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Posted at 8:00 AM ET, 06/18/2008

Morning Mix: Joan Rivers Booted from British TV

By Liz Kelly
Wednesday

Headlines: Lindsay Lohan bows out of Emmy race... Potty mouth Joan Rivers booted from British talk show... Lance Armstrong refuses to discuss his relationship with Kate Hudson... Angelina Jolie prefers to "roll around on the floor" with Brad Pitt... Amy Winehouse still hospitalized while docs ponder fainting spell... Billy Ray Cyrus says he was surprised by Miley's Vanity Fair photo... Will Smith and daughter Willow set for box office battle... Queen Latifah reaches weight loss goal... Katie Holmes's Broadway debut slated for October... Rep denies rift between Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Connelly... Rod Stewart says he wants more kids... Naomi Campbell reveals receding hairline... Dancer Cyd Charisse dead at 86.

Rumor Mill: Anne Hathaway breaks up with scandal plagued boyfriend... Denise Richards says Charlie Sheen took back gifts he gave to daughters... Daddy-to-be Matthew McConaughey parties in New York.

By Liz Kelly  | June 18, 2008; 8:00 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Deliver Us from Celine Dion

Comments

Woah, first Katherine Heigl and now Lindsay Lohan? I just don't know how the Emmys will retain any legitimacy this year....

Though I have to say, props to Lindsay's camp for being classier about this than Heigl.

Posted by: Magnolia | June 18, 2008 8:38 AM | Report abuse

I'm confused, how could 20 seconds of airtime qualify Lindsay Lohan for an Emmy?

Posted by: Stuck@Work | June 18, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Joan Rivers should do the honourable thing and withdraw her name from Emmy contention too ("Best Performance By Skin Stretched Well Beyond Its Modulus of Elasticity").

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Let's parse Lance's non-answer to the nosey Nellies at The View, shall we?

"I think when you're happy about something or proud about something, I think it's natural in human nature to talk about it.

"But I'm not going to answer it."

So, logically, if he's *not* talking about it, he must not be happy about it or proud of it.

Posted by: byoolin weighs the same as a duck. | June 18, 2008 8:48 AM | Report abuse

Rod Stewart wants more kids?

Good news, Rod: at your age, all those supermodels you're bangin' *are* kids.

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 8:50 AM | Report abuse

"Lance Armstrong refuses to discuss his relationship with Kate Hudson" -- well DUH, because all Lance ever does is talk about Lance. (Besides, Kate's a mere tissue in Lance's Kleenex box. She'll be disposed of soon enough.)

"Queen Latifah reaches weight loss goal" -- just in time for a Calif. wedding?

"Katie Holmes's Broadway debut slated for October" -- I still think she shoulda done "Whose Life Is It Anyway?" instead.

Posted by: td wants to bounce a quarter off Joan Rivers' cheeks | June 18, 2008 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Whatever happened to stars not discussing their nominations or if they are in the running for an award?

RIP Cyd Charisse.

Billy Ray, you were IN the photos with your daughter. You don't get to act surprised now.

TMI Angelina, TMI.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 8:57 AM | Report abuse

"She was terrific - a pleasure," Horta said. "She came in early and was very pleasant."

What is it with everyone praising Lindsay Lohan's punctuality? First the producer yesterday saying she was "amazing" and "professional," now this.

It's like saying, "thank you for behaving like a human being today; we appreciate the effort, and besides, that's what a job is and why we pay you."

I realize 90% of life is just showing up, but that doesn't make it newsworthy.

Posted by: td gets no such praise at his office | June 18, 2008 8:58 AM | Report abuse

Isn't Lohan removing herself from contention for an Emmy rather like Uwe Boll saying he doesn't want to be nominated for a Best Directing Oscar?

Posted by: David | June 18, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

"The representative adds that Winehouse had been signing autographs for Canadian fans who had been waiting outside her house all day when she fainted."

Dear Canadians loitering outside the Winehousehouse: Please stop. You're embarrassing the rest of us.

Posted by: byoolin suggests they go look for Lily Allen. | June 18, 2008 8:59 AM | Report abuse

Anne Hathaway just said in a magazine interview I read (In Style, I think) that she sold her apt and moved in with her boyfriend. Either this rumor is wrong, or selling your apt is the kiss of death for a relationship.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:03 AM | Report abuse

Cyd Charisse was "5-feet-6-inches -- taller in heels" but those legs of hers easily must've accounted for 4 feet or so. Wow.

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 9:04 AM | Report abuse

When you are famous for not showing up, showing up is extrordinary.

Lets face it, for a lot of people the best way to do a great job is make sure everyone has very low expectations because it isn't hard to exceed them.

Posted by: MGC | June 18, 2008 9:05 AM | Report abuse

ep, did you read the Angelina interview? Liz made it sound far more racy than it was. This is a case where something actually WAS taken out of context and sounds a lot different. I read the interview thinking we'd get TMI and it is just a silly joke about being in a movie with him and loving him, blah blah.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:06 AM | Report abuse

Life in the Pitt/Jolie house as written by Mel Brooks:

Angelina: Hallo. Vould you like a roll in ze hay?
[Brad Pitt stutters]
Angelina: It's fun.
[She begins to roll in the hay]
Angelina: Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.

