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Posted at 7:54 AM ET, 06/20/2008

Morning Mix: Baby Girl for Jamie Lynn Spears

By Liz Kelly

Babe Magnet: Will Smith's son, nine-year-old Jaden (second from left), is surrounded by babes at the New York premiere of 'Kit Kittredge: An American Girl.' (AP)

Headlines: Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth to baby girl Maddie Briann... Billy Bob Thornton says he never disparaged Brangelina's relationship... Robert Downey Jr., Shakira on deck for stars on Hollywood Walk of Fame... Paris Hilton says no double wedding for her and BFF Nicole Richie... Oy, Celine Dion, Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Crime Watch: Naomi Campbell pleads guilty to airport police assault.

Rumor Mill: Docs fear Amy Winehouse may have tuberculosis... Kimora Lee Simmons says she's "kind of" engaged to Djimon Hounsou... Christie Brinkley accuses ex of trolling Internet sex sites... Mike Myers pulls diva act backstage at "Late Night"... Tom Cruise, Will Smith and David Beckham sword fight for fun.

Say What?
"I always bare my breasts." -- Keira Knightley shares a bit of insight into her acting technique.

Say Everything: John Cusack takes your questions about his new movie, "War, Inc.," his politics and his career live at 2 p.m. ET.

Note: I'm headed off on a week-long vacation starting now, so no main post today and nada from me until June 30. But check back next week for a new guest blogger each day. -- Liz

By Liz Kelly  | June 20, 2008; 7:54 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Morning Mix: Comedian George Carlin Dies at 71

Comments

I don't believe I've posted first before. I was so overcome with enthusiasm that I didn't even read the Morning Mix yet. More to come . . .

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 8:34 AM | Report abuse

Amy Winehouse has TB? Shocker! Maybe my age (42) is showing, but why is she newsworthy? Is it because she is such a train wreck?

Posted by: More Cowbell | June 20, 2008 8:35 AM | Report abuse

Jamie dear,

did we remember to over-night ship you that fab new labour-intensive CD from Celine Dion? We heard it was just the thing for busy mommies.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 8:42 AM | Report abuse

Also for fun, Katie Holmes, Jada Pinkett, and Victoria Beckham take turns deciding whose husband is nuttier than squirrel poop.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 8:42 AM | Report abuse

Originally, the Hollywood Walk of Fame link was under 'Crime Watch' and it was appropriate. Cheeta doesn't get a star but they're giving one to Mark Burnett? If that doesn't qualify as a crime I don't know what does.

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 8:43 AM | Report abuse

Keira Knightley has breasts?

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 8:43 AM | Report abuse

Keira Knightley will always be on my kitchen pass list.

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Celine Dion looks like a leather Q-tip -- either that or a giant match, ready to light one scary fire.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 8:47 AM | Report abuse

Just to start out the day on the right foot:

http://www.scarlett-johansson-pictures.com/stills/scarlett-johansson-keira-knightley-nude-vanity-fair-cover-big.jpg

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 8:47 AM | Report abuse

Mike Myers did nothing wrong. That's what interns are for. ("Hey, Scott, Doug, Archimedes - whatever your name is - run 50 copies of this for me." is a frequent refrain where I work.)

Posted by: Heidi Ho | June 20, 2008 8:58 AM | Report abuse

"Oy" I understand, but for those of us who took Spanish and German in high school rather than French (or aren't from French speaking Canadian provinces), what question is Liz posing to (or about) Celine Dion?
Merci.

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 9:01 AM | Report abuse

Cruise, Smith and Beckham...sword fighting...must resist making dirty joke.

That aside, I wonder who has the biggest sword.

Posted by: ex cap | June 20, 2008 9:02 AM | Report abuse

It's too early for french...

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Have a good vacation Liz. But you know what happens here if we are left unsupervised.

Isn't TB a disease you get from living in disgusting surroundings. I know she is a mess, but surely she could have hired a maid to dust occassionly.

Thanks for being a role model to young girls everywhere Jamie Lynn. No, no little girl will get pregnant just to get attention like you are getting.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Is that pic of Celine from the packaging for her new line of apres-labour undergarments?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 9:05 AM | Report abuse

And who are those babycakes with Wil Smith's kid?

This is what happens when your mommie is busy blogging with the other MMs at OP/OB.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Was it really necessary to tell us in the photo caption which one was Jaden Smith? Duh.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Ditto about KK being on The List. She always stuns me...in a good way.

Amy Winehouse will be DOA within a year.

Posted by: 232112 | June 20, 2008 9:12 AM | Report abuse

Keira Knightley has breasts?

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 8:43 AM

LOL. Oh it's gonna be a good day in Lizard-dom!

Posted by: dc snark | June 20, 2008 9:15 AM | Report abuse

Was it really necessary to tell us in the photo caption which one was Jaden Smith? Duh.

Posted by: | June 20, 2008 9:07 AM
****
Have you ever seen White Chicks? (Isn't that what that movie was called?) It *could* be a question...

The On Balance blog is calling it quits today and they are having a lovefest over there right now. Ahhh, the mean mommies didn't really mean it when they called each other nasty names (kiss, kiss)...

Of Course Paris doesn't want a double wedding - she wouldn't want to share the spot light on her "special day" - she couldn't even share the spotlight when they did that silly show together.

Have a great vacation Liz!

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Oy, Celine, what is that?

Although I think it can also be interpreted as: Oy, Celine, what the f*%@?!

Posted by: Ahem, translation | June 20, 2008 9:18 AM | Report abuse

Qu'est-ce que c'est = What the eff is that!?!

Posted by: KT | June 20, 2008 9:22 AM | Report abuse

so did i start a whole kitchen pass list theme from the chat yesterday?

nice

kiera in bend it like beckham and love actually definately

though i think daisy fuentes is my kitchen pass since next door nikki isn't a real celebrity.

i'll start posting under the alter ego name 'norm'

and beckham packs his crotch like the kid in 'loosing it' a classic tom cruise movie.

wino has TB, not shocking, though i'd rather her have necrotizing fascitis, thats more fun.

Posted by: Norm | June 20, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

And now I have the Talking Heads stuck in my...head.

Psycho killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fafafafafafafafafafa

Posted by: Ahem, translation | June 20, 2008 9:28 AM | Report abuse

French master Dave Barry translates it as "What is the what that this is?"

Posted by: Qu'est ce que c'est? | June 20, 2008 9:29 AM | Report abuse

So, why do those children have bleached blonde hair?

Posted by: Sully | June 20, 2008 9:30 AM | Report abuse

I really hope the MMs don't start coming over here, yesterday it just got scary.

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 9:31 AM | Report abuse

i bet those bleach blonde girls stuck their dora toothbrush down their throats before that pic was taken

kids like that get issues early and they prob gang banged the afro kid

Posted by: Ralf | June 20, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

Michael,
The On Balance blog is ending today. Leslie Morgan Steiner is moving on. I need a new home. OP is okay, but a little tame for me. I think I'm movin in!!

Where's the welcome mat?

Posted by: Emily | June 20, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

Whoa Ralf I think that's the first time I've been offended by a comment on this blog. What does this mean?

Posted by: dc snark | June 20, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

ralf aka adjective to vomit

girls at an age like that that have expectations to be skinny, blonde, and presentable at all times will lean toward alterior methods to stay thin.

this may include inducing vomiting.
these girls most likely alrady have eating disorders.

sticking a toothbrush handle down throat to induce vomiting is a common method to do this.

and with a kid like that surrounded by girls, they probably got a little frisky. where are those kids hands?

Posted by: ralf | June 20, 2008 9:40 AM | Report abuse

you'll find the welcome mat over at the mighty appetite blog. have fun!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

I'll tell you which of the so called MM are really cool and nice: Irishgirl, Laura, WorkingmomX, atb, MN, Babsy1, and Dandylion (actually, DL is a guy, but we like him anyway). pATRICK is our resident troll, although I have not seen much of him lately. He is good for riling things up. Dandylion reminds me a litte of Sasquatch, but there are clear differences once you get to know him. There are some other cool people too, which I think I am forgetting.

Posted by: Emily | June 20, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

I've never thought about it before, but bleach-blond hair on little girls is just scary.

I love Will Smith, but every picture I see of Jaden just screams "I'm an obnoxious brat".

Posted by: mango | June 20, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

I'm with dc snark, Ralf was pretty offensive, especially the gang bang reference.

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 9:43 AM | Report abuse

AWW, man! Please go find another blog.
I think I'm going on vacation too.

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Word, anon at 9:41.

Posted by: Sully | June 20, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Before I read the caption, I thought another Spears daughter was pregnant.

Oh, and yes, it appears that we have some strange company in the Celebritology blogs these days. I think Ralf may be the source of the term "propper nacked" from BKD.

Posted by: M Street | June 20, 2008 9:45 AM | Report abuse

was it the use of the term gang bang or was it offensive because it was in reference to children?

sorry for being offensive. thats what famous kids do, they get eating disorders and are sexually active at an early age.

ask bonaducci or webster

Posted by: Ralf | June 20, 2008 9:47 AM | Report abuse

I remember MN jumping down my throat a month or so ago... but whatevs. I generally have better things to do than to argue with strangers on the internet. Like snarking on the internet. That's a better thing to do.

Half day for me today, so have a great afternoon / weekend my fellow Lizards! John Cusack is totally on my Kitchen Pass list, but alas, I won't be around to declare my love on the chat.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 20, 2008 9:48 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for putting the topic back on celeb kitchen passes. Cusack could be your sure thing!

Posted by: Norm | June 20, 2008 9:50 AM | Report abuse

All are welcome here if they remember 3 simple rules:

1. No stalking the Lizards. We are celebritologists, we GET why stalking is creepy.

2. No snarking on the Lizards. Snark is reserved for the celebrities.

3. No talking like a TTT. Lizards use speak like adults, grammar, and mostly correct spelling

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 9:52 AM | Report abuse

It's both ralf. Both.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 9:54 AM | Report abuse

Okay #3 should read:

No talking like a TTT. Lizards speak like adults, and mostly use proper grammar and correct spelling.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 9:58 AM | Report abuse

...and if you can use references from obscure movies or authors, even better.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 20, 2008 9:58 AM | Report abuse

Exhibit A of why MM shouldn't be on this blog:

(Post Re: Sex and the City movie)
"...there we were, the two SAHMs in t-shirts and capris. At one point, there was a scene with a "newborn baby." The kid weighed at least 15 pounds, and had sideburns. My friend and I burst out laughing, but we appeared to be the only two people in the entire theater who thought it was funny. It was also amusing that neither of the two children in the movie appeared to be capable of speaking in sentences, even though they were 3 and 5 years old."

Posted by: NewSAHM | June 2, 2008 9:40 AM

Anyone who actually cared/laughed/noticed/posted about the misrepresentation of kids in SATC clearly does not have their priorities straight and is therefore a threat to the celebritology society.

The Prosecution rests. The Defense can call their first witness.

P.S. For the lay-person: SAHM = stay-at-home-mom

Posted by: Prosecution | June 20, 2008 9:59 AM | Report abuse

When did Celine Dion turn into an S&M Nancy Reagan? Did I miss something?

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

As well as the racial slur.

Posted by: offended | June 20, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

Apparently it's also important on this blog to know every performance by Colin Firth, Daniel Craig, and Scarlet Johansson.

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 10:07 AM | Report abuse

Ralf's comments are over the top.

But - I also have concern about those girls in the photo with Will Smith's son. How old are they, 9? 10? They are too young to be coloring their hair and wearing full makeup. Scary.

Posted by: new england | June 20, 2008 10:07 AM | Report abuse

Scarlet Johansson is optional.

Posted by: mango | June 20, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

Tuberculosis is spread by airborne contact, so living in unsanitary conditions alone won't spread it. You're more likely to get it, however, if you live in crowded conditions with poor ventilation (dormitories, shelters, the back rooms of may clubs). And riddling your system with kilos of the finest blow money can buy allows the disease to get a really good hold.
(Info comes from Merck Manual, http://www.merck.com/mmhe/index.html).

