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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 03/27/2008

Demi Moore Hasn't Lobotomized Herself. Yet.

By Liz Kelly

Demi Moore and 14-year-old daughter Tallulah Belle. (Getty Images)

Preternaturally hard-bodied Madonna swears oxygen therapy is part of her health regime. And remember last year when Debbie Harry casually let slip that she allowed doctors to inject her with sheep embryos in a bid to retain her youthful good looks? Well, Demi Moore -- cougar extraordinaire -- has one-upped Debbie, Madonna and every Botox-ified freeze face out there by submitting to a round of bloodletting by leeches to keep herself looking like a fresh-faced youth.

The leeches, Moore told David Letterman, were placed in her belly button. They bit, swelled and left the 45-year-old actress feeling "detoxified" (yet still married to Ashton Kutcher).

This is the part of the post, you're thinking, where Liz starts to skewer Demi for being a bubble-headed idiot of the first order (and a pretty mediocre actress to boot). Not so. Instead, I say "thank you." Thank you, Demi Moore, for being brave enough to make your struggle with toxification public and share the intimate details of your quackery treatment.

How many other discarded ancient arts can be revived in aid of toxic celebrities? Perhaps a little trepanation is just what Britney Spears needs to be relieved of her melancholia. And what could possibly correct Priscilla Presley's disastrous potato-face plastic surgery than an above-the-neck amputation? And, if we hurry up and get Keith Richards mummified now, he'll last for at least another two Stones tours.

One star, at least, may already be taking Demi's example to heart. Amy Winehouse's publicist says impetigo is responsible for the profusion of scabs on the British singer's face. But since we know Amy to be one woman in need of extreme detoxification, well... think about it.

By Liz Kelly  | March 27, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities  
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Comments

Indeed, never have we seen so many people whose humors are so completely out of balance. I recommend ingesting mud for starters, then a round or two of bloodletting, and an onion enema before bed. Then we'll know what we're dealing with.

Posted by: WDC | March 27, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

http://blogs.webmd.com/all-ears/2008/03/medical-leeches-what-works-and-what.html

Most leech use is pure quackery. But the article goes on to say...

"Leeches do have modern uses, however, especially in plastic surgery. Accumulated blood under a wound lifts the tissue and prevents it from attaching. In most cases, we insert surgical drains to allow this old blood to come out. However, surgical drains, themselves, can leave unsightly scars.

"Accumulated blood (hematoma) is also a reservoir for infection. By attaching these little creatures instead of a drain, the blood will be painlessly sucked out of the wound, reducing infection and improving the cosmetic outcome. Leeches have been successfully used by surgeons who have reattached amputated fingers or toes. ENTs have attached them to outer ears that have been traumatized, thus preventing a cauliflower ear deformity..."

Posted by: Just the facts ma'am | March 27, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

Isn't Keith Richards already mummified? Or at least pickled?

Posted by: h3 | March 27, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

Oh and there was a totally cool article in the New Yorker a few years ago about medicinal uses for leeches:
http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2005/07/25/050725fa_fact_colapinto
(no full text available). They're great for removing blood and preventing clotting, but I'm not sure "detoxifying" is one of their jobs.

Posted by: h3 | March 27, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

google ads are so funny. this blog entry kicked up a bunch about colon cleansing.

priscilla's case proves there's nothing that a shot of 10W-40 won't cure.

Posted by: b | March 27, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

"And, if we hurry up and get Keith Richards mummified now, he'll last for at least another two Stones tours."

Nonono, mate, I did *that* for Steel Wheels and I'm not doing it again.

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2007/06/27/world/27mummy_lg.jpg

Posted by: Keef | March 27, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

They tried to give Amy leeches, but she said.... OK, I won't do it. That joke is a little tired now, I suppose.

Posted by: akmitc | March 27, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

I wonder if the leeches work for joint pain. I'm looking at those shoes Demi's wearing and my ankles are aching in sympathy. Yet still...I want.

Posted by: PGM | March 27, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Props to Demi for the new use of leeches. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best. Here I was drinking water and having veggies. I wonder what other uses Hollywood can find for maggots apart from what they already do.

The thing that confuses me is why in the belly button. Is that the central hub for toxins?

Posted by: petal | March 27, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Funny, when I detox, the impurities...how shall I say...come out in a completely different way.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 27, 2008 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Ew.

Posted by: TdoubleB | March 27, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

Liz writes:

"And what could possibly correct Priscilla Presley's disastrous potato-face plastic surgery than an above-the-neck amputation?"


French fries, anyone?

Posted by: Sasquatch | March 27, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

Liz writes:

"And what could possibly correct Priscilla Presley's disastrous potato-face plastic surgery than an above-the-neck amputation?"


French fries, anyone?

