Friday List: Rehabbing Naomi Campbell

Why do we care about this woman?

Hey, from what I've heard about the abysmal situation in Terminal 5, I thought that for a change, she was probably no different than most folks. How many flights were cancelled? Don't some people still not have luggage?

Perhaps she should have let her little SoBe Life Water lizards take care of her bags...

Completely disregarding Louisa comment, because in her on words, "why do we care"? This last incident is not completely Naomi's fault considering all the problems they've had with the infamous "Terminal 5"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/29/AR2008032900827.html

They were asking for it.

So---because there are problems at Terminal 5, it's ok to assult someone? Is it just that beautiful famous people can commit assult, or can the rest of us slobs hit police officers, too? (Imagine what Brangelina could get away with!!!) A security officer at National actually broke something in my luggage one time. Could I hit him with my now non-functioning laptop upside the head? Come on--we need some guidance here, Chasmsosaur!!

Make her go on "America's Next Top Model" as a contestant.

Stoning. By jewel-encrusted cell phone.

Hook her up with Bobby Brown and make it a new reality show. I'm not sure how it would help either of them, but it would amuse me.

Failing that, I'm sure VH1's "Celebreality" team can come up with something.

I do kind of like the idea of sending in Dr. Phil. He'll either fix her (HA) or she'll kill him with her cell phone. If the latter happens she'll be jailed & we'll be rid of both of them.

I believe Campbell would be better described as a "former supermodel."

This is the Kathleen Battle scenario all over again...only worse. Battle didn't strike people. The only thing likely to work is to banish the repeat offender. Boycott the media that choose to use images of her...boycott the designers who choose to use her...hit 'em one and all in their pocketbooks and, poof! no more Naomi problem.

What she needs is a good shunning by all who work for her or could potentially work for her. When she doesn't have anyone to organize her appointments, clean her house, run her errands, do her hair and makeup, or act as a bodyguard, then she'll figure out that you draw more flies with honey than vinegar.

But I'll settle for some jail time for assaulting an officer. Wow, that was dumb. Did the uniform and badge not give it away?

Man, this chick is dangerous!!! Send her to Fallujah, our troops could use her.

The first steps should be a lifetime ban on Naomi owning personal electronics. The majority of her incidents involved her beating people with her phone or phone-type object; take the temptation of tossing small objects at people away and she might be able to start working on the temper.

She just needs a good %*!& whooping she'll stop then. She hasn't had the right assistant or maid I KNOW they weren't black cause she would have been dead! She is too violent and needs her butt kicked.

MEDICATION

Three rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson. 8-ounce gloves.

Who's Naomi Campbell?
*looks around innocently*

Frank Constanza's "Serenity Now" mantra.

How about a good square meal?

I'm with Pam, she needs an assistant that's going to hit back.

OK methinks, you made me laugh.

good one, methinks!

I think I'll go with the traditional male chauvinistic pig answer:

"She just needs to get Laid!"

I wonder how all these lawsuits are ending? Is she hemorrhaging money in structured payments?

In the real world, she should go to court, stand trial, and if convicted, do jail time.

In the much more fun world of celebrity justice as I imagine it, we'd have a reality show where celebs with similar accusations face off against each other. Lindsey Lohan will have a pills-and-booze contest with Robert Downey Jr. Hugh Grant and Eliot Spitzer will compete to see who can haggle the best hooker price. And Naomi Campbell will do a few rounds against Puffy Diddy Daddy, or whatever his name is. Well, his charges were dropped, but you get the idea.

Wheel! Of! Etiquette!

I'm seeing a Wheel of Fortune type spinner with photos of cell phones and suitcases.

Naomi's former staffers, hotel maids, airline personnel, and law enforcement officers compete for a chance to spin the wheel for a chance to throw at Naomi whatever object the needle lands on.

If Naomi can utter the words please, thank you, and I'm sorry in a nice voice between the time the wheel is spun and the object hurled, the contestant loses a turn.

If Naomi loses her temper, she is forced to stand with with her hands at her sides and the contestant gets an additional turn to lob something.

The game ends when either a) the contestants run out of objects or b) Naomi changes into a polite person.

They need to take away her electronics and replace them with fluffy stuffed animals.

Her employment agency needs to hire people trained in the martial arts or in mob terror techniques -- you know, hurt 'em without leaving bruises type stuff.

then she needs to spend 6 months working in a government budget office.

Bacon Pants!!

Photo shoot with Marilyn Manson!

Stab her with the adrenaline stick!

I'm with WDC. We get to smack the airport folks with any of our stuff they break. My checked bag was left partially unzipped. If anything had fallen out I would have been PISSED. It's not your stuff TSA, be careful with it. You break it or lose it, you bought it. It comes out of YOUR salary.

