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Posted at 8:00 AM ET, 06/11/2008

Morning Mix: Daniel Craig Injured on 'Bond' Set

By Liz Kelly

Red Hot Chili Pepper Anthony Kiedis is courtside at game three of the 2008 NBA Finals between the Boston Celtics and the L.A. Lakers at Los Angeles's Staples Center. (Getty Images)
Wednesday

Headlines: Daniel Craig injured on set of latest Bond movie... Despite cancer rumors, Paul Newman says he's "doing nicely"... Oscar De La Hoya crossdressing pix turn out to be fakes... Lindsay Lohan leggings to hit store shelves in August... Shia LaBeouf "embarassed" by drinking video... Laila Ali expecting baby boy... "Hills" habitue Brody Jenner lands his own reality show... Gary Busey and "Idol" alum Nikki McKibbin headed to "Celebrity Rehab"... "The View" cuts Bret Michaels off mid-song... Judge says 50 Cent can't sell fire-gutted home... Tonight in mindless television: "Celebrity Circus" (9:30 p.m. ET on NBC).

Crime Watch: Coolio arrested for driving on suspended license... Warren G won't be charged with drug possession... Rapper Numskull (who is included here solely because of his name) charged with 12 felonies.

Rumor Mill: Hulk Hogan's soon-to-be ex Linda, 48, dating 19-year-old... Rep says Madonna is not divorcing husband Guy Ritchie... NBC buys Farrah Fawcett cancer treatment footage for $2 million... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon want wedding loot... Gary Coleman reportedly wrestles taco.

Say What?
"When you get married, you're forced to drink the milk long after it's spoiled." -- Kimora Lee Simmons in the June/July issue of Giant magazine.

"I have a little corner where nobody can hear me in the middle of the night, and that's where I spend most of the nighttimes." -- Coldplay frontman (and Gwyneth Paltrow husband) Chris Martin on how he deals with the spoiled milk?

By Liz Kelly  | June 11, 2008; 8:00 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Morning Mix: Surprise -- Oprah is Top Celeb Power Player

Comments

Oh, thank goodness the UK article had some pictures of Daniel Craig.

erm...What happened, again?

Posted by: con-e | June 11, 2008 8:54 AM | Report abuse

Two comments on the Daniel Craig story:
1. I'm available for any soothing he may need.
2. The Daily Mail has about the worst copy editing I've ever seen. There are multiple sentences in that story (yes, I read the story, I didn't just look at the pictures) that just don't make sense.

Posted by: h3 | June 11, 2008 8:54 AM | Report abuse

That Bond set is cursed. This is probably 3rd or 4th accident involving injury. Although I do not believe there has been unchoregraphed flame.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie are so getting a divorce. When the publicist starts denying it, the next one you hear from is the divorce lawyer.

Posted by: ep | June 11, 2008 9:02 AM | Report abuse

" Hulk Hogan's soon-to-be ex Linda, 48, dating 19-year-old..."

Ewwwwwwww! He went to school with her daughter. EWWWWWWWWWW!!

"Rep says Madonna is not divorcing husband Guy Ritchie..."

I give it another 6 months before they're living in separate residences.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 11, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Did Brody Jenner already have a reality show, one where his stepfather kicked him out and made him get a job.

Posted by: MGC | June 11, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Gary Busey as a counselor....Is that legal?

Shia LaBeouf has too much free time and seriously, he needs new friends.

Prays goes out to Paul Newman because he was seriously HOT back in the day.

Posted by: Lisa1 | June 11, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

Hulk Hogan is dating a woman who look like his daughther...that's eeeeewwwww

Posted by: NYU | June 11, 2008 9:07 AM | Report abuse

Query: How can Gwyneth have the baby that they "owe to humanity" if Chris spends his night somewhere where no one can hear him?

Posted by: sunnydaze | June 11, 2008 9:16 AM | Report abuse

Awwwwwww.

Poor Daniel Craig.

I need to go and blow on it and kiss it to make it all better. ASAP.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 9:17 AM | Report abuse

"Shia LaBeouf "embarassed" by drinking video..."

Dude, if that's the worse you have to be embrassed about at your age, have a little chat with Lindsey Lohan. You'll feel much better about yourself.

Posted by: luvlinsey, not | June 11, 2008 9:18 AM | Report abuse

The whole Hogan family....ewwwwwwwwwwwww

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 9:20 AM | Report abuse

luvlinsey, I hope you're saving up your allowance. I know you'll be the first to buy the Lilo leggings.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 9:34 AM | Report abuse

Numskull: Best. Rapper Name. Ever.

It's a wonder P. Puff Diddy Daddy didn't beat him to it.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 11, 2008 9:40 AM | Report abuse

John Woo says Daniel Craig's injury was due to a non-choreographed owie.

Posted by: M Street | June 11, 2008 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Dang it, the line to nurse Daniel Craig back to health has already started.

I don't know who Nikki McKibbin is and I'm a celebritologist (lizard) as such I do not approve of her admittance to Celeb Rehab.

So Madonna's rep is bascially stating that I shouldn't have hope of seeing any more good Guy Richie movies? I continue to blame Sting.

Posted by: petal | June 11, 2008 9:47 AM | Report abuse

mmmmm....Daniel Craig....mmmmm
Thank you, Liz Kelly.

Posted by: methinks | June 11, 2008 9:48 AM | Report abuse

Hold the phone...Gary Busey is going to Celebrity Rehab??? You mean drugs might have been to blame for his peculiar behavior? Wow. That's a shocker.

Posted by: methinks | June 11, 2008 9:49 AM | Report abuse

Yowza! Those LiLo leggings have knee pads built into them.
I guess that's helpful for nights when you're kneeling in the bushes losin' your liquor or doing other stuff.

Posted by: methinks | June 11, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

Oh, methinks, read again -

"Busey, who claims 13 years of sobriety, is not among the troubled souls on the show--the actor has been hired to help the group members through the recovery process."

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 11, 2008 9:56 AM | Report abuse

sounds like crumudgeon needs those knee-pad leggings when (s)he is blowing on d. craig. woo hoo!

Posted by: Dan the Man | June 11, 2008 9:58 AM | Report abuse

No, Gary Busey is the COUNSELLOR at Celebrity Rehab. Cross him and he'll rip out your endocrine system and make a pack of it.

I can't beleive that no one noticed Tawney Kitaen is also going to be at rehab. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Here she goes down the only road she's ever known....

Posted by: M Street | June 11, 2008 9:59 AM | Report abuse

Oh yeah, Madonna and Guy are already separated. That's what "they are not getting a divorce" means in celebrity-speak. This stuff cracks me up.

And uh, Mariah and Nick - they're like white trash, only they're brown and rich. But you know what I'm saying. It will be highly entertaining watching this one implode.

Posted by: jaybbub | June 11, 2008 10:00 AM | Report abuse

I think Chris Martin is referring to his soundproof panic room, where he goes to escape Gwynnie's ceaseless nattering. Unfortunately, he can't escape the sound of her voice echoing around in his head.