Posted by: michael | June 18, 2008 9:21 AM | Report abuse

all the othr actreses r just luckee that lilo took her nayme out of contenshun. otherwise lilo wouldve won the emmey! i think dina should sumbmit her name too and she will win as well!

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 9:23 AM | Report abuse

It's called a teaser, 9:06 am

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:24 AM | Report abuse

not if no one reads the story, 9:24, and just goes by the headline.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:31 AM | Report abuse

could someone please restore my faith in the younger generation and tell me luvlinsey is fake? If this is the level of writing skills we are dealing with, I just want to die now rather than live to see these intellectually-stunted and incurious morons in charge of things.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:33 AM | Report abuse

It's still TMI. We don't have to know everything they are doing at all times. And she knew darn well how it would get taken out of context.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 9:39 AM | Report abuse

This has been a contentious issue for some time 9:33. Is she a real TTT, if so, why hasn't she lost interest already? Or is she just a regular poster f**king with us. I think she/he is a 45 year old unemployed loser living in his parents basement, thinking he's being very clever. Friday List idea...Who is the real luvlinsey?

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 9:40 AM | Report abuse

sigh, if only we could get joan rivers booted off american tv too then all would be right with the world. i think it's fitting that kat(i)e holmes' broadway debut is in october, after all october is halloween season and there isn't anything scarier than tom cruise and his zombie bride.

Posted by: melissamac1 | June 18, 2008 9:41 AM | Report abuse

ok, so how would you answer this? She was halfway through an interview, guard down. Once you are in an interview, and rollng along, it is not so easy to say "sorry, not answering that":

MTV: This is your first action flick since "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." I would think it's a little different rolling around with James McAvoy than with Brad?

Jolie: Well, you know Brad was ... [Laughs.] I'll always prefer rolling around on the floor with him than any other man. You know, in general. [Laughs.]

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

michael, I was going to suggest that you need to write a little part for Madeline Kahn in there.

But she predeceased Charisse. Rats.

KAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 9:43 AM | Report abuse

yikes, not sure which is worse jake.e.poo--if she is real or a 45 year old. I think the former because of the dire future it portends.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:43 AM | Report abuse

I have no problem with imagining Angelina rolling around on the floor with Pittsie. (I just mentally paste my face over his. Or hers, for that matter.)

Posted by: If byoolin is going to have to bat for the other team, he could do worse. | June 18, 2008 9:45 AM | Report abuse

ditto, if byoolin...

lots there to make one change teams, in either direction

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:47 AM | Report abuse

The Queen looks great, as always. Her size never mattered to her awesomeness. Rock on, Latifah!

Posted by: jaybbub | June 18, 2008 9:48 AM | Report abuse

No way is luvlinsey a TTT - a real TTT wouldn't have the attention span to stick around. He/She is a regular in his/her own right, and may or may not be a one of the other regulars doing double duty.

luvlinsey doesn't particularly bother me, though.

And just for the record, it ain't me, babe.

Posted by: byoolin offers his two cents. | June 18, 2008 9:51 AM | Report abuse

if Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Connelly are going to battle, there needs to be a mud pit and a video camera...

Posted by: Quintilius Varus | June 18, 2008 9:52 AM | Report abuse

Quintilius Varus, if it were Connelly from the Rocketeer days, when she had curves. She is too skinny now.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:53 AM | Report abuse

It's very comforting to learn that Denise Richards doesn't "ever, ever, ever" swear in front of her daughters. And I am the Queen of England.

Posted by: glebe | June 18, 2008 9:54 AM | Report abuse

et voila, Conelley avec boobs: http://images.allposters.com/images/54/039_19286.jpg

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 9:55 AM | Report abuse

Right on, glebe. Are Denise's kids never in the house? How else would they never ever hear her swear? She curses more than my dad, and my dad was in the Navy.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 9:59 AM | Report abuse

Amy, dear, you have to STUDY to pass tests.

sheech.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 10:09 AM | Report abuse

A 52-yo woman wearingg a THONG? That's just wrong.

Posted by: Stick | June 18, 2008 10:11 AM | Report abuse

Ms Liz?

Too many mental pictures this morning. I have to go lie down for awhile.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 10:11 AM | Report abuse

jus so u know, i'm not a TTT and i'm not some old foogey eyther. i'm just a lilo fan who luvs linsey! mayebe if u guyz had a roll model like her u would be cool 2!

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 10:14 AM | Report abuse

luvlinsey, see you should have kept the mystery, because if you're not a TTT, then you're just pathetic.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 10:16 AM | Report abuse

Can we ban people? this is so annoying having to scroll past this stuff every day. It's not even funny or original.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 10:16 AM | Report abuse

We could probably petition the FCC to have Joan Rivers declared indecent for broadcast on the public airwaves.

Posted by: M Street | June 18, 2008 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Dear June 18, 2008 9:33 AM ,

luvlinsey is a fake.

Smart, clever, witty (you'd have to be to keep up that patois). . . but a fake.