Posted by: Bawlmer | June 20, 2008 10:11 AM | Report abuse

FYI....The movie that those girls are in is about "Kit" who is this blond doll (literally - she's an American Girls doll) from the 1930's. I think all the American girls dolls are supposed to be about 12 years old.

Posted by: I heart Cusack | June 20, 2008 10:13 AM | Report abuse

So does anyone have any idea who those random blond girls are with Jaden Smith?

Posted by: Betty | June 20, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse

I think this Mike Myers movie is the first movie I was tired of before it opened in theaters. The dude has been promoting it everywhere. Enough already. Here's hoping for a short run and fast fade into oblivion. And, dear god, no sequels.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

According to IMDB Amy's test was negative. I'm sure she has lots of things, but it turns out TB isn't one of them.

Does Kimora has a promise ring? Is she 17?

Posted by: MGC | June 20, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

put colin firth on my kitchen pass.....smoldering!!!

Posted by: wats | June 20, 2008 10:18 AM | Report abuse

The girls in the photo remind me of the movie Village of the Damned. Some of Kirstie Alley's best work if you ask me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114852/

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 20, 2008 10:19 AM | Report abuse

Not so much Nancy Reagan as she apparently is trying to channel Julie Newmar as Catwoman....

And failing.

Posted by: Anonyandon | June 20, 2008 10:21 AM | Report abuse

I'm getting me a copy of the Merck Manual...particularly if it uses important medical terminology like "the finest blow."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:22 AM | Report abuse

I do not; however, at least they are wearing reasonably conservative clothing (no booty shorts, no boob tubes, no vast swathes of uncovered skin). I wouldn't do the bleached blonde hair, but that's a personal call. And I think it's funny that all three of the girls tower over Jaden. Ah, memories of sixth grade!

Posted by: Bawlmer had trouble finding dates that came above her chin. | June 20, 2008 10:22 AM | Report abuse

What is a "kitchen pass?"

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

I love the comment in the Celine article saying "Kneel before General Zod!"

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Previous post was in reply to Betty; my bad.
And I took the liberty of spicing up Merck for the discerning lizard audience.

Posted by: Bawlmer | June 20, 2008 10:25 AM | Report abuse

What is it with celebs having heads too big for their bodies; LiLo, Celine, Spencer what's-his-face?
To Keira: And we're much the better for it!

Posted by: Stick | June 20, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

Said Jaden to "the babes": "My dad says that if you joined Scientology, you wouldn't be wearing those fugly leggings."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

Christie Brinkley's kid is named Sailor Cook? There go her dreams of being a boat captain.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

No skeleboobs evident in the Celine picture...

Posted by: I heart John Cusack | June 20, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

As well as the racial slur.

Posted by: offended | June 20, 2008 10:05 AM

****

Huh? I scanned back through the comments and I don't see any racial slur. There was one yesterday, but I think we all agree that's inappropriate. Is that what you are talking about anon at 10:05? As well as what?

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

why is will smith's son wearing sunglasses at night? why would his parents allow him to be in a shot that looks like the juvenile version of "the girls next door"?

Posted by: frieda406 | June 20, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

Jaden-- what a (cute) ham! (But I'd be pissed if my little brother one up'd me at my own movie premiere!)

Posted by: sharee | June 20, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

and beckham packs his crotch like the kid in 'loosing it' a classic tom cruise movie.

Posted by: Norm | June 20, 2008 9:28 AM

beckham DOES not pack it. thats all him baby!

my kitchen pass:
beckham, nick adams, brad pitt, michael phelps.

all in speedos.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

"Kitchen pass?" Qu'est-ce que c'est, s'il vous plaît?

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:31 AM | Report abuse

What's this? They're giving a star on the Hollywood walk of Fame to John Stamos but won't give one to Cheeta (i.e., the chimpanzee from the Tarzan movies)???? Cheeta is waaaaayyyy cooler than John Stamos.

Posted by: I heart John Cusack | June 20, 2008 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Prosecution,

I, too, laughed at the "newborn" baby in the SATC movie. That kid was clearly 4 or 5 months old.

Does that make me an MM?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:33 AM | Report abuse

The "Kitchen Pass" is like a Hall Pass, issued by your spouse or s/o to leave the house. Somehow in this universe it was expanded to be the list of the celebs you get a free pass to do the funky wiggle with.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 20, 2008 10:34 AM | Report abuse

check yesterday's post. I'm pretty sure the Celebritology Glossery is there.

Posted by: to £££ | June 20, 2008 10:35 AM | Report abuse

from the Urban Dictionary:
kitchen pass = Getting permission from your wife/girlfriend to go out.

Hey man, did you get a kitchen pass for Friday?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 10:35 AM | Report abuse

who ARE all these people posting here this morning? go away and leave us regular posters in peace to talk about speedos, boyzillians, diane keaton, and luvlinsey!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 10:35 AM | Report abuse

Ah. Thanks RCR.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:36 AM | Report abuse

The difference between Beckham and Lopez (Mario):

Beckham is a lean dude. He's not bulked up, so anything down there would look sufficiently ample.

Lopez's muscles are inflated to unnatural sizes. I think he needs to compensate just to keep everything in proportion.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Considering their cramped living quarters and antiquated ventilation systems it's a wonder that not everyone in the British Isles has TB.

Word, Ralf.

Posted by: Stick | June 20, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

speaking of speedos, is anyone else annoyed that olympic swimmers no longer wear them? not even those cute little hip hugging ones....they're all wearing those total body suits. what's the point? who cares about speed? it's about the SPEEDOS! (non-olympic men, don't try this at home)

Posted by: wats | June 20, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

RCR, I nominate "funky wiggle" for the Celebritology glossary. Unless it's in there already.

Posted by: Bawlmer | June 20, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

my kitchen pass:
beckham, nick adams, brad pitt, michael phelps.

all in speedos.

Posted by: | June 20, 2008 10:30 AM


why have 'em wear speedos?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

I lurk way more than I post, but since we're about to get inundated with posters from another blog, I want to get my handle out there as an original Lizard.

How pitiful is that?

Ralf - it might be a good idea for you to lurk for a while also so you can get an idea of the culture here. That way you'll know what is snarkable and what is not, and what crosses the line over to offensive.

Posted by: m.a.t. | June 20, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

Amy Winehouse's physicians probably found out that those encapsulated lesions in her lungs seen on x-ray were probably condoms filled with heroin that she stuffed in the wrong bodily orifice.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

"Celine Dion looks like a leather Q-tip."

td, that is ... the best.

Posted by: garling | June 20, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

Oh and for those inviting the MMs to go muck up the Mighty Appetite blog, that's not very appropriate. Kim O'Donnell is a good friend of Liz and her blog and her regulars are a wonderful group of folks.

If you're craving mean, go straight to Raw Fisher.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

The racial slur was reffering to Jaden Smith as the "Afro Kid". It is offensive. If you can't remember his name scroll up and get it.

It is in poor taste to also associate adult and criminal behavior with children of such a young age even for a laugh.

The shot itself is a poor choice and I am surprise Jada approved also.

Posted by: Offended2 | June 20, 2008 10:41 AM | Report abuse

I am without an SO at this time, can I have a kitchen pass? Or am I free to do the funky wiggle with any celebrity I come across whether they're on a list or not?

Not that I'll ever come across a celebrity in St. Louis, though I did run into Aaron Eckhart at Maggie Moo's when he was in town filming a movie.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 20, 2008 10:42 AM | Report abuse

I lurk all the time and post using different handles or just anonymously most of the time. Should I pick just one to be accepted as a Lizard?

Posted by: I heart John Cusack | June 20, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

wats,

We'll still have Olympic diving.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

Huh? I scanned back through the comments and I don't see any racial slur. There was one yesterday, but I think we all agree that's inappropriate. Is that what you are talking about anon at 10:05? As well as what?

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 10:28 AM

Implied underage miscegenation: "...they prob gang banged the afro kid"

Posted by: still offended but have already spent too much time obsessing over it | June 20, 2008 10:44 AM | Report abuse

don't really post but i certainly lurk. the MM scare me - i've been pulled in by topics that look interesting on their blogs but totally turned off by their meanness. i hope they don't start hanging out here and ruin it for the rest of us.

also, celine scares me.

Posted by: lurker not a poster | June 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

don't really post but i certainly lurk. the MM scare me - i've been pulled in by topics that look interesting on their blogs but totally turned off by their meanness. i hope they don't start hanging out here and ruin it for the rest of us.

also, celine scares me.

Posted by: lurker not a poster | June 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

Hey Jaden, get a haircut.

I just have a general problem with Will Smith's kids being in movies. Don't ask me why, but Jaden was in at least one of his father's videos, and now two are in movies. I imagine lots of other child-star-wannabes are passed over because Daddy and Mommy are who they are.

(I also have a problem with famous actors doing the voices for animated films. Why did Jada, Will and Angelina have to tbe voices for "Shark Tale" when there are many starving actors who could do the job just fine? But I digress; back to the Smith photo.)

I was about to say that some kids (including my son) have way-blonde hair, but then I looked at the photo again. That's a lotta bleach happening with those girls. I'm seeing "The Real Housewives of Orange County, circa 2025."

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

Kind of engaged. Is that like being a little bit pregnant? Either Djimon is free and I can move to LA to find him or he's getting married, which is it Kimora?

Jaden is cute but that boy needs a haircut. I keep mixing him up with his sister.

"Tom Cruise, Will Smith and David Beckham sword fight for fun." Oh really now. Is that what those crazy kids are calling it these days?

Posted by: petal | June 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

Celine Dion looks like she's channeling a 60s suburban mom who's trying to spice things up at home so Daddy will put down the secretary and come home. In the frame before that pic, she's ripping off her apron.

Racial slur mentioned by a previous poster was up the thread, courtesy of obnoxious new poster ralf.

And I missed the kitchen list discussion, too. My kitchen list has stuff on it like half and half, bananas, yogurt....

Posted by: epony | June 20, 2008 10:45 AM | Report abuse

No, no, no, send the MMs to the Fact Checker, those people are craaaaazy. There's a regular poster, JakeD, he definately needs to be put in his place and who better to do that than a bunch of MMs.

Posted by: Fact Checker | June 20, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

to I heart John Cusack:

Most definitely.

Posted by: dc snark | June 20, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

Any guesses on how long this comments thread is going to go today? I say we'll break 500 by 6 pm. Taking all bets! I've got three Daniel Craig photos on 500 by 6!

Posted by: Bawlmer's grand-daddy was an auctioneer. | June 20, 2008 10:48 AM | Report abuse

The only time I made comment of the week was when I posted using something other than my usual post name. It would not have been as funny if I had posted using my name, since the name was part of the snark.

I say it depends on the size of your ego whether you need a regular handle or not. Just remember that sometimes good snark requires you to set that ego aside.

Unless you're byoolin or sasquatch.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 10:49 AM | Report abuse

The movie Jaden Smith appears in is about Kit Kittredge, an American Girl creation. The character has had her own line of books, toys and clothes for years, now she's got a movie. Kit is a young girl growing up in the Great Depression. She is blonde, but no way does she dress like the pop tarts shown in that photo!

Posted by: new england | June 20, 2008 10:50 AM | Report abuse

I did not read all of the posts so if this has been said I apologize.

But Will Smiths son had better run since he is surrounded by the Village of the Dammed kids.
Very scary little girls made up to look like adults = very bad parenting.

Posted by: DW | June 20, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

jake e. poo, I think you can have a Kitchen Pass list. Seeing as I am recently of the SO-less club I am making my list ahead of time so its handy for the next time I need it.

