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Posted at 10:42 AM ET, 06/18/2008

Deliver Us from Celine Dion

By Liz Kelly

(Image courtesy Storktunes.com)

I've never given birth so my cred for critiquing what goes down in a delivery room is about as informed as that of a 20-year-old frat boy. And after seeing "Knocked Up" I may not take my studies in this area much further. But, still, when I came across this peppy little press release touting a birth room CD headlined by the music of Celine Dion even I knew enough to recognize bad chemistry: labor pain + Celine Dion = CDs used as throwing stars.

But, not trusting my limited knowledge, I asked my friend Amy -- who gave birth to daughter Maxine in November -- to weigh in. Since the experience was still somewhat fresh in her mind, she was better able to address the effects Celine might have had on her own labor:


I went from "Am I in labor?" To "I'm dying! Oh my God I'm dying!" in the space of an hour. So had someone handed me a Celine Dion CD I would have winged it straight out the window. But once I had my epidural I would have politely listened to Celine Dion, Michael Bolton, or even Phil Collins. But I certainly wouldn't have WANTED to listen to bad music while I was in labor any more than I would want to listen to it now. Labor doesn't turn you into a smooth jazz fan or anything.

(Whew. -- Liz)

My husband and I considered making a CD for labor, but ultimately I thought it would be better to have a baby without musical accompaniment. Maxine's birth was an extremely big moment in my life, and I don't think I would have appreciated her first cry being drowned out by 'My Heart Will Go On.'

Celine not your style? The CD also includes cuts from from Kenny Loggins, Billy Joel and Raffi (perhaps this last was added to give expectant moms a preview of the next decade of kid-centric sing-song anthems).

New dad Frank Thomason, a frequent Celebritology contributor, says delivery rooms are full of loud, beepy, whirring machines so he doubts one would even hear Celine or anyone else. But, pressed further, Frank said perhaps Salt N' Pepa's "Push It" would have been more inspirational for his wife.

I realize this CD was made for a good cause and all. Sales benefit the March of Dimes. But might I suggest a tee-shirt or a baby blanky next time?

By Liz Kelly  | June 18, 2008; 10:42 AM ET
Categories:  Miscellaneous  
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Comments

Forget about the window - I would have Frisbeed it into the forehead of anyone who gave it to me. I brought Motown for the birth of my first (I had about 14 hrs to kill). My second was born about 20 mins after I got to the hospital, so music was not on my mind.

Posted by: Celine Dion Song | June 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

I had music in the room when I gave birth. We didn't make any special mix, just had the iPod and little speakers and played whatever I felt like hearing. Like your friend, the transition from "yeah, yoga breathing, find your focus, I can do this!" to "HOLY ^(@$& WHERE IS THE @(%#&ing EPIDURAL?!?!!" happened in a frighteningly fast span of time, so I don't recall anything playing after that point, but having songs I liked to chill out to (a lot of Sting, mellow Radiohead etc...) helped me relax and be in a good mood and be ready for the difficult task ahead. Celine was nowhere on that playlist. Also, neither was "Ice Ice Baby", a song I have confessed is on my iPod.

And if my husband had played "Push It", I don't think I would have found it very amusing at the time.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Track list, for those who are dying to know:
* Celine Dion
A Mother's Prayer
* Dixie Chicks
Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)
* Jessica Andrews
I Wish for You
* The Boys Choir of Harlem
Children of the World
* Katrina Carlson
Mother
* Norah Jones
Sunrise
* Dean Backholm
Mother & Child
* Kenny Loggins
Rainbow Connection
* Billy Joel
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)
* Sinead O'Connor
All Babies
* Wynonna Judd
Always Will
* Raffi
May There Always be Sunshine

Posted by: h3 | June 18, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

LOL @ Push It. I will say that there are probably tons of people out there who are bona fide Celine fans...they just don't tend to post snarky comments to blog sites. And, on the flip side, having seen my wife give birth to two baby boys (only from the waist up for me, thanks), I can say that even the most cynical, jaded Gen-X/Yer can probably lose his or her composure in the hyperemotional post-delivery period. Kenny Loggin's song about Pooh and Christopher Robin, for example, puts a lump in my throat the size of a walnut, because my older boy is just the right age to ask me to take him on an adventure that may be as involved as a walk in the woods picking up pinecones. And I literally cannot listen to "Tears In Heaven". I fall apart.

Posted by: 23112 | June 18, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, if god forbid, I ever have a child, music is the last thing on my mind. If someone tries to be "understanding" and make it less painful in any way OTHER than actually going through labor for me, is getting it right between the eyes.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

ep, sometimes you have a lot of time to kill in the hospital - I got there at 7 am for an inducement (please no one snipe at me for that like the mean mommies at On Balance would) so I had a good 7 hours where I couldn't leave the bed because I was hooked up to all the machines & junk before the actual unbearable pain started. Music was a fantastic way to cope.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 11:17 AM | Report abuse

I'm actually pregnant with our third child and have been thinking about this issue. I did the natural thing (sorry, anything stuck in my spinal column freaks me out more than the pain!)

Having something to focus on really helps during the contractions, but I think the music on this CD would cause a negative concentration, rather than a positive one! I'm thinking some U2, Coldplay, Blondie as well as some real (i.e. *not* Kenny G) jazz--maybe even Peanuts music. Anything sappy in any way makes me cry already, I don't think that would help in the delivery room.

I'll take suggestions too--I like almost any kind of music, except the dreck previously mentioned, and country western.

Posted by: HM | June 18, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

If I found myself being born to the playlist that h3 has posted, my first act as a human being would be to strangle myself with my own umbilicus.

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 11:32 AM | Report abuse

Anyone who wants to spare themselves the pain of listening to Celine during childbirth can simply make an in kind pledge to sponsor me and my son next year for the March of Dimes walk. I'm here to help folks.

Posted by: jes | June 18, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

HM I sugest this album!
http://www.amazon.com/Speak-Lindsay-Lohan/dp/B00065JTB0/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1213803335&sr=8-2

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

I would've thought the Billy Joel track would've been something more soothing, like "Pressure."

