Paris and Paula Want You Sober

Paris and Paula want me sober?

Well, I want Paris and Paula in a naked cage match to the death.

But it's like Mick and Keef say: You can't always get what you want. (But thanks for the link to that pic of Tara's shoes.)

Tonight One Night Only: Paula Abdul fronting Minor Threat

Fine shoes, indeed.

I believe that Paula and Paris were sober for one day. It's the other 364 days of the year I am not so sure about.

Too bad LiLo wasn't there, if only to give rublindsey another reason to post.

But wouldn't Paris and Paula be so much easier to take if I weren't sober?

The Sober Day 2008 Chairman Emeritus must be Nick Nolte.

damn you, byoolin, you stole my joke.

Did anyone think to invite Gary Busey??

Keynote speaker: Keith Richards.

I only steal from the best, jake.

Wow Quint -- is that an "Out of Step" reference?!

Oh the jokes are too easy aren't they? Kinda like shootin' fish in a barrel.

Chauffer service provided by Rip Torn.

Did we learn NOTHING from the days when Elvis volunteered to help Nixon fight drugs? Clearly, I am in the wrong line of work -- I need to go into PR.

Then again, when else would you see "Paula Abdul, Paris Hilton, the Kardashian sisters, Chris Tucker, Tom Arnold and Larry King"

Larry King?! Did he get lost on his way to the restroom and wind up here?

LARRY: "Tom, I loved your work on Roseanne."
TOM: "Thanks. We acted on the show together well, too. You know, I've done a lot since then, like True Lies with Arnold Schwar--"
LARRY: "Can you help me find the can? Where the h3ll am I anyway?"

I don't think booze is Paula's problem. It's the bottles and bottles of prescription drugs she's swallowing.

leave linsey alone. you guys are just jelous of her beauty and her talent.

I'm impressed, luvlindsey. You were able to construct two coherent sentences. Well done.

Nobody here is picking on Linsey you fool, we're picking on Lindsay.

I this is the face of sobriety....

http://www.hollywood.com/photo/Event_Gallery_Brent_Shapiro_Foundation_Presents_Sober_Day_2008_Carol_Connors_and_Deanna_Lund/5238352/5238460

.....then I wanna stay drunk.

Pass me my drink, Bored because I'm with you. Is it me, or in that photo does Deanna Lund (who?) kinda look like Victoria Beckham in 20-30 years?

Thanks, Bored. Now I wanna get drunk.

Although, in her defence, Deanna Lund *is* 71 years old and apparently trying to look like she did when she was on "Land Of The Giants" back in '68.

LAND OF THE GIANTS?!?!

Byoolin, did you know that or did you look it up? I am in complete awe. . . .

Does anyone else assume, as I do, that luvlindsey is a regular reader posing as a TTT just to get a reaction? It was somewhat amusing at first, but the joke's worn really thin. Can we just pretend he/she doesn't exist? You know, like LiLo's career...

I suspect that Paula and Paris want us sober so that they and LiLo can have all the booze to themselves.

Paris and Paula BOTH want me? Dang, I must be doing something right!

The mind quails when forced to imagine how much alcohol it would take before I could find either of them, or indeed the other illustrious attendees of Sober Day, even remotely attractive.

We always used to make Joe Larent play Fitzhugh.

I knew I knew who Deanna was, but was blanking on why, so I did look it up. But then I remembered.

There are old episodes of LOTG on either Hulu or Fancast, you know... they look EXTREMELY cheesy.

The mind quails when forced to imagine how much alcohol it would take before I could find either of them, or indeed the other illustrious attendees of Sober Day, even remotely attractive.

Posted by: jaybbub | May 20, 2008 1:34 PM

*************

Fortunately, jaybbub, we have Shakespeare to guide us:

Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him; it sets
him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,
and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and
not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him
in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.

I'm swooning. Byoolin quoted Shakespeare to me. ME! Little ol' jayb! My God I love Celebritology.

As you might imagine, the words that just jumped out at me were "much drink".

:)

I act more normal drunk than Paula does sober.

leave linsey alone. you guys are just jelous of her beauty and her talent.

Posted by: luvlindsey | May 20, 2008 12:53 PM

I'm impressed, luvlindsey. You were able to construct two coherent sentences. Well done.

