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Posted at 7:50 AM ET, 05/ 2/2008

Morning Mix: Report -- Mariah Carey Marries Nick Cannon

By Liz Kelly
Friday

Headlines: Barbara Walters opens up about affair with Republican senator... No couch jumping for Tom Cruise on this visit to Oprah... Miley Cyrus to skip Disney red carpet event... Jennifer Love Hewitt and Patrick Dempsey named TV's sexiest stars... "American Pie's" Jason Biggs marries... Benji Madden calls girlfriend Paris Hilton "wife material"... Renee Zellweger producing breast cancer movie for Lifetime... John Mayer reveals new sleeve tattoo... Nicole Kidman to play Dusty Springfield in upcoming biopic... Peter Fonda flips the bird at paparazzi... Gary Coleman appears on "Divorce Court"... Hot diggity! Pam Anderson's unwanted fishing equipment up for auction... Usher says he'd never sell photos of his baby... Robert De Niro launching line of Japanese-themed hotels... Alan Cumming says media to blame for inhibiting gay actors.

Crime Watch: Uma Thurman says alleged stalker sent her drawing of an open grave... Dennis Rodman arrested for hitting woman at L.A. hotel.

Rumor Mill: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon reportedly marry in Bahamas... Did Cannon give Carey his ex's ring?... Britney Spears ran through $61 million in one year... Lindsay Lohan to guest star in "Ugly Betty" season finale... NBA star Dwyane Wade says he and Star Jones are just friends... John Mayer sent Jennifer Aniston fresh flowers every day.

By Liz Kelly  | May 2, 2008; 7:50 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: 'Lost' Dueling Analysis: Something Nice Back Home

Comments

I am kicking myself for not setting up the TiVo for Divorce Court or the Tom Cruise interview. Hopefully "The Soup" will cover it.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | May 2, 2008 8:20 AM | Report abuse

I wonder how high the bidding will go for Pam Anderson's bobbers.

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:24 AM | Report abuse

Miley Cyrus to skip Disney red carpet event... apparently she had nothing to wear...

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:24 AM | Report abuse

Baba Wawa, please stop talking about your sex life. (It conjures up all sorts of unpleasant images involving you and Larry King.)

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:28 AM | Report abuse

Uma's stalker "sent her a card with a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade.... The card also contained random words.... "chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing," and the sentence, "My hands should be on your body at all times." It contained a "picture of a bride with her head torn off."

Stalker's lawyer: Uma's reaction to all this - terror - is "unreasonable."

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:37 AM | Report abuse

Patrick Dempsey the hottest actor on TV? Don't those folks watch Lost?

The combined hotness of the men on Lost, Hurley INCLUDED, would melt McDreamy into a tiny puddle of goo.

Sorry, still on a Lost rush from last nite.

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 2, 2008 8:39 AM | Report abuse

Take Hurley out of the mix and I'll consider it, Bored@work

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 8:43 AM | Report abuse

Rock on, Peter Fonda! Great pic, and love TMZ's response of "XOXO Easy Rider!" But according to their site, Jane Fonda dropped the C-bomb on the Today show? Really? It links to a post in February of this year - did I miss this? Not that it's really Celebritology-worthy news, but if it's true I love that she said it on one of those vapid morning shows.

Posted by: rachelt | May 2, 2008 8:46 AM | Report abuse

Benji, pal: Paris Hilton is not wife material - she's chum material. (In the 'what you throw in the water to attract sharks' sense of the word.)

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:46 AM | Report abuse

jennifer love hewitt? seriously?

Posted by: m | May 2, 2008 8:49 AM | Report abuse

Rachelt: Jane's vagina monologue made the Feb 15 Celebritology...
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/02/morning_mix_bail_ling_busted_f.html

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:51 AM | Report abuse

Aww methinks, don't ya think Hurley is sexy in that Belushi-teddy bear kinda way? I know Dempsey is into cougars & all that but I think I'd rather go on a date with Hugo than with McDreamy.

I'm just anxious for the Lost posting & postponing any actual work for the day.

Oh well, I'm off to see if Doc Jensen has put up his column yet!!

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 2, 2008 8:54 AM | Report abuse

I thought America Ferrera already had that role. Replacing her with Lindsey Lohan could be a little awkward.

Oh? GUEST-star.

Nevermind.

Posted by: yellojkt | May 2, 2008 8:55 AM | Report abuse

ACK! NO DOC JENSEN YET!!

