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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 07/13/2007

Friday List: DIY Talking Keychains

By Liz Kelly

(Courtesy fredflare.com)

Who can resist the charm of a talking keychain? Not I, the owner of both Mr. T and Napoleon Dynamite keychains that regularly figure into my conversations by interjecting random phrases like: "I pity the fools" and "Lucky!" Both were gifts from Mr. Liz (who must be saving the jewelry for some future birthday or anniversary). This morning, though, as I pondered waking him up by blasting "Can you bring me my chapstick" right in his ear, I started to wonder... if I could design a talking keychain based on a movie or TV character, who would it be and what would it say?

As expected, the talking keychain market is awash with some of pop culture's most quotable characters -- from "Lord of the Rings'" Gollum ("My precious.") to Scarface ("Say hello to my little friend.") to "The Office" ("Ooo. Discipline. Kinky."). There's even an Andy Milonakis keychain to provide the bearer with entertaining soundbytes like "Where'd you put my toenail clippings?" and a "Sixteen Candles" model featuring zingers like "Ooh sexy girlfriend!"

There are a range of "Simpsons" keychains featuring quotes from Homer, Moe and many others. But I'd have a hard time narrowing my selections down to one character; there's enough material to fill a boatload of microchips -- from Mr. Burns's excellent "I'm not Wavy Gravy at all" to Lisa's "I am the Lizard Queen" to Comic Book Guy's "Oh, please, you couldn't even change into Bill Bixby" to "Everything's coming up Milhouse."

Multi-culti idiot Borat, too, provides a neverending well of goodness, from the ubiquitous "My name a Borat" to more recent jaw-droppers like "What's up with it, Vanilla Face?"

But if I was able to create my own talking keychain, I might have to go with some perennial favorites from the never-old "Airplane!":

"Stop calling me Shirley."
"I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl."
"Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?
"Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em."

And, of course the full range of Lloyd Bridges quotes:

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."

What about you? If you could design your own character-based talking keychain who would it be and what would it say?

By Liz Kelly  | July 13, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Friday Lists  
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Comments

i love my napolean dynamite talking keychain too!!! i use the "Gosh!" button a lot in traffic.

Lets see...how about a Sound of Music keychain that has the plaintive whine of 6 children crying, "Fraulein Mariiia!!!" or Capt. Von Trapp snapping, "That is all, Captain!" and especially the glamorous Baroness Von Schrader crooning, "Auf Wiedersehen, dahling.."

Posted by: methinks | July 13, 2007 10:54 AM | Report abuse

i would like talking key chains from the movie 'Empire Records'. For Lucas, 'What's with today,today?' or 'Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.'. And the always popular: 'damn the man, save the empire' and 'oh rexy, you're so sexy'

Posted by: ak1238 | July 13, 2007 10:59 AM | Report abuse

now i'm hooked...
the hudsucker proxy talking keychain:
"Gooooo Eagles!"
"Sure, sure..."
"If you don't, they dock you!"
"A Muncie girl, imagine that!"
"Martinis are for squares, man."
okay, i'll stop.

Posted by: methinks | July 13, 2007 11:01 AM | Report abuse

The very end of Ferris Bueller where he comes out of his room in a robe and says, "You're still here? The movie's over. Go home. Go."

Or anything from Mommie Dearest:
* "Tina, bring me the ax."
* "I should've known you'd know where to find the boys AND the booze."
* "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt."
* "Tear down that b_tch of a bearing wall and put a window where it OUGHT to BE."

Or from Clueless:
* "As if"
* "That was way harsh, Tai."
* "Your man is a cake boy. A disco dancing Striesand ticket-holding, Oscar Wilde-reading Friend of Dorothy"

The possibilities are indeed endless, Liz!

Posted by: TD | July 13, 2007 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Or anything from The Incredibles,
* "Kids listen to your mother."

especially from Edna in that movie:
* "I never look back, dahling. It detracts from the now."
* "No capes!"
* "And it breathes like Egyptian cotton!"

Posted by: TD | July 13, 2007 11:09 AM | Report abuse

that "kids listen to your mother" keychain certainly would have come in handy over the past 20 years!

Posted by: methinks | July 13, 2007 11:16 AM | Report abuse

The Princess Bride!

