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Posted at 7:48 AM ET, 05/21/2008

Morning Mix: Jessica Alba Marries

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Kristi Yamaguchi wins "Dancing WIth the Stars"... Jessica Alba marries baby-daddy Cash Warren... Dylan McDermott files for divorce from wife of 12 years... Pete Wentz says he and Ashlee Simpson signed a pre-nup... Dad working full-time for Britney Spears... Joaquin Phoenix hospitalized with stomach flu... Miley Cyrus shows off her house in latest InStyle magazine... Andy Garcia shows off his upper body in Cannes... Paris Hilton says she wants to have a baby in 2009... Heather Mills pens vegan lifestyle book... Jake Gyllenhaal to star as "Prince of Persia."

Crime Watch: Sex video shown to R. Kelly jury... Whitney Houston cleared of drug charges.

Rumor Mill: Former in-law accuses Billy Bob Thornton of cyberstalking... Jude Law spotted in makeout session with Kimberly Stewart... Mariah Carey planning third wedding celebration... New Spears sex tape in the offing?... Was newly-engaged Scarlett Johannson uninvited to Cannes premiere because of a jealous Woody Allen?... Hulk Hogan's son having a hard time in jail... Christian Bale on board for three "Terminator" movies.

By Liz Kelly  | May 21, 2008; 7:48 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: The Winehouse & Doherty Show: Totally Mental

Comments

Nick Hogan's friends say he's "struggling to even form a sentence" while he's in jail.

That's *serve*, boys & girls, "*serve* a sentence."

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 8:16 AM | Report abuse

OMG, as the kids say.

You MUST click on the Andy Garcia link to find out the alias he uses when he posts to Celebritology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 8:18 AM | Report abuse

Mariah's wedding celebration: "Picture a wedding on the scale of Liza Minnelli's [to David Gest] and you'll be right on track."

Note to unnamed source for that quotation: you might not want to use the Minnelli-Gest wedding as any kind of positive benchmark...

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 8:27 AM | Report abuse

Dearsweetgod PLEASE put a warning up for that Andy Garcia picture...shudders... I'm gonna have nightmares...

Posted by: PGM | May 21, 2008 8:37 AM | Report abuse

I always thought "Spawn Of Paris" would be a good title for a horror movie. Now we'll know.

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 8:40 AM | Report abuse

OK I luuuuvs me some hairy chests but hairy backs are such a fashion-don't for me.

If Mr. Garcia did some manscaping on that back & arms he'd be like buttah! LIKE BUTTAH!!

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 21, 2008 8:44 AM | Report abuse

Wait....I totally missed that whole "we're making more Terminator movies" thing.

WHY?!?!? Not complainin' about the casting cause Christian Bale is also like buttah, but still, I'd rather see him continue in the Batman franchise instead.

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 21, 2008 8:48 AM | Report abuse

Glad I had finished my bagel before clicking on the Andy Garcia link - oh my eyes! I will never be able to look at his suave handsome face again without flashing on it.

Posted by: BeachGirl | May 21, 2008 8:49 AM | Report abuse

I wouldn't take the New York Post story on Nick Bollea (aka Hogan) too seriously, not when they can't get the name of the jail right. He's in the Pinellas County FLORIDA jail, not California. Good grief.

Posted by: CRF | May 21, 2008 8:58 AM | Report abuse

Could Hogan ever form a sentence before this?

Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2008 9:07 AM | Report abuse

'"...Heather suggested drinking the different milk could help cut global warming.

She said: "There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don't we try drinking rats' milk and dogs' milk?"'

Wow...I wonder what Beatrice takes to school for lunch? I'll bet no one wants to trade her for any of it.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2008 9:11 AM | Report abuse

After looking at that picture, did anyone else wonder whether or not Andy's back hair could be braided? I wonder what that would look like???? Just me...i thought so.

Posted by: feeling goofy | May 21, 2008 9:14 AM | Report abuse

So what is "house" a euphemism for in the Miley article?

Posted by: sjcpeach | May 21, 2008 9:15 AM | Report abuse

Eeew! Andy Garcia....