Posted by: Matt | June 11, 2008 10:04 AM | Report abuse

Remember when Anthony Kiedes of the RHCP was edgy, hot and dangerous? When did he turn into the guy who won't stop talking about the car he totally fixed up at the Radio Shack in the Paramus, NJ mall?

Posted by: ex cap | June 11, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

"So Bwet, I wuv 'Wock of Wuv." (I know, too easy.)

According to Wikipedia, Shia LaBeouf turns 22 today. That "news" story seems is a bit contrived to me. I recall an interview a couple years ago when he said that he had such a crazy childhood he'd never be a wild adult like Britney, et al. (Then again I made some strong statements at 20 too.)

Kimora is beneath guilty-pleasure TV. She has zero redeeming value.

Will someone please stop putting Christopher Knight on reality TV shows? "The Surreal Life" was fun but "My Fair Brady" was pretentious and a little scary. Hey, Peter Brady! It's "Time to Change" careers.

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

I can't beleive that no one noticed Tawney Kitaen is also going to be at rehab. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Here she goes down the only road she's ever known....

Posted by: M Street | June 11, 2008 9:59 AM

I thought that road was the one that required knee-padded leggings

Posted by: Office Girl | June 11, 2008 10:05 AM | Report abuse

Celebritology confession: I can no longer look at Anthony Kiedis. The man has always scared and always will scare the poop out of me. The resemblance to Anton Chigurh doesn't help.

Posted by: Anonymous for right now | June 11, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

(Don't read this if you haven't eaten yet.)

So Farrah Fawcett gets $2 million for videotapes her friends made when following her around to anal cancer treatments. What, er, exactly were they taping? I guess when Bobby Brown helped Whitney poop -- and talked about it on the air -- the floodgates just opened. Can "Celebrity BM" be far behind?

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 10:15 AM | Report abuse

Wait until Hulk's son finds out who his mom is dating. I'm sure life in the pokey will be really fun after that news gets out.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 11, 2008 10:16 AM | Report abuse

luvlinsey, I hope you're saving up your allowance. I know you'll be the first to buy the Lilo leggings.

Posted by: | June 11, 2008 9:34 AM

what have i ever done to you ananymous at 9:34? y do u have to be all mean and say mean things to me? me and my friends are going to by the legings bc their cool.

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 11, 2008 10:17 AM | Report abuse

Sorry, luvlinsey, but leggings with kneepads only connotes one thing and it ain't gardening.

Obviously I'm not being mean, if I'm right.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 10:23 AM | Report abuse

Well, since none of you seem to want Anthony Kiedis that just means there's more for ME!

Can't WAIT for the new season of Celeb Rehab. The Busey factor ALONE is making it Must-See TV for me.

Posted by: Bored @ work | June 11, 2008 10:24 AM | Report abuse

"Those LiLo leggings have knee pads built into them." -- Posted by: methinks | June 11, 2008 9:53 AM

***********

...and they're designed to be worn around one's ankles?

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 10:26 AM | Report abuse

It's so weird to see Anthony Keidis wearing anything but tighty-whiteys. I almost didn't recognize him.

Posted by: and for that, byoolin is grateful. | June 11, 2008 10:27 AM | Report abuse

"My reality-TV show helps to shed a bit of light, but even that's glamorized."-Kimora Lee Simmons

Kimora, your reality series is called "Life in the Fab Lane." Did you think they were going to show you scrubbing toilets? Also, you design some of the ugliest clothes I have EVER seen. I'm not sure where you got this reputation as being so "fabulous" but whoever told you that was lying!

Posted by: tl | June 11, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

"Wrestling the taco" sounds like a great euphemism for something Mrs. Hogan might want her new boy toy to do.

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 10:31 AM | Report abuse

In that photo Anthony Kiedis reminds me of Iggy Pop and now I have to give some serious thought to his hot status.

Posted by: petal | June 11, 2008 10:35 AM | Report abuse

"'Wrestling the taco' sounds like a great euphemism for something Mrs. Hogan might want her new boy toy to do." --byoolin

Going, going, gone! Another one over the fence. You kill me. Hilarious!

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

So does this mean Gary Coleman finally lost his virginity?

Posted by: julia | June 11, 2008 10:39 AM | Report abuse

Oh, my bad, re: Celeb Rehab "counselor" Gary Busey. I jumped to the only logical conclusion I could think of.

Posted by: methinks | June 11, 2008 10:42 AM | Report abuse

h3, I saw that you mentioned on Friday that you're seeing R.E.M. tonight - for what it's worth, they were *excellent* in Toronto on Sunday night. Rockin', muscular, tight, lots of stuff they haven't played live in a while (e.g., Seven Chinese Brothers) or at all (e.g., So Fast, So Numb), and kicked butt on the stuff from Accelerate.

It's worth getting there in time to see The National and Modest Mouse open. (I actually thought The National were better than MM.)

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 10:46 AM | Report abuse

Lindsay Lohan leggings to hit store shelves in August... and then to hit clearance bins at your local Big Lots in September.

Posted by: Renee | June 11, 2008 10:47 AM | Report abuse

i wonder if Jake-G and Ricky Martin are gonna by the LiLo leggings.

Posted by: leggings | June 11, 2008 10:50 AM | Report abuse

Point:
"When you get married, you're forced to drink the milk long after it's spoiled." -- Kimora Lee Simmons

Counterpoint:
"Nevermind the &$^^#$%%**@#^ milk. When you get married, you're stuck with that mad cow *forever*." -- Russell Simmons


Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 10:52 AM | Report abuse

No wonder Gwyneth would have to "force herself" to have another baby with Chris Martin.

Posted by: glebe | June 11, 2008 10:55 AM | Report abuse

chris martin's quote does not bode well for gywenth. i also thought she was annoying, but now i have proof!

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 10:57 AM | Report abuse

By-ooo-lin,

"Wrestling the taco" is the next entry into the Unabashed Celebritology Glossary of Terms.

It's soooo, er, um, evocative!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 10:58 AM | Report abuse

Oh Daniel Craig, hows come you never call me?

Anthony Keidis has always been a bit of a butterface. I never understood why women thought anything of him

Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

Does the Lizard Disaster Fund need to chip in for a pair of lilo leggings for Mrs Hogan's new boy toy?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 11:01 AM | Report abuse

i bet ricky martin and jake-g take turns using the leggings, ahahahahhahaa.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 11:02 AM | Report abuse

Oh Daniel Craig, hows come you never call me?
. . .
Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 11:00 AM

This reminds me of a sitcker i saw once that read, "I gave myself to Jesus and now he never calls".

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

I see a future taco wrestling switcheroonie foursome with Madonna/Guy/Chris/Gwen.

Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 11:31 AM | Report abuse

...except Guy will be off making a movie somewhere, and Chris will be in space, where no one can hear you scream.

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse


I see a future taco wrestling switcheroonie foursome with Madonna/Guy/Chris/Gwen.
. . .
Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 11:31 AM

Grody. Thanks for the visualization.

Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 11:37 AM | Report abuse

is so pretty.

Posted by: diane keaton | June 11, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

Check out my new book:

http://www.veryshortlist.com/vsl/daily.cfm/review/474/Book/bill-woods-business/

Posted by: the real diane keaton | June 11, 2008 11:57 AM | Report abuse

Anthony Kiedis - I was just happy he had clothes on. I saw the Naked Cowboy in NYC a couple summers ago and I thought of the RHCPs.

