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Celebritology 2.0: July 2, 2006 - July 8, 2006

Hollywood Mysteries: Where's Suri?

A few puzzlers to ponder until "Entourage" airs on Sunday night. Mystery No. 1: Where's Suri? Eighty days have passed without a glimpse of TomKat spawn Suri, who may at this moment be communing with Xenu to plot the total eradication of journalists and the re-release of John Travolta's Scientology-fi epic "Battlefield Earth." Either that or she's up to the normal 80-day-old routine of drooling, pooping and eating mashed peas. Needless to say, this massive delay in introducing Suri to the world can only mean one thing: that she is in fact an alien and will pass her larval (OR PUPAL) stage in seclusion, emerging next summer when daddy's next movie is in need of a little PR boost. I'm kidding. Really. Obviously, the delay is easily explained -- mom and dad either want more cash for the first pix or they are commendably sheltering their wee one from the...

By Liz Kelly  | July 7, 2006; 10:42 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (12)
Categories:  Miscellaneous  
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Morning Mix: Shannen Doherty to Co-Host 'The View'

Headlines: Look out ladies: Shannen Doherty to fill in as "View" co-host... Russell Crowe and wife welcome second son, Tennyson Spencer Crowe... Kidman and Urban back in Nashville for Independence Day... Sheryl Crow says she still loves Lance Armstrong... Justin Timberlake describes new single as "Bowie and David Byrne covering James Brown's 'Sex Machine'"... Robert Downey Jr. inks deal to write memoir... Small blaze scorches Ozzy Osbourne's English mansion... Pavarotti recovering from cancer surgery... Rumor Mill: Paris says she's paid to party (isn't there a word for that?)... Lindsay Lohan given Kabbalah name: Rose... Heather Locklear covers up "Richie" tattoo... Pamela Anderson back with sometime boyfriend Kid Rock?... Kelly Clarkson asked to drop a few pounds before endorsing product. Smart Celeb of the Week: Kudos to the other Hilton sister, Nicky, who plans to launch her own line of hotels. The boutique digs, called "Nicky O", will debut in Miami...

By Liz Kelly  | July 7, 2006; 8:45 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (7)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Celebritology 101: Mariah's Purple Passion

Celebritology 101: Mariah's Purple Passion Listen up, here's another for lesson Celebritology 101's growing syllabus: Do not look to the stars for advice or guidance on politics, diet, exercise, money management, driving or realistic aging. Mariah Carey before embarking on her purple foods regimen. (Getty Images) Although some undoubtedly live sensible, exemplary lives (the ones you don't hear much about outside of press junkets), you can never be sure when a seemingly level-headed personality will detour into the land of the absurd. Absurdity can take the form of sitting in a tree for extended periods of time, penning self-help books, acting as one's own stylist and, as you'll read below, dispensing illogical dietary advice. Mariah Carey, long considered a wit of some reknown acclaimed the world over for her demure outfits and scholarly bearing, has shaken my faith in her "smarts" by declaring that henceforth she will only eat purple...

By Liz Kelly  | July 6, 2006; 10:42 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (9)
Categories:  Celebritology 101  
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Morning Mix: Swank Discusses Lowe's Drug Problems

Headlines: Hilary Swank says soon-to-be-ex Chad Lowe abused drugs... Ashley Judd discusses treatment for depression... K-Fed says his "Popozao" music debut was a joke (I'll say)... "American Idol" tour starts without Katharine McPhee... Catcher gave away Nicole Kidman's wedding bouquet... Alexis Bledel ("Gilmore Girls"), boyfriend split... "Sopranos" stars reach deals for final season... Tom Waits plans rare U.S. tour for August... Eminem selling t-shirts, posters to raise money for slain friend Proof's kids. Rumor Mill: Publicist denies Britney and K-Fed's return to reality TV... Nicole Richie dating Jeff Goldblum (yes, that Jeff Goldblum)?... Wilmer Valderrama and Scarlett Johansson spotted cavorting in the Hamptons... Madonna planning to adopt a baby?... Ashlee Simpson to be face of new Victoria's Secret line... Spelling mansion quietly placed on the market. Hasselhoff-the-Hook: What is going on with David Hasselhoff? Last week, the former "Baywatch" star underwent emergency surgery after accidentally severing a tendon in his...

By Liz Kelly  | July 6, 2006; 8:45 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (4)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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It's Official: Paris Hilton Most Over-Hyped Celeb

The votes have been counted and -- minus complications from pesky Diebold voting machines, hanging chads and unpredictable Academy members -- we can safely declare the winners of the inaugural edition of the annual Celebritology Honors (aka The Lizzies). Let's bypass the tedium of an intro montage featuring Billy Crystal and a green screen and get right to the winners, who will be faxed a printout of this page suitable for framing! (Reuters) Celebrity Most Likely to be Insignificant if it Weren't for the Paparazzi and Celebrity Tabloids/Blogs The nominees: Kevin Federline, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Janice Dickinson, Taylor Hicks And the Lizzie goes to... Paris Hilton. Paris couldn't be here to accept this award so I'll just congratulate her on her talent for staying in the news while doing approximately nothing. The unprecedented interest in her social life, catfights with equally the vapid Nicole Richie and Lindsay...

By Liz Kelly  | July 5, 2006; 10:45 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (15)
Categories:  Britney Spears, Celebrities, Miscellaneous, Paris Hilton  
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Morning Mix: Keith Richards to Play Depp's Dad

Headlines: Jennifer Aniston named no. 1 "All American" star... Keith Richards to play Johnny Depp's dad in next "Pirates" movie... Barry Gibb buys Johnny Cash's Tennessee home... D-Lister Kathy Griffin splits from stealing husband... Brigitte Nielson to marry fifth husband (and it's not Flavor Flav)... Erik Estrada coaching Wilmer Valderrama for "CHiPs" remake... Keira Knightley says she's not anorexic... Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn and other stars will join Cindy Sheehan in "rolling" fast to protest war... Lil' Kim released from federal prison... R&B producer Dallas Austin pardoned on Dubai drug charges... Rumor Mill: Privacy starved Britney Spears signs up for second season of reality show... Vaughniston wedding rumors pick up steam again... Lindsay Lohan celebrates 20th birthday at $100K tabloid-sponsored party with Courtney Love, Jeremy Piven, Woody Harrelson... Publicists jockeying to lift Britney Spears out of "PR meltdown" (first rule: no reality TV)... Baby Kingston Rossdale (son of Gavin Rossdale...

By Liz Kelly  | July 5, 2006; 8:44 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Morning Mix: Independence Eve Edition

When I saw the items below I just couldn't bear to send you off to your 4th of July cookouts unprepared. Headlines: Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey officially divorced... Brandy to temporarily take over Star Jones Reynolds spot on "The View"... Film critic Roger Ebert in stable condition after cancer surgery. Rumor Mill: "Prairie Home Companion" star Woody Harrelson accused of "choking" photographer. Born on the Third of July: Happy birthday to Tom Cruise, who celebrates his 44th human birthday today... and to Lindsay Lohan, who turned all of 20 yesterday (Next year we can all chip in and send her a case of Cristal. You know, for when she starts drinking). 8-1/2 Mile: An extremely slick mash-up in which the masher uppers imagine what a Fellini film with soundtrack by Eminem would look (and sound) like. Celebritology Honors: Voting closes at midnight. Winners announced Wednesday....

By Liz Kelly  | July 3, 2006; 8:44 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (3)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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