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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 01/15/2008

Fantasy Celebrity Political Endorsements: B-List Action Stars Edition

By Liz Kelly

Chuck Norris speaks out for Huckabee at a campaign stop before the New Hampshire primary. (AP)

Chuck Norris has not been in a film or on television for years (except for infomercials), but now he even accompanies Mike Huckabee to interviews... Does he really add a macho image to Huckabee (who, you have to admit, has a pretty wimpy last name)? What would Dennis Kucinich need? His wife is gorgeous but he looks like a character in "The Lord of the Rings." -- Submitted via last week's Celebritology Live discussion

Well, since you asked...

Dennis Kucinich
Ideal B-List Action Movie Endorser: Beastmaster's Marc Singer.
Why? The vegan candidate, often portrayed as the milkiest of milquetoasts, needs to demonstrate that even animal-loving types can take on a despotic Rip Torn or rely on our vast, untapped national animal intuition resource to win the war on terror.

Hillary Clinton
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "Red Sonja's Brigitte Nielsen
Brigitte Nielson may be a celebreality train wreck now, but in 1985 she rocked Arnold Schwarzenegger's world as prototypical femme warrior Red Sonja. Sonja's take-no-prisoners attitude and leather-n-lace image is just what Hillary needs to project the sought after iron lady vibe.

Barack Obama
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "The Karate Kid's" Ralph Macchio
Sure, he's got Oprah on his side. But imagine the Gen-X buzz when this outsider who fought incredible odds to prevail against a blond opponent strides into the Democratic National Convention and delivers his signature crane kick to Billy Zabka Hillary. Wax on!

John Edwards
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "The Last Starfighter's" Lance Guest
Who? Exactly. (And, seriously, what was Robert Preston doing in this movie?)

John McCain
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "Rambo: First Blood Part II's" Sylvester Stallone
Rambo's daring rescue of Vietnam POWs make him the ideal celebrity spokesperson for McCain, himself a six-year prisoner in Vietnam. (Sorry, but the "Missing in Action" franchise's Norris was already taken.)

Mitt Romney
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: Michael Landon
Okay, so he wasn't exactly an action movie guy and he passed away in 1991, but Landon's ability to meld his spiritual side with mainstream TV hits ("Little House on the Prairie" and "Highway to Heaven") may help Romney to sell a wary voting public on the idea of a non-threatening spirituality.

Rudy Giuliani
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "Escape from New York's" Kurt Russell
Okay, so Giuliani really doesn't have that much in common with Russell's badass portrayal of Snake Plissken, but we here at Celebritology central take every opportunity to make a Plissken reference.

Fred Thompson
Ideal B-List '80s Action Movie Endorser: "The Hunt for Red October's" Fred Thompson
Wow, life imitates art! Just like his character in the 1990 Cold War thriller, Fred Thompson's role in the Republican race can best be described as "supporting."

---
Tanya Ballard Brown, Jen Chaney, Maura McCarthy, Paul Williams and Frank Thomason contributed to this piece.

By Liz Kelly  | January 15, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
 
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