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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 10/ 4/2007

Creative Captioning: When Billy Met Jack

By Liz Kelly

Thanks to the American Film Institute's 40th anniversary celebration for bringing together the unlikely pair below. From the balding pates to the black blazers, these two could almost be clones if it weren't for the fact that a true genetic match would have probably resulted in both of these ghosts of Hollywood past being ridiculously talented.

In any case, this mismatch makes rich fodder for this week's Creative Captioning exercise in which you tell us what's happening below. The best entry will be elevated to a position of prominence here in the blog and the writer of that entry may call him (or her) self "Official Celebritology Captionologist" for the week of Oct. 1 - 5.

C'mon, give it some thought. Submit more than one. All work and no play makes [your name here] a dull boy/girl.


(AP)

Top Captions:
1. You can't handle the receding hairline. -- Irish_Ed

2. Crystal and Nicholson celebrate the inking of their new deal for "City Slickers III: The Legend of the Tanning Salon." -- CJB

3. Two flew over the cuckoo's nest. -- Irish girl

4. Billy and Jack cackle wildly at the thought of ever shopping at Target. -- SMACK

5. By unhinging his jaw, the male Crystal can consume his weight in Nicholsons. -- Patchen

-- Updated 10.8.07

By Liz Kelly  | October 4, 2007; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Creative Captioning  
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Comments

When Harry met Hairy.

Posted by: Anonimis | October 4, 2007 10:48 AM | Report abuse

Yikes-- I thought you told me Jack Palance was dead!

Posted by: Boca | October 4, 2007 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Jack: I'm peeing on your leg!

Billy: It feels MAHVelous!

Posted by: b | October 4, 2007 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Don't goose me, you sick old man!

Posted by: md | October 4, 2007 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Yesterday they were movie stars. Today they're has-beens. Tomorrow they'll be walking funny.

Posted by: Anonimis | October 4, 2007 10:58 AM | Report abuse

Jack: Here's Johnny!

Billy: I loved that scene! And the one where the kid keeps saying "redrum, redrum, redrum"

Posted by: b | October 4, 2007 10:58 AM | Report abuse

Jack: All work and no play makes Jack...

Billy: Whoa, Jack! Hands where I can see them!

Posted by: Anonimis | October 4, 2007 10:59 AM | Report abuse

Holy Crap!

Posted by: LV | October 4, 2007 11:05 AM | Report abuse

Billy and Jack take part in a product demonstration for hair gel - it advertised that people would take notice of the few hairs they have left. It works!

Posted by: sjcpeach | October 4, 2007 11:13 AM | Report abuse

YOW! Your hands are cold.

Posted by: John | October 4, 2007 11:14 AM | Report abuse

B.C.: Hey! How many times to I have to tell you to quit pinching my cheeks!

J.N.: Tee-hee hee hee.

Posted by: Alexandria | October 4, 2007 11:18 AM | Report abuse

Billy: Remember the old days when I would host the oscars and you'd win the oscars.

Jack: I wore sunglasses then for the same reason I'm wearing them now...I'm too drunk to care what you're saying.

Posted by: Oscar | October 4, 2007 11:18 AM | Report abuse

Jack: "So, Billy... Do you like it when I 'Analyze That'?"

Billy: "Only if you don't mind that I 'Analyze This'!"

Posted by: Pompous Magnus | October 4, 2007 11:20 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, that's right Billy, I've seen Kathy Bates naked.

Posted by: michael | October 4, 2007 11:25 AM | Report abuse

America's Sweethearts... the Joker and the jokester.

Posted by: niceFLguy | October 4, 2007 11:29 AM | Report abuse

I have a few:

" I must be crazy to be in a looney bin like this. Couldn't my agent have gotten me someone better to hold on to me. Like a hot, younger girl, not this old creep."


"I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep. But seriously, get off me now."

"The Truth, you can't handle the truth. The truth is that we are has been, washed up and forgotten. Or at least you are."

