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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 06/ 7/2006

Forget Paris (And Nicole)

By Liz Kelly

On Sunday, the new season of the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie ditz-fest, "The Simple Life: Till Death Do Us Part" premiered on E! Not wanting to miss the season finale of "The Sopranos," I dutifully recorded it. I watched it last night.


(AP/E! Networks)

I loathe both Paris and Nicole and my threshold for watching them and actually having to listen to them talk is about four minutes. I somehow made it through about nine minutes of this show before deleting it from my DVR and gouging out my eyes. It was the equivalent of holding my breath underwater for nine minutes. In which case, eat my shorts David Blaine.

The fact that Hilton and Richie are even still doing the show together -- despite a very public, long-running feud -- is suspect. Particularly since they don't address the source of the falling out. The only reference to their animosity is a coffee shop "skit" in which Hilton sends an iced cookie bearing a nasty message to Richie. Either they really hate one another but love money more or they've manufactured the rivalry to drum up interest in their various ventures, including this schlock.

What qualifies as schlock? Pretty much everything about the show: The premise of this season lands the girls (separately) in homes filling in as wife and mother. Nicole deadpans an offer to have sex with the husband of a nine-months pregnant wife and tattoos "ROCK AND ROLL" on a child's knuckles. Paris loses a battle of wits with a three-year-old (this is before she tells the same skeptical kid that the way to get out of future work is to do a bad job the first time). Oh, and all of this is done while the stick-figured halfwits are wearing 35-pound "pregnancy vests."

The show was a wasteland of stupidity in season one, although its novelty made it somewhat watchable. The novelty has worn off. Do yourself a favor. Avoid "The Simple Life." Maybe if enough of us give it a pass, it'll just go away.

By Liz Kelly  | June 7, 2006; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, TV  
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