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 11:37 AM | Report abuse

* Kenny Loggins
Rainbow Connection
* Billy Joel
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)

Already on my iPod (Rainbow Connection only becuase iTunes doesn't have the Kermit the Frog version)...LOL...The others I wouldn't be caught dead listening to (well, maybe the Boys Choir -- but Sinead and the Dixie Chicks? Eek).

Posted by: WDC 21113 | June 18, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

kid-centric sing-song anthems: my 5-YO's current favorites are I Want You to Want Me and, er, Rehab. There's nothing like the look on a grandparent's face when their beloved grand-spawn busts out with a little "Try to make go to rehab, and I say no-no-no."

Posted by: WestRI | June 18, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

I love how idealized the playlist is, as if having a baby were such a warm and fuzzy experience without a bunch of screaming, grunting, and unpleasant bodily fluids.
Recently, at the end of a very,very long day on the airplane, I played some Village People and felt able to haul myself off the plane and claim my luggage, so maybe that would work for labor as well.

Posted by: possum | June 18, 2008 11:40 AM | Report abuse

Oh yeah?

Why when I was in labour, I had to walk ten miles through the snow . . . oh, wait, never mind.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

This just begs for a MADtv or SNL skit of Celine signing "My Heart Will Go On" as she is giving birth.

Every night in my dreams (OW!)
I see you. (OO!)
I feel you. (I should feel you -- I've been carrying you for 40 weeks)
That is how I know you go on. (Though I'm not sure I myself can; can I have more drugs please? Aaaaaa)

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

My babies were before the ipod era, but I watched college football (which I love) all day. Having something to concentrate on during a long labor really helped, with no loss if I drifted off for awhile. The doctor hung out with us to watch, too.

Posted by: Kris | June 18, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

If someone put this CD on for me, I would throw *myself* out of the window, let alone the CD.

Posted by: More drugs, less music | June 18, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Anything connected to Celine Dion in any way, shape or form is on my sh*t list. I recall the People magazine spread after she foaled a few years back. It was a litany of everything in the nursery and how much it cost. Obviously the woman comes from poor white trash and she has money now, so she's flaunting it. We used to call it n***** rich.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

I love how idealized the playlist is, as if having a baby were such a warm and fuzzy experience without a bunch of screaming, grunting, and unpleasant bodily fluids.

Posted by: possum
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Right on, possum. I gave birth less than two weeks ago (holla!), and the thought of listeing to Celine singing while getting through labor is worse than puking during transition. (FWIW, the labor/birth was fast, uncomplicated, and #3 is a healthy baby!)

Posted by: con-e | June 18, 2008 12:12 PM | Report abuse

Cable tv but no cd. I checked into the hospital at 830 am to be induced, and my son didn't come until 421pm THE NEXT DAY!!!! My mother came near the bed to whisper calm nothings in my ear, and I kicked her. That's how much agony I was in. I apologized profusely later after it was all over. I swore I would never have another baby (but I'm reconsidering that since I have discovered that I love babies.) But if I couldn't handle my mother, I know I wouldn't handle a darn cd.

Posted by: dcp | June 18, 2008 12:18 PM | Report abuse

Anything connected to Celine Dion in any way, shape or form is on my sh*t list. I recall the People magazine spread after she foaled a few years back. It was a litany of everything in the nursery and how much it cost. Obviously the woman comes from poor white trash and she has money now, so she's flaunting it. We used to call it n***** rich.

Posted by: | June 18, 2008 12:07 PM

Um....you know, I'm no great fan of Celine Dion, but....wow. That's a little much. And pretty offensive.

Posted by: Magnolia | June 18, 2008 12:29 PM | Report abuse

kid-centric sing-song anthems: my 5-YO's current favorites are I Want You to Want Me and, er, Rehab. There's nothing like the look on a grandparent's face when their beloved grand-spawn busts out with a little "Try to make go to rehab, and I say no-no-no."

Posted by: WestRI | June 18, 2008 11:38 AM
-------------------
You are in the company of my neighbors that were teaching their 3-year-old the right lyrics to 'Rehab' while out on a family stroll. I still get a kick out seeing elementary school kids obliviously singing along to 'YMCA'. You never know what will become a kids tune.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 18, 2008 12:34 PM | Report abuse

Hilarious. There ought to be a rule for making mix tapes. Lin Brehmer of WXRT Chicago proposes some general guidelines here:

http://www.93xrt.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=1738764

Posted by: Dave Zimmerman | June 18, 2008 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Somehow I think more kids are conceived to Celine Dion than delivered.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 18, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

no personal experience here, but i think if i were giving birth my tendency would be for something along the lines of aerosmith's "toys in the attic."

Posted by: b | June 18, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

Somehow I think more kids are conceived to Celine Dion than delivered.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 18, 2008 12:37 PM


If there is one voice that would get me out of the mood, her's would be it. Give me some Marvin or Jill Scott.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 12:55 PM | Report abuse

I'm sorry, this track list just makes me want to puke. What were they thinking? Labor has stages, different moods, but I think it's safe to say that this is a chucker no matter what.

My #1 recommendation, HM, is Ritual de lo Habitual. Great to push to. And Pink Moon for when the nurses won't let you get to sleep.

Posted by: HH | June 18, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

hahaha westRI i love the things kids sing. my 4-year-old godson is currently learning all the words to pour some sugar on me and i'm too sexy. cracks me up. his parents hate it, but i'm trying to make him cool before his time.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 1:03 PM | Report abuse

oh, to actually realize the birthplan...*sigh*...sometimes (MY time), it all goes out the window. not sure where my ipod was during that crazy morning (a month before my due date!), but the li'l bugger wasn't hanging out for mommy to set the stage with proper mood music. now, at 9 months, i'm totally teaching him "pour some sugar on me". how else am i going to get a slimy baby kiss?