Posted by: Allison | October 4, 2007 11:30 AM | Report abuse

When Harry Met Scary

Posted by: Helena Handbasket | October 4, 2007 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Jack! It still works, trust me. I just don't use it as often as you do.

Posted by: Bluto | October 4, 2007 11:31 AM | Report abuse

I'll pretend to be scared of you if you pretend that you find me funny.

Posted by: L8yF8 | October 4, 2007 11:33 AM | Report abuse

lol, Helena Handbasket, I thought of the same thing.

Posted by: Anonimis | October 4, 2007 11:33 AM | Report abuse

When Scary Groped Harry

(Helena deserves half the credit for this one.)

Posted by: niceFLguy | October 4, 2007 11:36 AM | Report abuse

Hey Jack, this is the face I make when I'm at the proctologist. What about you?

Posted by: fft5305 | October 4, 2007 11:37 AM | Report abuse

BC: Hey, Mr. Handsy McGrabsalot, that's private property!

Posted by: Anonymous | October 4, 2007 11:38 AM | Report abuse

First in line for the Early Bird Special, can you believe our luck?

Posted by: Cubeland, MD | October 4, 2007 11:41 AM | Report abuse

JN: You let go of mine, I'll let go of yours.

BC: You go first.

Posted by: b | October 4, 2007 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Okay, okay! My heart and my mind will follow! Just let go already!

Posted by: Great Stone Face | October 4, 2007 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Jack: Don't Jonny Fairplay me, I'll Danny Bonaduce your A _ _ !

Posted by: MLF | October 4, 2007 11:51 AM | Report abuse

They can't *handle* the truth.

Posted by: Kelli | October 4, 2007 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Following the advice from good friend Dennis Hopper, Jack plans for his retirement by only dating bankable comics.

Posted by: Lisa1 | October 4, 2007 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Billy and Jack cackle wildly at the thought of ever shopping at Target.

Posted by: SMACK | October 4, 2007 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Billy: If you laugh with your mouth wide open, it reduces chicken neck.

Jack: But if you'd clench your teeth like this, it might hide your goiter.

Posted by: SMACK | October 4, 2007 12:07 PM | Report abuse

Even thought the target was in the middle, the sharpshooter was told to aim 4 inches to the side - it didn't matter which way.

Posted by: not bluto | October 4, 2007 12:10 PM | Report abuse

JN: Sing "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story.

Posted by: Doug Wann | October 4, 2007 12:28 PM | Report abuse

I vote for michael. I nearly spit my coffee all over the keyboard!

Posted by: CMC | October 4, 2007 12:32 PM | Report abuse

I vote for SMACK's comment.

Posted by: byoolin | October 4, 2007 12:39 PM | Report abuse

Billy Crystal cracks up after hearing the details of Jack Nicholson's daily fiber regimen.

Posted by: cjbriggs | October 4, 2007 12:49 PM | Report abuse

You can't handle the receding hairline.

Posted by: Irish_Ed | October 4, 2007 12:50 PM | Report abuse

Billy Crystal finally learns who danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.

Posted by: cee_jay | October 4, 2007 12:56 PM | Report abuse

Billy: Hey Jack, looks like you forgot to brush your hair too.

Posted by: LBH219 | October 4, 2007 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Billy and Jack acting out a scene from the latest Depends commercial....no more missing out no life because of bladder problems for these two!

Posted by: Shocked and Awed | October 4, 2007 1:04 PM | Report abuse

BC: Does my breath stink?

JN: Yes. Are these my teeth?

Posted by: Doug Wann | October 4, 2007 1:05 PM | Report abuse

I meant "on life" not "no life"...woops

Posted by: Shocked and Awed | October 4, 2007 1:05 PM | Report abuse

Two flew over the cuckoos nest.

Posted by: Irish girl | October 4, 2007 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Jack: Oops, please pardon me!

Billy: Oh the stench, the humanity!