On that note, my all time Top 5 Kitchen Pass List (in honor of John Cusack Friday):

1. Scarlet johansson
2. Keira Knightley
3. Heidi Klum
4. Kate Beckinsale
5. Rhona Mitra

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

Also, where are Mr. Byo and Mr. 'Squatch? Or have they retreated to their mountain strongholds to wait out the madness?

Posted by: Bawlmer | June 20, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

I love the idea of Shakira getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Because when an earthquake hits, her star will shake way more than the others. (It'd be even better if she could get a star that shakes all the time.)

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

td, those hips don't lie.

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Michael, word on Kate Beckinsale. Yowsah.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

Celine Dion is so thin she needs a camel toe implant.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 10:54 AM | Report abuse

JakeD is obviously a really old guy (he's got to be at least 80 years old)-- see below:

JakeD said:
I have voted for President every 4 years since Truman

His kitchen list probably includes Jessica Tandy, Lillian Gish, Greta Garbo and Diane Keaton.

Posted by: I heart John Cusack | June 20, 2008 10:58 AM | Report abuse

Regular handle is nice because it builds community. Remember it takes a village to snark on celebrities.

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

You could flip Celine Dion upside down with that outfit and hair and use her as a toilet brush.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Also, where are Mr. Byo and Mr. 'Squatch? Or have they retreated to their mountain strongholds to wait out the madness?

Posted by: Bawlmer | June 20, 2008 10:52 AM


i believe they went to get matching boyzillians so that they looked good in their beckham-esque speedos.

Posted by: rolando, tx | June 20, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

td - I was thinking the leather wrapped q-tip myself!

you can get TB from unsanitary conditions, especially if you are living with mice nests, or bats. The bacteria lives in their waste.

NOW - I missed the chat yesterday - but Jo & Slade on Bravo ("Date my Ex") -- dingdingding...that's the alarm going off that indicates your 15 mins are waaay over!

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 20, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

Naomi Campbell "pleaded guilty to four charges . . . assaulting two police officers and one public order offence."

Was she carrying two phones? And was the "public order offence" for something specific or just a general comment on Naomi as a celebrity?

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

I think Sas is on the west coast and usually joins in later.

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

Celine has looked at least twenty years older than she really is for nearly all her life. Must be what her Svengali hubby saw in her.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 20, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

byoo and sasquatch are "sword fighting."

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:05 AM | Report abuse

MoCoSnarky, you testified for the defense that, despite the fact that you are a regular Celebritology poster, you did indeed noticed the unusual size of the baby in SATC. Did your review of the movie include reference to said large baby? If so, did the extent of your review only reference the kids of SATC?

Posted by: Prosecution | June 20, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

I think those blonde stepford girls with Jaden are "The Clique Girls". I only know this from watching Chelsea Lately half-drunk last night.

They recently performed on Today and are very scary indeed: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/25209605#25209605

Posted by: Lurker, never Posted before so be nice | June 20, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

MoCoSnarky, you are entitled to a lawyer before you answer any questions. As your assigned public defender, I must advise you to refrain from answering the Prosecution.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:09 AM | Report abuse

Too many lawyers...

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

i believe they went to get matching boyzillians so that they looked good in their beckham-esque speedos.

Posted by: rolando, tx | June 20, 2008 11:03 AM


will they be the new posterboys for Hanes?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 11:10 AM | Report abuse

Ok - I am establishing my handle. I am a daily lurker and fan. To prove my Celebritology credentials, I submit the following evidence:
1) I know all the regular posters: Byoolin, Sasquatch, epony, jake.e.poo (I grew up in StL!), methinks, etc...
2) My favorite day was BKD,
3) I saw the first luvlinsey post,
4) I know to only use the word describing a small horse with great restraint.

I hope this proves my worthiness to claim membership in the Lizard club.

Posted by: ANM | June 20, 2008 11:11 AM | Report abuse

Ah, yes, thanks ya'll for helping with my confusion. I guess that post was so overall offensive that that I missed that particular part, being more grossed out by the 9 year old gang rape comment.

Kitchen Pass? David Boreanaz!

The good thing about posting with the same handle is that, like byoolin or Sasquatch, we get to know your personality a little bit - we can't do that if you use a different name each time. Otherwise, I doubt anyone cares whether you use the same or different IDs each time.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 11:12 AM | Report abuse

I'm testing my html code links. Don't mind me. Passive aggressive notes

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

Today's update

(see "funky wiggle" at "doing the funky wiggle")

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms

Bagging the viper - vulgar synonym for "knockin' boots" (see below)
Blowback - non-Lizard snark
Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
Boyzillion - the entire area of one's privacies after waxing
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Carm down - a warning that is issued when passions rise too precipitously
Celebuspawn - what comes out when a celebrity foals
Cheetoes - what all B-list celebrity babies, and wannababies, are wearing this season
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
Commando raid - mischief effected by a band of Lizards, sometimes includes a rescue ladder
Contrafribularities - (1) apologies, consolation; (2) congratulations, applause, etc.
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Empress Tea Lobby - the Lizard version of the Algonquin Round Table
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Gecko - Curmudgeon's super secret undercover Lizard alias
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be
Harangue the hairy one - this has something to do with Sasquatch
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is; aka Prince Hairy
Incestupus - (1) the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter, Miley Ray Cyrus, in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread); (2) what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD (see Booby Kennedy Day, above)
Kitchen pass - what a Lizard gets from the so/spouse to indulge in flights of bootylicious fancy about certain celebrity members of the opposite sex (geigh or not)
Knockin' boots - (1) bagging the viper; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians (see above)
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Luvlinsey - doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Mean Mommy (MM) - a regular on the OP and/or OB blog(s)
Merkin - a larger, less refined, second cousin to a tumbleweave (see "tumbleweave" below)
Methinks - the Lizard with the initial pony fixation
Mr Liz - beloved consort of Queen Liz and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie; it is thought that Mr Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Opracity - the extent to which a media figure tries to insert themselves into every aspect of popular culture (e.g., "Paris Hilton, while totally untalented, maintains an Opracity of 96 percent.")
Peep show - what the Thursday Celebritology Chat becomes after an hour of dueling hot links
Photo spread - what Britney and Paris provide onlookers when exiting from an auto
Platicated - what Katie Holmes seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pony - what every Lizard really really really wants (would be a unicorn if it had a horn in the middle of its forehead)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
Snark - clever but keenly disparaging remarks about another organization, custom, or person (especially a celebrity)
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snark tank - where a deserving celebrity is sent to be snarked limb from limb
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Speedos - snarky synonym for male privacies when seen on a beach or around a pool
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
Tumbleweave - an erstwhile hair extension living on its own in the big city; a smaller, more refined, second cousin to a merkin (see "merkin" above)
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles"; (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 11:14 AM | Report abuse

Okay. That didn't work. Let me try byoolin's tinyurl: http://tinyurl.com/2flkun

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 11:14 AM | Report abuse

Welcome ANM! How do you pronounce your name?

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Ooh ... Colin Firth is a good call.

So is John Cusack.

But the top of my list is now and ever will be Russell Crowe.

Posted by: Kate | June 20, 2008 11:15 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, ralf, you have to be a celebrity to use language like that. Although "Afro kid" = a kid with an Afro hairstyle. Unless he's white then it becomes a Jewfro.

Posted by: Stick | June 20, 2008 11:16 AM | Report abuse

Hey Curmudgeon,
In the definition of a "kitchen pass" what if you wrote, "geigh or neigh". (Course then people might think you were talking about SJP or Mr. Ed.)

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

I've been reading this blog too long. the fact that my bar study lecture handout is full of grammatical errors is so distracting I can barely study.

I support Cheetah getting a star on the Walk of Fame.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 11:18 AM | Report abuse

i believe they went to get matching boyzillians so that they looked good in their beckham-esque speedos.

Posted by: rolando, tx | June 20, 2008 11:03 AM

will they be the new posterboys for Hanes?

Posted by: | June 20, 2008 11:10 AM


they still are not going to be on my kitchen pass!

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 11:19 AM | Report abuse

I also submit the following oath of membership:

I, ANM, promise (or at least will try my best) to uphold the legacy of Celebretology establish by our founder Liz Kelly. I vow, in no particular order:
To not use texting lingo when posting;
To be nice to my fellow Lizards, unless the snark is very very funny; then it is ok;
To pass along any celebrity news I hear about to our Liz Kelly;
To appreciate the fine form that is David Beckam (and Scarlett Johanson if I am being honest...);
And I promise to do my best to live up to the expectations of our supreme council (the regular posters: RCR, Byoolin, Sasquatch, methinks, epony, and I know I am missing some but I am nervous!)
This I not-so-solemly swear.

Posted by: ANM | June 20, 2008 11:20 AM | Report abuse

i wonder who's on geigh-ken's kitchen pass?

ruben? simon cowell? travis tritt? byoolin?

Posted by: transylvania | June 20, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

Do Christie Brinkley's kids visit the same salon as Jaden Smith's girl posse?

Having had three kids by three men -- Father's Day must be a logistical nightmare -- Christie really shouldn't be throwing stones about anything.

Granted, Peter Cook's affair with the 18-year-old was a dumb move, but do their kids (and the world) really need to know about Daddy's web habits?

Posted by: td also welcomes anm | June 20, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

ep raises an important issue. The chimp's name is Cheeta, not Cheetah. I feel confident he'd have his star by now if he stayed at that typewriter long enough to bang out the "h" at the end of his name. If we've learned anything from Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, it's that mammals who can't spell make poor role models.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:22 AM | Report abuse

I post sometimes but I've been around since the days of eraserhead guy, wiredog, and pesto girl.

Posted by: Norm | June 20, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

Whoa, whoa, whoa, who stole my name at 11:19?

Posted by: the real michael | June 20, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

TO: Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:18 AM

thanks for the suggestion

accepted and made

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

Jaden Smith isn't in the American Girl movie, Willow Smith is.

Posted by: MGC | June 20, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

michael, I believe it was michael who stole your name.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

Uhh, Christie only has 3 kids by 2 fathers. Her oldest is by Billy Joel, then the youngest too are by Peter Cook. Also, she was married to the fathers at the time she got pregnant. She would have stayed married to the last one, if he hadn't CHEATED on her with the EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD.

The only thing sleazy was her husband between Billy Joel and Peter Cook. She annuled the marriage because he lied to her about how much money he made. Oh yeah, make sure he is rich, baby. Or dumpt him.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

WOW! Yeah! What ever happened to eraserhesd and wiredog?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

My first thought when I saw (regrettably) the pic of Celine Dion was the mother from the Golden Girls. She looks like hell.

Posted by: Ame | June 20, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

I don't know about you all, but just about now I really need byoolin to make the definitive, perfect comment on the Tom / Will / David swordfighting item.

Posted by: td is hopeful byoolin will respond | June 20, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

I post sometimes but I've been around since the days of eraserhead guy, wiredog, and pesto girl.
Posted by: Norm | June 20, 2008 11:23 AM

What happened to them? Were they pulled into a swirling vortex of anti-celebritology or did they change their names or what? I think I've been posting for over a year and I've never seen those names.

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

i believe they went to get matching boyzillians so that they looked good in their beckham-esque speedos.

Posted by: rolando, tx | June 20, 2008 11:03 AM


yummy!

Posted by: the real michael | June 20, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

"Tom Cruise, Will Smith and David Beckham sword fight for fun."

I think back in the day they called that being on the 'DL'.

Posted by: jes | June 20, 2008 11:27 AM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, hon, thanks for your concern in re: my whereabouts. A pilot project in my department at the Financial Services Company For Which I Work gives me alternate Fridays off ("woohoo!" as the kids say) so I slept in and took the car for an oil ("awl," as the locals say) change.

It's a beautiful sunny day here in the Tri-State area and I'll be heading back out soon, but I had to get my fix here.

On to bidniss: Possum gets my vote for Comment O' The Day for that "S&M Nancy Reagan" crack. Well done! (Runner up: £££ for "camel toe implant.")