--"My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!"
--"Inconceivable!"
--"Stop that rhyming I meanit - Anybody want a peanut?"
--"Asssss youuuuu wiiiiiiish"
--"bye bye boys have fun storming the castle"
--"Marwage"

Posted by: sjcpeach | July 13, 2007 11:18 AM | Report abuse

I love the movie Clue with Tim Curry

"This is war peacock!"
"My wife had friends that were (sob) socialists!"
"Husbands should be like tissues, soft strong and disposable"
"Are lives are in danger you beatnick!"

Posted by: Miss Scarlett | July 13, 2007 11:22 AM | Report abuse

I'd have to go with anything from Zoolander
- "Oh, Snap!"
- "Earth to Meekus"
- "I can Dere-lick my own b#$@s thank you very much"
- "I'm not an ambi-turner"
- "I'm sorry I was wack"

Posted by: friday | July 13, 2007 11:26 AM | Report abuse

The Hugh Laurie Keychain would be a hit.

As Prince George in "Blackadder III":

"Tally-ho, my fine saucy young trollop! Your luck's in! Trip along here with all your cash, and some naughty night attire, and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart! Yours with the deepest respect etc, signed George. PS Woof woof!"

As George in "Blackadder Goes Forth":
"Absolutely top-hole sir, with a ying and a yang and a yippetty-doo."

In "A Bit of Fry and Laurie":
"Secret vices? I don't know. Rather too fond of chocolate Hob Nobs. My wife tells me I overdo the heroin. Other than that, not much."

"I don't know much about pornography. But I know what I like. "

And maybe something from that American show he does now...

Posted by: byoolin | July 13, 2007 11:29 AM | Report abuse

maybe we could get them from TV commercials too
"nobody badda me, nobody badda me eader"
OR
"Hey man, is that Freedom Rock?"
OR
"Where, I don't see; Here, diagnoally! - Pretty sneaky sis"

Posted by: TV land | July 13, 2007 11:33 AM | Report abuse

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

"I bin saved!"
"DO NOT SEEK THE TREASURE!"
"I'm gonna R-U-N-N O-F-T!"

Posted by: IndyAnna | July 13, 2007 11:40 AM | Report abuse

[Whispering] "We... thought... you... was... a... TOAD...."

Posted by: byoolin | July 13, 2007 11:41 AM | Report abuse

Monty Python. Think of what you could get from the Holy Grail alone.

He who wishes to cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side ye see.

There are those who call me...Tim.

What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

She turned me into a newt.

Feche la vache. (sp?)

Posted by: arlington | July 13, 2007 11:44 AM | Report abuse

O.K.... not to be a PBS geek, but I'd like a few RED GREEN sound bites on mine:

"If the women don't find ya handsome, they should at least find ya handy!"

"I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."

"Keep your stick on the ice."

"'Quando omni flunkus moritati'... sit down."

"The handyman's secret weapon: duct tape."

Posted by: Max | July 13, 2007 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Along w/the already mentioned Princess Bride, Zoolander (but they forgot 'I feel like I'm taking crazy pills'), and Mommie Dearest, just pick any Mel Brooks movie (or include them all):

"We don't need no stinkin badges" (Blazing Saddles)
"Prepare ship for ludicrous speed" (Spaceballs)
"It's good to be the king" (History of the World Pt 1)
"I am Frau Blücher (horse whinnies)" (Young Frankenstein)
"Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation." (Producers, 1968)

and more!

Posted by: Zizzy | July 13, 2007 11:50 AM | Report abuse

The Jerk:

"And that's all I need."
"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!"
"This is the best pizza in a cup ever."
"The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days."
"I'm picking out a Thermos for you."

Posted by: L | July 13, 2007 11:50 AM | Report abuse

Zizzy - when you make your keychain, don't forget to include Slim Pickens asking "What in the Wide,Wide World of Sports is goin' on here?"

Posted by: byoolin | July 13, 2007 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Mine would have to be Bones... STAR TREK's Dr. McCoy:

"I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer."
"I'm a doctor, not an escalator."
"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic."

And
"I'm a doctor, not an engineer."

With Scotty's reply:
"Well, now you're an engineer."

