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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 12/17/2007

Comment Box: Celine Dion's Big Screen Debut

By Liz Kelly

Celine Dion, ready for her closeup. (AP)

What could Celine Dion possibly do that would make her career cheesier? Her own Branson theater? A Proactiv infomercial? -- Came to me in the midst of a fever-induced dream state

Branson, Mo. -- that bustling cornball circuit -- takes on the sophisticated notes of a fine brie when compared with the noxious Velveeta cloud smothering the Canadian chanteuse as she takes her final Vegas stage show to... a theater near you! That's right -- for the bargain basement price of just $12.50 (take that, Hanna Montana!), you stalwart foot soldiers in the Dion army can congregate tonight at a select list of multiplexes across the country to honor your hammy queen.

Delight in Dion's stage show (" artistic collection of powerful song and dance, fantastical imagery, reoccurring characters and special effects...") while munching on pop corn and Milk Duds. One-up the usual concert experience by remaining conveniently seated throughout Dion's rousing stage show. Fire alarm? No pesky arena stampede for you -- just walk (do not run) to the nearest exit.

To find a participating theater near you, click here.

If an MLB player is named as a steroid user in George's Mitchell's report, does that automatically grant the player celebrity status? -- Submitted during last week's Celebritology Live discussion

In a word, no. At least not here. Strict Celebritology guidelines require that one a) make a splashy entry into the world of entertainment, b) make a splashy tabloid cover story, or c) marry Britney Spears in order to qualify for actual "celebrity" status.

Comments of the Week
"William Shatner's myspace page is pretty in-depth. If you add him as a friend, he will send bulletin postings every day. As I am writing this, I realize what a dork I am." -- Marie comments on How Webby is Bill Shatner

"There is something horribly askew in the world when a sock run over by Britney Spears sells on Ebay for some stupid amount of money and yet an Orson Welles Oscar doesn't sell at all." -- Bored at Home on Morning Mix: Jessica Alba Preggers

Query: Are you secretly (or not secretly) a fan of Britney Spears's new album, singles and/or videos? If so, e-mail me at and explain why.

By Liz Kelly  | December 17, 2007; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Comment Box  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Morning Mix: Travolta Dumped from 'Dallas' Remake -- Report
Next: Morning Mix, Mysteries Edition: Pam's Marriage; Jacko's Face


1: Would that "the noxious Velveeta cloud smothering the Canadian chanteuse" Celine Dion were a literal and not figurative one.

2: Congrats to Bored@home and Marie on the Comment of the Week wins!

Posted by: byoolin | December 17, 2007 10:55 AM | Report abuse

couple o' things...i've found out that sing along with celine is indeed coming to a theater near me and if you'll cover the $12.50 (plus a little extra for nachos, good 'n' plentys and a coke) i would be delighted to go watch it for you, liz kelly, and report back. just lemme know. (hey, i've got nothing better to do this tuesday night.)

Posted by: methinks | December 17, 2007 11:00 AM | Report abuse

uh, clicked submit before i finished my comment. bored's comment was brilliant. kudos and congrats. and marie, you're not a dork. now you would be if your last name was osmond...

Posted by: methinks | December 17, 2007 11:01 AM | Report abuse

whew ... the only place the Écouter ala Celine is being served in tennessee is in misshippy, it's only in pearl and gulfport, and in arkansas, it's only in little rock.

Posted by: b, who is in memphis | December 17, 2007 11:19 AM | Report abuse

I think the photo that accompanies the bit about Celine documents her career at it's cheesetastic of cheesiest quite well.

$12.50 seems kinda high. I'll do $2.50.

Posted by: petal | December 17, 2007 12:17 PM | Report abuse

$12.50? Nah, I think I'll just wait until it hits the Cinema/Drafthouse for the second run; it seems la Dion would go much better with alcohol. :)

Posted by: CentrevilleMom | December 17, 2007 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Headline: "McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times"

If that isn't "b) a splashy tabloid cover story", then I don't know what is.

We're talking about grown men injecting things in buttocks, people! For pay! Hello?

Posted by: RP | December 17, 2007 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Maybe when it comes to the $1.00 cinema and even then I'll have to be extremely drunk and be allowed to throw things at the screen.

Posted by: just say no to celine | December 17, 2007 12:35 PM | Report abuse

RP, what's your point?

Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 12:36 PM | Report abuse

Query: Are you secretly (or not secretly) a fan of Britney Spears's new album, singles and/or videos? If so, e-mail me at and explain why.

Don't forget to submit with photos of yourself with your home address and phone number so that you may be mocked at a later time.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 12:38 PM | Report abuse

You forgot to mention that these "select multiplexes" are "Adult" and they will have Dion look-a-likes offering to go down on you like the Titanic.

