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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 09/17/2007

Comment Box: A Five-Point Planner for Brit

By Liz Kelly

Kudos -- and one yellowed Tiger Beat magazine -- to Solver for crafting a winning game plan for struggling popster Britney Spears. Solver's plan was not only complete, but written with a succinctness and simplicity that even Spears should be able to understand. Now if she'd just get with the program. The top three entries are appended below. Now to craft my own strategy for taking a week off of Britney news. (Solver, e-mail me at celebritology@washingtonpost.com with your address and the Tiger Beat -- complete with Robby Benson's plea to save seals -- will be in the mail.)

Solver's Plan:
1. Jesus
2. Pilates
3. Counseling
4. Oprah!
5. Timbaland

Otherwise, it's:

1. Booze
2. Cupcakes
3. Jerry Springer
4. Divorce Court
5. Branson, Mo.
---
Anonymous's Plan:
I can condense it to two steps:

1. Call Heff
2. If he says no, call Larry Flynt

Result? what we've all been waiting for.
---
SJCPeach's plan:

1. Toxic: Time to detox for real this time

2. Stop, Collaborate and Listen: Beg Timbaland, Kanye or some other amazing producer to help put a new album together and listen to their musical advice.

3. We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off: You're a mom now, be a sexy mom, but with body-appropriate clothes.

4. Dance, Dance, Dance: You are a performer more than a singer - you need to bring your A game back.

5: Hit Me Baby One More Time: You need a catchy tune that you can't get out of our heads. Gimme More sex sounds aint it!
---

Comment of the Week
"Britney has become Fat Bloated Vegas Elvis without the voice." -- Posted by Bored @ home to the Sept. 11 Morning Mix


Courtney Love. (AP)

This Week's Creative Captioning Winners

1. I am. Doll parts. Specifically, part Barbie Grow Pretty Hair, part Barbie Walk Wasted, and part Barbie Bendable-Leg Major Cosmetic Alteration Mod Swinger. -- Thor

2. Having no reflection makes it hard to get dressed in the morning. -- Michael

3. Courtney Love waits for a house to drop on her. -- b

4. Has Ashlee Simpson has taken her plastic surgery obsession a little too far? -- Lsht

5. "They'll never know I'm still doing 'ludes!" -- Stick

P.S. A side note to everyone who included the guy in the background in their entries: The man in question is Jason Preston, sometime boyfriend of designer Marc Jacobs, and the "brooch" on his lapel is comprised of a gold crown and a dead mouse. A gift from Courtney, said Preston.

Read all suggested captions here.

By Liz Kelly  | September 17, 2007; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Comment Box  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Morning Mix: Lindsay Lohan to Quit Hollywood?
Next: Morning Mix: No 'View' for Barry Manilow

Comments

i still think that guy looks like dylan from 90210.

Posted by: not bluto | September 17, 2007 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Who cares who he looks like, he's wearing freakin' dead mouse!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: st. louis | September 17, 2007 10:49 AM | Report abuse

I wanna be the girl with the most lllluuudes...

Posted by: C. Love | September 17, 2007 10:58 AM | Report abuse

congrats to all this week's winners. as comment of the week winner last week (it's written in purple ink on my calendar) i know the heady rush that comes with seeing one's 'handle' in e-print. remember that fame is fleeting so enjoy it while you can.

and no disrespect to thor, but michael's caption still makes me LOL. (did i just type LOL? yikes.)

Posted by: methinks | September 17, 2007 11:04 AM | Report abuse

oh, wait, nevermind. in that gawker item preston looks like elliot yamin.

Posted by: not bluto | September 17, 2007 11:13 AM | Report abuse

WOOHOO!!

I shall remain humble & continue with the funny comments & observations despite my winning Comment of the Week which I totally didn't expect!

I should have a speech & all but so many others have already taken the good lines, such as Iraq & such as.

As for the dead mouse brooch, not sure who's crazier, Courtney for thinking anyone but Marilyn Manson or a member of the Addams Family would want that thing, the dude that's wearing because he feels some sort of obligation to Zombie Courtney, or the "artist" that created the thing.

Ew.

Posted by: Bored @ home or should I say COMMENT OF THE WEEK WINNER!! | September 17, 2007 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Was the mouse dead before or after it was pinned to the brooch?

Posted by: Lacie | September 17, 2007 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Sweet!!!

Ok, in the spirit of last night's Emmy's:

I just want to thank God, and my momma, and everyone else who was there for me. methinks, I couldn't have done it without your support. And Courtney Love, you keep on doing what you do.

Posted by: michael | September 17, 2007 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Who wears a dead mouse??? WTF????????????

Posted by: SF | September 17, 2007 12:27 PM | Report abuse

i shall strive to improve my standings in the caption league.

I wonder if a lot of cats follow the dead mouse guy around?

Posted by: b | September 17, 2007 12:55 PM | Report abuse

Micheal's caption is better, but I liked "BRAAAAAINS" best.

Posted by: atb | September 17, 2007 1:52 PM | Report abuse

I was gonna say something crazy but Sally Fields beat me to it.

Posted by: Stick | September 17, 2007 3:18 PM | Report abuse

When I was in high school I volunteered one summer at the Natural History museum, where one of the things I did was feed mice to the cayman. (Cayman: looks kind of like a crocodile, lives in the dino hall. or did 15 years ago.) The mice came out of a big bag of frozen mice - I think they might have actually killed them by freezing, they were all squished in there together. I can't tell you how icky it was to pick a mouse out of the giant mice-sicle.

Uh. I have no idea what this story contributes to the conversation, but it's what I thought of when I heard about the mouse brooch.

Posted by: h3 | September 17, 2007 3:29 PM | Report abuse

Way ta go, h3. Now I gotta go get me a mousicle. Wonder if they sell them here...

Posted by: Bogota | September 17, 2007 3:35 PM | Report abuse

h3 - that description of the mice-sicle deserves a prize. What a great contribution! It sums up the problems of many celebrities - they've never done anything so interesting!

Posted by: Suzette | September 17, 2007 4:02 PM | Report abuse

So, Suzette, what you're saying is, the reason I don't have a drug addiction, multiple un-seatbelted toddlers, or an underwear-forgetting problem is my volunteer stint at the Smithsonian?

Yeah...ok, I'll buy that.

Posted by: h3 | September 17, 2007 4:12 PM | Report abuse

Well, what percentage of the drug addicted, non-seatbelt users for children, underwear forgetters HAVE worked at the Smithsonian? Or had any higher education or museum exposure?

Posted by: Suzette | September 17, 2007 5:52 PM | Report abuse

I'm sure Courtney Love only uses mice who commit suicide or die of natural causes for her brooches. She can't be completely godless. Right?

Posted by: L L L | September 19, 2007 2:34 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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