Posted by: Curmudgeon who has had years of experience uncovering fakes | June 18, 2008 10:30 AM | Report abuse

luvlinsey, my roll model always has been Kaiser.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Curmudgeon, I disagree--neither witty nor clever. Boring and played out, if it is a joke.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 10:33 AM | Report abuse

ep, because we are not required to register to post comments, anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, can post. This has actually come up before when we had people using other posters names to post comments. For the most part, the regular, non-luvlinsey, comments are worth it.

Posted by: anon for now | June 18, 2008 10:38 AM | Report abuse

We could probably petition the FCC to have Joan Rivers declared indecent for broadcast on the public airwaves.

Posted by: M Street | June 18, 2008 10:20 AM

*********

...except that she said what she did on a British tv station, which is (lucky for them) not governed by the FCC. And she did kind of hit the nail on the head.

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 10:49 AM | Report abuse

well, if lindsay and katherine are going to do it, I am too.

I don't want to be considered for an Emmy, either.

Posted by: b | June 18, 2008 10:51 AM | Report abuse

What is it with everyone praising Lindsay Lohan's punctuality? First the producer yesterday saying she was "amazing" and "professional," now this.

td, it's all they could say... it's kind of like when my mom and dad went to see Virginia Tech (where most of my familywent) beat the stuffing out of JMU (where i went) the first time they played each other in football.

"Your marching band was very good," she said.

Posted by: b | June 18, 2008 10:58 AM | Report abuse

I feel bad for Rod Stewart's wife, Penny Lancaster. She's going to be busy changing diapers, wiping up drool and spit-up, etc. And then she's going to have to take care of the baby, too.

Posted by: Dave | June 18, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

* McConaughey was said to have been seen later resting in a ditch.

* "He stood on a table, screaming in broken Spanish, 'I've lost my flip-flops,'" says Poe.

* "And yes, I'm STILL looking for my left flip-flop. So if anyone finds it floating around down there (it has 6:22 stitched into the side), please send it my way. There is a reward."

While usually I can't stand the guy (and think his brainpower makes Brad Pitt seem like Einstein by comparison), this article just makes the dad-to-be into a wonderful, clueless mess.

Just think, one day his kid (I'm taking bets on a name; my vote: Surf McConaughey) will read this story and say, "yea-uh, that's my daddy!"

Posted by: td is too happy about matt's misfortunes | June 18, 2008 11:00 AM | Report abuse

US Magazine Jennifer Aniston story, translated for understanding:

Jennifer thought Ginnifer had a larger part than Jennifer in the movie, so suggested that the magazine cover include Jennifer and Ginnifer and not Jennifer.

And everyone agreed that Drew should be on the cover.

But that doesn't mean that Jennifer didn't enjoy making the movie with Jennifer, she just had a smaller role (although her roll may have been larger. The article didn't say.)

Straight?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 11:03 AM | Report abuse

Hey, stop the dissing of 45-year-old guys. Sheesh. :)

Posted by: td isn't luvlinsey, either | June 18, 2008 11:04 AM | Report abuse

please don't ban byoolin. i get at least one laugh per day from what he/she writes.

Posted by: frieda406 | June 18, 2008 11:05 AM | Report abuse

i think its hilarious that he/she keeps posting. though she needs to use spell check and learn how to spell LINDSAY's name.

Posted by: i luv luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

BREAKING NEWS:

Katie Holmes is withdrawing herself from consideration for next year's Tony Awards.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 11:07 AM | Report abuse

i think jake.e.poo is luvlinsey. either him or MoCoSnarky

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

MoCoSnarky, glad you cleared that up. I was getting a headache trying to figure it out.

I think little Surf McConaughey will be really glad his daddy got all the craziness out of his system before he (hopefully) settles down into fatherhood.

Everyone keep their fingers crossed.

Posted by: b, who isn't luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

perhaps its the real lilo posting as luvlinsey. its not like she's really working that much. she probably has time to kill between trying on knee-pad leggings and watching her girlfriend dj at clubs.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 11:12 AM | Report abuse

1. Rise to fame as a Disney product
2. Lower everyone's expectations by partying too hard, skip shootings, and get public statements from studio heads & fellow actors
3. Just show up to a shooting every once in a while
???
PROFIT!

---

If only the rest of the world worked the way Lindsay's does. Annual reviews would go something like "You went through a rough patch, but you showed up for work today, I'm giving you a 5% raise."

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 11:13 AM | Report abuse

I like the idea of the yet-to-be-born Surf McConaughey's dad drunkenly standing on a table shouting "¡He perdido mi flip-flops!"

[Special thanks to translate.google.com for the Españolish.]

Posted by: byoolin is not frieda406, either. | June 18, 2008 11:15 AM | Report abuse

i think jake.e.poo is luvlinsey. either him or MoCoSnarky

Posted by: | June 18, 2008 11:08 AM

******

I resent the implication that I, jake e. poo (only one period, dear), could be luvlinsey. Also I am not a him, I am a her.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 11:21 AM | Report abuse

although he/she kind of amuses me.