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 11, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

When did Anthony Keidis turn into Iggy Pop? Moreover, why?

Posted by: L8yF8 | June 11, 2008 12:04 PM | Report abuse

Chris Martin only tells people his private room is soundproof, so he can pretend he doesn't hear Gwyneth pounding on the door yelling "Come out of there and make me a baby now! You owe me!"


Gary Coleman and his taco probably make a really cute couple.

Posted by: epony | June 11, 2008 12:06 PM | Report abuse

why are we talking about diane keaton?
we all know how WONDERFUL of an actress she is in addition to her EXCEPTIONAL style. is she the new model of LiLo's leggings or something?

Posted by: huh?? | June 11, 2008 12:09 PM | Report abuse

Where is Liz Kelly and the afternoon post? I just finished the Pet chat and came over here to read the afternoon post, only there ain't none.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 11, 2008 12:13 PM | Report abuse

Hey, if Clay Aiken can have fans, then I think Diane Keaton is allowed one. If she'd ever consider artifically inseminating a friend, she could double her fan base.

Posted by: M Street | June 11, 2008 12:15 PM | Report abuse

Lets just hope the Diane Keaton fan base isn't as psycho as his. Yikes!!!!!

They're still posting over there!

Posted by: Crazy Clay Gaiken Fans | June 11, 2008 12:18 PM | Report abuse

nikki mckibben was on season 1 of idol. she was a single mom/former stripper with a pierced tongue. it makes me sad about myself that i know that.

sign me up to kiss daniel craig's owies, as well....*sigh*

Posted by: wats | June 11, 2008 12:35 PM | Report abuse

owe, the humanity!

Posted by: b | June 11, 2008 12:58 PM | Report abuse

The "Hogan" family really represents dignity, compassion, and family values.

(But I'd seriously like to see them on some sort of celebrity family smackdown with the Chapman family.)

Posted by: rowdy roddy piper | June 11, 2008 1:09 PM | Report abuse

I am loving the LiLo leggings jokes! Keep them coming!

Posted by: marie | June 11, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Okay, Farrah and NBC have crossed so far over the line we can't even SEE the line anymore. Filming an "ordeal" with, of all things, anal cancer? OMG.

byoolin hits another home run! Kimora Lee Simmons, whomever you are, can you say "ingrate"? You were a total nobody who married a music mogul, were you not? That "spoiled milk" made you famous. Apparently she really IS as stupid as she appears to be.

Posted by: Californian | June 11, 2008 1:22 PM | Report abuse

Perhaps Diane Keaton needs to become geigh in order to gain rabid fans like the gaiken.

Posted by: Sanderson | June 11, 2008 1:24 PM | Report abuse

I think the hot seller this season will be the Heather Mills leggings - one is 100% wool and in a colourful pattern resembling a crazy quilt, while the other is 100% man-made fibers.

They're only £24.99 in fine stores everywhere (not including a £60M surcharge to be applied in 3 years).

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 1:26 PM | Report abuse

"Filming an "ordeal" with, of all things, anal cancer? OMG." -- Posted by: Californian | June 11, 2008 1:22 PM

*********

One might say that whoever greenlighted this had his/her head up his/her a**.


Or, one might hope NBC struck similar deals with Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith and are RIGHT NOW editing a "Charlie's A******s" special.

(I know, the Lindbergh baby DIED.)

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 1:30 PM | Report abuse

Do you think that the "spoiled milk" theory could be at the bottom of the Madonna-Guy split rumors?

Has anyone gotten a wiff of either of them lately?

The contrafribularites found in this possibility are definitely cromulent.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 1:32 PM | Report abuse

Ooh, thanks for the R.E.M. review, byoolin - I can't wait!! Anyone else going tonight? Anyone? This'll be my third time seeing them, and frankly they didn't blow me away either of the other times...but I'm still hopeful.

Posted by: h3 | June 11, 2008 1:42 PM | Report abuse

"Wrestling the taco," is a colloquialism from the olden days of matchmaking when Sasquatch and Neanderthals had to hunt mates in much the same manner as hunting other wild game. The male Sasquatch would quietly track his intended mate, ambush her and challenge her to a wrestling match. If the Sasquatch won the wrestling match, the female Snatchsquatch would have to cook for him and clean his cave. If the female Snatchquatch won, the male Sasquatch would have to pledge to take out the garbage very day, as well as take the Sasquatchettes (the bear skin rug rats) to archery and javelin practice. There was little boot knockin', because neither party generally wore boots, boots not having been invented yet.

It is of interest to Paleological Historians that the colloquialisms for mating among Sasquatch and Neanderthals varied by gender. While the males would refer to the mating chase as "Wrestling the taco," the females would refer to the contest as "Bagging the viper."

Posted by: Sasquatch, who is NOT eating Tex-Mex for lunch | June 11, 2008 1:47 PM | Report abuse

h3, I've seen them 4 times - this concert was as good as the time I saw them for free (!) on Yonge Street in Toronto. (I think my saying 'as good as' and not 'better than' stems in part from "free and a 15 minute ride on the 501 streetcar" being preferable to "$90 a ticket + hotel + gas + 6 hr drive + did I mention free??".)

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 1:49 PM | Report abuse

I think the hot seller this season will be the Heather Mills leggings - one is 100% wool and in a colourful pattern resembling a crazy quilt, while the other is 100% man-made fibers.

They're only £24.99 in fine stores everywhere (not including a £60M surcharge to be applied in 3 years).

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 1:26 PM

Great googly-moogly. What would us slacking-at-work types do without byoolin?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Sasquatch,

I'm speechless.

Your exegesis on taco wrestling is superb.

We Slovaks have always suspected that Sasquatches (Sasquatchi?) of old came over our borders and stole our women . . .

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Hmmmm...Daniel Craig. . ."bagging the viper". Oh yes.

Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 1:51 PM | Report abuse

Er, "olden days"?

That explains a few things.

Posted by: byoolin is relieved Sas did not mention 'teabagging the viper.' | June 11, 2008 1:51 PM | Report abuse

And guys, while you're at it, PLEASE be kind to Gary Coleman. That may the closest he gets to real taco wrestling for the rest of his life.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

What the hell, Byool', seeing any music act in Toronto, even if you have to pay, beats seeing 'em in Dallas.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

Be kind to Gary Coleman?

Faugh!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 1:58 PM | Report abuse

Hey! How'd you get the British pound symbol, byoo?

Posted by: LLL | June 11, 2008 2:06 PM | Report abuse

Um, is Liz Kelly OK? And if so, where the hell is the main post?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 2:09 PM | Report abuse

£££, the pound symbol is, on Win XP PCs at least, available in the 'Character Map' application (charmap.exe). The app lets you cut-and-paste it into whatever you're doing.

It's about as elegant as GWB's command of English, really.

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 2:31 PM | Report abuse

byoolin,
a polite way to say that would be that they suffer from "rectal-cranial inversion."