MoCo, if your your remark about setting ego aside "[u]nless you're byoolin or sasquatch" is meant to suggest that I have an ego, I must challenge it. Why [he said boastfully], I am [cue trumpets] the Most Humble Person I Know!

Three cheers for the Keira Knightley Method of acting! Even if she did steal it from actors as diverse as the early '80s versions of Phoebe Cates and Alyssa Milano. [moment of silence]

That picture of Will, Becks & Von Stauffenberg looks like a publicity still for "The Gay Musketeers,' doesn't it?

About that picture in the Daily Mail article of Amy Winehouse: maybe the cause of her illness is that she's apparently tried to graft a dead person's hand onto her own arm.

"Naomi Campbell pleads guilty to airport police assault..." and pre-pleads to another in advance, just to save the Court's time.

Posted by: byoolin is off to pick up the car. | June 20, 2008 11:28 AM | Report abuse

so i just wahnt to thank u all for not being mean to linsey today. i think every1 is realising that she's a great acetress and roll model for people everywherre!

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 20, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

"Tom Cruise, Will Smith and David Beckham sword fight for fun."

sorry, but that is sooooo geigh.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Wow, things are getting a little too formal around here, no?

ANM, welcome - sounds like you are going to fit right in there (hehe, that sounds dirty, doesn't it?)

Stick - My question is this: if it's offensive, at least to some one, to refer to a black kid with an afro as "afro kid," then wouldn't it also be offensive to use the term "jewfro"? I think my confusion on this point may be due to the fact that I know several white kids that have afro style hair and are not jewish. I also think that is why the term "afro kid" did not jump out as a racial slur - it could so easily refer to white kids with big hair too

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

What a lovely pledge from ANM. Welcome!

Posted by: byoolin is flattered to be on geigh-ken's kitchen pass, but... | June 20, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

We're really not worthy of byoolin.
*bowing down before the master*

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:30 AM | Report abuse

I hated all the SATC kid scenes. SATC did not do kids or motherhood very well. So, I came in with low expectations.

I often laugh at how non-reality TV shows and most movies portray the "newborn baby."

Then again, I'm of the firm and unimpeachable opinion that the best. newborn. baby. ever. was "Eraserhead."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 11:31 AM | Report abuse

Thanks, ep. Christie's kids confuse me (obvs!). I thought Alexa (Billy Joel), Jack (Richard Taubman, adopted by Peter Cook) and Sailor (Cook). Though as long as Christie can keep track, that's all that matters, I guess.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 11:32 AM | Report abuse

sunnydaze, is it ok if I use the term white-fro to describe what my hair does on particularly humid days?

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Then again, I'm of the firm and unimpeachable opinion that the best. newborn. baby. ever. was "Eraserhead."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 11:31 AM

**********

Absotively, posilutely.

Posted by: byoolin | June 20, 2008 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Oh, a kitchen pass. Sweet.

Henry Simmons
Chris Evans
Jet Li
Edward Norton (I don't know why but I've recently found him to be very attractive)
Benjamin Bratt

Posted by: petal | June 20, 2008 11:34 AM | Report abuse

luvlinsey shows up one minute after byoolin drops in. Coincidence?

Posted by: yellojkt | June 20, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

petal, you have eclectic kitchen passes.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:36 AM | Report abuse

Coincidence, I think not, yellojkt. You may singlehandedly have solved the greatest mystery in the history of Celebritology...the identity of luvlinsey!

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:38 AM | Report abuse

michael, I believe it was michael who stole your name.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:25 AM

Ha! We have three micheal's in our immediate family, so we have to call them things like tall uncle mike, and funny uncle mike and my favorite, "my michael" since all the women folk call their men michael and not mike...

And, Dorkus, as far as I am concerned, you can call it an afro. My point really was that calling the hair an afro is not offensive, that is what the hair is called. I think it's calling the kid an "afro kid" that offended the other folks, although I respectfully disagree that that is offensive either since as I said above, many white folks can have afro hair styles. Ok, I am done with this topic now!

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

Oh yeah, Colin Firth

Why does Celine's head look so big on her body? She looks like a lollipop in a rubber suit. That outfit is nasty.

As for Cruise and his pals and wives, who cares? I'm always stunned with people need that level of publicity and attention. Something warped there. But then, Cruise et al gives us something to mock and allow us to feel superior despite not having their wealth.

Posted by: mata hari | June 20, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

Maybe Beckham doesn't pack it, but this article suggests Armani airbrushes it:

http://tinyurl.com/3wg979

:-(

Posted by: Turq | June 20, 2008 11:39 AM | Report abuse

yellojkt -- I noticed the same thing, too. I think luvlinsey is a dummy that sits on byoolin's knee with byoolin's hand shoved up his rectum. It explains the poor typing and the simultaneous reappearance of the two.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:40 AM | Report abuse

I guess the "Uptown Girl" didn't like "Download Boy."

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

wouldn't that make byoolin type poorly rather than luvlinsey?

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

Maybe I was drinking a glass of water.

Posted by: byoolin | June 20, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

I was going to clarify that byoolin's hand is shoved up the dummy's rectum, not his own. But I think I will allow the comment to remain unedited.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:42 AM | Report abuse

...and to think I gave you that £ sign.

Posted by: byoolin | June 20, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

I was going to clarify that byoolin's hand is shoved up the dummy's rectum, not his own. But I think I will allow the comment to remain unedited.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:42 AM

*********************

what byoolin does on his day off is his own business...

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 11:44 AM | Report abuse

I'm watching Showbiz Tonight on CNN Headline News right now, and their big story is that Pamela Anderson's mother said that she wishes her daughter were gay. Don't we all?

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:46 AM | Report abuse

Petal, I'm with you on the Edward Norton thing. It's not so much that's he's outright sexy, more that I want him to be my boyfriend. Now Clooney, on the other hand, strikes me as lovely to look at, and possibly fun to hang around with, but there is something not quite sexual about him. Like he's best looked at and not touched.

Imagine the pile of hair covered wax strips after a Sasquatch yetzillion. Eeewww.

And as regulars go, it's ep, not so much moi, who can lay claim to regular contributor status. Sorry for any confusion the name may cause. Maybe I need to change it again. It's not quite me.

Posted by: epony | June 20, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

You did provide me with handle, byoolin. Before you I was just LLL. I didn't say I don't love ya. I just think sitting might be uncomfortable for you at times, what with the hand placement and all.

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!! The famous regulars have mentioned me...I am so excited! Now I feel like I really belong.

Oh and, if you were to try to pronounce my handle, try saying Adam with a mouthfull of carckers, or a bad bad cold. However, I will note my real name is not Adam, and I am a girl, and I sort of randomly picked initials of people I like to make it..sooo, really unclever on that one.

Posted by: ANM | June 20, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

I seem to have an evil twin here today, which I don't understand since I am far from being even remotely witty in my posts. I may have to go into hiding to find another name for myself.

epony, I remember when you were just e. Keep the new name.

Posted by: really michael, really | June 20, 2008 11:55 AM | Report abuse

Whew! I thought Byoolin and Squatch were in the May Bar (whatever that is) where you supposedly pick up TB from bats. I have many friends that are bats, and am deeply offended at the suggestion they pass on TB. Sleeping with a bat in your house is no worse than having a pigeon poo in your salad.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

£££ gets my vote for best Celine caption here with the idea of turning her upside down and using her as a toilet brush.

Yet I also like this comment posted in response to the article itself: "And the long-waisted shall rule the world!"

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 11:58 AM | Report abuse

epony:

1. you post enough to qualify as a regular. I should post less between now and July 29.

2. Don't change your name. It's the only way we can legally get a certain word in here.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 11:58 AM | Report abuse

I thought epony was a very clever name since you were able to combine both your initial with "what every Lizard really really really wants (would be a unicorn if it had a horn in the middle of its forehead.)"

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 11:59 AM | Report abuse

what byoolin does on his day off is his own business...

Posted by: michael | June 20, 2008 11:44 AM

i thought he and sasquatch were getting boyzillians?

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

High noon was not me. There's a big clue to how you can tell.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

Maybe Beckham doesn't pack it, but this article suggests Armani airbrushes it:

http://tinyurl.com/3wg979

Posted by: Turq | June 20, 2008 11:39 AM

i dont believe it.

Posted by: the real michael | June 20, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Imagine the pile of hair covered wax strips after a Sasquatch yetzillion. Eeewww.

Posted by: epony | June 20, 2008 11:47 AM

thanks. i'm trying to eat lunch.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Whew! I thought Byoolin and Squatch were in the May Bar (whatever that is)

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 11:57 AM

were they meeting up with geigh-ken or the three swordsman (smith, cruise, beckham)?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 12:08 PM | Report abuse

John Cusack would be on my kitchen pass list, maybe I should ask him about that in the chat?

Right now #1 & #2 on that list would be Jon Bon Jovi & Roger Clyne, the rest changes but Cusack is usually in the top 5.

It's a shame it's not gonna be an audio chat because he could read the phone book & I'd listen.

Af for this little tidbit:
Tom Cruise, Will Smith and David Beckham sword fight for fun.

Uh....that's not who I wanna see "sword fighting", see #1 & #2 on my Kitchen List.

So, since Liz is gonna be gone for a week should we just continue to post here or what? We could post the Celebritology News for her while she's gone!!

Posted by: Bored @ work | June 20, 2008 12:10 PM | Report abuse

I was just wondering if the detrius of a Sasquatch yetzillion might be reclaimed as merkins for the less fortunate (read C-listers).

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 12:11 PM | Report abuse

Sunnydaze, I have no idea. Back in tha day we called it a Jewis afro; my brother had one and he's not jewish. I heard the contracted version from Kinky Friedman.

Posted by: Stick | June 20, 2008 12:11 PM | Report abuse

Imagine the pile of hair covered wax strips after a Sasquatch yetzillion. Eeewww.

Posted by: epony | June 20, 2008 11:47 AM


I'd hate to be the associate who had to clean that up. Also, please don't change the name Liz might not lift the ban again anytime soon.

Posted by: petal | June 20, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

thanks. i'm trying to eat lunch.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 12:04 PM
---------------

HEY! That was not me! Do we have a troll?

Posted by: td, the real one | June 20, 2008 12:18 PM | Report abuse

£££,

If Pam Anderson were gay, she'd probably try hooking up with Amy Winehouse. So clearly, that's not the answer.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

yes, there is a troll in here today.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 12:19 PM | Report abuse

I don't care what anyone says, I love you guys!

I agree that Clooney has no sex appeal, what is the deal with that? Maybe when he was on Roseanne when I was 6. I mean, he was chosen as sexiest man alive, twice! But these are the same people who voted in Slater from saved by the bell. Wtf?

I hope not to offend anyone with my expletive :)

Posted by: Tdot | June 20, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

My Kitchen Pass List:

1 Shakira
2 Kate Winslet
3 Salma Hayek
4 Katherine Heigl
5 Johnny Depp

Posted by: omni | June 20, 2008 12:26 PM | Report abuse

George is geigh

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

I hope not to offend anyone with my expletive :)

Posted by: Tdot | June 20, 2008 12:26 PM

What f**king expletive?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 12:30 PM | Report abuse

I was away working for awhile - but on the "regular handle" discussion....I wanted to be "Groovis Maximus" - but is that too much like "Dorkus Maximus?"

Posted by: I heart John Cusack | June 20, 2008 12:36 PM | Report abuse

Jaden Smith isn't in the American Girl movie, Willow Smith is.

Posted by: MGC | June 20, 2008 11:25 AM

Thank you -- someone finally cleared THAT up.

And I lost some respect for Johnny C. with that stupid MoveOn.org TV ad. MoveOn fills people's heads with half-truths. I guess that's what politics is all about...

Posted by: WDC 21113 | June 20, 2008 12:37 PM | Report abuse

And I lost some respect for Johnny C. with that stupid MoveOn.org TV ad. MoveOn fills people's heads with half-truths. I guess that's what politics is all about...