Posted by: Sasquatch | March 27, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

its not impetigo - its drug use and abuse

Posted by: woowoo | March 27, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

The Stones have been dead for years, and holograms have been jamming in their place ever since. I'm convinced of this. Those old farts put on the best concert I've ever seen in my life, and the hologram theory is the only explanation for their ability to exert twice the energy of bands a third their age.

Posted by: musicgeek | March 27, 2008 1:32 PM | Report abuse

Yes, the normal way to detoxify is by using your kidneys. Or if that fails, dialysis. Hey, maybe that's the next wave in celebrity healthcare - recreational dialysis.

Posted by: h3 | March 27, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

"I look like a man."

Posted by: Tallulah | March 27, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

Am I the only one who thinks Tallulah looks like Bruce Willis in drag? Forget the leeches, Demi, your daughter looks like she has bigger problems.

Posted by: Marie | March 27, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Am I the only one who thinks Tallulah looks like Bruce Willis in drag? Forget the leeches, Demi, your daughter looks like she has bigger problems.

Posted by: Marie | March 27, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Just look at those bright pearly-white chompers... perhaps Demi is also practicing the dental care of the spanish (as per Catullus re Egnatius)

(why do i remember these things...)

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | March 27, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Does Demi Moore keep her plastic surgeon on retainer, and not let him work on anyone else? How come whatever she has done looks so good, unlike Priscilla Presley's or any number of other celebs with the shrink wrap facelifts.

Oh wait, it's not the surgeon, it's the leeches. Note to self: swim in the local creeks more often this summer.

Posted by: e | March 27, 2008 2:35 PM | Report abuse

How can two attractive people have 3 not so attractive kids? I was watching Now and Then over the weekend, there was a little girl with this weirdly squared face, I ran to my computer to check IMDB to find out that it was a young Rumor Willis. I used to think the the Willis girls would grow into their looks...boy was I wrong.

Posted by: Anonymous | March 27, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

Is Tallulah Willis wearing FUR?

Posted by: animal lover | March 27, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

Ok, I didn't see her on Letterman, but the first thing I thought (ok, the second thing, after 'ew!') was she has got to be kidding. I can't believe that she's really doing that. It has to be a joke. Seriously, don't forget who her husband is! I wouldn't be surprised if this was part of his Pop Fiction show, to see how many people go out to get leech facials or whatever now.

Hee hee - 'recreational dialysis'.

Posted by: liz | March 27, 2008 4:16 PM | Report abuse

Apparently most buildings have already re-adopted the idea of fresh air being dangerous. Hence all the hermetically sealed buildings. One must have a warm fire and the windows clothes if thou wishes to heal.

Posted by: ep | March 27, 2008 5:13 PM | Report abuse

is she nutz?

Posted by: maj | March 27, 2008 5:17 PM | Report abuse

Stupid things I have done for beauty:
-Botox, did it once, left with pin-dot needle marks all over my forehead, felt like a douche. Liked the effect, but never could overcome the inner voice chiding me that it's stupid to intentionally ingest botulism.
-Very high priced moisturizers with weird ingredients (altho suspect that all moisturizers come out of the same, gigantic vat and get different labels affixed)
-False eyelashes which, to date, I CANNOT get glued on my eyeballs
-Various pills and supplements, various prices, dubious purposes
-Clarisonic. Which I swear by. Totally worth the price.
-About 800 lbs. of makeup, a small portion of which, say 2 lbs. worth, I like and use

BUT i would never use leeches. I detox with a couple of glasses of wine.

Posted by: NW DC | March 27, 2008 5:33 PM | Report abuse

Amy Winehouse has meth-face. It's very distinctive. The sores are from the user's picking at the skin because of the feeling of bugs crawling on the skin. Amy and Brittney better have up-to-date wills, organ donation cards and body disposal methods determined.

Posted by: LLL | March 27, 2008 6:53 PM | Report abuse

Ashton's not really a leech. He's more of an intestinal parasite.

Posted by: DFC | March 27, 2008 7:45 PM | Report abuse

akmitc: they tried to give Amy Winehouse leeches, but the leeches said no no no. then they OD'd.

It could happen!

Posted by: Angela | March 27, 2008 10:17 PM | Report abuse

Maybe it's just me, but I can't help but wonder what Demi is going to do when the injections, leeches, diets, and plastic surgery don't work anymore? Will she settle for the comment "well, she looks good for her age" or go on to more drastic methods? (See above comments re Priscilla Presley.)

Posted by: BeachGirl | March 28, 2008 8:24 AM | Report abuse

The problem with the Willis-Moore offspring is that they got their father's looks, which is unfortunate when the child is a girl.

Ditto the Christie Brinkley-Billy Joel daughter, poor thing. Genetics are a bit*h.

Posted by: e again | March 28, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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