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Posted at 12:43 PM ET, 05/24/2006

How to Curse Your Celebrity Child

By Liz Kelly

Two things were made clear to me in the last several hours. 1. Geri Halliwell wasn't called "Smart" Spice or even "Appropriate" Spice and with good reason. 2. Distracted by Brangelina and their rumored intention to name their baby "Africa," we lent our help to the wrong bundle of joy.


Geri Halliwell, aka "Tasteless" Spice. (AP)

But how were we to know about the horror that was unfolding halfway around the world?

In the recent crush of celebrity gestations and spawnings, you might have missed the fact that a B-level pop singer who wasn't lucky enough to marry a soccer star star footballer was expecting: Yes, the afore-mentioned Halliwell, aka "Ginger" Spice.

Halliwell's child, a baby girl, was born May 14 in London.

And with an over-the-top disregard for all that is right and good in this world, she's topped a very able entry from Gwyneth Paltrow (Apple) when it comes to naming children. She may even have outdone Penn Jillette who, as we have reported here before, gave his child one of the most ridiculous baby names ever: Moxie CrimeFighter.

Halliwell's choice? Bluebell Madonna.

Since we were unable to prevent this abomination from being attached to a blameless child, I'd like to take this opportunity to plead with other celebrities to take note:

Your children, though privileged, may already face some pretty difficult growing pains. If you are a successful A-lister, your child might spend his formative years bedeviled by a compulsion to live up to your reputation. If you are more of a B, C or D-lister your little one may come in for quite a ribbing from schoolyard chums ("Your daddy didn't even make the Billboard Hot 100!"). Do not add to your child's woes with a name that can in any way be mistaken for something with humor value, for instance one that simultaneously conjures up images of a Victorian era burlesque dancer and a religious icon.

Don't make me write this entry again.

By Liz Kelly  | May 24, 2006; 12:43 PM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Celebritology 101, Miscellaneous  
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Comments

Bluebell conjures up childhood memories of ice cream (http://www.bluebell.com). As long as little Bluebell provides her pals with the free gooey stuff, she'll be fine. Could've been Butterball.

Posted by: Lunchtime | May 24, 2006 1:13 PM | Report abuse

Maybe she is a huge fan of Gone with the Wind....??? Rhett and Scarlet named their daughter Bonnie Bluebell Butler!

Posted by: KBG | May 24, 2006 2:11 PM | Report abuse

Bluebell conjures up childhood memories of ice cream (http://www.bluebell.com). As long as little Bluebell provides her pals with the free gooey stuff, she'll be fine. Could've been Butterball.

Posted by: Lunchtime | May 24, 2006 01:13 PM

Yuck! Sorry, that has too many skeevy connotations even for ME!

Posted by: A. Nony Mouse | May 24, 2006 3:10 PM | Report abuse

No one will ever beat the name of the guy who used to do the safety inspections at the gas station on Lee Highway near my home in the late 80's. I checked his inspector's certificate to verify this name- Maddog Zoomzoom Moonchild.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 24, 2006 3:14 PM | Report abuse

I remember that guy! Everytime I tell someone about him, they think I am lying. I wish I had saved my inspection receipts, because that is how he signed them. He was actually in the paper because he had his name legally changed to that.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 24, 2006 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Bluebell Madonna = B.M.

Having the initials B.M. will definitely be difficult to overcome on the playgound.

Posted by: Maria | May 24, 2006 3:41 PM | Report abuse

Puh-lease. There are lots of knicknames that can come out of that name. These are not the first celebrities to use odd names. Remember Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa? Last I looked they were doing o.k. And about Apple--I actually knew a woman in NYC with that name. She was Asian, but nobody batted an eye.I think it would be worse to call a kid a name that had changed from a boys name to a girls' name, i.e. Ashleigh (GWTW) to Ashley, Robin to Robyn, etc. Hey--maybe it's like Johnny Cash in the song "A boy named Sue." They are trying to PROTECT their kids! Or not.

Posted by: AA | May 24, 2006 4:28 PM | Report abuse

or rather, nicknames

Posted by: AA | May 24, 2006 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Liz, Relax. It's just a name. Your anger/frustration with creative baby names seems silly, especially when there really are kids out there who have traumatic lives whatever they're named.
In rural, funky New England, where I live, all the kids have odd names, it's just a reflection of the spirit of the community.
--Friend of Giada, Django, Bear, Stella, Zepher, Frosty, Sequoya, Rex...

Posted by: Anonymous | May 24, 2006 5:49 PM | Report abuse

I think Scarlett's unfortunate child was actually named Bonnie Blue, after the song "bonnie blue flag" from the civil war era (the character died young in an equestrian accident that broke Rhett's heart). Bluebell conjures up a picture of a cow along the lines of Borden's Elsie the cow.

Posted by: ohio | May 25, 2006 10:17 AM | Report abuse

If you're a famous footballer, why would you marry somebody like Geri Halliwell? She's cute, but old. I mean, you can get actual hot chicks who don't come with so much baggage.

When I see her picture, it reminds me that if god didn't make men so h*rney, the human race would die off in about 3 generations.

Posted by: Is that the best he can do? | May 25, 2006 11:17 AM | Report abuse

Actually, David Beckham married Posh Spice aka Victoria Beckham, not Geri Halliwell.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 25, 2006 2:44 PM | Report abuse

//Giada, Django, Bear, Stella, Zepher, Frosty, Sequoya, Rex//
Uh . . . Frosty, Rex, Sequoya and Zephyr are the names of horses at the barn where I ride.

Posted by: E in DC | May 25, 2006 4:39 PM | Report abuse

What's wrong with the name "Stella"?

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Posted by: insurance auto | June 20, 2006 5:08 AM | Report abuse

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Posted by: leon | August 11, 2006 8:57 PM | Report abuse

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