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Posted at 10:45 AM ET, 09/19/2006

Dr. Phil, Heal Thyself

By Liz Kelly


Dear Dr. Phil:

I was recently drooling while sifting through entertainment industry press releases when I happened upon this one about season five of "The Dr. Phil Show."

I thought it was just more boring hype until I read this quote from you:

"My theme this season is 'I'm coming for you.'"

Are you serious, man? Not to overanalyze here, but you might want to consider something a little less, er, Freudian before Oprah notices. You'll be out on your butt quicker than you can say "Gayle's second chance."

Let's see. Maybe "Going all the way for you" or "Penetrating your paranoia with a man's point of view" would be better? No? Clearly I'm no good at this, but I'm sure you have a whole staff of fresh, young copywriters able to churn out more a appropriate press release.

If you ever move the show to late night cable and get naked with your new daughter-in-law, the quoted theme might be appropriate. Until then, please don't bring the sexy back.

You're welcome.

P.S. Some other time I'll write you a congratulatory letter about your astounding, odds-defying success. Who woulda thunk that an annoying, condescending Jeffrey Tambor look-alike would have found success as a TV talkshow host? Not me, buddy.

By Liz Kelly  | September 19, 2006; 10:45 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Miscellaneous  
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If I recall correctly, isn't it the Dr. Phil/Oprah tandem that thinks that if you look at a Playboy you've got some pathology that shows you hate women?

I guess it proves that Oprah is insecure and Phil will say anything to make money.

Posted by: Bunkley | September 19, 2006 11:28 AM | Report abuse

"Jeffrey Tambor look-alike" hahahahaha

Posted by: not bluto | September 19, 2006 12:03 PM | Report abuse

come on, liz. you can do better than this. i mean, i KNOW i'm immature, but i expect more from you. there are soooo many other things to slam dr. phil for. for instance, instead of coming for us, why doesn't he go for his own family? when is robin going to cop to plastic surgery? you KNOW she's doing something!! and his son is married to a nudie model. yuck!

Posted by: wats | September 19, 2006 12:20 PM | Report abuse

You know, I didn't take that quote with the same connotations; I read it more like Dr. Phil is going to be hiding in the bushes with a chainsaw or doing the Terminator thing (though I can't see him chasing down a car like Robert Patrick :D).
I think the thought of the stalker Dr. Phil should be enough to have people double and triple-locking their doors and windows at night.

Posted by: CentrevilleMom | September 19, 2006 12:25 PM | Report abuse

You made me snort.

Posted by: h3 | September 19, 2006 1:00 PM | Report abuse

dude does not resemble jeffrey tambor at all.

Posted by: joe | September 19, 2006 1:29 PM | Report abuse

----- spewed coke all over my computer screen!!!! ----

And joe is right -- Jeffrey Tambor is MUCH better looking!

Posted by: Columbia MO reader | September 19, 2006 1:29 PM | Report abuse

Way to go, Liz! You and Letterman should get together on a new Dr. Phil routine. Everything I know about Phil, I got from watching Letterman, and it's been more than enough.

Posted by: Anon | September 19, 2006 2:49 PM | Report abuse

...the press release also notes that Dr. Phil is consistently the second ranked talk show in the US. He's laughing all the way to the bank and then some.

Posted by: Yeah, but... | September 19, 2006 3:01 PM | Report abuse

I had to read it twice before I realized why Liz found it so objectionable, and I'm generally all over that kind of thing. I thought it was more along the lines of "Dr. Phil is gonna get me" which is pretty creepy, too. I'm not a fan.

Posted by: CAB | September 19, 2006 3:18 PM | Report abuse

This bit of spew from Ms. Kelly reminds my why I detest celebrity "news"... the "reporters" of it regularly demonstrate that they are such small, bitter people who barely rise above the ranks of gossipers. That they are paid for it speaks worse about those who enjoy it.

I followed the link to this because I am a fan of Dr. Phil and I thought this might be some substantive criticism. How wrong I was. Instead I get slimy sniping reminiscent of Jr. High. Thanks for confirming my view of the cultists of celebrity.

Posted by: Eric Anondson | September 19, 2006 3:30 PM | Report abuse

Wait. Dr. Phil isn't a Jeffrey Tambor character? You mean that's supposed to be a legit show?

I thought it was more like a daytime version of The Larry Sanders Show.

Posted by: Reston-man | September 19, 2006 3:33 PM | Report abuse

Aw, Eric, thanks for playing, but we all voted and we think you're the small, bitter sniper.

Posted by: h3 | September 19, 2006 4:05 PM | Report abuse

lmao, kudos liz.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 19, 2006 4:11 PM | Report abuse

Thank you for proving my point so concisely, h3.

