How to Curse Your Celebrity Child
Two things were made clear to me in the last several hours. 1. Geri Halliwell wasn't called "Smart" Spice or even "Appropriate" Spice and with good reason. 2. Distracted by Brangelina and their rumored intention to name their baby "Africa," we lent our help to the wrong bundle of joy.
But how were we to know about the horror that was unfolding halfway around the world?
In the recent crush of celebrity gestations and spawnings, you might have missed the fact that a B-level pop singer who wasn't lucky enough to marry a
soccer star star footballer was expecting: Yes, the afore-mentioned Halliwell, aka "Ginger" Spice.
Halliwell's child, a baby girl, was born May 14 in London.
And with an over-the-top disregard for all that is right and good in this world, she's topped a very able entry from Gwyneth Paltrow (Apple) when it comes to naming children. She may even have outdone Penn Jillette who, as we have reported here before, gave his child one of the most ridiculous baby names ever: Moxie CrimeFighter.
Halliwell's choice? Bluebell Madonna.
Since we were unable to prevent this abomination from being attached to a blameless child, I'd like to take this opportunity to plead with other celebrities to take note:
Your children, though privileged, may already face some pretty difficult growing pains. If you are a successful A-lister, your child might spend his formative years bedeviled by a compulsion to live up to your reputation. If you are more of a B, C or D-lister your little one may come in for quite a ribbing from schoolyard chums ("Your daddy didn't even make the Billboard Hot 100!"). Do not add to your child's woes with a name that can in any way be mistaken for something with humor value, for instance one that simultaneously conjures up images of a Victorian era burlesque dancer and a religious icon.
Don't make me write this entry again.
| May 24, 2006; 12:43 PM ET
Categories: Celebrities, Celebritology 101, Miscellaneous
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