? I can never remember), participles, conversations (see Simon, Paul, "dangling conversations and superficial sighs, the borders of our lives" from The Dangling Conversation, Parsley Sage Rosemary and Tyhme album, 1966), telephones off telephone cords (older mystery novels), etc.

I had a co-worker describe a celebrity's head as the size of a bread box. I chuckled because I "got it" but the younger set didn't have a clue what a bread box was. Are bread boxes not used anymore?

Another thing one is unlikely to find in the pages of the SciAmerican article: "Alex, I'll take 'Things That Dangle' for $200."

yello, didn't "Morning Wood" first appear on the Beatles' Rubber Soul album? Or am I thinking of something else?

"Why Things Dangle?"

Gravity.

Send me the advance.

You want something better than sliced bread? How about movies of Saturn's aurora on the night side: http://www1.nasa.gov/mission_pages/cassini/multimedia/pia11681.html

RD,
Much better.

Such a list should also include:

Safety pull tabs.
Juice boxes.
Refrigerator cases of soda.

Things NOT better than sliced bread:

Microwave burritos
Frozen pizzas with the little microwave disc
Clamshell plastic cases on electronics
High fructose corn syrup

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time...

(my apologies, Steven)

I'd have to say the CPU tops the list.

I am thrilled to bits that a representative of the King Arthur Flour Company has left a comment. Rapture!

Stalactites do not dangle. They hang.

mudge,
You're thinking of the funeral for Robert Wagner's wife.

No dangle?

Tim, I was impressed. Allison Furbish... speak of King Arthur and she appears!

The inner workings of the NYT usage cops:

http://topics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/24/that-slangy-tone/

I like that when sliced bread was introduced it was the best thing since wrapped bread.

However, each pales in comparison with the real best thing - hot fresh bread.

Stalagmites have a "g" as in "ground", while stalactites have a "c" for "ceiling". Works for me.

And for Climate Change Tuesday Before Thanksgiving (so you have plenty of ammo for global warming deniers at your table):

http://washingtonindependent.com/68808/the-best-reason-to-ignore-climategate-the-climate-really-is-changing

Climate change has been understated.

The WaPo front page has no less than THREE photos of Susan Boyle on it right now -- one in the rotator box up top, one in the Style/Gallery/Travel banner at midpage, and then not half an inch below it in the Gallery banner box.

Isn't that a bit of Susan Boyle overkill? Jeez, even if they ran three photos of Evangeline Lilly I'd protes...uh. No, I wouldn't. Never mind. Bad example. OK, three Eva Mendes. Nope. That's not it either. Three...Halle Berries. Nah. Three Scarlett Johansona. Jeez, I didn't think this was gonna be so tough. Three Tamara Taylors. No. Two Tamara Taylors and a Sanaa Latham. No, that won't work, either.

Five (three, sir!)...

Three Ethel Mermans.

Whipped Cream in Spray Cans.

Toaster Waffles.

Top Ramen.

Did I mention the premixed Chocolate Chip Cookies Dough?

Cause that one's a biggie.

We don't eat white bread as a rule, except I like a little in my homemade Thanksgiving stuffing. I was thinking, as I cubed some bread this morning, how good some San Francisco sourdough would taste in the mix this year. So I ran to HEB market, where I had three choices. Brand A, whose name I can't remember; Cobblestone Mill--which was by far the most expensive and advertised on the wrapper "San Francisco Style"; and PepperRidge Farms, which was on sale.

So I returned home and began cubing the sliced sourdough bread to discover that there is nothing San Francisco-ish about the bread whatsoever. It's unfortunately slightly stale, doesn't have the crusty crust or overall texture, and isn't flavorful at all. The wrapper reveals that the bread is distributed by Flower Foods Bakery Group of Thomasville, Georgia! What do Georgians and Southerners in general know of San Francisco sourdough? They know peanuts!

This is the absolute last time I'll turn to a Georgia bakery for a Bay Area specialty. I spent far too much do-re-mi on this disappointing dough from Dixie. I'm soured on the thought of ever buying this brand again.

That is a biggie. E. coli-free premixed Chocolate Chip Cookies Dough would be even better.

My list of best things,

Tim Horton's coffee - not the best but always consistent.
Starbucks Low Fat, No Whip Gingerbread Latte with their Molasses Cookie.

Liquid Advil Migraine

I live simply :-)

Now not to be out done by the embarassment of calling out our army to clear snow in Toronto (although workng there at the time it was needed), today a deer wandered downtown - you will note the response involve more than a few agencies - seriously the SWAT team.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/deer-drugged-tasered-after-downtown-toronto-stroll/article1375326/

Wizards owner Abe Pollin has died...