Posted by: Zamora | December 17, 2007 12:55 PM | Report abuse

Celine Dion has a beautiful voice, but her head is far too large for her body and looks like a precariously perched lollipop.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 1:31 PM | Report abuse

this is apropos of absolutely nothing but i just fixed my stove top by myself (i had to replace two heating elements) and i feel like i can take on the world. RRRROOOOAAARRR! (cough* cough*)

Posted by: methinks | December 17, 2007 2:14 PM | Report abuse

Isn't Celine Dion the French phrase for, "Does this scrawny rack, all draped in chiffon and sequins, make my head look fat?"

Posted by: MisterBear | December 17, 2007 2:16 PM | Report abuse


And I didn't even mention the ony-pays in my comment & still won!

Best part was, I wasn't even trying to funny. It makes me sad & angry that no one bought his Oscar. :-( If I had a few extra million lying around I would've bought your Oscar Mr. Welles & then donated it right back to the Academy.

As for Celine, she's right up there on my "I don't like his/her music, but I realize he/she has amazing vocal abilities." She has an amazing range & I can appreciate her vocal capabilities but I really don't dig her much.

She's very Streisand-esque in my book. Yet in the interviews with her that I've seen she seems like a very nice, funny person. Unlike Babs. Babs comes off as a little too full of herself. If I had a choice, I'd rather hang with Celine than with Streisand.

Posted by: Bored @ home (aka 2 time Celebritology Comment of the Week Winner!) | December 17, 2007 2:17 PM | Report abuse

Celine would have an amazing range, but so few of us own a trebuchet, catapult or cannon from which to launch her.

The image that Zamora has called up, on the other hand, is profoundly disturbing. So much so, in fact, that Zamora can have my turn.

Posted by: byoolin | December 17, 2007 2:27 PM | Report abuse

big props to methinks.

Again, byoolin makes me laugh. The mental picture of CD being flung by catapult off the deck of the sinking Titanic made my day!

Actually, wasn't there a time before that horrid song & craptacular movie when Celine did not resemble a lollipop (or blow pop)? Back when she was a pretty girl with an amazing voice...

Posted by: jes | December 17, 2007 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Speaking of (choose one) titanic/blow pops, amateur sex-tape actress Pamela Anderson filed for divorce from amateur sex-tape actor Rick Salomon on Friday.

They had been married, appropriately enough, for 69 days.

Posted by: byoolin | December 17, 2007 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Pam Anderson/Rick Solomon divorcing,,20166765,00.html

Who else is surprised that these kids couldn't make it work?

Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 3:06 PM | Report abuse

69 days...tee hee. good pickup, byoolin.

Posted by: methinks | December 17, 2007 3:13 PM | Report abuse

Actually, I saw a pre-screening of the movie already. It's just a re-release of Old Yeller.

Posted by: Zamora | December 17, 2007 3:19 PM | Report abuse

the snarkiness of this thread is the perfect antitode for monday!

Posted by: b | December 17, 2007 3:23 PM | Report abuse

I'm intrigued by this phenomenon of live simulcast events in movie theaters - the metropolitan opera has been doing it for a year or so now, and my aunt says it's great. I'm skeptical (and I'm an opera fan). I guess, if you were really into Celine Dion fan - and even if none of us are, *someone* must be, not all those ticket-buyers can be celebritological ironists - this might be pretty cool.

Gosh, now I kind of almost want to go to see what the fuss is about. Kind of. Almost. Not. Also, I want to know who seriously likes Celine Dion. Who are these people? Anyone? Anyone?

Posted by: h3 | December 17, 2007 3:39 PM | Report abuse

In case you couldn't guess, my "really into Celine Dion fan" means "really into Celine Dion," not "really into Celine Dion fans" - although I'd be interested in learning about *that* particular issue, too.

Posted by: h3 | December 17, 2007 3:46 PM | Report abuse

while i appreciate a good dose of snark 'n' sarc(asm), watch out for treading too closely to a classic like 'old yeller'. i mean, i get ya, but just watch it.

Posted by: methinks | December 17, 2007 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Liz have you ever been to Branson?

Just wondering! You know everyone can't live on DC.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 4:05 PM | Report abuse

byoolin, how am I going to explain the water damage to my laptop?

To anonymous at 4:05, I don't think we need to have actually visited Branson to have a general idea of how we feel about it. For goodness sake doesn't Yakov Smirnoff perform there?

Posted by: jes | December 17, 2007 4:12 PM | Report abuse

What? No Celine Dion love for Alaska or Hawaii?

All the MoCoSnarkys have to go to Tysons to see it. Be damned if we're treking all the way to Abingdon, even if we knew where that was.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | December 17, 2007 4:15 PM | Report abuse

I live in Missouri and have been to Branson, so if you have any preconceived notions about what Branson is really're right, it is just that bad.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 17, 2007 4:43 PM | Report abuse

My (age) 70+ inlaws love Branson. All the retirees pull up in their RVs to see the Dolly Parton breakfast show.

Posted by: Kris | December 18, 2007 9:25 AM | Report abuse

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