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Posted at 8:57 AM ET, 12/17/2010

Dallas week: the battle for the bottom

By Evan Bliss

Wade Phillips is gone. So is Tatalia, Barzini, the heads of all the five families. A bit of remembrance before crucifying his replacement...

First thing I'll miss is Wade's sense of humor: when he told his players to get their ring fingers ready on an episode of HBO's Hard Knocks during the pre-season, alluding to Super Bowl victory, but he still hadn't won a playoff game.

Second thing I'll treasure will be Wade's keen player management: taking disputably the best group of players in the NFL, Bill Parcells' masterpiece, and turning them into a 1-7 situational dramedy.

That's about it. I haven't really missed him too much, but I do owe him for not winning when it counted and failing "Leadership 101", which he was auditing from Professor Parcells.

Onto disliking Jason Garrett, which isn't even a challenge. Reasons:

  1. Played college football at Princeton, where they play beer-pong with Mimosas (because it's Princeton colors), only to transfer to Columbia because of daddy, only to transfer back to Princeton after his daddy got fired.
  2. Troy Aikman's back-up quarterback in the NFL.
  3. He's a Ginger Kid (red hair, pale skin, freckles, soul-less - see South Park Season 9, Ep. 11)
  4. T.O. thought he was discriminatory for only talking to Tony Romo and Jason Witten.
  5. Being Dallas' head coach is his dream job (too bad he's only the interim).
  6. Since the Wade Phillips ousting, Jason Garrett's Cowpies are 3-2, and Shanahan's Redskins are 1-4.

Although both teams are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention this year, this game is still incredibly significant to both teams, even if the rest of the NFL world won’t give this matchup the time of day. Washington has skidded to 5-8, and Dallas has upped themselves to 4-9. A  Dallas win puts Washington on the bottom of the NFC East due to alphabetical order when teams are tied and split, which they would be should Dallas be victorious on Sunday.

A Redskins win denotes a sweep over Dallas this year, and a guaranteed third place finish in the NFC East in 2010. Both of those should be considered satisfactory, and any Redskin who “Fat Albert’s” a play (i.e.: watching a play unfold while laying on your belly) should be shown the door.

Shanahan’s proven that even though the playoffs are no longer relevant, no one on the roster is safe, except maybe Graham Gano, who probably possesses some incriminating photos of Shanahan in leather chaps. Any player taking plays off against Dallas should be released, and no fan, nor coach nor player, nor owner should feel bad about letting that slacker go.

It’s time for some urgency around Redskins Park. It’s time for some accountability at Redskins Park. Playoffs are gone, but Dallas is still here. Dallas week still means the same thing around these parts, and if Shanahan is willing to get rid of all the old exercise equipment, relieve most of the old staff, trash the entire old playbook, trade-in the old 4-3 defense, suspended his best 100 million dollar man player, and cut the best holder in the game, he better be willing to keep going the distance until the Redskins actually get somewhere.

By Evan Bliss  | December 17, 2010; 8:57 AM ET
Categories:  Evan Bliss, Redskins  | Tags:  Evan Bliss, Redskins  
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