**desperately searches for the one other co-worke that watches Lost for some serious discussion**

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 2, 2008 8:58 AM | Report abuse

Nice, methinks. Why don't you just take your sizist comments about Hurley over to the Gene Pool and and call him a fat beauty queen? It's people like you that cause little boys all over America to holds themselves to unreasonable Lost-influenced beauty standards. I'm appalled. :)

Posted by: Wait a minute... | May 2, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

I'm open to teddy bear types but no, I'm afraid I don't find Hurley physically attractive at all. He has a great personality though, and I bet he sews his own clothes.
I don't like Patrick Dempsey's character on Grey's (don't like Grey's at all) but I thought he was pretty adorable in 'Enchanted.'

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 9:00 AM | Report abuse

whatev

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 9:02 AM | Report abuse

I'm thinking that the John Mayer tattoo is yet another Ashton Kutcher paparazzi set-up. Which may lead us to a new Celebritology comments-area game "Spot the Fake Story". Like Liz said in yesterday's chat: every story is now somewhat suspect because of Mr. Demi Moore (or words to that effect).

Posted by: VoR | May 2, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Why would you think John Mayer's sleeve tattoo is fake? Has he said in the past that he's anti-tatt?

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 9:06 AM | Report abuse

At two points this morning I almost spit out my tea. The first was Paris Hilton as wife material. WTF is Benji on? The second time was at the thought of D-Wade and Star, I may be ill.

Granted Patrick Dempsey is nice but seriously we've got the guys on The Game and Naveen who put him to shame. Oh and McSteamy is a whole lotta sexy.

So Nick Cannon may have finally gotten a woman down the aisle. Good for him. I give it three weeks or three days depending on the status of the ring.

Posted by: petal | May 2, 2008 9:09 AM | Report abuse

Miley Cyrus to skip Disney red carpet event... apparently she had nothing to wear...

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:24 AM

Heh Heh - good one byoolin!

Yeah, you know, having some nutter follow you around, send you scary drawings, send email to you family members about your children being an "illusion," show up at your house, etc., etc. that's nothing to get so upset about. Uma MUST be paranoid...

"WTF is Benji on?" Posted by: petal | May 2, 2008 9:09 AM
I think that is the question AND the answer, don't you?

Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2008 9:16 AM | Report abuse

Ok, I've never seen Grey's Anatomy, but in Enchanted I thought Patrick Dempsey was wildly unattractive. When they introduced him, I was like, oh wow, this is leading up to some giant plot twist, because there's just no way they could possibly be planning for her to end up with him. Seriously. I was impressed at Disney's willingness to shake up the princess movie genre. (So imagine my surprise at the ending.)

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

that was me at 9:16 - had a weird computer thing

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

i think the brit 61 mil figure is bogus - my take from the article is that 50m of that is the 'estimated loss from not touring' - which may well be true but it does distort that number rather a lot (not that blowing 11m in a year isnt impressive).

as for miley... my first thought was 'Miley Cyrus' and 'red carpet' are two things i really dont want to see in one sentence after last week's photo spread...

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | May 2, 2008 9:23 AM | Report abuse

I had the same reaction to Disney's decision to make fun of the genre they practically created, h3. And as I said, I'm not a Dempsey fan. There was something appealing about him in that movie, but it might have been because I just liked the story. I saw Dempsey last night on Grey's when I was flipping through the channels and I had my usual response...ugh.

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 9:23 AM | Report abuse

Some of you are just late to the game -- anyone ever see "Can't Buy Me Love" in the 80's?

Oh, I don't watch Grey's either...

Posted by: WDC 21113 | May 2, 2008 9:27 AM | Report abuse

lol - thanks byoolin. It's so hard to keep my celebrity drivel straight. :)

Posted by: rachelt | May 2, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

Note to self: never date Babwa Wawa, 'cause she'll just go on "Oprah" a few decades later and bwab about it for personal gain.

And had they known back in the day that Babwa was down with the swirl, wonder what Gilda and Garrett would have come up with?

Posted by: Chico Escuela | May 2, 2008 9:32 AM | Report abuse

OK, what's with the years-old confessions? Cher and Tom Cruise, Barbara and the Senator? Ladies, SHUT UP!

As a red-blooded American man, I gotta say that Jennifer Love Hewitt isn't even on the same planet with sexy. Vanessa Williams on the other hand. . . . (at least that's the name I THINK I saw before my pop-up blocker kicked in).

Posted by: td | May 2, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

OK, I need to add "down with the swirl" to the lexicon. Can someone explain without pointing me to UrbanDictionary.com (also blocked here at my place of work)?

