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Posted at 7:53 AM ET, 04/10/2008

Morning Mix: Ashlee Simpson Engaged

By Liz Kelly

For Spice Girl Melanie Brown and husband Stephen Belafonte, love means never having to wear matchy-matchy clothes. (Reuters)

Headlines: Sean Penn and Robin Wright halt divorce proceedings... Mike Myers will host MTV Movie Awards... Elton John helps Hillary Clinton raise $2.5 million... Ashlee Simpson engaged to boyfriend Pete Wentz... Angelina Jolie talks about her pregnancy for the first time... Bret Michaels sued for damage to "Rock of Love" mansion... Actor Stanley Kamel ("Beverly Hills 90210," "Monk") found dead.

Crime Watch: David Beckham ticketed for traffic violation... Barron Hilton's license suspended for a year in DUI case.

Rumor Mill: Katie Couric may leave CBS before her contract expires... Rehabbed Pat O'Brien returning to "The Insider"... Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem engaged?... Naomi Campbell hurled racist slurs at Heathrow cops... Paris Hilton shocks Liverpudlians when she checks into budget motel... Britney Spears designing line of kids' t-shirts?... Heather Mills sends hotel eight pages of instructions for daughter's diet.

Say What?
"The fatter she gets, the weirder she gets, the more I love her. I found her moderately appealing in the late 90s, but now I would marry her in a heartbeat." -- Moby allegedly speaks out about his attraction to Britney Spears

Chat Day: Join me at 2 p.m. ET for this week's electrifying edition of Celebritology Live.

By Liz Kelly  | April 10, 2008; 7:53 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Reality Check: 'Rock of Love 2'
Next: Melanie Brown's Catty Couture

Comments

"Moby's Proposes To Britney Spears," A Play In One Act.

(A sequel to "Moby's "very brief affair" with Natalie," the stage play, first published at http://blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/02/morning_mix_report_jlo_gives_b.html)


ACT I, SCENE 1

[A well-appointed and tastefully decorated room.]

SFX: A telephone rings. BRITNEY SPEARS enters.

BRITNEY: Hello?

[A pause as BRITNEY listens to the caller]

BRITNEY: What? Uh, NO.

[BRITNEY hangs up the phone]

BRITNEY (to herself): Nerd.

[CURTAIN]

Posted by: byoolin | April 10, 2008 8:32 AM | Report abuse

[Golf clap]

Well done, Byoo!

Posted by: Liz Kelly | April 10, 2008 8:34 AM | Report abuse

Bravo! Bravo!

Posted by: rachelt | April 10, 2008 8:41 AM | Report abuse

[BYOOLIN bows, then while no-one is looking, edits the title of the play to remove the extraneous apostrophe and s from the first word.]

Posted by: byoolin | April 10, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Because of that 8-page list, you know Paul is going to be sorely tempted to feed Bea some burgers...

Posted by: surlychick | April 10, 2008 8:48 AM | Report abuse

The fact that it was staged in a "A well-appointed and tastefully decorated room." rather than "An eccentrically-decorated, messy trailer." informs audiences that this a fiction.

I doubt Britney even knows who Moby is, so "Who??" would probably be the first word to be uttered after "Hello?"

Posted by: ... | April 10, 2008 8:48 AM | Report abuse

A Tony-worthy effort on the part of C'tology's fave playwright, byoolin.

And in other news, very sorry to read about Stanley Kamel.

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 8:50 AM | Report abuse

8:48 has a point, but I'll be damned if I rewrite it now just so I can get sued for a percentage.


On another topic, did anyone else find it odd that the Rock Of Love homeowner's complaint included no mention of the lingering mixed odours of Eau de Sqanque and sex? I can't imagine that would be something you could just clean up with bleach and Febreze.


Posted by: byoolin | April 10, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

I can't decide which I hate more the dress Mel B is wearing or her husband's jacket.

Posted by: Lisa1 | April 10, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

isn't Moby gay? He is at least bi. And yeah, a (maybe) gay, vegan, experimental musician goes for a fat waste of space whose favorite food items are Frappucinos and fries.

Posted by: Anonymous | April 10, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

RE: Mel & hubby...I don't think couples have to match, but at the very least they shouldn't clash. Especially if they're to be photographed together. Someone should have offered to change.

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 9:06 AM | Report abuse

I could have sworn Heather has spoken out against rich people and how self-centered they are. So, why on god's green earth is she raising her daughter like that? Paul managed to raise his other children without sending directions to hotel staff. Mostly because he raised his kids at home where Linda cooked for them, not in hotels.

Poor Beckham, they come to the US to be celebrities and this is the best they can come up with -- a traffic ticket. Not even for DUI.

Posted by: ep | April 10, 2008 9:14 AM | Report abuse

Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that the Moby-likes-Brit article had to insert "(an American playwright)" into Moby's "She's like this Tennessee Williams tragic figure" statement?