Its either half-truths or outright lies. Take your pick

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 12:40 PM | Report abuse

I mostly lurk, but am changing my name from HH to fruitfly. The threat of an influx from OB is making me feel a little nervous and territorial!

TB: Uh, wasn't there a nasty video posted here not a month ago, of Ms. Winehouse with those baby mice?

TC Swordfight: See Top Gun thread from, what was it, Wednesday?

Phoebe Cates: byoolin, do the angels sing when you think about her getting out of the pool in Fast Times? That's enough to stoke a girl crush, for sure.

Kitchen Pass: petal, Ed Norton is a good one! He's on mine too!

Posted by: fruitfly | June 20, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

I feel ya, WDC21113, but I still (heart) Grosse Point Blank.

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

I heart John Cusack, go ahead and use the name. I'm only doing this to avoid the troll today.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for sharing, Dorkus.

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 12:54 PM | Report abuse

It's like a set of twins just joined the snarkfest. Meet the Maximii!

Posted by: epony | June 20, 2008 12:59 PM | Report abuse

fruitfly, not only do the angels sing when I think about Mrs. Kevin Kline getting out of the pool in Fast Times, they sing when I read questions about her getting out of the pool in Fast Times.

Posted by: byoolin hears 'em now... | June 20, 2008 1:03 PM | Report abuse

It's like a set of twins just joined the snarkfest. Meet the Maximii!

Posted by: epony | June 20, 2008 12:59 PM

*******************************

So should I keep the name, only if it's OK with Groovis.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

RE: "I just have a general problem with Will Smith's kids being in movies. Don't ask me why, but Jaden was in at least one of his father's videos, and now two are in movies. I imagine lots of other child-star-wannabes are passed over because Daddy and Mommy are who they are."

No doubt Jaden and other Hollywood offspring reap the benefits of nepotism, but Jaden was actually very natural and quite good when he starred opposite his Dad in The Pursuit of Happyness.

RE: "Three cheers for the Keira Knightley Method of acting! Even if she did steal it from actors as diverse as the early '80s versions of Phoebe Cates and Alyssa Milano."

Alyssa Milano was born in 1972, so I'm guessing any breast baring SHE did was in the 90s.

Posted by: Stella | June 20, 2008 1:08 PM | Report abuse

Laaaaaaaaaaaaah!

So, this isn't really related to anything, but the Phoebe Cates/Alyssa Milano remark made me think of it. A couple of years ago, a friend and I rented "Nightmare on Elm Street", "Friday the 13th", and "Jason vs. Freddie" and watched them all at once. I would highly recommend this -- Johnny Depp! Kevin Bacon! (in hilarious super-short cutoffs!) Gratuitous nudity! Adrenaline! -- except that the scariest things in the last movie were the implants. What did they do to that girl?!?!?!? We need to go back.

Posted by: fuitfly | June 20, 2008 1:12 PM | Report abuse

Alyssa Milano was born in 1972, so I'm guessing any breast baring SHE did was in the 90s.

Posted by: Stella | June 20, 2008 1:08 PM

******

Fair point, Stella. The voices of the Catesian angels must have had me confused.

Posted by: byoolin | June 20, 2008 1:13 PM | Report abuse

TB: Uh, wasn't there a nasty video posted here not a month ago, of Ms. Winehouse with those baby mice?
Posted by: fruitfly | June 20, 2008 12:41 PM


Exactly, Fruitfly! That's why I was guessing hantavirus yesterday (incubation period of 1-6 weeks). Coughing up blood belies my diagnosis; hantavirus cough is dry and, ahem, unproductive.

Posted by: Eeeeewwww | June 20, 2008 1:29 PM | Report abuse

Man, it is really raining here and is very, very depressing. Good thing I have my "Remains of the Day" lunchbox. Otherwise the day would just suck.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Ah Dorkus, shall we conquer ridiculous, spandex-wearing, Scientology-following, IQ challenged (or intellegere minimus) celebrities everywhere?

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:33 PM | Report abuse

Groovis, nothing can stop the Maximii twins. Might I suggest the motto: Sicco cruor vel pizza (Out for pizza or blood).

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

Ah Dorkus, shall we conquer ridiculous, spandex-wearing, Scientology-following, IQ challenged (or intellegere minimus) celebrities everywhere?

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:33 PM

wait are you insulting my kitchen pass no.1 beckham?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 1:38 PM | Report abuse

"Qu'est-ce que c'est?"

"What?"

"What is this?"

"Un grenouille. Un grenouille en caoutchouc."

"What?"

"A frog. A thin rubber frog."

(*shifty eyes* Ok, so maybe I saw Spamalot a few too many times. I'm going to blame it on the friend who filled in as Sir Robin while Clay Aiken was in rehearsals.)

Posted by: MB | June 20, 2008 1:41 PM | Report abuse

Anon @ 1:38 what is the insulting part? Is it the ridiculous, the spandex-wearing, Scientology following, or the IQ challenged part?

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:46 PM | Report abuse

Man, it is really raining here and is very, very depressing. Good thing I have my "Remains of the Day" lunchbox. Otherwise the day would just suck.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 1:30 PM

possum! The exact circumstances under which I whip the "My Dinner with Andre" playset out of its hidey-hole in my desk!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus - I love the motto. Somehow, it reminds me of drinking milkshakes.

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Anon @ 1:38 what is the insulting part? Is it the ridiculous, the spandex-wearing, Scientology following, or the IQ challenged part?

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:46 PM

i dunno, just the general overall tone felt like you were the PERFECT beckham. seriously, have you SEEN those pix?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 1:53 PM | Report abuse

Back to today's headline for a moment: we'll likely be seeing photos of little Maddie Briann for a while, then she'll disappear because she won't fit the cute celebrity baby profile. Any predictions as to how long before she is back in the tabloids for engaging in trainwreck behavior like her momma and aunt before her?

Posted by: new england | June 20, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

Milkshakes? Do I even want to know....

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

dunno, just the general overall tone felt like you were the PERFECT beckham. seriously, have you SEEN those pix?

Posted by: | June 20, 2008 1:53 PM

hey anon - did you check out that link of nick adams someone posted yesterday?

Posted by: danny | June 20, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

My milkshake brings all the boys to yard!

Posted by: random musical tourettes from tl, mosly lurker, occasional commenter | June 20, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

All good scientologists know that when the Helatrobus return to conquer earth they will be brandishing swords. Thanks goodness Tom, Will, and Becks will be ready to save the day!!!

Posted by: mango | June 20, 2008 2:11 PM | Report abuse

No, no - like "I drink your milkshake!" from "There Will be Blood."

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Helatrobus? I thought you could get from DC to New York City for $5 on one of those.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 2:25 PM | Report abuse

Got it, can't believe I missed that.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 2:26 PM | Report abuse

By the way - the John Cusack discussion is going really slowly. I'm not hearting him so much right now......

He says:
"There is a long traition of namind and ridiculing and shamuing and calling the villains what they are."

I would love to see a villain Shamued.

Posted by: G.M. | June 20, 2008 2:31 PM | Report abuse

Hey, back to fencing!
I hope Cruise & co. don't make it even less cool than it already is, because it is an awesome, fun fun fun workout. We go to a club with our kids. It's cool to have them riposting instead of sitting in front of the TV snarking. This may be the first thing in a long time that Tom Cruise does that I officially approve of.

Posted by: husband could use a yetizilian | June 20, 2008 2:32 PM | Report abuse

John Cusack is writing dissertations which might account for the slowness of the "chat".

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 2:38 PM | Report abuse

G.M. writes: I would love to see a villain Shamued.

Excellent but what exactly would that mean? Hmmmm. I'll leave it to our more experienced Lizards to define.

Posted by: dc snark | June 20, 2008 2:38 PM | Report abuse

I'm so confused. Who are these people? What is going on today?

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 2:39 PM | Report abuse

Not sure dc snark, but there is this:

George Carlin in his comic routine about seven dirty words explains how amusing it would be to exchange some socially acceptable words with some in that list. One of the examples he picks is to replace the word kill with the word f*ck and therefore comes up with "Shamu the 'f*cker' Whale".

Posted by: omni | June 20, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

To alex: Which people and what are you referring to?

Posted by: lizard #435385 | June 20, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

Wasn't there a Michael Jackson song where he said "Shamu." I always wondered if he was talking about (or maybe to) the whale.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 2:43 PM | Report abuse

Omni, I just spit out Coke all over my keyboard. Woot!

Posted by: dc snark | June 20, 2008 2:44 PM | Report abuse

"Shamu-ed"? Like having a whale fall on him or her at Sea World?

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 2:46 PM | Report abuse

Getting Shamued, I just have this image of an Orca whale landing on some guy's head a la Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

After reading some of the John Cusack chat and becoming drowsy, I pose this question for those who have JC on their kitchen list:

Is his hot(t)ness like Beckham's? Cuz his chat needs some kind of intervention, stat. He seems to love the run-on sentence.

I miss our regular Friday list.

Posted by: dc snark | June 20, 2008 2:51 PM | Report abuse

Well, sunnydaze, there's "Bad" in which MJ sings "sha-mon" or "jah-mo" or something like that. And then there's the song he did that's on the soundtrack for "Free Willy," a movie about whales.

Man, that John Cusack chat is D-U-L-L. Talk about long-winded -- it's like a live discussion version of that "Lions and Lambs" talking-head political movie that tanked (hee, whale, tank). Zzzzzzz.

Posted by: td | June 20, 2008 2:52 PM | Report abuse

At first I was gonna say I would rather be Shamued by a Killer Whale than the Carlin variety, then I remembered Shamu is female. I think I could live with shame of Bestiality. I'd have a really rough time living if I was dead.

Posted by: omni | June 20, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

My favourite example of the Carlin Word-Replacement is when he substitutes "f*ck" for "kill" in a western movie:

"Okay, Sheriff, I'm a-gonna f*ck you now, but I'm a-gonna f*ck you _slow_, see?"

Posted by: byoolin | June 20, 2008 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Celebrities with causes, whatever they are, do tend to be dull. I want them to entertain, not proselytize. Honestly, it's why I read Celebritology for the Brit Watch rather than listen to Viggo Mortensen's political musings on Charlie Rose. Zzzzzz.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 3:07 PM | Report abuse

"favourite"

This is how we know it's the real byoolin--he's sorey he had to step away from the hoose to put some rubbish in the bin (or is it the skip?).

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus and Groovis, heard from your friend Biggus lately? Last I heard, he was in the San Fernando Valley, challenging Ron Jeremy to a fencing match.

Posted by: Bawlmer is NOT named "Incontinentia". | June 20, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

For Bawlmer:

Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

Ohmygaaawwwddd....just when you think you can't possibly love John Cusack anymore, he says things like this:

He's the purest extension of the neoconservative ideology.

It's a purposeful, above board, well-documented campaign against the New Deal and Kensian economics. Read Grover Norquist, Bill Kristol and all their ilk. It's in no way a conspiracy. This was the plan.

I've no clue what any of that means, but I can hear him saying it & **Homer drooley noise**

Posted by: Bored @ work | June 20, 2008 3:22 PM | Report abuse

i luv the becham pix! i think he and dina would make a beutiful couple. just have to get rrid of posh! :)

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 20, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

thanks td - It was "Bad" that I was thinking of..."I'm Bad, shamu."

Great cripes but I am so bored today. It's only 3:24 and I am looking for something to do. Everyone's gone, so I can't even wonder around the office and chat inanely with each and every other person here, cuz then I would be talking to myself and since I am so bored, it stands to reason that I can't entertain myself...

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

i luv the becham pix! i think he and dina would make a beutiful couple. just have to get rrid of posh! :)

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 20, 2008 3:23 PM

*****************************************

Why would he want a skanque when he has skeleboobs?

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

Kensian? Keynesian? (John Maynard Keynes?) Dude can't spell.