Posted by: td, raising hand tentatively | May 2, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Uma's stalker "sent her a card with a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade.... The card also contained random words.... "chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing," and the sentence, "My hands should be on your body at all times." It contained a "picture of a bride with her head torn off."

Stalker's lawyer: Uma's reaction to all this - terror - is "unreasonable."

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 8:37 AM

Are you sure these aren't excerpts from Tom Cruise's interview with Oprah on the subject of his prenup with Katie?

Posted by: M Street | May 2, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Dempsey in days gone by was hotter than he is now.

Oh I wouldn't toss him outta bed if he just happened to fall into it by some weird Lost-esque co-inky dink, I just think Jorge Garcia would be a hell of a lot more fun on all fronts than Dempsey.

Plus hasn't Dempsey admitted to botox or something along those lines? Too vain for me (says the woman that has Jon Bon Jovi as #1 on her "list"). I don't wanna be competing with mirror space in the morning.

Hurley is a wash & wear kinda dude.

Speaking of my list, I'd like to officially announce that Jason Lee has now been demoted to #3 because of his commitment issues & having 2 baby mamas in less than 4 years, & been replaced by Roger Clyne who's defintely hotter than Dempsey & a few of the men of Lost & way more talented vocally & lyrically than any of them.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/64282703@N00/2194750258/in/set-72157603720272672/

He used to be in The Replacements, now in Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers.

http://azpeacemakers.com/


Posted by: Bored @ work | May 2, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

All right, I know it's old news by now, but it's Friday and I want to share a laugh with you all. Here's an excerpt from Wednesday's morning mix (with my response below):


***********
So, a group of obnoxious, overly educated, too much time on their hands losers complains endlessly about a group of obnoxious, supposedly under educated, too much time on their hands losers? Remarkable.

The comments on this blog reflect such a closed, insecure little group of cultists -- congratulations!

I suspect very few of you actually have kids. Otherwise, many of these comments wouldn't be made or tolerated (given their stupidity).

Posted by: Pot Meet Kettle | May 1, 2008 5:07 PM

Carm down, fatty.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | May 1, 2008 8:12 PM

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | May 2, 2008 9:55 AM | Report abuse

-Divorce Countdown begins for Mariah and Nick.

-Benji may think Paris is "wife-material" but Benji does not have enough money or fame to be "husband-material" for Paris.

Posted by: Lisa1 | May 2, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Aw, man, I got the giggles again and I'm about to head into three hours of conference calls too. Darn you, RCR! Carm down! Hee hee....

Posted by: td, looking for mute button on phone | May 2, 2008 10:01 AM | Report abuse

Aren't some men attracted to Jennifer Love Hewitt's *ahem* shoes?

Posted by: jes | May 2, 2008 10:02 AM | Report abuse

"OK, I need to add "down with the swirl" to the lexicon. Can someone explain without pointing me to UrbanDictionary.com (also blocked here at my place of work)?"

You know, like a vanilla/chocolate ice cream cone swirl.

Posted by: jelo | May 2, 2008 10:03 AM | Report abuse

Excellent response RCR!

So we are "a closed, insecure little group of cultists" - I sometimes wondered what it would be like to be in a cult...it's hilarious, thanks be to that platictaed, pornofic Booby Kennedy whatev that allows us to snark!

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 10:07 AM | Report abuse

When I heard about the possible Mariah Carey Nick Cannon wedding yesterday the reporter on the radio mentioned it took place w/out benefit of a prenup.

Posted by: jes | May 2, 2008 10:08 AM | Report abuse

While, as it was said early, if Jennifer Love Hewitt were to fall into my bed through some "weird Lost-esque co-inky dink" i wouldn't be opposed to it; between Ms. Hewitt today and Kate Hudson yesterday I am starting to think there was a horrible bus crash involving Scarlett Johansen, Charlize Theron, and others that left us with only those two as being the last sexy women in Hollywood.

Posted by: michael | May 2, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

Maybe it is time to start a contest on the timing of various Benjilton events:

-Birth of love child
-(Solomons) Island wedding
-Tabloid speculation on strains in the marriage
-Divorce filing
-Custody dispute over toy dogs
-Critically acclaimed album of pain fueled Good Charlotte lyrics
-Benji shouts from the mountaintop about his love for ___.
-Paris creates a reality show to find her new love, only to find out it is ____.

Posted by: 44west | May 2, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

RiverCityRoller,

Excellent use of carm down fatty in your response. That one will never get old.

