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Moment of Levity: Posnanski Out on Teixeira

We know, you're in virtual withdrawal without breaking Mark Teixeira news. Well, now that we know that the slugging first baseman isn't heading back to Anaheim -- and he's really not; the Angels aren't backing off that announcement -- it's starting to look like Teixiera probably has all the best offers he's going to get. In fact, his leverage is decreasing by the day. While superagent Scott Boras may be holding out in hopes of getting the Yankees in on the Teixeira bidding, waiting this long has cost him an equally seriously and financially capable suitor: Joe Posnanski.

That's right, it's now official: Joe Posnanski isn't going to sign Mark Teixeira. If you don't know him already, Posnanski is probably America's funniest sports columnist, particularly now that The Post's own Tony Kornheiser is a self-diagnosed "Yodeler" rather than a writer. Norman Chad might disagree with that praise of Posnanski, but I'm betting he probably wouldn't. After all, Chad knows funny, and Posnanski is very, very funny.

Case in point: with the reigning Associated Press Sports Editor's "Sports Columnist of the Year" travelling in New York, he took advantage of the full media platform a post-free day on his blog would provide to offer this gem: He's not going to sign Mark Teixeira.

You've got to read the full pseudo press conference bloggable release after the jump. It's pure comedy gold.

OK, here's that "comedy gold." Man. It sounds like I oversold it now.

"I'm pulling out of the Mark Teixeira sweepstakes.

Yes, it's hard. I want to say right up front that I think Mark is one heck of a guy. This is not something that should reflect at all on him as either a person or as a player. He's a great player, but even a better person. I have the greatest respect for him. And I was willing to go to 100 million for five years, bring him on to help the company softball team, help me write a few columns and move a few boxes around the house, and just be around as a friend because he's such a wonderful guy.

But after discussing this at length, I believe that Mark will have better offers elsewhere and I feel like it's time to move on. I mean, I felt like 100 million for five years was a competitive offer, but I have been told this will not be enough and at this point I have to say anything beyond five years, $100 million would be ludicrous. I might have been willing to go to five years $105 million. Or six years $118 million. Perhaps four years at $93 million. But I think anything more than these numbers that I have just made up off the top of my head would be irresponsible, especially in times like these. Maybe seven years at $138 million.

I do wish Mark the very best, though I will miss him terribly and will always cherish the time spent together. ... Maybe four years 88 million. I might be able to swing that."

Comedy gold. Just like that, the Red Sox and Angels announcements look just a bit trivialized and we can all remember just how absurd Boras and a bidding war heading toward $175-190 million for one player really is.

Now, I'll bet you want to know where Big Tex is headed right? Sorry, no big news over here. Obviously, we'll let you know as soon as there is some. In the meantime, remember that this is all baseball (preposterously wealthy baseball) and sometimes it's more fun to take the whole thing with a grain of salt. Like Colin Balester. At least I hope he was taking it with a grain of salt ...

By Cameron Smith  |  December 22, 2008; 7:10 PM ET
Categories:  Angels , Nationals , Orioles , Red Sox  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Cost for Mark Teixeira? Try $195 Million
Next: UPDATE: What Next for Teixeira Losers?


However, in a recent installment of As the Teix Turns, Boras indicated that the door is still open for the Angels (per Jon Heyman, anyway):

Posted by: natsfan1a1 | December 22, 2008 8:24 PM | Report abuse

Hey joe - better watch it. That 4 years, $93 million works out to an AAV of $23.25 million. That's probably better than any of the offers out there. 4 years would put him back on the market at age 32, when he could sign another big contract. This is probably better than an opt-out. You may have just bought a guy to help you on your blog.

Posted by: jca-CrystalCity | December 22, 2008 10:15 PM | Report abuse

Saying he's the funniest is kind of unfair to him. It's not that he's the funniest, it's that he's the best. Period.

The Post'd be lucky to have someone as good as him. You've got some famous voices, and some people who write purty phrases, but his combo of excellent writing and excellent analysis (imagine that!) can't be beaten.

Posted by: Uncle_Teddy | December 22, 2008 10:35 PM | Report abuse

Pos is great.

His blog is must reading, especially for seamheads.

Posted by: metatext | December 23, 2008 1:36 PM | Report abuse

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