Signs of the Brit-Pocalypse

For those of you who didn't vote for Britney Spears as the biggest celebrity train wreck in this year's Lizzies, well, I hate to burst your bubble, but Spears is totally crouched and ready to spring into a big ol' belly flop off the sanity diving board yet again.

Signs of an impending Brit-pocalypse are lining up like overemphasized clues in a summer slasher flick.

Portent No. 1: The blond bimbo bites it.
Britney dyed her hair black over the weekend, emerging for the waiting paparazzi looking like a countrified Elvira in hot pants. What's worse, Brit did the dye job herself and reportedly spilled the black dye all over her face.

Portent No. 2: More skin = impending doom
Following the typical horror equation, Britney's see-through top and bra-baring paparazzi show can mean only that the little devil sitting on Brit's right shoulder has like totally knocked out the little angel sitting on the left side. Expect random acts of insanity.

Portent No. 3: Cryptic messages
Brit uses her Web site to send coded messages to her minions. This weekend, she updated with these nonsensical statements aimed at her mother: "You'll never see it my way because you're not me" and "Mother to grandmother, and my my, you're grand." Chilling.

Portent No. 4: Plague of Paparazzi
Photos of Britney (Warning: not safe for work) in various states of dishevelment are replicating like locusts. Considering Britney's propensity for going totally batty for the cameras, no one wants to miss what could be the photo op of the summer. And, since she's recently returned to clubbing with a vengeance, opportunity abounds.

Don't say you weren't warned.

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