I wasn't thinking about braiding Andy's back hair, but it did occur to me that with a little bit of pomade one could create some great swirls and dips and landscaping on his back. Perhaps a map of some French national forest.

Posted by: B'more cat lover | May 21, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

The photo of Andy Garcia brought back the horrible memory of the time I was running in the park and saw another runner come toward me, I thought to myself, "why is this guy wearing a sweater in the middle of summer?"...it wasn't a sweater. I thought I had blocked out that memory. Thanks Liz Kelly for bringing it back. I may never sleep again.

Posted by: jake e. poo | May 21, 2008 9:23 AM | Report abuse

Miley, no rollerskating on the cobblestones! For crying out loud, let's not teach our kids any more good habits.

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 9:25 AM | Report abuse

"Jamie Spears . . . was awarded a $2,500 weekly salary beginning in March."

Awarded? He is working for his daughter! What does "awarded" mean? By the court? By his oh-so-generous multi-million-dollar brat, er, daughter?

Pretty good pay for fetching Frappacinos.

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

well we know gwynneth (and others) deplore back fat but can we get a ruling on back hair?

what's the over and under on how long it will take for heather mills' book to reach the dollar bins?

Posted by: methinks | May 21, 2008 9:29 AM | Report abuse

Heather Mills asks, "Why don't we try drinking rats' milk and dogs' milk?"

She's obviously never tried to milk a rat. You need very tiny fingers. And really, there's not even enough to put in your coffee.

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 9:29 AM | Report abuse

Did Jamie Spears handle the editing of Brit's new video, or did he enlist Dad Of The Year (TM) Joe Simpson to handle that for him?

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 9:31 AM | Report abuse

Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, I --- oh, I already said that yesterday, didn't I?

"Mariah Carey planning third wedding celebration" -- she's been married three times? Did she lose the Mrs. Cannon title already? Where have I been?

As for the "substance abuse assessment" of Whitney, apparently she's been too busy drinking water with Paris and Paula to indulge in anything wack.

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 9:36 AM | Report abuse

Eh. I've got practically the same body hair as Andy, and frankly, I think the whole smooth-male look is skeevier. You know what other males are all smooth and hairless like that? LITTLE BOYS.

Besides, I tried going smooth one summer about twelve years ago, and between the shirts sticking to me (hairy guys don't have that problem) and the utter madness of itchiness and ingrowns, I'll never go back.

Andy Garcia...the newest member of the Real Men Club.

Posted by: Chewie | May 21, 2008 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Heather Mills is nuttier than a gluten-free fruitcake. Honestly, why does anyone still pay attention to her? Drinking rats' milk will help global warming? Saving the trees cut down to provide the paper for her book would help more.

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

Chewie - try get a boyzillian. once you try it you'll never go back. trust me.

Posted by: Washington DC | May 21, 2008 9:49 AM | Report abuse

Just reading about Billy Bob's stalking & read this:

"...this is the guy with a self-professed phobia of former British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli's hair, so you never know."

He has a phobia of this:

http://www.antique-prints.de/shop/Media/Shop/4168.jpg

Oh the roffles abound with that Billy Bob!!

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 21, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Chewie - try get a boyzillian. once you try it you'll never go back. trust me.

Posted by: Wax Off, VA | May 21, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Amen Chewie, as a wise droid once said "Let the Wookie win."

Posted by: michael | May 21, 2008 9:51 AM | Report abuse

Mariah and Nick, continuing on their journey toward quick, public, and highly entertaining marital disaster.

And Hulk's son in jail - isn't is supposed to be, you know, miserable? Isn't that, like, the point? You only have to suffer for a few months. That boy you destroyed is done forever, as is his family.

Can't even talk about the Andy Garcia thing. Going to gouge out my eyes now.

Posted by: jaybbub | May 21, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, leave Andy alone! He doesn't look that bad. My question is how is that hair (on his head and elsewhere) still dark for a guy in his 50s?

Posted by: just wondering | May 21, 2008 9:54 AM | Report abuse

Whether or not Chewie is being serious, those are pretty much my sentiments. Hairless men are non-sexual at best. Icky and childlike at worst. If I wanted smooth, I'd go for women. But I don't. I like my men manly.

