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Leave it to The Onion

Sometimes you just have to tip your hat to America's Finest News Source. The latest example came in the weekly's most recent edition, which was released nationwide this morning.

The headline that caught Baseball Insider's eye? Derek Jeter Honored for Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines.

The faux quotes and quips from the piece are far too voluminous to highlight in their entirety, but here are a couple of the most brilliant gems from a very different take on Jeter setting a new record for base hits by a Yankee.

"They called him the Iron Horse for a reason," said Jeter, apparently referring to the retired designated hitter and sometime outfielder, whose 1981 Fleer rookie card is worth $9.99 in perfect mint condition. "He was a hero. Not just to baseball fans, but to the entire country."

Jeter's 2,722nd career hit not only puts him in the company of Yankee legends, but also ranks him with an elite group of 675,000 additional baseball players past and present with fewer hits than Baines, who played for the Chicago White Sox, Texas Rangers, Oakland Athletics, Baltimore Orioles, Chicago White Sox again, Baltimore Orioles again, Cleveland Indians, Baltimore Orioles for a third time, and Chicago White Sox yet again, and is not a member of the Hall of Fame.

Fellow Yankee players were equally excited for their teammate, rushing the field to congratulate Jeter on successfully becoming a professional baseball player who has fewer base hits than Harold Baines, and only slightly more than Omar Vizquel and Bill Buckner.

Admit it, that's a brilliant piece of sardonic journalism. What other hitters could you think of that would put Jeter's accomplishment in a "broader", baseball-wide perspective?

By Cameron Smith  |  September 17, 2009; 1:10 PM ET
Categories:  Yankees  | Tags: Derek Jeter, Yankee Stadium, Yankees, records  
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