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Posted at 4:16 AM ET, 11/13/2006

Britney and K-Fed's Texting Transcript


It has been reported that K-Fed was notified by text message that Britney was divorcing him. While we won't comment on the um... maturity of such an action, it does make us wonder what really transpired. Luckily, we obtained the transcript, thanks to a well-placed source who prefers to go unnamed. The text messages are to the tunes of two of Britney's biggest hits. If you need a refresher, watch "Oops!.. I Did It Again" and "... Baby One More Time."

Note: This transcript has been satirized for your protection.

Oops! You did it again
You played with my heart,
Got lost in the fame,
Oh Feddy Feddy
Poof! You think we're involved
But our marriage is dissolved
You're not getting custody

I must confess, that your thoughtlessness
Is killing my sales
Of America's most hated CD
But those kids are mine
You sneaky serpentine
Writ me baby one more time

Duped! You think I won't win
I cut up your cards, the house in my name
Oh stupid Feddy
Poop! That's what you are worth
I'm the one who gave birth
But you might get to visit them

Oh baby baby
How was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here
Oh Britney baby
I should have spent more dough
And now the money's tight, yeah
Show me, how to get an attorney
Tell me Britney
Cause I need to know how much you've got

Boo! I think you're afraid
Of losing your fund, for all of your fun
In Vegas baby
Eww! You think you can win
My big heart again
But I'm not that interested

Oh Britney baby
Do you really want me to go?
Oh baby baby
The Manny was such a ho
But I mustn't stress, you're a tigress
That's richer than Dow
Don't you know I live on greed
But you leaving me
Is financial security
Quit me baby one more time

By  | November 13, 2006; 4:16 AM ET
Categories:  Britney Spears  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Headlines: Purple Reigns in Vegas
Next: Morning Mix: K-Fed's Tale of the Tape


very clever and funny.

Posted by: big fan | November 13, 2006 11:44 AM | Report abuse

What is wrong with breaking up with someone by text message

Why drag out the process by having a face to face which only leads to crying, screaming and begging.

Do without the drama; text message instead

Posted by: Alisa | November 13, 2006 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Ugh, you'd think they'd have enough maturity and respect for the other person to break it off face to face.

Hold on, I forgot who we were talking about.

Posted by: Anonymous | November 13, 2006 11:50 AM | Report abuse

Well, big fan, it is immature. EXTREMELY immature actually... I mean, they are adults. Britney wants to divorce him so what she does is tells him that by texting him. Ha. That just shows how strong their relationship actually was.

Posted by: Krissy | November 13, 2006 12:27 PM | Report abuse

Umm, Krissy, were you able to figure out that "big fan" was referring to the, er, satire that was the subject when s/he said it was "clever and funny"??

Posted by: clue by four | November 13, 2006 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Freaking hysterical! T

Posted by: sickofkfed | November 13, 2006 2:43 PM | Report abuse

This whole column is a waste of time for everybody involved. Don't you people have something more important to do? Geez, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Total moronic drivel.

Posted by: Don | November 13, 2006 3:30 PM | Report abuse

Mmm, that's good satire! It's neck and neck with MadTV's "Lick My Baby Back Behind" parody from years ago.

Posted by: Chris | November 13, 2006 3:34 PM | Report abuse

How dumb is this article?

Posted by: wondering | November 13, 2006 3:41 PM | Report abuse

Boooooooooooo. This was as entertaining as a Washington Redskin's game.

Posted by: Fitz | November 13, 2006 3:43 PM | Report abuse

White trash. Whaddya expect?

Posted by: Umm | November 13, 2006 4:09 PM | Report abuse

I dreamt I was at 7-11 and K-Fed was the check-out clerk.

Posted by: Sarah S | November 13, 2006 4:57 PM | Report abuse

What do you expect from a column titled Cebritology?? Pulizter prize winning writings??!! Geez...for the people who are trying to put others down for reading this...stick your head back up your butts.

Posted by: sickoffed | November 13, 2006 5:46 PM | Report abuse

I think it's about time that she got rid of K-Fed...or should I say Fed-ex'd him!

Posted by: D.W. | November 14, 2006 12:38 AM | Report abuse

This was sweet retribution for what he did to his former girlfriend, Shar Jackson. K-Fed did not tell her that he was leaving her until he was in a relationship with Brittney.

Posted by: SBW | November 14, 2006 1:03 AM | Report abuse

Song parodies are so rarely funny. Maybe you can get a job writing for "Studio 60" - they had an awful one in the second episode...

Posted by: Venicemenace | November 14, 2006 9:14 AM | Report abuse

Sickoffed: What do I expect... Pulitzer Prize-winning writings? Well, yes, I do! After all Washington Post is a Pulitzer Prize-winning newspaper. For the life of me I can't understand (a) why this newspaper would stoop so low as to include this column as part of its offerings, (b) why anyone would waste their time reading it (which I did NOT do), and (c) why you can't even spell the name of the column correctly. It's Celebritology. Now, for crying out loud, step away from your computer and go get a job.

Posted by: Don | November 14, 2006 1:33 PM | Report abuse

Few points, Don:

1. You might want to familiarize yourself with the difference between a column and a blog.

2. If you find the existence of said blog so offensive, you might be better served addressing a letter to the editors of than leaving a comment here.

3. Said editors might find your opinion more credible if you actually had read the entry.

4. People willing to engage in an argument about a subject in which they proudly proclaim their ignorance shouldn't be lecturing others about the use of their time.

Posted by: Just Sayin' | November 14, 2006 3:01 PM | Report abuse

Thank you for backing me up Just Sayin'. Don if you don't like the column don't read it and let those of us do enjoy it. I do have a job, thank you very much, and excuse me for having a typo. People are entitled to their opinion and should be allowed to express it freely here and not be put down by the likes of you.

Posted by: sickoffedanddon | November 14, 2006 5:30 PM | Report abuse

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