Has society really gotten to the point that people don't know who Tennessee freaking Williams is without a parenthetical?

Posted by: Kate | April 10, 2008 9:37 AM | Report abuse

Oops. I misquoted the parenthetical - it actually says "She's like this Tennessee Williams (US playwright) tragic figure," which I think might be worse ...

Posted by: Kate | April 10, 2008 9:39 AM | Report abuse

I would love to see How I Met Your Mother have Brit come back and have her character make an appearance with NotMoby.

Posted by: M Street | April 10, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Hey, Liz Kelly, if you weren't already aware, clicking on the celebritology link under "Entertainment" on the homepage still takes you to the Kathie Lee blurb from the other day. Can you please make it so I don't have to look at her when I want to read Celebritology? If you want to make it stick on a picture of Clooney, on the other hand, I'm all for it.

Posted by: Wikijen | April 10, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

"She's like this Tennessee Williams (US playwright) tragic figure," was actually how Moby spoke it. It's so nice to have parenthetical inserted into conversation, hopefully we'll see more of them in the future:

"Hello, I'm Katie Couric, and in Iraq today (US's forgotten war), we're now in our 12th year of occupation..."

"Charlton Heston (dead actor) will be best remembered for movies such as Ben-Hur (chariot movie) and Ten Commandments (old testament-like movie)"

Posted by: bing | April 10, 2008 10:06 AM | Report abuse

Pat O'Brien thinks that the best place for his recovery is Los Angeles? Is that not the very same place that got him into trouble (twice) in the first place?

Posted by: jlr | April 10, 2008 10:13 AM | Report abuse

Pat O'Brien thinks that the best place for his recovery is Los Angeles?

Sure beats DC!

Posted by: Anonymous | April 10, 2008 10:22 AM | Report abuse

Will Ashlee Simpson lip-synch her wedding vows? Will the first dance at the reception reprise the hillbilly hop she did on SNL?

Byoolin, the lingering question from the play is this: Is the play in one Nautral Act?

Posted by: Sasquatch | April 10, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Spice Girl and her husband should have both changed, and thrown away the clothes they have on in the picture.

Posted by: Amelia | April 10, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

Of course Britney knows who Moby is...he's the bald guy that got into a fight with Eminem at MTV that one time. Or something. That was before she had all those problems, y'all.

Posted by: 23112 | April 10, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

I thought Pat O'Brien died back in 1983.

Man He was great in "Some Like It Hot" and "Knute Rockne, All American" .

He must be like 99 years old now if he is still alive.

Posted by: omni | April 10, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Thank you byoolin, what a great way to start the Celebritology day.

And what sort of playwright would byoolin be parenthetically?

Posted by: jes | April 10, 2008 10:31 AM | Report abuse

"Moby's proposes" sounds like it should be part of the "Moses supposes his toeses are roses" song from Singin' in the Rain.

Posted by: h3 | April 10, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

I think it's ok that the Sun (British tabloid) includes a parenthetical explanation about Tennessee Williams - I wouldn't be so sure that he's as famous over there (small island monarchy) as here (North American superpower). Like when my friends from Japan (east Asian island nation) came to visit (stay) and they were big classical music fans (enthusiasts) but had never heard of Aaron Copland (American composer).

Posted by: h3 | April 10, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

And so goes the last little shred of whatever credibility and relevence Pete Wentz ever had.

Ehh, good luck to 'em anyway.

Posted by: EricS | April 10, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

h3, I actually wouldn't be surprised if a greater percentage of Brits know who he is than Americans.

See first and last bullet here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennessee_williams#Cultural_references

Posted by: omni | April 10, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

h3, I know I shouldn't be but I'm sad that your friends from the east Asian island nation (Japan) who were classical (boring) music enthusiasts (fans) didn't know who Aaron (not Moses's brother) Copeland (American composer) was.

I thought everyone knew that. Even people like me (uneducated) who don't pay attention to boring (classical) music.

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Methinks (regular commenter), I agree (concur) and was shocked (shocked!) that they didn't know (were not aware of) Aaron Copland (composer of "Rodeo" and other quintessentially American pieces of music). I think maybe it's just us (Americans) who know (I can't think of another way to say know) him (Aaron Copland).

Posted by: h3 (person with too much time on her hands) | April 10, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

And what sort of playwright would byoolin be parenthetically?

Posted by: jes | April 10, 2008 10:31 AM

****

You've seen my work. I'm obviously a (Vidalian playwright) (in the Gore Vidal "that's not writing, that's typing" sense of the word, not the sweetly flavourful Washington state onion sense (not that I don't love Vidalia onions, because I do (especially sauteed on a nice barbecued burger (which I don't eat too often, because I am trying to watch my weight (215-ish, these days (but I am trying to get to 190)))))).