Posted by: wats | June 18, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Somehow I think more kids are conceived to Celine Dion than delivered.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 18, 2008 12:37 PM

***************************

That just sent a shiver down my spine.

Posted by: michael | June 18, 2008 1:18 PM | Report abuse

I think you're missing an asterisk, ergo "n****** rich" (you did mean "nouveau," right? I have trouble with French words also).

Posted by: sacre bleu, or couer, or something | June 18, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the recommendations HH. I hate how those nurses keep waking you up in the hospital. With first baby, I had them take her to the nursery so I could sleep, HA! They brought her to me to feed every two hours whether she was hungry or not.

Second baby I kept in the room with me and got more sleep--only nursed her when she was actually hungry! I also learned better to ask questions and stand up for myself more.

I'm thinking that maybe music that I can sing along to (whether I can actually sing or not!) is good, because then I can think about lyrics and distract from the contractions--maybe some classic Police. Every Breath you Take, Don't Stand so Close To Me, etc.

Posted by: HM | June 18, 2008 1:35 PM | Report abuse

What a co-inky-dink that "Pour Some Sugar On Me" is playing on DC101 right now! LOL!!

When my cousin was around 3 or so & I'd babysit him & we'd rock out to Bon Jovi. There's even an incriminating tape of him singing "Shot foo da haaahtt & yur too blame, yooo give luuuuv a bad name!" dancing, headbanging & everything!

Posted by: Bored @ work | June 18, 2008 1:35 PM | Report abuse

I say bring some music for afterwards. I forgot to bring music with me but was fine after they gave some painkiller that made me loopy until the epidural came (I had no qualms about asking for an epidural before I even got out of the car good). A lot of the stuff people plan for a birth is hopelessly romantic, emphasis on hopelessly.
RiverCityRoller: I haven't posted on On Balance or On Parenting in months because it so often turns into verbal b1tchslapping.

Posted by: Angela | June 18, 2008 1:51 PM | Report abuse

This weekend my 6yo nephew was singing "hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfrined"... but he kept changing the "hey you" part to "B-U-T-T, I don't like your girlfriend." hilarious...

Posted by: mango | June 18, 2008 1:52 PM | Report abuse

The women in my family have all told various versions of being halfway through labor and having the urge to strangle their husbands for knocking them up.

I think the appropriate tune for mid labor would be The Who: "Won't Get Fooled Again."

If the woman in labor has not yet gotten the epidural, it's time to give the anesthesiologist a hint with The Ramones" "I Want To Be Sedated."

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 1:54 PM | Report abuse

Hey folks, not that I would advocate doing this, but what would happen if a number of Lizards crashed the On Balance Communal Beyotch Slap?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

sasquatch - generally I would be curious to see what would happen as well, however, have you checked things out over there today? Snooze-Fest.

Posted by: mango | June 18, 2008 2:02 PM | Report abuse


The number of humans conceived to the music of Celine Dion pales in comparison to the number of humans conceived to the music of All-Time Bedroom Boogie Champion.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the late, great

BARRY WHITE


"Can't get enough of your love, Baby...."

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:03 PM | Report abuse

Mango, if I were an anarchist, but then again, no.

Ooops, wrong tune.


The best time for Lizards to make an appearance on the Communal Beyotch Slap would be on a day when 3 or 4 beyotches are in a slapping frenzy.

Hmmmm, I wonder if we can persuade luvlinsey and dinarulz to go on the Beyotch Slap and proclaim their admiration for Dina. That would get the bees buzzin'.

Here's an epistemological question: Is a communal beyotch slap the female equivalent to a circle jerk?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

People, I think we're missing the important issue at the heart of this CD, which is that Celine Dion is the only person in the entire history of humanity to have actually given birth to a child. Don't you remember all those glorious magazine covers after the event of the goddess and the miraculous little one?

[/end-of-snark]

Posted by: ADHD | June 18, 2008 2:13 PM | Report abuse

um, I didn't know the "real" meaning behind YMCA until about two years ago - and I am 33.

Pour Some Sugar on Me I got back in 1988 though!

Posted by: Betty | June 18, 2008 2:14 PM | Report abuse

The Snarkfest is never ending in the Celebritology Snark Tank!

While we're speaking of snarks...err....Shark Week.....

HEY LIZ!!! Have you set a day/time for the Mike Rowe phoner?????

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:16 PM | Report abuse

I'm up for a Lizard snark party crash! On Parenting is a slap-fiesta today... Although I agree with some posters there that question why people who profess that they'll never have kids are hanging out on the On Parenting board.

ADHD have you seen recent pics of the kid? I was reading a People or something like it in a waiting room a few months back, and the boy has hair longer than mine... kid looks ODD. I think he'd be a sweet looking kid if he got a normal haircut. Maybe he's afraid if he got a haircut he'd be bald like his dad.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 2:19 PM | Report abuse

is liz really truly going to talk to mike rowe?!? can he come to the empress tea room sasquatch?

if we wanted to get the communal beyotch slap started someone could go on there and say something about stay-at-home-moms vs. working moms. that always gets thier feathers in a flutter over there.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

Calling luvlinsey! Calling dinarulz!

Can you two be dears, and tell the On Balance audience why Dina and Lindsay are two of the best people anywhere?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:27 PM | Report abuse

Melissmac, I'm not sure that Mike Rowe is the tea-drinking type. Last night he was buying beer rounds for the crab boat captains on After the Catch. I think that Mike would be much more comfortable drinking cold ones at a real joint. Besides, can you imagine Mike Rowe walking into the Empress Tea Lobby immediately after completing a dirty job?

So, Melessa, please recommend a joint. I'd love to have a few beers at that Ballard Locks joint that they use for After the Catch.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:30 PM | Report abuse

sigh, one can always dream sasquatch. his parents don't live too far from me maybe they'd be interested in joining our little get togther. it'd be a family-lizard affair.
i watched that last night too so i know exactly what you're talking about! i did not know that sasquatchs had tvs in their caves though. do ya'll live in caves? (see, this is what the discovery channel should do a show on.)