Posted by: RiverCityRoller is also not luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 11:23 AM | Report abuse

MORE BREAKINGER NEWS:

In an announcement made by Lindsay Lohan, Katherine Heigl, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Britney Spears, Ray Romano and the late Charlton Heston, the Screen Actors Guild says its members have withdrawn their names en masse from consideration for the Razzy Awards, leaving only Gerard Depardieu and Dame Judy Dench contending in most categories.

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 11:24 AM | Report abuse

"BREAKING NEWS: Katie Holmes is withdrawing herself from consideration for next year's Tony Awards." --MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 11:07 AM

MoCo gets my vote for Comment of the Week. That is so funny!

(Honorable Mention: "byoolin is not frieda406, either" -- I can understand frieda's confusion about "he/she" since we know that byoolin would paste his face on either Brad's or Angelina's. I need a Comments roadmap today!)

Posted by: td applauds your wit and brilliance | June 18, 2008 11:25 AM | Report abuse

There appears to be some gender identity questions concerning we regulars. So, on the count of three, everybody flash. Let's see what you got.

One...

Two...

Posted by: byoolin had to step away from his desk for a moment. | June 18, 2008 11:26 AM | Report abuse

Ohhhhhhh, bylooin! Wow! Let's flesh, um, I mean flash again.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 11:31 AM | Report abuse

"There appears to be some gender identity questions concerning we regulars. So, on the count of three, everybody flash. Let's see what you got.

One...

Two..."

To quote Richard Pryor:

Hey, this water's cold! And it's deep, too!

Posted by: Arlington, VA | June 18, 2008 11:41 AM | Report abuse

TTT? Please explain. Thank you.

Posted by: question | June 18, 2008 11:43 AM | Report abuse

For you youngsters who've never seen Cyd Charisse in a movie, check out Brigadoon on TCM...it's on right now. What a gorgeous woman.

Posted by: methinks | June 18, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

News As It Happens:

President Bush announced today that he has withdrawn his name from consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize, The MacArthur Foundation's Genius Grant, and the "World's Best Dad" coffee mug.

Posted by: Dick C. | June 18, 2008 11:45 AM | Report abuse

TTT = Texting Tweener Tw*t

Posted by: RiverCityRoller | June 18, 2008 11:47 AM | Report abuse

For newbies and regulars, here's the latest version of the Unabashed Glossary yada yada yada:

CELEBRITOLOGY UNIVERSE
Unabashed Glossary of Terms

Blowback - non-Lizard snark
Booby Kennedy Day (BKD) - a bodacious afternoon at the Celebritology Hut
Boyzillion - the entire area of one's privacies after waxing
Byoolin - the Babe Ruth (in a good way) of the Celebritology Universe
Carm down - a warning that is issued when passions rise too precipitously
Cheetoes - what all B-list celebrity babies, and wannababies, are wearing this season
Clint Eastwood - grumpy old man
Contrafribularities - (1) apologies, consolation; (2) congratulations, applause, etc.
Cromulent - excellent, realistic, authentic
DB Cooper - Sasquatch's former and much missed neighbor
Doing the Funky Wiggle - what happens when LiLo breaks the one-at-a-time rule
Embiggen - to enlarge; to flesh-out (i.e., the results a boob job)
Empress Tea Lobby - the Lizard version of the Algonquin Round Table
Fatty - one who needs to carm down
Frumpy - to look like Rumer Wills wearing that slouchy beret thingy
Gecko - Curmudgeon's super secret undercover Lizard alias
Geigh - what Clay may or may not be
Harshing the snark - critiquing and otherwise criticizing Celebritology comments
Hater - someone with an opinion that differs from your own
Hirsute - what Sasquatch is; aka Prince Hairy
Incestupus - (1) the appearance of being incestuous (cf, Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter, Miley Ray Cyrus, in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread); (2) what you call Miley's relationship with Billy Ray if you want to incite another BKD (see Booby Kennedy Day, above)
Knockin' boots - (1) bagging the viper; (2) celebrities being snarked
Knockin' Ferragamos - the same as knockin' boots only done by wealthy Italians (see above)
LiLo leggings - a part of the Lizard Commando Unit's uniform generally worn while going up the rescue ladder; most distinctive features are the padded knee pads and easy-open crotch seam
Lizard - a denizen of the Celebritology Universe
Luvlinsey - a freak that doesn't know how to spell linDsAy
Merkin - a larger, less refined, second cousin to a tumbleweave (see "tumbleweave" below)
Methinks - the Lizard with the initial pony fixation
Mr Liz - beloved consort of Queen Liz and co-keeper of the Kelly menagerie; it is thought that Mr Liz has the good sense to stay away from the Lizards
Neck-to-knee - Clay's personal grooming secret
Opracity - the extent to which a media figure tries to insert themselves into every aspect of popular culture (e.g., "Paris Hilton, while totally untalented, maintains an Opracity of 96 percent.")
Photo spread - what Britney and Paris provide onlookers when exiting from an auto
Platicated - what Katie Holmes seems to be in more recent times (i.e., the results of a nose job)
Pony - what every Lizard really really really wants (would be a unicorn if it had a horn in the middle of its forehead)
Pornorific - self-explanatory
Privacies - that which can remain protected by a pair of LiLo leggings (unless the crotch seam gives way)
Propper nacked - showing more skin than Miley Cyrus did in the "Vanity Fair" photo spread
Shibbi/shibby - hot, cool, partying, or wasted
Skank - a streetwalker
Skanque - (1) a call girl; (2) a French streetwalker
Skeleboobs - aka Victoria Posh Spice Beckham (see also TOAS)
Snark -clever but keenly disparaging remarks about another organization, custom, or person (especially a celebrity)
Snarkfest - the Celebritology posting media
Snark tank - where a deserving celebrity is sent to be snarked limb from limb
Snarky - the essence of a clever, glib observation made by a Lizard
Televizzle - where one watches that Pekinese rescue league thing
Texting 'Tweener Tw*t (TTT) - (1) ignorant middleschooler; (2) ignorant grownup
TOAS - T**'s On A Stick (see also Skeleboobs)
Tumbleweave - an erstwhile hair extension living on its own in the big city; a smaller, more refined, second cousin to a merkin (see "merkin" above)
Unchoreographed flame - (1) an event in a John Woo film reminiscent of the campfire scene in "Blazing Saddles"; (2) any unexpected event
Wrestling the taco - something that Mrs Hogan might want her new boy toy to do

