Hollywood Mysteries: Where's Suri?
A few puzzlers to ponder until "Entourage" airs on Sunday night.
Mystery No. 1: Where's Suri?
Eighty days have passed without a glimpse of TomKat spawn Suri, who may at this moment be communing with Xenu to plot the total eradication of journalists and the re-release of John Travolta's Scientology-fi epic "Battlefield Earth." Either that or she's up to the normal 80-day-old routine of drooling, pooping and eating mashed peas.
Needless to say, this massive delay in introducing Suri to the world can only mean one thing: that she is in fact an alien and will pass her larval (OR PUPAL) stage in seclusion, emerging next summer when daddy's next movie is in need of a little PR boost. I'm kidding. Really. Obviously, the delay is easily explained -- mom and dad either want more cash for the first pix or they are commendably sheltering their wee one from the unforgiving public eye.
Mystery No. 2: Why is Keanu Two-Faced?
Is it possible that Keanu Reeves is actually two different people? Perhaps all these years he and an ill-favored doppelganger have been sharing his rigorous Keanu duties? Because I'm at a loss to explain how three weeks can wreak this kind of change on a person. And I have a long-standing crush on the man dating from his genius (and partly shirtless) portrayal of Martha Plimpton's hot boyfriend in 1989's "Parenthood."
Mystery No. 3: Why Would Nicole Richie Want to Date Jeff Goldblum?
It's rumored the two have been spotted together around Hollywood after Richie disclosed a long-time crush on the actor, best known for his starring role in "The Fly" (which came out in 1986 for any of you who weren't born yet or were only five, like Nicole).
Goldblum has always had a certain Corey Feldman-ish vibe to him: He tries too hard, is typecast as the annoying guy and never quite made that all important leap from dud to stud (a la Patrick Dempsey).
Don't misunderstand me here. Goldblum has been a creditable addition to some great movies -- "The Big Chill," "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai." And he's guest-starred on "The Simpsons," which earns him big points in my book. Something tells me this isn't the same book Nicole Richie uses, though.
Obligatory joke: I would love to be a fly on the wall at one of their dates.
Mystery No. 4: Why Would Jeff Goldblum Want to Date Nicole Richie?
Do I really need to write it out?
| July 7, 2006; 10:42 AM ET
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