Posted by: petal | May 2, 2008 10:15 AM | Report abuse

OK, so out of curiosity, I looked up "down with the swirl" in the urban dictionary and here is what it said:

when a white person likes black ppl or the other way around (sexually of course).
That wigger is down with the swirl.

Right, so then I had to look up "wigger" in order to understand the example and among other similar definitions, here is what it said - I felt that the example conversation was especially enlightening given the past couple of days:

6. wigger
A White Kid pretending to act like hes Black, s/he has appalling spelling and grammar skills and usually finds it hard to speak proper english.
Wigger: Whaddit be up 'omie

Normal Person: What?

Wigger: Yo Nigga Be it up to My omiez down frum da westside of da bronx Brutha Know whaddym Sayin

Normal Person: Learn to speak english

Wigger: whaddu yooz talkin bout niggah, diz iz inglish innit?

Normal Person: No, Thats oompaloompaish or whatever foreign language you speak

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

Actually, Pot Meet Kettle makes a really good point (the first part at least).

And RCR's self-satisfied re-post consisting solely of what is growing into a tired pony-esque catch-phrase doesn't really counter the argument. And, may I re-emphasize, YOU RE-POSTED IT ?!?!?!? That's like a five year old who didn't get the appropriate response to his/her stupid playground antics, so s/he walks over to the bench where all the parents are sitting and tries to replay his/her witty little skit for a new audience. Really, what grown-up does that? Are you that starved for peer recognition?

Not to get all Haxian, but, Wow.

Posted by: Unh-uh. | May 2, 2008 10:21 AM | Report abuse

I like our insecure little cult, thank you very much.

Posted by: michael | May 2, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

For all the Lost fans, DOC JENSEN'S COLUMN IS UP!!

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 2, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

Heh - RCR, I saw that comment and thought about posting exactly the same response.

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

And the Pot/Kettle poster had it wrong, anyway - we weren't *complaining* about the ungrammatical comments. (Or I wasn't, anyway.) We were *mocking* them. The more texting tweeners, the merrier! Bring it on!

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

Hey, Unh-uh, im RCRs no. 1 fan aldways have bin aldwsys will b People that do that get enbarrest but RCR i still luv you yes i am a boy but i dont mean as in (l)Who ever took it an RCR if you are hear to read this then just say so give me your addy and i will tell you summot.......
IF YOU ALSO AGREE WID ME GIVE ME YOUR ADDY??????!!!!!!!!

Posted by: RCRs #1 fan aldways has bin aldways will do byoolin | May 2, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

I just heard on the radio (so it must be true) that if you check a celebrity website or blog more than 3 times a day you are probably addicted to celebrity gossip.

Posted by: still is an addict | May 2, 2008 10:34 AM | Report abuse

Actually, . . .

And . . .

Not to get all . . ., but, Wow.

Posted by: Unh-uh. | May 2, 2008 10:21 AM
=========================================

"If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter."

Posted by: Principal McGee | May 2, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

jelo and sunnydaze, thanks much for defining swirl. Word!

I must use "that wigger is down with the swirl" in conversation today.

Posted by: td, part of the cult of carm | May 2, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

I don't know about you guys, but I think I'm addicted to celebritology comment threads. Is there rehab for that? Can we all go together?

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

In response to Unh-uh's 5 yr old analogy, let me just say that while good grammar is a priority over here at Celebritology, maturity is not. So there.

Posted by: still | May 2, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

Unh-uh is the pouty kid on the playground who complains "I'm going to take my ball and go home!"

Lighten up. It's a fluffy celebrity-centered blog.

Posted by: Wow | May 2, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

as for miley... my first thought was 'Miley Cyrus' and 'red carpet' are two things i really dont want to see in one sentence after last week's photo spread...

Posted by: Quintilus Varus | May 2, 2008 9:23 AM

Once again, people are confusing Miley with Lindsey Lohan. I'm sure Miley has a blonde merkin for when she is doing Hannah Montana red carpet limo exits ala Britney or Paris.

Posted by: yellojkt | May 2, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

Love Peter Fonda. Rock on baby!

What IS it with Patrick Dempsey? I cannot be the only straight woman who finds him decidedly unattractive. What am I missing? Give me, oh, Benjamin Bratt or Aidan Quinn or Russell Simmons any day.

Mmmmm, now I have some day-dreaming to do....