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 11:49 AM | Report abuse

thank you. luvlinsey is simply someone who enjoys twisting everyone's breeches. i hope you all have a pleasant afternoon.

Posted by: question | June 18, 2008 11:52 AM | Report abuse

I was very happy not knowing what the hell a merkin was. Now it haunts my dreams.

Posted by: jake e. poo | June 18, 2008 11:53 AM | Report abuse

thank you. luvlinsey is simply someone who enjoys twisting everyone's breeches. i hope you all have a pleasant afternoon.

Posted by: question | June 18, 2008 11:52 AM


I hope so, because I shudder at the alternative.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 11:56 AM | Report abuse

Darn Brigadoon is my favorite musical. I'm stuck in Bar review class without TIVO or other means of recording. Who do I sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress. trust me it qualifies as shocking and outrageous to make me miss Brigadoon.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 12:00 PM | Report abuse

well mocosnarky is not denying it. he's luvlinsey. or maybe methinks or ep?

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 12:03 PM | Report abuse

Lulinsey can't be ep.

ep is the attorney general of the Celebritology Universe. How embarassing it would be if ep got up before the SCOTUS to argue a snarksuit that had been filed against a Lizard and started spouting that drivel?

Can't have it.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 12:07 PM | Report abuse

Not luvlinsey either.

Posted by: michael | June 18, 2008 12:20 PM | Report abuse

I sure Matt McConaughay's girlfriend is sorry as hell she's pregnant by that nitwit. She must had thought Matt was Brad Pitt 2.0, but instead she got drunken, smelly Anglo . She could have stay home in Brazil if she wanted that. Poor girl.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 12:20 PM | Report abuse

If Anne Hathaway is back on the market, how long until she starts dating LiLo?

Posted by: yellojkt who just throws that out for no particular reason | June 18, 2008 12:21 PM | Report abuse

I sure Matt McConaughay's girlfriend is sorry as hell she's pregnant by that nitwit. She must had thought Matt was Brad Pitt 2.0, but instead she got drunken, smelly Anglo . She could have stay home in Brazil if she wanted that. Poor girl.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 12:21 PM | Report abuse

I'm not denying being luvlinsey either and I have a well-deserved reputation for sock-puppetry at the Achenblog. Doesn't mean I am.

Personally, I am impressed with luvlinsey's dedication to the character. Someone should nominate him/her for a Pulitzer Prize. So she take herself out of the running.

Posted by: yellojkt | June 18, 2008 12:27 PM | Report abuse

"For you youngsters who've never seen Cyd Charisse in a movie, check out Brigadoon on TCM...it's on right now. What a gorgeous woman."


I always have thought of her as being statuesque a la Julie Newmar, but I read somewhere that she really was only 5'6" -- she was just so graceful in heels that she appeared to be much taller.


I also heard Tom Cruise has withdrawn himself from all future Oscar, Golden Globe, Sundance, Cannes, etc. consideration.

Posted by: b | June 18, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Luvlinsey is brilliant satire and performance art. (Those of you who complain that luvlinsey can't even spell her heroine's name are missing the point). Therefore, I deduce that luvlinsey must be . . . either Liz or Andy.

Posted by: J'accuse | June 18, 2008 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Why Andy? Why not Page? Aren't dogs smart enough to do brilliant satire? I know mine are.

Posted by: luvdogs | June 18, 2008 12:49 PM | Report abuse

Trust me, I am not luvlinsey. I know when something stops being funny (usually).

Lawsuit withdrawn. I got home in time to watch Brigadoon from the wedding scene forward. I'll figure out a way to make this count for study time somehow.

Posted by: ep | June 18, 2008 1:00 PM | Report abuse

We need a "Celebritology Circus" where regular commenters form two teams (byoolin and livlinsey can be captains) and participate in a decathlon of sorts.

