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Posted at 10:29 AM ET, 11/20/2006

TomKat: A Fairy Tale Wedding in Verse

By Liz Kelly

Tom Cruise stands tall next to wife Katie Holmes. (HO/AFP/Getty Images)
Photo Gallery: TomKat Wedding

Once upon a time
A bet I did lose,
When Katie Holmes walked the aisle
With that freakbot Tom Cruise.

The bride was taken to a tower
Swathed in cloth of great price.
Scientology advisors on hand
For any last minute advice.

Did Tom vow to Give her a pan, a comb
And maybe a cat?
Who can pay any attention,
When Posh is wearing that hat?

Who wouldn't at least scoff
Turn catty and dis,
When they overdo
Even their nuptial kiss?

Now as they frolic
On a honeymoon trip
I'll give rest to the sarcasm
Though I may sometime slip.

So, Congratulations TomKat
On your star-spangled wedding display.
Still, the mystery remains
How the groom grew two inches that day.

Join me Live Online at Noon ET to talk about all the wedding details -- from a cake that spewed rose petals to which star got lost on the way to the ceremony.

(Note: The last stanza of the poem was amended to correct a really bad rhyme)

By Liz Kelly  | November 20, 2006; 10:29 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, TomKat  
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Next: Morning Mix: TomKat's Wedding Serenade

Comments

Hopefully their happy and it lasts.

The one thing that will continue to confuse me as well, how in the heck did Tom Cruise get to be the same height as his wife!!! I could have sworn that even in flats Katie towered over him.

Is she on bended knee perhaps? Did the groom wear lifts? Or is it a Scientology miracle/blessing or whatever they have that fits?

Posted by: petal | November 20, 2006 10:12 AM | Report abuse

any mention anywhere about katie's family? were they there? supportive? or tom's for that matter? we see photos of all the stars and so forth, but what about the family?

Posted by: curious | November 20, 2006 10:15 AM | Report abuse

What is the over/under on this marriage?

Posted by: how long? | November 20, 2006 10:18 AM | Report abuse

Yikes.
"As the flowers fell, the couple enjoyed a rather excruciating three-minute kiss - stopping only after embarrassed guests begged them to. Then a 15-minute, £100,000 firework display was set off in the grounds of the castle."

Posted by: SS | November 20, 2006 10:21 AM | Report abuse

Her gown has a full skirt, her knees are probably bent. She looks like she's leaning into him a bit as if she needs to balance on something.

Brangelina could take a lesson from these two -- Wasting all that money on charity when they could be having a lavish wedding in Italy!

Posted by: b | November 20, 2006 10:42 AM | Report abuse

nice verse, btw

Posted by: b | November 20, 2006 10:43 AM | Report abuse

What is really amusing is that they were already married in L.A. Italy does not recognize Scientology (gee, imagine that!). So all this hoopla in Italy was just that -- hoopla. More publicity for Tom Thumb Cruise. There was no reason that they couldn't have had the ceremony in the United States other than the publicity might not have been as hyped (If that's possible).
Poor Katie is going to develop stooped shoulders if she constantly has to look shorter than Tom. So what if she's taller than you Tom? Get over it!

Posted by: pnina | November 20, 2006 10:48 AM | Report abuse

maybe there's a hole in the floor where they took the photo and her gown's covering it up.

she looks better than she has in pvs. recent photos... maybe he's letting her have food now.

Posted by: b | November 20, 2006 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Tom Thumb Cruise is an apt description that almost made me snort coffee!!

I say they Photoshopped some extra length on to his stubby little legs in addition to her semi-bent knees.

Have we started the divorce date pool yet?

Posted by: Slacking @ work | November 20, 2006 11:27 AM | Report abuse

Sorry Liz, I have no congrats for TomKat.

Katie Holmes is married to controlling nutcase. She should have listened to her parents, because sometimes parents know best.

Posted by: Lisa | November 20, 2006 11:30 AM | Report abuse

pnina, that was awesome Tom Thumb Cruise. That brightened the Monday morning gloom in my office.