Posted by: b | June 11, 2008 2:33 PM | Report abuse

What the hell, Byool', seeing any music act in Toronto, even if you have to pay, beats seeing 'em in Dallas.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 1:58 PM

**************

Listen to the big ol' hairy fella, folks. If you've got some spare time, why not head up there for the North By Northeast Music Festival (NXNE) that runs from tomorrow through Sunday?
http://www.nxne.com/

Posted by: byoolin pimps his ol' stompin' grounds. | June 11, 2008 2:35 PM | Report abuse

whats "bagging the viper"???
some sort of "intimate" activity that one does while wearing LiLo's leggings?

Posted by: huh? | June 11, 2008 2:38 PM | Report abuse

Everyone is reading the Chris Martin story incorrectly (funny, but incorrect.) The real deal is much more disturbing. Chris is addicted to sleeping pills and his is not using them according to the directions which say to take them and "devote a full 8 hours to sleep." He takes them, gets an idea, enters the sound chamber, works and then passes out. He awakes to find weird scribbled notes he can't remember making.

Gwynneth needs to call the Busey, lest Chris Martin end up on season 4 of Celebrity Rehab.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 11, 2008 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Q: whats "bagging the viper"???

A: It's something very special that Mr. & Mrs. Sasquatch do when on Thursdays or on nights when he's been drinking.


Q: some sort of "intimate" activity that one does while wearing LiLo's leggings?

A: In LiLo's specific case, her leggings are around her ankles, which are behind her ears. (See previous answer for further information.)

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 2:46 PM | Report abuse

A: It's something very special that Mr. & Mrs. Sasquatch do on Thursdays or on nights when he's been drinking.

Posted by: byoolin corrects his Hanglish. | June 11, 2008 2:47 PM | Report abuse

Still no sign of Queen Liz?

Perhaps the Lizards must effect a rescue.
A commando raid may be in order.

With a pack of Lizards going commando, however, I advise that an oath be taken NOT to try for a photo spread.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 2:47 PM | Report abuse

I do *not* want to follow Sasquatch up the rescue ladder.

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

damn, y'all are on a roll today.... snatchsquatch being my very favorite part of this whole thing. The first time my eyes skimmed past it and 'saw' sasquatch, the second time it caught my eye... Well done! Well done indeed.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 2:50 PM | Report abuse

A: It's something very special that Mr. & Mrs. Sasquatch do on Thursdays or on nights when he's been drinking.

Posted by: byoolin corrects his Hanglish. | June 11, 2008 2:47 PM


I think you meant: on Thursdays or on nights when she's been drinking.


Posted by: epony corrects gender specific pronoun | June 11, 2008 2:55 PM | Report abuse

Q: some sort of "intimate" activity that one does while wearing LiLo's leggings?

A: In LiLo's specific case, her leggings are around her ankles, which are behind her ears. (See previous answer for further information.)


Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 2:46 PM

you guys seem to forget that the leggings have knee pads so there's no need for them to be removed.

Posted by: djonas | June 11, 2008 3:02 PM | Report abuse

perhaps Liz is "luvlinsey" and was too upset at all the "hate." that or she got unnerved reading about diane keaton

Posted by: where is liz? | June 11, 2008 3:04 PM | Report abuse

to epony -

I believe that subtle pronoun distinction is very important.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 3:06 PM | Report abuse

So Gwyneth 'owes it to humanity' to have another baby with someone who is addicted to perscription medication? Yeah, 'cause we need more kids growing up in homes where drugs are abused. Thanks Gwynnie.

Posted by: jes | June 11, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

What Lilo? No zippers in the crotch? Or would velcro be better.

Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Byoolin's Q&A:

Q: whats "bagging the viper"???

A: It's something very special that Mr. & Mrs. Sasquatch do when on Thursdays or on nights when he's been drinking.

--------------------------------------------
In Italy it's called "Hiding the salami," among the middle and lower classes. The well-heeled prefer to use the euphemism "Knockin' Ferragamos."

Posted by: Sasquatcharelli | June 11, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

thanks to byoolin and sasquatch my computer is now dripping soda. the tech guys are so going to hate me.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 3:16 PM | Report abuse

"When you get married, you're forced to drink the milk long after it's spoiled." -- Kimora Lee Simmons

I guess her milkshake doesn't bring the boys to the yard anymore.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 11, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

What Lilo? No zippers in the crotch? Or would velcro be better.

Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 3:10 PM

Obviously you didn't put together the mental picture of the velcro with the mental sound of the velcro... ewwww

Posted by: jes | June 11, 2008 3:18 PM | Report abuse

NO ONE follows Sasquatch up the rescue ladder. Sasquatch ALWAYS brings up the rear, so to speak.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

NO ONE follows Sasquatch up the rescue ladder. Sasquatch ALWAYS brings up the rear, so to speak.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:19 PM

Um, I'd like to volunteer to be the look out who stays at the bottom of the ladder.

Posted by: jes | June 11, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Capt. Curmudgeon, I think that the Lizards should defer any plans of a Liz rescue mission. Based on Liz' work ethic, she probably has justification for no afternoon posting. She could be in the midst of a medical or veterinary emergency. She could be laboring away on some crazy plot hatched by Gene, Tom the Butcher and Dave Barry. Or Mister Liz could have taken a day off from work for some serious taco wrestling and viper bagging. For Liz' sake, I hope it's the latter.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

jes sez
"Um, I'd like to volunteer to be the look out who stays at the bottom of the ladder."
---------------------------------------

Pervert.

How that moniker differentiates you from the rest of us, I haven't a clue.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

I think Curmudgeon might need to add to the dictionary because today is full of useful words and phrases.

And I'm not going up the ladder, someone shout down and let me know Liz is alright.

Posted by: petal | June 11, 2008 3:27 PM | Report abuse

To paraphrase Charles Pinkworth (Rowan Atkinson) in 'Bernard and the Genie:'

"That's a good point, epony. That's a fully-fledged bastard of a good point."

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

Mr. 'Quatch,
What time are we gathering at The Empress for an afternoon of friendly chit chat and watercress sandwiches? I have the appropriate attire and do hope that you and Mr. Aiken can make room for me. I promise not to stick my pinkie out.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

I fear she has been kidnapped by rabid Claymates. Can a ransom demand be too far behind?

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 11, 2008 3:29 PM | Report abuse

How has no one commented on Byoolin's "teabagging the viper"?

Just in case people have missed it, I thought it should be pointed out here.

Apparently when left too long, the morning mix crowd can get quite dirty. And fantastic.

Posted by: Har! | June 11, 2008 3:30 PM | Report abuse

Ms Melissa,

Clay and I like to meet around 3:30 p.m. (PDT). I'll alert Danielle that you'll drop by. Will anyone else be coming with you? When you come into the Empress Tea Lobby and Danielle greets you, tell her that you're joining the Aiken-Sasquatch party. Should I have a glass of chardonnay or kir royale waiting for you?

Posted by: Seersucker Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:37 PM | Report abuse

I fear she has been kidnapped by rabid Claymates. Can a ransom demand be too far behind?

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 11, 2008 3:29 PM

***

RCR, have you checked back to the Clay page? A ransom note may already be there, but the question is whether it will make enough sense to be recognizable as such.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

A commando Lizard rescue brigade could be the climactic scene in MI:IV. It'd be boffo at the box office.