Posted by: jaybbub | May 2, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

OK, next year when Liz and byoolin attend the correspondents' dinner with the helmet-cam, we're all meeting in an undisclosed location to watch the video feed wearing t-shirts with our comment aliases on the front, "Yo fatty, carm down" on the back, and masks with Liz's face on them. No one under 25 allowed in without proper ID and an AP style manual. Who's in?

Posted by: td | May 2, 2008 10:47 AM | Report abuse

Note to self: Drink then read, do not attempt to do both simultaneoulsy.

Posted by: michael | May 2, 2008 10:51 AM | Report abuse

td, I am SO in! I'll bring a thermos full of vodka martini just to add to the fun.

I want my T-shirt NOW! Liz Kelly, Liz Kelly, can we get T-shirts? Huh? Huh?

Posted by: sunnydaze does her 5 yr old impression | May 2, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

Oh, td, I am so in. Even if I'd prefer a different style guide. Maybe I'll bring my Fowler's.

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

I hereby submit that people wearing "t-shirts with our comment aliases on the front, "Yo fatty, carm down" on the back, and masks with Liz's face on them" aren't going to find anything of use in any style manual yet conceived.

That said, I am *so* in.

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Is Peter Fonda wearing PENNY LOAFERS?!?!?

Posted by: Uneasy Rider | May 2, 2008 10:59 AM | Report abuse

Oh, yeah, I'll probably bring my well-worn copy of "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White, if that's OK.

And I disagree, people dressed that way are EXACTLY the folks who NEED a style manual.

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Dang, I gotta not sleep in until noon, if I want to get in any decent comments before Byoolin.

I like our cult. No dying for our leader Liz and there is the promise of a pony someday. Plus we don't have to dress like Katie.

Posted by: ep | May 2, 2008 11:09 AM | Report abuse

Oh, Byoolin, I beg to differ. Let me share with you, as an example, Fowler's entry on "cult":

--Cult, as now used, dates only from the middle of last [18th] century; its proper place is in books on archaeology, comparative religion, and the like. Its unsuccessful attempt to oust "worship" in general use has left it with a suggestion of something new-fangled or cranky.--

I don't know about new-fangled, but we're pretty cranky.

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Oh yeah, style guide. I am NOT bringing the Bluebook. In 21 more days I never have to see that thing again.

Posted by: ep | May 2, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

I just heard on the radio (so it must be true) that if you check a celebrity website or blog more than 3 times a day you are probably addicted to celebrity gossip.


Posted by: still is an addict | May 2, 2008 10:34 AM
____________________

Well, here is the thing...I would say without hesitation that I am addicted to this blog, but it's the regular posters, not really the celebrity gossip that keep me coming back. It's the usually witty, often intelligent and thoughtful take on the gossip that is interesting, not the gossip itself. (OK, OK, AND the things like "carm down" that make me giggle for days) For instance, I would not go get celebrity gossip from Perez Hilton, or US weekly or anywhere else is this blog was down for some reason because those sites do not have the same kinds of regular posters that this one has. So, I think the study may be flawed somewhat.

Posted by: sunnydaze addicted to ya'll, not to celebrity gossip | May 2, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

Oh, ep, I hate to disappoint, but I suggest that you DO NOT set your Bluebook on fire, or otherwise dispose of it in a violent manner. You may be surprised how often you really do use that behemoth in daily practice.

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 11:16 AM | Report abuse

I'm all in. Size XL t-shirt, please.

Posted by: jaybbub | May 2, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

1)I've just learned I am apparently an addict.

2)I'm checking t-shirt print costs today.

3)Another example of Celebritology being useful. Michael brings up a good point with the note to self. I've got to remember that in the future.

Posted by: petal | May 2, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

...You may be surprised how often you really do use that behemoth [Bluebook] in daily practice.

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 11:16 AM

*****

For example:
- coaster
- doorstop
- leveller for projector or desk/table/chair
- bullet-/knife-proof shield
- help granny see over dashboard of the SUV
- substitute for missing "How To Put Your Budgie Down" book
- smuggling contraband concealed within cut-out pages
- garlic press

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

While "down with the swirl" is just fine, I would not suggest using the term "wigger" in ANY set of circumstances, as it is considered to be pretty offensive.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

No, byoolin, it's a spiral bound paperback about one inch thick - at least it was in my day - and would not press garlic, hold much contriband, help Granny or stop a bullet or knife. However, I have used mine for everything else on the list except substitute for missing "How To Put Your Budgie Down" book, which I don't actually understand. It is also very good for tossing across the room to squash a spider.