Posted by: Brian | July 13, 2007 11:54 AM | Report abuse

I second the Zoolander. Also:

"It's a walk-off!"
"I friggin' worship you, man."
"You is talking loco and I like it!"
"They're *in* the computer? "
"Pretty soon, they'll be reading *our* eugoogaly! "

Posted by: L | July 13, 2007 11:54 AM | Report abuse

You know what I'd like? Is just one sound effect on mine: Captain Chesapeake, calling out "AHOYYYYYY, CREW MEMBERS! WELCOME ABOARD!!!"

Posted by: Margo | July 13, 2007 11:57 AM | Report abuse

more Zoolander:
"ah-hem, ah-hem...I think I have the black lung, pops"
"There's more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking"
"You can read minds?!"
"ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCINOS!"

Anchorman:
"Don't act like you're not impressed"
"I like Scotch, Scotchy Scotch Scotch"
"60% of the time, it works every time"

Snakes on a Plane...the obvious.

Posted by: Arlington | July 13, 2007 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Four Weddings and a Funeral:
"oh is it raining I hadn't noticed" (just to piss off my cousin)

Rambo: First Blood
"I didn't draw first blood they did"

Boondocks, anything really but these come to mind:
"An if R Kelly goes to jail I'ma pi$$ on your cat"

"why would I be in the bathroom when you're in the bathroom"

"Gangstalicous has just been shot.
"Again."
"Ahhhgain"

"I got that thugin love"

Lock stock and two smoking barrels:
"Excuse me can you turn that down.
No.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

"We got a traffic wardon."
"I bloody hate traffic wardons"

Snatch:
"You're a bad boy yardie."

"We create the bodies, we don't dispose of the bodies"

Are you being served:
"don't worry it will ride up with wear"

"yes mister lucus I'm freeee"

Posted by: petal | July 13, 2007 12:12 PM | Report abuse

Devil in a Blue Dress:
"well damn Easy if you didn't want them dead what you leave them with me for?"

Posted by: petal | July 13, 2007 12:15 PM | Report abuse

Now I have to join the Byoolin fan club for the Hugh Laurie post.
As for my keychain, I'd like one with every single beard joke from Knocked Up. I'd follow Mr. Hairy Other Liz around with it all day.

Posted by: other liz | July 13, 2007 12:15 PM | Report abuse

OK, I guess my choices didn't pass the censor so I'll just hafta say my choices would be anything from the Kevin Smith flicks Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy.

For those of you that have seen them, you'll understand why even my edited choices didn't make it through. Which is cool, I thought I'd give it an shot.

A few KS quotes that should make it through:

"37?!?"

"Snootchie Boochies!"

I also think all those John Hughes/80s teen flicks should have their own keychains.

Posted by: Bored @ work | July 13, 2007 12:19 PM | Report abuse

I also agree with Zoolander and Empire Records.

I think I'd like to see various Whedon-verse keychains (that would be "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Angel" and "Firefly"/"Serenity") for the uninitiated.

"I'm paralyzed with not caring very much."
"I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's depressing."
"I haven't had this many strapping guys at my bedside since that night with the varsity lacrosse team."
"You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was laying next to him, and went, 'gueeeyah'? "
"Yes, sir, Captain Tight-Pants."
"Well, my days of not takin' ya seriously are certainly comin' to a middle."

Posted by: Chasmosaur | July 13, 2007 12:24 PM | Report abuse

TOMMY BOY (after deer destroys car):
"That was . . . AAAAAAAAWESOME."

"Housekeeping"


Better Off Dead:
"Sorry your mom blew up, Ricky"

Bill Murray in Caddyshack:
"So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."


Posted by: Kelli | July 13, 2007 12:33 PM | Report abuse

From SuperTroppers:

Littering and...littering and...littering and...

Our shennigans are cheeky and fun

Am I dancing around all nimbly bimbly...

Or what, you'll light my a$$ on fire?

Posted by: michael | July 13, 2007 12:36 PM | Report abuse

We need a Mid-Atlantic set of keychains, clearly, because in addition to the comments above about:
* Captain Chesapeake ("Ahoy, Cremembers"; "It's Seven Bells, Time for Popeye!")
* Jhoon Rhee ("Nobody baddas me! Nobody baddas me eader")

We've had to add:
* Royal Parker: "Hey, kids. Get off the sofa. Whadday tryin' to do, RUIN IT?"
* Stu Kerr (any quotes from Professor Kool's Fun School or Dialing for Dollars)

and the version of "My Girl" from Channel 13 with "Bob Turk."