Posted by: epony | June 11, 2008 3:39 PM | Report abuse

Dahlings, when it comes to "teabagging", what do you think that Clay does with Jean-Luc, the Fairmont Empress manager, after he finishes having afternoon tea with me?

Have I incited the Claymation Nation?

Posted by: Seersucker Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:40 PM | Report abuse

well, it's been a rough day so i think i'm going to have to go with the kir royale. i think it would be awfully decent of us to extend an invitation to byoolin to attend our aiken-sasquatch-melissa party. and don't forget colin firth, he does have that hat ...
yours in cucumber sandwiches,
audrey-heburn-black-dress-melissa

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 3:41 PM | Report abuse

you all are vile and filthy. and you guys hate on my bff's dina and linsey about their ALLEGED inapprorpriate behavir.

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 11, 2008 3:43 PM | Report abuse

If this comments section was a bar, we would have all been cut off long ago. Its getting quite randy in here what with all the teabagging, hirsute (Sasquatch) up-laddering, and pinkies being stuck out (in?), we've gone way past nsfw.

Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 3:44 PM | Report abuse

"you all are vile and filthy."

Damn proud of it, too.
Remember this, luvlinsey:

We're vile and filthy.
Lindsay and Dina are skanky 'hos.
And we can shower.

Posted by: Smelly Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

I wonder if I could get up-laddered by Daniel Craig???

Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 3:45 PM | Report abuse

DEFINITELY looks like he follows the neck-to-knee/boyzillian philosophy.

Posted by: D.Craig | June 11, 2008 3:47 PM | Report abuse

luvlinsey you get the gold star of the day for stating the obvious. and how can behavior be alleged if e! is so kindly documenting it for us?

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 3:49 PM | Report abuse

jelo asks:

"I wonder if I could get up-laddered by Daniel Craig???"

You'd probably have to taco wrestle Satsuki Mitchell first. I've got the ticket franchise. Byoolin has the DVD franchise.

Posted by: Sasquatch Ticket Office is Now Open | June 11, 2008 3:50 PM | Report abuse

Pervert.

How that moniker differentiates you from the rest of us, I haven't a clue.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 3:26 PM

Aw, you noticed. Does that preclude me from the aforementioned tea? I don't have a hat but I could find an appropriate summer dress with a lovely decolletage.

(can't get the accent over that first e where it belongs)

Posted by: jes has been found out | June 11, 2008 3:51 PM | Report abuse

"Mr. Aiken can make room for me. I promise not to stick my pinkie out."

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 3:29 PM

----------------
To paraphrase Kelly Ripa's one-time retort to C.A., "Honey, I don't know where that pinky has been!"

Curmudgeon, don't forget to add "byoozillian" to the Glossary (see also byoolin, boyzillian).

Last, I too also avoiding any discussion of teabags not involving Messrs. Liption or Tetley. I've had enough visuals to keep me awake nights in my own secret Chris Martin room for a while.

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

"We're vile and filthy.
Lindsay and Dina are skanky 'hos.
And we can shower."

For a minute I thought we'd gone off into Celebritology Haikus until I counted the syllables of line 2. Another time, perhaps?

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 4:00 PM | Report abuse

"décolletage"

(charmap.exe to the rescue!)


Also, the only thing precluded by décolletage is welding. Those little bits of hot metal burn.

Posted by: byoolin sez it's much easier on the Mac. | June 11, 2008 4:01 PM | Report abuse

Jes, you are welcome at the Aiken-Sasquatch table any afternoon. Will you be having a glass of wine, a cocktail, coffee or tea?
Not to worry. Neither tea bags nor tea bagging are allowed in the Empress Tea Lobby.

Posted by: Seersucker Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 4:02 PM | Report abuse

Yikes! I just re-read my 3:58 PM post. No offense, melissamac; just a generic comment, honest! Also, I meant to say "have been avoiding."

Posted by: td needs to clean his contact lenses | June 11, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

td observes:

"For a minute I thought we'd gone off into Celebritology Haikus until I counted the syllables of line 2. Another time, perhaps?"

-----------------------------------------
Okay, making it haiku is easy. We simply 86 "skanky." Voila:

We're vile and filthy.
Lindsay and Dina are hos.
And we can shower.

Posted by: Haiku Sasqatch | June 11, 2008 4:08 PM | Report abuse

Sas, make mine a cocktail!

And byoolin, thanks for the accent and I won't be welding, as I said, no hat for me.

Posted by: jes | June 11, 2008 4:13 PM | Report abuse

td don't even worry about it. i say let the snark reign supreme.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse

What Lilo? No zippers in the crotch? Or would velcro be better.

Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 3:10 PM

**********
who said anything about a crotch as part of the design?

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 11, 2008 4:18 PM | Report abuse


*****************
The "Hogan" family really represents dignity, compassion, and family values.

(But I'd seriously like to see them on some sort of celebrity family smackdown with the Chapman family.)

Posted by: rowdy roddy piper | June 11, 2008 1:09 PM

****
Great idea! or reality TV where they're neighbors, or have competing bailbond operations!

That's a trainwreck I'd watch so you wouldn't have to!

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 11, 2008 4:19 PM | Report abuse

luvlinsey, did you really think you were going to convert us to become Lindsay (note spelling) lovers? Lindsay (note spelling) is a moderately talented crack wh*re actress, even worse singer and if this is what you consider a BFF or role model, you desperately need to find another one. I am telling you this...well not as a friend, but as someone who barely tolerates your presence on this blog, please go away. Find another blog to torture with you half sentences and misspellings. And if you think I am being mean...you are right.

Posted by: why, luvlinsey, why? | June 11, 2008 4:25 PM | Report abuse

or have competing bailbond operations!

This idea needs to be sent to a network pronto.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

What Lilo? No zippers in the crotch? Or would velcro be better.

Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 3:10 PM

**********
who said anything about a crotch as part of the design?

****************
What about a fire crotch?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 4:26 PM | Report abuse

or have competing bailbond operations!

This idea needs to be sent to a network pronto.


Posted by: | June 11, 2008 4:26 PM

That's gonna be a hell of a lot of peroxide.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 4:28 PM | Report abuse

I think that Ms. Liz just found out what really went on went Sasquatch met up with Mr. Liz for mojitos when she was in FL last Friday.

Posted by: day of reckoning | June 11, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

anonylurk is right about the crotch thing - if those lookatlindsay's *had* a crotch, they wouldn't even be leggings, really. They'd be pants. Been there, done that, as the kids say.

And the competing bailbond operations idea is golden! GOLDEN!

Posted by: byoolin | June 11, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

i think this afternoon's postings are a perfect example of why we need an afternoon post from liz (our fearless leader.) see where our minds wonder when we have no direction!? it's like frat boys in heat on this blog.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 4:30 PM | Report abuse

I think that Ms. Liz just found out what really went on when Sasquatch met up with Mr. Liz for mojitos when she was in FL last Friday.

(BTW, has anyone heard from Andy?)