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 2:35 PM | Report abuse

"um, I didn't know the "real" meaning behind YMCA until about two years ago - and I am 33." --Betty | June 18, 2008 2:14 PM

I went to a wedding about 10 years ago of a friend who was "formerly" gay. (It was no secret -- everyone there spoke of "his past" in hushed tones.)

The ceremony had lots of hand waving and public witness, and I was way in the non-evangelical minority. Imagine my surprise when they played "YMCA" at the reception and EVERYONE ran to the dance floor.

So don't worry Betty -- many people still have no idea about that song!

Posted by: td knows a place you can go | June 18, 2008 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Okay, folks, I've checked On Parenting, and find that it is full of nasty people, including one douchebag who pasted the entire thread into his/her comment. IDJIT!!!! Snark away!

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:41 PM | Report abuse

Childbirth playlist suggestions:

Any music you would enjoy listening to in a state of absolute and profound nausea, stomach cramps or during a migraine.

That, for most people, would be an extremely short list.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

The On Balance crazies have nothing on the CityMoms/NYC crew. When I was pregnant with the little Winehouse in 2003, they brutalized a poor woman who wrote in asking if it was ok to have one can of diet coke to alleviate some killer morning sickness. I'm guessing that poor woman never left the house again.

Posted by: WestRI | June 18, 2008 2:45 PM | Report abuse

That is just sad, WestRI.
I'm glad we just snark on celebrities here and not each other (well except for luvlinsey). It seems like people take notes on the OnBalance and OnParenting regulars and bring up stuff they said months ago, it really creeps me out.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 2:51 PM | Report abuse

Someone in the March 'o Dimes has confused "childbirth music" with "lullabyes." Sleepy babies might like this album, perhaps.

If I had to do it all over again (thankfully, I don't) I'd go with my son's all time favorite relaxation technique:

a Nintendo Game Boy.

"Can I hold off on that next push? Mario's almost made it to the castle!"

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Holy cow! I'd never taken a look at the OnBalance and OnParenting blogs, but I just did and they're as crazy as everyone said? Both are pretty scary, actually.

Posted by: Magnolia | June 18, 2008 3:08 PM | Report abuse

Am I reading the right section? OnBalance (also referred to here in the past as UnBalanced) is about life coaches. Zzzz.

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 3:11 PM | Report abuse

Sorry...what IS the real meaning of "YMCA"?

Posted by: Still Clueless | June 18, 2008 3:11 PM | Report abuse

Sometimes, for sh*ts and giggles, I like to post over on the On (Off) Balance and On Parenting blogs, just to whip them into a frenzy. It's just so easy.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

td, I was mostly referring to OnParenting, which is all about flight attedants and screaming children. That seems to have really riled up the masses.

Posted by: Magnolia | June 18, 2008 3:14 PM | Report abuse

The real meaning of the YMCA? Uh, think about all those Village People. Alone in a strange city. Nowhere to go, and not a lot of $$. But, not to worry! It's fun to stay at the YMCA!

You may want to wait a while before you see "Top Gun" again, too.

Posted by: HH | June 18, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

Here - helpful lyrics:

Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.

They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

Posted by: HH | June 18, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Oh, now I get it!

Posted by: Still Clueless Begins to See the Light | June 18, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

i posted on the scary parenting blogs one time about how parents should let their kids eat dirt (or something silly like that)and i am afraid to go there now. it's a dark, scary, evil place.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 3:24 PM | Report abuse

to td: THAT is so funny! Wow, that's really all I can say...WOW!

and really, when you are dressed like an Indian, a Cop and a Construction worker singing about a place where you take swimming lessons - you really don't think they are going to be singing about dirty things - you can do whatever you feel, yes, play basketball, workout, swim, and um, other things too....

Posted by: betty | June 18, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

I remember this day is being a particularly good / bad example of the scariness of the OnBalance Blog... Read if you dare
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/onbalance/2008/04/eviction_notice_1.html

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

WestRI does diet coke alliviate all nausea or just morning sickness? i've heard of drinking ginger ale, but i would much rather have a diet coke so am wondering if it truly works.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 3:27 PM | Report abuse

Okay, I've got to ask...I knew about YMCA, but don't get the reference to Top Gun. I'm guessing something along the same lines?

Posted by: longhorn | June 18, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

WestRI: Love it. My 4 yr old daughter has been known to sing Violent Femmes songs (though I hit mute for some of the expletives), went through a Blondie stage, and yes, sings along to Rehab with me in the car.

Posted by: Kid Music? | June 18, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

is it possible to read the lyrics above WITHOUT singing them? i think not.

what's wrong with a diet coke during pregnancy? as long as it's not laced with the rum and the coconut, it's all good!

Posted by: wats | June 18, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

Still Clueless, I'm so glad!!! My day has a whole new sense of purpose now...

My toddler is in daycare at the Y right now. I try to stay out of the snakepit over at OP, but I love the idea of a crash!

Posted by: HH | June 18, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

I also don't get the Top Gun reference...

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 3:33 PM | Report abuse

RCR, thanks for making a cameo snark in On Parenting. There is at least one person there who has her knickers in a big knot. heh-hehe-heh

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

Sometimes, for sh*ts and giggles, I like to post over on the On (Off) Balance and On Parenting blogs, just to whip them into a frenzy. It's just so easy.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 3:12 PM

OMG jake e. poo! I do that too!!!!

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 18, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

Oh, people. I feel a little bad about this, but there is a REASON for all the Tom-Cruise-is-gay rumors. And that reason also features Val Kilmer.

Is there a separate chat for Fruit Flies?

Posted by: HH | June 18, 2008 3:38 PM | Report abuse

While we're on the subject of Kids; Music That Adults Can Tolerate for More Than 30 Seconds, did anyone else catch Weekend All Things Considered's review of the new collection by Barenaked Ladies, "Snack Time"?

It's hilarious!

