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Posted at 11:17 AM ET, 12/22/2010

The "Alexander Semin is Your Crazy Ex-girlfriend" scale

By Ryan Cooper

In last night’s game against New Jersey, Alexander Semin was on another level. Unfortunately, that level was on the “Alexander Semin Is Your Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Scale, where he topped out at Level 4 (the Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes”). Let’s look at the craziness scale I’ve created for the mercurial winger.

Level 1 – Barbara Hershey’s character in Hoosiers

Calm on the surface, yet bitingly critical underneath. Also known as the “any woman in a sports movie”. This Sasha is one that will wing a few shots into the boards, but go unnoticed for the most part. Never goes farther into the zone than the circles.

Level 2The girl from the Dwight Yoakam “Intentional Heartache” video

Explosion on a comic level. Turnovers and attempted dekes that make you do nothing but shake your head and laugh.

Level 3 – Tony Soprano’s Russian Girlfriend

The Crazy Sasha. He makes plays where it seems like his brain patter is producing nothing but static. Usually produces a turnover that leads to a goal that causes violent weeping. Epic circling that makes you miss Nylander.

Level 4 – The Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

Burns down the house. Incomprehensible dangles at the opposing blue line that lead to multiple, momentum killing odd-man rushes at the other end. A stick foul.

Level 5 – Barbara Hershey’s character in The Natural

Level 6 – Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction

The violent Crazy Sasha. At least three stick fouls. Maybe a hold or two.

Level 7 – The Amy Fisher

The Granddaddy. Multiple stick fouls. Out for a bunch of goals against, 10+ shots into the glass. Repeated drop passes to the opponents. Dangles just to dangle. Crosschecking John-Michael Liles in the head.

By Ryan Cooper  | December 22, 2010; 11:17 AM ET
Categories:  Capitals, Ryan Cooper  | Tags:  Capitals, Ryan Cooper  
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Comments

Which is the one that carried the offense at the beginning of the season?

Posted by: GFisher1 | December 22, 2010 11:50 AM | Report abuse

@GFisher1
That would be the awesome sex that led her to be the girlfriend in the first place...

Posted by: jhorstma | December 22, 2010 1:37 PM | Report abuse

GONG!

Posted by: CapsNut | December 22, 2010 1:49 PM | Report abuse

Very funny, BUT he obviously wasn't feeling well; he not only recently (probably still has) had flu, but limped badly after the Rangers game. AND he was sent off during the Avalanche game when he was clearly frustrated and lashing out. Look, the poor guy has this rep of being fragile, lazy, selfish etc., despite his huge talent. The pressure he's under also means he has to be at his consistent best to score a big contract( and stay with the Caps) GIVE HIM A BREAK!

Posted by: ophelia2 | December 22, 2010 4:38 PM | Report abuse

@ophelia2

He had missed the practice the day before the Avs game due to the flu. Prior to that, there were reports that he was suffering from some nagging problem.

Obviously, the guy was in less than stellar health at that time. A healthy Semin would have had a better chance of maintaining self-control.

Agree, give him a break. He played vs NJ when he was considered "doubtful" the previous day and "questionable" that day.

Posted by: CapsFan75 | December 23, 2010 7:29 AM | Report abuse

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