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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 07/13/2006

The Unsinkable 'Simple Life'

By Liz Kelly

What kind of cruel trick are you playing on me? Is it that you're trying to slowly drive me insane and fill me with self-doubt? You know who you are and you know what I'm talking about.

For those of you out there who are blameless, though, I'll explain:

As reported yesterday, E! picked up "The Simple Life" for yet another season. Record ratings, they said. Feh. My initial nausea subsided quickly enough, but a lingering unease about this revelation continued to grow over the past 24 hours and I have only now figured out why. (I mean beyond the fact that this faked "reality" show features the dunderheaded exploits of two vacant rich kids who purport to hate each other ever existed in the first place.)

Simpletons Richie and Hilton. (AP)

When I wrote about Paris and Nicole and their inane little show last month, I had almost unanimous feedback from you people agreeing with my fond wish that the whole ditzy spectacle go away.

Here's a prime example from your comments a mere four weeks ago:

One "loathe" doesn't seem enough, somehow. Loathe, loathe, loathe, loathe, LOATHE. Wouldn't-urinate-on-either-of-'em-if-they-were-on-fire loathe. I mean, *really* loathe. -- Byoolin

That's right, your vitriol reassured me. I figured no one out there was watching and I blissfully bided my time waiting for the Summer TV Press Tour and for Paris and Nicole to go the way of Taradise. But, alas, no. Someone fibbed. Someone is watching. I'm horrified.

Just remember, you reap what you sow. This may not be fixable. Five seasons is getting dangerously close to syndication territory and an eternity of "Simple Life" reruns.

I'm going to go listen to comforting '80s music now with my real friends.

By Liz Kelly  | July 13, 2006; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton  
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No one likes car crashes either, but almost everyone will slow down and look as they drive by...

Posted by: Daryl | July 13, 2006 10:58 AM | Report abuse

Nicole is very witty but she doesn't seem to notice she's saying things in front of children, and Paris lets a little girl almost drown in her pool a la tommy Lee until her aunt (prudence from Nanny and the professor) pulls the girl out, ruining her Gucci boots and then she lets the same 6 year old girl walk down stairs in heels.

Posted by: rufkd | July 13, 2006 11:23 AM | Report abuse

My God, WHO watches this?!

Posted by: Jackie | July 13, 2006 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Clearly, rufkd is watching!

Is watching "Simple Life" like looking directly at a solar eclipse; if you don't wear special glasses, you can go blind? I don't want to risk it, for MANY reasons.

Posted by: Stacey | July 13, 2006 12:46 PM | Report abuse

I wish it were like a solar eclipse. At least then it would only be on once or twice a year.

Posted by: Daryl | July 13, 2006 1:40 PM | Report abuse

You know, I think all of you are jealous of the two protagonists of the Simple Life. You see, if you were a daft, self-righteous, uncultured young "lady" with more money than certain small countries, you too might feel the need to build on your war chest. What Paris and Nicole are doing is what's called a "Preemptive Strike." By becoming a promenade fixture in American culture, they have just completed another step towards their plan of ubiquity. It isn't enough for them to be on television, radio, SumYungGuy, clothing, video games, and magazine covers. They wont stop until their faces are printed on legal tender. These delusions of grandeur wont be delusions if someone doesn't stop these harpies.

Posted by: Zamora | July 13, 2006 1:56 PM | Report abuse

prominent even...

Posted by: Zamora | July 13, 2006 2:22 PM | Report abuse

I am disappointed in the intelligence of the human race! The story behind Nicole and Paris is worse than the story of Britany Spears and to me that is bad. God help us!

Posted by: snoootty | July 13, 2006 2:26 PM | Report abuse

Ah The Simple Life. The bane of my existance. That show which makes me want to violently remove my own eyeballs in hopes of escaping the vision of Paris and Nicole actually handling someone else's offspring. Much as I hate to even suggest the possibility... what if it gives them the idea to *gasp* breed. No. Forget I even said it. How wretched an idea. Why doesn't someone tell them to go away?

Posted by: Kate | July 13, 2006 3:45 PM | Report abuse

It's a Train Wreck.

And I LOVE train wrecks!

Posted by: Justin | July 13, 2006 3:48 PM | Report abuse

honestly, they are just making fun of us people who actually have to work sucky jobs for a living while they can just act like we are soo below them because mommy and daddy paved their way. i hate the stupid show.

Posted by: mudd | July 15, 2006 12:07 AM | Report abuse

Give Paris a break; she puts her body and soul into her work! Many of us would like to see more of her.

Posted by: Henry | July 18, 2006 4:53 PM | Report abuse

My gosh people its a television show. If you dont like it dont watch it. Its for entertainment its not to be taken seriously. Stop your whining people!

Posted by: trisha | July 25, 2006 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Paris hilton sux for letting that gurl drown

Posted by: luluy | August 12, 2006 8:05 PM | Report abuse

yeah luvey

Posted by: humey | August 13, 2006 7:19 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

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