DC United vs. Houston game diary and player ratings
By Jeff Maurer
(This blog was written in the distant past…last Saturday night. Chester A. Arthur was President. Ice cream cost a nickel.)
I started this morning with LA vs. New York on DVR from last night, which was a well played game. I followed that with Man City vs. Chelsea, which was an outstanding game. In fact, it was so good I started wondering if I was dumb to watch that game as an hors d’oeuvre to tonight’s last vs. last Houston vs. DC matchup. I mean, you don’t go on a fine-dining binge for breakfast and lunch if you know you’re having dinner at Denny’s.
My apologies to Denny’s: they have not made me throw up nearly as many times as this year’s United team. Although I have to admit: United have been playing a bit better lately. They haven’t been playing well by any means, but they’ve been organized and competitive lately. Credit Ben for that. And Houston stinks. Put all that together, and I think United are going to win tonight (comment from the future: please note the integrity I showed by not editing out that prediction before this went live).
Boskovic starts, King on the bench. MaTavish starts for Graye. Not a whole lot of tough lineup decisions for Ben to make, are there? There are so many injuries and mediocre players on this roster, the lineups pretty much pick themselves.
2’ – Is it just me, or is CSN’s high def some of the worst high def there is? Not that I was going to put in the effort to figure out which one’s Morsink and which one’s Zayner anyway, but CSN is making it impossible.
6’ – Najar blows right past Serioux and wins a corner. That was some seriouxly nice dribbling!
9’ – The picture just jumped from low def to high def…much better. Now I’ll be able to see the grimace on Perkins’ face when we give up the game-losing goal in the 86th minute.
15’ – Quaranta centers for Allsopp, but Allsopp miss-hits the shot. Right now, Allsopp’s challenge is to be better than Adam Cristman, and it’s starting to get debatable.
17’ – So far, this game is not living up to the lofty expectations of a last vs. last MLS matchup.
21’ – Rongen: “Not giving up a goal is important.” Is that comment not quite so moronic in the original Dutch?
26’ – Najar passes up a shot to lay off for Morsink. I made a lot of bad decisions when I was 17, too.
28’ – GOAL UNITED! Guess who? That’s right: Andy “Only Guy on the Team Who Can Finish” Najar! And this one was nice: Tino with a great switch to Najar, who brings it down (nice), beats two defenders (great), decides not to dish off to Allsopp (outstanding!), and blasts past Onstad (unbelievable!)!
32’ – Jakovic with a giveaway. Is that his Horrible Mistake of the Game? No…when Jakovic makes his HMOTG, there is no debate.
34’ – Very nice sequence from Boskovic, though nothing comes of it. He’s looked good – maybe the Roque Santa Cruz rumor lit a fire under him.
39’ – Serioux with a scissor tackle on Boskovic that is basically the same move my Aunt’s German shepherd makes toward my leg whenever I walk through the door. But no yellow card.
44’ – Hernandez wins the ball and starts an attack. He’s also looked good, except for his new faux-hawk haircut. It’s the same one sported by Carlos Tevez and two thirds of the contestants on Top Chef.
HALFTIME. 1-0 United, and it’s deserved. United started off slow, but they played some nice attacking soccer toward the end of the second half.
52’ – Outstanding punt from Perkins find Quaranta in space. Quaranta crosses for Allsopp, and with the goal open, Allsopp can’t adjust his body to put the header on frame.
55’ – Quaranta with a shot that’s, I don’t know…40 yards or so over the bar. Is there something wrong with Tino’s depth perception? Does he need glasses?
59’ – United goal called offside! Hernandez with a nice shot (!) that forces a save from Onstad. The ball bounces to Allsopp who puts it home, but he was called offside. Looked like the correct call.
62’ – Replay shows that Allsopp was NOT offside…the left back was keeping him on. Very tricky call for the linesman, but he got it wrong. Should be 2-0 United.
65’ – GOAL HOUSTON! Excuse me…(throws up). Zayner and Tino let Mulrooney run free down the righ…oh wait…(throws up). Whew…okay…one minute. Okay…(spits)…okay. Cross comes in and Perkins completely mis…misses…here we go (throws up). Bounces around and deflects off of D mc T for an own goa…nope, not done (throws up).
66’ – Unbelievably horrible goal. Required bad plays by three guys, with Perkins’ gaffe being the worst. I cannot describe my thoughts on that goal on a family-friendly website.
67’ – Onstad flaps at a cross – presumably to make Perkins feel better – but Najar can’t quite get to it.
69’ – GOAL HOUSTON! Cameron heads home as Jakovic stands and watches (that would be Jakovic’s Horrible Mistake of the Game). I wonder if Jakovic went so far as to yell something supportive into Cameron’s ear as he headed home, perhaps “Good luck!” or “I believe in you!”.
73’ – Allsopp out for…does it matter? Out for a guy who’s not Danny Allsopp, so I’m behind it. Turns out the sub is Carlos “Not Danny Allsopp” Varela.
76’ – Najar undercuts Robinson and should have had his second yellow card. The kid is frustrated and wants out. I can relate.
80’ – Davis almost puts a free kick in the top corner, but Perkins makes the save. I always thought that Davis should have gotten some of the looks with the national team that ended up going to Damarcus Beasley.
82’ – Fred’s appropriately-named little brother Junior in for D mc T. United will shift to a 3-4-3, though I’m not sure who’s going to get pushed up top.
90+6’ – Onstad took a knee to the head, but looks like he’s staying in there. Boy, he looks woozy. This makes me wonder: will MLS follow the NFL’s lead and enact rules governing use of concussed players ten years after the problem becomes apparent?
90+9’ – Goal Houston. Whatever.
Here’s something that will make you feel better: it doesn’t matter. This season was trashed a long time ago. When we lose a game that we should have won during a competitive year, then it will be time to get mad. But this year, well…here’s an early look at the 2011 draft.
Perkins: 4. Only made one mistake, but it was a whopper. I don’t know what’s wrong with him this year, and I doubt he knows, either.
McTavish: 5. Didn’t get exposed on defense, and wasn’t at fault on the own goal. So, I guess he’s notable for the mistakes he didn’t make.
Jakovic: 3.5. Can someone put together a YouTube video of all of Jakovic’s HMOTGs?
James: 6. I think he’s played himself onto next year’s roster. If United draft or sign a central defender, I’ll bet it’s Jakovic that gets bumped, not James.
Zayner: 4. Reminds me of Ben Stiller’s dance scene in Along Came Polly: lots of effort, not a whole lot of skill.
Morsink: 5.5. If people call him “Mor-stink” when he’s bad, then I think it’s only fair to call him “MORE-sink!” when he’s good. Except that that’s idiotic.
Najar: 6.5. Would have been higher if he hadn’t spent the last 15 minutes of the game trying to get thrown out.
Quaranta: 3. The Koala survived because it had no predators. Tino stays in the lineup because we have not other credible options on the wing.
Boskovic: 6. Finally showed some flashes of quality, though he seemed to tire at the end.
Hernandez: 5.5. Will Hernandez score this year? If he doesn’t can United possibly bring him back next year?
Allsopp: 3. I’ll bet if you check the 2011 media guide for the Melbourne Victory, Allsopp is already in there.
Box Seats blogger
| September 26, 2010; 9:09 PM ET
Categories: Jeff Maurer, United | Tags: DC United-Houston, game diary, player ratings
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