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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 08/13/2007

Celebritology 101: Vacation Tips from the Stars

By Liz Kelly

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock married while vacationing in St. Tropez in July 2006. They divorced after only four months of marriage. Tip? Vacation hook-ups do not always a life-long commitment make. (AP)

Last week while vacationing in North Carolina's Outer Banks, I couldn't help but get a little envious as I flipped through pages and pages of bikini-clad celebs looking camera-ready and rested as they spend the dog days of August in far-flung locales where nine-hour gridlock, 100-degree heat and sandy sheets are not considered the epitome of relaxation. It was perhaps while gazing at the zillionth pic of fake-baked Paris Hilton or a topless Matthew McConaughey (or maybe after too much sun and wine) that I received the following revelations. I now share them with you.

1. A vacation without paps is like the earth without oxygen. Why expend the effort to squeeze into a wet suit and surf or host a beach-side soiree if no one is capturing the moment for posterity's sake? While Paris and Helen can rely on hordes of opportunitistic photogs to capture their Kodak moments, mere mortals can now share vacation pix with the world via flickr and other photo-sharing sites. Hot.

2. Vacation can be a way of life. Just ask Matthew McConaughey who seemingly lives in board shorts and spent most of the summer holed up in a beachside RV. Seasonal employment could be your ticket to living an endless summer.

3. The words "vacation" and "work" are not mutually exclusive. Hetero life partners Ben Affleck and Matt Damon recently used their Hawaii vacation to try their hand at striking screenwriting gold a second time. Can't afford a $13,000-a-week house for your working retreat? The Waikiki Resort Hotel offers rooms for with dial-up Internet access from $79 a night.

4. Alas, the bikini is not everyone's friend. Although surgically-enhanced starlets may look fab in airbrushed magazine spreads, the impromptu paparazzi midriff shot is not as forgiving (Tara Reid, Courtney Love). Stay stylish yet cool in something like this Diane Von Furtsenburg cover up.

5. Vacation with an open mind. Take a cue from Beyonce and Jay-Z, who didn't hesitate to walk this St. Tropez nude beach in June.

By Liz Kelly  | August 13, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Celebritology 101  
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that Beyonce/Jay-Z photo is so obviously fake. I mean, Jay-Z is a tall guy and the guy next to him looks like a GIANT. The porportion is all wrong... I just can't believe someone would waste their time photoshopping this!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2007 11:08 AM | Report abuse

It is definitely photoshopped!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2007 11:26 AM | Report abuse

you win Liz... when i asked for more 'equally exciting news' about tara reid - i never imagined you'd find a way to shoe-horn the two together...

i feel like the guy that questioned kevin smith's originality at comicon - 'never a good idea to attack the dude with the microphone' indeed...

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | August 13, 2007 11:52 AM | Report abuse

and to think that matt damon, ben affleck and their families could have enjoyed authentic korean cuisine served at the waikiki resort hotel if *only* they had shopped around a little more. oh well. maybe next time.

Posted by: methinks | August 13, 2007 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Ahhhhhhiiiiieeeee! I think I'm blinded for life! Why didn't you warn us about that shot of Courtney Love? NSFW? No safe for sight. Probably a good thing I went blind otherwise I might have popped lunch into orbit.

Posted by: Stick | August 13, 2007 12:22 PM | Report abuse

As a female, "paps" does not make me think of "paparazzi". I had to re-read that a couple of times!

Posted by: yomary | August 13, 2007 12:54 PM | Report abuse

Me too, yomary!

Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2007 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Dittto on the "paps". I was all, hmmm, not my idea of a fun vacation. Celebs, they really aren't like us.

Although considering the occasional Brit coochie shot, maybe Liz didn't mean papparazzi.

Posted by: Cubeland, MD | August 13, 2007 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, the item on "paps" doubly confused me, because my name is Helen. So once I'd moved on past the paps" thing, I was still like, what? Hordes of photographers? Where is my horde of photographers? They sure are good at hiding!

Posted by: hey | August 13, 2007 3:54 PM | Report abuse

I'm sure that photo is true. Why the French feel obliged to show us their all is beyond me. I think it is some sort of optical masturbation.

Posted by: POS | August 13, 2007 8:59 PM | Report abuse

Yes, obviously the picture is true, and who died & made the first two posters the experts on photoshop? This picture was all over the place when it was new. I think someone would have noticed if it was a fake.

Posted by: h3 | August 14, 2007 9:44 AM | Report abuse

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