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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 11/28/2006

Terrible Two: Britney and Paris

By Liz Kelly

Paris Hilton with new best friend Britney Spears. (Cliff Sobel/Splash News)

Just a little over a week ago, everything was coming up Britney. The singer, long bedeviled by a millstone of a spouse with delusions of grandeur, had finally pushed him out of the McMansion. She also reentered the public spotlight looking trim, stylish and utterly together. She dropped in on David Letterman, skated Rockefeller Plaza, met with her former (star-making) publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnick and seemed to glow with the confidence of a woman sure of her pre-nup. Spears was back, baby, after two long years spent diminishing her brand in just about every way possible*.

But for anyone else out there who, like me, had already moved Britney from the "has-been" to the "come back" column, I'm sorry to say she's done it again.

Thanksgiving week was apparently one big spree for Spears, who seems to have spent the bulk of it as Paris Hilton's newest accessory. The headlines (and photos) are clogging the Web: Britney and Paris Hit The Town (and swap stockings), Britney and Boobs Party, Britney No Panties Photos Put Career in Jeopardy, Britney Lets Too Much Hang Out on Bender -- you get the idea and it's not a good idea, is it?

Last night, Lindsay Lohan joined the two for a late night revel, which is neither here nor there, but did give me an idea for a slasher flick starring three murderous celebutantes.

Anyhow, it's interesting to note that Hilton appears in the photos looking as fresh-faced and artificial as usual with a detached smirk on her face, as if she's introducing her latest idiotic pet to the world and standing back to watch it pee on itself. Look at this hot mess, her look says. Hilton publicist Elliott Mintz says the blonds are forming a "real" bond and that Spears looks up to Hilton (a crucial year older at 25).

Though Best Week Ever posits that the natural progression would have Britney's dating Fred Durst before the week is out, maybe someone -- perhaps Zelnick -- can get the girl back into her pre-Thanksgiving week glam attire, home with the kids, into the studio and away from Paris.

If there's one thing this woman needs to learn, it is not to trust her instincts when it comes to husbands, friends and clothes. Because you have to know you've hit the wall when you make Paris Hilton look good.

* 48-hour marriage to a high school friend, reality show, second marriage to cheesy back-up dancer in which groomsmen wore jackets reading "pimp" across the back, driving with child on lap, visit from social services, disjointed "Dateline" interview, questionable fashion choices, etc.

By Liz Kelly  | November 28, 2006; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Britney Spears  
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Too bad it's not just her cleavage that is being shown to the world. Unfortunately, it's other private areas, which just screams of desperation. What is wrong with our society where these 20 something year old women must show their nether-regions in order to get attention? Paris, Lindsay, and now Britney have all made the special "nude flash" to the paps. Why have we allowed this to turn into something that is rewarding? Must young women have to bare themselves in order to get ahead in the world? Why aren't smart, beautiful, classy women the ones who are successful? It's all fun and games for a while-- but this is turning into a really dangerous and sick trend in hollywood-- which means it could have really bad effects on girls growing up.

Posted by: yoyo | November 28, 2006 11:07 AM | Report abuse

I am not a fan of Ms. Spears, but I was saying a prayer or two that she would get her life together and learn from past mistakes...Then she goes and hang out with Paris of all people. Where is her MOTHER!!!! I mean really!!! With a custody battle on the horizon you would think she would be feeding the homeless and writing children's books. What a way to show the courts you're the better parent!! Tisk Tisk Tisk

Posted by: bored.. | November 28, 2006 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Warning to all starlets and wannabe starlets:
Paris Hilton is not your friend, BFF, pal or whatever. She is jealous of you because you have
1) Talent (maybe not a lot, but more than she has)
2) People actually paid money to see you in movie or in concert (Paris' best performance was free on the internet).
Remember, Paris is twenty-five years old and still does not have a job that makes her a leech.

Posted by: Lisa | November 28, 2006 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Do you ever get the impression that Paris Hilton is hired to hang out with people? It's like a get in the papers free card.