And, sorry, but I don't even want to try to wade thru the drivel. I'll just look at the pictures.

Posted by: alex has a short attention span | June 20, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

So my new manager just started, and was telling me a story. She said "I was watching a move...oh what was it called...it had that woman..she's that fantastic older actress, she's aged SOOO gracefully...oh, yes, Diane Keaton!"

I had to share this with the only people I knew would understand.

Posted by: Lady Jane | June 20, 2008 3:31 PM | Report abuse

"Your father was a woman?"
"Um...a Roman, sir- OUCH!"

Posted by: Bawlmer | June 20, 2008 3:33 PM | Report abuse

"I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards?"

Posted by: Groovis Maximus | June 20, 2008 3:46 PM | Report abuse

Wome... is your fwiend!

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

sunnydaze, I'm in the same boat. The storm that just rolled through here was a distraction for a little bit. I may be forced to file.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 20, 2008 3:49 PM | Report abuse

i dont understand the hatred of diane keaton. she's an oscar winning actress who is happy with her personality and style.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 3:54 PM | Report abuse

John Cusack came across as an illiterate ego maniac in his chat, and I agree with most of his political leanings. Can you say a 10 line dissertation all bunched into one sentence?
I think he may have just fallen off some lizards kitchen list.
My list:
Jessica Biel
Heidi Klum
And that is all as I am in my 40's and too old to handle more then two women.

Posted by: DW | June 20, 2008 3:55 PM | Report abuse

Today's post has gotten strange.

What's going on here?

Is there axgood case to be made for a Lizard Commando strike?

GET THE RESCUE LADDER AND BEAM ME UP, SCOTTIE!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

wait - who's going commando?
beckham?
i'll definitely be first up the ladder!!!

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 4:01 PM | Report abuse

sunnydaze and jake e. poo, I didn't even have a storm to break up my boredom. Can we just go ahead and start happy hour now?

Posted by: jes | June 20, 2008 4:03 PM | Report abuse

I dunno, methinks.

Maybe it would be better to imagine what's under Beckham's speedo than to actually find out. I mean, you could easily get a load of old sweat socks by checking the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

I agree, DW. It's like Leo DiCaprio telling me to reduce my carbon footprint (which I'm all for, and I do have smallish feet) while he jets around the world with the supermodel du jour. It's just hard for me to take very seriously. I wish they'd just stick to their day jobs.

I think I'm just cranky today. I ate too many cheddar jalapeno Cheetos yesterday and I still feel sick. I have Cheeto remorse. (BTW, no "h" in Cheeto, either.)

A final mystery. Does anyone else find it odd that Sasquatch is MIA just when Liz is going on vacay? Or is he just in hiding from the S&M MMs?

Posted by: alex, too, suffers from a malaise | June 20, 2008 4:17 PM | Report abuse

BREAKING NEWS:

Nations all over the world are clammoring to get Naomi Campbell to visit and have a violent outburst so that she can be arrested and sentanced to community service. There are millions of dollars in savings to taxpayers at stake.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 20, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

And speaking of Leo DiCaprio, does he remind anyone else of SpongeBob SquarePants? He is very . . . blockish. (And he also has a girly voice. So, how *does* he get those supermodel GFs?)

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 4:23 PM | Report abuse

MoCo--Does Naomi actually do any work when she's on her community service gig? She shows up in designer clothes and ridiculous high heels and swans about for the cameras, but does anything get done? (Hey, come to think of it, sounds like some people I know.)

At least Boy George actually picked up some trash (no pun intended).

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 4:27 PM | Report abuse

Completely unrelated: I'd like byoolin to know that thanks to one of his comments yesterday, I'll now be adding "...and I'll put her in it myself if I have to" every time I use the phrase "I swear on my mother's grave".

Posted by: garling | June 20, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

MMs are still lovefesting. But now, they say they might troll our blog instead. Need strategy. Help.

Posted by: Mr. Darcy | June 20, 2008 4:35 PM | Report abuse

Actually, Lilo might prefer a skeleboobs to Becks.
I agree that Sasquatch's and Liz's collective absence is troubling. It's either sister/brother waxing 2 for 1 day, or she's ironing out his pleats.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 4:35 PM | Report abuse

Oh Mr. Darcy, just take your clothes off. Your upper class British family jewels will scare the pansties off the MMs.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

Strategy? Ha!

Tactics . . .

Fetchez la vache!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 4:41 PM | Report abuse

But now, they say they might troll our blog instead. Need strategy. Help.

Posted by: Mr. Darcy | June 20, 2008 4:35 PM

****

Oh, I think that has already started and is responsible for some of the odder posts today. I think they will either eventually blend in, or get tired of our shenanigans and go away. Either way, it'll be ok. I think they are mostly only mean when they are talking about mommy stuff like whether boys are better than girls or whether a flight attendant should have the right to insist that you drug your baby so it doesn't cry - stuff like that. Although, I do admit that Emily chick was a bit scary and the whole S&M thing yesterday was a little much.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

Fetchez la vache!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 4:41 PM

***

hehe - MMMmmooooooo!

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 4:43 PM | Report abuse

Emily is into S&M? Maybe I joined the wrong blog.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

sunnydaze has the cattlepult ready today.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 4:53 PM | Report abuse

Mais non! C'est trebuchet, vrais.

Posted by: Curmudgeonette | June 20, 2008 4:55 PM | Report abuse

Oh Mr. Darcy, just take your clothes off. Your upper class British family jewels will scare the pansties off the MMs.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 4:38 PM

*************

Thank you, possum, for lifting me out of my malaise in time for the weekend.

Posted by: alex sighs and enjoys the visual | June 20, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

You KNOW Emily is loving all the snarking she's induced! It's actually kinda sweet compared the the bile we've been swimming in for 2 years at OB and OP. You're just a bunch of pussy cats.

Posted by: atb | June 20, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

sunnydaze has the cattlepult ready today.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 4:53 PM

***

Honestly, and as an admission against interest in my claim NOT to be a huge nerd, Mr. sunnydaze WAS recently talking about building a catapult - you know for like watermelons and pumpkins and such. We would never, ever think of piling up the mattresses from all the beds and catapulting ourselves....never, I say.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

meow.

And have a nice weekend. I am outta here.

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 20, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

Oh Mr. Darcy, just take your clothes off. Your upper class British family jewels will scare the pansties off the MMs.

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 4:38 PM

i agree, as long as you look like my new fave brit - beckham!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 5:00 PM | Report abuse

re: Mr. Darcy - what does a pretend guy look like "propper nacked"?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 5:01 PM | Report abuse

on topic: OMG those little prostitots should NOT be representing the until now untainted American Girl franchise. Who bleaches a 10yos hair, for chissakes?

Posted by: atb | June 20, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

Nerd! Fabulous, fabulous nerd!

Posted by: Fruitfly | June 20, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

You're just a bunch of pussy cats.

Posted by: atb | June 20, 2008 4:59 PM
*************************************
That's because we only snark on celebrities, and maybe other blogs...but never each other.

All of this talk of Mr. Darcy, I may have to have myself a Jane Austin Weekend. Start with some Persuasion and then maybe some Sense & Sensibility and end it with Pride and Prejudice, the one with the best ever Mr. Darcy of course.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 20, 2008 5:08 PM | Report abuse

sunnydaze sez:
"I think they are mostly only mean when they are talking about mommy stuff like whether boys are better than girls or whether a flight attendant should have the right to insist that you drug your baby so it doesn't cry - stuff like that."

Most days, I insist on being drugged so I don't cry. By Friday afternoon, all the good stuff seems to be wearing off. I either need another dose, need to buckle down and finish up this pile of work on my desk, or just give up and go into full Firth fantasy mode for the weekend. La la la la. . .

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

Prostitots!

Is this glossary-worthy?

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:11 PM | Report abuse

The Ciaran Hinds version of Persuasion?

Posted by: alex to jake e. poo | June 20, 2008 5:15 PM | Report abuse

wait - who's going commando?
beckham?
i'll definitely be first up the ladder!!!

Posted by: methinks | June 20, 2008 4:01 PM *************

That wasn't me salivating over Beckham going commando.

Posted by: The Real Methinks | June 20, 2008 5:28 PM | Report abuse

No, though I've seen it, this is the most recent BBC version, which is just as good, plus the guy who plays Capt. Wentworth is totally hot. It was a box set with the recent BBC version of Sense & Sensibility and Miss Austin Regrets. They were just recently shown on PBS Masterpiece Theatre.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/austen/index.html

Posted by: jake e. poo to alex | June 20, 2008 5:31 PM | Report abuse

I'm watching Showbiz Tonight on CNN Headline News right now, and their big story is that Pamela Anderson's mother said that she wishes her daughter were gay. Don't we all?

Posted by: £££ | June 20, 2008 11:46 AM

As a card-carrying geigh of the female variety, I must strenuously disagree.

Posted by: mouse | June 20, 2008 5:35 PM | Report abuse

"Prostitots" and "drugging the baby" should maybe both be included in the Lizard glossary. Also I noticed I typed "pansties" and have absolutely no idea what I meant. Some form up sensible, body-minimizing (possibly absorbent/nursing) undergarment?
Also is there a "pleat" reference? Liz is so obsessed with them. I think it is code-word for something else, if you know what I mean. Maybe it means "let me see your family jewels, Mr. Darcy."

Posted by: possum | June 20, 2008 5:39 PM | Report abuse

Rupert Penry-Jones is much nicer to look at than Ciaran Hinds, and I did like that Anthony Stewart Head played Anne's father, but I did prefer the overall adaptation of the older version. One day, I'll just have to do a whole Austen immersion.

(And I'll watch the other P&Ps, but the quintessential version is most definitely the Firth.)

Posted by: alex is making sad, furtive weekend plans now | June 20, 2008 5:41 PM | Report abuse

"I post sometimes but I've been around since the days of eraserhead guy, wiredog, and pesto girl."


NORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!

Were you in on Love It, Hate It, Rate It???

It was such fun to razz the late, great Iron Vic Sussman. Every so often I go to his son's web site to peruse some of the old discussions. Ahhh, the days of Amoeba Barf Man....

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 5:43 PM | Report abuse

Maybe this has already been rehashed, but how long are brangelina going to last. For some reason, I think I will have a party when they split. They make me vomit.

Posted by: spring chick | June 20, 2008 5:44 PM | Report abuse

Eraserhead guy. Wow - Is he still around. I remember him from 1998, when I used to frequent Kim O'Donnell's chat on cooking.

Posted by: Spring Chic | June 20, 2008 5:46 PM | Report abuse

"Pantsies" has sort of British ring to me, or maybe I'm just obsessing right now. But it sounds like something that ought to go hand-in-hand (so to speak) with debagging.

mouse, you don't have any connection to Amy Winehouse by any chance?

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:47 PM | Report abuse

"the PERFECT beckham. "


Okay, folks, this seems like a candidate for the Glossary. But someone needs to define it.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 5:52 PM | Report abuse

ooh, it was pansties. I can't even spell it. Kind of like pasties, but lower?

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:52 PM | Report abuse

Perhaps they meant "panties"?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 5:55 PM | Report abuse

Where is 'Mudge?

We have several items up for consideration, including Shamued (sp?) from earlier.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:55 PM | Report abuse

the perfect Beckham?

A six-pack and a brat.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 5:56 PM | Report abuse

Just one comment on the PBS Masterpiece version of Persuasion -- I didn't really like the woman playing Anne. I understand she was not supposed to be as attractive anymore but still -- Captain Wentworth was so hot that I didn't see the chemistry between them. Plus, the end where she's running around like a lunatic, meh. Anyway my two cents! Carry on!

Posted by: jane austen fan | June 20, 2008 5:58 PM | Report abuse

Where is 'Mudge?

We have several items up for consideration, including Shamued (sp?) from earlier.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:55 PM


'mudge, reporting for duty.

I'm not sure about "prostitot". It sounds canned and recycled to me. 'Zards?

