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Celebritology 2.0: July 15, 2007 - July 21, 2007

Friday List: Unlikely Celebritology Headlines

Inspired by smarty-pants Gene Weingarten's Googlenope experiments, McSweeney's hilarious list of lists and a predilection for the absurd, today we convene to create an alternate Celebritology universe, one where anything is possible and the improbable is to be expected. How? By creating a list of headlines we would probably never see in Celebritology. Our mission today is to craft headlines so outrageously unlikely, yet logical enough to make a twisted kind of sense. Like so: Paris Hilton Beats IBM Chess Computer Britney Spears Thanks the Academy, Fans for Top Acting Honor President Willis: 'Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.' No More Albums from 11-Years-Dead Rapper Tupac Shakur Frances Bean Cobain Thanks Mom for Solid Start Brad Pitt: Woody Allen an Inspiration You get the idea. The 10 best headlines (as judged by an esteemed panel consisting of me and editrix Nancy Kerr) will be chosen and displayed here Monday. Let's get started......

By Liz Kelly  | July 20, 2007; 10:42 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Friday Lists  
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Morning Mix: Lindsay Lohan Turns Herself In

Headlines: Lindsay Lohan turns herself in to police for Memorial Day crash... Dave Chappelle surfaces in D.C... Larry David's wife files for divorce... Benicio Del Toro to play Che Guevara in new Soderbergh film... Brigitte Nielsen checks into rehab... Sarah Silverman feels bad about Paris Hilton joke... Courtney Love writes indecipherable blog post... Jeremy Piven says his niece plays Will Ferrell's "landlord"... Ewan McGregor is new face of Davidoff fragrance... Tom Cruise suits up for "Valkyrie"... Tara Reid, all green and scary... Oooh! The Two Coreys fight on their upcoming reality show (video). Rumor Mill: Paul McCartney offers Heather Mills $143M divorce settlement... Britney Spears shooting video for new single "Get Back"... Production of Lindsay Lohan's new movie shuts down after Vegas visit spooks backers... Paris Hilton practices her lap dancing skills on Suge Knight. Say What? "I shoved him a couple of times vigorously up against the wall. It...

By Liz Kelly  | July 20, 2007; 8:03 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Extreme Fans  
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Highbrow: Are 'Faux-lebrities' Taking Over Hollywood?

(Joe Hadley for washingtonpost.com) The Pisher Kings New York Observer. With a dearth of fame-worthy men, overhyped youngsters like Shia LaBeouf and Pete Wentz are taking over our culture, our thoughts, our lives. Where are you, Johnny Depp? Well Written: "In the earlier days of cinema it was the big, hunky, male stars that got the names of those pretty starlets clinging to their arms into gossip columns. These days it seems the opposite. Would we really care about this Joel Madden fellow -- he's in a band called Good Charlotte, by the way -- if he didn't date tween-kitten Hilary Duff before reportedly impregnating Nicole Richie (whose origins of fame are almost as mystifying)?" Can Nicole Richie Get Pregnant? Slate.com. When arrested in December for suspected DUI, Nicole Richie weighed in at 85 pounds. A half a year later, she's rumored to be expecting her first child. How...

By Liz Kelly  | July 19, 2007; 10:43 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (7)
Categories:  Highbrow  
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Morning Mix: Nolte Naps on Airport Floor

Headlines: Nick Nolte naps on Hawaiian airport terminal floor... "Friday Night Lights" wants Rosie O'Donnell... Merv Griffin hospitalized for prostate cancer... Oprah Winfrey shares her pain over dog's death... Michael Jackson tours D.C.'s Air and Space Museum (last item)... Julianne Moore lightens her locks... Anne Heche wins custody of furniture... "CSI's" Gary Dourdan says paparazzi attack "exaggerated"... Amy Winehouse spits at fans... Is this really Victoria Beckham's leg? Rumor Mill: Britney Spears (who swims in her underwear) planning to launch comeback at September Video Music Awards... Brit had June "slapfest with" mom... K-Fed pursuing radio DJ gig... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes buy 3-acre California coastal estate... TomKat and Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith planning Sunday bash to welcome Beckhams to L.A... Heather Mills-McCartney willing to settle divorce for $102 million... Daniel Baldwin expecting a child with his rehab chef ... Suge Knight bites "Entourage's" Kevin Connolly... Michael Bolton and Nicollette...

By Liz Kelly  | July 19, 2007; 8:08 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Does Dave Chappelle (Heart) PWC?

With apologies to Celebritology's international audience, today we hop on the trendy "hyperlocal" train to talk about a little Beltway buzz. Dave Chappelle. (AP) Yesterday, rumors about Dave Chappelle's possible Prince William County, Va. hospitalization made the blogosphere rounds and had fans frantically calling in sightings to one local D.C. radio station. By day's end, a Chappelle spokesperson issued a statement saying the comic was hospitalized over the weekend for "exhaustion" and had since fully recovered. A friend of Chappelle's also came forward to say the comedian had been hospitalized, yes, but in San Francisco. The truth of the matter seems elusive and we may never know if one of America's funniest dudes was in fact confined to a padded room across the street from Manassas's Red Panda Buffet (where an all-you-can-eat lunch buffet in close proximity to where a major celeb may or may not have been confined is...