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 1:06 PM | Report abuse

i'm on luvlinsey's team. he/she is definitely persistent and fearless to continue posting on this board. plus he/she will have knee-pad leggings and in any sort of decathalon with byoolin's team, they'll be handy.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 1:09 PM | Report abuse

I'm not luvlinsey.

Just finished watching Brigadoon. Sigh. Corny but wonderful.

Posted by: methinks | June 18, 2008 1:19 PM | Report abuse

why isnt bagging the viper on the glossary of celebritorlogy terms? i dont know what it means and people are always posting it here.

Posted by: question | June 18, 2008 1:23 PM | Report abuse

The phrase "bagging the viper" dates way back to one week ago, as follows:

It is of interest to Paleological Historians that the colloquialisms for mating among Sasquatch and Neanderthals varied by gender. While the males would refer to the mating chase as "Wrestling the taco," the females would refer to the contest as "Bagging the viper."

Posted by: Sasquatch, who is NOT eating Tex-Mex for lunch | June 11, 2008 1:47 PM

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2008/06/morning_mix_daniel_craig_injur.html

Posted by: not to be confused with pam anderson's dodge viper | June 18, 2008 1:37 PM | Report abuse

I think the doctors will discover that Amy Winehouse contracted a hantavirus when she played with those baby mice.

Posted by: Eeeeewwww | June 18, 2008 1:39 PM | Report abuse

Me, captain?

Cool. I hope y'all don't try to frag me like the last team I captained did.

Posted by: Captain & Coke byoolin | June 18, 2008 1:55 PM | Report abuse

I have no shame...
pick me, pick me byoolin!!

Posted by: methinks | June 18, 2008 1:59 PM | Report abuse

u guyz r really mean. i just post hear bc of defiending linsey. y r u making fun of me 2?

Posted by: luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 2:01 PM | Report abuse

wez guyz rnt so meen. i just post bcuz i iz funny. y runt u funny 2?

Posted by: luvbyoolin | June 18, 2008 2:08 PM | Report abuse

Yellojkt writes:

"If Anne Hathaway is back on the market, how long until she starts dating LiLo?"

Oh, Yellowjacket, you SAMF*!!!!!


*Sick @ss MoFo

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 2:12 PM | Report abuse

I heart luvbyoolin.

Posted by: jes is not luvlinsey | June 18, 2008 2:18 PM | Report abuse

I hope that rumor about Hathaway is true--it's about time she kicked that loser to the curb.

I spit coffee at my screen on Lilo withdrawing from Emmy consideration for her tiny guest spot. Oh puhleeze. It's the only way her publicist could get her name and "Emmy" in the same sentence.

Billy Ray...we're not buying it. And it was SOOOOO three weeks ago. Time to let that story die a natural death.


Posted by: hermespal | June 18, 2008 2:23 PM | Report abuse

i guess speedos for men are In this year. i'll have to go pick one up.

www.people.com/people/article/0,,20207539,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

Posted by: speedos | June 18, 2008 2:32 PM | Report abuse

i guess speedos for men are In this year. i'll have to go pick one up.

www.people.com/people/article/0,,20207539,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

Posted by: speedos | June 18, 2008 2:32 PM

******

You're gonna wear a Speedo based on what *Sean Avery* had to say? What's next - hairstyle tips from the Maple Leafs?

Posted by: byoolin | June 18, 2008 2:39 PM | Report abuse

i think speedos on men are a great look - IF you have the body for it. plus it accentuates certain nice parts!

Posted by: Shakes, VA | June 18, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

Also, for the love of God, Montresor - er, Speedos, sorry - please, please, PLEASE don't take your suit or personality cues from Gary Bettman.

Posted by: byoolin is done mixing hockey with fashion. For now. Don't make me get a mullet. | June 18, 2008 2:42 PM | Report abuse

I'm too addicted to capital letters, punctuation and good spelling to be luvlindsey.

Sorry to disappoint you all.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 2:48 PM | Report abuse

I think the doctors will discover that Amy Winehouse contracted a hantavirus when she played with those baby mice.

Posted by: Eeeeewwww | June 18, 2008 1:39 PM
**************
perhaps they moved into her hair?

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 18, 2008 2:58 PM | Report abuse

I'm too addicted to capital letters, punctuation and good spelling to be luvlindsey.

Sorry to disappoint you all.

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 2:48 PM


Ironically you misspelled luvlinsey.

Posted by: Anonymous | June 18, 2008 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Doesn't anyone think Sasquatch is luvlinsey?

Posted by: still think it might be byoolin, tho | June 18, 2008 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Glad they had the balls to boot that nasty old tart. She has no talent and is downright vicious. When her husband killed himself, she had People Magazine at her house almost immediately and she stabbed Johnny Carson in the back when he was the only one to give her a break. Then she and her untalented daughter bored us for years on the red carpet. More people should boot her hateful ass. She's an old bore.

Posted by: JoanIsAHag | June 18, 2008 3:12 PM | Report abuse

NO, no no. Speedos do not look good on anyone except members of the Olympic swim team. They should not be available for sale to the general public. Please spare us all the pain of seeing you prance up the beach like you're all that. You're not. Buy some surfer-style trunks instead.