That said, I concede the point that wet hairy men don't photograph well.

Posted by: CoHi | May 21, 2008 9:56 AM | Report abuse

In addition to confusing the two Jessicas (Biel and Alba), I also confuse Dylan McDermott with Dermott Mulroney.

Posted by: still | May 21, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

You MUST click on the Andy Garcia link to find out the alias he uses when he posts to Celebritology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 8:18 AM

I saw this picture last night & thought the exact same thing. I can't get all exclamation pointy over it though.

Posted by: jes | May 21, 2008 10:12 AM | Report abuse

I hear you, Still! Dermot Mulroney -- that's a guy who knows about boyzillians (check him out in "Longtime Companion"...).

Posted by: just wondering | May 21, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse

i don't know why i care, but i got a warm fuzzy reading that jessica and ca$h got married. who cares if it won't last? at least the baby gets a start with parents who are legally joined.

go, chewie, go!!! i loves me some hairy chested men! (nothing worse than a man with razor stubble on his chest. feh!)

Posted by: wats | May 21, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

For anyone wanting to get rid of unwanted back hair, LASER HAIR REMOVAL is the way to go!

Posted by: smoothoperator | May 21, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

Ah, don't rats carry disease?

Posted by: rat's milk????? | May 21, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

I don't dig the hairless guy thing either, it's a little too twink porn for me, but back hair just doesn't do it for me either, sorry Chewie, :-(.

And yet, the hubby has about 5 hairs on his chest, so the chest hair factor, or lack thereof, has never been a huge deciding factor in my actual relationships.

If I could wave a wand & give him a hairy chest I would, but since I can't I'll just hafta pine for the chests of Jon Bon Jovi & Jason Lee.

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 21, 2008 10:25 AM | Report abuse

After reading all this, I can't WAIT for Sasquatch to join this conversation. . . .

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 10:25 AM | Report abuse

Posted by: byoolin: She's obviously never tried to milk a rat. You need very tiny fingers.


Technology to the rescue - they use teeny, tiny automatic milking machines.

CoHi, I agree on the general ickiness of smooth men. Men should be a little crunchy, you know? Is it a generational thing? I came of age in the era of porn star mustaches and longer hair on guys.

Posted by: epony | May 21, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

I also like the quiet way that Jessica and Cash got married - compared to Tom and Katie first having a baby and then making a huge, flashy, wedding in Italy b/c (I think they said) they met there or got engaged there or something.

Maybe quiet weddings will be the new trend? Jenna Bush's seemed quiet in the sense that it way private and not princessy-showy. Oh, I forgot, Mariah is going for a $2 million event for a wedding that has already occured? I'm wrong on the new trend.

Posted by: Amelia | May 21, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

oh yuck back hair. it's one thing if you are furry and fabulous all over, but when you have a smattering on your chest and then a full grown forest on your back... ew ick i can't even think about it.
and does it seem odd to anyone else that paris wants a child? it's like she thinks babies are the latest fad and has no idea they grow up. it must be nice to be that dumb.

Posted by: melissamac1 | May 21, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

Nah, I'm 27 and I think hairy chests are smokin'. The back hair mayyyyyybe not as much. It's funny because if we were looking at a 50-year-old female celeb with that build, the conversation wouldn't be so forgiving. See: recent SJP convo.

Posted by: Sigh | May 21, 2008 10:49 AM | Report abuse

...and just try to imagine looking at a 50-year-old female celeb with that back hair.
:-)

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

"compared to Tom and Katie first having a baby and then making a huge, flashy, wedding" -- on that note, my wife and I were watching TV last night, and as we were changing channels we came across a celebrity-wedding show.

All we heard (before we continued scanning) were words to the effect of, "and fertility treatments are wreaking havoc on the bride's schedule."

It's a different world.

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Ok, I guess I'm in the minority, I like a clean shaven man, even the legs (contrary to my tag, I'm a chick) I used to compete in triathlons in my younger, lighter days and a lot of the men shaved all their body hair. I thought it was a little weird at first, but after dating a few of my fellow competitors, I changed my mind.