Though thinking for Dialing for Dollars, we'll have to create a keychain for (non-local) Lily Tomlin's Ernestine the Telephone Operator:
* "One ringy-dingy" [snort, snort]
* "We don't have to -- we're the phone company"

Posted by: TD | July 13, 2007 12:54 PM | Report abuse

"Hey, good looking! We'll be back to pick you up later!"

Posted by: TD | July 13, 2007 12:55 PM | Report abuse

Scent of a Women, all Frank Slade (Al Pachino) lines:

* "I'm not finished!"
* "What life?!? I got no life! I'm in the dark here! Ya hear me? I'm in the dark!"
* "But not a snitch!"
* "This is such a crock of sh*t!"
* "...and Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, f**k you too!"

and of course,

* "WHOO-AH!"

Posted by: Irish_Ed | July 13, 2007 12:56 PM | Report abuse

Best in Show:

Of course I've looked under the bed, of course I've looked under the bed. That's where you look when you lose things.

I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I sh-t you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?

Not the lips...

Don't worry Gerry, I know where I'm at. But that was fun.

Posted by: Paul | July 13, 2007 12:57 PM | Report abuse

LOL at "Mid-Atlantic set of keychains"... but we'd have to find a representative Moandy The Sea Monster quote to put on there, too.

Posted by: Margo | July 13, 2007 1:25 PM | Report abuse

I totally second Paul's vote for Best in Show. Every single line in that movie is great:

"My momma would yell 'Harlan Pepper, stop naming nuts!'".

"We are so lucky. We are so lucky to have been raised amongst catalogs."

"No, that's a bear in a in a bee costume."

"I'm now a big old tchai tea latte soy milk kind of guy."

Posted by: Mary | July 13, 2007 1:28 PM | Report abuse

Meanwhile, I can't believe no one has come up with... CADDYSHACK:

"Did somebody step on a duck?"
"This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hittin' it."
"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it!"
"Hey, baby, you musta been somethin' before electricity!"
"Cinderella story..."
"I want a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a hot dog, a milkshake--YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!"
"The only good varmint poontang is DEAD varmint poontang."
"Hey, everybody! We're all gonna get laid!"

Posted by: Margo | July 13, 2007 1:39 PM | Report abuse

super troopers!
'i don't want a large farva, i want a liter of cola'

Posted by: Anonymous | July 13, 2007 1:42 PM | Report abuse

I have to add to the Monty Python list.

"I fart in your general direction."
"Your mother was a hamster!"
"We are the nights of Nee, we say Nee!"
"Get us a shubbery!"
"But I'm not dead yet."

Ahhh...that movie is quite possibly the best ever.

Posted by: melissa | July 13, 2007 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Swingers:

"Baby, you're so money and you don't even know it."
"This party's beat, I'm out of here."
"How about THAT? Would THAT be money?!"
"Well how long are you gonna wait to call your honey babies? Three days."
"The beautiful babies don't work 6 PM to midnight on a Wednesday, man. This is the sk@nk shift."
"You're like a big bear, with claws, yeah, you've got these claws, man, and you're looking at this bunny.."

Posted by: JK | July 13, 2007 1:44 PM | Report abuse

Addition to the CADDYSHACK list:

"Great hat. I bet that hat came with a free bowl of soup!"

And this sound:

http://www.carlspackler.com/sounds/032.mp3

Posted by: Brian | July 13, 2007 1:45 PM | Report abuse

From Pulp Fiction:

"I'm gonna get medieval on your a$$."

"Zed's dead, baby. Zed's definitely dead."

"I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean s**t."

"Pot bellies are sexy."


There are lots more quotes, but they'd never get throught the filter.

Posted by: lafred | July 13, 2007 1:48 PM | Report abuse

WHA_? no "Star Wars" posts yet??

"I feel a disturbance in the Force."

"That's no moon..."

"Prepare for the jump to lightspeed!"

