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Celebritology 2.0: June 10, 2007 - June 16, 2007

Friday List: Call to Action

Another Friday, another "best of" list to lay to waste. Sigourney vs. Bruce? Our money's on Ripley. (Courtesy 20th Century Fox) This week, Entertainment Weekly has incurred our god-like wrath for daring to top a list of the best action movies ever made with "Die Hard." Ignoring the uncomfortable fact that the latest installment in the series, "Live Free or Die Hard," coincidentally opens in just two weeks and that EW also includes an interview with star Bruce Willis in the same issue, we'll give EW's editors the benefit of the doubt and confine our refutation to systematically dismantling their list and rebuilding it in the form of the one truly righteous list, a list topped by a movie that doesn't include Willis in a wife beater, Mel Gibson in a mullet or an abominable Keanu Reeves-Sandra Bullock pairing. Here's EW's list, hot off the presses: 1. "Die Hard" (1988)...

By Liz Kelly  | June 15, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (79)
Categories:  Friday Lists  
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Morning Mix: Oprah Tops Forbes Power Player List

Headlines: Oprah Winfrey tops Forbes' list of celebrity power players | Full List... People names Matthew McConaughey Hottest Bachelor... Spider-Man creator Stan Lee at work on animated Paris Hilton series for MTV... Angelina Jolie says mom's death caused her drastic weight loss, wears $26 dress to "Mighty Heart" premiere... Former journalist Barbara Walters gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame... PETA taking votes for sexiest vegetarian celebrity... Al Pacino says he'd consider "Dancing With the Stars"... Jennifer Garner is the new face of Neutrogena... Low ticket sales scrap Kelly Clarkson's summer tour... Bruce Willis and daughter Rumer to co-star in comedy... Stephen Hawking writes children's book... Sarah Gilbert is way pregnant... Naomi Campbell settles suit with former employee who said supermodel abused her on three continents... Judge restores Foxy Brown's probation. Rumor Mill: Lawsuit alleges Lindsay Lohan was drunk before 2005 crash... Is Nicole Richie pregnant?... Beyonce snubs autograph-seeking fan....

By Liz Kelly  | June 15, 2007; 7:36 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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The Art of the Celebrity Courtroom Sketch

Beauty, it has been said, is in the eye of the beholder and when that beholder is someone who lives and breathes celebrity news 24/7, beauty comes in unexpected forms. One starts to appreciate, for instance, the twisted world reflected by 14 over at Gallery of the Absurd and begins to annoy one's spouse by framing particularly striking tabloid covers and hanging them in areas of the house that are not my closet. Portrait of Paris Hilton as a young lawbreaker. (AP) So I was instantly charmed when last week's Paris Hilton courtroom sketches began to move on the wires. Stripped down to the bare essentials, courtroom artist Mona Shafer Edwards captured a frail, waiflike urchin surprised to find herself de-blinged, de-entouraged and decidedly un-hot. In the photo at left, we see Hilton in a new light: reduced to wearing polar fleece and trying to hide her face with her...

By Liz Kelly  | June 14, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Celebrities, Celebritology 101, Hollyweird, Pop Culture  
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Morning Mix: K-Fed Ex Says She's Not Pregnant

Headlines: K-Fed ex Shar Jackson says she's not pregnant, but Star magazine is standing by the story... Paris Hilton transferred out of medical ward... Steven Spielberg endorses Hillary Clinton... NBC cuts Victoria Beckham's reality show down to one-hour special... Paul McCartney plays "secret" New York show... Britney Spears asks fans to help name her new album... Dan Ackroyd gives his name to new winery... Joel Madden skunks up his hair... Two women sue "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis... Sean Stewart arrested for April brick-throwing incident... More sexual assault charges filed against designer Anand Jon Alexander... The Game rejects plea deal in cop impersonation case. Rumor Mill: "90210" alumna Jennie Garth signs on to "Dancing with the Stars"... Richie Sambora leaves rehab... "Starter Wife" Gigi Levangie-Grazer separating from husband... New Eminem album to detail affair with Mariah Carey. Bonus: The Comic Book Economy (via Boing Boing) Chat Day! Join me...

By Liz Kelly  | June 14, 2007; 8:02 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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K-Fed, Father of the Year

Kevin Federline. His boys can swim. (Getty Images) If fame were based on fecundity, Kevin Federline would finally achieve the massive stardom to which he's always aspired. This morning, Cindy Adams broke news to us -- and apparently to Federline -- that ex and mommy of two of his previous children Shar Jackson is seven weeks pregnant with Federline's latest release, offspring number five... putting him one baby closer to Bob Marley's massive 13 kid brood. According to Adams, who herself quotes Star magazine, Jackson (who may want to check her "Ex-Wives Club" contract before getting too cozy) is hoping the baby will bring them back together as a family. Perhaps she forgets that Federline spent the months she was pregnant with their last child, Kaleb Michael, courting Britney Spears. If K-Fed really (oops) did it again -- how will Britney react? Only yesterday rumors of a reconciliation between...

By Liz Kelly  | June 13, 2007; 11:13 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Britney Spears, Celebrities  
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Happy 21st Birthday, Mary-Kate and Ashley

Twin birthday wishes to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. (Getty Images) Okay, so Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen may have been a part of one of the cheesiest TV shows ever (because, seriously, "Full House" made me want to gouge my eyes out). And maybe the twins are partly responsible for a generation of vapid girls weaned on the sap of their multimedia empire (DVDs, inexplicably ginormous sunglasses, perfume, cell phone wallpaper, books, etc.). But as the genetically similar multimillionaires turn 21 today (all true Olsen fanatics know they are actually fraternal twins), it is only fitting that we pause to honor two young starlets who are starting to look downright genius when compared with others, ahem ahem, of their approximate age. So, happy birthday Mary-Kate and Ashley. I'm sure you'll grow out of the whole hobo/living Bratz doll thing soon....

