The "Alexander Semin is Your Crazy Ex-girlfriend" scale
In last night’s game against New Jersey, Alexander Semin was on another level. Unfortunately, that level was on the “Alexander Semin Is Your Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Scale, where he topped out at Level 4 (the Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes”). Let’s look at the craziness scale I’ve created for the mercurial winger.
Level 1 – Barbara Hershey’s character in Hoosiers
Calm on the surface, yet bitingly critical underneath. Also known as the “any woman in a sports movie”. This Sasha is one that will wing a few shots into the boards, but go unnoticed for the most part. Never goes farther into the zone than the circles.
Explosion on a comic level. Turnovers and attempted dekes that make you do nothing but shake your head and laugh.
Level 3 – Tony Soprano’s Russian Girlfriend
The Crazy Sasha. He makes plays where it seems like his brain patter is producing nothing but static. Usually produces a turnover that leads to a goal that causes violent weeping. Epic circling that makes you miss Nylander.
Level 4 – The Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes
Burns down the house. Incomprehensible dangles at the opposing blue line that lead to multiple, momentum killing odd-man rushes at the other end. A stick foul.
Level 5 – Barbara Hershey’s character in The Natural
Level 6 – Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction
The violent Crazy Sasha. At least three stick fouls. Maybe a hold or two.
Level 7 – The Amy Fisher
The Granddaddy. Multiple stick fouls. Out for a bunch of goals against, 10+ shots into the glass. Repeated drop passes to the opponents. Dangles just to dangle. Crosschecking John-Michael Liles in the head.
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