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 3:41 PM | Report abuse

"fruit flies"?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 3:42 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for clarifying, RCR. That post about the woman with five kids and the venom that ensued really was scary!

Re: "Top Gun," google "top gun overtones" and you'll get results like this:
http://forums.comicbookresources.com/archive/index.php/t-128723.html

Posted by: td is no tc | June 18, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

Holy smokes - there are 275 posts over on the mean mommies (parenting, not balance).

And I apologize for getting crazy with the exclamation points in my last post - I blame the drugs. I will leave open the question whether it's the drugs from teh past, or the current drugs...

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 18, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

I ventured into the flight attendants and small children post, too, and left a calling card. Wow, what a bunch of angry bees in a jar.

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

The saddest thing about the CityMoms site, and many of those parenting/pregnancy blogs, is people who write in sincerely looking for support or help and they end getting castigated. It's sick.

As for diet coke...I had terrible morning sickness and it did settle my stomach some. Maybe just because it was cold and bubbly. Fresh lemonade was the best though.

Posted by: WestRI | June 18, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

5 kids? Nothing. The one that sucked me in was about people who are childless by choice. Don't know which one it was on, don't have the patience to look. That was vicious. It was ugly. I thought I was being a responsible human by not having children when I realized it wasn't the right path for me only to find out I'm being selfish, which was one of the nicer names I was called. Those people are freakin' nuts.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 4:00 PM | Report abuse

melissamac1: I misread your question - too much diet coke (tab?) in the womb. I think seltzer works better on general nausea. I'm not a doctor - I just enjoy my bubbly beverages.

Someone asked what's wrong with diet coke in pregnancy...some people think that since aspertame and caffine have not been proven to not be harmful to a developing fetus, you should avoid them in pregnancy. My doctors have advised moderation. (I'm almost afraid to post this.)

Posted by: WestRI | June 18, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

Um, the comments on the On Parenting blog between Sasquatch, Emily, and Daz are freaking hilarious and will probably be erased in the next hour! I've been lol-ing for 15 mins now.

Liz, care to comment?

Posted by: dc snark | June 18, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

Ok, I left my 2 cents on the mean mommies blog. What a group of harpies they are. And Sasquatch went over there and got them all hot and bothered by bringing up sex - I swear they were nastier than I ever seen this blog get.

About soda while pregnant - my doc never told me to stop eating or drinking anything and when I asked him about it, he said, "eat colorfully" and you'll be fine. He told me the risks of some things - like Mexican cheese, or deli meat or sushi, but did not prohibit anything - including alcohol. The only thing I craved during pregnancy was orange soda and Cheetos.

btw, I AM luvcheetos. I am NOT luvlinsey.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 18, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

td i too ventured into the mean mommies blog. yikes! i did not leave a calling card, but i did enjoy sasquatch's cameo. very nice, i'm not sure the parent-bloggers new how to react. espically that emily lady, she's nuts!

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 4:14 PM | Report abuse

I think that Emily the OnN Parenting BOTD (Beyotch of teh Day) went into her VariKennel.

And Daz put his seatback and tray into upright and licked [sic] position.

Meanwhile, I think I've shocked some of the mommies by mentioning my friend Elphaba, who loves it when screaming kids come to her door: take-out delivery!

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Betty writes about the double entendre of YMCA:

"you really don't think they are going to be singing about dirty things - you can do whatever you feel, yes, play basketball, workout, swim, and um, other things too...."

Gawd, you'd think it was a Tampax commercial.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:20 PM | Report abuse

I know a young Army wife who had a baby so she'd have something to do and wouldn't be "bored" while her husband is in Iraq.
But, since she's a mommy, she isn't selfish at all. /sarcasm

Posted by: TallulahBankrupt | June 18, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Sacre bleu, to answer your question- no they are not missing an asterisk. "Nouveau riche" is the term and they did not mean that. Nouveau is not a profane word. However there is a term that would warrant asterisks and starts with an 'n'. And that would be the derogatory term for a Black person. To exlain the phrase, "n***** rich" means you're only rich in comparison to where you came from.

Posted by: dcp | June 18, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Ooohhh myyyy Gawwwd, what have I done??!?!

Emily the BOTD in On Parenting says she likes me.

Somebody hide me, PLEASE!!!!!

Posted by: Sasquatch Pleads for help | June 18, 2008 4:25 PM | Report abuse

Wait, so YMCA means something other than Young Men's Christian Association?

Posted by: dcp | June 18, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

WOW, dcp! I've never heard that one before. I thought that post was kinda nasty the FIRST time I read it, but now that I know what they were REALLY trying to say.... Yikes!

My doc told me NOT to read the What to Expect When You're Expecting book, because it would just scare me into worrying about every little thing I ate, and that's no way to spend 9 months. I think I might have bumped into some of the On Parenting crowd one day on my way out of Sushi Taro... but the baby was just fine anyway!

Posted by: HH | June 18, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Maybe move any future celeb baby-naming discussions over to the On Parenting comment thread. I wonder what they'd have to say about, oh, the suggestion that Gwyneth Paltrow name her yet-to-be-conceived child Mini Martin. Eh? Sacrilege!

Posted by: a lurking lizard | June 18, 2008 4:33 PM | Report abuse

The On Parenting harpies are now debating as to which of the On Parenting lurkers I am.

I told 'em I'm really

http://dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=John_McCain

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

The On Parenting harpies are now debating as to which of the On Parenting lurkers I am.

Hehe! that is golden!

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 18, 2008 4:40 PM | Report abuse

now this is a little odd, but when I was giving birth to my daughter (1/11/1997) the best thing I could find on the stupid hospital TV was VH1. and VH1 unfortunately was having "Celine Dion" day and that's what I listed to all day long.

Posted by: flutterbyjen | June 18, 2008 4:40 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, it scares the bejeepers out of me that the people bloggin OB and OP are raising children. Can you imagine what miserable wretches they'll grow up to be. Apparently foaling does nasty things to your mind.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 4:43 PM | Report abuse

Sometimes, for sh*ts and giggles, I like to post over on the On (Off) Balance and On Parenting blogs, just to whip them into a frenzy. It's just so easy.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 3:12 PM

OMG jake e. poo! I do that too!!!!

