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Posted at 10:43 AM ET, 01/30/2008

Don't Look Now, Here Comes Marie Osmond Again

By Liz Kelly

Marie Osmond, from dance-off to daytime. (AP)

Since I'm riding on a pre-"Lost" high, it would take a lot -- like a Diane Keaton-Gwyneth Paltrow smothering nightmare -- to bring me down right now. But the coquettishly evil Marie Osmond almost managed to harsh my mellow with news of her impending daytime talk show, sickeningly titled "Marie."

Yes, the one-time teen star turned dollmaker who credited the Bible with inspiring her "Dancing With the Stars" participation will be bringing her unique talent for [jury's still out] to the talk show landscape.

Suddenly I can't beat back images of Osmond, dressed like this, surrounded by a council of freakish Osmond-created dolls, all polyester lace and cackles, emitting some cloying, flowery scent that surely masks some soul-stealing vapor.

Which kind of runs counter to this statement from one Josh Raphaelson who will be partly responsible for bringing this abomination to TV: "Marie Osmond is unique in this industry. She is a star with an authenticity that makes her relatable to every woman in America."

I guess that makes me atypical, because, umm... je ne relate pas to "a little bit country and a whole lot of annoying." In fact, je deteste! If '70s kitsch is the next big thing for daytime talk, can't we go with Charo? She's not busy.

The one comfort is that "Marie" won't be hitting airwaves until fall 2009. (Way to ride that "Dancing with the Stars" buzz!) Eighteen whole Marie-free months away. Lots could happen to derail the show between now and then. Or I could give up TV.

By Liz Kelly  | January 30, 2008; 10:43 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, TV  
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