The Perfect Beckham, however, is still in the running and awaiting the Perfect definition.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 6:03 PM | Report abuse

Amanda Root (from the old version) was far more plain-looking than Sally Hawkins, but I liked how her character was portrayed. And not that I'm a total stickler for things being exactly like the books, but I just like how the older version, I dunno, hung together.

Posted by: alex was not persuaded | June 20, 2008 6:06 PM | Report abuse

Anon @ 1:38 what is the insulting part? Is it the ridiculous, the spandex-wearing, Scientology following, or the IQ challenged part?

Posted by: Dorkus Maximus | June 20, 2008 1:46 PM

i dunno, just the general overall tone felt like you were the PERFECT beckham. seriously, have you SEEN those pix?

Posted by: | June 20, 2008 1:53 PM

************

I don't think I can help with the "Perfect Beckham" def--I was very confused during this whole exchange. I didn't know who any of the posters were or what the heck they were talking about. I thought I was having one of those nightmares where I had wandered into the wrong classroom.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 6:11 PM | Report abuse

mouse, you don't have any connection to Amy Winehouse by any chance?

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 5:47 PM

I think I'd be more likely to catch TB from her than the other way around.

Posted by: mouse | June 20, 2008 6:16 PM | Report abuse

Folks,

Thanks for your concern, today. I did not do anything as remotely entertaining as getting a Boyzillion, or crossing pork swords with Byoolin (If we had done that, we would have webcast the event as The Dong Show).

I had to be Bawlmer's way (Incontinentia!!! A Greaseman Fan!!!), today to give a presentation....no, not THAT kind of presentation. I told you guys that I don't do Speedos.

Got back to my orifice after spending 3 hours in Friday afternoon I-95 traffic and have spent the last hour reading today's threads. Some excellent threads. The newbies, if they are indeed newbies and not regulars in disguise, show great promise.

I wonder how to interpret £££. As "pound-pound-pound"? As "3 pounds", similar to "3 bags full"? Hmmmmm....Again how do we know that £££ is not a regular in disguise?

Several of the regulars took me close to spit-take territory, particularly with the comments about Celine Dion, and the recommendations to take flamefests to Fisher's blog.

I thought that the Celine picture was her botched attempt at am Emma Peel impersonation. But who would play the John Steed to Celine's Mrs. Peel????

Have the MMs gone away? I didn't want to denigrate the Snark Tank by getting into a flamefest with them.

I think that ANM's Pledge of Allegiance -- slightly modified to eliminate references to any specific Lizards such as me and Byoolin -- should be required of any newbie who wishes to become a Lizard. If I ever get my Round Tuit, ANM's Pledge will be incorporated into the Lizard's Handjob...errrr.... Handbook.

Finally, somebody please let me know when Keira Go Lightly Knightly acquires a set of boobs.

Posted by: Sasquatch is Back in the Building....for a little while | June 20, 2008 6:21 PM | Report abuse

I can't believe you people. What a bunch of morons. Don't you have anything better to do than engage in meaningless banter about loser celebrities like Jamie Lynne Spears? What a bunch of losers you must be.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 20, 2008 6:22 PM | Report abuse

Howdy, Cap'n Curmudgeon. I see you're pulling late duty on the bridge, today.

Prostitot has potential. I'm thinking about the Beyonce Bootielicious line of kids clothing, as well as today's pic of the Paris Hiltons To Be surrounding the Fitty Cent to be. But they're closer to Tweeners than Tots. I can't come up with a good defnition. I'm pretty well burned out.

But I do have one idea that you might like, which is a riff on your idea of yesterday.

Idea coming in next post.

Posted by: Lt-Ensign-whatever-Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 6:25 PM | Report abuse

Thank God, I've been upgraded to loser status just in time for the weekend.

(Chorus of Hallelujah!)

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 6:27 PM | Report abuse

OK - all this talk Beckam - So I got my hair cut like Victoria Beckham. Not on purpose, mind you. I asked for a bob, and the stylist thought I meant like Victoria Beckham. Since when is that considered a haircut? But I'm told it looks cute and trendy. Do people actually like that haircut?

Posted by: spring chic | June 20, 2008 6:27 PM | Report abuse

Cap'n Curmudgeon, was it you yesterday who had the idea of sending a huge fake Trojan lizard over to the Mean Mommie Blog? If so, excellent! However, instead of having Lizards like me and Byoolin inside, we put someone else inside:


GARY COLEMAN


When the Mean Mommies start examining the Trojan Lizard, Gary Coleman pops out and commences the Ultimate Taco Wrestling cage Match with all the Mean Mommies. That should keep 'em busy, perhaps satisfied and happy, for a long time.

What say you?

Posted by: WWE Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 6:29 PM | Report abuse

I can't believe you people. What a bunch of morons. Don't you have anything better to do than engage in meaningless banter about loser celebrities like Jamie Lynne Spears? What a bunch of losers you must be.

Posted by: | June 20, 2008 6:22 PM

------------------

And yet...here YOU are.

Posted by: Welcome Fellow Loser | June 20, 2008 6:30 PM | Report abuse

Spring Chic sez:
"I asked for a bob, and the stylist thought I meant like Victoria Beckham."

Good thing you didn't ask her about Prince Albert.

Posted by: Stylist Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 6:33 PM | Report abuse

This rag has nothing worth reading. Thank God that Steiner woman is gone. She calls herself a journalist? But they also need to fire this Kelly woman, the Garfinkle woman, and that ridiculous woman on the food blog. Where do you fools find the time to engage in this ridiculous waste of time? This paper panders to the lowest denominator possible.

Posted by: Disgusted | June 20, 2008 6:34 PM | Report abuse

"Good thing you didn't ask her about Prince Albert."

Please explain. I'm new here.

Posted by: Spring Chic | June 20, 2008 6:35 PM | Report abuse

Okay, folks, extend your right thumb and right forefinger. Keep them extended, and raise your right hand so that the back of your right hand touches your forehead.

Sing along with me:

"Loozer Lizard
Que est que c'est?
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
Gotta snark-snark-snark-snark-snark all day"

Posted by: Sasquatch Giving the Lizard Salute | June 20, 2008 6:37 PM | Report abuse

The MMs seemed to be suffering from a bit of ennui today themselves. Except for a few small outbursts (and no titillating sexual revelations) things were pretty quiet on the OP front.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 6:41 PM | Report abuse

This bloke decides to throw a party and invites lots of people,
telling them to bring their friends too. On the invitation he puts:
"Fancy dress party - come as a human emotion."

On the night of the party the first guest arrives and he opens the
door to see a bloke covered in green paint with the words N and V
painted on his chest.

"Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" the hosts asks.

"I'm green with envy," the guy answers.

"Brilliant, come on in and have a drink," replies the host.

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door
to see a woman covered in a pink bodystocking with a feather boa
wrapped round her most intimate parts.

"Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" he asks.

"I'm tickled pink."

"I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time and the
host opens the door to see two black Jamaican guys, stark-bollock
naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard and other with
his penis stuck in a pear.

The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you supposed to be?"

The first guy replies (in a strong West Indian accent), "Well, I'm
Effing Disgusted and my friend here has come in despair."

Posted by: Sasquatch deals with Disgusted | June 20, 2008 6:41 PM | Report abuse

Sassy - the Gary Coleman idea is good. But leave the MMs alone for a while. We are mourning the end of one of our blogs. Leslie abandoned us. Sob. So save Gary for some other time. He is pretty darn scary.
So sad. The other day, I saw a rerun of Different Strokes, and the kids were so cute back then. They all ended up in pretty bad shape though. I think Dana Plato died, and Todd what's his name was in jail (is he still)? What Gary doing these days. A few years ago, I saw him on the People Court.

Posted by: Emily | June 20, 2008 6:43 PM | Report abuse

I thought the PA was a piercing (for the other gender)? Mayhap you meant to reference a merkin?

Posted by: alex to sas re spring chic (bypassing disgusted altogether) | June 20, 2008 6:44 PM | Report abuse

Spring Chic, Prince Albert not only refers to Queen Victoria's consort, to a brand of smoking tobacco, and to the current head of the Royal House of Grimaldi, but it also refers to piercing the trouser snake to keep it on a short leash.

Posted by: Sasquatch's piercing logic | June 20, 2008 6:44 PM | Report abuse

http://metrocolumnistsblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/06/gary-coleman-wrestling-a-taco.html

Posted by: More on Gary Coleman and Taco Wrestling | June 20, 2008 6:46 PM | Report abuse

I'm so glad the office is almost empty and relatively few people heard the deranged laughter emanating from my hovel.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 6:47 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, Alex, a Merkin would have been a better reference than a Prince Albert. I was free associating male names: Bob-Albert.....Merkin doesn't seem quite right for a male's first name. There is a Dr. Gabe Mirkin, but betcha donuts to dog turds that he changed the spelling of his surname.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 6:48 PM | Report abuse

Wow, Lizardville has gotten crowded--it wasn't so long ago I would click in and there were 65 posts. I think BKD was the watershed. Lots of anon posters amongst the celebritolizards.

Voting Austen: I really like the older "Persuasion".

Prostitots sounds like a good brand name for whoever makes those disgusting shoes for infants Gene linked to yesterday.

And can we start giving "p*ny" status to *shudder* merkin? Makes me feel queasy just SEEING that word.

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 6:54 PM | Report abuse

Emily, if you're going to hang out with the cool kids, you are going to have to become familiar with IMDB.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004775/

Todd Bridges is not in jail and is still acting.

Posted by: Todd Bridges | June 20, 2008 6:55 PM | Report abuse

Well, I'm with the poster from the other day who wishes they could just purge the def and image from my brain.

I'm used to thinking of it in relation to hillbilly speak for American--I'm a Merkin. Now it just makes me crazy.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 6:57 PM | Report abuse

Prostitot link for those who don't do Gene's updates:

http://www.heelarious.com/pages/heelarious.php

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 6:57 PM | Report abuse

Hmmmmmm...
The PERFECT Beckham.......
Noun. 1. Euphemism for Erica Jong's "Zipless F***", in which a woman has casual sex with a fantasy figure who has sense enough not to spoil the woman's fantasy by opening his friggen mouth....at least not to speak.
2. Fake male enhancement that has particular aesthetic appeal.

Posted by: Defining Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 6:57 PM | Report abuse

Maybe it was you, hermespal. And I second your motion on the forbidden word.

It should join ponies and pleats.

Darn that byoolin, anyway.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 6:59 PM | Report abuse

We have cross-overs from Weingarten here? I'm a lurker on his chats, and at the Gene Pool. And a panty thrower in his direction. I noticed, before he wrote about it, that he can cast the evil eye on celebrities that he mocks. I was going to point it out to him, and he wrote about the next day. And I thought I was being so clever. Sigh.

Posted by: Emily | June 20, 2008 7:01 PM | Report abuse

I think there is debate on #2.

Gym socks for enhancement or airbrushing for aesthetic appeal?

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:03 PM | Report abuse

Proud to be Amerkin? You mean this?

http://www.teamcoyote.net/2008Coyote/images/short_n_portly08/proud_to_be.jpg

And would you believe that there is a female handbag designer named Lauren Merkin who makes -- I kid you not -- Merkin Handbags?

Think I'm kidding?

Go here: http://www.blogonthecusp.com/category/la/

then scroll down.

Posted by: Sasquatch who does not have a designer handbag | June 20, 2008 7:04 PM | Report abuse

Thanks alex. Does a second mean the motion carries or do we not have a quorum?

Emily, Liz produces gene's chats, so I suspect there are a lot of us that do both.
Although I just can't get into the Gene Pool.

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:05 PM | Report abuse

Liz still produces GW's chats, so there is a lot of cross-pollination.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:05 PM | Report abuse

Wow. At the same time, too. Great minds.....;-)

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:06 PM | Report abuse

Alex, I think #2 depends on which is more important: the method of enhancement or the aesthetic appeal.