Posted by: day of reckoning | June 11, 2008 4:31 PM | Report abuse

I don't get who thinks he's hot. His face makes me nauseous. If they would actually put an attractive man in the role of Bond, I might actually pay to see one of those movies. I guess I'll keep waiting.

Posted by: Daniel Craig Sucks | June 11, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

Sorry for the duplicate posts. Both my computer and I seem to be cranky and acting up.

Posted by: bad day | June 11, 2008 4:32 PM | Report abuse

For everyone who said unicorns weren't real, guess what!?!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25097986/from/ET/wid/18298287/>1=43001

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 4:34 PM | Report abuse

(BTW, has anyone heard from Andy?)

Posted by: day of reckoning | June 11, 2008 4:31 PM

Andy has been sent to rehab. It was discovered that he is the real luvlinsey (do you realize how hard it is to type with those hairy little paws?). Since it is the celebrity way to run off to rehabe whenever you do anything stupid Andy hs been bundled of to the Chat Lodge. (is that cat in French byoolin?)

Posted by: jes | June 11, 2008 4:36 PM | Report abuse

What is it with all these finger injuries on movie sets? First Tom Hanks and now Daniel Craig. Is there a maniac manicurist on the loose? "Come back here! I've got cuticle scissors and I'm not afraid to use 'em!"

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 4:37 PM | Report abuse

(do you realize how hard it is to type with those hairy little paws?).

explains the bad grammar and spelling.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 11, 2008 4:38 PM | Report abuse

Daniel Craig is H-O-T-T, HOT. (in the TTT vernacular) yur jus jelus.

Posted by: luvdaniel | June 11, 2008 4:39 PM | Report abuse


PARIS (Reuters) - France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy sings of 30 lovers and hard drugs on a new album that she insists was not inspired by her whirlwind romance and marriage to President Nicolas Sarkozy.

. . .

"I am a child despite my 40 years and 30 lovers," Bruni sings in the song "Une Enfant" (A Child). . .

***************************

Just one question. Why can't Laura Bush (or even Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama) be this interesting?

This is the *real* reason we needed a Clinton back in the White House. Good times.

Posted by: monica | June 11, 2008 4:40 PM | Report abuse

I am telling you this...well not as a friend, but as someone who barely tolerates your presence on this blog, please go away. Find another blog to torture with you half sentences and misspellings. And if you think I am being mean...you are right.

Posted by: why, luvlinsey, why? | June 11, 2008 4:25 PM


just so you know i am NOT going anywhere. someone needs to protect adn defends Dina and Linsey. for you to critize them is just hateful. dina is an exellent role model for mothers everywere. she cares about me and the rest of her family. lindsey is an awesome actres and singer and now deziner. i dont care if you dont lik me, but you've maede me mad.

Posted by: luvlindsay | June 11, 2008 4:42 PM | Report abuse

"I think that Ms. Liz just found out what really went on when Sasquatch met up with Mr. Liz for mojitos when she was in FL last Friday."
---------------------------------------
Mr. Liz was making excuses about the house being a mess, so we decided to bag the in-person mojitos and do a virtual meet-up with virtual Patron magaritas at the infamous Guadalahonky's restaurant in Draper, UT. Reports of Mr. Liz getting virtually shizzle-faced and buying one of those rude "I get gas at Guad's" tee shirts are unfounded. But he did like the beans.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 4:44 PM | Report abuse

Attention Filthy Clay Haters:

We have your Liz. If you ever want to see her again, you will do exactly as we say.

Bring the following items to the Washington Monument at 11:59 tonite (no police, we'll be watching):

A basket full of kittens; five rainbows; magical unicorn dust; a sworn statement that all of the horrible things you've been saying about Clay are false and hurtful. (We'll bring our own Jesus, thank you very much, since we don't trust you heathens).

Do as we say and no one gets hurt.

P.S.: Sorry this note is so late, we couldn't find you guys, we've been posting on Monday's message board for two straight days.

Posted by: Feat of Clay | June 11, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Oh, loverly Ms luvlindsay/luvlinsey.....

R U in2 teabagging?

Posted by: Evil Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 4:49 PM | Report abuse

Hot damn, it's getting good. I've made luvlinsey mad. My day just got better.

Posted by: why, luvlinsey, why? | June 11, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

Could this be Andy?

http://www.smh.com.au/ftimages/2007/10/11/1191696063109.html

Posted by: michael | June 9, 2008 5:19 PM

*******************

michael got a shot of Andy the other day sans mojito. He was also in disguise--he had dyed his hair and was *not* wearing his cool shades.

But he's definitely engaged in a suspicious activity. Could very well be luvlinsey. If so, rehab is clearly in order.


Posted by: no, no, no | June 11, 2008 4:52 PM | Report abuse

I don't get who thinks he's hot. His face makes me nauseous. If they would actually put an attractive man in the role of Bond, I might actually pay to see one of those movies. I guess I'll keep waiting.

Posted by: Daniel Craig Sucks | June 11, 2008 4:32 PM


I just knew if I went off to do some work the HATERS would come out of the woodwork!

Shame!

Any sign of Liz?

I say we go up the commando rescue ladder wearing out LiLo leggings to protect our privacies from the inquiring minds of our fellow Lizards (and you know who you are, Byoolin!).

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 4:53 PM | Report abuse

I think LiLo Leggings and "our privacies" should be added to our Celebritology dictionary or whatever we're calling it.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 11, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

to why, luvlinsey, why?:

No, you pissed off luvlindsay--one of the imposters with slightly better spelling capabilities.

Sorry to say, there seem to be several of them (not including byoolin and Andy).

Posted by: accept no substitutions | June 11, 2008 4:57 PM | Report abuse

"Frat Boys in Heat" -- cue trailer:

In a world where there is no afternoon blog posting, two men lead a gang of legging-clad lizards on a hair-razing romp up ladders of mojito-fueled adventure. Don't spoil the milk, but watch your crotch because it's afternoon tea bagging and bagging vipers for this crazy crew!

Rated TTT-18: No texting tweener tw*ts under 18 admitted w/o spell check.

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

So, Sasquatch seems to be denying any responsibilty for the disappearance of Ms. Liz, Mr. Liz, Andy, or Page.

Somebody check the scene for hair.

(I *really* wanted to say, "Bag the hair.")

Posted by: dc:csi | June 11, 2008 5:01 PM | Report abuse

td,

Frat Boyz in Heat -- I'm like totally up-laddering there!

Should it be "Boys" or "Boyz"?

Posted by: Sasquatch Ticket Office is Now Open | June 11, 2008 5:02 PM | Report abuse

Remember this, Feat of Clay: Jesus is not a weapon.

Posted by: lost | June 11, 2008 5:03 PM | Report abuse

Should it be "Boys" or "Boyz"?

Posted by: Sasquatch Ticket Office is Now Open | June 11, 2008 5:02 PM
-----------

I took my cue from melissamac1's 4:30 post, so let her be the final arbiter.

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 5:04 PM | Report abuse

I have to say I love this blog.

Also, we may be in trouble because I've got rainbows but I'll be darned if I can find unicorn dust anywhere and the basket of kittens would cause my allergies to go off but I'm willing to suffer through it to get Liz back.

Who knew the Claymates were so resourceful? Or did they steal that idea from RCR?

