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Posted at 10:53 AM ET, 03/23/2007

Friday Task: Cast a New Mötley Crüe

By Liz Kelly

(Harper Collins)

A ray of metallic sunshine entered our lives last fall when rumors of a movie based on the Mötley Crüe bio-book "The Dirt" began coalescing into actual pre-production and "Borat" director Larry Charles (whose impressive resume also includes "Seinfeld," "Entourage," "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "The Tick") was attached to the project.

But, since then, not much has happened to this Holy Grail of rock tales, which holds the promise of "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Decline of Western Civilization Part II" and "Almost Famous" rolled into one big fat decadent hair band orgy. The movie's IMDB page hasn't been updated in months and once solid buzz about Christopher Walken's being hired to portray Ozzy Osbourne is now shaky at best.


Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee and Mick Mars celebrate the unveiling of their star on the Walk of Fame. (AP)

Call me a dreamer, but my heart's of gold and -- not content to let Crüe drift further into the hazy oblivion of VH1 Classics and Tommy Lee reality shows -- Celebritology will kick-start work on the film by completing the crucial, tedious work of casting the movie.

Earlier this week, an intrepid group of Celebritology field agents spent hours compiling a list of possible actors for each major role in "The Dirt." That list has been reproduced as a poll to allow you, gentle reader, to decide which actor best suits each role. Once we've arrived at a clear candidate for each role, I will deliver our picks to Nikki Sixx, Larry Charles or (at the very least) some random receptionist answering phones at MTV Films.

Cast Your Votes and if you're not familiar with a candidate, a linked list of headshots is available after the jump.

Celebritology field agents Lisa Todorovich, Frank Thomason and Matt Nelson contributed to this report.


(Elektra Records)

Headshots (Alphabetized by first name):
Adrien Brody
Adrian Grenier
Alexis Arquette
Amanda Seyfried
America Ferrera
Amy Sedaris
Ashton Kutcher

Brittany Murphy

Clint Howard
Colin Farrell

Daniel Craig
Daniel Radcliffe
David Cross

Elisha Cuthbert
Eva Longoria

Fergie

Gary Oldman
Gerard Butler
Gilbert Gottfried

Hayden Panetierre
Heather Locklear
Helen Mirren
Hilary Duff

Jaime Pressly
Jared Leto
Jason Schwartzman
Jennifer Saunders
Joaquin Phoenix
John Heder
Johnny Depp

Katie Holmes
Kelsey Grammer

Lacey Chabert
Lindsay Lohan

Macaulay Culkin
Mark Wahlberg
Michelle Williams
Minnie Driver

Orlando Bloom
Owen Wilson

Paris Hilton
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Piper Perabo

Richard Lewis
Ricky Gervais
Rosario Dawson

Sacha Baron Cohen
Sean Astin
Seann William Scott

Vanilla Ice

By Liz Kelly  | March 23, 2007; 10:53 AM ET
Categories:  Friday Lists, Miscellaneous  
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Comments

The only actors to portray the Crue should be those willing and experienced in the ways of extreme intoxication. You know, intravenous injection of Jack Daniels to come down off the coke. ...or philandering enough to check into a hotel with a gang of, ummm... courtesans.

Tommy Lee: Vince Vaughn
Nikki Sixx: Matthew Perry
Vince Neil: Charlie Sheen
Mick Mars: that fool from that lousy band. You know... the one Kate Moss is always vomitting upon.

Posted by: Pompous Magnus | March 23, 2007 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Christopher Walken would be great in the movie. I hope they do consider him.

Posted by: f | March 23, 2007 11:29 AM | Report abuse

What is interesting in the casting is that once I felt like I picked the obvious ones, I had to think about the chemistry of the cast and tried to imagine how it would actually look onscreen.

Posted by: yanni1976 | March 23, 2007 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Don't know their music. Was it any good?

Posted by: dmk | March 23, 2007 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Wait a sec- you have access to Nicki Sixx? I have had a crush on him for 20 years. My friends don't get it. I think he is beautiful. Look at that face!

I think this crush will hang on another 20. At least.

Posted by: cabrio | March 23, 2007 11:52 AM | Report abuse

Step off cabrio, NIKKI IS MINE!!!

Posted by: Bored @ work | March 23, 2007 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Here it is - Ryan Reynolds as Nikki. Ponder the brilliance.

Posted by: steve | March 23, 2007 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Is it me, or does Vince Neil look a lot like Johnny Depp would with platinum blonde hair in that "Shout at the Devil" album cover? He's the got cheekbones goin' on and everything. Whoa.

Posted by: Julie | March 23, 2007 12:24 PM | Report abuse

DMK, no, no there music is not good.
It is very bland, boring and more than a little stupid.
As a Celebritology reader, bad taste is my guilty pleasure, but this is idiotic.
Bleah.

Posted by: A sensible person | March 23, 2007 12:32 PM | Report abuse

They rocked. It's music that takes deliciously little brain power.