New topic: Queen Latifah looks great. Good for her for sticking to a diet and exercise program.

Posted by: new england | June 18, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

why isnt bagging the viper on the glossary of celebritorlogy terms? i dont know what it means and people are always posting it here.


Posted by: question | June 18, 2008 1:23 PM


"Bagging the viper" is in the Glossary of terms, but not as its own entry. (How does one gingerly define "bagging the viper" without harming luvlinsey's TTT sensibililties?)

Check the entry "knockin' boots".

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 3:13 PM | Report abuse

If someone from my lineage is luvlinsey, it would be that pusillanimous 800 pound gorilla from the AXA Equitable commercials. The GEICO caveman and I have nicknamed the gorilla Pat because not only can we not figure out whether the gorilla is a he or a she, we figure even the gorilla can't figure out his/her gender, much less gender preference.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 3:15 PM | Report abuse

So, who is this "still think it might be byoolin, tho " snarker? On the basis of the heuristic ,"He who smelt it, dealt it," I think that "still think it might be byoolin, tho" is the alter-ego of luvlinsey.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Curmud, "bagging the viper" can be included in the Glossary as a vulgar synonym for knockin' boots.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 3:21 PM | Report abuse

And if yewns keep accusing me of being luvlinsey, I'm gonna buy a Speedo and wear it for yewns.

Posted by: The horror, Sasquatch! the horror! | June 18, 2008 3:23 PM | Report abuse

I'm a little concerned because luvlinsey's spelling and punctuation has deteriorated lately (I really didn't think that it could get worse). I wonder if we have a "Flowers for Algernon" situation going on . . .

Posted by: Renee | June 18, 2008 3:28 PM | Report abuse

On men who are fit, the Daniel Craig swim shorts are the best look. (I thought I bookmarked the link to that photo...anyone? anyone? Dare I say it...Bueller?)
Speedos should only be worn in swimming competition by exceedingly buff young men.

Posted by: methinks | June 18, 2008 3:35 PM | Report abuse

I just started to watch the recording I made of Denise Richards show a few minutes ago (but was interrupted by family members who should not be watching that kind of programming).

I only got as far as the opening - her friend is over asking her to go with her to get her first Brazilian. Denise then tells her friend that she's so busy, she just does it herself. This explains a lot about her - because doing a home wax job on the privacies is a true sign of a masochist! (She pulls out her wax pot to show that she has the equipment and offers to perform this service for her friend because she doesn't have time to run all the way to Beverly Hills to the salon)

Her busy days are doing the things many moms wish they could do: she takes the girls to mommy and me, and pre-school, and lunch, and has 2 assistants to check out the swim classes for the kids and run her errands, taking her clothes off for photos, blabbing to the tabloids about how she's not bitter, and a normal person who had moved on from her divorce.

(ooops! That's normal, except the part about removing clothes, and blabbing to the tabloids.)

It's simply exhausting! thus indicating:
I just don't know how the "little people" with real jobs manage a home and kids.
****

Also, to LiLo - you can get and keep almost any job as long as you show up on time, and stay until they tell you to go home. You don't really have to excel at what you do.

(Everyone will see this last part is true when the movie comes out, and she won't even need to take herself out of the running for an Oscar.)

Posted by: anonymous lurker | June 18, 2008 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Curmud, "bagging the viper" can be included in the Glossary as a vulgar synonym for knockin' boots.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 3:21 PM


done. BTG is now its own line item.

now, beam me up Scotty.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 3:48 PM | Report abuse

NO, no no. Speedos do not look good on anyone except members of the Olympic swim team. They should not be available for sale to the general public. Please spare us all the pain of seeing you prance up the beach like you're all that. You're not. Buy some surfer-style trunks instead.

Posted by: new england | June 18, 2008 3:13 PM

i think i look good in a speedo, and i'm not young. but i have good stuff to show off.

Posted by: speedos | June 18, 2008 3:58 PM | Report abuse

Wow, I *really* hit a nerve with Sasquatch when I anonymously suggested he might be "luv".

luvlinsey is definitely one of the "regulars", tho. And I agree that it takes a modicum of talent, if not endurance, to stay in character for so long. I'm also in the group that is mildly amused by his/her antics.

Please, no Speedos, I beg of you, Sas. I agree with the person who said they should be reserved for competitive swimmers. I don't know why those old, overweight Eastern European men seem to love them so much--often their guts are so large you can barely even see their Speedos when they stand up, and that's not a good look.

Posted by: alex (who is not luvlinsey) | June 18, 2008 3:59 PM | Report abuse

hey, "speedos", just because you've got good stuff to show off doesn't mean anyone wants to see it.

Do us all a favor and ditch the Speedo.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 4:00 PM | Report abuse

NO, no no. Speedos do not look good on anyone except members of the Olympic swim team.

*************************

Or 5 ridiculously pale and out of shape engineering students in front of 80,000 people. Ahh, fond memories of the Red Bull Flugtag competition....

