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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 01/17/2007

Reality Check: B-List Stars Joining the Fray

By Liz Kelly

The Diceman cometh... again. (Photo courtesy VH1)

With "Flavor of Love" drawing monster ratings, it's no surprise that production companies are saturating the airwaves with even more burnt-out stars living their lives or thrown into unlikely situations. Below, a handful of new offerings:

Armed & Famous
Post TV critic Tom Shales describes CBS's attempt to horn in on the celeb-reality game thusly: "The show, which exists mainly to be ridiculed, features five feeble excuses for stars pretending to learn how to pretend to be policemen on the Muncie force." Those five feeble excuses, by the way, are Jack Osbourne (Ozzy's son), Jason "Wee-Man" Acuna ("Jackass"), Trish Stratus (pro wrestler), LaToya Jackson (questionable) and Erik Estrada ("CHiPs").
(Airing now on CBS)

Shooting Sizemore
Well, it's about time someone turned a junkie's home movies into a series. The premise: Character actor Tom Sizemore ("Saving Private Ryan," "Black Hawk Down") tries to rebuild a post-addiction life with the help of some plucky sidekicks. New footage of the actor is interspersed with Sizemore's own home movies of shooting up and whatnot, which VH1 says gives "the viewer a graphic visual depiction of his drug-fueled downfall." And I thought "Breaking Bonaduce" was hard to watch.
(Airing now on VH1)

Dice Undisputed
We get to watch the '80s-era stand-up comic, best known for adult-themed nursery rhymes, attempt to claw his way back into a career. My favorite bit from the press release: "Also thrown into the fray is ... 'Wheels,' his ever-dieting buddy; Todd, his witless road manager; 'Happy Face,' his stone-faced ninja- trained bodyguard; and Uncle Lee, his doting mentor who spouts sage advice at the drop of a hat." It's like the Fellowship of the Ring, but not.
(Debuts on VH1 in March)

Color Me Badd's Bryan Abrams. (Photo courtesy VH1)

Band of Men
Four aging boy banders -- Chris Kirkpatrick ('N Sync), Jeff Timmons (98 Degrees), Rich Cronin (LFO) and Bryan Abrams (Color Me Badd) -- try to spawn a new musical entity complete with cheesy songs and a stage show. They'll also live together, so expect hi-larity. Really, though, can't we just watch this once a week? Okay, okay -- how 'bout this? No, well, surely this is the right one.
(Premieres on VH1 this summer)

The Coreys: Return of the Lost Boys
Bad Corey (Haim) moves in with Good Corey (Feldman) to rebuild his life after years spent abusing drugs and allowing his "career" to languish. And, since this is A&E, expect impeccable production values and some kind of high/middle brow interpretation of this tale of two Coreys. I am so watching this.
(Debuts on A&E sometime this year)

David Gest
Liza Minelli's flamboyant ex-husband has signed a deal to take part in a six-part series about his life. If it's anything at all like the unaired pilot for a pre-divorce show with Liza, it should be good watching.
(Sorry, this series is set for a British debut. Let's hope someone YouTubes it.)

By Liz Kelly  | January 17, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  TV  
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Whatever happened to Scott Baio once he stopped dating Pam Anderson?

Posted by: not bluto | January 17, 2007 11:52 AM | Report abuse

So VH1 has become the new baptismal font for has beens to be "born again."

Posted by: Bored @ work | January 17, 2007 11:52 AM | Report abuse

OMG. It may be time to shoot the tv.

Posted by: b | January 17, 2007 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Even Willie Ames was on Celebrity Fit Club

Posted by: not bluto | January 17, 2007 11:56 AM | Report abuse

My cable bill keeps going up for this crap

Posted by: Lisa | January 17, 2007 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Wait a tick. These guys are on the B-List. I thought the Dice man, all of the tragic foursome a#@ man band and the Corey's were on the D-list. Does the reality tv movie them up?

If BBC America could see clear to adding the David Guest show to the fray that would be sweet.

Posted by: petal | January 17, 2007 12:26 PM | Report abuse

Wait a tick. These guys are on the B-List. I thought the Dice man, all of the tragic foursome a#@ man band and the Corey's were on the D-list. Does the reality tv them up?

If BBC America could see clear to adding the David Guest show to the lineup that would be so sweet.

Posted by: petal | January 17, 2007 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Yes, please explain how they are on the B-list but Kathy Griffin is on the D-list. Where is Screech in all this?

Posted by: not bluto | January 17, 2007 12:40 PM | Report abuse

The Corey Show -- yes, this is what I've been waiting for! I hope they have guest appearances from Kiefer and Jason, hell the entire cast of "Lost Boys" should show up for a nice dinner or pool party.
And David Gest? He most definitely should do at least two guest shots on Color Me Over, or 98 Reasons Not to Watch, or whatever it's called. How cute would that be?!

Posted by: miss belle | January 17, 2007 1:09 PM | Report abuse

I swear I had to read your intro two times to make sure you were not making these up. One cannot do parody anymore.

Posted by: LE | January 17, 2007 1:31 PM | Report abuse

We should all remember stuff like this when we make snarky comments about William Shatner. These shows make him and his look like Olivier on the (old) Hallmark.

Posted by: Stick | January 17, 2007 2:23 PM | Report abuse

I'm still hoping for a reality show starring OJ Simpson. Every week, we watch him look for the "real killer" on a golf course.

Posted by: BF | January 17, 2007 2:35 PM | Report abuse

Every week OJ could play the role of a real killer. Reenacting a real crime. Then he could tell us all what he would have done, had he been that killer.

Posted by: TMP | January 17, 2007 2:53 PM | Report abuse

Whoops, you p.o.'d NBC Universal with your first YouTube link under Band of Men. Something about a copyright violation?

Posted by: Scott | January 17, 2007 7:28 PM | Report abuse

Oh my god. What a bunch of crap. And Flavor of love.....please more junk TV. It is amazing what America will stoop to for their viewing pleasure's. To think it all started with survivor.

Posted by: Dan | January 18, 2007 9:28 AM | Report abuse

dan, i believe it started w/the Real World and COPS. those shoes brought out the trash waaaaaay before survivor was in production

Posted by: actually | January 18, 2007 11:03 AM | Report abuse

I want to see a show that puts together Gary Coleman, Trent Lott, Charo and that Cambodian girl who's been living in the wild for 19 years. They could call it. "Spunky, Bunky, Chunky, and the Monkey." THAT would be cool! I would probably watch it.

Posted by: Beefy | January 18, 2007 4:27 PM | Report abuse

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