Friday List: A Five-Point Plan for Britney
Is the pre-teen poptart turned bizarro baby mamma past the point of no return? No way, y'all! Unless and until Brit goes all Michael Richards on us, the door is always open for a return to her former chart-topping glory. All it takes is the right alchemy and -- ring-a-ding-a-ling -- MTV, Timbaland and Pepsi will be lining up to get them some of that Louisiana mojo.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is plotting a five-point course for Spears that will return her to that sweet Shangri-la reserved for popsters-who-top-the-charts even-though-no-one-admits-to-owning-their-CDs.
Important: Your comeback strategy must outline success in five moves or less.
1. Hire stylists of every flavor -- hair, make-up, clothing, food, exercise -- because, let's face it, you aren't capable of critical decision-making.
2. Ix-nay on frappuccinos, Taco Bell, cigarettes, drinky-poos and all the other toxins clogging your system.
3. This is a camera. You are allergic to it. Stay away except in highly controlled situations.
4. Have Simon Cowell put his money where his mouth is. Nothing sets album sales on fire like an "American Idol" cameo. Start prepping now and you've got at least five months to get yourself "in the zone."
5. Do not open your mouth in public unless it is to sing (or lip-synch) your new hit songs.
Extra points for creativity and visual aids (if not linkable below, e-mail visuals to email@example.com). Demerits for pooh-poohers who say it isn't possible. Shame on you. There's no crying in baseball. Or whatever. Wow us. The best five plans (sense a theme here?) will be highlighted Monday here in the blahg and the very best entrant will win an original copy of the March 1977 Tiger Beat magazine featuring Mormon darlings Donnie and Marie Osmond and a pin-up poster of Leif Garrett.
Inspirational Bonus: Toxic Rehab Remix.
Photo Credits: Left, Reuters. Right, The Washington Post
| September 14, 2007; 10:43 AM ET
Categories: Britney Spears, Friday Lists
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