( :-)

Posted by: (byoolin) | April 10, 2008 11:12 AM | Report abuse

Sorry, I just can't buy the Heather Mills story as true given that Paul is a vegan too. And what would that 8 page fax look like?

Posted by: Ame | April 10, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

I can't let that Vidalia/Washington state sweet onion comment go, byoolin.
Vidalia Onions come from Vidalia, GA, while the Washington state sweet onions come from Walla Walla.
We don't have much, down here in de land o' cotton (and onions), but we do have our Vidalia onions!

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 11:28 AM | Report abuse

talk about too much time on her hands...
"know"="ken"

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

as in "Ken Burns is a 'know-it-all'."

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin, I'm *this* close to running your posting through the Lint source code checker (http://docs.sun.com/source/806-3567/lint.html) to confirm that the number of close parentheses matches the number of open parentheses.

We wouldn't want a missing parenthesis to disrupt things and occasion something like a LINK TO THE 2-DAY OLD *$&%ing KATHY LEE GIFFORD POSTING, now would we?

Posted by: Sasquatch | April 10, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Not that Jolie's intentions aren't wonderful, but when did she become an expert on Iraq education policy?

And she looks even more like Janice Dickinson in the new photo!

I still want to know why Mel B's husband isn't in jail for felony animal cruelty.

The Simpson bimbo: Gee, a talentless, expressionless, plastic young woman and a very short rock star. That's a marriage that'll last. But yeah, good luck to 'em.

Posted by: Californian | April 10, 2008 1:09 PM | Report abuse

That was the best Say What EVER! Thanks, Liz!

Posted by: Marie | April 10, 2008 1:36 PM | Report abuse

methinks, I apologize! As one of Barack Obama's speechwriters once said, "I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future."

For what it's worth, the Vidalia is a superior onion to the Walla Walla. But Washington has volcanoes, which trump onions.

Posted by: byoolin | April 10, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

"For what it's worth, the Vidalia is a superior onion to the Walla Walla. But Washington has volcanoes, which trump onions."
Trump = quick fry to a crackly crunch.

Posted by: hangin in herndon | April 10, 2008 2:59 PM | Report abuse

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmpyroclasticonionsmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Posted by: byoolin | April 10, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

So can a volcano make a bloomin' onion?

Posted by: h3 | April 10, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

Sorry, kiddies. I have to disagree about the onions. I lived for many years in Maryland and ate a lot of Vidalia onions. I now live in Walla Walla. The onions here are MUCH better, as is life in general.

Posted by: editorhst | April 10, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Vidalia onions grow when days are short, Walla Wallas grow when days are long.

Posted by: Anonymous | April 10, 2008 4:10 PM | Report abuse

in other news, I have no pants (pantaloons)

Posted by: byoolin depantsed | April 10, 2008 4:24 PM | Report abuse

But do you have a ... p ... p ... pony? (There, I said it.)

Posted by: Californian | April 10, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

byoolin, please tell us you are not waiting to get to 190 (your ideal weight) before donning said pantaloons (drawers).

Posted by: jes | April 10, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

goodness me...everyone was so busy while i was out having a two drinkie luncheon. apology accepted, byoolin, as ever.
and to everyone else, whatever...(including you, editorhst, who prefers walla wallas to vidalias). at this point, i just don't care.

Posted by: methinks | April 10, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

Wow, looks like I got here just in time! Moby likes fat, weird chics, Byoolin is pantsless and methinks is tipsy - let the games begin!

Posted by: sunnydaze | April 10, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Onions are always disgusting. Period.

They are only tolerable in Chipotle's pico de gallo.

Posted by: Sigh | April 10, 2008 6:03 PM | Report abuse

Uh wait a minute, I thought Moby was gay- I would think he'd convert straight for a gal who at least looks like she bathes daily- sheesh, maybe that's part of the attraction- he just wants to clean her up and take care of her.

I think Sir Paul is vegetarian too- but if I were him I'd let Bea experiment w/chicken fingers, beef hot dogs & other meat products just to get that ex-wife of his in a frothy lather. Hee hee hee!

Not feeling the outfits that Mel or her husband are wearing. She normally looks phenomenal when she does guest spots on Access Hollywood- she has a figure that completely rocks and knows how to wear the right dresses that show that. The leopard print mu-mu makes her look like me now- 9 mos. pregnant.

Posted by: plamar1031 | April 10, 2008 6:08 PM | Report abuse

Onions are always disgusting. Period.

They are only tolerable in Chipotle's pico de gallo.

Posted by: Sigh | April 10, 2008 6:03 PM

*********

French onion soup?
Onion rings?
Roasted onions?
Kachumber salad?
Raita?

Posted by: byoolin | April 11, 2008 8:11 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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