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 18, 2008 3:38 PM

OMG, I go there too! Don't always use my "real" name...I posted earlier today, haven't been back since and now I'll have to read through all the posts...Good times.

Also, cola syrup (sold at drug stores, sometimes behind the counter) is used for upset stomachs, so I can see where the diet coke would be a suggestion.

Posted by: WDC 21113 | June 18, 2008 4:43 PM | Report abuse

Thanks to td, Mango, RCR, dcsnark, and Ms Meliisamac, who waded into harpy-infested waters in the On Parenting blog. If someone alerts the Commando Lizards to another harpy fest in On Parenting or in On Balance, we can give them a Booby Kennedy Day to remember.

Posted by: Sasquatch McCain | June 18, 2008 4:43 PM | Report abuse

Sunnydaze, thank YOU, too. Sorry I missed you on the first round of kudos.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

For Melissamac:

Mythbusters (where I get all my good science information) proved that there was some plausability to ginger being useful for curbing nausea. Adam gets extremely motion sick and ginger tablets worked the best for him.

I'd try diet ginger ale or ginger tea. Why have additional calories. Any fizzy soda with caffeine has been found to leach calcium out of your body. Not good.

Seltzer water would be fine too. Nothing as satisfying as a good pregnancy belch.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

"and VH1 unfortunately was having "Celine Dion" day and that's what I listed to all day long."

Thank God it wasn't an "I love the 60-70-80-90's" fest, else you would have had to see Andy Dick(wad).

Posted by: VH1 Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

No, n***** rich means you were once very, very poor, then became very rich and you buy stuff like gold pianos, white shag rugs, trashy gold jewelry, drugs, expensive cars and clothes. Or they allow photo spreads in People magazine showing how expensive things in the nursery are.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 4:46 PM | Report abuse

Wow, this has to be a record -- 18 posts to On Balance??? And 311 on On Parenting. It's like they switched. Fascinating.

Posted by: WDC 21113 | June 18, 2008 4:51 PM | Report abuse

Ooohhh myyyy Gawwwd, what have I done??!?!

Emily the BOTD in On Parenting says she likes me.

Somebody hide me, PLEASE!!!!!

Posted by: Sasquatch Pleads for help | June 18, 2008 4:25 PM

It doesn't matter where you hide, Sasquatch. She. Will. Find. You.

Posted by: Arlington, VA | June 18, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

Perhaps we should over-night ship a pair of LiLo leggings to Emily in her teeny condom neighborhood.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Well, Arlington, maybe the John McCain reference will throw her off my trail. I'll tell her that Cindy is jealous and is ready to beat the crap out of her.

Posted by: Sasquatch McCain | June 18, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

"Perhaps we should over-night ship a pair of LiLo leggings to Emily in her teeny condom neighborhood."

Captain Curmudgeon, you are Eeeeeevil.

HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Sasquatch ROTFL | June 18, 2008 4:58 PM | Report abuse

No, n***** rich means you were once very, very poor, then became very rich and you buy stuff like gold pianos, white shag rugs, trashy gold jewelry, drugs, expensive cars and clothes. Or they allow photo spreads in People magazine showing how expensive things in the nursery are.

Posted by: | June 18, 2008 4:46 PM

****

I don't care how you explain it, that is a very nasty thing to say.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 18, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

Let's pick a day and impersonate a band of TTTs over on the OP or OB blog. Thanks to luvlinsey (not in a good way) we should all be well versed in TTT speak.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

quick sasquatch, flee to the empress! she won't find you there, the hostess won't let her in. (there is no way emily fits the dress code.)

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

Uh oh.

Bet Emily wants pix of Sasquatch in Speedos.

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

A blogging field trip, you say?

Posted by: luvOP | June 18, 2008 5:04 PM | Report abuse

If you think about it, the term "white trash" is just as offensive. It implys that you have to specify that the trash is not the normal color you would expect it to be, doesn't it?

Flutterbyjen: Watching Celine Dion videos is perfectly acceptable. At least there's some comedic value there. During contractions you could start flailing your hands about just like she does when she sings.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 5:06 PM | Report abuse

Since some of the Celebritology regulars sneak over to the other blogs to stir things up, maybe their regulars do the same. So. . . maybe luvlinsey is really Emily.

Posted by: who is luvlinsey? | June 18, 2008 5:12 PM | Report abuse

Alex sez:

"Uh oh.

Bet Emily wants pix of Sasquatch in Speedos."

Lucky for me that I don't have a Speedo. If I wore one, I would break the lens of any camera that tried to take pix of me.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:13 PM | Report abuse

Snarky writes:

"If you think about it, the term "white trash" is just as offensive. It implys that you have to specify that the trash is not the normal color you would expect it to be, doesn't it?"

Time for an advertising campaign:

Sasquatch: The OTHER White Trash.

Posted by: Sasquatch Trash | June 18, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

Who is luvlinsey? muses:

"Since some of the Celebritology regulars sneak over to the other blogs to stir things up, maybe their regulars do the same. So. . . maybe luvlinsey is really Emily."

Doubtful. There is method to luvlinsey's madness. Emily has no artfulness.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:17 PM | Report abuse

To harken back to Geighken day, I saw an interview with the Village People once. They flat out denied ANY gay meaning to YMCA. They said it was just a song about a cheap place to stay in NYC. Which it is.

As for the soda, when I was pregnant (miscarried so no little ep's running around, nor will there ever will be), the doctor told me just be moderate. You don't need the calories, but it won't hurt. Unfortunately, the husband went overboard and took moderate to mean ONE soda A WEEK. There are many reasons he is the ex. That is just one of them.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 5:18 PM | Report abuse

I know a guy who is so funny he once made someone spit rice out of his nose.

Sasquatch, you are his clone!