Considering the problems at heathrow, I would take all my luggage carry on too rather than check it. Too bad one of her assistant's wasn't below the carry on limit so could take Naomi's third bag.

She needs to run a gauntlet of those she has abused. They would be allowed to work her over hard for, say, twenty minutes with leather gloves. Might put a damper on the modeling though. Seems fair to me!

"What would you do to cure this supermodel of her hyper-aggression?"

Encase her in Nerf.

Or

Hit her with the adrenaline spike.

3 year sentence - suspended but 10 years of probation. Only condition = no cell phone.

If she ever has a cellphone in hand she does the 3 years.

Main reason, creativity. Although her phones have gotten cooler and more jewel encrusted she is still doing the same thing 10 years later. Its time to change and learn to hit people with other things.

stick her on a farm and make her fend for herself or ask for help!!!

I kind of like the idea of her going through a "Supermodel Etiquette Boot Camp" led by Heidi Klum.
I think Heidi could strike the perfect 'tough love' balance that Naomi so clearly craves. She needs someone who can speak her 'language', who's been on more SI swimsuit covers, and who still rocks the runway after giving birth to three children. Heidi doesn't take any guff off anyone. I'm pretty certain she could take Naomi down if necessary.

ep - "We get to smack the airport folks with any of our stuff they break."

Why do we have to wait for 'em to break anything? I say we just wait for 'em by the employee parking lot and JUST FOR FUN beat the bejeezus out 'em with a 1-qt ziploc bag full of 3-oz shampoos. (To throw the cops off, we scream, 'THIS IS FOR NAOMI' as we do it.)

(This suggestion brought to you by the TSA's Customer Service Hotline.)

Don't tell methinks she made you laugh - the woman has a *filthy* mind. :-)

hahahaHAHAHA!
byoolin, you made my day!

A valium enema

I don't know that she's really serious over-aggressive. I think she's just famous and can't get away with the little things and now she's got a rep for it so EVERYTHING's going to be scrutinized.

Is she still wrong and over the top? Yes. But I've seen lots worse on plenty of VH1 shows on a regular basis.

I think a permanent spot on Dr. Phil, but with Ms. Campbell in one of those water cages where you throw a baseball at a lever that, if you hit it, releases Ms. Campbell into a pool of water. Each day someone that has been the victim of Ms. Campbell's wrath is allowed to come on the show and try to dunk Ms. Campbell.

This wretch deserves jail time.

I think that a judge ought to order her to not pick up or use any mobile devices (cell phone, cordless phone, ipod, blackberry,...) because she seems to let fly with whatever is to hand when she gets mad. Banning her from airports should also settle her down a bit.

Sign her on for Celebrity Rehab 2 with Dr. Drew, now that would be good television.

She already showed up on "Make Me a Supermodel," so put her on a new show: "Remind Me That I'm a Human Being."

Make her a a spokeswoman for Campbell soup.

arranged marriage to soulmate OJ Simpson

Send her to Venezuela. She seems to have found a kindred spirit in Chavez.

Force feed her like a foie gras goose and MAKE HER FAT!!!

Either that or waterboarding. Hey, it's legal!

I know for a fact that the idiots at terminal 5 are amused by irritating passengers and if some reason they saw naomi coming, they wouldnt wouldnt hesitate to pull a fast prank like stealing her luggage knowing very well that all prior incidents with naomi have been cause because of thefts by even more idiotic assistants. I say she should have someone she trust deal with stuff like checking in luggage ie non carry on to avoid this at that particular terminal and to also hire a family member she trusts to be her personal slave. preferably someone who doesn't care about ebaying her prized dolce and gabbana gowns. thats my piece oh and yeah round table rehab with oprah sounds like a good watch although it might not be as practical as the aforementioned suggestions.

I think I'll go with the traditional male chauvinistic pig answer:

"She just needs to get Laid!"

Oh you silly omni, don't we all?

My vote is for Conglomerate @2:55.
Put her back in the public eye as soup-spokeswoman, highly visible to families with kids, give her a reasonable salary and then let the cameras run. Made-for-TV-win-win.

(I'm off to purchase some of Cambell's stock-shares right now...)

sorry - "Campbell"

Force her to hire Omarosa as her PA (personal assistant). THAT I would pay to see!

In three years, she'll be 40, which practically renders her irrelavant to the fashion industry.

Conglomerate: I can see Campbell's new soup tagline now: "Mmmm, mmm WATCHOUT!"

Make her compete to be Paris Hilton's new BFF.

five across the eye

But get out of her way when she lobs that can of Cream of Mushroom!

I think she's hungry. I know I'm evil when I'm dieting. Give her a buttery biscuit and she'll be sweet as pie. Just kidding.