Posted by: jake e. poo | May 21, 2008 11:17 AM | Report abuse

Rat's milk? Why is Heather being so "species-ist". What's wrong with human milk? With all these celebs preggers, why don't we just take them to the milking parlor?
That's as far as I'm ataking this.....

Posted by: possum | May 21, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

There was a Simpsons episode where the school lunch milk was from rats.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

Woody Allen has become a real creep. He doesn't want Scarlett Johansson to attend his movie premier because her wedding announcement might upstage him. Does he honestly believe all these young starlets he puts in his movies are in love with him?

Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

Woody Allen has become a real creep. He doesn't want Scarlett Johansson to attend his movie premier because her wedding announcement might upstage him. Does he honestly believe all these young starlets he puts in his movies are in love with him?

Posted by: | May 21, 2008 11:41 AM

No, I think he passed "creep" stage when he went after (and got!) his wife's adopted and much younger daugther.

Posted by: WDC 21113 | May 21, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

I can see how Woody might feel the way he is alleged to be feeling - after all, every time Liz Kelly mentions ScarJo, Weingarten sends her a note asking to link to a picture. (Liz, can you show us an example?)


Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, and maybe ScarJo realized that while Mira Sorvino got an Oscar for working with Woody, her career went nowhere afterward.

Posted by: annie hall | May 21, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

The Ashlee/Pete prenup article fails to tell us the important details of who walks away with just the hoodie sweatshirt on his/her back vs. who gets to keep some dough.


Jake Gyylleennhhaall (how DO you spell his name?) is awfully pretty.

Posted by: new england | May 21, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

From the comments so far I think it's best not to click on the link to the Andy Garcia photo. I would like to keep him on my starting 5 wish list.

Congrats to Jessica and Cash, call me crazy but I feel they may have staying power.

"Mariah Carey planning third wedding celebration... " I wonder if she'll have as much fun Planning the parties for the end of this union. Not that they won't last and last and last.

Posted by: petal | May 21, 2008 11:54 AM | Report abuse

Ok, I guess I'm in the minority, I like a clean shaven man, even the legs (contrary to my tag, I'm a chick) I used to compete in triathlons in my younger, lighter days and a lot of the men shaved all their body hair. I thought it was a little weird at first, but after dating a few of my fellow competitors, I changed my mind.

Posted by: jake e. poo | May 21, 2008 11:17 AM

***************************

I'm with you, jake. e. poo with regards to triathletes. When I started dating Future Mr. PeachyGirl, he was a triathlete. I thought the smooth legs and arms were kind of weird, but quickly got used to it. When he joined the military and stopped shaving, it was hard to get used to (he's also Sasquatch-style hairy, though not on his back, so it was a big change).

Posted by: PeachyGirl | May 21, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Heather Mills is full o' *(not milk)*.... My vegan friends try not to consume ANY animal byproducts....

What did the rats ever do to her? Shun her, like all other intelligent creatures?

Posted by: b | May 21, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

My Beautiful Biker with Bulging Biceps shaves his arms, legs and chest - and franky I've grown to like it... he's very manly for sheezy but the shaving means there is nothing to distract me when I am ogling him...

Having said that, I have also dated furry before and back hair wouldn't bother me terribly as long as it was consistent (the patches freak me out)...

Posted by: Hairfree Bandwagon | May 21, 2008 12:10 PM | Report abuse

"compared to Tom and Katie first having a baby and then making a huge, flashy, wedding" -- on that note, my wife and I were watching TV last night, and as we were changing channels we came across a celebrity-wedding show.

All we heard (before we continued scanning) were words to the effect of, "and fertility treatments are wreaking havoc on the bride's schedule."

It's a different world.

Posted by: td | May 21, 2008 11:10 AM
******************************************
Reminds me of a line from "LA Law" back in the 1990's (or maybe even late 1980's):

"Victor and I sleep together. I'm going to have his baby. We might even get married."

Yeah, waaaaay different world out there these days.

Posted by: Arlington, VA | May 21, 2008 12:50 PM | Report abuse

Well, the Cyrus' house proves money can't buy taste.