By Liz Kelly  | July 18, 2007; 10:42 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Celebrities, Hollyweird, Miscellaneous  
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Morning Mix: Britney to Host Vegas Club Opening

Headlines: Publicist: Dave Chappelle OK after brief hospital stay in San Francisco (?)... Britney Spears to host opening of new Vegas club... Lebron James to host "Saturday Night Live" premiere... Winona Ryder talks about 2001 shoplifting arrest... Daniel Baldwin talks about his addiction on ABC... Video: Kelly Rowland collapses on stage in Nigeria... Victoria Beckham makes her LA soccer mom debut... Kirsten Dunst, what are you wearing?!... Sienna Miller urges Indians to conserve energy... Sting and wife Trudie Styler fined $50,000 for sacking pregnant chef... Gwen Stefani sues Forever 21 for allegedly copying her Harajuku Lovers designs. Rumor Mill: O.J. Simpson hitting the bottle... Did Brad Pitt introduce baby Shiloh to ex Jennifer Aniston?... Usher trying to shut down fan site... Was JFK Jr. drinking the night of fatal plane crash?... Good Read: All about the SCRAM (aka Lindsay Lohan's alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet)....

By Liz Kelly  | July 18, 2007; 7:53 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Victoria Beckham's 'Major' Debut

Victoria Beckham, ready for her California close-up. (AP) The Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) who asks earthquake specialists if her knickers are showing and half-seriously says "Let me get myself miserable before we go out" is way more likeable than the actual miserable specimen we Yanks have been spoonfed for the past several years courtesy of tabloid pics in which she poses like a severe mannequin at the side of husband David Beckham. As it turns out, Posh may have been England's best kept secret. After last night's airing of NBC's "Victoria Beckham: Coming to America" special, though, the cat is out of the Prada bag and smoking hot in skintight fuschia spandex, baby -- ready to laugh at her own lame Lionel Richie jokes and unapologetically call Eddie Murphy a naughty censor-worthy name on primetime network TV. She's over the top, sassy and manages to simultaneously poke fun...

By Liz Kelly  | July 17, 2007; 10:42 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Celebrities  
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Morning Mix: Britney Blasted for Pet Shop Puppy

Headlines: Humane Society blasts Britney Spears for buying pet shop puppy; universe condemns her for pink wig... Paris Hilton working on new album... Gisele Bundchen tops Forbes list of richest supermodels... Donald Trump says he'd hire Rosie O'Donnell for "Apprentice" celebrity season... Isaiah Washington joining cast of NBC's "Bionic Woman" redo... Winona Ryder on the cover of August's Vogue... Diddy gets 10,000 applications for job opening posted on MySpace... Amy Winehouse: Underweight? Rumor Mill: Lindsay Lohan dating "Mindfreak" (and Cameron Diaz ex) Criss Angel?... Emma Watson lands $4 million Chanel contract... "SNL" alum Jon Lovitz clobbers Andy Dick over Phil Hartman remarks... Queen Latifah opening Miami fast food restaurant. Breaking (Sort of): Have you heard the one about Dave Chappelle being a guest at the Prince William County, Va. jail or hospital? Thanks to a heads-up from one early a.m. commenter (see below), I just got off the phone with...

By Liz Kelly  | July 17, 2007; 7:54 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Comment Box: Rumor-Debunking Central

What is up with Lionel Richie's most recent ex-wife? Wasn't she arrested for helping her boyfriend perform plastic surgery in her bathroom of all places? -- Submitted to last week's Celebritology Live chat Well, this is a breath of fresh air. Usually the name Richie is only uttered here in association with Lionel's emaciated Hollywood daughter -- you know, the one who is simultaneously looking down the barrel of an August DUI trial and pregnancy. No wonder she needs such big sunglasses. Anyhow, I digress. You asked about the second ex-Mrs. Richie -- Diane Alexander -- who asked for $300,000 a month in spousal support when she filed for divorce in 2004. Alexander, who met Richie when she was an 18-year-old back-up dancer, included the following demands as part of her needs post-Lionel (as reported online at divorcemag.com): Her court declaration also lists a yearly expense of $20,000 for plastic...

By Liz Kelly  | July 16, 2007; 10:42 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (14)
Categories:  Comment Box  
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Headlines: Lindsay Lohan Leaves Rehab

Headlines: Lindsay Lohan leaves rehab to party in Vegas, wears sobriety-monitoring ankle bracelet... 25-year-old Ivanka Trump joins board of dad's company... Snoop Dogg reality show to debut by year's end... Leonardo DiCaprio teams with cable channel to build eco-town... Dave Matthews asks fans to press for better care of Gulf War vets... Justin Timberlake opening Memphis-themed Manhattan restaurant... Rebecca Romjin, Jerry O'Connell marry... Courtney Thorne-Smith expecting a baby... Rapper Remy Ma pleads not guilty to murder charge. Rumor Mill: Lilo's DJ pal Samantha Ronson sues gossip blogs... Britney Spears adds a Yorkie to her pet menagerie... Single Diddy parties in Charm City... Oil heir (and friend-of-Paris-Hilton) Brandon Davis cut off by family. In Case You Missed It: What politicos do the stars endorse? The Reliable Source knows. Virtual Tour: Britney Spears's Beverly Hills mansion (up for sale at $7.5M). Clip: Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan in "I'm Not There."...

By Liz Kelly  | July 16, 2007; 7:39 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (10)
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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