:-(

Local radio station WTOP is reporting that Abe Pollin, owner of the Washington Wizards, has died, age 85. RIP.

Susan Boyle will be Susan Boyle.

During her NYC debut on NBC's Today show yesterday, she took the stage in a pretty black coat with a red scarf. (Since lightning knocked out the red in our TV, it looked gold. So, I'm glad to see the true colors on the home page.)

Both before and after her first song, "I Dreamed a Dream," and before the station cut to a commercial when she'd ended, the camera caught her vigorously twirling the end of the scarf like tassles, and giving that sassy, defiant hip sway that she did before the judges of "Britain's Got Talent." I think she even let out a western type of "Yee-haw."

For the second and third numbers she performed, the scarf, spun saucily only minutes earlier, was loooong gone. Her windblown hair had been tamed, but she definitely looked like she'd been tightly stage-managed thereafter.

Largest preorder on amazon.com for her CD, though not all critics gave it positive reviews.

Sanitary napkins--my mom says she wore rags that she would wash.

Then sanitary napkins with adhesive strips replacing the earlier hooks/hardware.

Tampons.

The Pill.

Damn, I mighta beaten Scotty if I hadn't used all them extry words.

Rags? You had rags? Why we were so poor...

Wait a minute...

I think I'm on potentially thin ice here.

Mudge, in a sort of twisted holiday spirit, there were:

Three Susan Boyles
Two Lamberts
And a penguin in the Gallery.

Oh my God. You can eat tampons?

That's just weird.

Fiiiiiiivvvvveeeeeeeee Kristen Wiigs!
Foreclosures!
Three Susan Boyles!
Two Lambert screamies
And a penguin in the Gallerrreeeeeeeee.

Brigham's vanilla ice cream with jimmies (chocolate sprinkles to non-New Englanders)

Dunkin Donuts coffee - for the same reason dmd chose Tim Horton's

Low-fat animal crackers

Diet cranberry juice

Agree about King Arthur's flour - why does any other company bother?

Oh dear -- so many items to comment on. Terribly sad about Abe Pollin. Now *there's* a sports team owner to be proud of!

Sliced bread -- I remember when my father used to take my brother and me on Sunday mornings down to Detroit to a particular bakery -- sawdust on the floor, wonderful smells -- and he would order "One loaf of Russian pumpernickel, sliced thin." And that pumpernickel was wonderful. The crusts were chewy and the taste was fabulous. i've tried to make pumpernickel without too much success. I think I need more coffee and chocolate in it. Maybe when I get my back taken care of, I'll partake in bread baking again. I did a lot of it in law school (the kneading is tremendously therapeutic, I must say).

I looked at the song choices on Susan Boyle's CD on Amazon, and I found that I wasn't really interested. I think she is a dynamite singer, but I also think I'm spoiled by Eva Cassidy. Two different voices, to be sure, but I think Susan Boyle is being wound up a bit too tight by her current set of handlers. She doesn't appear to be too business savvy or that confident yet to take the reins herself. I'll wait for the next CD from her and see if I'm interested.

And, Joel, the word "inscrotable" made me thrilled that I wasn't partaking of any beverage while reading. What a great word!

Dang, this Boodle is smart! *shhhh -- don't tell nobody . . . *

Improvements on things available in 1928, or unavailable since then. . . hmmm. Everything on Joel's list, even pre-washed salad which I don't use any more. Most of RD's list (is it snack time, RD?) with particular agreement on the pre-mixed chocolate chip cookie dough. Most of the other suggestions too.

Things I take for granted that my farm-based grandmother would have done violence for, even as late as 1928:
Reliable electric oven and stove.
Microwave.
Dishwasher.
Electric refrigerator and freezer.
Electric washing machine & drier. [Do we see a theme developing?]
Central heat and air.
Cellphones.*
Vacuum cleaner.
Clorox wipes.
Paper towels.

All these simple things make my daily life easier and more pleasant, and occasionally safer. I know Grandma would have liked them, because she was an early adapter and embraced "new stuff", particularly stuff which made her life easier, as quick as it came out. She gave away all her "old stuff" (antiques to you and me).

* I know the drawbacks to cellphones but they are gosh darn handy, particularly in emergencies.

What the hell, rashomon, ya wanna go for the whole megillah?

"On the Twelfth day of the Secular Seasonal Holiday the WaPo gave to me:

Ten pundits whining...

You beat me, mudge. I was about to do

Six pundits opining.

No, they started with ten. But carry on, carry on.