Gawd, "Jude Law" and "Spears sex tape" ... excuse me while I go throw up.

Posted by: Californian | May 21, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

I'm with Chewie. I like men, not boys. Adult women going bald you know where and adult men going hairless ... Are we having an epidemic of pedophilia? I don't even WANT to know why men think it's sexy for grown women to have crotches like little girls.

Posted by: Real men | May 21, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

All it took was a viewing of "300" to convince me that I'm fond of the hairless look. In the words of Sex and the City, "You shouldn't be able to grab someone's back!" For the record, Mr. Musicgeek's back is smooth, and I like it that way.

Posted by: musicgeek | May 21, 2008 1:02 PM | Report abuse

Backs, okay, maybe some pruning if he's in Robin Williams territory, but chest/arm/leg/etc. hair ... manly.

Don't triathletes shave for the same reason as Olympic swimmers -- better times in the water -- and in case they bite it on the bike? Less chance for infection if the scraped-up area is hairless?

Posted by: Female former swimmer | May 21, 2008 1:08 PM | Report abuse

hairless = yes.
chewbacca = NO.
its just common grooming to be hairless everywhere for a guy.

Posted by: men men men | May 21, 2008 1:27 PM | Report abuse

"I'm with Chewie. I like men, not boys. Adult women going bald you know where and adult men going hairless ... Posted by: Real men | May 21, 2008 12:58 PM

I like my men real too and fortunately Mr. Plamar has a nice hairy chest that is not too animal-like. If I were married to Mr. Garcia, however, I would have to insist on some kind of man grooming.

Those crazy kids, Mariah and Nick with their multiple wedding celebrations- they're definitely going to be done within in a year.

And that wacko Heather Mills encouraging others to drink rat's milk- I suppose that explains a lot. You'd have to be completely insane to drink milk from vermin PLUS have the time to milk enough for human consumption from something so small.

Posted by: plamar1031 | May 21, 2008 1:28 PM | Report abuse

What's wrong with human milk? With all these celebs preggers, why don't we just take them to the milking parlor?
That's as far as I'm ataking this.....

Posted by: possum | May 21, 2008 11:22 AM

****************

Dibs on Halle & Jessica A.!

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 1:40 PM | Report abuse

"its just common grooming to be hairless everywhere for a guy."

I do not understand that sentence at all. Do you mean:

a) common grooming requires men to be completely hairless?
b) including top of his head and eyebrows?
c) including down below?
d) to be with a guy, you yourself must be (become) hairless?
e) none of the above?

I'm scared that I'm thinking about this so much. But I'm just so confused by that statement. . . .

Posted by: just a guy enjoying the hair god gave me | May 21, 2008 1:43 PM | Report abuse

Completely hairless men: the father of a friend of mine is. Fell into the ocean a few miles off the coast of Antarctica. Apparently it's a heck of a depilatory.

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

you should be hairless neck to knee. thats what i've always been told.

Posted by: for 1:43 | May 21, 2008 1:53 PM | Report abuse

Seriously, hairy chests are one thing, but that Cro-Magnon look Garcia's got going is another thing altogether. Too much.

But, on TMZ last night (yes, sorry) they were billing him as the hairiest man ever and I just thought to myself that they obviously hadn't seen pictures of Robin Williams. That guy is freakishly hairy!

Posted by: alex | May 21, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

I like my fur, I'm proud of my fur, and I laugh every winter at the hairless guys freezing in the cold.

Posted by: michael | May 21, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

This thread has Sasquatch all over it, where is he?

Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

"you should be hairless neck to knee. thats what i've always been told."

Posted by: for 1:43 | May 21, 2008 1:53 PM

--------------
By whom? A pale man with one sequined glove and a chimp? While I might consider a trim here and there, until I become a male model (unlikely, and even then), there's no way. I'm with michael on this one.

Posted by: just a guy. . . | May 21, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin, aka, luvlinsey, babbles:
"You MUST click on the Andy Garcia link to find out the alias he uses when he posts to Celebritology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

------------------------------------------
Not enough hair. Think GEICO cavemen, and you're closer.