Posted by: michael who has video proof of the entire incident | June 18, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

I just HAD to add the folloowing to the Unabashed Glossary:

Speedos - snarky synonym for male privacies seen on a beach or around a pool

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 4:04 PM | Report abuse

"jus so u know, i'm not a TTT and i'm not some old foogey eyther. i'm just a lilo fan who luvs linsey! mayebe if u guyz had a roll model like her u would be cool 2!"

My roll model has always been Parker House.

Lindsay's seem to be Grey Goose and Frosty the Snow Man. When you're better known for your partying than your actual work how much of a role model can you be?

Though with parents like her's I can almost give her a pass. Almost. At the rate she's going, she'll end up like one of her apparent role models: Marilyn Monroe.

The closest I've come to being luvlindsey is when I was writing 2 good 2 b 4 gotten in my high school yearbooks. Back in the 80's.

yeah, it was dumb then, too.

Posted by: hangin in herndon | June 18, 2008 4:06 PM | Report abuse

anonymous lurker: I saw two seconds of the Denise Richards show too; she was all proud of herself for wearing a conservative cardigan sweater.

Then (silly man that I am) also watched a minute of dear-God-what-a-phenomenally-spoiled-brat Ali Lohan conning her mother into a dog then bragging about her own tenacity. I'd ship that teen to military school STAT.

Posted by: td | June 18, 2008 4:07 PM | Report abuse

hey, "speedos", just because you've got good stuff to show off doesn't mean anyone wants to see it.

Do us all a favor and ditch the Speedo.

Posted by: Curmudgeon | June 18, 2008 4:00 PM


hey, when people - both guys and gals - see me in my speedo, i get tons of attention and lotsa people who want to be my friend if you catch my drift.

Posted by: speedos | June 18, 2008 4:08 PM | Report abuse

I think that Speedos is the male counterpoint to luvlinsey. I would not be surprised if they originate from opposite hemispheres of the same neocortex....if you get my drift.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:09 PM | Report abuse

plus i think i look better than SEAN AVERY !!! in a speedo.

Posted by: speedos | June 18, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Hey Speedos, I'll betcha that the Mommies in the ON Parenting Blog would get all hot and bothered if you offered to model your Speedo for them. Why not go over there and give 'em a show?

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 4:29 PM | Report abuse

Speedos IS luvlinsey.

And I don't care how much he doth protest, but I still think one of our regular posters is the culprit. (And I don't mean Sasquatch. Or Andy. Although I would exempt Andy from the Speedos ban.)

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 4:45 PM | Report abuse

BTW, I fully endorse all the hurrahs for Cyd Charisse. I don't have to wait for Brigadoon to come on TV--I own it. I also love her in Silk Stockings--when Ninotchka secretly pulls out all the sexy clothes to try on in her hotel room, or when she has the "red blues". And, speaking of red, remember that slinky red dress in The Band Wagon--yowza.

Posted by: alex hearts Cyd as Fiona Campbell | June 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

When do we put accusations of who might be "luvlinsey" on the p-o-n-y list?

I vote "now". Listen, if Lindsay can grow up and act professional on her job, why can't we?

Posted by: MoCoSnarky | June 18, 2008 4:56 PM | Report abuse

Speedos IS luvlinsey.

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 4:45 PM

I am definitely NOT luvlinsey, I dont know who is, but its certainly not me. I know how to spell Lindsay's name and use proper grammar/punctuation. I thought it was decided luvlinsey was byoolin or sasquatch?

Posted by: speedos | June 18, 2008 4:59 PM | Report abuse

Cyd Charisse was the original object of the question:

Baby, do those legs go all the way up?

Oooo, was she hot!!!!!

Posted by: Excited Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 5:23 PM | Report abuse

Cyd was hot and classy at the same time. The poptarts could take lessons from her.

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 5:43 PM | Report abuse

Indeed, alex, indeed.

Posted by: Sasquatch | June 18, 2008 6:00 PM | Report abuse

"The representative adds that Winehouse had been signing autographs for Canadian fans who had been waiting outside her house all day when she fainted."

Dear Canadians loitering outside the Winehousehouse: Please stop. You're embarrassing the rest of us.

Posted by: byoolin suggests they go look for Lily Allen. | June 18, 2008 8:59 AM

**************

Wow. I just saw this.

Lily Allen???

Cuz she's so much classier than Amy Winehouse? Just give her some time to catch up. She's just a bad marriage, some mice, and a couple of tats behind . . but she's closing fast.

Posted by: alex | June 18, 2008 8:29 PM | Report abuse

Apparently, Billy Ray Cyrus IS as stupid as we all thought.

Posted by: Red Dragon | June 19, 2008 7:32 AM | Report abuse

I did not know that British TV was that uptight. They show way more than in the US, but that's at night.

Posted by: Red Dragon | June 19, 2008 7:34 AM | Report abuse

Ok so... Ann Hathaway broke with her boyfriend not because his sleazy behaviour was highly despicable, but just because it was hurting her carrier?
Kinda like: if nobody knew it would have been fine, but given that it's now out in the open I just can't be seen with you anymore.
That's so not classy!

Posted by: Anonymous | June 19, 2008 10:11 AM | Report abuse

肝癌

Posted by: dfdfg | June 20, 2008 5:35 AM | Report abuse

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