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Celebritology 2.0: March 18, 2007 - March 24, 2007

Friday Task: Cast a New Mötley Crüe

(Harper Collins) A ray of metallic sunshine entered our lives last fall when rumors of a movie based on the Mötley Crüe bio-book "The Dirt" began coalescing into actual pre-production and "Borat" director Larry Charles (whose impressive resume also includes "Seinfeld," "Entourage," "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "The Tick") was attached to the project. But, since then, not much has happened to this Holy Grail of rock tales, which holds the promise of "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Decline of Western Civilization Part II" and "Almost Famous" rolled into one big fat decadent hair band orgy. The movie's IMDB page hasn't been updated in months and once solid buzz about Christopher Walken's being hired to portray Ozzy Osbourne is now shaky at best. Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee and Mick Mars celebrate the unveiling of their star on the Walk of Fame. (AP) Call me a dreamer, but my...

By Liz Kelly  | March 23, 2007; 10:53 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (32)
Categories:  Friday Lists, Miscellaneous  
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Morning Mix: Anna Nicole Autopsy Report Coming Monday

Headlines: Anna Nicole Smith autopsy report to be released Monday; Smith's diaries sell for over $500K... New Diana death photos to be aired... Brangelina donate $100,000 to Sudan clinic... Dina Lohan booted from "View" appearance... Jenna Fischer bares all for Wired magazine... Lily Tomlin calls "Huckabees" freak out "liberating"... Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet reuniting in new movie... Britney Spears wins injunction against British press... Jesse Metcalfe ("Desperate Housewives") enters rehab... Florida judge issues warrant for Foxy Brown... "Stella" author Terry McMillan sues ex for $40 million... LAX security screeners accused of stealing from celebrities. Rumor Mill: Johnny Depp's daughter had E.Coli virus... Paul McCartney dating British society heiress?... John Travolta not allowed to mention Scientology in Germany... Mark Wahlberg says he stole the same car 15 times... Eva Longoria's dog to take part in wedding ceremony....

By Liz Kelly  | March 23, 2007; 8:03 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (16)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Lost Analysis: Un-Locke-ing Some Island Mysteries

If you haven't yet watched last night's episode, "The Man from Tallahassee," you may want to do so before reading the following dispatch, in which post.com movie editrix Jen Chaney and I bicker, make lame jokes and generally kvetch about this week's episode of "Lost." John Locke (Terry O'Quinn) looks down the hatch of a submarine. (Photo courtesy ABC) Liz: A week ago I was despondent after being subjected to the third in a series of weak episodes. Last night's revealing Locke-centric hour pulled me back into the fold, though. The writers again managed to craft a show in which the back story is integral to the events unfolding on the island and that, my friend, makes all the difference. But since I can never be totally satisfied, I'd like to register my growing annoyance with Kate. Her insistence on stalking Jack to the Others' compound, her visible jealousy of...

By Liz Kelly  | March 22, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (80)
Categories:  Lost, TV  
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Morning Mix: Carmen Electra Says She's Not Dating Joan Jett

Headlines: Gisele Bundchen denies pregnancy rumors... Rep says hypoglycemia responsible for Nicole Richie's fainting spell... Paul McCartney signed to new Starbucks music label, sends Heather Mills flowers after dance debut... Photo: Jacko's ninja kids... Russell Crowe to make directorial debut... Elton John releasing all his albums online... Vivica A. Fox arrested for suspected DUI... Calvert DeForest (aka Larry "Bud" Melman) dies... Woody Harrelson's father dies in Supermax prison. Rumor Mill: Carmen Electra denies she's dating Joan Jett... Angelina Jolie sells rights to pix of new son... Tom Cruise orders Katie Holmes to cut back on shopping, calls Beckhams 18 times in one hour. Mystifying Quote of the Day: "If I looked like a tire, they wouldn't even give a damn. And I'm not that hot, trust me." -- Dina Lohan invokes auto parts to help explain why the paparazzi are fixated on her relationship with daughter Lindsay Celebritology Live: Don't...

By Liz Kelly  | March 22, 2007; 8:22 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (18)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Nostalgia Redux: Evil Grimace

Grimace. (Photo courtesy Wikipedia) Celebrities come in all shapes and sizes and recently, courtesy of a "Lost" episode, I was reminded of a lumpy, purplish celebrity who occupied a revered spot in my childhood pantheon of stars. No, I'm not talking about Barney or Liberace. The lump to which I refer is none other than Grimace -- McDonalds's lovable, dimwitted, milkshake-addicted pudge seen in all his goofy glory at right. Back in the 1970s, Grimace was part of an incredibly successful marketing gang comprised of french fry addicts, a thief, a grown man wearing makeup and a guy with elephant-sandwich-itis of the head. When I was being indoctrinated into the McDonald's lifestyle, Grimace was a happy fool who seemed familiar in that he had the physique of my beanbag chair and a vocabulary instantly understandable to children the world over; that is to say that he mainly communicated using...