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Patrick Dempsey? Really? He's okay, but how about Eric Dane, almost all of the guys from Lost (except Locke and Ben), the guy who plays Justin on Brothers & Sisters, Taye Diggs...I could go on and on...

Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2008 11:32 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin, your command of languages is, like, impressive.

Pam Anderson's dispersal sale includes linens and bedding. How much hot water and Clorox would it take to render her sheets safe for outsiders?

Posted by: epony | May 2, 2008 11:33 AM | Report abuse

MRS. P.: I've been reading this giant book about how to put your budgie down.

MRS. C.: Why? Is it not well?

MRS. P.: No, we just don't like it very much. Anyway, the book says you can just hit it there [GESTURES] between the eyes, or drop the book on it.

Posted by: Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion. | October 31, 2007 1:46 PM

Posted by: Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion return. | May 2, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

Speaking of t-shirts (I'm in by the way, xxl, I like 'em roomy) has anyone noticed on the CNN.com website they have where you can order a t-shirt with whatever the headline is?

I want mine to say "Pornorific" right across my ample...shoes.

Posted by: jake e. poo | May 2, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

"How To Put Your Budgie Down" and other great works of literature:

http://www.slatermethuen.co.uk/botm/

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Just finished Doc Jensen's column, good stuff there.

"Hello, I'm Bored @ work, & I'm a Celebritoloholic."

Posted by: Bored @ work | May 2, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

"I just spent four hours buryin' the cat!"

"Four hours to bury the cat?!?"

"Yes, he wouldn't keep still. Wrigglin' about, howlin'..."

"Oh, he's not dead then?"

"No, no, but as we're going away for a fortnight, I thought I'd better bury him just to be on the safe side."

"Right, right. Don't want to come home from Sorento to a dead cat."

*tips hat to fellow Pythoners*

Posted by: jaybbub | May 2, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

Ah, yes, the Bluebook is also not appropriate for putting a budgie down either - not heavy enough, but it will work for spiders.

Posted by: sunnydaze | May 2, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

It's starting to sound more and more like this Bluebook thing is just a huge ripoff.

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 11:50 AM | Report abuse

Not ever having used the Bluebook, I decided to check up on it on Amazon. The beginning of this review really sold me on the book:

"Out of the anals of human history..."

Posted by: michael | May 2, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

XXL and I'm bringing the Chicago manual, just to add variety. We can have a book-off.

Posted by: 23112 | May 2, 2008 12:02 PM | Report abuse

No, byoolin, the Bluebook is well worth the money (and it makes a lovely gift). It's the three years of law school that you're required to pay for along with the Bluebook that are the ripoff.

Posted by: Wikijen | May 2, 2008 12:05 PM | Report abuse

td, I'd fly in from Memphis for that! Can I wear Elvis shades?

Posted by: b | May 2, 2008 12:08 PM | Report abuse

jaybub,
my fav is

"And now we have a man who claims his cat can fly across the room and land in a glass of water.

"Tell me sir, does she do this on her own?

"Now, I fling her! (followed by screechy winding-up cat sounds that I am unable to find a decent combination of letters to replicate)"

Posted by: b | May 2, 2008 12:11 PM | Report abuse

Mad props to my No. 1 Fan. :)

I'll even get over my hatred of driving in NoVa to come.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | May 2, 2008 12:17 PM | Report abuse

Bored @ work, you might add that Jason Lee is a Scientologist. That is a negative in my book.

Posted by: Jo | May 2, 2008 12:17 PM | Report abuse

Aw, man... I wanna come to the correspondents' dinner watching party... but I'd just sit and giggle uncontrollably, and not contribute anything of value. Much like I do on a daily basis, right here. I make a mean guacamole, though. No cilantro, but just enough heat.

Posted by: CoHi | May 2, 2008 12:24 PM | Report abuse

I'm in, too.
Strunk & White all the way.
You guys are the best fellow elitist Celebritologist cult members ever.

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 12:29 PM | Report abuse

I think I meant to say "Celebritology cult members" but I was gently weeping as I wrote that.

Posted by: methink | May 2, 2008 12:31 PM | Report abuse

Don't know if this train of thought has been explored, but if, as Byoolin suspects, Pamela Anderson is putting her fishing booobers on the market (Shouldn't she have done so on Booby Kennedy Day?), and Paris Hilton is more chum than wife material, would Gary Coleman go bottom fishing for a new woman using Pamela Anderson's boobers baited with Paris Hilton chum?

The mind reels at the implications!

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

good Lord! I misspelled my own handle. *sniff* *sniff*

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 12:32 PM | Report abuse

I smell ya, b! That's some good stuff right there.