Posted by: Eric Anondson | September 19, 2006 4:23 PM | Report abuse

Paging Mr. Anondson, Mr. Eric Anondson, your sense of humor donor has been prepped and the transplant team is ready!

Posted by: kurosawaguy | September 19, 2006 4:35 PM | Report abuse

I agree. It was slimy, sniping, without humor, and highly illogical.

Posted by: Mr Spock | September 19, 2006 4:56 PM | Report abuse

No, no, Eric, thank *you* for proving that people who hate celebrity blogs still manage to find a mysteriously large amount of time to hang out on them! Me? I have an excuse. I like celebrity blogs. (Well, I like this one - Liz is funny.)

Posted by: h3 | September 19, 2006 5:09 PM | Report abuse

How can anybody take doctor phil seriously?

Here's a guy who writes a diet book... all the while he's... FAT!

The man has a bad moustache (which is the sure sign of an insecure guy), his fame comes from being a yes-man to oprah, and I'm wondering what kind of person actually looks at this guy and says "Yeah, this is the man I think has good advice for me".

Posted by: Bunkley | September 19, 2006 5:17 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Dr. Phil can analyze where Eric's sense of humor went? Careful Eric--he's coming for YOU!

Posted by: Brian | September 19, 2006 5:21 PM | Report abuse

Eric, the name of this blog didn't make you pause before clicking through?

"Celebritology" doesn't have the same ring of academic or critical earnestness as, say, "Society and Celebrity: Interactions and Expectations," (or something similar...anyone got some good ideas?)

At least Dr. Phil completed the coursework (

Posted by: Doris | September 19, 2006 5:42 PM | Report abuse

You're really reaching on this one, Liz.

Posted by: Anonymous | September 19, 2006 6:57 PM | Report abuse

I am not great fan of Dr. Phil, but Ms. Kelly, you are just downright rude, crude, and obnoxious. Your comments are a detriment to the Post.

Posted by: Tom H | September 19, 2006 7:02 PM | Report abuse

There was a time -- not too long ago, when the craziest TV sh*t was found on Jerry Springer and Maury.

Today, the real whack jobs are sitting on the stage with "Dr." Phil.

While I think it's peachy that "Dr." Phil held Oprah's hand during her 'don't-diss-the-beef-industry' trial in Texas, I fail to see how this cornpone spewing, aw-shucks, barber shop oracle, is qualified to dispense help to truly messed up people in a mere 45 minutes and call it responsible?

"Dr." Phil is moving awfully close to the territory of that other blowhard, "Dr." Laura Schlessinger, and everyone knows what happened to her.

Posted by: Christopher | September 19, 2006 7:08 PM | Report abuse

Uh...just because someone doesn't laugh at something that isn't funny doesn't mean they don't have a sense of humor guys. I mean, this article would have been mildly amusing in a high school paper, but here? Come on...

Posted by: jazzmoose | September 19, 2006 8:08 PM | Report abuse


What happened to Dr. Laura? She was cancelled in my market (happily) and I have not heard anything since. I have to know! Thanks! :)

Posted by: I got a new attitude | September 20, 2006 9:35 AM | Report abuse

May a thousand mosquitoes bite you for the mental image you have given me.

Posted by: koolmoeb | September 20, 2006 10:03 AM | Report abuse

i just wish people on this blog weren't so repressed. i'd like to know how they really feel.

Posted by: b | September 20, 2006 11:01 AM | Report abuse

Come on guys - we ALL know that Liz is not like the rest of the Post... but isn't that why we read her? If you're like me, you trawl this site four-five times a day looking for new, amusing dope when you and I should both be micro-analyzing Bush's latest speech or the Fed's decisions. But we aren't. Here we are: reading even the comments! How weak is that?!

So her column is often petty and insulting? Big deal. That's why we tune in. Don't go changing, Liz.

Posted by: from Bogota | September 20, 2006 11:02 AM | Report abuse

And he says "let's do it" at the beginning of the show. Why not make a juvenile wink-wink implication about that?

Come on, Liz! You have a great blog but this entry is beneath you, IMO.

Posted by: Gimme a break! | September 20, 2006 5:50 PM | Report abuse

Dear Doris:

You say "At least Dr. Phil completed the coursework".

My only question is "Bounty or Charmin"?

Posted by: Bunkley | September 20, 2006 10:49 PM | Report abuse

I got a new attitude,

We just made a crosscountry drive (some 2000 miles) and never did we encounter on the radio that massage therapist named "Dr." Laura Schlessinger.

I think after authorities found her deceased mother dead for 4 months in her Beverly Hills apartment, disolved into the carpet, and the good "Dr." Laura blamed her mother for their estrangement, the writing was on the wall for the witch.

Posted by: Christopher | September 20, 2006 10:50 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

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