"spit" "snort" "cough" "tah-dah"

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 5:18 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Cap'n. Making you guys laugh makes my day here at the Satch Cave.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

All the fattys in On Parenting are getting nasty, again.

I had to tell them to carm down.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:31 PM | Report abuse

Jake E Poo, let us know when you find a suitable day on another blog, and we'll let 'em give 'em a Lizard broadside.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:38 PM | Report abuse

Awright! Awright!

Who's the no-goodnik who busted us on the On Parenting blog?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:41 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch - you are a turd.

Posted by: luvlynsey | June 18, 2008 5:42 PM | Report abuse

i think we need to strap the op harpies to a chair and make them listen to celine dion and watch her videos

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 5:46 PM | Report abuse

That's MISTER Turd to you, luvlynsey.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:54 PM | Report abuse

Yo, all you fattys!

Carm down!

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:31 PM

Still laughing to myself.

Posted by: anirak | June 18, 2008 5:55 PM | Report abuse

Melissmac writes:

"i think we need to strap the op harpies to a chair and make them listen to celine dion and watch her videos."

Melissa, I think that what you suggest is one of the techniques used at Gitmo that is outlawed by the Geneva convention.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:57 PM | Report abuse

I have some John Denver tunes you all would love.

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:01 PM | Report abuse

Darn you, Sas. I went over to the BKD on On Parenting. It was like getting sucked into those Brit tabloids.

I did love how everyone was speculating on your "true" identity. Maybe you really do have numerous alter egos?

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 6:02 PM | Report abuse

Spinach pie, anyone?

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:03 PM | Report abuse

Hahaha.

Sasquatch has been tracked back to his lair.

Posted by: Busted | June 18, 2008 6:05 PM | Report abuse

Sas, I usually find you hilarious and I love what you contribute to this blog. Celebritology is a daily must-read for me, for both the pop culture tidbits and the awesome snark. I have to say, though, that today has been really uncomfortable for me. It's monumentally annoying when we're invaded by TTTs/Claymates, and I don't think it's kosher to go to another blog where people are posting in good faith (if not in good spirits) specifically to try to stir things up. Can we return to our regularly-scheduled celebrity snarkfest tomorrow, please?

Posted by: Question... | June 18, 2008 6:06 PM | Report abuse

Chewbacca - You are welcome on the mommie blogs any time. You can sit right next to me.

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:08 PM | Report abuse

Would you stop bashing Celine Dion?? She's donated a song to raise money and here you idiots go on and on about Celine this, Celine that. Leave the woman alone. She's much better that Woriah or Madonna!!
And about Celine showing of her baby afer giving birth... Anyone who has tried for over 7 or 8 years (like Celine) to have a child would think it's a miracle to finally get pregnant. You don't like Celine? Then press the skip button, but no need to use her name to draw big hits to your stupid write-up...

Posted by: John | June 18, 2008 6:08 PM | Report abuse

Have you actually read On Parenting or On Balance? They don't need our help to stir things up, they do that very well on their own. We just like to join in on the fun.

Posted by: to Question... | June 18, 2008 6:10 PM | Report abuse

John, in reference to your first question, I think you can count on the answer being a resounding "no."

Posted by: Wikijen | June 18, 2008 6:10 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, I used to read both of them regularly and stopped because I don't like how nasty and mean-spirited they are. Which is uncomfortably close to what some of the comments here have been today. I'm not trying to be preachy or play hall monitor; I'm just saying that one of the things I like most about Celebritology is that it's free of that stuff (other than that directed at LiLo, of course) and I'd like to see it stay that way. Others can disagree; I'm just raising the point.

Posted by: Question... redux | June 18, 2008 6:16 PM | Report abuse

I think Emily needs to become a Lizard. (In her spare time.)

Posted by: Sas has a new pal | June 18, 2008 6:17 PM | Report abuse

Nah - Don't know enough about pop culture (too busy raising kids and making spinach pie, and going to weight watchers, you know.) But it's fun to drop by and harrass Chewey.

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:19 PM | Report abuse

you know what needs to be used at gitmo, the op blog. now that is torture. sasquatch they have found us so i am retreating to the empress tea room for a few days. i'll be back to snark it up tuesday. ta-ta my dahlings.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 6:19 PM | Report abuse

Question, I'll cogitate about your comment. No defense from me. However, if the posters in today's On Parenting blog had been posting in good spirits, there would have been nothing for me to lampoon. And if it were not for TTTs, there would have been no BKD. And without luvlinsey....hmmmm...okay, I see your point. I'll leave it to each Lizard to determine for themselves whether that is good or bad.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 6:27 PM | Report abuse

Obviously, knowledge of popular culture (or anything else) is not a prerequisite. Feel free to drop by and harangue the hairy one anytime. (Paybacks are he**, aren't they?)

Posted by: to Emily | June 18, 2008 6:28 PM | Report abuse

John writes:

"Would you stop bashing Celine Dion??"

But John, what am I going to do with this 4 foot length of heater hose that I just bought especially for the occasion?

Posted by: Sasquatch the Mechanic | June 18, 2008 6:29 PM | Report abuse

To Emily writes:

"Feel free to drop by and harangue the hairy one anytime."

If that's anything like wrestling the taco, I'm outta here!

Posted by: Sasquatch runs for the door | June 18, 2008 6:30 PM | Report abuse

Alright - so as a newbie, I need some translation. What does TTT and BKD mean.

And Chewey, I saw your post about me being the OP BOTD. Thank you!!!

And please, don't be afraid. I'm not hitting on you or anything. For a while there, I thought you were my true love, Dandylion. But I don't think so anymore. My affections lie elsewhere, so you can rest assured that my fat heart does not lust after you. (Unless, of course, you are actually Dandylion). But I don't think you are.

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:34 PM | Report abuse

Sorry, Sas, but you're last up the ladder again (bringing up the rear). We've abandoned you to your well-deserved fate!

Posted by: what are friend for? | June 18, 2008 6:34 PM | Report abuse

Go to the Morning Mix comments. Curmudgeon updated our glossary at about 11:49 (I think). That'll bring you up to speed.