"You could USE a good kiss!" (okay, this one is "Empire")

"Someone get this walking carpet outta my way."


and, just because it's clean, sums up my life most often, and can be overheard by my kids I would use this one all the time (not movie based):

"are you FREAKIN' kidding me?"
--New Adventures of Old Christine

Posted by: clean for the kids | July 13, 2007 1:52 PM | Report abuse

And additions to the HOLY GRAIL list:

"I told them he's already got one!"
"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"
"It's just a flesh wound..."
"RUN AWAY!!"
"That's the most foul, cruel, bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"

Posted by: Brian | July 13, 2007 1:55 PM | Report abuse

"You're going to need a bigger boat." --Jaws

"Bond, James Bond..."
-- take your pick

"Have you ever given a foot massage?" --Pulp Fiction

"Acundulatusu!" (or whatever it is that Belloch yells) --Raiders of the Lost Ark

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can." --Fight Club

They took the bar! The whole f---ing bar!" --Animal House


Quite possibly my Top Six, one of which is appropriate for any given occassion I'd say!

Posted by: mad mix | July 13, 2007 1:58 PM | Report abuse

I'm pretty sure there are already talking keychains for South Park, so there's probably no need for a DIY angle, but who could forget:

"I've been keeping this place free of hippies since I was five and a half."

"Dude, that is not cool! Chopping off wee-wee's is not cool!"

"Michael Bay gets to keep making movies and Cartman gets his own theme park; there is no God."

and, of course, "TIMAH!"

(but not "They killed Kenny")

Unfortunately, like "Pulp Fiction", there are a whole lot that aren't printable....

So how about Classic SNL:

"Buckwheat's been shot"

"I live in a van, down by the river"

"I need more cowbell"

Posted by: VoR | July 13, 2007 2:01 PM | Report abuse

Another Caddyshack
"We have a pond and a pool; the pond would be good for you."

Posted by: sf | July 13, 2007 2:03 PM | Report abuse

Following on the Kevin Smith posting:

There's only one Return, and its of the Jedi

Pillow Pants is a little troll that lives in her pu**y.


Posted by: akmitc | July 13, 2007 2:03 PM | Report abuse

good gravy, any Austin Powers movie is loaded with quotes.

Posted by: Anonymous | July 13, 2007 2:08 PM | Report abuse

Jessi Spano from Saved by the Bell...

I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...SCARED!

Posted by: mbc | July 13, 2007 2:09 PM | Report abuse

Life of Brian: wolf nipple chips!

Airplane: pardon me stewardess, i speak jive.

Fletch: what tipped it for me was something your wife said while we were in bed together.
i'll have a bloody mary, a steak sandwich and a steak sandwich.
those are three names I enjoy; Marvin, Velma, and Provo.
can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.

Posted by: 'nap town | July 13, 2007 2:16 PM | Report abuse

Life of Brian:
wolf nipple chips!

Airplane:
pardon me stewardess, i speak jive.

Fletch:
what tipped it for me was something your wife said while we were in bed together.

i'll have a bloody mary, a steak sandwich and a steak sandwich.

those are three names I enjoy; Marvin, Velma, and Provo.

can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.

Posted by: the 'nap | July 13, 2007 2:19 PM | Report abuse

First, thank you Liz for your continued love and promotion of the movie "Airplane". That is quite possibly the funniest movie ever.

Anyways, I second MBC's "I'm soo... scaa-aareed!" Classic Saved by the Bell.

I think there should be "Ghostbusters" keychains:
*"Where do these stairs go?" "They go up."
*"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats - living together, mass hysteria!"
*"Something good! For goodness sake.. whoa-oaa... somebody's comin'!"
"Go get her Ray!"

And how about "Billy Madison" -
*"I hate cursive and I hate all of you!"
*"Chlorophyll? More like boro-phyll!"
*"Oh my god I am the winner."
*"Yeah Billy! Billy's number 1!"
*"Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool..."
*"What's Billy doing?""I think they're playing water polo.""Hey remember Marco Polo? Marco!""Polo!""Heh heh, what a great game."

Posted by: Melinda | July 13, 2007 2:24 PM | Report abuse

From Bull Durham:

"I believe in the Church of Baseball."

"If there's one chick who know's you're pulling your hips, it'd be Annie."

