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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 05/29/2007

Go Away, Lindsay Lohan

By Liz Kelly

Lindsay Lohan, she's got the whole world in her hands. (Reuters)

The story of the day may well become the story of the year. Lindsay Lohan has acquired the dubious distinction of being the latest in a string of celebutantes to face DUI charges.

Paris Hilton was recently sentenced to an incredible-shrinking-jail-term for violating her DUI probation and Nicole Richie's fate will be decided in court on June 8 after her own December arrest for driving under the influence of alcohol, Vicodin and pot. Lohan's moment came in the wee hours of Saturday morning when the 20-year-old reportedly crashed her convertible Mercedes SL-65 into a curb around 5:30 a.m. Lohan was spirited away from the scene by friends. Cops later located the starlet at L.A.'s Century City Hospital and charged her with suspicion of DUI. They haven't yet decided who will face charges for the cocaine found in the vehicle.

And, rather than keep a low profile in the wake of what is an undeniably sticky mess, a seemingly intoxicated (think buffalo tranquilizer) Lohan was snapped spending her Memorial Day alternately incoherent and retching. Maybe it was Lohan's way of going out with a bang? If tabloid reports are to be believed, she may check herself in to Malibu's Promises rehab center by day's end (lately vacated by erstwhile sloppy drunk Britney Spears).

Despite the tornadic vortex that is Lohan's nonstop party, she remains a working actress. A few weeks ago she walked the red carpet with Jane Fonda to promote their new movie "Georgia Rule." In late July, the actress stretches way out to play a stripper in the thriller "I Know Who Killed Me." Last week, Lohan said she'll spend the summer working on a new "urban pop" album and she's already lined up her next acting gig -- she'll continue with her serious actress/chick flick trajectory by co-starring with Olympia Dukakis and Shirley MacLaine in the dramedy "Poor Things."

Is it naive that I'm mystified by Lohan's virus-like ability to attach herself to projects? Sure, perennial addict Robert Downey Jr. (now clean, by the way) got chance after chance after chance, but he was and is an incredible actor. And, in the age of celeb-reality, even some of Hollywood's biggest trainwrecks continue to pull a paycheck and our attention. Both Danny Bonaduce and Tom Sizemore scored reality shows based on their rapidly imploding lives. Maybe this "12,000 strikes and you're never out" policy sends the wrong message to young stars and those who emulate them.

Maybe -- just maybe -- what Lohan needs is a cold shoulder, a little tough love that she's not likely to get from mom Dina (who recently said "This [premieres and parties] is the fun part of the business. She'll be 21 in a few months. Regardless, of course, as a parents, you set boundaries and scold them. But there are these dark stories -- she is so misunderstood. All she wants to do is act and have a somewhat normal life. When you're 20, it's normal to want to go to The Ivy, to go to the hot stores. She can't live in a bubble.") or creepy dad Michael, who calls in his fatherly advice to the New York Daily News. Hollywood honchos -- who probably aren't reading this blog -- stop hiring this sick young woman. Not only will it give her an opportunity to heal herself and gain some much needed perspective, it will hammer home the lesson that if you behave like Andy Dick you, too, will share in his fate.

By Liz Kelly  | May 29, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Lindsay Lohan  
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