By Liz Kelly  | March 21, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (32)
Categories:  Pop Culture  
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Morning Mix: Britney Leaves Rehab

Headlines: Britney Spears checks out of rehab... Angelina Jolie leaves Vietnam with adopted son; tabloid publishes first photos of mother and son... Bahamian judge orders paternity test for Anna Nicole Smith's baby... Keanu Reeves grazes paparazzo with car... Adam Sandler fills in for ailing David Letterman... George Foreman to judge wanna-be inventors... Pamela Anderson says she's better off single... Halle Berry says she'll never marry again... Bernie Mac plans to retire from standup... Former Brady Christopher Knight (Peter) opens up tattoo removal company... Mary-Kate Olsen, what have you done to yourself? Rumor Mill: Allegedly drunk Vince Vaughn disturbs diners at restaurant... Was Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest's "Idol" spat scripted?... Lindsay Lohan buys dogs to keep her sober, spurns Wilmer Valderrama's new advances... Paris Hilton splits from Stavros Niarchos again. Yawn... Victoria Beckham, who can apparently read, plans to start Hollywood book club... Janice Dickinson banned from fashion shows... Ricky...

By Liz Kelly  | March 21, 2007; 7:49 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (25)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Reality Check: 'Dancing With the Stars'

Heather Mills and partner Jonathan Roberts, who didn't bother coordinating their outfits. (Photo courtesy ABC) If "Dancing With the Stars" hadn't debuted last night, I might have been tempted to write about this site. But ABC's wacky dance-off did return and gets our full attention today. Though, after watching the two-hour premiere, I'm thinking that site might have more entertainment value. Even a soon-to-be ex-Beatle bride sporting an artificial leg (surely ratings gold) wasn't enough to keep the show from tedium. Easy-listening covers of already cheesy songs (Huey Lewis's "The Power of Love," Denise Williams's "Let's Hear It for the Boy") and annoying bio-clips of each contestant and professional dancer didn't do much to ramp up the excitement level. Dancers were upstaged by over-the-top judge Bruno Tonioli (an Italian choreographer doing his best impression of Armand Goldman) and the entire show was eclipsed by the commercial break premiere of...

By Liz Kelly  | March 20, 2007; 10:23 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (33)
Categories:  TV  
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Morning Mix: K-Fed Launches Search Engine

Headlines: K-Fed launches his own search engine... Leonardo DiCaprio meets with Israeli PM... Bobby Brown takes a page out of the Flavor Flav playbook... Gene Simmons and wife get his-and-her facelifts... Tori Spelling says being a mom "rocks"... Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker back together... Vanessa Williams gets Hollywood Walk of Fame star... Ellen DeGeneres launching line of greeting cards... Melissa Gilbert, Patrick Swayze to star in "Little House" musical... Don't call "Sex and the City's" Chris Noth "Mr. Big"... Phil Spector sports new 'do for trial... Anna Nicole Smith paternity case judge busted for smoking pot in public... Photographer sues Woody Harrelson for alleged assault. Rumor Mill: Meg Ryan's old house too expensive for Beckhams... Kirsten Dunst dating Razorlight frontman Johnny Borrell?... Did Ryan Phillippe have a sleepover at Ashlee Simpson's house?... Sean Connery wants to play James Bond's father....

By Liz Kelly  | March 20, 2007; 8:33 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (18)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comment Box: Is Britney Oops Prone?

A bald Britney. (AFP/Getty Images) Photo Gallery: Britney's Changing Look Not to be witchy or judgmental, but when Britney looks for a man what exactly are the qualities she's aiming for? I mean from K-Fed to an alcoholic frontman of a little-known band. Yes, prime boyfriend material there. Okay that was witchy and judgmental, but come ON! -- Washington, D.C. Witchy and judgmental you are not, although maybe a touch on the "hypercritical" side. But here in Celebritology you and your armchair assessments of Britney (and Lindsay and Paris and Nicole) are welcome. Part of our mandate as Celebritologists is to try to make some kind of sense out of the life choices made by these people. So, when Britney Spears goes from pop goddess to tabloid poster child in the same amount of time it takes Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera to transcend teen idol status to become...

By Liz Kelly  | March 19, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (31)
Categories:  Comment Box  
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Morning Mix: Jacko Registers as Woman at Hotel?

Angelina Jolie carries son Pax Thien Jolie, who is in possession of some very cool shoes, in Ho Chi Minh city. (AP) Headlines: Agency says Angelina Jolie's latest adoption was not fast-tracked... Judge orders Howard K. Stern to submit to paternity test... Chris Rock says his marriage is just fine... Oprah Winfrey opens second school in South Africa... Larry King recovering after heart surgery... Taylor Hicks drops 22 pounds... "Flavor of Love" spawns second spin-off... Tara Reid opens Los Angeles restaurant, but sadly, does not name it "Cheeseburger in Taradise"... Emma Watson says she will finish final "Harry Potter" movies... Phil Spector's murder trial will be televised (trial primer)... "Survivor" Richard Hatch says prison is "horrendous"... Peter Bogdanovich accused of bribery scam... Kid Rock won't be charged with shoving woman in snowbank... Carol Burnett sues "Family Guy" for "misuse" of charwoman character... Photos: All grown up Jena Malone ("Donnie...

By Liz Kelly  | March 19, 2007; 8:41 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (13)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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