Posted by: Gamey | October 4, 2007 1:08 PM | Report abuse

You can't handle the receding hairline.

Posted by: Irish_Ed | October 4, 2007 12:50 PM

lol. gets my vote.

Posted by: Anonimis | October 4, 2007 1:10 PM | Report abuse

Billy Crystal reacts after finding out Jack Nicholson just punk'd him out of his Hoveround.

Posted by: Gordon | October 4, 2007 1:22 PM | Report abuse

Billy Crystal (b1948) screams in horror at the sudden realization that he looks older and fatter then Jack Nicholson (b1937). Jack at least has years of hard partying and models to look back on. What the hell did does Billy have to look back on pastries and cheese?

Posted by: carefree | October 4, 2007 1:23 PM | Report abuse

Maybe we shouldn't have started the metamucil today.....

Posted by: SCGirl | October 4, 2007 1:23 PM | Report abuse

"Maybe we shouldn't have started the metamucil today....."


BAWHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Posted by: Anonymous | October 4, 2007 1:33 PM | Report abuse

JN: Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
BC: Stop the insanity, Jack! You're channeling Susan Powter!

Posted by: aj | October 4, 2007 1:34 PM | Report abuse

"How about those NY Mets?"

Posted by: WDC 21113 | October 4, 2007 1:39 PM | Report abuse

You've got due process, Mother's Day, supermarkets, the FBI, Medicare, air conditioning, AT&T, country clubs, Congress, a 2-car garage, state troopers, the Constitution, color television and democracy. They've got BILLY JACK.

Posted by: Also Ran | October 4, 2007 1:42 PM | Report abuse

I'd ask who's giving who the wedgie here, but I'm not even sure they know.

Jack Nicholson wears sunglasses to protect his eyes from the glare of Billy Crystal's enormous forehead.

Posted by: ASinMoCo | October 4, 2007 1:58 PM | Report abuse

"S'awright!!"

Posted by: Ad Jr. | October 4, 2007 2:07 PM | Report abuse

We both have wavy hair, its wavying goodbye.

Posted by: Milhouse | October 4, 2007 2:20 PM | Report abuse

"eHarmony, where matches are so close, they're really creepy."

Posted by: Philaphied | October 4, 2007 2:22 PM | Report abuse

When Harry Met Scary!!

Best one by far!!!

Then SMACK's chicken neck line...

Posted by: my vote | October 4, 2007 2:30 PM | Report abuse

It took me forever to get ready to day--10 minutes!

Glad we ain't broads, huh?

Posted by: SJK222 | October 4, 2007 2:42 PM | Report abuse

At this point, the event organizers began to regret serving the LSD-spiked Koolaid.

Posted by: Angela | October 4, 2007 2:42 PM | Report abuse

Jack, I don't know what you're looking for, but it's a little to the left.

Posted by: JF | October 4, 2007 2:45 PM | Report abuse

Billy Crystal can't believe Jack's "Wall of Crap" defense was so effective.

Posted by: OD | October 4, 2007 3:02 PM | Report abuse

Jack: "I can't wait to jab him with the adrenaline spike."

Billy: "I can't wait for him to jab me with the adrenaline spike."

Posted by: OD | October 4, 2007 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Jack: And then I told the waitress, make me a chicken salad sandwich, hold the bread, hold the mayo and take the chicken salad and.....

Posted by: b | October 4, 2007 3:11 PM | Report abuse

Crystal and Nicholson celebrate the inking of their new deal for "City Slickers III: The Legend of the Tanning Salon."

Posted by: CJB | October 4, 2007 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Nicholson reluctantly agrees to play Crystal's life partner on the planned HBO remake of "Soap".

Posted by: CJB | October 4, 2007 3:37 PM | Report abuse

"No, Billy, THIS is a spinal tap!"

Posted by: CJB | October 4, 2007 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Billy: One little murder and you are Jack the Ripper.