Posted by: secondthoughts | November 28, 2006 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Only thing that could possibly have been worse would be photos of those two making out.
What about the kids? Who is taking care of them, and how will they feel in a few years when they see these pictures?

Posted by: Barb | November 28, 2006 12:29 PM | Report abuse

Spend your youngest son's first Thanksgiving with him....not Paris Hilton. I always though Britney was a few cards short of a full deck, and this proves it! I really pity her children. I would be mortified if my mother ever acted like Britney!

Posted by: McLean | November 28, 2006 12:47 PM | Report abuse

From a male perspective, we are getting several steps closer to that Britney Playboy spread that I've dreamt about for the past eight years. Of course, it's getting to be kind of an anti-climatic train wreck with her recent "showings". But I'll still buy the mag.

Posted by: Justin | November 28, 2006 12:56 PM | Report abuse

Liz, where do we find the unedited picture?

Posted by: HS | November 28, 2006 12:57 PM | Report abuse

Talk about going from the frying pan into the fire. When Brit committs to a bad idea, she clearly doesn't do a halfa$$ed job of it.

Although I can't shake the feeling that a wacked out publicity plan is behind this. Who said, "bad press is better than no press at all".

Posted by: petal | November 28, 2006 1:01 PM | Report abuse

wait a minute, is Paris copping a feel?

Posted by: Fairfax | November 28, 2006 1:04 PM | Report abuse

This is the same woman who was whining about privacy a few months ago. Don't you get that you can't have it both ways, Brit? You can't flash your girly bits at photographers one day and not expect them to chase you into Starbuck's the next.

Posted by: Simone | November 28, 2006 1:25 PM | Report abuse

Well, birds of a feather flock together. Trash is Trash whether it was born rich or just got there flaunting it's assets.

Posted by: CatMcClure | November 28, 2006 1:28 PM | Report abuse

Amen Liz, making Paris look good is a sign that Britney is on her way down.
Can people seriously explain the "no panties" thing to me? I thought that back in the day I was a hip young gal, hitting the clubs and carrying on.... Sure there were no "pavorattis" chasing me n' my gal pals, but we always wore panties. Is it a generational thing? It seems to me that NOT wearing panties invites all sorts of ick into your body, how can you be sure that the car seat, bar seat, bathroom floor, whatever is clean enough to put your cooter on? And then you're wearing a short dress/skirt, so you're inviting photogs to snap you getting into, out of and sitting in the back seat with your privates all exposed in the breeze....
Seriously, how is this cool? How is this fun? And what about her kids? I would be totally embarrassed if someone showed me a photo of MY mother's nekkid cootchie, taken 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or even just yesterday. I'd think, "Is she really my mother? Did she buy me to make her drunken life seem wholesome?"
I was hoping Britney could at least keep her crotch covered, but alas...and still...and yet.

Posted by: miss belle | November 28, 2006 1:31 PM | Report abuse

Britney's just waiting for the Bush twins to return from Argentina.

Posted by: TBG | November 28, 2006 1:31 PM | Report abuse

I predict, Kevin federline and paris hilton dating if paris gets intoa bitter feud with britney. they would make good pairs since both made albums and dont have a good voice or talent.

Posted by: astrologer | November 28, 2006 1:32 PM | Report abuse

Now we know why she had two C-sections...Look, Mom no stitches!!

Posted by: Barb | November 28, 2006 1:48 PM | Report abuse

Simple Life 3, Nicole-OUT/Britney - IN!!!!! Plain as the nose on your face!!!! Paris is as dumb as a fox, or should I say FOX network?!?

Then there is the old Odd Couple rip off, trailer Park meets Hilton Hotels, complete with 2 toddlers in tow. Sounds like the new reality hit of Spring 2007.

Why do you think Paris looks so good in all of these shots? It's a set up folks.

Posted by: Melissa | November 28, 2006 1:48 PM | Report abuse

They are quite an attractive pair, and then there's that skank, Hilton.

As far as being out, well, knowing as many single moms as I do, I will say they do like to get away like any other woman, and with mom being close, the kids are likely being taken care of. Slamming Spears' mothering is kinda old, considering she does actually get hands on about it (anyone remember a certain Ms. Stone parking her kid and nanny in coach so she could flirt in first class?).