Posted by: still | May 20, 2008 12:58 PM

Nobody here is picking on Linsey you fool, we're picking on Lindsay.

Posted by: omni | May 20, 2008 1:03 PM

************************

OK, guys--you do realize luvlindsey is just yanking your chain, right? Quite well. Every day.

jaybbub, I confess it was a tossup for a while whether I would quote Shakespeare or Bruce Robinson's "Withnail & I":

We want the finest wines availible to humanity. We want them here and we want them now.

"Available," I mean.

Okay folks, which work of Shakespeare contains that well-known passage quoted by Byoolin?

Then there is Henny Youngman's take:

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Wow, over an hour passed between comments. Did everyone's bosses just walk in the room?

Michael asks:
"Wow, over an hour passed between comments. Did everyone's bosses just walk in the room?"

--------------------------------------------

Michael, didn't you get the message? It's Happy Hour! We're all drinking mojitos at Liz' house.

Alex notes

"OK, guys--you do realize luvlindsey is just yanking your chain, right? Quite well. Every day."
-------------------------------------------
I'd rather that luvlundsey stroke another part of me quite well every day.

You're all DRINKING??? And after Paula and Paris asked you so kindly not too. How dare you!

I'm jealous.

I share Osteph's outrage and shall drink at home until blindness or feeling of goodwill overtake me.

'Squatch, you know there's a possibility that 'luvlindsey' is a, you know, guy?

He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.--Humphrey Bogart

No fair drinking!!! Those of us in a different time zone still have to at least look like we are working.

Byoolin asks:

"'Squatch, you know there's a possibility that 'luvlindsey' is a, you know, guy?"

-----------------------------------------
Yeah. Thought about that. I figure that if that's the case, I'd out him and make him kiss my three-day unwashed tuchus.

"I figure that if that's the case, I'd out him and make him kiss my three-day unwashed tuchus.

Posted by: Sasquatch | May 20, 2008 4:17 PM"

So THAT's why they call you Sasquatch!

"To be considered a true friend and fellow boozer is to me pure honor and glory." - Francois Rabelais, introduction to Garantua and Pantagruel

Ugh. Gargantua, that is. Pass the mead.

Actually, although Sasquatch claims to be still sober, he was hitting on luvlundsey, rather than luvlindsey.

Luvlundsey might be interested. . .

Things just haven't been the same since D.B. Cooper left the neighborhood......

Awww, give Paula a break. She's clearly just high on life.

You know if you get drunk early enough in the day you can get your hangover out of the way before you go to bed...

Sorry it's so lonely out there, Sasquatch. Maybe your other BFF Derek Jeter will stop by for a vist.

Ah MacBeth! I just fell a little bit more in love with byoolin

Can't you jealous ass people leave Paula alone can't you all find someone e;se to pick on.

Pick on Paris, Lindsey and other skanky girls but leave Paula Alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!
I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, which has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not damn sexy), most important - CHRISTIAN young lady!
I'll tell you guys more, that clones (it's not only one) made in GERMANY - world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, North Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning! Helmut Kohl clone staff 100% controlling all their clones spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Think wise..
Apparently those clones is very actively shown on your website . This is just a warning, because original person is not happy about those images and video, rumors and etc., in that way it would be really nice if you try slow down that ''actress'' career development on your website, original Scarlett's parents will really appreciated that. Please do that, do not wait until FBI agent give you a call with questions. Please remember that original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created, it all need to be return back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.
Original Scarlett is not engage!
Her close friend Serg J.-G.
P.S.
H.R. 534, the Human Cloning Prohibition Act of 2003, was introduced to the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2003. After discussion, it was passed on February 27 by a vote of 241-155. It now moves on to the Senate for consideration. This bill makes it unlawful for any person or entity to perform or participate in human cloning, or to ship or receive embryos produced by human cloning. The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more.
These now join other nations as diverse as Norway, Australia, and Germany, which had already added cloning for any purpose to their criminal code. And in Germany where it carries a penalty of five years imprisonment they know a thing or two about unethical science.

Yall need to leave Paula Abdul alone.
She does not drink or do drugs!
I think yall are jealous of her wonderful talent of singing and acting.
She is also very beautiful!

Oh, Thanks! Really funny. Big ups!