Well, under More Top Stories, there are

Eleven categories

Okay, now I've got it. Concentrating on food items since sliced bread (though I still think it is snack time). I second the suggestions aleady, with, again, special praise for pre-mixed chocolate chip cookie dough (which, parenthetically or pathetically as you will, I at one point swore I would Never Use, since as a baker and a Good Mom I would continue to make my own cookies, until I realized that any fresh-baked cookie tastes better than a store-packaged one, and Life is Short, and success in parenting is not measured in cookie dough, in much the same way that I realized Canned Green Beans are - gasp - vegetables and therefore better for my child than no green beans). Whew. Deep breath.

Unroll-and-bake dinner rolls, croissants and cinnamon rolls.
Vacuum-seal plastic food packaging.
No-boil lasagna noodles.
Dove bars.

Speaking of high fructose corn syrup and store-bought bread, I was startled to learn that, in the whole bread aisle at our SuperTarget (my grocery of choice if not inclination), the only loaf NOT made with high fructose corn syrup is Nature's Own Whole Wheat. That includes the other, fancier whole wheat breads. Ivansdad and the Boy get pretty tired of that Nature's Own, let me tell you. And the only way to buy hamburger buns without the Evil Substance is to buy the Target fresh-made bakery ones; every packaged brand has it.

Yes, I read all the labels.

I read all the salad dressing labels too (Target brand again) and the snacks (goldfish and pretzels) and the cookies and . . . .

People look at me funny in the grocery store sometimes.

Ivansmom, somewhere around here I have the cookbook that came with my grandmother's woodburning stove. I just can't imagine the work involved in having to start a fire to cook meals. I remember her washing machine with the external wringer. My mother talked about having two dresses for school. That meant that my grandmother had to wash, dry, and iron schoolclothes for five kids every day. By hand. Regardless of the weather.

I'm the same way, Ivansmom. It makes me want to throw things when I read HFCS in absolutely everything in sight! No way I want to ingest that stuff all the time.

*feeling suddenly cranky -- hold on*

Ok, I'm back. . . .

Food processing companies seem to enjoy the fact that most Americans (and others who also live here) don't read labels and don't much care what they put in their bodies. Whenever I'm at the grocery store (regular, not Trader Joe's or Whole Foods) I see people putting nothing in their carts but chips and sodas. And these folks aren't thin, either.

*muttering*

Oh, slyness, my mother had that kind of washing machine with the external wringer. The clothes were dried on the line outside or in the basement during inclement weather. She really, really appreciated getting a fully automatic washer and dryer.

I'd like to be able to employ someone to do that. Helps the economy, that's fer sher.

OK, mudge, I've got:

Twelve News Guide topics
Eleven categories
Ten pundits whining
Nine ways to get them
Eight Post Partners
Seven point NASDAQ drop
Six Discussion topics
Five celebrities
Foreclosures
Three Susan Boyles
Two Lamberts and
A penguin in the Gallery

I once worked with a guy who told me that when he asked his 100-year-old grandmother what invention she'd call the most important in her long and invention-filled life, she said "screens."

I can see that, TBG! The good of not having mosquitoes inside, especially at night...and keeping other bugs out too!

Funny, rashomon and Mudge.

Screens indeedy.

In the not-food category, disposable diapers and the Diaper Genie. I know it is an ecological nightmare. Sorry.

In case anyone cares, I posted in the kit the invite list for the state dinner at the White House.

No comments on this passage from the SciAm article?

"This new hypothesis, which the authors call “the activation hypothesis,” sets out to explain the natural origins of the only human body part arguably less attractive than the penis--the testicles."

While it's nice to have those parts around the house, I'm just as glad I don't have to wear them.

The best version of Bohemian Rhapsody since Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theater:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY&feature=player_embedded

ndgirl,
The genitals of either gender are really not much to look at. I guess they don't have to be.

Yes, ndgirl, I look down on them, myself. One might say.

Please turn your heads, cough, and then proceed to the new kit.

Gosh, Joel. I was going to commiserate with your unaccountable absence from the State Dinner list (they forgot me too) by suggesting it would be a dull affair. Then I saw Dan Mulhern would be there. I knew him in law school. I didn't know his wife, Gov. Jennifer Granholm, very well, but Dan's a cool guy. In fact, the whole list looks like it'll be a pretty interesting party. Ah well.

I myself, after cleaning the rabbit cage and feeding the dogs, plan on a tasty home-cooked meal of pasta, or perhaps quesadillas, or possibly just scrambled eggs, in the convivial company of my family, followed by a scintillating rehearsal. Only the high life for me.

I know there is a new serious kit but thought I'd share this link: http://irreference.com/ Please look at the third bullet on the left hand side under hot topics. It is a hilarious read --found it in a little store in San Diego.
A friend and I could not stop laughing in the store.

All dog owners please read this blog entry before you travel with your dogs for the holidays.
http://sanityshome.blogspot.com/2009/11/dog-show-victim.html