And, no, we don't have lives. . .

Posted by: to Emily | June 18, 2008 6:36 PM | Report abuse

"Sorry, Sas, but you're last up the ladder again (bringing up the rear). We've abandoned you to your well-deserved fate!"

Well, harrumph! And to think I reserved a seat at the table in the Empress Tea Lobby for you......

Hmmm, ya know..the stuckee at the bottom of the ladder is responsible for holding the ladder stable.

Meanwhile, over on OP, they're trying to figure out whether kittens or kids kill more people.

I'm gonna have to ask Byoolin whether I can rent his trebuchet.

Emily, Ms. Snatchquatch would not like you hitting on me. And you don't wanna mess with Ms. Snatchquatch.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 6:40 PM | Report abuse

Thank you. Wow, you guys have your own vocab and everything. I guess I won't take fatty literally anymore.

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:41 PM | Report abuse

Chewey,
I told you. I only love Dandylion. Mrs. Chewey can relax. Really.

Posted by: Emily | June 18, 2008 6:43 PM | Report abuse

Well, I know for a fact I was not included on the reservation list with the "cool kids" at the Empress Tea Lobby to start with, so your threats are baseless.

And I haven't been held stable for years now, so that doesn't much worry me, either.

Posted by: alex is left behind (so to speak) | June 18, 2008 6:48 PM | Report abuse

Fatty is anyone who needs to "carm down", regardless of their physical appearance or dimensions.

Celebritology doesn't have too many wild days, but discussions about Miley Cyrus, Clay Aiken, and Lindsay Lohan (to some extent) have brought in some non-regulars with hilarious results--resulting in Booby Kennedy Days (BKDs). Some of the resulting exchanges led to the development of the glossary, which is updated when especially good terms are "discovered".

Posted by: to Emily | June 18, 2008 6:54 PM | Report abuse

Alex, all you have to do is ask about tea, and you're welcome. All Lizards are welcome at the tea lobby.

If I rent a Cyd Chariise movie, will you think better of me?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 6:56 PM | Report abuse

Your rep is secure.

Definitely rent a Cyd movie--just not Warlords of Atlantis.

Posted by: alex (drinking spiked tea alone) | June 18, 2008 7:08 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch --

Kudos for this comment on the babies-are-NOT-the-best-thing-since-sliced-bread-blog:

"I didn't crawl out of any of your orifices, Anon."

LMAO.

Posted by: dc snark | June 18, 2008 7:13 PM | Report abuse

Alex, I'd rather be watching a Cyd movie than doing what I'm doing: collecting company information, including NAICS, FIPS and DUNS codes for input to a test environment database. No spiked tea for me tonight.

Posted by: Sasquatch Doing His Data Monkey Routine | June 18, 2008 7:13 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, dc snark. I was annoyed that Anon did not post his/her online handle. If you're gonna bust me, bust me to my face (Not *that* kind of bust, Byoolin. I wish.....). I'm a man...errr...cryptid. I can take it. Hell, if I can put up with those drunken hooligans ringing my doorbell and leaving flaming bags of crapola at my cave door every Saturday night, I can take being busted on the blog.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 7:18 PM | Report abuse

No kidding. I'm working on outlays. (No, Sas, it's *not* the same as getting laid.)

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 7:26 PM | Report abuse

Fetchez la vache!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 7:50 PM | Report abuse

Moo!

Posted by: alex arms the cattlepult | June 18, 2008 8:02 PM | Report abuse

BREAKING NEWS

Is Jamie Lynn in Labour?

Quick, over-night ship her a copy of Celine's new CD before it's too late.

Oh, and thank you alex. fire when ready.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 8:22 PM | Report abuse

I'm sure Gordon Brown is delighted to know Jamie Lynn Spears is a member of the Labour Party. The Tories must be devastated!

Seriously, I heard the docs were going to induce labor sometime this week. And that Britney ditched a criminal court date (concerned that pesky driving without a license thing) to go to Louisiana.

Must dash now to try to find a life. (Or a cow for the cattlepult.)

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 8:39 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch,
People who post fightin' words without handles are in the same category as luvlindsay, luvdina, and Scientologists. They have no place in our universe.

Although I do look forward to a future smackdown.

Posted by: dc snark | June 18, 2008 9:29 PM | Report abuse

Free Gas Giveaway - Enter to Win a $ 60 Gas Card!
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Posted by: thoughtful card sender | June 18, 2008 10:44 PM | Report abuse

Omg you guys. I had a crappy day at work today and wasn't checking celebritology in the afternoon...and I can't beLIEVE the hilarity I missed out on. Good work.

Posted by: h3 | June 18, 2008 11:29 PM | Report abuse

I believe Sasquatch has a fan club at OP! Such is his animal (ahem) magnetism. He may have even carmed down some fatties. I regret not checking back until midnight.

Posted by: Angela | June 19, 2008 12:08 AM | Report abuse

I'll bet Celine Dion's kid wasn't even conceived to Celine Dion. Her husband surely must have a large supply of earplugs.

Posted by: £££ | June 19, 2008 12:14 AM | Report abuse

Dear 'thoughtful card sender,' I must respectfully disagree with your assertion that my "friends and family will be impressed with these money-saving, environmentally friendly labels!"

Your labels don't say, "Hey, I'm environmentally friendly." They say, "I am such a cheap b*st*rd that I couldn't even be bothered to spend $3 on a decent card." They say, "When Hallmark's not tacky enough, a tremendously ugly sticker on a used greeting card really gets the job done." They say, "Not only do I *not* wish you a happy birthday or anniversary or want you to get well soon, I'm actually demonstrating my contempt for you while respecting the laws that prohibit me from sending human or animal waste to you in the mail."

Posted by: byoolin | June 19, 2008 8:24 AM | Report abuse

Celine would be happy at the YMCA.

Posted by: Rasputin | June 29, 2008 6:21 PM | Report abuse

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