Posted by: petal | June 11, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

we all know what james bond can do with his little finger, will he be able to keep doing it after the injury?

Posted by: orsiko | June 11, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

NOT GUILTY, Your Honor!

Posted by: Sasquatch Stand Accused | June 11, 2008 5:05 PM | Report abuse

accept no substitutions, why would you go and ruin my day? Someone was actually mad at me, now I have to go and kick a kitten or push an old lady down the stairs.

Posted by: why, luvlinsey, why? | June 11, 2008 5:06 PM | Report abuse

OK, 'Zards, here's the latest:

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms

Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
Boyzillion -
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
Contrafribularites -
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is
Incestupus -
Knockin' boots - (1) two people having sexual relations; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Luvlinsey - a freak that doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Platicated - what Kate Hudson seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
Snark - to make clever disparaging remarks about another person, organization, or custom
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles" (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 5:08 PM | Report abuse

"push an old lady down the stairs."

You can start with Dina Lohan and Denise Richards.

Posted by: Ooops | June 11, 2008 5:09 PM | Report abuse

i think we're going to have to go with "boyz" just because the frat daddies (oh quick td i came up with a sequel!) wouldn't know how to spell 'boys.'

if we go to france we can find unicorn dust. or maybe, in the essence of time, we should just substitute it for glitter. i think the claymates would be fooled.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon,

You're fab. Maybe we should put the dictionary on a wiki since it's grown in leaps and bounds.

Posted by: petal | June 11, 2008 5:12 PM | Report abuse

Capt Curmudgeon, do you realize that the Glossary has not a single term related to Britney Spears? I'm shocked, shocked, tell you.

Posted by: Sasquatch is appalled | June 11, 2008 5:13 PM | Report abuse

holy crap curmudgeon i bow down to your dictionary skills. that list is one heck of a vocabulary fest, i applaud your abbility to remember all the new words on this blog. ponies for you!

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 5:14 PM | Report abuse

Capt Curmudgeon, do you realize that the Glossary has not a single term related to Britney Spears? I'm shocked, shocked, tell you.

Posted by: Sasquatch is appalled | June 11, 2008 5:13 PM


Well, I thought of that. But then I figured that photo spread and LiLo leggings sort of took care of it. Maybe I need to add some granularity to "photo spread" and give a nod to Ms Brit. (Whoever thought it would be possible to make Kevin look good!)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 5:17 PM | Report abuse

Hmmmm...here's an ideer for a Britney term in the Glossary:

Tuna Taco Belle: Britney Spears' hoo-ha.

Is that how one spells "hoo-ha"?

Should hoo-ha or however it's spelled be part of the Unabashed Glossary?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 5:20 PM | Report abuse

Bravo! FYI: The Platictaed reference was to Katie Holmes, not Kate Hudson.

Boyzillian: Waxing the entire area of one's privacies

Incestupus: Presenting the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daugher and Miley Ray Cyrus in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread)

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 5:21 PM | Report abuse

Mr. Liz: Celebritologist Liz's spouse, and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie. Mr. Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards, or so we think.

Posted by: Yet another Glossary term | June 11, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

You guys make this easy!

Thanks for the input.

We probably need to wait for an actual Britney post so we can get data in real-time.

What think you?

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

I'ma resubmit my incestupus definition from yesterday just because I liked it, and it was posted late.

Incestupus = what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD.

Posted by: epony | June 11, 2008 5:24 PM | Report abuse

I think "propper nacked" could be applied to Brit, too.

Posted by: no panties | June 11, 2008 5:25 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, let's wait for a Britney post and see what develops. [Hint-Hint, Liz] Incestupus definitely needs to be a Glossary term.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

Wait for me!!! I left while we were arranging a genteel afternoon of watercress sandwiches at The Empress, and I came back to - to - um, well I don't know what is going on exactly, but it sounds like trouble. And if there's going to be trouble, I want in!

ps - Byoolin, "Hanglish" totally cracked me up.

Posted by: new england | June 11, 2008 5:27 PM | Report abuse

"Remember this, Feat of Clay: Jesus is not a weapon."

That's right. Jesus alternates as the Nationals catcher with Will Neieves.

Posted by: Natsquatch | June 11, 2008 5:29 PM | Report abuse

"Frat Daddies" -- That tenacious, taco-wrestling team of Frat Boyz are back in a new shibbi snarkfest! When the lizards get pushed down the stairs into a secret boyzillian room, they are attached by a posse of proper nacked skeleboobs. Pack your asbestos britches because the flames are unchoreographed in this platictaed plethora of hirsute hysteria!

Wide Release Date: Booby Kennedy Day 2009

Posted by: td | June 11, 2008 5:31 PM | Report abuse

ok, one more time:

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms

Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
Boyzillion - the entire area of one's privacies after waxing
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
Contrafribularites -
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is
Incestupus - (1) the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter, Miley Ray Cyrus, in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread); (2) what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD (see Booby Kennedy Day, above)
Knockin' boots - (1) two people having sexual relations; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Luvlinsey - a freak that doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Mr Liz - beloved consort of Queen Liz and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie; it is thought that Mr Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards,
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Photo spread - what Britney and Paris provide onlookers when the exit from an auto
Platicated - what Kate Holmes seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
Snark - to make clever disparaging remarks about another person, organization, or custom
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles" (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 5:31 PM | Report abuse

td,

I think that with your promotional skills, Byoolin's screen writing expertise, and Capt Curmudgeon's directorial mastery, this could be the start of a franchise to rival that of Porky's. Do you think that we could persuade Clint Eastwood to star as the grumpy old man?

Watch out, George Lucas!

Posted by: Sasquatch Ticket Office is Now Open | June 11, 2008 5:35 PM | Report abuse

Just think if Quenn Liz could have been here!

'sniff' 'choke'

God, I miss her . . .

GIVE HER BACK, HATERS! OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE LIZARD COMANDERS! (martial music builds in the background)

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 5:39 PM | Report abuse

td i offer you a unicorn dust (really it's glitter but keep that from the claymates) as a token of my appriciation for making my frat-tastic comments so dang cool. you are the awesomest.

curmudgeon i would like to submit for approval "tore up from the floor up" as a way to describe how brit brit has been looking lately. now there is someone who has let themselves go.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 5:40 PM | Report abuse

er, um - I mean COMMANDOS

Posted by: Curmudg blah, blah | June 11, 2008 5:40 PM | Report abuse

You racist bastards are casting a frat-boy sex romp, and you're not even considering one black actor! You're even putting that old cracker Clint Eastwood in it. Outrageous!

Posted by: Spike Lee | June 11, 2008 5:40 PM | Report abuse

Bravo Curmudgen! That is one knarly list of terminologies!

Posted by: hermespal | June 11, 2008 5:41 PM | Report abuse

Spike Lee! Excellent observation!!!

Posted by: td also accepts the unicorn dust gratefully | June 11, 2008 5:45 PM | Report abuse

well spike someone has to give the frat babbies advice on how to "hit that." i offer you dirty harry, no mad was laid more.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 5:48 PM | Report abuse

That's okay, Son. There's always an opening in the cast for the Uppity Homie.