As far as the Federline bashing, that really fascinates me that people seem to think that celebrities should only date, breed with, and marry other celebs. Is this post modern eugenics, or nuveau aristocracy? So Kevin was an average guy, does this immediately make him a dirtbag because he had an extremely successful wife? God forgive him for daring to climb out of his economic strata, I guess the romantic story line in Titanic really cheesed people off, didn't it? How dare he bang a rich girl, did he wash before entering the golden vagina?

Sad, very sad.

Posted by: James. | November 28, 2006 2:14 PM | Report abuse

"So Kevin was an average guy, does this immediately make him a dirtbag because he had an extremely successful wife?"

Uh, he had kids with another woman that he wasn't (and probably still isn't) supporting.

Posted by: Duh! | November 28, 2006 2:26 PM | Report abuse

I'm confused. Wealthy men marry trophy wives every day who become layabouts and uninterested mothers. No one bats an eye. Britney does the same thing and her husband is bashed up the ying yang. Isn't there a double standard at play here?

Posted by: Yum | November 28, 2006 2:38 PM | Report abuse

well . . . I sure wouldn't call Federline a "trophy" husband . . . . isn't the trophy-appendage supposed to be hot?? He's perfectly gross AND talentless. Also, can you imagine if men started going around flashing THEIR bits and pieces?? Ewww!

Posted by: betsytom | November 28, 2006 2:47 PM | Report abuse

Boy now that the election is over this sure beats talking about Iraq

Posted by: Anonymous | November 28, 2006 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Liz, you spliced "celebrity" and "debutant" to get "celebutant", but I heard the BBC or some other site has already come up with "celebutard".

Posted by: new word | November 28, 2006 3:14 PM | Report abuse

"Wealthy men marry trophy wives every day who become layabouts and uninterested mothers. No one bats an eye."

Lots of people look down on trophy wives. Golddigging is golddigging, whatever the gender.

Posted by: Jagshemash | November 28, 2006 3:31 PM | Report abuse

To Duh,

Check the facts. He is assisting their mother with financial costs. Not through direct child support, but through picking up the tabs for their private schools and other needs.

Posted by: James | November 28, 2006 3:45 PM | Report abuse

Kevin Federline is an average guy"

If Kevin Federline represents the "average" guy, then men should be insulted.
K-Fed is a failed boyfriend, back-up dancer, weed dealer, husband, wrestler, rapper. One thing successfully about this man is his sperm.

I guess he can go into David Crosby's line of work.

Posted by: Lisa | November 28, 2006 4:06 PM | Report abuse

I'm sure this will go over well in court, since K-Fed is looking for custody and claiming that she's unfit.

The court will need to do a lesser of two evils analysis for those poor kids.

Posted by: Anonne | November 28, 2006 4:13 PM | Report abuse

To James: Check the facts. He is assisting their mother with financial costs. Not through direct child support, but through picking up the tabs for their private schools and other needs.

Do you really think the child support was coming, is coming or will ever be coming from his pockets? The same pockets full of hard earned, getting up and working everyday rather than living off your wealthy wife's cash.

Posted by: caroldc | November 28, 2006 4:44 PM | Report abuse

Britney: REGIN IN THE TWINS!!! Sometimes the girls don't want to come out to play, certainly not in a dress that ugly. Fire your stylist and go buy a good bra or something, yikes.

Posted by: Melissa | November 28, 2006 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Good Lord!

Posted by: Sujay | November 29, 2006 5:53 PM | Report abuse

Wow when I herd they were friends I jumped out of my seat!!
Firstly k-fed is going down and secondly when your parents say "I dont want you with that girl/boy" well thats what you saying to paris and Britney if paris does turn out to be wrong for Britney then so be it you are so not their parents!!
ANd if Paris is bad 4 britney then Britney will have learnt a lesson just let them be and understand them!!

Posted by: Celeb Patrol | December 7, 2006 11:34 AM | Report abuse


Posted by: ROYSON | December 8, 2006 3:39 AM | Report abuse

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