Hey folks, it ain't easy being hairy, especially when you're going grey. You think I like my hair pattern. Even D.B.Cooper used to make fun of it when he lived next door. It just ain't the same neighborhood since D.B. left....and took all that cash with him.

And to all the lovely ladies who would grimace at the thought of being with a hairball such as me: no offense taken. Everyone has minimal standards. For example, I don't like looking at women who are smaller than 36 C.

Tell ya what, ladies who like their men smooth all over:
I can shave my chest and back. And you can get breast implants. Big ones.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 2:29 PM | Report abuse

and i agree with 1:34. i've always been told the neck to knee thing too. plus it also shows off definition which is a good thing, and makes certain, uh, parts look larger!

Posted by: i'm just a guy too | May 21, 2008 2:44 PM | Report abuse

"plus it also shows off definition which is a good thing, and makes certain, uh, parts look larger!"

Yeah, just what I need: to look like a man who's 14 months pregnant instead of just 8.

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 2:49 PM | Report abuse

I'm just a guy, too writes:

"and i agree with 1:34. i've always been told the neck to knee thing too. plus it also shows off definition which is a good thing, and makes certain, uh, parts look larger!"
-----------------------------------------

Well, guy, when you're the silverback of the neighborhood, you don't need to enhance the look of your definition.

And when certain parts are already sized XL, you don't need to make them look any larger.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, well, I guess *looking* larger is okay if all you're going to do is *look*.

And that'll be my last contribution to Celebritology's PG rating today.


Posted by: epony | May 21, 2008 2:53 PM | Report abuse

epony observes:

"Yeah, well, I guess *looking* larger is okay if all you're going to do is *look*."

Why do you think some men have all those spare pairs of socks?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 2:59 PM | Report abuse

Men Men men writes:

"hairless = yes.
chewbacca = NO.
its just common grooming to be hairless everywhere for a guy."

-------------------------------------------

Men Men Men, did you mistype a "u" instead of an "a" in the last word of your message?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 3:01 PM | Report abuse

andy garcia is all KINDS of gross!
http://lifeisacookie.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/so-not-bringing-sexy-back/

Posted by: Thecookie | May 21, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

I don't like looking at women who are smaller than 36 C.

Tell ya what, ladies who like their men smooth all over:
I can shave my chest and back. And you can get breast implants. Big ones.


Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 2:29 PM

Start shaving Sas, unless they HAVE to be implants...

Posted by: jes | May 21, 2008 3:52 PM | Report abuse

jes writes:

"Start shaving Sas, unless they HAVE to be implants..."

---------------------------------------
I prefer au naturel.

Posted by: Sasquatch, lathering up | May 21, 2008 3:55 PM | Report abuse

Before anyone thinks I'm a devotee of the hairless, Sas need not shave his chest or get a boyzilian. Hairy backs are definitely not my thing though.

Posted by: jes | May 21, 2008 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Someone taking the name of the blog TheCookie writes:

"andy garcia is all KINDS of gross!"

------------------------------------------
Amy? Amy Winehouse, is that you?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 3:57 PM | Report abuse

I think I may have over-shared.

Posted by: jes is blushing | May 21, 2008 3:57 PM | Report abuse

In the words of Moe Syzlak, "I vote for the chick with the rack, there."

Posted by: byoolin | May 21, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

i'm telling you guys - neck to knee is the way to be. your wife, gf, life partner, etc., will thank you for it.

Posted by: men men men | May 21, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for limiting my shaving area, jes.

Now here's the $64K question for y'uns who prefer your men to be hairless: What is your aesthetic opinion of male baldness?

Seems to me that you'd all be in favor of bald men, right? Or am I assuming too much in thinking that you would be consistent?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

men men men writes:
"i'm telling you guys - neck to knee is the way to be. your wife, gf, life partner, etc., will thank you for it."

------------------------------------------
Talk to Ms. Snatchquatch. You'll hear a different opinion.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Why do I get the feeling that men men men runs a grooming salon?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 4:05 PM | Report abuse

men men men, from my own personal experience the women folk dig the fur (at least on the chest). And having a girl run her hands through your chest hair may be one of the best feelings in the world.