Jack: Ever dance with the devil?

Posted by: DJ | October 4, 2007 3:59 PM | Report abuse

Billy: I hope I got enough on-the-job training for my next movie, Jack.

Jack: What's the movie?

Billy: "Proctologist to the Mob." Let me give you a sample!

Posted by: cdintaman | October 4, 2007 4:01 PM | Report abuse

Nicholson and Crystal debate the merits of the taste of regular versus orange Metamucil.

Posted by: Pinky | October 4, 2007 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Nicholson and Crystal simultaneously electrocuted onstage.

Posted by: Pinky | October 4, 2007 4:21 PM | Report abuse

I'll see your flabby double chin and raise you one!

Posted by: Chele Fernandez | October 4, 2007 5:06 PM | Report abuse

Billy: "Be sure to say 'when' when they are filling in your lines with Botox."

Jack: "Be sure to say 'when' when they are pulling your skin back during the face lift."

Posted by: Kiki | October 4, 2007 5:09 PM | Report abuse

The paternity test confirms their darkest fears.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 4, 2007 5:13 PM | Report abuse

Overheard... two Hollywood legends reminisce about the good ole days and make expressions from their favorite starring role.

Legend 1, "Here's mine from City Slickers! Not 2, though; that wasn't that funny."

Legend 2, "Here's mine from [insert name of any Jack Nicholson movie, EVER]. Funny thing, I smile like this all of the time now."

Posted by: Kelly | October 4, 2007 5:16 PM | Report abuse

That's right Billy, I'm marrying your daughter.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 4, 2007 5:26 PM | Report abuse

That's right Billy, I'm going commando.

Posted by: RD Padouk | October 4, 2007 5:32 PM | Report abuse

"Even thought the target was in the middle, the sharpshooter was told to aim 4 inches to the side - it didn't matter which way."

Ah, not bluto, you are so.... on-target today! That killed me!

Posted by: Bogta | October 4, 2007 5:32 PM | Report abuse

Billy: It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.

Jack: Get out of my way son, you're usin' my oxygen.

Posted by: glendale | October 4, 2007 5:36 PM | Report abuse

Zero-sized actress Lara Flynn Boyle, center, gamely endures a rendition of "The Surrey With The Fringe On Top" from two fringe-topped crooners.

Posted by: Thor | October 4, 2007 8:10 PM | Report abuse

Jack, I don't know what you're looking for, but it's a little to the left.

Posted by: JF | October 4, 2007 02:45 PM


EXCELLENT@

Posted by: Karen | October 4, 2007 9:25 PM | Report abuse

Old dogs sport new tricks at Target mascot tryout.

Posted by: Mr. Natural | October 5, 2007 1:02 AM | Report abuse

Tom Laughlin and Delores Taylor share a laugh as they attend the AFI screening of the cult classic "Billy Jack." (The Post earlier mistakenly identified the actors as Billy Crystal and Jack Nicholson.)

Posted by: Mr. Natural | October 5, 2007 7:38 AM | Report abuse

aggkk!!! I look as old as Jack!

Posted by: gamecock | October 5, 2007 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Billy Crystal clearly forgot that when standing next to Nicholson, your ass will probably get grabbed.

Posted by: lydacole | October 5, 2007 8:59 AM | Report abuse

By unhinging his jaw, the male Crystal can consume his weight in Nicholsons.

Posted by: Patchen | October 5, 2007 4:03 PM | Report abuse

Billy: You got the "gentleman's thong" in the Oscar swag bag too? I thought that was only for hosts.

Posted by: aj | October 6, 2007 3:08 PM | Report abuse

Nurse Ratched, Nurse Ratched! McMurphy voided!

Posted by: Martini | October 6, 2007 11:23 PM | Report abuse

The amazing new future camera captures Jon Steward and Steve Carell at the 2030 AFI tribute to fake news.

Posted by: Ruby C | October 8, 2007 12:19 AM | Report abuse

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