Posted by: sickofkfed | November 20, 2006 11:39 AM | Report abuse

As soon as I heard about the over the top kiss, I flashed back to another marriage that started with an over the top kiss - Liza Minnelli & David Guest. Wonder if there are any other similarities between the 2 couples?

Posted by: justme | November 20, 2006 11:48 AM | Report abuse

The only other celebrity wife I can remember saying she had dreamed of marrying her husband when she was a young girl was Princess Diana. And we all know how well THAT turned out.

A 3-minute wedding kiss? PUH-LEASE! Further evidence that celebrity erases all sense of decorum, dignity, or shame.

Posted by: Janice T. | November 20, 2006 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Nice poem,
right until you rhyme "day"
with "day." About that,
what would Gene W. say?

Posted by: Brian R. | November 20, 2006 12:04 PM | Report abuse

We should all wish them well. No matter how you feel about Tom Cruise, no one should start a pool on a divorce. Give them a chance. Yes, I am a 57-year old lady writing this. You shouldn't with anything bad on anyone!

Posted by: Jean | November 20, 2006 12:49 PM | Report abuse

How about that picture of Posh and Beck's eh? It looks like he's marching in with a stand-in from Madame Tussauds. Or one strung out Spice Girl.

Posted by: Stick | November 20, 2006 1:05 PM | Report abuse

I think the weding photo itself reveals some of the answer on the height issue. Look at the freakish shoebootss that Tom is wearing -- there must be 6" lifts in those things. And notice how high they make the hemlne of his pants ride up. Then lok at his waist -- see how much longer his legs are than hi torso is? It looks like he's standing on mini-stilts.

You'd think with the kind of budget they were working with for this production, they would have spent a little more money on wardrobe.

Posted by: VoR | November 20, 2006 1:12 PM | Report abuse

I think Tom is wearing 1)elevator shoes, 2) a girdle or "Body minimizer," and 3.) a beard, as in, didn't shave for his own wedding! I mean, at least Katie did. Maybe that was why she looked so anxious as he was walking into the castle..especially in view of this icky 3 minute kiss. Poor Katie probably has a rash now.
Yeah, I also agree about the Liza-David kiss...sounds a bit like the same.

Posted by: Barb | November 20, 2006 1:40 PM | Report abuse

Also, "day" rhymes with "gay."

Posted by: Barb | November 20, 2006 1:41 PM | Report abuse

oh Barb! Liz can't say that! Don't forget that he's big on lawsuits.

Posted by: Bogota | November 20, 2006 1:47 PM | Report abuse

I don't mean to sound catty, but does anybody remember what Katie Holmes used to look like? She was gorgeous! Nowadays, she just looks tired and vacant. Is it the brainwashing? Is she still recovering from pregnancy? She's a shadow of her former cute self...

Posted by: dead, dead eyes | November 20, 2006 1:49 PM | Report abuse

Becks (or the nanny) really pulled tight on that skinny bow around Scrawny Spice's chest. And she's liable to put someone's eye out with one of those pointy shoulders. I need a Krispy Kreme.

Posted by: KiKi | November 20, 2006 2:11 PM | Report abuse

liz, how 'bout getting consistant with the links? either they open a new page, or they don't, and i have to click back. i would just like to know ahead of time, please! if you're taking a poll, i prefer the page to open into a new link.

thanks much.

Posted by: wats | November 20, 2006 2:21 PM | Report abuse

Liz,

Your question about Happy Feet beating Casino Royale at the box office reminded me of Entourage.

Ari tells Eric the movie numbers don't look good because all the hot mommies on the east coast took their kids to see a Pixar cartoon.


Posted by: Erica | November 20, 2006 2:47 PM | Report abuse

I wonder is TomKat are going to release a sex video.

Posted by: Stick | November 20, 2006 3:47 PM | Report abuse

Middle-aged divorced guy knocks up young girl friend. She has baby. They get married. big story.

Posted by: Koz | November 20, 2006 3:52 PM | Report abuse

Exactly, so is a three-minute kiss necessary? Isn't the baby enough "evidence" for Tom?
I can only wonder, obviously if this kiss was that long, it was, well, sort of damp? If I had had a kiss like that at my wedding, my grandma would have peed her pants.

Posted by: Barb | November 20, 2006 6:14 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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