Posted by: Clint Eastwood | June 11, 2008 5:50 PM | Report abuse

td don't tell the claymates you have their unicorn dust, then those punks will demand two baskets of kittens and that is just one basket too many.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 11, 2008 5:52 PM | Report abuse

Oh, one more thing, Son.

Your Knicks tix won't get you into heaven, or my movies, anymore.

Posted by: Clint Eastwood | June 11, 2008 5:52 PM | Report abuse

How about Cheetos? Do they deserve an entry?

Cheetos: what all the A list celebrity babies are wearing.

Posted by: epony | June 11, 2008 5:53 PM | Report abuse

Can you believe that some news guy actually used the term "uppity" on the air when refering to an Africal-American?

I'm shocked, I tell you.

I thought only we women were still uppity.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 5:54 PM | Report abuse

HATERZ!!!!!!!
i'm gonna report u all to the police!

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 11, 2008 5:56 PM | Report abuse

I've got my Knicks tix in a twist.

Posted by: the honorable spike lee | June 11, 2008 5:56 PM | Report abuse

I kid you not I'm going to put that list of terms on a t-shirt and wear it proudly.

Hi-five to td for the most excellent trailers. We need a script, a cast and a director. Neither Spike nor Clint can apply.

Posted by: petal at work entirely too late and still not working | June 11, 2008 5:59 PM | Report abuse

Capt Curmudgeon, it is rare, indeed to meet a curmudgeon of the female gender. I am honored. Feel free to drop by our table at The Empress Tea Lobby, any time.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 6:00 PM | Report abuse

Somehow someone's got to put that Celebritology Dictionary on the Celebritology Facebook group page and I think that Someone should be Ms. Kelly.

Posted by: methinks | June 11, 2008 6:01 PM | Report abuse

Petal -

How about John Woo, the Celebritology's director of the month? He is thusly honored for having an "unchoriographed flame" disrupt his filming.

Posted by: Curmudgoen | June 11, 2008 6:02 PM | Report abuse

How 'bout some more beans, Mister Woo?

Posted by: Mongo | June 11, 2008 6:04 PM | Report abuse

Wow, thanks Prince Hairy.

I feel sooooo Dorothy Parker!

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 11, 2008 6:04 PM | Report abuse

Indeed, Captain. The Round Table Room at the Algonquin is so yesterday. The Lizards need to make their own mark. And the Empress Tea Lobby is as good a place as any. Why, it's almost as classy as the back bench at the Vienna Inn or the Juke Corner at the late, lamented Lorton Bar-J (Now THERE was a Joint!)

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 6:08 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon,

You forgot "ponies" along with the explanation as to why they are banned.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 11, 2008 6:08 PM | Report abuse

And Captain, remember to mention methinks as the Lizard with the initial pony fixation.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 6:10 PM | Report abuse

Curmudgoen,

I second your nomination. Now we just need the cast and script. I guess we've got byoolin for the script, so it's csting time. I say we go with Daniel Craig.

Posted by: petal, yeah I'm still here | June 11, 2008 6:13 PM | Report abuse

MoCo

Dare I ask "why" ponies are banned?

Do I want to know? I don't want to have a spell of the vapours here.

Posted by: Cur | June 11, 2008 6:14 PM | Report abuse

Oops, I missed mongo in the last response.

Posted by: petal | June 11, 2008 6:14 PM | Report abuse

As a working screenwriter, I offer my services to co-write with byoolin.

This must be why Mariah is in need of gifts:

http://etruesports.com/index.php?page=article&articleId=142

Posted by: hermespal | June 11, 2008 6:20 PM | Report abuse

Is no one actually working today?

Posted by: jelo | June 11, 2008 6:23 PM | Report abuse

People, someone needs to start cleaning up this blog before Liz comes back and finds out there was a party. She's gonna be mad!

Posted by: epony | June 11, 2008 6:27 PM | Report abuse

I think Liz K banned ponies just cuz she got sick of them?

Inside joke that got overused?

Not that any of us would ever be guilty of that!

Posted by: to cur re ponies | June 11, 2008 6:45 PM | Report abuse

Hey, who says we have to go with Daniel Craig? Why not Gerard Butler?

THAT'S where I think Liz K really is. There's a big GB fan convention in Las Vegas.

http://www.gerardbutlergals.com/vegas2008/


Posted by: GB is hotter | June 11, 2008 6:50 PM | Report abuse

Liz said she was getting "blowback" at the office about ponies. I have absolutely no idea what she meant. Maybe that Gene guy has something to do with it.
I have a feeling Liz will emerge tomorrow like a 1000 year old Chinese egg....strange color and texture.....but with 500% more flavor.

Posted by: possum | June 11, 2008 6:59 PM | Report abuse

Thank you someone for mentioning ponies. The definition is "what every good Lizard wants"

Posted by: ep | June 11, 2008 7:25 PM | Report abuse

Why, it's almost as classy as the back bench at the Vienna Inn or the Juke Corner at the late, lamented Lorton Bar-J (Now THERE was a Joint!)

*******************

Yes, the VI caters to a crowd that only made it just so high on the evolutionary scale. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by: hominid | June 11, 2008 8:10 PM | Report abuse

I just want to say - thank you for some of the best uninterrupted snark all day. And best bit, no people who can't take a joke to ruin it.

Posted by: MGC | June 11, 2008 8:22 PM | Report abuse

I had to look: The C.A. thread is the Energizer Bunny. Best comment today:

--------------------
WOW, do any of you people have real jobs? This post is, like, two days old....That's ancient in interweb time.

It's over, go home. Nothing else to see here.

Posted by: b | June 11, 2008 1:00 PM

Posted by: td applauds b, is worried petal is still at work | June 11, 2008 8:22 PM | Report abuse

Wow. Busy day here. I'm working my way through the glossary now. Wondering -- should "Carm Down" merit its own entry?

Posted by: Liz Kelly | June 11, 2008 8:59 PM | Report abuse

And sorry about going AWOL today. My bad, fer sure. Back to normal strength tomorrow.

Posted by: Liz Kelly | June 11, 2008 9:08 PM | Report abuse

one last suggested entry for the dictionary:

britney spearsin' - running around without appropriate undergarments, or inhibitions about it.

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 11, 2008 9:36 PM | Report abuse

I think that the Glossary term "Snarkfest" should have some synonyms. Snark Tank, for example, as in,

"Byoolin is the Great White of the Snark Tank."

"luvlinsey met with an early demise when she foolishly swam in the Snark Tank."

I wonder if the Discovery Channel will consider having a Snark Week. Somebody (Liz) needs to have a talk with Mike Rowe.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 11, 2008 10:50 PM | Report abuse

Sas, I seem to remember we suggested Liz Kelly do an interview with Mike Rowe.

Posted by: jes | June 11, 2008 11:23 PM | Report abuse

Look at me! Thanks, byoo!

Posted by: £££ | June 12, 2008 12:45 AM | Report abuse

Excuse my overzealous previous post. Use of two exclamation marks, especially in one post, is simply way more emotion than I usually care to express.

That is all.

Posted by: £££ | June 12, 2008 12:50 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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