Posted by: jaybbub | May 2, 2008 12:38 PM | Report abuse

"Would Gary Coleman go bottom fishing for a new woman using Pamela Anderson's boobers baited with Paris Hilton chum?"

First he'd have to become an expert at getting that chum on the line. But he wouldn't be the first fisherman to have to master bait.

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 12:40 PM | Report abuse

"Unh-uh is the pouty kid on the playground who complains "I'm going to take my ball and go home!"

-----------------------------------------

LANCE ARMSTRONG! Thanks for making an appearance on Celebritology!! Come back soon!

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Bluebook AND Chicago! Count me in!

Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

There's a SMOKIN' HOT new trainer on the Bravo show "Work Out." (The show covers this silly junior-high-type drama surrounding these personal trainers that work for this serious type A personality gym owner.)

The new trainer is soo hot, I need to keep a fire extinguisher handy when I watch the tivo'd episodes. He has some serious muscles, and his eyes! (Naturally, he takes his shirt off a lot! -- really, watch one episode with this guy. mm mm good!)

Posted by: Married with kids | May 2, 2008 12:42 PM | Report abuse

ep, do not throw away your bluebooks. If you did, what would the dog have to eat?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:43 PM | Report abuse

Unh-uh is the pouty kid on the playground who complains "I'm going to take my ball and go home!"

Lighten up. It's a fluffy celebrity-centered blog.

Posted by: Wow | May 2, 2008 10:40 AM

Another Lance Armstrong joke, please?

Posted by: other liz | May 2, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin makes the following fisherman-based observation about Gary Coleman:

"But he wouldn't be the first fisherman to have to master bait."

-------------------------------------------
And he wouldn't be the first fisherman to accidentally catch crabs. (Cue Bonjovie for Deadliest Catch theme)

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:46 PM | Report abuse

Other Liz, see my 12:42 posting. Your unstated wish is my command!

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:47 PM | Report abuse

CoHi, guacamole is just as good as a style manual. Possibly better, because you can't dip chips in a style manual. Or actually maybe you can. I've never tried.

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 12:48 PM | Report abuse

Down with the swirl?!!?!?

If those Wiggahs start swirlin' round me, I'll get 'em down with the swirl in the old fashioned way:

With an American Standard Swirlie.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:51 PM | Report abuse

I guess I should dig out my Turabian book for the party.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | May 2, 2008 12:54 PM | Report abuse

"1001 Turabian Cites"? Loved it.

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 12:57 PM | Report abuse

After seeing Peter Fonda's elegant gesture, I regard the conversation here is mere prattle by cattle.

Moooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

Well, here is the thing...I would say without hesitation that I am addicted to this blog, but it's the regular posters, not really the celebrity gossip that keep me coming back. It's the usually witty, often intelligent and thoughtful take on the gossip that is interesting, not the gossip itself. (OK, OK, AND the things like "carm down" that make me giggle for days) For instance, I would not go get celebrity gossip from Perez Hilton, or US weekly or anywhere else is this blog was down for some reason because those sites do not have the same kinds of regular posters that this one has. So, I think the study may be flawed somewhat.

Posted by: sunnydaze addicted to ya'll, not to celebrity gossip | May 2, 2008 11:13 AM

Yeah, I'm there, too. I don't even know half the people that are gossiped about. I only watch the CBS Monday night 8 - 9:30 line up and Biggest Loser, the rest is cable "design" shows, hockey play-offs (unless the Rangers can't win again), baseball, and a little crime now and then.

Posted by: WDC 21113 | May 2, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

Unh-uh said pony *hee hee*

I would also like to wear a t-shirt & Liz Kelly mask. Having no style guide to contribute may I say I make some truly excellent brownies.

Posted by: jes | May 2, 2008 1:14 PM | Report abuse

Sadly, one cannot set the Bluebook on fire. We tried at the end of 1L. It flat out would not ignite.

It got bigger. You could smuggle half of South America in there. But, it is not as big as the Chicago Manual. Just less useful.

I am going into public policy, most of the people reading what I write won't have a clue what a correct bluebook cite is, so I can fake it.

Posted by: ep | May 2, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

And I'll bring "The Elephants of Style".

Posted by: omni | May 2, 2008 1:25 PM | Report abuse

Trunk & White, right?

Posted by: byoolin | May 2, 2008 1:31 PM | Report abuse

"WTF is Benji on?"

Lust. He's in the fog of lust, complete with herpes, crabs and whatever else Skanque Hilton.