Work for a year as Rosie O'Donnell's nanny.

I'd like to see Naomi on camera, live from Cell Block C in Joliet Women's Prison, asking the TV viewing audience, "Does this 300-pound, iron-pumping, diva-hating cellmate nicknamed 'Dora the Explorer' make my privileged butt look tired?"

h3 and mystery and now me:
Naomi needs to eat, she's been acting out because she only has water, cigarettes, and the occasional breath mint. Almost seriously, y'all, she's been a supermodel for like 20 years -- meaning that she hasn't had a filling meal in 20 years.

test, ignore

I think she needs to be whacked on the head with a cellphone. Maybe then she'll get an idea of what it's like to be assaulted.
And as for Heathrow, the airport is a mess.. or rather should I say BA is a mess. I have had my luggage delayed (they weren't lost, just arrived 3-5 days after me) the last three times I have flown with them in the past year. Every time.
I will never fly British again the future. That airport and that airline are just not worth the hassle.

This sort of thing always happens when there's a report about lousy safety procedures.

The public reads the headlines, reacts against the public contact employees. Then the employees over-react and begin acting like flight Nazis instead of flight attendants. Of course, all this horrible news of bad maintenance broke after the big Easter/ Spring Break rush. Two weeks ago they were 20 people over-sold, and today a flight was 1/4 empty.

From The Daily Mash (http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/naomi-campbell-to-wrestle-a-bear-20080404844/)

"SUPERMODEL Naomi Campbell has agreed to take part in a televised brawl with a bear.

".... Campbell is one of the most accomplished fighters in the world of international supermodelling, but until now has satisfied her appetite for violence by taking on domestic staff and public servants.

".... Campbell is training... by assaulting up to 20 hospitality workers and junior police officers a day.

"It is the first time a supermodel has agreed to fight a wild animal since Elle McPherson retired from alligator wrestling in 1997."

Most of the comments show why she is like she is - they all suggest violence as a way of fixing violence.

She has obviously suffered violence and severe abuse as a child. The answer is to get her to become aware of that, and not cover over her huge problems with money, clothes, drugs, booze etc.

It wont happen. She will always be an unhappy person waiting to explode - unless something big happens to catalyse change.
Maybe when shes older, and her looks have gone.
(not that I think she is good looking, but society at large labels her as such.)

Why is the Washington Post using Wikipedia as a reliable source of information?

"Why is the Washington Post using Wikipedia as a reliable source of information?"

Well, Jan, the WaPo has been quoting Bush and Cheney for years, too. At least Wikipedia lets people correct its mistakes.

My book, The Anger Cure, has the answer for her if she would only read it and follow the advice.

My program for Namomi - and this is the nice version because, aside from her nasty disposition, I think she's (I hate that I'm going to use this word) fabulous: group therapy, LITHIUM, and regular Bikram Yoga for life. And, for 1 year, ban her from having "staff", allow her to wear no makeup, make her do her own hair, and GASP! make her wear off-the-rack clothing!

Oops.... NAOMI..... only happens when I don't preview!

Aren't there any Mommies or Daddies in this group? Ms. Campbell needs to sit in the time-out chair. The rule-of-thumb is that the time should not exceed the child's age. So, after we explain to her why the behavior was naughty, she must sit in the chair for 38 minutes.

This women is a filthy pig spiting who does she think she is. She needs some time in jail..

She became famous from beauty and now the whole world is at her feet. From what I have read the new terminal 5 is in complete disarray. I am wondering why she was not on a more private flight.

She needs a radical change of clothing. Can't Karl Lagerfeld come up with a line of straight jackets? The New Loon look?

My book, The Anger Cure, has the answer for her if she would only read it and follow the advice.

Posted by: Kathleen O'Bannon, CNC | April 5, 2008 11:12 AM

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(Memo to Liz Kelly: you forgot to mention the time Naomi was busted at Borders for beating the bejeezus out of Bill Bryson with a bag of bibles.)

Threaten to revoke her visa to work in the U.S. It worked with Russell Crowe.

What she needs is a good kick in the ass. And a lesson in humility. And someone to teach her that other people exist in the universe and that it's not all about Naomi. Spare me, please from entitlement experts.

Feed her! I'm not being facetious. There are a lot of otherwise normal people (my son is one) who turn into raving maniacs when their blood sugar is low. As a superskinny supermodel, she obviously doesn't eat enough and her blood sugar must always be practically in the negative numbers. No wonder she's a mess. She's hungry! Like my son, in fact, she may refuse to recognize that she's hungry (of course, he's only nine) -- I've been known to hold my son down and force feed him chocolate when he's in a total meltdown. Someone should try that on her next time she has a public disintegration of this sort.