Speaking of #2, I see that Derek Jeter's colleagues think he's not such hot --it:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/06202008/sports/yankees/player_poll__jeter_overrated_116306.htm

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 7:07 PM | Report abuse

Yes, hermespal and alex. I knew that. Didn't she also produce Hax's chats a while ago? But she doesn't anymore.

I've been lurking on these chats for way too long. I remember Hax's first chat, as a matter of fact.

Posted by: Emily | June 20, 2008 7:07 PM | Report abuse

hermespal, I don't think we have the power to remove it from the glossary or from popular usage. Realistically, we can only stick our fingers in our virtual ears and go "la la la" when it's used in the blog.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:08 PM | Report abuse

Squatch--

I have a friend, die hard yankee fan, who writes and edits a satirical sports website to which I occasionally contribute an article and I'm dying to throw this one at him!

"Players, under condition of anonymity, name Derek Jeter a "no-talent windbag."

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:12 PM | Report abuse

Bummer. I wish I had mental white-out for that little visit to the urban dictionary.

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:15 PM | Report abuse

Yes, Liz got too big for Hax and abandoned her.

I don't remember Hax's first chat, but I do remember the bacon pants and the boobah games.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:15 PM | Report abuse

My theory is that DJ is an FOD.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:17 PM | Report abuse

REALLY? What makes you think he has FOD status?

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:18 PM | Report abuse

Go for it, hermespal. As you may know, in many baseball parks (portions of Fenway and Wrigley excepted) it is difficult or impossible to yell vulgar things at a player. Either there are young ears close by, or the ushers (e.g., Martha Stewart wanna-bes at Nationals Park) get on customers who yell nasty things.

Several years ago I was taking in an O's-Yankees game in Camden Yards. Derek Jeter came to the plate. Because there was a young kid in front of me, I couldn't yell anything close to what I wanted to yell. I knew whatever I said had to be clean...at least on the surface.

So I yelled

JETER!!! You look like Number TWO to me....if you know what I mean.

It went right over the heads of the young kids in front, while at the same time all the adults were roaring. It was one of my better heckling moments.

Posted by: Sasquatch sez YANKEES SUCK | June 20, 2008 7:19 PM | Report abuse

I know the Clooney and Mayer fans will come out of the woodwork to hunt me down, but I think the serial dating thing gets to be a tad suspicious.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:21 PM | Report abuse

Hmmmmm....Clooney being a FoD.....I'll have to ask Clay Geighiken about this the next time I see him-her (depending on the day)at the Empress Tea Lobby.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 20, 2008 7:23 PM | Report abuse

Well, Sasquatch, if you'd yelled that he was an FOD, that would have gone over *everyone's* head.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:23 PM | Report abuse

I don't think Clooney is an FOD. I think he just border on being a jerk sometimes.

Mayer--I dunno. I'd have to ask his good friend, Josh Groban.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:25 PM | Report abuse

Well done, Squatch, although I'm a bit surprised the kids didn't "get it"--or maybe it's no longer the giggle-inducing euphemism amongst youngsters it was in my day. Geez, that makes me feel old.

The Yankees are just...the evil empire to me. I'm not a huge baseball fan (more football and hockey), but they're just eminently dislikable.

The site got linked by Sports Illustrated and NY Daily news the other day for a hilarious story about the Mets and Knicks owner getting married--was a big day hit-wise and a great way to skewer Wilpon. Good times!

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:25 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, I don't like a franchise that acts like they can buy the pennant/win. Too arrogant.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:30 PM | Report abuse

I don't think Clooney is a FOD, but I agree with some of the posters prior that he's oddly un-sexy to me. Wears a tux like no-one's business, seems like a really nice fun guy (that Stein video was a riot), would probably be a blast to hang with, but I'm just not attracted to him that way. Whereas Johnny Depp can sneeze in the next state and my radar perks up. So to speak.

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:31 PM | Report abuse

I still like "a six pack and a brat" to define "The Perfect Beckham".

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 7:38 PM | Report abuse

I think Clooney would be a blast for other guys to hang with, but not necessarily women. (He's not on my kitchen pass list.)

Depp is quirky, different, interesting on a number of levels.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:39 PM | Report abuse

Oh, yeah, and I still think that George Clooney is Cleigh Aiken's next BFF.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 7:39 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon! Thought you were gone for the day.

I think that was a great definition--many-entendred, appropos, and so forth. Personally, I second its inclusion in the glossary.

4:39 on a hot day out here. Avoiding tedious work still to be done.

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:41 PM | Report abuse

Poor Curmudgeon is still hanging on waiting for the "perfect Beckham" definition while we got sidetracked.

Does it matter that he actually has 3 brats? 4 if you count the one he married?

I think I'll let Sas and 'Mudge settle this while I try to finish up some work!

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:42 PM | Report abuse

I wasn't the inventor of the "Trojan Lizard", although I sure wish I were.

That's a real nose squirter!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 7:42 PM | Report abuse

And I'll give my vote up to hermespal since on on eastern time here.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 7:44 PM | Report abuse

Alex, you're probably right that it would require male attendance for the fun hanging out with Clooney, although Stein's wife was there and he was still a laugh riot. I suspect that so long as one (female) doesn't simper at him and is clearly not infatuated, he'd probably be fun. No evidence, just a feeling. I know guys like him.

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:46 PM | Report abuse

What was the plan? build a Trojan Lizard and man it with byoolin and sasquatch and send it over to the MM board? Excellent notion. But we could probably get more creative as to where to send it...

Posted by: hermespal | June 20, 2008 7:49 PM | Report abuse

Do not add prostitot to the dictionary. It is in general usage beyond celebritology. So, it's not "our" word.

However, we do need pleats in there somewhere -- especially since men cannot have them on their pants.


"Drugging the baby" is up for debate.

Posted by: ep | June 20, 2008 8:11 PM | Report abuse

Sadly, the "Trojan Lizard" is out of commission for awhile.

It was sent over to the OP blog filled with assorted Lizard Commandos led by Sasquatch.

The Lizard troops (all of them we think) eventually returned to the Celebritology tree fort a little worse for wear (actually a lot worse for wear). Sasquatch had some bald spots torn into his fine, flowing back and walked around in a daze muttering something about "mean mommies" and "Emily".

The "Trojan Lizard" is being held for ransom by the MMs in an undisclosed location thought to be near Mt Weather.

It's embarassing to have to admit all of this, but in the spirit of Scott MacClellan's testamony today, full disclusure and transparancy are the watch words today.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 8:15 PM | Report abuse

You're right. I Googled "prostitot" and it's all over the place. (Including pix of Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver.) I was just sadly uninformed.

What about Shamued? From this exchange, among others (including some Douglas Adamsesque references):

By the way - the John Cusack discussion is going really slowly. I'm not hearting him so much right now......

He says:
"There is a long traition of namind and ridiculing and shamuing and calling the villains what they are."

I would love to see a villain Shamued.

Posted by: G.M. | June 20, 2008 2:31 PM

******

Also, do we need to add yetzillion (boyzillian for crytids) or will that make Sasquatch too squeamish?

BTW, this finishing-up-work-so-I-can-get-out-of-the-office-for-the-weekend thing isn't going so well.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 8:26 PM | Report abuse

And I agree, Curmudgeon, yesterday was not our shining moment. Definitely no more blogging field trips for Sasquatch--unless he's supervised and wearing a disguise.

Posted by: alex | June 20, 2008 8:31 PM | Report abuse

Alex, I finally had to glue my hands to my intended reading in order to concentrate at work today. Clinical protocols, though a valuable resource, pale next to the three-ring circus that is the Lizard Lounge on Fridays. Fortunately this afternoon I got to stick sharp objects into people in the name of science.
And Squatch, I know not of this "Greaseman". Unless his name is...BWIAN?

Posted by: Bawlmer is not the Messiah, she's a very naughty girl! | June 20, 2008 9:31 PM | Report abuse

Wow, the lights are on late tonight, I see.

As for the ever-expanding glossary, I think yetzillian and byoozillian need to be under (as it were) boyzillian. Yes to shamued, no to prostitots.

How many of us are on now? Did I see Sas on Charles Street today?

Posted by: td is also in baltimore | June 20, 2008 10:07 PM | Report abuse

'Squatch, I believe that one of the two representatives of the Windies in your joke is a fellow who once greeted me with the phrase, "No, it says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, mon, my name is Andy.'"

Posted by: byoolin | June 21, 2008 10:28 AM | Report abuse

The Perfect Beckham, however, is still in the running and awaiting the Perfect definition.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 20, 2008 6:03 PM

def. a little girly man with six pack abs who can 'bend it'.

Posted by: jes has nothing better to do on this beautiful day | June 21, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

I guess today's guest blogger isn't posting in the morning?!

Anyway -- if anyone's home in the Celebritology café -- I had to pass along the news that George Carlin died:
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080623/D91FMOEO0.html

Now how will we know what future words we can't say on television? RIP, Hippy Dippy Weatherman ("Tonight's forecast: DARK!").

Posted by: td wonders who's minding the store | June 23, 2008 9:19 AM | Report abuse

I'm here, td. Sad news today.

RIP George Carlin.

Posted by: m.a.t. | June 23, 2008 9:32 AM | Report abuse

NPR did a short obit for George this morning which included a clip of him describing his preferred epitaph:

Gee, he was here just a minute ago.

Posted by: byoolin | June 23, 2008 9:38 AM | Report abuse

A dozen surfers attacked a smear of paparazzi apparently because they were trying to take pictures of Matthew McConaughey.

Surfer dude money quote: "We'll draw a line in the beach, and we'll fight for the beach. If you guys win, you can have the beach."

http://tinyurl.com/4q6zj3

Posted by: byoolin says, 'Dude! WTF?!?!" | June 23, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

This was the news I woke up to this morning. When Mr. jes mentioned George Carlin I thought he was talking about the Mark Twain Prize for Humor. R.I.P George let us know if there are any words we won't be able to use in the afterlife.

Posted by: jes | June 23, 2008 9:56 AM | Report abuse

I was assured by one Liz Kelly that there would be guest bloggers all week.

What is happening? I am nervous. I rely on celebritology and its comments to get through the day...

Posted by: Sully is rocking back and forth in a fitful state | June 23, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Gee, "Get Smart" made more money last weekend ($39.2 million) than "The Love Guru" ($14 million):

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/23/movies/23box.html?em&ex=1214366400&en=6f31e559b759ce00&ei=5087%0A

Per the NYT: " 'The Love Guru' placed fourth at the weekend box office in a serious embarrassment for Mr. Myers, who had spent years perfecting his new screen character, a love counselor named Pitka, only to be rejected by the critics and audience alike."

HELLO?! Anyone who saw the self-indulgent trailer or who knows Mike Myers' completely inability to edit or stop a joke before it runs on for an embarassing eternity could've seen this one coming.

How desperate were these producers to release the movie in the first place?

Posted by: td loved wayne's world, hated austin powers | June 23, 2008 10:13 AM | Report abuse

I guess we're gonna have to do our own Morning Mix. Here's my contribution.

Amy Winehouse as emphysema
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/23/AR2008062300479.html?hpid=entnews.

Also, as if you needed more of a reason as to way Bill O'Reilly is a d*ck.

http://www.truthdig.com/avbooth/item/20080620_oreilly_highly_agitated_over_gay_seeming_mayo_ad/

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 23, 2008 10:21 AM | Report abuse

OF COURSE "The Love Guru" tanked: people will believe any number of ridiculous things, but the Toronto Maple Leafs becoming winners?

Posted by: byoolin laughed and laughed and laughed when he heard that one. | June 23, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

george carlin was laugh out loud funny. insightful, incisive, brilliant. what a loss. a sad day. byoolin, so glad you posted that epitaph. still funny but now in a poignant way.

Posted by: frieda406 | June 23, 2008 12:05 PM | Report abuse

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