Steve: Ryan Reynolds as Nikki Sixx could be a choice casting. Good call!

Posted by: Pompous Magnus | March 23, 2007 12:39 PM | Report abuse

You also have to cast Axl -- didn't he and Vince have beef?

I'd love to see Sacha sniff ants.

Posted by: tdf | March 23, 2007 12:47 PM | Report abuse

Is it wrong that I voted based on which actors I wanted to punish most by forcing them into a movie about Mötley Crüe?

Posted by: Joseph J. Finn | March 23, 2007 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Joaquin Phoenix is hotter than chili peppers on the 4th of July. He CAN'T be cast to play the funny-lookin' one (Mick Mars)!! =)

Posted by: ca | March 23, 2007 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, and Mick was older than the other guys too.

Posted by: tdf | March 23, 2007 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Should all be played by women.

Posted by: Barb | March 23, 2007 1:20 PM | Report abuse

I mean, how can you not vote for Gilbert Gottfried and Kelsey Grammer to star in a movie about Motley Crüe. Classic.

Posted by: Hehe | March 23, 2007 1:24 PM | Report abuse

This movie has Mark Wahlberg (because he played Jim Morrison) written all over it. Maybe Leo DeCaprio (Basketball Diaries junkie). Matthew Lillard (SLC Punk) cause he's awesome and never gets enough credit. And lastly, Mike Myers, because Wayne's World rules.

Posted by: Van | March 23, 2007 1:42 PM | Report abuse

I'm with ya Cabrio..there is something about Nikki Six that is just HOT!!!!

Posted by: Sharon | March 23, 2007 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Next Friday, can we have a slightly less niche list/task? Something hair metal free? Something for people who aren't necessarily between 28 and 34?

Posted by: Yech | March 23, 2007 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Van: Mark Wahlberg did not play Jim Morrison, Val Kilmer played him in The Doors, unless there's another Jim Morrison movie out there I never heard of.

Posted by: dym | March 23, 2007 2:29 PM | Report abuse

hahaha

11. David Lee Roth:
Philip Seymour Hoffman

Posted by: not bluto | March 23, 2007 2:35 PM | Report abuse

Late entry. How about Alan Rickman as Ozzy? If he can be Serverus Snape he can be Ozzy.

Posted by: petal | March 23, 2007 2:45 PM | Report abuse

Ryan as Nikki....oh yea, I would go to the movie 8 days a week. And no, we can't have something that is for people out of the 28-34 age group...this is all we have!

Rock on, rockers!

Posted by: Amanda | March 23, 2007 2:47 PM | Report abuse

why am i the only one that thinks rickman looks JUST LIKE trent reznor?

Posted by: not bluto | March 23, 2007 3:33 PM | Report abuse

I heard years ago that Johnny Knoxville was being considered to Nikki Sixx. I think he would have a decent shot at pulling it off. Nikki is gorgeous, dangerous, and a genius in a very sick, yet wonderful way.

Posted by: Lemondrop151 | March 23, 2007 3:54 PM | Report abuse

can we return to the "sensible" person that doesn't like the crue?

aside from their music being kick-ass, they put on one of THE greatest shows. even the second time around (w/o tommy) and the third time around (w/the band back together), they rank in my top 3 concerts easily.

THIS is rock and roll. not nickelback, etc.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 23, 2007 4:31 PM | Report abuse

With the Snape get up he does favor Reznor a little but I'm telling you he could do justice to Ozzy.

Posted by: petal | March 23, 2007 5:02 PM | Report abuse

This is not so much about the Crue, but in the voting page, Vanity 6 is listed as a person....when actually it was a band, with three women. There were two different lead singers, 'Vanity' and "Apollonia" (replaced Vanity). Scares me that I know this.....but how can I vote for 1 person to portray an entire band? :)

Posted by: KrasniGrl | March 23, 2007 8:38 PM | Report abuse

After seeing Jack Nicholson's shaved head at the Oscars I think he should play the part of Tommy Lee's penis.

Posted by: sonofabastard | March 25, 2007 1:48 PM | Report abuse

HATES Nickelback. I like *music*, kids

Posted by: Sensible person | March 26, 2007 10:48 AM | Report abuse

Requested Loan Loan Amount: Loan Term: Loan Program: Refinance, Home Equity Loan or Credit Line questions estimate of what type of loan you can probably obtain

Posted by: BESTFORPAY | March 26, 2007 11:04 AM | Report abuse

I think they should have Johnny Depp playing all four members. It would be awesome, different wigs, makeup and outfits for each one.

Then you could have Rickman as Ozzy, Andy Samberg as Jon Bon Jovi, Spinal Tap as Spinal Tap, Kiefer Sutherland as Ronnie James Dio (the height), Ryan Gosling as James Hetfield of Metallica, and Sacha Baron Cohen as Pamela Anderson.

Posted by: PRH | March 26, 2007 12:43 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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