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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 08/28/2007

Prognosticating 'Dancing With the Stars'

By Liz Kelly

Update, 8.29.07: Looks like our pick for winner -- Nia Peeples -- won't get the chance to show her stuff on the dance floor. At least not this season. This morning, ABC officially announced this year's contestants: Melanie Brown, Sabrina Bryan, Helio Castroneves, Mark Cuban, Jennie Garth, Josie Maran, Cameron Mathison, Floyd Mayweather, Wayne Newton, Marie Osmond, Albert Reed and Jane Seymour. Hey, six-and-a-half (we had Sabrina Ryan) ain't bad.


'90210' alumna Tori Spelling: She can dance if she wants to. (Reuters)

Fake tans, big hair, glitzy outfits, hammy performances and cheesy reworked tunes -- somehow this combination of abhorrent qualities combines to form the near perfection that is "Dancing With the Stars." Against my will, I've been entertained by the last few seasons of this plucky little ABC show that pits fading stars against each other in a dance-off worthy of "West Side Story" or "Dirty Dancing." ("Nobody puts Laila Ali in the corner!")

And, unlike "American Idol," there are no pesky early cattle call rounds to get through. The hype remains at a tolerable level and, best of all, the show remains one outpost of the primetime lineup safe from Ryan Seacrest infestation.

Where else can you see newsman Tucker Carlson vie with freakily buff former kid star Joey Lawrence or watch rapt, hoping Heather Mills's prosthesis stays attached (or not) as her partner manhandles her around the dance floor? Joey Fatone, Ian Ziering, Jerry Springer, Harry Hamlin, Tatum O'Neal, Billy Ray Cyrus, Emmitt Smith -- the cruel wheel of fame and fortune landed them all on the dance floor. And, if this leak is to be credited, the upcoming season -- starting Sept. 24 -- won't disappoint. The official list is set to be released tomorrow morning on Good Morning America. In the meantime, let's do a little early speculating courtesy of the leakage.

While some rumored contestants are predictable inclusions (Aaron Carter, Wayne Newton), the double-"90210" dose of Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth is irresistible. Maybe Brian Austin Green can guest to lay down a little rap. And, if anyone can come off more wooden than Billy Ray Cyrus, it has to be erstwhile "Incredible Hulk" Lou Ferrigno (who, it should be noted, lost most of his hearing as a child). And, one can only hope that quirky CNN newsman Richard Quest gets right on the story of why supermodel Gisele Bundchen agreed to compete. Spice Girl and Eddie Murphy baby mama Melanie Brown will also reportedly be involved in the show, but not as a competitor. Yay.

By Liz Kelly  | August 28, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  TV  
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I don't know half of the people on that list and I don't care to google them.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2007 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Better vote for Ferrigno. Don't want to tick him off!

Posted by: ol | August 28, 2007 11:02 AM | Report abuse

If Brian Austin Greene does show up to rap, the only one smiling will be big Lou.

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2007 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Ooo, I hope Lou Ferrigno takes the win. That would be great. I'd like to see Tori Spelling get kicked off first followed by Aaron Carter.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2007 11:15 AM | Report abuse

I'm down w/Nia Peeples. She was on the TV version of Fame so she may have an edge.

Posted by: Bored @ home | August 28, 2007 11:26 AM | Report abuse

i'm sorry, but every time i hear or see gisele bundchen's name i think someone's talking about some kind of german pastry.

"and how was your gisele bundchen today, sir?"

Posted by: b | August 28, 2007 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Gisele Bundchen *is* a tasty pastry, isn't she?

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2007 11:42 AM | Report abuse

bored, how long ago was the TV version of "fame"? i guess that could give her an edge but i like to think mark cuban will do well.

Posted by: methinks | August 28, 2007 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Maybe I've been reading too much Hax, but I love Tori Spelling's shoes!

Posted by: Blue Suede Shoes | August 28, 2007 12:37 PM | Report abuse

i thought the same thing, blue, but i didn't want to say anything. they're really pretty! wait a sec, we are talking about her shoes, right? not her 'kelli pickler shoes'...

Posted by: methinks | August 28, 2007 12:45 PM | Report abuse

methinks, I had the same thought.

Posted by: byoolin | August 28, 2007 1:00 PM | Report abuse

How can Tori Spelling have time to "Dancing with the Stars" if she is also doing that "Tori & Dean: Inn love" thing and talking about how awesome being a mom to Liam (or whatever his name is) and how she already wants baby #2? Jeepers.

Posted by: rockville | August 28, 2007 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Watch out - Mark Cuban used to give dance lessons in college.

Posted by: jd | August 28, 2007 1:44 PM | Report abuse

I don't know who some of these people even are! In the past, most were household (albeit B-listers) names. I'm rooting for Wayne Newton. He's already got the suave act going for him. I bet he's a great dancer.

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2007 1:46 PM | Report abuse

I seriously need new glasses or Liz needs to use smaller words in the headlines. I swear when I first saw the title it said "Proscratination: Dancing with the Stars." As in let's not do real work, let's discuss a reality tv show. As in what I am doing by writing this message. I'll leave now.

Posted by: ep | August 28, 2007 2:00 PM | Report abuse

i'm serious about mark cuban. he's a competitor, plus he's probably already training!

Posted by: methinks | August 28, 2007 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Poor 90210 cast. But didnt Jennie Garth have that show with Amanda Bines?

And for the person who says previous seasons have been household names - I usually only know about 50-60% of the people on this show. Mostly because soap operas and sports are not in my household much.

Posted by: sjcpeach | August 28, 2007 3:32 PM | Report abuse

who is mark cuban?

Posted by: Anonymous | August 28, 2007 4:08 PM | Report abuse

mark cuban owns the dallas mavericks. and he's a hottie!

Posted by: b | August 28, 2007 4:20 PM | Report abuse

cuban is also trying to buy the chicago cubs.

Posted by: methinks | August 28, 2007 6:03 PM | Report abuse

Helio!!! When he wins he will climb the set scaffolding.

Posted by: IndyAnna | August 28, 2007 8:41 PM | Report abuse

Here's the official list:

Cuban, the billionaire Dallas Mavericks owner, welterweight boxing champ Mayweather and Las Vegas headliner Newton are among the 12 celebrities who will compete when the show returns Sept. 24, ABC announced Wednesday.

-- Melanie Brown, aka "Scary Spice" and Mel B.

-- Sabrina Bryan of Disney Channel's "Cheetah Girls."

-- Indianapolis 500 champion Helio Castroneves.

-- Actress Jennie Garth ("Beverly Hills, 90210").

-- Model-actress Josie Maran.

-- Soap star Cameron Mathison ("All My Children").

-- Singer Marie Osmond.

-- Model Albert Reed.

-- Actress Jane Seymour ("Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman").

Posted by: Looks like bad intel | August 29, 2007 11:31 AM | Report abuse

I love mark cuban!!!

Posted by: des | August 30, 2007 9:01 AM | Report abuse

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