"Honey, we all deserve to wear white."

"I'm Millie." "I'm married."

"Limpid jets of love"

"She read me poetry all night. It's more tiring than f[iretr]ucking."

"A rainout? I can get us a rainout."

"I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone"

"At least the S.. o. a b.... left me breakfast"

Posted by: Durham Bulls | July 13, 2007 2:25 PM | Report abuse


Dirty Dancing - nobody puts Baby in a corner.

And I agree with the Ferris Bueller ones (or was it just one?) -- have to add "schwiiing batter, schwing"...

Kevin (you all know the movies) - "ARRRRGH"

Going back to Sound of Music -- the sisters when they disable the cars "forgive us Mother for we have sinned"

Posted by: WDC | July 13, 2007 2:25 PM | Report abuse

Buckaroo Banzai:

"No matter where you go, there you are."

Monty Python:

"It is an ex-parrot. It has rung down the curtain and joined the invisible choir."

"Wink-wink, nudge-nudge."

Dr. Strangelove:

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

"You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company. "

Posted by: b | July 13, 2007 2:37 PM | Report abuse

South Park:
"what would Brian Boytano(sp?) do?"

Posted by: peep | July 13, 2007 3:58 PM | Report abuse

I think there should be a 'Saved' Keychain... because i have a whole slew of people who'd get it as a christmas gift.

all hillary faye - all the time...

"I am FILLED with Christ's love! You are just jealous of my success in the Lord."

"I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay!"

"I know what you're looking at, Mary. And Jesus does too."

"Why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?"

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | July 13, 2007 4:00 PM | Report abuse

Who could forget the immortal line from one of the great films of all time:

"We are dead! We are robot jox!"
(from, of course, Robot Jox)

or:

"If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right! I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy. "

from UHF

Posted by: karmadrome | July 13, 2007 4:23 PM | Report abuse

Liz... an aside: you always champion AIRPLANE... did you get the DVD of the complete POLICE SQUAD? That series, to me, is even BETTER than AIRPLANE.

I'd pop the disc in and skim THAT for keychain clips, but I'm off to a cookout.

Posted by: Margo | July 13, 2007 4:35 PM | Report abuse

I can't believe nobody mentioned the best line from Zoolander: "How are they supposed to learn how to read if they can't even fit in the building?"

Posted by: Different Liz | July 13, 2007 4:47 PM | Report abuse

I would submit 'Top Secret!' with Val Kilmer! Top favorite quotes:

1. "So I was helping out over in pre-teen maternity."
2. "I know a little german. He's sitting over there."
3. "I'm not Nick Rivers. I'm . . . Mel Torme"
4. "Come darling. Let me show you what I've done with the fall-out shelter."
5. "Souvenirs, novelties, party tricks."
6. "You dropped your phony dog poop." "What phony dog poop?"
7. "Driver, why are you stopping here? This isn't the Howard Johnsons."
8. "If they find you here, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory."
9. "Ich leibe dich, meine schatze!"
10. "Who do you favour in the Virginia Slims tournament?" "In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual."
11. "Do you know any good white basketball players?" "There are no good white basketball players."
12. "Latrine!"

Oh, there's just too many to pick from . . . .

Posted by: Different Liz | July 13, 2007 5:05 PM | Report abuse

Firefly, yes oh yes! But if not, then Red Dwarf.

"Your father was a baboon's rump, and your mother spent most of her life up against walls with sailors."
"Stop your foul whining, you filthy piece of distended rectum!"
"Lager - the only thing that can kill a vindaloo."
"I was Alexander the Great's chief eunuch."

And there's always Coupling.

"I was Giselle!"
"Oh Jeffrey!"
"I've been handed the keys to the gates of Paradise, and I've got too many legs!"
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"I like naked. Naked is good."

Posted by: Karen | July 13, 2007 6:30 PM | Report abuse

Anything from Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
"Shake and Bake"
"I wanna go fast"
"If you ain't first, you're last!"
"I wake up in the morning and i piss excellence."
"Don't you put that evil on us, Ricky Bobby!"
...and many others!


Posted by: Anne | July 13, 2007 7:51 PM | Report abuse

"Could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?" (Undercover Brother)

"Lets do the timewarp again." (Rocky Horror Picture Show)


Posted by: K.C. | July 13, 2007 10:48 PM | Report abuse

As Good As It Gets:

"What if this is as good as it gets?"

"Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? "

"This is New York, pal. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!"

Posted by: jscochran | July 14, 2007 8:43 AM | Report abuse

Kenny from Southpark for the muffled talking. Mr. Hanky yodeling about poo... Cartman going 'Beefcaaakkee'. The Lemmywinks song... Meatwad talking smack from Aqua Teen Hunger Force... Politicians spouting famous lies would be really good. A lot of fun too with the wide variety of stupidity and ego that goes with government. You do have to be dumb enough to actually want the job, which lets face it, is not a good sign for anyone involved.

Posted by: Gentry | July 14, 2007 9:37 AM | Report abuse

My faves from Say Anything:

"I'm looking for a dare to be great situation"

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I dont want to sell anything bought or processed or buy anything sold or processed or repair anything sold, bought or processed as a career."

"A pen. I gave her my heart....she gave me a pen."

"I got a question: if you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?"

"You're not a guy. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Dont just be a guy."

Posted by: Say Anything | July 14, 2007 6:33 PM | Report abuse

Oh my god...Coupling. How could I forget?

"Don't cut the muffin!"

"I was just gagging for a shag!"

"If music be the food of love, then masturbation is just a snack between meals."

"I'm being criticized by a talking penis!"

"I have twelve breasts! Sorry, I was rounding up."

Posted by: Chasmosaur | July 14, 2007 10:28 PM | Report abuse

Many quotes from both Princess Bride and Monty Python, as stated earlier:

He's only MOSTLY dead.
Well, why didn't you count that among our assets to begin with?
If he kills her, I shall be very put out.
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Inconceivable! (I don't think that word means what you think it means).

NOBODY expects the Spanish inquisition.
We will have to give you the pillow torture.
It's a Mr. Death. Something about a reaping.
We must go now. It's my wife. She's on her period. (Yes, I'm flowing heavily.)
THE SALMON MOUSSE. Oh dear. I'm so embarassed.
Just a wahfer thin mint, Mr. Creosote.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Now we see the violence inherent in the system.
You're not king. Yes I am. Well, I didn't vote for you.
Just because a watery tart flung a semitar at you is no basis for a system of government.
Run away! Run away! Keep running!
It's just a flesh wound.
And songs: Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving, and revolving at 900 miles an hour. It's orbiting at 3000 feet a second, so it's reckoned, the sun that is the source of all our power. Lyrics here: http://www.amasci.com/amateur/life.txt
Video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JSR_6qfXTg
And of course: Can we have your liver, then?
Every sperm is sacred video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8
And of course: Nope, I'm sorry. It's medical experiments for the lot of you.
From Fargo: So, you having sex with the little fellow, then?
It looked a little weird so I thought I'd call it in. (pause) End of story.
He's fleeing the interview! He's fleeing the interview!
I'm cooperating here. We're, uh, we're doing all we can.
Coupling: I can't go out with her! I have one too many legs!
I could go on, believe me. We come from a family of movie quoters. My brother-in-law knows Talladega Nights by heart. "Big old hairy American winnin' machine."
I'll stop for now.

Posted by: L L L | July 15, 2007 10:53 AM | Report abuse

How High:

Red Man practicing for Crew- "Smoke, Stroke, Smoke, Stroke"

Asian room mate- "BUFU! By us, F$&( you!"

Red Man- "Let me introduce you to my future ex-wife"

Red Man- "How did I fail Women's Lit!? I love the b$&%^&^%!"

Red Man- "I'm a ghost ghost ghost "

Random Passerby- "Is that car on fire?"

Army Recruiter- "In the army you work hard! You Learn! And when you get out... you can fix refrigerators and such."

Posted by: Van | July 16, 2007 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Monty Python:

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Why not start her off with a nice kiss?"
"I didn't eat the salmon mousse?"
"African or European? Aggghghhhhhhh!"
"Oh fishy, fishy, fishy fish"
"Bring out your dead!"
"Can we have your liver?..."

What about Young Frankenstein, there's got to be some good stuff from that movie. While we're on Gene Wilder, probably stuff from the original Willy Wonka movie.

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