Posted by: so not leaving my name on this one | May 21, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

i'm telling you guys - neck to knee is the way to be. your wife, gf, life partner, etc., will thank you for it.

Posted by: men men men | May 21, 2008 3:59 PM

I for one would not thank mr. jes for this. Also, I would like to know what you look like in shorts if you're going hairless from neck to knee?

Posted by: jes | May 21, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

jes tells men men men:

"I for one would not thank mr. jes for this. Also, I would like to know what you look like in shorts if you're going hairless from neck to knee?"

-------------------------------------------

Hmmm, jes, I think you might have identified something kinky. Normally, men who shave down (triathletes, cyclists) include their lower legs and feet.

I wonder if men men men has some sort of hairy foot fetish?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 4:20 PM | Report abuse

I see a run on wax at the Rite-Aid.
All these vats of wax are making me think of sheep dipping.
That's all we need on a Wednesday...nervous sheep!

Posted by: possum | May 21, 2008 4:39 PM | Report abuse

"having a girl run her hands through your chest hair may be one of the best feelings in the world."

Posted by: so not leaving my name on this one | May 21, 2008 4:07 PM

-------------
michael, is that you?!

Posted by: just a guy. . . | May 21, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

Possum writes:

"That's all we need on a Wednesday...nervous sheep!"
-------------------------------------------
I imagine that my sheepherder friends in Montana will be going without tonight.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

sasquatch - perhaps luvlinsey would appreciate it...

Posted by: DC | May 21, 2008 4:47 PM | Report abuse

Sas needs to drop the shaver. Doesn't he have a wife?

Posted by: anon | May 21, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

I'm so glad my boss leaves at 5!

Posted by: cuzimlaughingaloud | May 21, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

I'm so glad my boss leaves at 5!

Posted by: cuzimlaughingaloud | May 21, 2008 5:07 PM | Report abuse

Amy, put down those mice and go to your 12-step meeting.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 5:08 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch--don't prefer the bald guys, but there are a lot of handsome ones out there. Especially like the totally bald look rather than the straggly, thinning look. Think how sexy Montel Williams, Vin Diesel, Avery Brooks, Jason Taylor, Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Yul Brenner (harkening back to the dead guy thread), and even Howie Mandel look with their bald pates. (And they can have chest hair aplenty, just no excessive back hair!)

Posted by: totally anon | May 21, 2008 5:24 PM | Report abuse

Okay. Thank you.

I don't feel so much like LiLo, Andy Garcia, or some other object of ridicule anymore. As an ugly, hairy simian, it's tough enough to keep myself barely presentable, much less presentable bare.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 21, 2008 5:39 PM | Report abuse

Awww. Sas is feeling vulnerable today. No one mention big feet, OK?

Posted by: doc is in | May 21, 2008 5:48 PM | Report abuse

byoolin:

Stop with the image-crushing images! You look 8 months pregnant? NO WAY. This is as bad news as your being stuck in a cube(and not on the comedy club rounds)!

Get back to making fun of celebrities...

Posted by: Amelia | May 21, 2008 6:39 PM | Report abuse

Too true, Amelia. I'll just have visions of that pregnant guy, Thomas Beatie, sitting in a cube whenever I think of byoolin now. It's just too horrible.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 21, 2008 8:04 PM | Report abuse

As a longtime lurker and first-time poster I must say that after BKD, this "Andy Garcia/merits of male hirsuteness" thread has been as enlightening as it has entertaining. Although I must profess some sympathy for poor Sasq.~ to whom I've just one thing to say:
"Ch-ch-ch-chia!"

Posted by: Anonymous | May 22, 2008 1:37 AM | Report abuse

Yo, carm down, girlies. Of course I was kidding when I said I looked 8 months pregnant.

I am *obviously* handsome, hot, buff, and either hairy or hairless. I am The Man You Have Always Wanted.

Posted by: byoolin aims to please. | May 22, 2008 8:57 AM | Report abuse

Thank you, byoolin. My world order is restored now.

(But who said we were girls?)

Posted by: forever anon | May 22, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse

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