Anyone care to take bets on how long before she's preggers?

Posted by: Californian | May 2, 2008 2:20 PM | Report abuse

I'll contribute the sodas, mojitos and a worn out copy of CSS style guides.

Californian,
As long as she doesn't think getting pregnant is hot I think we're all safe. At least I hope we are.

Posted by: petal | May 2, 2008 2:51 PM | Report abuse

wtf?

Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

All this talk of bluebooks prompted me to pull mine off the bookshelf for the first time in years. Mine is 15th edition, copyright 1991. Man am I old.

Am I too old to join the cult?

Posted by: new england | May 2, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Damn, I was stuck on a long docket this morning and missed all this hilariousness. It took my elitist, overly educated, pony-referencing self about fifteen minutes to read.

If you bring food (esp guac), you're in. ep, congrats on graduating. I miss pretty much nothing about law school. Too bad about that whole bar thing coming up, though. RCR, I'm glad you brought your joke over to your audience because it was hysterical.

No celeb opinions, but I will cop to the fact that my other celeb source is Perez Hilton. It's the only other one, and I'm totally ashamed of myself but I just can't stop...

Posted by: Sigh | May 2, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

Lots of closeted bluebook owners in here...

Posted by: Sigh | May 2, 2008 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Petal, at this point Paris may well have decided that pregnancy is hot. Because (a) so many of her hot friends have done it and (b) what does she not think is hot? So yeah, now that you mention it, I would expect her to produce spawn of madden within a year or so.

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 3:33 PM | Report abuse

I think she'll get tired of black and skull motif clothing and get a new boyfriend...I mean, style.

Posted by: Sigh | May 2, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

oh oh oh i have style books leading back to 2000 that i can bring in. style books for all! as for the blue books, i use mine to kill spiders and other creepy crawlies. you get quite an effective sploosh from them. who knew?

Posted by: melissamac1 | May 2, 2008 3:51 PM | Report abuse

I am wondering how Liz Kelly will react when she realizes that many (most?) of her elitist Celebritology cult member friends are lawyers.

Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

Okay, it's 4:00 p.m.,and all the lawyers are back from Friday Motions. Anyone got any good lawyer jokes?

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 2, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

I'm not a lawyer! But I do own a LOT of style guides. (None of this Bluebook, though, which I had to google this morning.)

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

I am not a lawyer, though many if not most of my friends are (a friend of mine just found out she passed the bar just yesterday). This is probably the best quote about lawyers I have read in a good long while.


"Lawyers are like heroin. They make you feel good, make you want more and more of what they offer and they are very, very, expensive."

Posted by: michael | May 2, 2008 4:12 PM | Report abuse

Put my name in the "Not a lawyer" column.

Posted by: methinks | May 2, 2008 4:48 PM | Report abuse

Clearly we'll also need a lawyer/nonlawyer designation for those t-shirts. . . .

Posted by: td, non-lawyer | May 2, 2008 4:50 PM | Report abuse

It's good to know there's a pool of lawyers I can pose questions to regarding absolutely hypothetical shenanigans a friend of mine gets into.

Posted by: petal, non-lawyer | May 2, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

Non-lawyer out here on the left coast. I'm a writer.

Posted by: Californian | May 2, 2008 6:35 PM | Report abuse

Not a lawyer, but I work with them as a legal assistant in the RE biz, no litigation for my guys.

I think this must be the first time that the Morning Mix has outposted the Lost blog.

Posted by: jake e. poo | May 2, 2008 7:57 PM | Report abuse

Wow. Who knew my fellow lawyers were so entertaining? Why aren't you people my opposing counsel instead of the humorless toads I seem to draw?

I own two bluebooks, actually, and haven't cracked either open since law school 12 years ago.

Posted by: harvalicious | May 2, 2008 8:33 PM | Report abuse

I'm a writer, too. Thus all the style guides. So basically this stuff draws lawyers and writers?

Posted by: h3 | May 2, 2008 9:27 PM | Report abuse

Congrats Mariah & Nick! I'm sure you've accomplished in breaking many guys' hearts with this news including my buddy Erick Martinez of Concord. We used to listen to your music on the way to San Francisco to set the mood for a night of drinking Cisco Malt Liquor (yuk!...but it was cheap) and spending the evening as a couple at strip clubs. This was back in the "#1's" release day. He was only interested in the hot ladies that had some kind of resemblance to you! Thanks for the good times then and now!

Posted by: anon | May 7, 2008 2:59 PM | Report abuse

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