By Liz Kelly  | June 13, 2007; 11:10 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Celebrities  
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Morning Mix: K-Fed Fathers Fifth Child?

Headlines: John Travolta says his family lives "nocturnal" life... Talent agency drops Paris Hilton... Parents visit heiress in jail... Inmates share slammer make-up tips with Hilton... Princes William and Harry still think about mom all the time... Rep says Naomi Watts and Liev Shreiber are not married... Kelly Clarkson fires manager... Curiously dressed Madonna hangs out with Justin Timberlake... Curiously accented Johnny Depp makes bizarre Japanese TV appearance... Curiously coiffed Katie Holmes resembles BFF Posh Spice... Jennifer Aniston signs on to singing prisoner movie... Samuel L. Jackson re-ups for "Long Kiss Goodnight" sequel... Phil Spector's DNA found on Lana Clarkson's body, but not gun... O.J. Simpson's daughter ordered to testify about scrapped book... Lindsay Lohan sued over 2005 fender bender... "Real World: San Diego's" Frankie Abernathy dead at 25. Rumor Mill: K-Fed fathers fifth child (with ex Shar Jackson)... Bruce Willis denies he's dating Drew Barrymore... Lindsay Lohan hires gaggle...

By Liz Kelly  | June 13, 2007; 8:01 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Forget Paris, Here's Some Real News

While important celebrity news sources like CNN and MSNBC have been busy inundating us with incremental Paris Hilton jail updates, some important stories almost slipped by unnoticed. Building on Celebritology's legacy as a hard-hitting well-rounded news clearinghouse, today I bring you three stories that matter (just as much as Paris Hilton): Bobby Brown vs. Osama bin Laden While our focus has been on domestic threat of blond hotel heiresses, ex-New Edition member and sometime addict Bobby Brown reminds us to remain on guard against equally menacing Saudi trust fund babies. In a recent interview on British TV, Brown renewed his call for vigilance against Osama bin Laden, the 9/11 mastermind who once professed a desire to add Brown's ex-wife Whitney Houston to his harem. "I feared for my life," said Brown. "I'm still on my guard. The most wanted man in the world wants you dead." | Full Story The...

By Liz Kelly  | June 12, 2007; 10:51 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Hollyweird  
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Morning Mix: Paris Says God Has Given Her a New Chance

Headlines: Oprah Winfrey tops list of most charitable celebs... Paris Hilton's fate dominates TV news; meanwhile, a jailed Paris says God has given her a new chance... At long last, Al Sharpton weighs in on case... Jamie Lee Curtis blames moms for out-of-control starlets... Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake make nice at London "Shrek" premiere... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber married... Dermot Mulroney files for divorce from Catherine Keener... Anne Heche's husband wins primary custody of son... "Access Hollywood's" Nancy O'Dell gives birth to baby girl... Daddy Yankee released from Florida hospital... Proposed New York law would protect dead celebrities... Steve Martin signs on to second "Pink Panther" remake... Carrot Top scares celebritologist. Rumor Mill: Are Britney Spears and K-Fed back together?... Candy Spelling hits Vegas jackpot... Timbaland arrested in German bar brawl. Say What? "My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that...

By Liz Kelly  | June 12, 2007; 8:01 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Celebritology 101: Parsing Paris

Photographers wait to feed our feeding frenzy with more Paris Hilton pix during her brief respite from jail last Thursday. (AP) A year ago we named Paris Hilton the most over-hyped celebrity. We'd had enough of the ditzy blond pout, the brain-dead gaze, the entitled ennui -- this celebutante scion of a hotel empire who had found fame as a party circuit and reality show star had already worn out her welcome with we astute observers of celebrity culture. Of course, we had no idea that we were engaging in premature condemnation -- about as effective as pooh-poohing cigarette smoke in 1947 or feeling a bit skittish about Vietnam in 1959. And like those two insidiously defining plagues of recent generations (lung cancer and the fog of war), Paris Hilton, too, has transcended her rightful place as a tabloid tart to become a cautionary tale for millennium, the kinkajou...

By Liz Kelly  | June 11, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Celebrities, Paris Hilton  
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Morning Mix: Paris Still in Jail

Headlines: Paris Hilton spending jail time in medical ward, reading fan mail, chatting with Barbara Walters... "Sopranos" cast gathers in Florida on finale night... Eddie Murphy due in court for paternity case... Dina Lohan ditches court date to visit daughter Lindsay in rehab... Angelina Jolie discusses home life, says she's lucky to have Brad Pitt... Mick Jagger joins brother's band on stage... "Ugly Betty's" Ana Ortiz marries... Director Gurinder Chadha ("Bend It Like Beckham") gives birth to twins... Dennis Quaid and wife expecting twins, too... Dougray Scott and Claire Forlani marry in Italy... Wesley Snipes calls tax evasion charges racially motivated... Accused David Letterman kidnap plotter escapes... Google Street View makes celebrity stalking even easier. Rumor Mill: Hilton's fear of prison pix kept her from eating, drinking... Former bodyguard says Lindsay Lohan was out of control... Is Criss Angel dating Cameron Diaz?... New book says JFK Jr. missed his chance...

By Liz Kelly  | June 11, 2007; 7:38 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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